projectbacktomedium

[projectbacktomedium]

Been working really hard this month, just haven’t been updating. Trying to get my quarantine weight off before my wedding in a few weeks. I had just hit 159 before everything shut down in March. Over the first few months I managed to maintain decently, only a few pounds gained from just sitting around and eating and drinking all day. I need to be busy to lose weight unfortunately, so I resigned myself to not losing weight while I was stuck at home. Somehow in the last month (June) I put on four more pounds, bringing myself back up to about 168. It was hard knowing how much time and effort I had put into losing it the first time and just made me have a really bad self image. I’ve been down at 161 the last few days so I’m happy to have gotten down to about where I was previously. Hoping to be under 160 in the next few weeks for the wedding, and then give myself a little bit of room to just enjoy and celebrate a bit.

[projectbacktomedium]

Back at it again! Went through some rough work stuff for a month or so, which overlapped with holidays. Now I’m getting my routine back. I have my very chill wedding coming up in five months, and our honeymoon after that so I am fully committed to getting myself where I need to be in order to feel confident and comfortable in tank tops, crop tops, and bikinis. I’ve been peddling for at least an hour a day for cardio, probably going to start adding in some intervals to that. Starting some Whitney Simmons workouts from insta to get my booty and arms looking good. And I’m back at my intermittent fasting. Also this will be my last week of drinking alcohol casually. From here until the wedding I’m limiting myself to one day a week, and trying to make low sugar drinks.

[projectbacktomedium]

Slow and steady

So after taking some time off for my birthday, I was happy to see I had maintained where I was. My goal was to be about four pounds under but whatever, things happen. I have started working at it again, but not pushing myself crazy hard like I was just before my birthday. It’s nice to see the scale go down a bit every time I step on it, without hard expectations and tears when it wasn’t lower. Hoping to get back to my steady 5 lbs a month again. That would put me in range of something I’d actually be happy about by the end of the year. I don’t think there’s anything in my closet I don’t fit into anymore, however I am getting close to some of them being too big for me. Hopefully I will be one more pant size down by the end of the year, but that will mean buying all new pants again.

[projectbacktomedium]

You Can’t Afford to be Exercise Bored

It happens to the most committed of us babes.

You may try to start a new workout routine with renewed motivation, always going to the gym six days a week and weirdly enough not hating it. You’re posting gym selfies again, and all your hard work is paying off. You’re sleeping better, jeans fitting better (mm, bring dat booty over here…), and you’re noticing changes (GREAT changes) in your body. But that boredom always eventually hits, like that urge to check up on your awful… awful… ex.

If you’ve been exercising awhile, I’m sure you can relate. One day, all of the sudden, at the gym door there’s a brick wall blocking your way. Your motivation drops off the face of the earth, the mere thought of having to do one more workout makes you bored enough to check up on your Grandmas quilting class’ schedule. This starts to backfire, you start making some bullshit excuses for why it’s totally okay to skip your workout.

And before you know it, your 45, you’ve isolated yourself, everyone at the local pizza delivery joint knows you by your first name and you die.

It’s expected you’ll experience a burnout every now and again; it is possible to stick with your workout plan in the long term without being bored to death. So the next time your exercise motivation is escaping, there are ways to seduce it for good.

Are you the type who goes to the gym and trudges through the same 30 minute treadmill session every single day? (Tried and convicted), it may be your safe space, but be brave! Mix it up! Added variety to your workout can make you more likely to stick to your workout. Monotonous workout routine lead to boredom (I don’t think you needed me to tell you that), and doing the same thing over and over can lead to the dreaded fitness plateau, (gasp). When you repeatedly do the same motion over and over your muscles quickly adapt, causing your progress to come to a screeching halt. Cardio-only gal? Try adding some strength training or power yoga into your routine. Scary I know but like I said, be brave! New stimulating movements will “shock” your muscles, leading to faster results.

Shake things up by adding high-intensity intervals into your usual cardio workout. (Cardio is my safe space). High-intensity interval training, or HIIT, is a training technique that involves alternating intense periods of “all out” effort followed by brief recovery periods.

Sign up for a group exercise class! (This has a bonus effect if you’re a lonely old cave witch such as myself!) Whether its barre, yoga, boot camp or kickboxing (call me!), group classes are a great way to add some variety and fun to your workout routine! You’re less likely to slack off when you’re surrounded by other people.

