possessive-venting-suggestions - Tumblr blog

[possessive-venting-suggestions]

You're like the color grey, like like sunshine after a snowy day, like trainrides, like replacing lonely late nights with laughing till 3am, like playing clue, like the warm haze of summer, like dancing with friends, like holding hands on a crowded street, like birthday presents like pop music like realizing you don't have to be alone like moving forward. Like forgiveness

[possessive-venting-suggestions]

Every day we don't talk feels like an eternity. It was just yesterday I heard your voice but it feels like a thousand years ago

[possessive-venting-suggestions]

You're like cotton candy flavored icing, like chocolate brownies, like late night drives through the city, like pink balloons, like a swirling of clouds, like ribbons and marshmellos and acoustic guitar and the smell of a swimming pool and watching movies late at night and jellyfish and the washing away of memories only to be replaced by better ones and I could never love someone more then you.

[possessive-venting-suggestions]

U know I'm not better  like I'm still jealous and possessive but its.... 

I know my qpp loves me. She has other people in her life but that doesn't diminish her love for me!!!!!! Sometimes I still dpoubt it but I know I can just talk to her!!! I trust her!!!!

The newest person in the reasonablily short list of people I've been 100% reliant on, like. I still doubt he cares about me, n I fucking h a t done of his friends so much but its. I feel like I'm a lot less paranoid about him hating me nowadays?????? Like I have so many saved conversations n memories of him dropping literally everything to help me and its!!! It makes Me feel a little better!!!!

God I just have a lot of conflicted feelings about people but. The path to being better, a better kinder less jealous less terrified less of a wreck of a person is more clear you know?????

[possessive-venting-suggestions]

i took out on myself the anger you never could.

[possessive-venting-suggestions]

I want to bleed, but I don't have the strength to do it, or the means. I want to be in pain, and yet I can't 

[possessive-venting-suggestions]

I ruined it all for you, and you probably hate me. I just want things to go back to normal. 

[possessive-venting-suggestions]

I can't sleep, I can't stop thinking about how much you hurt him. How this is all your fault. How I could ruin your life

[possessive-venting-suggestions]

Hey quick updates: Johann hasn't been on in 35 days, I've been one shitty thing away from killing myself, bucket and I started a comp tf2 team uhhh that's about it let's all point and laugh at this idiot I got into kuro discourse with

A blog entirely about kuroshitsuji and the wonderful ship of Ciel and Lizzy

Hate is not allowed here

Lizzy is our precious sunshine goddess and no one should hurt her

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Chapter 132 and “the spare” comment

So people are flipping the fuck out over the fact that a) Frances called our!Ciel “the spare” and b) Vincent taking it all in stride, joking they may as well give up the Watchdog title should our!Ciel find himself at the Phantomhive helm. Was it particularly tasteful of them to address our!Ciel in such a blasé, brusque fashion? No. Did they mean it maliciously? No, no they didn’t. They don’t have the gift of hindsight that we as readers do. To them our!Ciel was a young, sickly child who couldn’t even go outside for fear of triggering an asthma attack—who couldn’t even have fencing lessons with Frances because of his weak constitution. (Please note I am NOT disparaging our!Ciel, but even the most devoted Kuro fan will have to recognize this actuality—our!Ciel is not the most robust child out there, as exemplified in canon by the Circus and Campania arcs.)

Furthermore, being the Queen’s Watchdog means executing orders that are both ruthless and necessary. We now know that our!Ciel can behave in such a fashion but back then when the twins were 7, 8 years old? Remember earlier in chapter 132 when Vincent took the twins to inspect the Phantomhive domain? The first thing real!Ciel says after Vincent finishes explaining the duty of a lord is that these tenants will need incentives to keep working the land—a hardline, pragmatic insight befitting a future earl. Yet our!Ciel, once he learns that a lord must “maintain his estate so tenants can be free to devote themselves to their work” worries about keeping everyone satisfied (granting their “wishes”) before wondering how many tenants live on the land. There is a startling difference between the twins in terms of mindset—real!Ciel thinks like an efficient, practical man of business while our!Ciel shows more compassion and thoughtfulness.

A more empathic, gentle approach.

…But these are the exact same sentiments that will get you killed if you’re the Queen’s Watchdog. To Vincent (and probably Frances, since she is Vincent’s sister and he has entrusted her with the training of his heir), our!Ciel probably seems far too softhearted and humane to ever fit the merciless, cutthroat role of Earl Phantomhive. I mean can you really blame Vincent? All his life (up until the fire) our!Ciel has been sweet, caring, obedient, and delicate—he’s shy around strangers, lacks the extroverted charm of his older brother, and his greatest dream is to open a toy shop so he can give joy to other young children.

Does this really sound like the type of kid who could one day kill with impunity, watch others bleed to death before him, and burn down an entire mansion filled with lobotomized children? Vincent and Frances are not trying to be spiteful, cruel, or demeaning—they’ve simply observed the twins, recognized their strengths and weaknesses, and are now discussing the very real possibility of what would happen if real!Ciel were to die. Morbid? Yes. But this was 19th century, lifespans were short and Vincent’s occupation as the Queen’s Watchdog leaves no room for error.

And, in a strange, inconspicuous way, Vincent may also be trying to protect our!Ciel. We know Queen Victoria is a dangerous individual not prone to softer emotions of forgiveness or understanding (i.e. Murder arc) and Vincent, who’s had direct contact with Victoria (thus giving him a chance to observe, catalogue, and analyze her in person), knows that the Phantomhives are disposable tools of the crown. If one of his sons were to mess up then they’d be eradicated and mercy—that odd, human concept—wouldn’t even be considered.

