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pocket-gyu · 2 years ago

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bruh this hurt my soul

of rainy nights and roses — yoon jeonghan

PAIRING — jeonghan x y/n ft soonyoung x oc

GENRE — angst, fluff

DISCLAIMERS — this is quite literally just a fight. like a one-time fight. i have no fucking clue why its nearly 6k words also jeonghan says a lot of 🅱️ig 🅱️oy words in this also there is one dick joke don't look at me like that

SUMMARY — In the heat of the moment, Jeonghan grows careless with his words. Now, he has to bear the weight of saying things he didn't mean.

WORD COUNT — 5.8k

RELEASE DATE — 01.01.2023

A/N — feedback is appreciated i promise to figure out how to write well with a plot and themes and tone and other stuff later just . please spare me

ps. idk why there's so much like,,, crying like is that realistic? idk man pps. i don't know how to make this any better than what i've got. i'm looking at the other shit i've written like... how the fuck did i do that? why is this one so,,, not that? ppps. soonyoung's a W friend pppps. happy new year! cheers 🍻

The ink on the page turned from blurry outlines to clumps of black nonsense as drowsiness invades your senses. You stifle a yawn, gently putting down the book you were reading. The bright light forces you to squint as you turn on your phone, revealing the time in bold, white numbers. 12:43AM.

Jeonghan still wasn’t home yet. Strange, you think.

Don’t get it twisted—the ‘being late’ part was the farthest from strange, especially during comeback season. If he had come home any time before 10 PM, you’d be worried that Soonyoung had passed out and practice had to end early—because frankly, that’s the only inconvenience that could force that man to rest. It was admirable, how dedicated and passionate he was to his craft, though he could get quite antsy and irritated at times when things weren’t to his satisfaction.

The part that has you scratching your head was that around an hour ago, you had texted Seokmin.

seokminnie 🥹

(11:31PM) YOU: seokmin 😚😚

(11:31PM) YOU: when does today’s practice finish?

(11:37PM) SEOKMIN: practice just finished, noona~ ⸜(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝

The HYBE building was a mere five minute walk from your shared apartment. Unless he somehow lost a leg along the way, you highly doubt it takes Jeonghan an hour to walk short three blocks.

You throw a pitiful glance at the bowl of spicy noodles that stood lonesome on the marble kitchen island, already having gone cold long ago. A small sigh of disappointment leaves your lips as you decide you would just reheat it when he gets home. Again.

Clicking your phone shut, you let it fall beside you onto the velvet cushion with a muted thud and put your hands in your lap. You try your hardest to stay awake, but sleep triumphs over your willpower as you allow your eyelids to slowly flutter shut, succumbing to today’s built-up exhaustion.

Maybe, when you woke up, you'd be in the bed, rather than on the couch. The only sound you'd hear would be the distant singing of birds, and the tranquil inhales and exhales that came from the one next to you.

Instead, it’s the familiar melody of beeps that played from the front door’s keypad that wakes you from your light rest.

You lift your head at the disturbance, blinking your eyes a few times to rid them of their initial blurriness and adjust to the soft white lights of the apartment. Slowly, they focus in on the figure who trudged through the door, and closed it behind him with a soft click.

Your lips upturn into a small smile, though it falters when you notice the pure exhaustion that took over his typically angelic face. You see the way his shoulders were hunched, stiff, tense. The way strands of his platinum blond hair stuck to the sheen of sweat on his forehead.

He takes off his puffer jacket, hanging it up on the wooden coatrack before padding across the floor softly, trying his best not to make any noise. He halts as the two of you make eye contact.

“y/n,” he croaks out in a tired voice, “why are you up so late? You should be asleep.”

You don’t fail to catch the faint hints of annoyance and irritation that lace Jeonghan’s tone. It confuses you.

Though, you respond calmly. “I was just… waiting for you to get back.”

Secretly, Jeonghan rolls his eyes, thinking you wouldn’t notice.