Believe it or not, workouts don’t have to be a chore. The key to workout consistency is finding an activity that you truly enjoy, whether that’s Zumba, kickboxing (again, just lemme know), yoga, Tai Chi, hula hooping, jump roping – the sky’s the sweaty limit! As long as you are giving your best effort, it’s doing its job. Even if you are just dancing in your apartment to your favorite tunes is better than nothing! (Nobody puts baby in the corner!)

[projectbacktomedium]

Anxiety and Weightloss

First of all, I’m going to apologize for how fucking long this is, just needed to vent. I have definitely been slacking pretty significantly the last few weeks. I was definitely very disappointed with how September went, I worked out the most consistently I have in a long time, and it did nothing for my results. My birthday is coming up and I will definitely not be hitting my goal. However, this has a lot to do with my major anxiety issue.

This month I am taking the first steps of getting my classes scheduled for next semester so I can finish my stupid degree finally. And just the knowledge that I was going to have to do that at all within the month has made me significantly more anxious every day. I paid off the remainder of what I owed from the last semester I took, and have an appointment with an advisor tomorrow so hopefully that will alleviate some of it and I can enjoy my birthday after that.

What I wasn’t expecting was how much the anxiety made me start changing my healthy habits. My fasting days got harder because one thing that temporarily relieves anxiety is the chemical reaction of eating food. This is much harder to ignore than my usual hunger pangs so it made me give up on a few fasting days. I didn’t truly gain weight but I was just kind of coasting. But I also haven’t been to the gym this month. Being around people more than I have to in my day to day also isn’t something I want to be doing when really anxious. And unfortunately my anxiety has never really been that helped by working out.

I know a lot of people try to tell anxious or depressed people to eat better and go to the gym to fix it, and it may even work for some people, but this is definitely not going to help everyone. When I am anxious and go to the gym, I get super wound up if anyone gets on a machine next to me. It doesn’t matter what they do, I will feel like they’re judging my speed or my time or the difficulty of my workout. The workout itself does fix my physical symptoms of my heart rate and breathing, but only for the duration of the workout. I go home get in the shower and get the same feelings all over again. Additionally I have just been getting bored of my workouts.

So last week I dug out this mini peddle exercise thing. I’ve been doing an hour on it a few times a week. It’s definitely not as intense as my normal full body workout, but I get to be comfortable in my home and burn calories while watching tv. I am sure I will get back to the gym, but I don’t want to force myself to do something that gives me more anxiety during a high anxiety time.

I semi successfully did a fast day Saturday and Monday but I did snack a bit more than usual. My weight is back down to the lowest it’s been so I consider myself to be back on track at this point. I am not going to be too hard on myself for not being the best the last few weeks, I am getting things done, even if it’s not weight loss. I would love to hear if anyone else has similar issues with their mental health during weight loss? Would love to hear from people about how they cope.

[projectbacktomedium]

On the left me at last Christmas, at my heaviest, really not wanting to be in any pictures, and when I saw this posted, started crying. On the right, me from this weekend, wearing short shorts and a bodysuit (not pictured) feeling cute and sending drunk selfies to my friends. This is what the 40lb weightloss looks like in my face.

[projectbacktomedium]

How much I’ve lost in terms of non weight but kinda weight things.

40 lbs

I have lost enough weight for it to be noticeable 5x over (8 lbs)

I have lost enough weight to be found more attractive 2x over (18 lbs)

I have lost two pant sizes, size 14 and size 12 (20 lbs each)

I have lost either of my cats full weight 3x over (12 lbs)

I have lost my double chin, back to just one chin now.

I have been trying to lose weight now for 8 months. Which is a long ass time to stare at myself in the mirror wishing for change, pinching my belly fat, looking at the fat in my face, thinking about EXACTLY what I ate for a meal, in a day, over a weekend. And I am only halfway through. It’s getting easier now, mostly because it’s easier to be positive. Before I felt like I was punishing myself for having gained so much weight. Now I am just getting happier and happier with how I look. I’m not punishing myself anymore.

