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rainix13 · 6 days ago

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Right where you left me | N.R.

Summary: Months after Natasha disappeared after the civil war and left you behind to go undercover, you finally found her, in fragile hope of rebuilding what was lost.

Pairing: Natasha romanoff x reader

Content warning: post break up, hurt, comfort, second chances, fluff (and a good ending because it would be too painful for me otherwise)

a.n. : had this song playing in my mind the whole time I wrote this.

It had been four months since the Sokovian Accords tore the Avengers apart. Four months since the world split in two, and so did your heart. The ones who stood by Steve were now fugitives, scattered and hunted like ghosts. Among them was Natasha.

After helping Cap and Bucky escape, Natasha turned her back on Tony’s side and vanished. Just like that—no goodbyes, no promises. She left everything behind, including you.

You had stood for the Accords. You believed in accountability, in protecting civilians better than the Avengers ever had before. It created a quiet tension between you and Natasha, but love had always been stronger until it wasn’t.

You’d been together for over a year. She was your anchor, your constant, the one person who saw every part of you and never flinched. You were each other’s shelter in the chaos. There were hard days, sure, but never once did you think she’d leave without a word.

And yet, she did.

She disappeared into the shadows, leaving you behind with nothing but silence and a thousand unanswered questions. No day went by without thinking about her. Natasha haunted your thoughts like a ghost. The not knowing was the worst part. Where is she? Is she okay? You tried to move on. Really, you did. But how do you move on from losing the Woman you loved? And your team? They were your home, your family and your purpose. And now you are trying to survive alone.

You wanted to find Natasha, needing closure. Or was it closure? Maybe you wanted to hear her voice or see her face again. Finding her wasn’t easy. Tracking down the most skilled spy in the world never would be. But you had your own talents, and eventually—after weeks of careful digging, quiet inquiries, and late-night intel—you found something. A whisper of a lead that brought you to a trailer tucked away in the remote stillness of Norway. It’s late evening and you are standing in front of it, pondering if you should do the next step or just return and pretend you were never there. You take a deep breath, the cold winter air hitting your lungs and before thinking twice you knock on the door.

Natashas senses sharpen as a soft knock on the door interrupts her while she is sitting at her laptop and watching a movie. She grabs her nearby gun and moves quietly towards her door.

“Nat, Its me.”

You speak through the door after getting no answer. A pause - then you heard a soft click and the door creaked open, just enough to see her face, partially obscured by the shadow inside. Her red hair falls messily over her shoulders. Your heart aches even more standing right in front of her.

“You shouldn’t be here.”

she said, her voice soft but laced with conflict—like she’d rehearsed saying that and still didn’t believe it.

You replied in a shaky voice:

“I know… but I had to see you. I couldn’t just pretend like you just disappeared.”

Her fingers tightened around the doorframe and her jaw clenched.

“Come in. You are freezing.”

She stepped back, and you entered her trailer with a slight hesitation. The warmth inside felt unfamiliar. You crossed your arms, unsure of what to say, while she leaned against the kitchen table. A heavy silence settled between you, until she finally spoke in a voice barely above a whisper:

“I didn’t want to leave you like that.”

But you did,” you said, the hurt breaking through your voice before you could stop it. “You walked away without a word. You left me without an explanation.”

“I know,” she breathed, eyes closing briefly as if the weight of your pain added to the burden she already carried. “I thought I was doing the right thing—staying off the grid, cutting all ties. I thought I was protecting you.”

You laughed under your breath, bitter and broken. “From what? The world? Or from yourself?”

She looked at you then, really looked—guilt swimming in her eyes, but something else too. Something softer.

“I don’t know anymore,” she admitted. “I just… I was scared. Not of the law, not of running. I was scared of what it meant to stay. To ask you to choose between what you believed in and me.”

Tears pricked at the corners of your eyes, and you look away. “I would’ve chosen you. Every time. If you had asked me to run away with you, I would’ve done it.”

Natasha breath hitched, her grip loosening on the edge of the table, like she was finally releasing some of the weight. She took a small step closer to you. She wanted to reach out, her fingers twitching to touch you. but she held the urge back.

