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[primaviva]

us airman aaron bushnell set himself on fire outside the israeli embassy, declaring he would "not be complicit in genocide".

it will be free palestine till i die

[primaviva]

TOO GOOD😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

diamonds are a girl’s best friend ♡

really proud of this ngl! Reference under the cut hehe

@ace-and-sleepdeprived @c4ndytr4p @cuichichan @darksidescorner @fancylala4 @gltzpzy @hoe-bie @kaidan-z @loveclovers @l0starl @weirdo09 @wlwocprincess @ohara-n-brown @ptizzy @punkeropercyjackson @primaviva @skullghoulz @sp1derw1re @tatumis-a @urmadiik @thisismisogynoir

[primaviva]

[primaviva]

i'm not sure if you're aware of the representation of the israeli occupation being the entirety of the wlf vs the seraphites section and that that's actually where neil's zionist views are most prevalent. i think it's disingenuous to call out the performativeness of ellie content while completing negating all the content of other popular characters content especially because the zionism propaganda is grossly apparent in them. i don't really want to get into the semantics.

but i do agree with your post, i thought about it the other day and it's genuinely jarring to see links for palestine introducing a fic of fucking a fictional character/s from a game that perpetuates the very violence the author is supposedly calling against, the irony is just ludicrous. but anyway, i'm sorry for ranting omg i just wanted to add that it applies for all tlou content/characters/actors not just ellie and not just the remastered even part i has zionist propo. (bella ramsey called for a ceasefire after liking several of neil's zionist posts, the actress who's playing dina in the show is also a zionist, pedro's not a zionist i think but he was silent for weeks before saying anything and is close friends w several zionists so i would'nt say calling him one is far fetched)

yes, i am aware of the symbolic parallels in the game because i followed the news about the zionism in the game since it first started coming out in january (funnily enough when tlou was coming out…) but i also don’t personally agree that it’s “disingenuous” to call out performative actions on the behalf of people who favor ellie in the game compared to other forms of propaganda in the game because im simply not talking about that. my focus in my rant was the ellie stans because of the abrupt switch up that occurred during this week compared to the past few months based on what’s been happening in palestine as well as the extent zionism influences the game—especially its creator. i was simply making a comment about what i was mostly seeing promoted in the tags, which was the hypocrisy of ellie writers and stans. i didn't think it necessary to include other parts of the larger story about how deeply ingrained zionism is in the history of the game in order to highlight how ellie writers fail to understand how to properly advocate. it just had nothing to do with my original point to be honest but you are right that other aspects of the game if not all include some inspiration from his zionistic narrative on palestine.

my whole point was drawing direct parallels to neil and his own experiences being put into the characters as i feel he sees himself as ellie, being enraged by the loss of joel and in a means to avenge his death as well as make herself feel better for the loss ultimately go out and kill the people responsible, which makes ellie have some zionistic elements to her character. i am not talking about the idf v. wlf and the battle for land because i interpret that as israel v. palestine whereas the cofmlct between ellie and abby (along with her friends) as neil v. palestinians. i got another anon like this that used similar wording and don’t know if it was you as well but i thought i made this quite clear in my original post and other ones. again, i never addressed the idf and the wlf because i never mentioned it originally as i am solely talking about characters and the writers such as ellie/ellie writers because that’s the big chunk of it.

and i am so so so SO glad you brought up the link trees being put under fics. it’s honestly like a double edged sword because on one end why the hell are there links to help give humanitarian aid to a ethnic cleanse/genocide happening in palestine under a fic of ellie strapping down reader in the bathroom of a party happening at jackson ???? it just looks absurd, out of place, and a bit disrespectful considering the juxtaposition of content cus how we going from reading smut to addressing a real issue killing thousands. but at the same time, i do acknowledge that there are people who don’t care enough as they should about these issues and rather ignore what’s going on by sticking to their regular routine instead of taking action so maybe by putting links at the end of multiple fics it will push people who didn’t care before to start engaging in free palestine content. i can see the vision but it depends on what type of fanfiction it is yk because if it were fluff i would say okay it’s appropriate but if it’s a smut… idk i see both the benefits and its problems. and yeah all the actors have been disappointing to say the least especially after bella made a palestine highlight after liking SEVERAL zionist posts just to save they own ass 😭😭😭😭😭 and i don’t think pedro is a zionist but it’s not like that matters because one of the worse things you can do is be silent which is arguably worse like it is better to say something than nothing at all. i compare it to taylor swift who refuses to mention the genocide and almost operates as if it doesn’t exist, similar to most celebs being favored in the media right now, because that makes them appear neutral and avoids the risk of losing a large amount of fans based on “political” views which is just gross.