We as readers know our!Ciel is capable—probably more so than real!Ciel—but three years ago, when happiness was still possible and the Phantomhive twins were devoted to one another? The wickedness of what will one day come to pass seems not only farfetched but cruel—for why would you ever force a child like our!Ciel to abandon his innocence in favor of pitiless indifference and demonic power? We cannot fault Vincent and Frances for speaking of our!Ciel in those terms (“the spare”) because, in many ways, Vincent and Frances were also right. Undertaker explicitly says in the Weston arc that our!Ciel is different from his ancestors—a fact that our!Ciel proved when he rescued Joanne Harcourt even though such a task was both unnecessary and foolish. He put his life on the line to rescue Lizzy even though it meant drowning in the cold Atlantic current. Heck he stared death in the face with Madam Red, in the throes of anger, grief, and insanity was ready to stab him to death and he ordered Sebastian not to hurt his aunt.

Even after going through hell and back, there is still compassion inside our eyepatch wearing protagonist, he is still capable of pity, sentiment, and warmth. Our!Ciel has elevated himself beyond the scope of what his father and aunt thought possible, he has achieved momentous triumphs and committed unspeakable acts of horror but we CANNOT judge Vincent and Frances’s comments—made more than 3+ years ago—as hateful or heartless. In their eyes, they were assessing the shy, soft-spoken younger twin—not the tenacious, sharp-tongued, unflinchingly clever Queen’s Watchdog we know and admire.

199 notes | 12:22am 22 Sep 2017 Tagged: #vincent phantomhive #frances midford #our!ciel#real!ciel #ciel phantomhive #sebastian michaelis #elizabeth midford #madam red #joanne harcourt #chapter 132 #spoilers #in defense of papa watchdog and our badass sword queen#please be kind guys #understand where they're coming from #THEY ARE NOT TRYING TO BE MALICIOUS VILE CRUEL OR HATEFUL #they don't have the gift of hindsight that we do#mod Nina

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your-lovers-and-drifters said: I really don’t think “the spare” comment was meant to connote inferiority. It’s just the way high society/nobility operated. To acknowledge one’s second son as “the spare” wasn’t seen as derogatory—it was just a fact of aristocratic life. To us, it may look like Vincent and Frances were belittling our!Ciel but this appellation of birthright was just a product of patrician privilege. @asthmaticastre​ @fraternaltwin-andidiots​ - mod Nina

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Unfortunately we just have to live with all this extra nonsense.

Okay, so first of all, let's just point and laugh at this blithering Morton who thinks that """" just cause they meant well makes it okay""" (read in the most snotty voice possible) and that "oh it was just a fact of life" and "its pokay, they didn't realize that he would grow up to be the way he is!!!"

Like, you stupid motherfucker! PH my god! The issue isn't did they mean to hurt him, or they meant well, or it was true, its that THEY SAID SOMETHING SO FUCKING HORRIBLE ABOUT A CHILD. A CHILD. at the risk of using some kinda logical galaxy, my mom doesn't "" mean"" to hurt me by insulting my friends and yet! Its still a shitty thing to do!! The issue! Isn't if they're right or not, they're still treating a child like shit! Holy FUCK

[possessive-venting-suggestions]

I'm dependant on you, maybe. Maybe that's unhealthy. Maybe. But I would do anything for you to need me the same way

[possessive-venting-suggestions]

You left and it destroyed me, I'll destroy you to heal myself

[possessive-venting-suggestions]

(BTW thesmallestquin, if ur readings this: thank u be very much for the support n help n stuff ur awesome but I wanna write this out long form u feel???)

Anyway

Like,,,,,, I don't know for sure, at this point, but operating under the assumption that he's never talking to me again, and being,,,, suicidal. A few days ago I sent Johann this long thing about... Suicide stuff right and I don't really regret it? But like,,,, that kinda shit is manipulative and...

(TO BE CLEAR I didn't say I was gonna kill myself caquse of him or anything like that okay)

I keep having is problem, with people, and its. I get dependant on them, emotionally, and that isn't... Healthy, or like, a good thing to do to someone but idk how to fix it..... And I mean..

He is being a dick like, all that shit + he hasn't been on in 10 days, uh. Not talking to me about how he feels and problems he has, like. That's not cool, but like,,,,,,

Idk I read this azula analysis, I know that's stupid but like,,, being dependant on someone isn't the same thing as caring about them, and I guess that's true but I really dfo care about the people I'm dependant on ya know. But its still not cool to just. Put someone in that position.

The other thing is, I can't trust my perception of reality, because of my emotional reaction to things its just not accurate. Or if it is, I really can't tell.

Like.... Idk I don't think I should really have friends until I get this shit sorted out, but on the other hand, if I don't have these people I rely on, I'd kill myself so :/

[possessive-venting-suggestions]

BTW all the suggestions I'm writing RN are like,,,, hardcore venting n  trying to work stuff out so

[possessive-venting-suggestions]

No matter where I go, no one will ever care about me, or love me. No one ever will, I was put on this earth to die, and I didn't. I have beaten fate, I am stronger then the universe conspiring against me

[possessive-venting-suggestions]

I dissociated and got 32 points as pyro 

[possessive-venting-suggestions]

Reasons to live:

i61

Grand finals

Years of backlogged b4nny streams

Marble hornets & the bois & spooky spaghetti man

Pokémon games >:0

Guess who’s alive rn cause of i61??????

[possessive-venting-suggestions]

Actually fuck it I'm alive cause of b4nny like????

Guess who’s alive rn cause of i61??????