“I never stopped thinking about you. Every single day. I thought about calling you, coming back… but I kept lying here, wondering if you hated me. And if you were okay without me.”

You stepped closer as well, and you can’t stop the tears streaming down your face.

“I don’t hate you for leaving me. But I wasn’t okay. I felt…abandoned.“

It made Natashas heart ache and she wanted to punch herself for leaving you with so much pain. The silence that followed felt heavier than before. Natasha reached out, and cupped your face gently with her hand. Her touch was warm and gentle, despite the cold expression she usually wore. Your eyes lock with each other.

“I didn’t want to hurt you. I never wanted to. I know I cant make it up, but I am so sorry.” She whispered.

And then, just like a muscle memory you moved closer and felt her pulling you into a hug. your arms wrapped around her shoulder tightly, scared she would disappear anytime again. But she was right here in front of you. Tears roll down your cheek, and she just held you, like all those times before when you needed comfort. She murmured softly in your ear:

“Don’t go, okay? We will figure this out together. If you want that.”

You nod your head, knowing you didn’t want to be apart of her again, but the uncertainty and fear of the future lingered in your mind. You wiped a tear away and looked in her eyes again.

“I want that more than anything. But…If I stay, promise you won’t leave me?”

Natasha answered without hesitation and the look in her eyes, full of truth and regret gave you some reassurance.

“I promise, I will stay. I won’t to the same mistake ever again.”

So you stayed. In that quiet little trailer somewhere in Norway. Both of you had things to figure out and the road ahead would be hard. Living on the run, hiding from the world. But you have Natasha back, and thats what mattered.

Later that evening, after hours of conversations about the past few months, you lay beside Natasha in her bed. The previous tension that once hung so heavy between you two had eased. Her arm was draped around your shoulder and you rested your head on her chest, listening to her steady heartbeat. You looked up and just stared at her, memorizing every feature of her. The way her lashes brushed her cheek, her bright green eyes in the dimmed light. She noticed your gaze.

“What?” She asked with a slight chuckle.

You shrugged and pointed out casually:

“Your hair is longer. And wavier. I like it though.”

“Yeah? You like that messy and natural look?”

The corner of Nat’s lips curled into a small teasing smile.

You huff out a quiet chuckle.

“Yeah. It’s giving the whole ‘spy on the run look.’”

She chuckled, a small blush appearing on her cheeks. There was a comfortable silence between you two, the kind that only came when you truly felt at home with someone. Natasha whispered softly:

“I missed you, really. I am glad you came to find me.”

“I missed you too.”

You murmur, a hint of vulnerability flickering in your eyes. You think about your old life, before everything went wrong. The avengers, the compound.

“I miss them.” You add.

Natasha let out a shaky exhale, her hand playing absentmindedly with your hair.

“Me too. All of it. all of them.”

“You think we can go back someday and fix everything?”

She sighed, her voice tinged with longing and hope. “I don’t know. A lot has happened, a lot has changed. Things may never be the same before.”

“But we will try? Right?”

Natasha nodded, and her gaze softened as she looks at you. She cupped your face in her hands, her touch tender and reassuring.

“Of course we will. Whatever it takes, we will try to fix it and go home.” Her voice filled with determination and affection.

You nodded your head, and you felt a bit of the hopelessness that built up the last few months loosening. “Okay.”

She brushed a hair strand behind your ear and reassured: “we will figure it out.” Before closing the gap to connect your lips in a tender kiss. You felt your heart skip. The familiar feeling of her touch ignited a spark of affection within you. You returned the kiss, and the tenderness in your touch spoke volumes, expressing the longing you felt in those few months of being apart. You broke the kiss and murmured softly:

“I love you, Nat.”

“I love you too, darling.”