but don’t apologize for ranting!!! i actually find what you said really interesting about how writing for ellie while opposing violence towards palestine is basically hypocritical because she is doing the same violence in the game. i didn’t ALWAYS know about the stuff with neil because tlou isn’t one of my most favorite games but i interpret you saying that based on the knowledge that we all know now which is that the game is based on a foundation of zionism. i feel like you could view the story of tlou2 (or at least by how it ended) as a story about grief and how certain actions come back to haunt you, courtesy of joel, as well as the road to redemption/making peace because after ellie goes on a rampage she does choose in the end to not kill abby which is like wow cus after everything you lost you didn’t do what you said you would due to her change in heart yk. but you can’t really separate the fact that it is based in zionism so hypothetically if the genocide happening in gaza simply wasn’t happening, would it then be okay to write/edit ellie? because the vibe you are giving is that it isn’t morally right to edit/write/etc for ellie as well as other characters who have the same elements of zionism engraved into their character (not that i am saying this view is bad, wrong, or invalid) and if that’s so i would love to hear you elaborate because that’s a whole other point of view on this whole thing.

anyways sorry for being a d1 yapper anon but you’re so so right and brought up some really good points i just had to type like i had 48 hours of free time‼️‼️

[primaviva]

i was going to keep responding to anons i got because i love to yap about certain topics but mfs keep bringing the idf v. wolfs when i am directly drawing a parallel to how neil felt towards palestinians when that certain event happened versus how it translated (and he stated this is what inspired it so let’s not be senile) into the story with ellie being hungry for revenge and hunting abby. i am not talking about the idf/wlf, i am talking about my OWN interpretation based on my own information from what i have read about neil derived from his own words because i feel it makes a bigger statement using his own thoughts to parallel what he writes in his story. i see the conflict between ellie v. abby as a representation of neil perspective among other things but that does not include the bigger picture of the conflict between the idf and wlf that is palestine v. israel represented as a whole.

some of us are thinking in too narrow of boxes and i don’t need to over explain to you just to discuss the hypocrisy of ellie writers. yes, there are zionistic elements to ellie’s characters because neil (her creator 😱😱😱) based some of his personal experiences onto her to build off into the story. i hate to be the first to tell you that the conflict between ellie and abby is inspired by neil hate for a specific group of people due to one action that seemingly shifted his point of view on life…sounds similar huh??🤔

Evident in Ellie? Isn’t Abby the one who’s supposed to be the one whos “”representing”” Israel?

no? i am just going to assume you aren’t fully aware of neil’s zionist history although he doesn’t shy away from speaking about how his experiences as an israeli influenced the script and storytelling in tlou2.

this isn’t directly related to the actual content in the game but this is outside information that really stuck with me: neil discussed how when he was little that he witnessed palestinian terrorists hang two israeli soldiers and how it enraged him to see those fellow Israelis be killed by the likes of palestinians especially because was we know there has been a long ongoing hatred between palestine and israel (more so fueled by israel due to their constant push for the land as this war did not JUST start in october but has been an ongoing conflict between the two). he stated that in that moment he wished to kill every single one of them aka palestinians to make them pay for those depths.

i never assigned which side is which in my statement but it seems that’s what you’re using to process the information given so if we ARE to assign roles based on the given information you can already draw some parallels. for example, one of ellie’s most famous line paraphrased is “i’m going to find and kill everyone last one of them” which is already mirroring how niel felt toward the people of palestine. so that means that abby and everyone involved in joels death would be “palestine” in this case or be some symbolic representation of palestine. i don’t really like this analogy because it’s super oversimplified and also the conflict ellie and abby is not the only example of zionistic parallels nor is it the most important as other aspects in the stories lore and such draws some influence from niel’s perspective on palestine. also there’s multiple zionistic themes portrayed differently for one subject like the idf v. wlf so to say one is this and the other is that for what they represent is just silly.

if you really don’t know much about it i would suggest reading into it for yourself because i did especially when he spoke in his own words and it was….a lot!

[primaviva]

[primaviva]

Evident in Ellie? Isn’t Abby the one who’s supposed to be the one whos “”representing”” Israel?

no? i am just going to assume you aren’t fully aware of neil’s zionist history although he doesn’t shy away from speaking about how his experiences as an israeli influenced the script and storytelling in tlou2.

this isn’t directly related to the actual content in the game but this is outside information that really stuck with me: neil discussed how when he was little that he witnessed palestinian terrorists hang two israeli soldiers and how it enraged him to see those fellow Israelis be killed by the likes of palestinians especially because was we know there has been a long ongoing hatred between palestine and israel (more so fueled by israel due to their constant push for the land as this war did not JUST start in october but has been an ongoing conflict between the two). he stated that in that moment he wished to kill every single one of them aka palestinians to make them pay for those depths.

i never assigned which side is which in my statement but it seems that’s what you’re using to process the information given so if we ARE to assign roles based on the given information you can already draw some parallels. for example, one of ellie’s most famous line paraphrased is “i’m going to find and kill everyone last one of them” which is already mirroring how niel felt toward the people of palestine. so that means that abby and everyone involved in joels death would be “palestine” in this case or be some symbolic representation of palestine. i don’t really like this analogy because it’s super oversimplified and also the conflict ellie and abby is not the only example of zionistic parallels nor is it the most important as other aspects in the stories lore and such draws some influence from niel’s perspective on palestine. also there’s multiple zionistic themes portrayed differently for one subject like the idf v. wlf so to say one is this and the other is that for what they represent is just silly.

if you really don’t know much about it i would suggest reading into it for yourself because i did especially when he spoke in his own words and it was….a lot!