You do notice.

A thick silence falls heavy over the room, creating an uncomfortable atmosphere—one that never usually exists between you and Jeonghan. Your eyes narrow at his attitude, though they never leave him, despite the fact that he was looking everywhere else—the hardwood floor, the kitchen, the grey walls—anywhere but you.

“You don’t have to do that, you know,” Jeonghan eventually murmurs, hands finding their way onto his waist.

You lean your head into your palm, “I’m sorry?”

“Stay up and wait for me.”

“Well, I wanted to.”

“Well, I’m telling you next time, don’t.” he suddenly snaps, raising his voice slightly. He finally moves from his spot, walking towards the bedroom, not sparing a glance at you.

Your eyes widen at the way he mocked you, hurt flashing through them. Hastily, you push yourself up from the couch and follow behind him. Though you feel an unfamiliar sense of fear, you continue to ask him questions. “Jeonghan- why are you back so late? Seokmin said practice ended an hour ago.”

“Got caught up. Soonyoung’s been moody,” he answers bluntly, before disappearing into the bathroom. Your head tilts in confusion at his answer—it made no sense.

Why is he like this? Did I provoke him? you think to yourself as you slowly climb into the bed. Your brain clouds with possibilities as to why Jeonghan was so ticked, but you couldn’t think of a plausible explanation. A small groan leaves your lips as you drag your hands across your face, battling exhaustion.

Nonetheless, you continue to wait for him to come out. Maybe then, you’d get a bit of reasoning for his poor mood.

The bathroom door slides open and Jeonghan steps out. You look at him expectantly, but he still doesn’t meet your gaze. He simply slips under the covers on his side of the bed without even acknowledging you. Your eyes trail as he did so, eventually landing on his back.

It causes a shiver to run down your spine, and a deep frown to tug at the corner of your lips. Jeonghan had never faced his back to you.

This is new. And cold. And distant.

“How… how was work today?” You quietly speak, daring to break the silence.

“Good,” he murmurs back, voice muffled from the duvet. He still didn’t face you.

“Jeonghan, can you please look at me? What’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong, y/n. I’m just tired.”

You purse your lips, pausing for a moment, seriously debating whether to say your next words—

“Jeonghan, you know it’s not good to pent up your emotions-”

—atrocious mistake.

“God, y/n!” Jeonghan suddenly roars, throwing the duvet off his torso. You were startled by his sudden outburst, shutting your eyes instinctively. When you open them, you see that he had turned so he was now lying on his back. Staring straight at you.

It was the first time you saw his eyes that night. Earlier, you longed for him to look at you just once.

Now, you no longer wish you had ever met Yoon Jeonghan’s gaze.

What you saw frightened you.

His eyes, his big, round eyes—the ones that have always been a rich, saccharine, chocolate brown; that held golden specks and canopies of stars in them whenever he looked at you—were hooded. Hooded with lightning, with terror, with scorn.

“y/n, I’ve had a fucking awful day. I’d love to be able to get some sleep—but guess what? You’re making it fucking difficult,” he spat coldly.

You feel your chest ache, you could’ve never believed Jeonghan was capable of speaking such words to you—

“Jeonghan-”

“Could you please, just this once, shut up? I can’t deal with everything going on and deal with your bullshit. You just, don’t do anything other than stress me out. You're useless.”

—and he just keeps going, you feel yourself shrinking by the second—

“Can you please calm down-”

“Fucking hell, next time I’m staying at the dorms. I can’t deal with your stupid nagging. Who am I dating- my mom?”

—he just keeps fanning the flames—

“But-”

“GOD, JUST SHUT UP! I FUCKING HATE YOU!”

—until they couldn’t grow any bigger.

BOOM.

The sky is angry. Jeonghan is angry. Fuck, why is everyone so angry?

Your brain hasn’t even processed the venom that dripped off of Jeonghan’s tongue—but your heart has.