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rainix13 · 8 days ago

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pov: natasha facetimes you from your hotel room telling you and wanda to come back from the beach n snuggle with her in bed <3

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rainix13 · 8 days ago

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"I'm rewatching the first Avengers movie for the plot"

the plot:

this is not good for my productivity or anything else btw

#natasha romanoff

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rainix13 · 9 days ago

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director scarlett johansson lewk sooo good

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rainix13 · 9 days ago

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seriously, does anyone have good fanfics with these two ending up together?

kind of ironic that I didn't even watch further than season 4 or sth before quitting but for addison i would watch more tbh

(in my defense, I got spoilered for pretty much everything that's happening at any point thanks to Instagram)

#good girl? #that’s gay your honor

#asking for a friend

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rainix13 · 9 days ago

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she’s literally a princess

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rainix13 · 16 days ago

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Don't Forget

Doubt by Twentyone Pilots

masterlist

Natasha Romanoff x Reader

words: 4,2k

description: after Y/N gets rescued from Hydra she's not really herself but Natasha's determined to bring her back -

Genre: idk you tell me?? ._. hurt/comfort ig??

Warnings: legal age difference (Nat= 32, R = 22) split personality?, not proofread

I'm not overly happy with everything but overall it's okay i guess (also It's 3am idk what I'm saying anymore, any corrections probably in the next few days)

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You didn't know what was happening but you were sure something was.

There was a shift in the air. A tension lingering between the people around you. Something was off.

A red pop up on a monitor you could barely see blinking constantly but you couldn't read what it said.

You tried to hear the guards whisper but they were too far away. But even their usual composed, ice cold appearance seemed to crack a little. At least the three that seemed to be in their mind.

The fourth was a mystery to you. He barely moved all day, you never saw him even blink just once.

If such a thing was possible he didn't even hold any body language.

Scientists were packing a ton of stuff up.

Vials, some empty, some still filled.

Two of three monitors.

Tools, syringes, notes, official paperwork.

The door opened for a short moment. The blaring of people shouting, shots being fired, more people running around, a faint explosion filled the whole room for the mere two seconds, then it fell shut again.

Two more agents entered the room shouting some things you couldn't understand but next thing the whole scientist team got escorted through the backdoor.

Ok, so at least your instincts still work. Still you felt off. As if you were there but more as a watcher than on actual control of yourself. That feeling was new. It only came up a few minutes ago but you couldn't shake it. Something definitely was fundamentally off. Maybe-

You didn't get to finish that thought when suddenly the door got broken down. Three people stormed in, followed by a whole bunch of agents.

This time the door wasn't closed again and the blaring of a battle filled the room, accompanied with the smell of smoke and a cloud of dust.

Your eye caught a wave of red and your heart jumped. You didn't exactly know why. But it felt familiar. It felt right. You felt slipping deeper in the part of your mind that was only able to watch. Observe something but not work through it. The presence that formed normality for your time being here kept you from understanding.

One of the agents tore the straps open, which until now, you didn't even realize held you in place. Why were you strapped in a chair again?

It oddly looked like one of those dentist chairs...

"Don't just stand there, do something bitch!" He spoke with a hard accent.

Do something...? What exactly should you...do? Why would you fight these people? Who even are they? Being trapped between what seemed to be two independent minds you didn't know how to function.

And for a while you just stood there, in the middle of the room. Everything still felt like a movie, chaos all around you, agents coughing, some dying slower than others, new agents rushing in. And in the middle of it all? You.

That was until someone pulled on your arm, in the direction of the back door the scientist fled through.

Without realizing how you freed yourself, fighting the agent off.

"Let go of me", you hiss. "Y/N!!" the voice felt familiar but you couldn't put a face to it. Nonetheless it switched something inside you. You pushed the guy and he stayed still on the ground.

Another hand grabbed your arm and on instinct - even tho not sure from which side of your mind - you fought them off but this time it was harder.

You got countered more often, hits were harder to land. You kept fighting them, trying to escape their grip until suddenly everything went black.

Back at the compound Nick Fury was waiting for everyone to bring the youngest avenger back. And he wouldn't admit it openly but when they rolled out a stretcher some tension fell off him. It meant that at least you were alive.

"What happened?", he asked, not a single trace of emotions in his voice.

When Natasha didn't answer right away Steve did.

"We're not sure. She didn't seem quite like herself."

The Shield director raised an eyebrow "and that means?"