[primaviva]

yk i be in the kitchen 😋

about to say something a bit controversial depending on who gets to this lil brain vomit first 🙈🙈 however, i jus think there's something intriguing about the last of us writing fandom on this site, particularly in light of the last of us II most recent game. we are aware that the creator of the last of us is a zionist, and that his interactions with palestinians during his time as an Israeli fueled his hatred for them all, which is evident in ellie as she pursues those responsible for joel's death. i mention that merely to put things in perspective—as of right now, we are living through a genocide. i should add that this genocide really got underway in october and hasn't stopped on its course of murderous tyranny since. how does this tie with the fandom of the last of us? i have learned that the writers have chosen to go on strike as of recently. i hardly read ellie fics as much; instead, i just write what people ask me to write. the phrase "there is a genocide happening right now" is used a lot in these posts on the strike, and while it is true that a genocide is happening right now, it has been going for a period of time. i just find this arrogant. before the news of the tlou creator's zionist affiliation spread out through the media, individuals had no trouble writing for the game, editing it, or posting about it. even though it was widely known last month that the author is a zionist, individuals still seemed to feel safe talking about it. however, this month, as more attention has been focused on it, it appears that people want to take action. honestly, it seems like until palestine's relationship with the game was directly impacted, a strike or any awareness of the issue would never take place. additionally, compared to more mainstream media, tumblr's fanfic writing section is far more independent, thus this boycott has no effect—and boycotts are meant to have an impact. on top of that, this boycott is only going to last for one week, which makes it so forgettable and ultimately ineffective in raising awareness. moreover, i noticed that most people kept writing for ellie for at least a few days leading up to the start of the boycott date, at which point they abruptly started posting about palestine and people who were following the strike, all the while continuing to reblog tlou2 remastered ellie content, such as her new costumes. it just seems performative and lacks structure to actually do something meaningful to the injustices happening right now.

anyways, keep in mind to post about palestine, refrain from purchasing the remastered version of the last of us II to line the coffers of that zionist, and refrain from streaming the upcoming season of the live action show when it premieres (unless illegally…)

and don’t twist my words! i do support this strike and think it is a nice form for writers to play their part so with that being said we should not be posting anything until it is over. however… i have to acknowledge the hypocrisy/flaws that comes with it. i know my moot/friend @ashsostrange said something about this but i just wanted to bring my own thoughts especially as a writer.

[primaviva]

about to say something a bit controversial depending on who gets to this lil brain vomit first 🙈🙈 however, i jus think there's something intriguing about the last of us writing fandom on this site, particularly in light of the last of us II most recent game. we are aware that the creator of the last of us is a zionist, and that his interactions with palestinians during his time as an Israeli fueled his hatred for them all, which is evident in ellie as she pursues those responsible for joel's death. i mention that merely to put things in perspective—as of right now, we are living through a genocide. i should add that this genocide really got underway in october and hasn't stopped on its course of murderous tyranny since. how does this tie with the fandom of the last of us? i have learned that the writers have chosen to go on strike as of recently. i hardly read ellie fics as much; instead, i just write what people ask me to write. the phrase "there is a genocide happening right now" is used a lot in these posts on the strike, and while it is true that a genocide is happening right now, it has been going for a period of time. i just find this arrogant. before the news of the tlou creator's zionist affiliation spread out through the media, individuals had no trouble writing for the game, editing it, or posting about it. even though it was widely known last month that the author is a zionist, individuals still seemed to feel safe talking about it. however, this month, as more attention has been focused on it, it appears that people want to take action. honestly, it seems like until palestine's relationship with the game was directly impacted, a strike or any awareness of the issue would never take place. additionally, compared to more mainstream media, tumblr's fanfic writing section is far more independent, thus this boycott has no effect—and boycotts are meant to have an impact. on top of that, this boycott is only going to last for one week, which makes it so forgettable and ultimately ineffective in raising awareness. moreover, i noticed that most people kept writing for ellie for at least a few days leading up to the start of the boycott date, at which point they abruptly started posting about palestine and people who were following the strike, all the while continuing to reblog tlou2 remastered ellie content, such as her new costumes. it just seems performative and lacks structure to actually do something meaningful to the injustices happening right now.

anyways, keep in mind to post about palestine, refrain from purchasing the remastered version of the last of us II to line the coffers of that zionist, and refrain from streaming the upcoming season of the live action show when it premieres (unless illegally…)

and don’t twist my words! i do support this strike and think it is a nice form for writers to play their part so with that being said we should not be posting anything until it is over. however… i have to acknowledge the hypocrisy/flaws that comes with it. i know my moot/friend @ashsostrange said something about this but i just wanted to bring my own thoughts especially as a writer.

