pijjafairys

[pijjafairys]

⚠️Trigger warning before read: contains depression, bad mental health⁠⁠​, self-deprecating thoughts/negative self-talk⁠⁠​, academic stress/anxiety⁠.⁠

The living room in your small apartment is totally a mess when you let him step inside. The scattered papers and your disheveled appearance answer the question in his mind. Your boyfriend, Nanami Kento, has come over to help you with your task. He carefully makes his way to the couch, avoiding the papers strewn across the floor.

You sit next to him, pressing your face into your palms. "I'm a failure," you mutter under your breath. He catches your words as he powers on his laptop. "What do you mean, sweetheart?" he asks gently, but you're too deep in your despair to respond.

In your final year of college, you feel completely lost in your major while your classmates seem to excel effortlessly. "I'm a failure. I can't do this anymore. I'm dumb and not worthy." You continue muttering these self-deprecating words into your palms. Nanami moves closer, placing his hands on your knees and rubbing them soothingly. "Sweetheart, hey, can you hear me?" His warm, gentle voice calls out, but your mind remains clouded with negative thoughts. "Sweetheart, look at me." After several attempts, he gently pulls your hands from your face and tilts your chin up. His eyes widen at the sight of your tear-streaked face. Cupping your cheeks, he wipes away your tears with his thumbs. "Sweetheart, what's wrong? Do you want to talk about this? I'm all ears." You shake your head slightly, worried about being a burden. "I won't judge you, I promise." His words break down your defenses. Your lips quiver as fresh tears roll down your cheeks. He pulls you into an embrace, rubbing your back comfortingly.

Between sobs, clutching his shirt, you try to explain: "It's hard, the task. I feel lost and couldn't ask my friends for help because they were busy too. But when—when—" You struggle to continue, choking back sobs as you recall your recent text conversation with one friend. "When I showed my classmate my problems, he was shocked that I was still struggling so close to the deadline. He told me he'd finished ages ago, so—so—" You grip your trousers tightly, steadying yourself. "He's just working on the easier parts now, and he lectured me about doing the hardest parts first. And blah blah whatever." Looking up at him through tear-blurred eyes, you continue, "I didn't get any actual help, dear... Just his perspective, judgment, and a comparison to his progress..." Your voice was just barely a whisper when you said that. You pause to catch your breath, your hands trembling in his gentle grip as he soothes them with a gentle rub from his thumbs. After a deep breath, you add, "I know he didn't mean harm... but I feel so insignificant, and I keep wondering—why would he say that to me... And I keep questioning myself until now..."

And there he is, sitting nicely and quietly listening to your rambles with no judgment in his gaze. It’s just full of understanding in his gentle eyes, full of compassion and care. After a few minutes, he carefully ask you, "Are you finished, sweetheart? Or is there more you want to tell me?" his thumbs wiping your tears away. You shake your head and clean your nose with a tissue, feeling somewhat relieved after sharing your burden. With a gentle smile, he strokes your head affectionately. "Sweetheart, your current struggles don't define your future—we can find our true passion along life's journey. People switch careers even after spending years in a field, and you can too."

He paused for a moment, his intent gaze searching yours with warmth before continuing, "You'll find your own path in time. I know you're trying your hardest, and I believe in you completely. I'm so proud of how far you've come. Please don't put yourself down. I'm here to support you, cheer you on, and be proud of you." His sweet, gentle words comfort you as his knuckles brush your cheeks, and he tucks your hair behind your ears. "Let me help you with your task, okay? We'll go through it slowly—would you like that?" he asks softly.

You nod, earning a warm smile and soft sigh from him. He kisses the top of your head before pulling away. "Good girl," he says softly, helping you gather the scattered papers on the ground. Together, you spend hours organizing and solving problems. He patiently explains variables and methods, repeating explanations until you understand fully. The sun was half on the horizon, and the sky outside your apartment building was tinted with warm orange and red when you finished your task. You celebrate with claps and cheers, "Thank you so much for the help, dear. I won't finish that soon without your help." He stretches his weary limbs and ruffles your hair affectionately. "Good job, I'm very proud of you, you know? And please don't mind it, sweetheart. I knew you were smart and capable. I only help you by explaining the methods," he says with a warm smile. You give him a playful glare, blushing and grinning. "You are so cheeky..." you mumble shyly. He laughs and gently pinches your cheek. "There's my playful and precious girlfriend. Should we get your favorite dinner outside? Of course with ice cream for dessert to celebrate this."