"It means she fought me when we tried to get her out. We had to hit her unconscious", Natasha snapped.

"But she fought them too. She's still there." Steve tried to soothe her but only received a more desperate than annoyed.

To add to Steve's resignation Fury chimed in "She's been there three weeks and we have no idea who of us she's gonna try and kill and who not."

"What are you trying to say?" Clint asked defensively.

"None of you will visit her until we're sure she's back." Without any further explanation he gave a sign to the two medics that stood at the stretcher to follow him with you.

For the Avengers? No other choice but to watch after you. They just stood there in silence, no one quite sure what to do with themselves.

The past three weeks were relentless work, trying to trace every detail that might give away your position. Now you were found. And they weren't even allowed near you anymore.

Tony stepped out of his suit and carefully put an arm around Nat's shoulder, pulling her into a side-hug.

With you and Natasha some tension always was in the air. Flirty but neither of you acted on it for a long time. You weren't dating for long but it made you happy. You, just living in your perfect little world, until it got ripped apart when they caught you.

Tony was the one who got you to join the team. Convinced you, welcomed you, comforted you when things got hard. He became a safe constant and over the course of four years he became a father figure to you.

With a deep sigh, again Steve broke the silence "When even Tony doesn't have some sarcastic remark or a joke to ease the tension..."

No trace of humor in his voice, not a glint of joy, just stating a fact.

Maria Hill stepped outside, clearly not happy, after what was probably a disagreement with her boss.

"There's nothing I can do for you. Go get some sleep, you all need it."

Short and to the point. Like everything that's been said.

Nonetheless she was right. Nobody has slept much, especially not Tony and Natasha so now that everything seemed to be done this was the only logical consequence and with that everyone slowly made their way to their room.

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The next few days went in a blur for Natasha. She tried to stick to her old routine. Getting up, going on a run, breakfast, training, lunch. That's how far her routine went. After that she just didn't know what to do. Wherever she went something reminded her of you. She tried to convince Fury to change his mind about seeing you.

What she hated most was how everyone looked at her. How everyone seemed to see through her. As if her walls were made out of glass. As if they could see how worked up she was even though she made a point in acting normal. In giving the training courses she usually does, being as harsh and demanding as she always is. In the way she walked through the hallways, cold, calculated. Purposely avoiding the wing she wasn't allowed in right now.

Still they looked. As if they could see everything.

As if they could see how she still barely could sleep, how she couldn't look at anything without thinking of you, how every time she passes Fury in the hallway a passive anger boils up.

As if they could see how much she cares. How much she misses you.

As if they could see how scared she was to lose you forever.

The private area for just the avengers wasn't any more comfortable. Everyone tried to have normal days. Doing the things they usually do. But still everyone noticed the tension that didn't seem to fade.

The unknowing of how you are, the awareness of your missing laughter and your own sarcastic remarks. Everyone notices Natasha's bad mood and how she's being more reserved around them. Even Steve misses Tony's biting and teasing comments and while he throws one every once in a while, it just doesn't feel the same without someone who counters him just as sharply.

Right now Natasha was laying awake once again. Another evening. She excused herself from watching some movie and went to bed, so now she was staring at her ceiling. It was only 9 pm.

But laying there and having her thoughts running in circles wasn't an option tonight. With a sigh she put her sweatshirt over her sleep-shirt and made her way to the medical wing, avoiding the busy hallways.

The first thing she saw were mostly empty beds. The second was Dr. Cho.

"Where's Y/N?", Natasha asked. Her voice didn't hint at the emotional chaos in her head but it didn't need to. Dr. Cho was well aware of the flirting going on between you and even was rather surprised when she found out that the two of you weren't already dating for longer.

"Y/N is currently being held in cell 1.4 in this wing" Jarvis responded before the doctor could.

"Director's orders", was all she added clearly being uncomfortable with the situation.

"How is she?" Natasha's voice dropped to a dangerous level. She was furious and it brimmed just beneath the surface but she chose to prioritize you over Fury's bad decision making.