[primaviva]

“advocate for palestine the right way” is so true, intention means EVERYTHING

it’s so important that people stand up for palestinians and the genocide that they’ve been experiencing for multiple months now, and i’ve been doing so in any way i can since october. boycotting, reblogging posts, familiarizing myself with what’s going on, etc.

that being said, i js wna know.. what’s a week long strike of not posting tlou fics gonna do? i’m not at all against the idea, i’m genuinely asking, because first and foremost, it’s looking like not a lot of people knew about it. neil is not profiting off of the fanfiction YOU write. i feel like if anything, people should be boycotting the game (including the remaster), merch, etc. anything that puts money into the pockets of neil drukman. i bet tons of people bought the remaster, (whether or not you did is between you and god i guess.) the genocide began in october. the remaster came out in january.. that was last month. i’m sure plenty of you knew of the genocide, but now it’s boycott tlou?? with the remaster sitting in your ps5 library??????? 😭 i’ve seen people talking about how neil’s a zionist in the ellie tag, so it’s no way some of y’all didn’t know.

after this, y’all are gonna go back to posting tlou content, which is fine, but it makes me wonder what the goal truly is here. is it just a single week dedicated to spreading awareness? because you should be doing that just as much either way. realistically, if you were striking the “right” way, you’d stop posting fics/tlou content until the genocide is 100% resolved. if you had been constantly spreading awareness about what’s happening in palestine in the first place just as much as you are now, the exact same way you are now, while simultaneously posting fics or whatever the hell else, would you REALLY need a week? again, genuinely asking. and before you get mad, let’s really think about it. advocate for palestine the right way.

[primaviva]

HEAVEN 'N HELL - OPHELIA

if i die, please, let them find me.

angel(s): gwen stacy & fem reader includes: angst, flashbacks, & themes of depression chapter synopsis: you wasted away the summer ignoring your feelings, gwen unable to escape hers. wc: 4.5k

divider

heaven 'n hell m.list

august 2023

you felt as though you were melting into your mattress as you lay in your bed on your stomach idly. soon enough, you would be nothing but a puddle of liquid that your sheets and your covers were forcefully drenched in. you had tried so incredibly hard not to mull over the loss of your ex-girlfriend, and for some time, you didn’t do so at all. 

for the first few weeks of the summer, you dismissed the aching feeling in your chest entirely and feigned stability, carrying out your habitual summertime regimen. you went on nightly strolls when the moon was shining a little too bright for you to fall under. when it wasn’t too hot out, you’d venture to the lake and journal thoughts that didn’t involve her. it was therapeutic the way your pen glided across the sheets of paper with ease, and you found solace in the green grass beneath your fingers, coupled with the way the sun kissed your delicate skin. you dove even deeper into the artistry of baking, discovering new recipes and modifying older ones. your method seemed to be working efficiently, because by the end of each and every day, you were far too worn out to give anything else so little as half of a thought.

no matter what, you refused to confront your feelings. what you didn’t yet realize was that pretending like your feelings didn’t exist wasn’t going to stop them from eating you from the inside out whether you liked it or not.

that’s exactly what they did. your efforts had essentially gone to waste. 

one night, something in you just snapped. you could only ignore the tugs at your heartstrings until they turned into painful yanks. you couldn’t stand to bury your hurt anymore, so you dug it up. the oppressive ache of losing both of your best friends in such a short time period plagued your being from then on. you felt dead.

being locked away in your bedroom made you lose track of time. days turned into weeks and weeks turned into the entire summer. you had unfortunately succumbed to the desolation and the seclusion that your body had been begging to enervate you with, and the gelidity that had been nipping at your soul had overpowered your suffocating routine and broken you.

were just there and residing inside of you, the only escape being the tears that spilled from your eyes not intermittently, but only when you let yourself think about gwen too much in one day.

you didn't grieve how you should've. you’d willingly let sorrow consume you. it was who you were now.

summer break was coming to a close. the first day of your senior year was just a week away from the night jules came over to check in on you. she did these checks because your parents were usually on business trips, giving you the freedom to rot in bed without anyone’s knowledge. 

jules came sometime in the evening. she found you snuggled in your bed, blankets layered on top of your exhausted figure. your tv was playing a movie, but you weren’t paying attention, nor did you know what movie was on. you were facing the wall, staring blankly. you’d been doing so for some time. it’s not like it was on purpose.

“hey girl, i brought you some chinese food,” jules announced with a soft sigh. 

you heard a plastic bag crinkling in unison with jules’ footsteps. she set the plastic bag down on the surface of your desk, knowing you’d get up and eat when you were hungry. she briefly inspected your room and picked up a few items that she noticed were out of place. earlier on in the summer, you’d fallen into the habit of having an untidy room. you quickly fixed that when you realized it only made you feel worse about yourself, so now, your room was almost always spotless.

jules said, “you changed your curtains.”

“i did,” you confirmed monotonously. your old curtains were white, embroidered with baby blue floral designs. the new ones you had put up were light pink blackout curtains.