You feel like you had been kicked in the stomach. A familiar stinging sensation in your nose makes itself painfully known. It’s almost poetic how as heavy rain begins to pelt against the apartment’s window panes, scalding, hot tears begin to stream down your face.

You swing your legs over your edge of the bed, not daring to face him again. The tears, they don’t stop flowing no matter how much you wipe at them with the pads of your fingers—they just keep coming, racing to drip down your chin in humiliation. A sharp inhale comes from you, the sound piercing the air, causing you to slap a hand over your mouth in a pathetic attempt to prevent any more from coming out. You rashly card a hand through your hair, trying to regulate your heaving.

Your head is spinning. The rain doesn’t ease—the sounds of the storm roaring in your ears. Your back is faced to him, eyes shut so tightly you could see splashes of colours and pixels. It’s too loud for you to hear the gasp that leaves Jeonghan’s lips, nor could you see the way his face morphs from exasperation to shock.

Jeonghan is mortified.

He doesn’t know where all of that came from. All he knows is that he had lashed it all out on you, that he didn’t mean it, and that you didn’t deserve any of it. He let every single built-up anxiety and frustration out in brutal, crashing waves, onto the one person who deserved it the least.

He’s a monster.

“y/n-” he rasps, reaching out to touch your waist.

You stand up as soon as you feel his fingers brush against you, flinching away from his touch. His sudden change in demeanor startled you, leaving you sensitive and distrustful.

The entire city could hear Jeonghan’s heart drop and shatter into a million pieces.

“Oh my god, y/n-” his eyes well up with his own tears. “-please, don’t be afraid. Fuck, please, please, don’t be afraid,” he whispers, desperation so agonizingly evident in his voice.

After a few moments of heart-wrenching silence, you exhale slowly and finally turn around to look at Jeonghan. A ghost of a smile creeps at your lips as you look at him. His long, soft, wispy eyelashes. His pale, glowy skin. His heart-shaped lips. They all framed his face perfectly.

Even while crying, he was pretty.

But, your pained eyes tell him how you really feel.

“Wait, y/n-”

“I’m sorry for disturbing you, Jeonghan.”

“No, angel, please-”

Without another word, you walk out of the bedroom and close the door, leaving him in the room alone. Jeonghan put his head in his hands, dragging them down his face harshly.

You’re so fucking stupid, you’re so fucking stupid, you’re so fucking stupid- how are you going to make this up to her-

Click.

Jolting up at the sound, Jeonghan nervously looks towards the closed bedroom door. Is she not just in the living ro-

SLAM.

“Oh my god.” he whispers.

Jeonghan hurriedly pushes himself out of bed, his breathing becoming rushed and panicked, his vision growing cloudy. There’s a knot in his throat, making him suffocate on the repulsiveness of his own actions.

He runs out of the room, stumbling into the living room. There’s no sign of you—just an empty, lifeless apartment.

He finally notices the untouched bowl of food on the kitchen counter. It stood there, staring at him in shame. A weak wince escapes him at the thought of you cooking it for him.

The whole apartment was screaming at him. You hurt her.

Jeonghan can feel his lip start to quiver, his heartbeat ringing in his ears. An angry clap of lightning resounded around him—vibrating through each limb and fiber of his being, stripping away at every little fragment of composure he had left, until it all came crashing down.

He doesn’t have a single coherent thought other than she left.

She’s gone.

mieun 🤬

(1:06AM) YOU: mieun

(1:06AM) YOU: can i come over?

(1:07AM) MIEUN: this late?

(1:07AM) YOU: yeah

(1:07AM) MIEUN: ofc you can

(1:07AM) MIEUN: just letting you know soonyoung’s staying the night

(1:08AM) YOU: oh please he’s seen me slip and trip infront of the whole cafeteria, he can deal with me crying

(1:08AM) YOU: just don’t eat each others faces infront of me

(1:08AM) MIEUN: YOU’RE CRYING?