"She's doing ok so far. Vitals are stable but her mind isn't. Sometimes she speaks with us as herself but then suddenly she doesn't recognize us. We gave her some things that should help her gain stability and fight of who or whatever they implanted in her brain but it's going rough. Up until now she's the most stable when I or Agent Phil Coulson are around, he leaves only when he has to."

The redhead let out a humorless laugh.

"And did any of you think that maybe someone she's closer with might help her?"

Of course you were close with Phil. But she and her teammates were the people you spent every day with after all.

To her annoyance Dr. Cho shook her head.

"That's still out of question. Director's orders...again."

With a scoff Natasha left. Director's orders.

There was a point reached where she was done with her director's orders. Point reached.

And without another thought Natasha stood in front of the door that led to cells 1.3-1.6, guarded by two agents when the doors just opened and Coulson's stepped out.

"Natasha?"

"Phil."

"I guess it was only a matter of time until you show up here" the older agent sighed.

"I need to see her, Phil" It was a statement. Nothing more. No emotion, no arguments, just a statement.

"Why? You know the Director's orders."

God if she had to hear those words one more time she might go insane.

"I need to see her alive." Now this was beginning to sound like the negotiations of a kidnapping.

"She is alive, Natasha. You know that. Why do you think you can just walk in there if you have clear orders not to?" He wasn't backing down easily.

And the answer to that question laid on Natasha's tongue. It was simple. But she didn't want to say it out loud. But maybe she needed to sacrifice that at least towards Phil, if she wanted a real chance of convincing him to let her in.

"Go." The redhead orders the two agents watching the door. After a short nod of approval from Phil they did.

"Why?" Phil asked again now.

Natasha thought for a second before answering "They say she's unstable-" her voice broke off, eyes glued to the door.

And for a moment Phil got caught off guard. In all years of working with Natasha he'd only ever seen her facade crack a handful of times.

He sighed. "She's fighting, Natasha. Every minute. She's tired, barely sleeps but she's getting better. Slowly. Helen finished all possible tests and thinks we have now the right medication to help her as much as we can."

"I want to see her."

"Do you?", Phil finally met her eyes, "or do you want to know if she sees you? If she recognizes you?"

"Phil, please", Natasha pleaded. And at last he gave in. He stepped aside, opening the door. "Just be careful. You can see when she remembers you but the conversations don't last long. She's fighting."

With a nod Natasha walked past him and only stopped a second before the door could fall shut. "Thank you."

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Carefully Natasha walked up to the only occupied glass cell and there you sat. Back towards her, crouched down in a corner. Your hands were behind your head, legs pulled up to your chest and she could see you picking your nails to a point where almost all were bloody and damaged.

Natasha's chest tightened and she barely kept herself from gasping audibly. You looked so small, so lost. Every few seconds your whole body flinched, causing you to shift just so slightly.

"Y/N...", the redhead whispered. She didn't know what to expect, she didn't even know what else to say.

But the moment your name left her mouth you completely stilled as if you were waiting for something. Natasha took that as a sign to try again.

"Y/N?"

You breath caught in your throat and you raised your head, your eyes finally leaving the ground beneath your legs.

And after what felt like eternity your eyes finally met hers. Looking up at her, your greyish green met her clear emerald eyes. "N-natasha?"

"Heyy", the older woman still whispered and got knelt down to be at your level. Her hand pressed against the glass as if she could touch you through it. Anything to feel closer to you.

"How are you keeping up? You remember me? And the team?" Maybe it was selfish to ask that but she already knew how you were doing aside from that and she didn't want to remind you.

But that seemed to only partially succeed as you subconsciously shifted a bit to the side, bringing only very few more centimeters of space between you and the glass, you and Natasha.

"I-I'm afraid I can't tell you that" your voice was shaky, hands trembling just enough for Natasha to notice. "I'm just not sure", you added shamefully.

"It's okay, don't worry about that", Natasha tried to soothe you.

Quiet whispers come up in the back of your mind. 'natasha, natasha, you need to forget her, natasha'

Those thoughts come and go, the voices never stop forever but right now you tried to focus on her. Because for once she seemed to be actually there. Not just a voice that will belong to no one once you open your eyes. Now, she was there, in person. And maybe you could remember her. You need to. You have a feeling that she's important to remember.