Your evening concludes with a dinner date after completing your work together. Your boyfriend, Nanami Kento, a practicum assistant and top student in your major, has loved you from the beginning. Despite his busy schedule, he prioritizes you because he cherishes you as his girlfriend and values you more than anyone or even yourself, determined to help you feel valued and prevent you from falling into depression again—he won't risk losing you this time.

[pijjafairys]

Last dance.

pairing ; the8 x reader

genre ; heavy angst, slow burn

trigger warning ; d1e, depression, empty feeling

note ; a songfic inspired by LAST DANCE - BIGBGANG, possible grammar and spelling mistakes, may take a bit longer

The sound of footsteps echoed in the deserted apartment hallway, and the clock struck half-past eleven at night. It was almost midnight, and there was less and less human activity.

Eisa, often called Minghao, was carrying a tote bag filled with his monthly shopping. He opened the door to his apartment room lazily, and after placing the tote bag on the table, he threw himself roughly on the sofa and exhaled heavily.

"Life's becoming tougher around here," he grumbled to no one in particular.

Opening his phone, he pressed the music player app and set a random playlist. He tried to close his eyes, hoping that when he woke up later, his fatigue would be gone.

Eisa opened his eyes slowly and felt someone lightly patting his cheek. Trying to blink repeatedly to adjust to the bright room light, he heard a soft voice saying, "Hey, let's get up and eat first. I'm already cooking." A tiny hand extended towards Eisa. Eisa, who was still not fully awake, just nodded, smiled, and accepted the tiny hand. They walked towards the dining room, and the smell of cooking was so fragrant that it pierced their noses.

"Ah.. This is all I can whip up right now. I'll make sure to cook up a storm tomorrow." The woman slightly lowered her head, and that woman is you.

"It's okay babe. You don't need to cook much anyway since it's already late. It's just me and you who will eat, so don't be sad. Let's eat. Thank you very much," Eisa smiled gently and stroked the top of your head.

You guys ate together quietly, with only light conversation to break the silence of the night.

"I'm stuffed! Thanks a bunch, dear. I'll whip something up for you tomorrow," Eisa cleaned up his dirty dishes and put them in the sink. "What will you do, hun? I'll do the dishes. I'm the one who cooked," you tried to stop Eisa who wanted to wash all the dirty cooking and eating utensils.

"Honey, you already cooked, so it's my job to wash the dishes. You just sit here and keep me company," Eisa said as he gently pushed you back towards your chair.

You snorted and smiled, "Alright then." While waiting for Eisa to finish up, you strolled over to the sofa, picking up his cellphone that was lying around carelessly. You tried to change the music he was playing on his cellphone.

"Hey, why'd you change it? I have a weird taste in music, don't I?" Eisa walked over to you, looking a bit glum.

"Huh? No way, I like all the songs you like. They're unique. I just wanna hear a different song, and maybe dance and sing with you." you smiled and put the phone back on the table.

Eisa tilted his head and raised one eyebrow, looking a bit confused. You chuckled, he looked so cute and funny right now. "You're such a weirdo," he said.

You frown as you listened to what he had just said. "How so? I just wanna listen to some tunes and bust a move," You said in annoyance.

"You don't really like dancing, honey." Eisa holding your hand and squeezed a little tighter as he started to get anxious and confused. You stroked the back of his hand gently with your thumb to give him a sense of security and comfort.

You didn't say anything, just smiled and started slow dancing with him.

A confused Eisa just followed your lead slowly, your mouth murmuring some lyrics of the song that was playing with a slight smile.

