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[queensane]

Such a waste of ---

Such a waste of —

Now, this is my chance. My chance to finally tell the world what you meant to me. You were a mere stranger to me. Someone I accidentally met online. Someone who I thought was looking for something else. Someone who I thought will only last for a short period of time. And then we started talking. And we just kept on talking like as if we were already that close. You were so cool. You were so sweet…

[queensane]

july ten twenty seventeen

july ten twenty seventeen

It’s one of those days,   When you’re feeling like everything seems so wrong Even the people around you When you’re feeling like you don’t want to move Even just listening to a conversation   I woke up Already feeling that today’s going to be a tiring day I did all what I planned to do And still I feel like I haven’t done enough   Talking to him was the cherry on top of my day He balanced…

[queensane]

Minsan, Kunwari

‘Di ko labis maintindihan kung bakit nga ba ako nandito sa posisyon na ‘to. Sa posisyon kung saan lahat na lang ay napapansin ko. Para kasing nakakasama sa aking kalusugan na napapansin ko ang lahat, lalo na kung ito ay negatibo at hindi maganda. Ngunit, minsa naman at naiisip ko na ito ay isang magandang pahiwatig na ako’y hindi bulag sa mga nangyayari. Kaso di ko naman ang alam ang dapat kong…

[queensane]

It’s been a long time since I made a movie review in this blog because I somehow find it hard to process my thoughts for a movie, but this film is different because it got to me. It’s so brilliant I would definitely recommend it to others.

Note: There may be spoilers in my review.

Letterboxd rating: 5/5

There’s a lot of strong points in this movie, and I would like to appreciate it one by one:

First, the colors in this movie is breathtaking. Everything is so balanced and modern. It’s appropriate enough for every part of the story, the characters, and of course the setting of the film. The colors used in this film helped a lot in developing the feels as you keep on watching the film.

Second, the incredible shots that are really satisfying.

Third, and really the one thing that made me hooked until the end even though the film is two and a half hours long is the unique use of a 1:1 screen all throughout the movie. But here’s the catch, every time there’s a feeling of happiness, the screen stretches out.

So here’s what I interpreted with that unique technique and how it made an effect on the storytelling. Every single one of the characters is enclosed and stuck in that small space which is their lives. They’re being held in with their problems, their fucked up emotions, and their struggles. You can see that everything that is happening in that 1:1 screen is what they’re going through–the reality. The reality is that everything is a problem. Nothing can be solved that easily.

And then, we look at some scenes where in the screen is stretched out. Here, everything is whimsical. It’s as if nothing bad happened between them. There was even a dream sequence in that stretched out screen. Which means that when you’re outside the box, there are more impossibilities and possibilities. There are things that you can’t reach–things that are too good to be true.

Yes, like being free just like what Steve here is experiencing.

There are other things that made this a great film. Acting is brilliant. I wasn’t able to see any resistance from the actors. They have adapted their characters perfectly. This film also has a really interesting story line. Kind of similar with We Need To Talk About Kevin (2011), but there really is a huge difference between the two. In here, there’s a huge bond between mother and son. Violence is involved but Steve here is more kind than Kevin. I really felt how Diane wants what’s best for Kevin even though he’s been bad.

The only confusing part for me is the role of Kyla. I know she taught Steve, she kind of helped made Diane her decision to take Steve to the hospital, and that she has a husband and a daughter. But I kind of feel like she really made an impact on Steve because she reminds him of his father, stated in the first half of the movie when she attacked Steve. It’s just my theory.

All in all, what a really great movie. Applause!

Movie Review: Mommy (2014) It's been a long time since I made a movie review in this blog because I somehow find it hard to process my thoughts for a movie, but this film is different because it got to me.

[queensane]

This is my first time posting photos of me (although, edited hehe). And medyo gusto ko na din maging blog for rants and other shit ko ‘to. Kaya nag-tagalog na ako bigla. Pero I’m still going to continue posting paragraphs and poetry na formal because sometimes I’m just really in the mood for writing those kind of stuff.

Yesterday was my birthday and I don’t want to get in to the deep shithole I felt but I’m going straight to what are my goals for my nineteenth year. I just really want to improve myself more. Dancing, academics, jowa. Charot. I need to lose some fucking weight, get rid of the fat, and be fit as fuck. I want to compete this year, araneta stage, please. Higher grades, of course! Start my practicum na din! More knowlegde about the field I’ll be specializing–Urban Forestry. Jusko naman quotang-quota ka na nung eighteen ka, bawas-bawasan ang kalandian.

This is my last teen year so I don’t want to make it dramatic. I want more adventures. I want more new people. I want new relationships. I want serious relationships. I’m near adulthood and I can’t even see myself as being a stable person during this time of year. Hopefully, next year I can somehow see a spark of light in that aspect.

Ay, 19 na pala ako?