"I remember some things. Names, memories come and go like guests. But only fragments, not enough to create the whole picture"

'you will forget her, natasha-'

"Anything I can do to help you?"

"No...when I saw you a few memories swept into my mind, all together with your name...I don't think you can do much more" You sigh, the voices in the back of your head growing stronger. You know you need to fight them. That's what Hydra anchored in your brain and you need it gone. But the louder the voices get, the more you feel your control slipping.

'Black Widow, need to kill'

The endless cycle of the last few days and even though you're starting to be in control of your mind and yourself longer and longer, you start to grow tired. You just want it to finally end. But they grow louder and louder and you already know that you'll crash eventually.

Natasha noticed the sudden change as well. Your hands started trembling again, your breath became shorter.

'Betrayal, Forget, The End, Natasha'

"I could come in. Let you take my hands or braid my hair. You do that sometimes. Maybe it would-", she starts, wanting to calm you down but you interrupted her

"Natasha, no!" Your voice was low, dangerous and your eyes suddenly held something darker. You tried to keep up with yourself, tried to shut down the voices but with every second it got harder to dominate over Hydra's part of your mind.

"I'm not afraid of you", the redhead tried again. She already got up, walking to the numpad that unlocked your cell.

"BUT I AM!" You cried out. The voices grew louder and all you could do was grasping on the very last bit of being there. Like an almost invisible string that kept you in touch.

'Forget Black Widow, Betrayal, Kill, End'

You jumped up backing away from her.

Voices overlapped, so loud you couldn't bear it.

Someone was talking to you, you couldn't even tell the difference if it was the real Natasha or just another voice.

'Forget, Betrayal, Kill, End'

Natasha watched you pacing, your breath was ragged, hands in your hair. Your whole body was shaking and it broke Natasha's heart.

"Y/N please, listen to me. I'm here", tears filled her eyes. It physically hurt her to see you like that. So torn apart.

Your head was pounding against the palm of your hands, heart racing. You didn't even know where you were anymore and only felt slipping. Slipping away into the darkness. Where you could only watch yourself, screaming at your body without getting a reaction.

"Y/N, please...",

"STOP IT" your hand clashes into the glass wall.

Your eyes met the person who said something. Red hair, green eyes.

'Don't just stand there, do something'

Something seemed familiar.

You need to kill her. She's not supposed to be here.

'Don't just stand there, do something'

No, you don't want to kill her.

"Y/N..."

'Don't just stand there, do something'

And then everything went black.

Natasha could only watch as your body hit the ground with a loud thud. You didn't move, just laid in the middle of the cell.

The conversations never last long. That's what Coulson told her. She should've been prepared.

She needs to get out.

With that she left, the image of you losing the battle in your mind, collapsing, laying on the ground. All of it was burned in her brain.

She left the room, tried to sleep, went on her morning run. All she could think about was you. Everything she saw was a replay of the night. The fear in your eyes just before you lost, your scratched fingers. Nothing would make it go away.

Her own fear of you losing against Hydra's work, fear of you forgetting about her, about yourself, the fear of losing you entirely gnawed at her relentlessly.

And all she could do was watch herself. Force herself to go through her day and come back at night. She needed to see you again. The real you. And she would do anything to achieve that.

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When she entered the room you were still asleep on the small bed in your cell.

As quiet as possible she unlocked the door and stepped inside, sitting down on the floor, right next to your head.

Groaning you opened your eyes. You don't even remember falling asleep after your last talk with Phil.

When you saw a familiar face next to you suddenly you were wide awake.

"Why are you in here??" Immediately you scooted to the other end of the bed, as far away from Natasha as possible.

The panic in your voice was unmistakable.

But this time Natasha didn't give in, this time she went after you, moving on your bed until she sat right in front of you.

"Hey, hey listen to me, okay? Just breathe, deep breaths", she took a deep breath in, clearly wanting you to follow her. And you did.