(1:08AM) MIEUN: WHICH FATHERLESS INCEL DO I HAVE TO PUNT ACROSS THE UNIVERSE ?????

It only takes two knocks for the wooden door to swing open and reveal your best friend, who was clad in silk pajamas and had a face painted with worry; an expression very different from her typical bold, fiery and lively personality.

“y/n!” Mieun cries, opening her arms. You fall into them, securing your own arms around her waist and giving her a warm, tight hug.

The two of you separate after a moment, the brunette ushering you inside of her apartment. A few things had changed since you’d last been over, you notice—a new painting had been hung up in the foyer, the TV was about twice the size of the old one, and a distinctively larger pair of black Balenciaga shoes stood among the row of pastel sneakers and heels.

The scent of ramen wafts around the entire home, making you go “ah” at the delicious, savoury smell.

“Late night date at home?” You ask, bending down to take off your shoes.

“Pfft, Soonyoung heard you were crying and ran into the kitchen to make the only thing he’s actually capable of making,” she jokingly rolls her eyes.

“y/n?”

You look towards the direction of the voice, meeting the eyes of Soonyoung, who had popped his head of jet black hair out of the kitchen to greet you. A big smile immediately breaks out on his face.

“Hi, Soonyoung,” you greet back, offering a small wave.

Mieun tugs at your sleeve. “He should be done with the food soon. Go sit on the couch, and get comfortable because you-” she says, tapping your cheek, “-are going to tell us what happened.” You laugh, nodding your head.

After putting away your shoes and umbrella, you make your way over to the big leather couch in the middle of the living room. A half-finished Netflix movie plays quietly on the TV screen. A slight pang of guilt hits you—you must’ve interrupted their alone time.

“Food’s done!” Soonyoung yells, emerging from the kitchen with a metal pot and three Coke Zeroes in his hands, a trail of steam following him as he enters the living room. You give a small clap, eyes lighting up at the sight of the food. Soonyoung leans down, placing a hot mat before gently setting the pot down onto the coffee table. Mieun, who had been following behind her boyfriend, sets down bowls and chopsticks. Eventually, the three of you settle down. You and Mieun sit on the couch, while Soonyoung sits on the carpet, facing you two.

“So,” Mieun begins, cracking open her drink. “care to explain- Soonyoung, where do you keep getting these fucking Cokes? There’s a goddamn crate in my kitchen,” she suddenly exclaims, staring at the can in her hand. You snort, clasping a hand over your mouth while you try not to choke.

“Jihoon’s studio is like a fucking warehouse,” he mutters. “I’m saving my friend from literal heart disease.”

Mieun pauses for a moment, before shrugging and taking a sip. “So, y/n. Care to explain why you showed up to my apartment at-” she pauses, checking her phone, “1:29 AM?”

You nod your head while chewing, wiping your mouth before you begin—

—but nothing comes out.

Jeonghan.

God, you almost forgot what he said. His words echo through your ears.

Was he asleep now?

Did he just go to sleep, without a bother in the world?

“y/n?”

You snap out of your daze, looking around aimlessly. Mieun and Soonyoung were both staring at you with furrowed brows and concerned eyes. You notice that your arms had gone limp—the bowl of noodles and metal chopsticks that were close to your mouth before were now resting in your lap.

“Give me a name,” Mieun says through her teeth, a glower on her face and an evident clench in her jaw. Your eyes widen, quickly placing your hand on her arm to get her to relax.

“Yeah, who is it? I’ll make them eat my fist,” Soonyoung adds, anger flashing in his eyes.

You let out a sad laugh at his statement. “I doubt you’ll want to do that to Jeonghan, Soon.”

An immediate blanket of silence falls over the room. Soonyoung’s rigid grip on his chopsticks grows loose, his expression immediately dropping. His lips part slightly in shock as realization strikes him.