[queensane]

EIGHTEENTH

I am convinced that my eighteenth year was full of things I would like to keep. The memories, the achievements, and the people in it. Everything is worth remembering. Even those moments that broke me apart. It’s worth it because I somehow gained something from it. All those new learnings in life, new perspectives, and new things to believe in. So here’s a list of things I learned from my…

[queensane]

Needed a new environment to be able to learn to appreciate

Needed a new environment to be able to learn to appreciate

I started this semester with a lot in my head. I was running after a boy who didn’t like me back, I was thinking if I will continue my dancing, and I was depressed. Add it up with the fact that all of my subjects consists of majors except for one. It was too stressing for me, I guess I got overwhelmed. There was so much to think about that in the end I needed to sacrifice one. It was dancing. I…

[queensane]

Akala ko ba bakasyon na ako?

Nag-rant lang talaga ako dahil naiinis ako ngayon.

‘Di ko lubos maintindihan kung bakit naiinis ako ngayon. Pero eto ang sigurado ako. ‘Di ako naiinis dahil nalaman kong finalist pala ako sa isang major subject ko dahil medyo naramdaman ko na yun pagkatapos palang nung pangatlong pagsusulit namin. ‘Di ko rin alam kung sapat bang rason na mainis ako dahil parang walang may pake sa pagiging finalist ko sa subject na ito. Dahil pagkatapos kong…

[queensane]

Bawat Gabi

Ito ay yung mga gabi na wala na tayong pakielam sa sasabihin ng iba.

May mga piling gabi kung saan tayo ay nagtatagpo sa dilim—planado man o biglang napag desisyunan. Kung iisipin ng iba ito ay mga gabi kung saan tayo’y naghahanap ng makakasama, mga gabi na tayo ay magisa, mga gabi na ang hanap natin ay isa’t isa. Pero sila’y nagkakamali dahil itong mga gabi, kung saan ika’y aking katabi, ay mga gabi na hanap ay ang katawan ng isa’t isa. Ito ay yung mga gabi na…

[queensane]

Nananatili, sa bibig ko…

Eto nanaman ako Pinagiisipan Kung ikaw nga ba ay susulatan Di naman kasi yun ang aking pinangako   Di parin ba ako susuko? Tanong sa sarili ng paulitulit Sa mga panahong hindi ko masulit Ang pagusapan ang aking puso   Ikaw, ano sa tingin mo? Ang makakapagintindi Netong pasakit na nananatili? Nananatili, sa bibig ko…

[queensane]

Ang Naiwan Ay Wala

Ang Naiwan Ay Wala

Naranasan mo na ba Na ika’y mapagiwanan Hindi dahil siya ay lumayo Ngunit dahil hindi ka na makasabay   Hindi ka makasabay sa daloy ng usapan Hindi ka makasabay sa yapak ng mga paa Tipong nakikitawa ka na lang Dahil hindi mo alam ang pinaguusapan nila   Tanging tanong nila ay “Malungkot ka ba?” Pero ang maisasagot ko na lang ay “Di ko na din alam”   Dahil ang totoo ay pagod lang ako At wala na…

[queensane]

When you're sick and sick of this set up

But today I just lied down on my bed. And slept. And thought of you.

Today I wasn’t feeling too well. My body was weak. I felt cold. My mind was aching. I couldn’t help myself to get up and play with my dog. I wasn’t hungry enough to eat too much. I wanted to vomit everything I ate. All I could think of was how unlucky I was to be feeling this way during a mini-vacation. But today I just lied down on my bed. And slept. And slept. And thought of you. While I was…

[queensane]

18 and a half years.

18 and a half years. I have already lived eighteen and almost a half years in this world and I still don’t know where do I really belong. I’m still confused on what do I really want. Am I in a rush? Am I wanting things to happen so quickly? Am I wanting more than I what I already have? I don’t know. What I know is that I can’t stay on one thing. I need new things as much as possible. I need more…

[queensane]

April 14, 2017: It took me a long time to realize this

April 14, 2017: It took me a long time to realize this

My parents raised me in such a traditional way. By this, I mean they wanted me to do things based on the social norms, the typical gender roles and such things. They would buy me Barbie and Hello Kitty branded stuff. They dressed me up as girly as I can be from skirts to boots. Besides all those gender roles they gave me, they also raised me in such a way that we would follow what everyone was…

[queensane]

Too Much is Too Much

Too Much is Too Much

Remember how you would always appreciate the love you receive from your friends and family? The way they acknowledge your presence? The way they always remember to care for you? The way they always make you sure that you know that they love you? Remember how that made you feel? It made you feel as if you’re the best person in the world. It made you feel as if nothing’s wrong with you. It made you…

[queensane]

Help?

Here I am and I don’t know what to do anymore because of all the feelings I am trying to hide inside. It’s as if everything that is wrong with me and my life is piling up one by one and I was not aware of it and now here I am, trying to fix it when it’s already a mess. So here I am, asking for your help. Please understand whenever I am not enthusiastic enough to do anything. It may be because I…

[queensane]

Real Talk

I don’t if it’s healthy or not but maybe sometimes all you need is someone who puts everything not on a silver plate but on a really messy plate and serve it right in front of you with no any decorations of some sort, just that plain main course. Someone who tells you the bad shit about you. Someone who tells you what the fuck is wrong with you. Someone who talks real to you. Maybe it’s just me…