I'm still young so I

Guess I'm still immature

Why am I so stupid

You're dancing happily, feeling warmth in your chest. It's just as good as the first time you did it. You steal the chance to kiss his cheek or hug him for a while. Then Eisa happily hugs you tightly and lifts you up while spinning. You both laugh happily.

As Eisa opens his eyes, the euphoria dissipates, leaving behind an emptiness that feels almost suffocating. Tears stream down his face, a mix of joy and sorrow that he can't quite comprehend. He wipes his face roughly, trying to rid himself of the overwhelming emotions.

The haunting melody of "Last Dance" by BIGBANG still echoes in the room, a cruel reminder of what once was. Eisa struggles to remember the last time he felt truly happy, truly alive. The song was yours, a favorite that you both loved to dance to, but now it only amplifies the emptiness he feels.

Eisa looks around the apartment, but nothing has changed. It's still the same as when he arrived, a silent witness to his pain. He tries to keep it together, to hold back the tears that threaten to engulf him. But it's no use. He sobs uncontrollably, feeling utterly alone and lost in the emptiness of the apartment. The song only adds to the unbearable sadness that engulfs him, a constant reminder of what he has lost.

Music keeps on playing and

I am here waiting for you

Give me a chance

Please just once

I promise you

It won't be long

Eisa bawled his eyes out and soaked in every single word and beat of that song.

I will sing this song

And I will return to you

If I can see

Your beautiful self again

I will listen to this song with you

And dance for the last time

Remember this moment

Forever if you must

Just one last dance

Yesterday night when I

Held hands with you and danced

With your radiantly glowing and

Beautiful one last smile

Red, orange, yellow, green

An ecstasy I can't know

It doesn't go with the world

That I used to see and feel

Yesterday night when I

Held hands with you and danced

With your radiantly glowing and

Beautiful one last smile

Red, orange, yellow, green

An ecstasy I can't know

It doesn't go with the world

That I used to see and feel

"Do you miss me again?" Eisa whispered to the empty room, tears streaming down his face. "Or am I the only one who misses you? It's been two years since you left, but I still can't forget you."

He tried to catch his breath, but his chest felt tight, like a weight was crushing it. "I'm sorry for bothering you even when you're not here. I'm sorry for making things difficult for you," he continued, his voice choked with sobs.

"I know you're gone, but I can't stop talking to you. Please forgive me." Eisa paused for a moment, his eyes closed tightly.

"Thank you for coming to me in my dreams, for making me laugh, hug and kiss me, feeding me and dance together with you again. Thank you for being with me, even though it's just in my mind." He took a deep breath, trying to compose himself.

"I promise this is the last time I'll talk to you like this. I'll try to move on and live my life, but it's so hard without you. Please wait for me on the other side. I'll come to you eventually, but for now, I need to learn how to live without you."

Eisa couldn't hold back his tears any longer. He cried alone in the silent and empty room until exhaustion and sorrow finally took over, and he drifted off to sleep, still holding on to the memory of his beloved.

[pijjafairys]

fleeting crush.

synopsis ;  as you take the train to a distant city for the first time without your usual traveling companion, you recall the last time you rode this very train as a child. at the train station, you cross paths with strangers who are headed to the same destination and he offer you a helping hand.

pairing ; reader x joshua

genre ; fluff romance, contain momentary love

note ; it may be a little long, contain wrong translation or wrong grammar, I'm not a native speaker.

Footsteps clatter and heavy breathing break the silence of the hallway as you walk through it. You checked in at the train station at 5:25 in the morning, feeling relieved to have made it on time despite the tight schedule. 

You muttered, "I think I checked in late and ended up not leaving." 

However, moments later, you noticed an announcement about your train being slightly delayed, but the noise of the busy station made it difficult to hear clearly. You tried calling a friend for guidance, but she didn't answer.

"tck, she must be asleep." you chuckle and keep trying to reach her.

Feeling uncertain, you gazed around the station. You noticed a woman nearby but felt intimidated to approach her. You then spotted a man just a few steps away, 

"Instead of me going all the way to this woman, it's better to ask this man, it's closer." you think.