On the contrary, Mieun seems to have gotten even angrier.

“Jeonghan?” She seethes. Slamming her bowl of noodles onto the coffee table, she stares into your eyes with pure fury. “The one who’s supposed to be in love with you? He hurt you?”

“It… surprised me too..” you mumble, eyes downcast.

“Mieun, let her finish explaining,” Soonyoung says, leaning back onto his hands, an unreadable expression on his face.

The said girl scoffs, turning to scowl at her boyfriend. “Oh, so you’re suddenly going to defend him just because he’s your member? That’s real rich of yo-”

“Mieun,” Soonyoung warns sternly, eyes boring into her.

Mieun falters, slowly backing down and leaning back against the couch. She crosses her arms infront of her chest and looks over at you, silently telling you to continue.

Watching the two of them solemnly, you shakily exhale.

“God, that fucking idiot!”

You wince at Mieun’s burst of outrage, handing her her beverage. “Drink,” you say quietly, “and calm down. I’m okay, really.”

You bring your hand up to your cheek, feeling cold, dried tear stains. You hadn’t noticed that you started crying again—but, you do feel a bit overwhelmed from retelling what Jeonghan had said to you, and how genuinely terrifying it all was.

“Oh, so I’m the moody one,” you hear Soonyoung mutter under his breath. You turn to stare at him, puzzled. “Sorry?”

“Jeonghan hyung’s been in a piss mood all day. He even snapped at the choreographer when he couldn’t pick up a move properly,” he scoffs. “If I was the one who was being a dick the whole day, we would still be in the practice room right now.”

You retreat in on yourself a little, head hanging low.

God, he looked exhausted as soon as he walked through the door. I knew he was tired—why did I just badger him with questions and push him to talk? All it did was cause this situation-

“Hey, y/n- look at me.”

You slowly raise your head, meeting Soonyoung’s soft gaze. “Don’t blame yourself.” he begins, as if he knew exactly what you were thinking.

“It’s probably because of the comeback soon. Think about it—it’s been what, nine months? Since we’ve dropped an album. Our fans have been waiting for a long time, and trust me when I say the pressure has gotten to every single one of us. Plus, we’re promoting a lot in Japan this time of year, and he’s probably anxious because he’s got this, like, cult following there. I think he’s also got a few solo activities? He’s never really done those before…” he trails off, looking to the side in thought. “Anyways, my point is that there’s a lot of different things that factor into why he’s being an ass. Just know that they’re all out of your control.”

“Yeah,” you hear Mieun say, making you turn to face her. “While I don’t think any of those are an excuse for him to treat you like trash…” she murmurs, placing a hand on your shoulder and giving it a gentle squeeze. “They’re all out of your control.”

You beam, eyes crinkling as your heart swells with sheer gratitude. You feel fresh tears pool at your waterlines, making you press your palms against your eyes. “God, you guys are just…so fucking cool. And such great friends,” you say, letting out a breathy laugh.

The two of them laugh loudly, Mieun handing you a tissue while rolling her eyes playfully. “Yeah, you big baby. We know. And also, you’re a much better person than I am. If Soonyoung said he hated me, I would’ve castrated him by now,” she says, making you shake with laughter as you wipe at your nose and mouth.

Soonyoung feigns offense, scoffing, “As if. They mean too much to you.”

“Oh, fucking gross!” You groan, covering your face in disgust. Soonyoung only snickers, throwing his shocked girlfriend a teasing wink.

“Anyways,” the girl shivers before turning to face you again. “since you will be staying the night, aka I’m not letting you go back to him, I’ll go get you a pair of clothes to change into. Soonyoung can sleep on the couch tonight-”

“Pardon?”

“Did I stutter?”

“Mieun, don’t do that to him. I’m fine with the couch-” you get cut off by the girl vigorously shaking her head in objection.

“No, I won’t be having any of that. He’s not the one who just got absolute shit from his boyfriend,” she replies firmly, her gaze fierce with protection.