[projectbacktomedium]

[projectbacktomedium]

The reality of Instagram Modeling

[projectbacktomedium]

Food is not the answer, but food is also not the problem

Just a reminder from me to me

And to you, if you need it

[projectbacktomedium]

September 30th-

Getting there

Finally got under 170 on the scale. While that is exciting, I had really wanted to be a few pounds under where I am by the end of the month. My goal was to lose 10 lbs by my birthday in mid October so I could be at 165. Right now I’m probably just at 170 so there’s really no chance of me being able to get to 165, I will probably get close, like 168. Wish I didn’t feel so disappointed by that.

I started working out this month, hoping to get my weighloss amped up a little. I have very steadily been losing 5 lbs a month, so I thought adding in consistent cardio would help me lose closer to 7 lbs this month. So I am overall a little disappointed that this hasn’t seemed to help my weightloss at all. I know that I am in better shape because of it, but I’m not seeing the difference on the scale which is frustrating.

I have been getting a lot of compliments about how good I look, and clothes have been fitting a lot better. A pair of jean shorts I bought in July that I could not get up my thighs, I was able to fully get on and button up, to find that the fit wasn’t good at all. Huge gap in the back part of the waist. But still satisfying to get them on.

One “problem” I am going through right now, is that I am feeling good about myself and i want to be able to show it off, but I had avoided form fitted clothes for so long, I don’t have anything to show off in. I am still not quite to the place where I can wear my form fitted clothes from before I gained weight. But I don’t want to buy clothes I won’t be able to wear in a few months. I am definitely going to have quite a few clothes to try to sell or donate that I bought this year, and don’t really want to waste more money on clothes for just a few months. I did buy a new, expensive dress for my birthday, that I will probably wear three times max, but I just wanted something nice and new to wear that I would feel confident in. Trying to just buy shoes and accessories right now because I know they will still fit in a few months.

Realizing I’m going to have to buy all new bras and underwear is making my wallet hurt preemptively.

[projectbacktomedium]

Officially down a pant size!!

That makes two pant sizes so far, and since sizes get closer together as you go down, I expect the next will take much less time. Started at about a 14 in February. Now in a 10. Trying to decide how many pants to buy since I’m hoping the next 10 lbs will be off in a month or two. That’s one thing I didn’t really think about, the amount of money I have to spend on new clothes!

[projectbacktomedium]

I was getting incredibly frustrated this week because I had made such good progress last week, then my weight went back up to 175 where I’ve been for a bit. I’ve been doing my weight loss journey through just diet for the last six months and just started adding in workouts about four times a week to get a boost. A friend of mine started talking to me about how when you first start working out, your muscles will retain water. I wanted to post this article for anyone else who might be wanting to start their journey or going through the same thing. Making sure you’re not being too hard on yourself is key.

[projectbacktomedium]

September 5th

This week is the week I finally start working out seriously. I’m trying to lose 10 lbs before my birthday in mid October. So I’m trying to get as close to 165 as I can. I went to the gym yesterday before work, and went to a hot yoga class this morning before work. I can’t remember the last time I worked out twice in one week but I’m feeling good. Hit a new low on the scale today 173, so I’m officially 17 lbs down since June, and around 30 down since February. I’ve lost about 5 lbs a month since starting, but I really want to kick it up a notch before my birthday. I’m already doing pretty good since September started so I’m excited to really see some more progress.

[projectbacktomedium]

Progress

When I first got my scale in the beginning of June, my weight was 190. Today I finally got under 180, and that was very exciting for me! Especially since I didn’t feel like I’d been eating very well this week. Thank god for IF! About to break my fast, and I’m excited to keep seeing progress next week.

[projectbacktomedium]

Taking a few days off post engagement photos to just eat and drink the things that I have been avoiding (mostly wine and mac and cheese). But I am going through my clothes to figure out what I can get rid of so I can reorganize, but also I’m out of hangers. It’s weird to see all these clothes that I haven’t been able to wear in a few years, and assuming I should get rid of them because they don’t fit. Then realizing that I have to try them on because they may fit now. So it’s taking way longer than I would have thought. But I have so many more outfit options now.

[projectbacktomedium]

April to June

Today is the day that we take our engagement photos! I’m excited to have them over with and to celebrate with some actual wine and beer, before getting back on it. Happy about my progress at this point. Although I’d definitely have rather never taken these photos, at least I’m feeling better than I was earlier this year.

Mostly, never underestimate the confidence that comes with a good tan.