“they’re cute.” “thanks. and thanks for the food.”

you thought jules was simply making sure you were still breathing, dropping off food, and leaving, because that’s how these things usually went. instead, she sat near the foot of your bed, the cushiony mattress slowly shifting under her. it urged you to roll over and sit up, a puzzled expression painted on your face as you stared at jules.

“school’s about to re-open,” she reminded you.

“i’m very aware,” you nodded, releasing an exasperated sigh. 

she nodded slowly, squinting her eyes at you slightly. “right, so… have you packed? done any school shopping?”

“no…” you shook your head.

“you do know when your orientation is, right?”

you tapped your chin repeatedly for a few moments as if the answer was stored in a file deep inside your brain, and you needed to retrieve it before offering up a response “…yeah, no.” 

“it’s tomorrow!” jules exclaimed, pinching the bridge of her nose.

you flopped back down onto your mattress, clearly uninterested. “i can just skip this one. they talk about the same shit every time. it’s really not worth it.”

“it’s mandatory,” jules added. like it would change your mind.

“mandatory, my ass,” you rolled your eyes, yanking your blanket back over you. “how do you even know about this?”

“someone’s gotta keep up. you won’t. i know you better.” 

you didn’t give her a reply, in lieu turning over on your back so you could fix your eyes on the ceiling.

jules exhaled your name, her eyebrows now furrowed in concern. “i’m leaving in two days to go back to houston. i won’t be able to check in like this anymore…” she laid down next to you, joining you in your staring contest with the overhead of your bedroom. “i need you to start taking better care of yourself. no more staying inside twenty-four-seven. you’re gonna go on walks and–”

“walks?” you cut in with a scoff. "seriously?”

“you used to love walks!”

“i liked going on them with gwen.”

you grimaced deeply as soon as you said her name. it left a bad taste in your mouth, but it was true. back when you were dating, you and gwen would regularly go on late-night walks together when sleep wouldn’t have either of you. it was something you two had been doing ever since you were kids, so it stuck with you when you got into a relationship, and even after you called it quits.

“look,” jules began. “i know you miss her, but this breakup is seriously becoming an obstacle. if you keep up like this, you’re gonna ruin your future. all i ask is that you make an effort–”

you planted the palms of your hands on the mattress and used them to arise from your spot, speaking over your cousin in a rather accusatory manner, “you think i’m not making an effort?” 

“you didn’t let me finish,” jules replied, her expression hardening. “all i ask is that you make an effort to try and do some of the things you used to. don’t rush things. that didn’t go well last time.”

you looked down at your lap, sinking your teeth into your bottom lip. you felt embarrassed at how defensive you got. you knew jules was right anyhow. she was only trying to help.

“you’ve worked so hard, from the moment you got into that school. it can’t be for nothing. don’t let it be.” 

you pressed your lips together and a puff of air shot out through your nose. jules was right–again. it was your senior year. you just needed to push through those ten months, no matter how harrowing they felt.

“i haven’t even finished packing,” you mumbled. the fact that you didn’t condemn the idea elicited a smile of hope on your older cousin’s face.

jules hopped off the bed, pulling on either of your arms so you were sitting up. “so we’ll pack. don’t worry, girl. you’re gonna have a great year, okay?”

you nodded, though you didn’t believe that in the slightest. “okay.”

you couldn’t subdue the doubt that you’d never be able to seal the deep puncture in your soul. maybe this was one of those wounds that time couldn’t heal.

the next day arrived faster than you wanted it to. you were pining for the familiar comfort of your bed, eager to escape senior orientation. you were sitting in a fold-up chair, your bottom growing numb from the hard, rough plastic. it’d been a prolonged thirty minutes of various staff explaining things such as college, scholarships, test scores, clubs, sports, community service, and dorms. you weren’t mentally present for the vast majority of it, rather exhausting your social media apps or contemplating ideas that weren’t relevant in the slightest.

out of curiosity, your eyes scanned the room for familiar faces. you weren’t met with anyone you recognized, but forgettable faces that would star as background characters in your future dreams.

you left a little bit before orientation officially concluded to get a head start on unpacking your suitcase. jules was already in your dorm, awaiting your arrival so she could help you unpack since she knew you’d been putting it off.

on your way to student housing, you passed by one of the larger gyms. you were greeted with a familiar warmth in your chest, then it tightened when you remembered. you halted immediately and took a few steps backward to peek inside. it was the gym you attended your first and only prom in—the prom peter died at.

it was like his soul and his energy still resided within–like he was haunting it. 