Soonyoung whines loudly. “Babe, you literally have a guest bedroom-”

“That room has not been touched since Mingyu passed out drunk in there. It is dingy and cold and lonely. y/n does not deserve that.”

“So you’re going to make your boyfriend sleep on the couch-”

“Oh, please. Like you’ve never slept there before. Anyways, there’s a spare toothbrush in the bathroom drawer, a spare towel on the counter rack, and-”

DING-DONG.

The sound of the doorbell resonates throughout the whole apartment, bouncing off each wall. It causes all of you to freeze.

“... and apparently a spare murderer too,” Mieun murmurs, slowly setting down her drink. She stands up from her spot on the couch, flattening out the wrinkles in her clothes before eyeing the front door.

“Babe, sit down.” Soonyoung mutters, also standing up and staring towards the foyer with watchful eyes.

“You sit down. It’s probably just my delivery package-”

“No.” Soonyoung doesn’t waver, grabbing his girlfriend by the arm and softly pushing her down back into her spot. “It’s too dangerous, Mieun. I’ll go.” he says protectively, letting go of his grip on her and making his way towards the door.

The girl stares at him defiantly for a moment, before letting out a sigh, her whole body visibly untensing. “Okay,” she whispers meekly, closing her eyes.

You had been biting at the inside of your cheek, staring between the two nervously. Reaching out for Mieun’s suddenly deflated figure, you wrap an arm around her, letting her rest her head on your shoulder.

“Tired?” you ask, eyes scanning over your friend. Feeling her nod her head against the fabric of your sweater, you can’t help but let out a sigh. “Me too.” you mumble in agreement.

Two silent breaths later, you speak again. “Sorry for crashing your date, by the way.” you mutter apologetically.

The girl on your shoulder shakes her head firmly. “Don’t apologize. I get way more opportunities to love Soonyoung than I get to help you when you’re hurt,” she says earnestly. Her words make you feel endlessly warm, your eyes glistening as an appreciative smile graces your lips.

Mieun sighs contentedly. “Speaking of Soonyoung- what’s taking him so long?”

What was taking Soonyoung so long to get a delivery package?

You twist your head over the back of the couch, trying your best to peek around the corner of the wall that obscured your vision. It was obvious that he was talking, a conversation very apparently happening; but, they were too far away to be anything clearer than static, stifled voices. You figure Mieun bought something high-value that required a signature.

Finally, Soonyoung’s voice becomes more coherent, allowing you to catch a little of what he was sayi-

“Listen, hyung. I don’t think you should be here right now.”

The other voice had gotten louder too-

“Please, Soonyoung-”

The air around you suddenly feels like it had dropped several degrees. You feel it again—every unstable emotion that you had managed to suppress since you left your apartment was getting thrown back into the equation like they were never even gone. He was here, at two in the morning, you didn’t know if he was here because he cared, but he didn’t just go to sleep—

“Please, I just need to see her once, I need to hear her voice, know she’s safe-”

—and he sounds just as broken as you are.

You feel Mieun bolt up out of your grasp, causing you to wince as you desperately try to bring her down again. But, she’s too fast; her whole body rattling as hot, white fury possesses her being. You watch her round the corner and disappear. A small, delicate moment of peace passes before a fuming shout penetrated the air.

“YOU HAVE A LOT OF FUCKING NERVE TO SHOW UP HERE!”

At this point, the floodgates had opened and there was no shutting them; you were in no different position than you were an hour ago, when Jeonghan took your fragile heart and smashed it against a brick wall. The sound of your friends yelling, the sound of his pleading voice—it was overwhelming your senses and thoughts.

Through your blurred vision, you see a tall figure round the corner again. “y/n?”

You take in a sharp inhale. “S-soonyoung?”

“Yeah. It’s just me, y/n. Hey, breathe.” Soonyoung shushes, slowly sitting down next you on the couch.