You repeated this a couple more times until you calmed down a bit. You gaze dropped down to see your hands in Natasha's and give it a gentle squeeze. An unspoken thanks.

"There she is. There's my favorite girl", Natasha says with a smile playing around here lips.

"I'm your favorite?" You asked, a careful smile playing around your lips as well. You knew the answer. Right now you did.

"Always been that way" she replied with a cheeky smile and you let out a small chuckle.

After a short pause the redhead added "I've missed you"

You didn't miss the vulnerability hidden behind those words. You didn't miss how she avoided your gaze for a second.

You just lean on her shoulder. "I've missed you too...but you can't be here Nat", you sighed.

"But I wanna be here. I'm not afraid of you"

"But I am, Nat." You argue softly, your eyes already filling up with tears.

Before she can interrupt you, you continue.

"You-you don't understand I-", Natasha squeezes your hands softly, encouraging you to continue.

"I- I'm scared of hurting you. When I'm not in control of...me the other part wants to kill you. I just don't know if I'll be able to hold back if I lose that control again."

Your tears start falling but you don't even care anymore.

"Every time I see my reflection in the glass I see what they did. I can practically see myself slipping away into that...space and I can't control it. And that scares me shitless. I'm laying here, staring at the ceiling and I don't know anything. I keep remembering more everyday but then at some point I spiral down in that fear and-and then I lose it again and that thing is back in control"

Now Natasha was actually speechless. She hates to see you so broken, so scared. So she just hugged you, choosing silence until you broke it once again.

"The uncertainty just kills me. The uncertainty of maybe I'll forget everything again. The uncertainty of when I might crash again or rather when it'll stop. Helen said it today should've been the last day but I just don't know. I'm afraid I'll forget you..."

Gently she reaches up to your face, tilting it so you have to look at her. "You won't forget me. You can doubt yourself all you want but I won't. Tony won't. He's upstairs, waiting for you to come back. Everyone is. And look at you. At us. You recognized me immediately when you saw me. You became more stable, right? That's what Helen told me this afternoon"

You nod carefully, letting her continue. "Maybe you just need to see the rest again. To ground you. Please. Come back to us"

You look at her hesitantly "What happens when I'm not me again?" You wanted to believe her that everything will turn out fine. But you don't want to hurt your family. Especially Nat.

"Please Y/N, trust yourself. And if you don't trust yourself, then trust me. I know we can manage this. You're not alone. And if you slip, I can protect us. Even if you can't stop yourself, you know that I can stop you."

Her eyes held nothing but honesty. Pure faith in you, full on trust.

"You guys are no good without me anyway, right?" you joke. Your voice was still hoarse from crying.

"Damn right, we aren't"

✮ ⋆ ˚｡⋆｡°✩

You didn't move back to normality instantly. But small steps are progress nonetheless.

So the next morning you went upstairs with Natasha for breakfast.

"You okay?" she asked, your hand in hers as she stood right in front of you.

You took a deep breath and nodded. "I am."

Just before she moved away you caught her wrist again "Tasha?"

"Yes?"

"Thank you. I love you"

She chuckled pulling you in by your waist. "Of course. I love you too, princess"

You stood on tiptoes, giving her a quick kiss before pulling her gently towards the door.

It was early enough that no one would be around, Steve out on his run, the rest still asleep.

You didn't meet anyone except for Phil but it was a start. Familiarity. The feeling of another thing that could keep you grounded.

Next thing was dinner in the evening. Still unusual late but Tony ran into you.

He full on walked in on you and Natasha having pizza and for a second he just watched you. You, sitting there like teenagers having late-night pizza on a gaming night.

The moment you noticed him he full on launched on you, pulling you in the biggest dad-hug you ever received. "I missed you, kiddo"

And all you could do was cry and laugh, burying your face in his shoulder "I'm no kid, old man"

✮ ⋆ ˚｡𓅨⋆｡°✩✮ ⋆ ˚｡⋆｡°✩｡⋆｡✮ ⋆ ˚｡⋆｡°✩✮ ⋆ ˚｡𓅨⋆｡°✩

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rainix13 · 17 days ago