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

december 2022

you and gwen strolled into the faintly lit and thoroughly decorated gym alongside each other. the cooler lighting cast a gentle hue of purple over the both of you. the white spotlights whirling around the gym heavily illuminated the area as opposed to the ones that weren’t as harsh. a crescent moon hung gracefully from the ceiling above the stage on the other side of the gym, alternating between tinges of blue, pink, and purple. dangling from the ceiling and decorating the walls were strings of silver stars, exuding the illusion of a starry night.  

you liked your outfit. you had on a short, sparkly, fitted black dress with thin spaghetti straps. you wore black stockings over your legs and black heels on your feet. your earrings were simple but cute: sparkly moon studs. a silver necklace with a shiny star pendant hung around your neck, resting in between your two collarbones. the girl beside you wore a black, grunge leather jacket, with various pins decorating the collar over her pink high-low skirted dress. to accessorize, she wore a dark-colored choker around her neck, two pearl necklaces, and identical pearl earrings that matched the neckpieces. black belts decorated her hips, hanging loosely. she had told you she was going for a nineties kind of look and you thought she totally nailed it.

both you and the blonde wore matching pink rose corsages around your wrists. peter was going to have the other piece pinned to the jacket of his suit. since none of you had dates, you decided to go together as friends. you had yet to spot him though.

you and gwen walked further into the gym, wrapping up the conversation you’d been having on the way in. gwen’s bandmates all waved at you and gwen from one of the drink tables and you two waved back.

“you excited to play?” you asked gwen, gesturing to the instruments that were already set up on the stage. mj had pulled a few strings, and now her band was going to play near the end of the dance.

“excited, yeah. also a little nervous,” she admitted.

“don’t be, you’ll do great,” you slung your arm around her shoulders, flashing her a toothy grin. your eyes wandered the gym, searching for the last piece to your trio, but you couldn’t find him.

“hey, where’s peter?” gwen asked you.

“i was wondering the same…” you took your arm back and squinted into the distance, standing on your tip-toes and trying to see over the heads of other students. “i thought he was catching a ride with harry, but he should be here by now.”

“i don’t see harry either,” gwen groaned. “jesus christ, i hope they didn’t bail.”

you shook your head. “peter wouldn’t do that.” “yeah, you’re right,” gwen shook her head. “let’s split up. i’ll text you if i find him.” “cool, me too.”

you weaved through the crowds of people, muttering small “excuse me’s” and “sorry’s” as needed. despite your efforts, your eyes never came to land on the familiar lanky brunette with glasses. you turned on your heel, beginning to make your way to the opposite side of the gym. at the same time, you checked your phone. no text from gwen. you shoved your cell back in your purse and made your way to one of the drink tables, grabbing a can of your favorite soda and popping it open. your eyes continued to sweep the crowds in the gym as you leaned on the table, your quiet sigh drowned out by the loud music reverberating throughout the gym.

“lookin’ good,” a sonorous voice suddenly said from behind you, disconnecting you from your thoughts. 

your eyebrows lowered before you had even processed who the voice belonged to. you craned your neck to the left to see none other than ned leeds smirking at you, him and his stupid blonde mohawk. you couldn’t help but roll your eyes, then close them before exhaling.

ned continued, “way too good to hang with that nerd and his girlfriend.”

“excuse you,” gwen’s voice scoffed before you could rebut, leaving you confused as to where she even came from. “peter is not my boyfriend.”

“and your compliment was ass!” you added, the blonde’s fingers simultaneously wrapping around your free wrist.

ned looked like he was itching to fire back at you, but gwen was already pulling you away by your arm, her grip firm. she led you to an area that was less populated.

“g, i’d like to keep my circulation,” you said to her once you both had stopped, wiggling your arm around. “right, sorry,” she chuckled awkwardly, letting go of your wrist and clearing her throat. “i didn’t find peter.”

you rubbed your wrist and breathed out, “neither did i. didn’t see harry either.” “i did. he was with some girl, and told me that peter was going to find another way here.”

your eyebrows raised. “peter said that?”

“according to harry, yeah,” gwen pressed her lips together, folding her arms anxiously. “and may told me peter’s not home.”

“shit…” you muttered.

gwen’s eyes suddenly narrowed and her neck snapped so she was facing the opposite side of the gym. mere seconds later, the wall fell apart, screams erupting as debris fogged up the air around you. you pulled gwen towards one of the exits as what appeared to be an oversized green lizard stormed further into the gym, the impact shaking the ground and sending you straight for the floor. gwen caught you, helping you gain balance again before you both sprinted out of the gym.

“i gotta go! get out of here!" gwen directed.

“what?!” you yelled, having barely heard your best friend over all the chaos in the background. 

“trust me!"

she took off, disappearing into the debris as more and more students rushed out. what was she thinking? you were left conflicted. in the moment, you didn't trust her at all. how could you? as much as you wanted to go in there and talk some sense into her, you’d be a fool to run into that gym after her.

“gwen!”

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

june 2023

“gwen!”

two gentle taps to gwen’s shoulder pulled her out of her head. 

“yo, death leopard,” a voice called out. “something wrong?”

gwen turned around to see her bandmate, mj standing behind her, arms folded over her chest. she looked half irritated and half annoyed. gwen cleared her throat, a shade of red sneaking up under her pale, freckled cheeks. she swallowed thickly and only then did it click that she was still at band practice, not prom.

she then spoke, “no, everything’s good.”