He picks a tissue from the tissue box, bringing it up to your face and gently wiping away the teardrops that glided down your face. Mieun’s voice (you notice a lack of variety among the voices—Mieun is presumably still berating Jeonghan, not letting him get a single sentence in.) has grown much more hushed.

“Please get Mieun to stop yelling at Jeonghan,” you whisper, shutting your eyes tightly and putting your head into your hands. You feel Soonyoung wrap a comforting arm around your small, shaking frame. “I will. She just needs to get it all out of her system…” he mumbles, trailing off.

After several deep breaths and aggressive eye-rubbing, you finally rise from your hunched position. You were going to resolve whatever happened tonight, right here, right now.

“I'm going to talk to him.” your tone is scratchy and meek, but still firm.

Soonyoung nods, gently helping you up. His arm remains around your shoulders as the two of you walk to the foyer.

Rounding the corner, you take a deep breath. A taller, familiar head of platinum blonde hair peaks out over your friend’s head. When he doesn’t notice you at a distance behind her, you find yourself peeling away from Soonyoung, mindlessly taking steps closer.

“I’ll leave, I swear. Can you please just give her this? And promise me she’ll be safe?”

Mieun snatches the thing out of Jeonghan’s grip, glowering up at him. “She’s perfectly fine here. Now leave,” she snaps, reaching for the doorknob, ready to slam it in his face.

“Wait.”

Your friend spins around, expression morphing from annoyance to surprise. Jeonghan’s gaze lifts from the girl in front of him, realizing you were standing there.

Jeonghan can feel himself grow dizzy—his body tensing, his pulse in his ears and fingertips. You were here, you were safe, were you going to tell him to leave? Or—

Mieun’s furrows her eyebrows. “y/n, I don’t think-”

“Mieun, come here.” The girl whips her head towards Soonyoung, who softly ushered her to step away from the door. She pauses for a moment, before handing back the thing to Jeonghan and throwing him one last grimace. Soonyoung grabs onto her arm, pulling her into his hold.

Now, you’re face to face with Jeonghan.

The first thing you notice is that he’s wet. His hair is damp and tousled, and he’s slightly shivering. His clothes are a shade darker than they normally were, and they stuck to his body like glue. Your eyes dart around his face, drinking him in. His eyes are bloodshot red, and his lips look like they’ve been chewed at.

“Did you run in the rain?” you ask, frowning.

Jeonghan’s breath hitches, your quiet, weak voice sounding suddenly so loud to him. “I… I couldn’t just let you leave like that,” he says nervously, eyes staying trained on your expression for even the most minor change.

A silence falls between the two of you. Jeonghan didn’t want to scare you again, instead opting to just take a step backward and offering what he had brought.

“I-I brought you this…” he mutters.

Your gaze finally breaks away from his face, looking down. He held out a small bouquet of crimson red roses, wrapped in silk pink paper and tied with a small, messy ribbon. The petals were slightly crimped and the paper had torn in some areas, but they were still beautiful.

Just like when we first started going out. A delicate smile blossoms on your face at the sweet gesture. You gently take it from him, turning it around in your hands before looking back up at him. "Thank you. Where did you get these from?"

"I-I ran- I ran to the convenience store. Sorry, they're a bit ruined."

You shake your head, eyes softening. "No, no. They're amazing."

Your smile tugs down into a frown as you notice the way he had taken another step backward, and his head hung low. His eyes are closed, lips tightly pursed together.

“Jeonghan…” you whisper, but he still doesn’t move, only screwing his eyes shut harder.

He only moves when he feels a gentle tug on his sleeve, letting himself be pulled forward until he limply fell into your embrace.

Above all the hurt and fear you felt, you were understanding. It wouldn't have been possible to make it this far in a relationship with a celebrity if you weren't.

You let him fall into your arms because you can tell he didn't mean it.

