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Can elderly just stop asking us to have children right away? I see so many consequences when you have a child, and its not easy. I will never be easy, its a never ending responsibility. It is when you need to stop thinking about yourself. You are not your prioritize anymore. And it is not liberating at all.

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Sorry, I'm not a narcisst, but.. i if you ask me who's my hero?

It's me myself, I'm my own hero, cause we all are living are lifes alone, even if you have people around you, you are the who fights for your own life. No one will save you, cause the world is to big and we're all so small trying to figure life out.

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I am hanging in a thread that keep swaying to places that's too blurry for me to understand. Sometimes I feel safe, sometimes it scares me. Not sure if this is right.

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There is no perfect life, and it is no one's fault.

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Age is identity but it does not define me

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Academic Ranks

I grew up in a society whereby students ability is judged and defined by its academic ranking within the classroom and school. Students who are high ranked is praised by all as the smart and clever student “goal”, whereas the mid-low ranked student are perceived as the lazy and stupid student. Some believe that by rankings systems, it will motivate the students to eagerly learn in order to achieve high ranks numbers. But by that strategy, student will only learn for the ranks approval, but not for the worth of knowledge. 

Life of academic ranks is harsh,

Categorized by rankings, it gives a rather bad effect for the long-term psychology side view to the students, and to myself. As I see myself as less worth it if I am unable to achieve the perceived high ranks. Which is untrue, because with or without rankings, I am still the same and my worth is always valuable regardless. However, rankings somehow blinded my perspective into a single point of view in valuing myself. I often doubted, blamed, and insecure about myself due the things that are defined by ranks only.

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What is life?

I always tried to defined what was my life for? What is the purpose of me living? What worth is my life?

It's such a hard a question which occupied my head. While then I realized, that "Life" is more than just a mere definition, because it is undefined. You don't need to define life, it's too much to be defined by just words. It's more than that. Stop searching for it, it's already there within you.

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There's always that time when everyone is tired, exhausted physically and mentally. Then without realizing it, they ended up hurting each other.

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I always felt that I was stupid until I realized that I was just at the wrong place :(

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Even ourself, we are often confused for what we truly desire. We are afraid of making mistakes and repeating the pain.

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Your heart is like a plant that's growing, sometimes it needs rain of cry, sometimes it needs sunshine of laughter. But every plants have different portion of needs to survive. Try to understand what does your plant need? What does your heart want?

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Sometimes it's hard, sometimes it's easy, and it goes in a cycle. Just hang in there 🌤

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How do you go through sadness?

I live with it but don’t make a home out of it. I make space for it in my bed, we eat dinner together sometimes. we walk at night but it falls asleep before I get home and I forget about it. it comes out in loneliness, it comes out in anger, it comes out in desire for attention; and I remember that something is just hurting and make space for it to hurt. I listen to the birds sing. I pay attention to flowers growing. I let it exist with happiness because sometimes they are together. I make a point to become kinder to myself.

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Peaceful view💕

There's something about the vibes I got from both pictures of ryu hye young and kim boem, both of them are outdoor pictures with green calming background. Which is the things that I missed so much, apparently my country is in chaos of covid and lockdown is what the government choose. It left a void inside me, but this picture, they manage to give me peaceful charm everytime I open my phone ❤

How I love my new phone wallpaper🥰

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Degree Accomplished

Dear me,

Thank you for staying strong even after countless time you said you're giving up.

Thank you, you kept moving forward despite all the tears and screams you shouted those nights wanting to escape.

Thank you for being alive and healthy up until now, regardless of the sleepless nights, pain killers patch all over your hands and medicine you take for the headache you suffer.

Thank you and thank you, here I said repeatedly, because I am forever grateful that this has finally come to an end, somehow I managed.

This too shall pas, this too shall pass, I said repeatedly in my head. And it has passed. I have passed.

Thank you, me

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Getting closer to vivaaaaaaaa 😭😭😭 imma good imma good imma good

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Law School Fic Fest Plans

Pretty self explanatory! As part of an upcoming project of Law School Appreciation Month, a FicFest is what a group of us are planning! Anyone interested? Please do spread around on tumblr if you are!!