“cool, so could you maybe start playing the drums on three?”

“huh?” gwen glanced down at the drum set below her in confusion, then back at her friends.

“we counted off three different times, but your head was in space, star girl,” glory explained.

“could you even hear us?” betty inquired, a worrisome frown etched on her face.

not at all.

gwen had been deep in thought, the world surrounding her now irrelevant as the tragedy that transpired at prom replayed in her head like a broken record. the fatal blow gwen delivered to the lizard followed by the discovery that it was peter all along was stuck on loop. she didn’t mean to kill him—spider-woman never kills anyone. that’s not what the media and the press thought though, and sure as hell not what gwen’s father, the police chief thought, either. 

gwen recalled desperately throwing rocks and rubble off of her best friend, holding his face in her hands as her body went numb. his hair was shaggy and coated with dust from the foundation of the broken wall. his eyes were half-lidded, his brown irises appearing to have had the life sucked out of them.

“i just wanted to be special… like you, gwen.”  he had said. gwen didn’t know what he meant. she didn't think there was anything special about her. she felt like the most useless person on the planet, especially in that moment.

her job was twenty times harder now. for the rest of her life, she’d have to fight off supervillains while the cops were hot on her trail. for the rest of her life, she’d have to live with the guilt that she took her best friend’s life. she’d have to listen to her father complain about how spider-woman ruins lives. how she ruined may’s life, and his life–and hers. given the way gwen’s life was going, she wouldn’t argue him on it. she lost peter and she lost you. ever since, she felt as though she was living on autopilot, far too busy to have any time to grieve properly. to feel.

gwen couldn't talk to anyone. there wasn’t a single person she could confide in–except for you. the only issue was gwen didn’t just break up with you, she had severed you two’s connection entirely, giving you the impression that she wanted nothing to do with you.

gwen was unsure how to respond to the questions that still hung in the air, so she only stared further, her eyes darting between betty and glory, who both awaited her answer.

mj sighed. “are you sure you’re okay? it’s okay if you’re not, we all have our days.”

“yeah, i’m good. i just spaced out,” gwen insisted, though the girl before her was extremely unconvinced.

mj walked back to her mic, ripping it from the stand and unplugging the wire. “let’s just end early today. i think we all deserve a break, yeah?”

betty and glory nodded in unison. gwen stared at her lap in pure defeat. this was the second band practice that ended earlier than scheduled that week because her mind was somewhere else. she eventually packed up her drum set and migrated off stage to the second row of seats in the seating area. once betty and glory were gone, mj joined gwen, sitting in a seat to the left of her.

“look, we have a festival to play at in three weeks. that’s really not a lot of time,” mj furrowed her eyebrows. “but i’m more worried about you. what’s really going on?”

gwen never was one to open up. even if she wanted to, she couldn’t. she couldn’t tell anyone about the double life she took on, so nobody would ever be able to even begin to understand the grief that came with peter’s passing. you still tried. even though you were mourning peter too, you still managed to bring gwen’s walls down and held her hand gently, assuring her that what happened wasn't her fault. teaching her that she wasn’t a burden for feeling, because feeling was what made her human. it wasn’t a surprise that gwen built those walls again right after your breakup.

gwen couldn’t even give the redhead a proper response before two honks blared from outside, but they both know she would’ve dismissed it anyway. 

“that’s probably my dad,” gwen muttered, grabbing her tote back and slowly rising up from the chair. she pulled the tote over her shoulder and began to walk away, but she stopped and looked over her shoulder. “i’ll be better next rehearsal. promise.”

mj watched with worried eyes as gwen left. gwen held her breath until she was behind those double doors. 

mj knew there was something gwen wasn’t telling her.

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

april 2023

it was a cool friday evening. the refreshing spring air that the month of april so kindly delivered blew against your soft skin. the sunset looked heavenly that day. the sky dyed with warmer colors as opposed to the usual blue, the contrast in the differing tinctures painting the clouds a salmony pink. you were walking to your girlfriend’s apartment with the intention of spending the night. you two had planned in advance, so it had been the only thing one your mind just about that entire week. even though you’d had an argument a couple of days prior, you wouldn’t say it was detrimental to your relationship.

that was until you arrived at her apartment.

it may sound fucked up, but the truth was that after peter’s death, when you found out that gwen was spider-woman, you didn’t think anything else could possibly come between you two, since the secrecy that came with gwen being a superhero had always been where your doubts had stemmed, though you didn’t know it at the time.

when you learned of gwen’s alter ego, you also learned to empathize with her. you understood if she missed a few movie nights. you didn’t snap at her if she left you high and dry at restaurants where you were supposed to be having dates at. you didn’t mind having to go on a couple of nightly strolls alone, and you didn’t get angry when she’d show up at your window with injuries, because none of it was out of the blue or suspicious anymore.

in retrospect, you hadn’t realized how chaotic your relationship was. you were far too busy being caught up in the highest highs to really stop and think about it. the lows practically descended as low as the bottom of an ocean floor, where no land was in sight from the surface of the water, and the memory of the highs was the only thing that helped you stay afloat.

albeit you and gwen hadn’t had a low in a while, your most recent argument had to do with her tendency to distance herself when she gets stressed or when things got difficult. you thought you two had worked through it, enforcing healthy communication like you agreed to. at the end of it all, the issue was resolved (temporarily, anyway.) you thought that meant progress. 

oh, how wrong you were.

you arrived at her complex and knocked on the door, pressing your lips together as you waited. a couple of seconds later, you heard the lock twist and the door opened. gwen was in one of her hoodies and black sweats, the back of her hair bunched into a pink claw clip while a few of the front pieces hung loosely. she looked disheveled, to say the least. tired.