The young man appeared to be a university student, judging by his appearance. He had a tall and slender physique, dressed in a over-sized black sweater, a pair of jeans, a watch on his left wrist, black and white Converse shoes, and carried a backpack on his back.

And after mustering up the courage, you approached him and asked, "Excuse me, are you also taking this train to the same city?" As you showed him your e-ticket.

The man looked at your ticket and smiled, "Yes, I am."

You were feeling relieved, but your nerves returned when he mentioned that this was his first time traveling to the city alone. 

"God please help me," you said silently.

As the delay continued and more trains arrived and departed, the waiting area began to clear out and there were several empty seats. Tired from standing since before dawn, the man spotted an empty seat and claimed it for himself.

You watched as he settled into his seat and wondered whether you should follow suit. It seemed presumptuous to sit next to him without an invitation, but before you could take a step towards a different seat, the man suddenly turned to you and gestured for you to come over.

Confused, you gestured to yourself to make sure he was indeed inviting you. He nodded and smiled, continuing to wave until you hesitantly made your way towards him.

You smiled at him, “thanks but you don’t need to do that.” He looked at you and smiled, "It's okay, I thought you'd have trouble finding your own seat."

"Thank you so much..." You hide your smile by staring deeply at your phone screen. He just nodded and smiled and went back to staring at his phone screen too.

Without even glancing your way, he asks, "What's your name?" 

You awkwardly introduce yourself. He nods and smiles, "What a lovely name," before finally turning his gaze to you.

You smile a little shyly and clear your throat, "so? how about you?" 

“Joshua Hong,” he smiled, “you can call me Joshua.” you nodded.

As you both waited for the train, which was still undergoing repairs at another station, you engaged in conversation. Every time an announcement was made, you would ask him if it was the train you were supposed to take, and he would always reply with a warm smile.

As the conversation came to a halt, he went back to looking at his cell phone screen. Unconsciously, you voiced your thoughts out loud, "Even with his hair looking a little disheveled, he still looks handsome." You quickly covered your mouth, realizing what you had said.

He had heard your comment loud and clear. "Thank you, I must say, I am indeed handsome," he replied with a grin.

You jokingly responded, "Your mom must be so proud."

He chuckled, "She is."

Finally, the announcement of your train's arrival was made. You and Joshua rose from your seats and made your way towards the train station with the attendant apologizing for the delay. As you walked through the crowded platform, Joshua would occasionally stop and wait for you so that you wouldn't get separated.

As it turned out, your carriage was different from Joshua's. This might have been the point at which your paths would diverge. Sitting on the train, you couldn't help but think about him and regret not having asked for his social media account or phone number. All you could do was hope that fate would bring you back together again.

[pijjafairys]

us and the corner of the library.

synopsis ; wonwoo is your childhood friends, you and him likes to read a book in the book store near your house but he is suddenly move from the city. after long time, you meet him again.

pairing ; gn!reader + jeon wonwoo

genre ; fluff

notes ; mentioned childhood friends-to-lovers, You might find this story a little long-winded, I'm not a native english speaker so if my writing has many mistakes or inaccurate words, please understand and give advice so that I can develop better.

as usually, you are going to the library alone to read some book or just take a nap at 1 pm before the second class session begin. you lean your shoulders against the chair hoping that all your tiredness will transfer to the chair quickly but the reality is not.

you start to throw your head back and slowly close your eyes enjoying the soothing silence. “okay, I'll close my eyes for ten minutes and then I'll look for a new book to read,” you mumble and say to yourself. but still five minutes in, the sound of footsteps and the creak of a chair being pulled makes you wake up but you keep your eyes closed. 

the smell of wood perfume spreads to your sense of smell. smelling it, feeling it, feel more comfortable to close your eyes and go to sleep. suddenly you think of one person who has the same distinctive smell. "haha, no way," you reassure yourself. "but what if it's really him?" your mind begin to fight with each other, fighting to convince yourself who wins.

you slowly open your eyes and return your head back to normal position. taking a few breaths but your heartbeat is getting faster, like you're getting ready to run a race.

you see a man sitting leaning against a bookshelf, carrying a book in his hand. he doesn't look forward, he just stares down at the book he's taking.