Your arms wrap around his torso instinctively, connecting around his back. After a small moment of hesitation, he wraps his own arms around your shoulders, his grip growing tighter the more time passed.

Even though his clothes were damp, even though he was shivering—an immediate warmth engulfed you as soon as you pulled him into your arms. Jeonghan is warm—he is comfort, he is home.

Your heart cracks as he buries himself into your shoulder and the fabric of your sweater immediately grows wet. The sound of sharp, uncontrollable intakes of breath leaves him, making you sigh and bring a hand up to gently card through the locks of his hair.

Feeling a small pull at your sleeve, turning your head around slightly to see Mieun stepping forward, taking the bouquet of flowers from your hands. You give her a small nod, handing it to her before focusing your attention back on Jeonghan.

“I’m not leaving, Han.”

The sound of your voice makes him sob harder. He hugs you impossibly closer, like if he were to loosen his grip, you’d vanish. The feeling of him pressing you against his body makes you purse your own lips together and squeeze your eyes shut.

“I’m not leaving. You’re okay, we’re okay.”

Slowly, you pull away, keeping a hand on him to reassure him. You rub his arm soothingly, urging him to look at you.

Jeonghan huffs, looking at you miserably before words began tumbling out of his mouth. “God, y/n. y/n, I’m so fucking sorry, I can’t even-” he can’t even finish his sentence before another shaky sob falls from his lips. “I’m such a fucking asshole. You’re so good to me and all I do is treat you like shit-”

“Jeonghan, Jeonghan.” you frantically say, cutting him off. “That is not all you do. Don’t say that about yourself, it’s not true.”

“y/n, no. I fucking- screamed at you- for what? For staying up and waiting for me to come home? For asking about my day and being concerned about me? You even made me food, for crying out loud- and all I do is treat you terribly. Say ugly things when you only deserve to hear nice ones. Make you feel- make you feel like you’re a bother to me. But you’re not, fuck, you could never be.” His voice breaks at the end, echoing around you.

“So, you don’t hate me?”

Jeonghan crumbles, his old words biting at him like a venomous snake. All he does is clench his fists harder.

“Angel,” he breathes out, looking up at the ceiling in an attempt to hold back the tears that threatened to fall.

After recollecting himself, he looks down at you again. “Of course I don’t hate you. Fuck, I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I hated someone as sweet, caring, and incredible as you. I know- I know I treat you like you’re unimportant to me, but you need to believe me when I say that you’re the most important thing to me. You are me. You make me, me.”

Jeonghan notices a single tear that glided down your face. He shoots his hand up instinctively, about to wipe it away, but he stops himself at the last second and lets it fall to his side. You see the action and feel your heart lurch at his hesitance.

He’s scared to touch you.

Gently reaching for his hand, you bring it up and settle it on your cheek. You lean into his touch, closing your eyes.

“But, I scared you...”

You shake your head vigorously. “You’re the one person I could never be scared of. You make me feel safe, loved.”

Slowly, you let go, and his hand stays there, cupping your face. His thumb delicately brushes the skin underneath your eyes, wiping away the tears that fell.

“I made you cry. How could I make you cry, angel? How could I do such a thing?” he whispers, lip quivering.

“I’m okay, Jeonghan. We all have our off days, and while what you said did hurt me, I’m okay. I forgive you,” you respond. “But, if you’re feeling upset, you should talk to someone about it. The boys are here for you. I’m here for you.”

Jeonghan melts, staring at you momentarily before gently tugging you back into his embrace.

“You’re- you’re so good to me…” he says with a sniffle, carding his fingers through your hair.

“I’m good to you because you’re good, Han. You’re good, and you shouldn’t believe otherwise,” you say genuinely, rocking him back and forth.

A brief moment of peace passes before a small mumble leaves Jeonghan’s lips.

“Please come home.”

It’s so quiet that you can barely hear him—but you do, and you nod, even though you were already home.

Home is wherever Jeonghan was.

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