“hey,” you spoke first.

gwen cleared her throat. “hi.”

you squinted at her as she maneuvered around the open door, shutting it behind her and clearing her throat. you stared at her in confusion while she stared at you in what you could only make out to be woe.

“is everything okay? can i come in?”

gwen opened her mouth to speak but then hesitated. her left thumb was making back-and-forth motions on her right one, an unspoken tell that she was stressed or nervous.

“gwen, i’m talking to you.”

she shook her head. “i know. sorry.”

“is something going on?” you reiterated.

“yeah, i forgot to call you,” she said, pushing a piece of her hair behind her ear.

“about?”

she exhaled. “we can’t do the sleepover today.”

your face morphed into one of confusion. “why not?”

there weren’t any villains terrorizing the city, otherwise you wouldn’t even be face to face with gwen. you hadn’t hung out with her one on one in about two weeks, so she’d had plenty of space and time to herself.

“i think i need some time to think about a few things,” she told you, her voice low.

you froze. you were at loss for words entirely. 

“okay… um…” your voice trailed off, searching through your scattered brain for something to respond with.

“you didn’t do anything, i promise,” gwen clarified as she hugged her arms, tugging at the fabric of her hoodie. “it’s me.”

“you wanna talk about it?” you offered.

“no,” gwen replied quicker and harsher than she meant to, causing your eyes to widen. “sorry—no. i just need some time to myself,” she corrected herself, her tone softer. “for a little longer than a while.”

“oh,” you retorted. “yeah, no, i understand.”

“thanks,” she coerced a smile, but it was weak.

you nodded and both of you stood in silence for a few moments before gwen turned on her heel, retreating back to the warmth of her apartment and leaving you alone on the other side of the door. she didn’t offer to walk you back home, or even hug you. you sighed in disappointment and began to walk back the way you came. you were heavily conflicted. apart from the fact that she had basically just told you she needed space indefinitely, all you could think about was how your interaction with gwen had felt stale, or unnatural. something felt different, although you couldn’t put your finger on it. gwen was without a doubt distancing herself again, you knew that, but it wasn’t the same as all the other times. there was some kind of uncertainty to it.

your thoughts were so loud.

was that a breakup? no. it couldn’t have been. she just said she needed space—but why from me?

your head was already pounding and it got worse the more you thought about the possibility, so you opted to let it go. just for a little while. you told yourself, it isn’t a breakup it’s just a break. 

that’s all it is.

©maliland

taglist: @spid3namy

[primaviva]

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don't forget about the strike. email your reps right now

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"Bisan flying a kite today ♥️ The Palestinian smile is resistance to the colonizers and their inhumane occupation. Palestine will be free."

from Wear The Peace, 19/Feb/2024:

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AWWWWW OHMYGID I LITERALLY LOVE HEARING THAT😍😍😍😍😍

SEEEEGAAAAAAA🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️ THE THEME IS TOO CUTE OHMYFG 😭😭 WE LOVE

OH EM GEEEE THANK YOUUUUU 💓💞

UR THEME INSPIRED ME

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this post never fails to make me laugh especially with the amount of yall that had no clue and i forced this trump epiphany onto you LMAOAOAOAOOAOA AND ITS STILL GETTING LIKES TILL THIS DAY

me explaining how donald trump is not only canon in the marvel universe but is also a main villain in comics:

no because not a lot of people know this and seeing how many people are finding the gwen trump and astv trump mughot photos crazy as hell, i want to be the first to tell you and introduce you to donald trump from earth 65 aka spider gwen dimension

you cannot make this up like this shit is straight up diabolical and the gwen comics only get more outta pocket than they alr are

and lemme show you bros description

yes ya eyes is not deceiving you that is in fact a real plot where captain america of earth 65 aka samantha wilson STOPPED DONALD TRUMP FROM ENSLAVING PEOPLE TO BUILD THE BORDER

imagine americas symbol having to pull up on a big ole trump head three sizes too big for comfort and he got the case of the yapps like this man don’t shut up no matter where he at and then got his wig handed go him

literally why does nobody talk about this like gwen’s comics single handedly has the most ludicrous things i have EVER seen so if somebody modakifys the trump mugshot i will give you like the ten nickels in my hand bag

he deserved to be an anomaly 🙄🙄