“who is that? i do not ever seen him before, is he a student in the next building? if so, why did he come all the way here?” your head is very noisy right now just because of her presence. you try your best to stop thinking about who she is, even try to divert your mind to a book that you read but all your efforts are in vain.

the sound of footsteps can be heard walking towards you, trying your hardest to look natural so that you won't be caught fighting with yourself.

"excuse me, can I sit here?" his heavy voice echoes throughout the room but feels soft to the ears. you just nodded your head in response without looking at him. "thanks," he replies.

you cleared your throat, “so, who are you?” no answer coming out from him. “are you a student here too?” your voice gets quieter at the end. your eyes try to steal a glance at him, as he smiles slightly. “yeah,” his eyes meet yours as the answer escaped his lips.

unconsciously you hands covered your mouth in surprise at his presence. “for god’s sake, jeon wonwoo??” slowly your right eye feels something dropping, a tear. tears of happiness, not sadness.

he close his book. “yeah, hai ? how’s life?” 

you smirk. “bad as you leaving.”

“is that bad?”

“guess by yourself.” 

he is laughing softly at there, put his books aside so he can get a little closer to you. “i’m sorry,” his hand slowly reaching yours, he move his thumb gently along your back of hand, trying to make you a little calmer. 

“i hate you,” you said with a bitter laugh. “where have you been?” his other hand tries to wipe away your tears, “yeah, you should guessed it yourself.”

you tilt your head, asking what’s the meaning in silence. “family issue,” he said. you gasp shocked, “don’t worry, I’m okay now.” you exhaling a sigh of relief is like releasing a burden that has been held for years and it turns into the biggest smile you ever do—after he leaving.

time flies so fast, it’s half past two in the afternoon, half an hour until your second session class starts and you have to rush to class. “Omg, i have to go now.”

he tilts his head, “where?”. your hands stop neatly arranging the book you’re reading and stare at him, “class. don’t you have any class today?” he shook his head, you rolls your eyes. “glad to hear that, take your time."

his hand gently pulls your hand when you are about to stand up, “what?” you gaze at him. wonwoo—who is pulls your hand—had no idea what is he doing right now, “can I go with you?” his eyes stare at you straight but pleadingly. 

you look him in the eye. “where?”

“your class?”

“no, you can’t jeon wonwoo.”

“why?”

you rolls your eyes. “my teacher would kill you.” 

his eyes opened wide after hearing your words. “if you want, you can wait for me here or in the indoor garden,” you trying to give him another options. 

“okay, I will wait you at the indoor garden.” he answering with full of enthusiasm.

he also stands up and packs up the books he picked up earlier. after he is done with it, his hand grasped yours gently, giving it a comforting touch.

you huffs, "you'll have to tell me everything, from when you left the house until now."

he grunted, "it's too much, I can't do it."

"I didn't say everything has to be told now did I?" you looks up at him and grinned then Wonwoo realized that immediately. he chuckled then patted your head lightly, "nice try."

you and wonwoo walked out of the library hand in hand with a little laughter, "come back tomorrow?" you ask.

"Yes, I'm always here." He answering with a very shady smile. "But I'd never see you," you mutter thoughtfully.

Wonwoo ruffles your hair playfully as he laughs, "That's because you're always sleeping."

realizing your cheeks and face were flushed, you quickly turned your face away from him then snorted in annoyance as if sulking and left him behind you. he yelled while catching up with you with his merry laughter.

you point your little finger in front of him, "promise not to leave me again?" he frowned, and didn't move.

from that moment onwards, wonwoo and you always met at the library and sometimes went home together.

"oh okay", just as you were about to pull your finger back, wonwoo linked his little finger to yours. "promise."

Wonwoo smiles so wide that his neat rows of teeth are exposed, and your chest feels tight like it's filled with millions of butterflies that suddenly want to swarm out of there.