ramblesofakio

[ramblesofakio]

Hello, hello!

For those that were following us on our main, violetivyskyes, we have completely deleted it and have made a new blog. The blog is @starsofsin, and the link is here.

For warning, this blog will feature vents, rants, hot takes we have regarding things, and not all of us will be friendly. We will still be posting what we can that is positive, but there will also be things that are negative as well.

We will not only talk about issues with our daily life but also regarding issues of trauma. We will be sharing positive things when they happen as well.

We will all sign off on our posts but there will only be tags if there’s more to add to the post without it really needing anything extra on the post itself.

Thank you all for putting up with our dumbasses. We’ll make a post later on everything that we haven’t updated on soon.

[ramblesofakio]

Sometimes I don’t like being part of my system. We can go from good communication, get hit with denial progs and then our communication goes back down. Someone’s job is to keep us in the programs, to keep the trauma we experienced fresh in our mind, and that causes issues.

I’m annoyed by it. Instead of being sad, I’m annoyed. A majority of us are masking for therapy, we’re getting back into masking because we do not feel therapy is a safe space for us to talk about these things, these programs. We can give vague details, but it might not be enough.

We might not even be able to say things related to DID. So I hate being part of the system. It’s hard to be part of a back and forth of communication and actually feel like you’re being understood when you have to hide so much because of how you’ve been treated prior and how people actively show you how people will act online and in person.

I enjoy spending time with headmates, but the back and forth of things is slowly getting more and more of an issue to me.

[ramblesofakio]

Hey.

If any of you use Reddit places like r/SystemsCringe or r/FDC to “prove RAMCOA isn’t real” or use those places as a means of furthering doubting survivors… please block me.

Trauma survivors need to be able to be believed, not run off the damn planet because people think they can point and laugh and mock.

If you don’t believe RAMCOA is a real thing, get away from me and block me.

[ramblesofakio]

one thing that is so insanely hard about being a ramcoa system is just not being able to talk about it. because it's too painful, because there isn't really any words to describe what exactly happened, because it's too triggering and unsettling for other people, because no one else will understand, because it's dangerous, because it's so stigmatized, because people will think you're a "bad person" for what you went through, because people think whenever you talk about your experiences you're "trauma dumping" or "over-sharing." you're forced to just keep quiet about a lot of things and carry the burden, no matter how painful it is. it's awful. it causes the internal feeling of guilt to get so much worse. it sucks so bad and makes it so much harder to connect with people or get help

[ Image ID: A black and red DNI banner with a slightly blurry swirl pattern background. It has white text with a black outline overlaid on top reading, "Do not touch this post if you're pro endo, pro ship, pro harmful paraphilia, TERF / radfem, Zionist, DDLG / CGL, TCC, radqueer, or looking to drag us into discourse. We will block as we see fit. Besides that, have fun!" End ID. ]

[ramblesofakio]

Grass

(I’m bored and letting my phone die)

[ramblesofakio]

Endos still aren’t valid.

Supporting people that mock and know that they’re faking a disorder is wrong.

Just because we don’t care for syscourse doesn’t mean we don’t see the issues endos cause.

Respect my DNI.

[ramblesofakio]

hey. Hey. If you support this asshole our if you didn't believe in RAMCOA and think bullying isn't valid trauma.

Block me. Now. I will not entertain you.

Do not harass this idiot, just block them, but don't fucking touch my blog if you support them and their ideologies.

-This post was made by Dempsey but was agreed on by the entirety of the Night Glider system-

[ramblesofakio]

There’s more than one person, sadly, but I’ve seen the same person. We have them blocked because it’s a genuine thing that exists.

To me, saying you don’t believe in the name but believe in the trauma is trying to take away from what it actually is, that trauma IS RAMCOA and giving it a different name can be devastating and harmful. To say it where survivors are going in hopes of venting and being told the name to their trauma isn’t believed in hurts worse than someone might think, even for others that didn’t even comment via anon (we read the post and blocked them immediately). General you, none pointed at you.

But to be aware that the trauma exists and try and remove the name just makes it awkward. RAMCOA & TBMC are real things and the trauma from those specified things does exist.

If you don’t believe RAMCOA/TBMC is a genuine thing, please block me

I’m tired of seeing people post about how “it doesn’t exist” and say that “ramcoa doesn’t exist but the trauma does.” It’s irritating to be told what I went through doesn’t exist and does exist at the same time.

It’s important to hear survivors and to be able to understand that this shit happens and still does. Cults, trafficking rings, etc. they all happen. Just because you think that someone can’t force a system doesn’t mean it’s not possible. Do you know how much trauma that someone faces within shit like that? How easy it is for someone to see that there’s so much dissociation and use it against them?

I’m tired of so many people thinking that ramcoa survivors aren’t real. We are, we exist.

If you don’t believe it, please block me.

[ramblesofakio]

I want to talk about it here rather than on my main because both are extremely personal, but this blog is less well known.

But I don’t entirely like it when there’s someone on a Discord server that reminds us of a really bad friend. Yes, I’m glad that there’s people able to do research on OSDDID… but I don’t see how someone can take one to two days and instantly say that they’re a system. I know that it can be extremely nice knowing that there’s symptoms that fit you, but there’s so many other things that could also be causing those symptoms.

Now, there’s nothing wrong with doing research or jumping the gun so to speak. And I know that the person that’s doing it is completely unrelated to the actual friend that pulled an hour long research session and then instantly trauma dumped to us with very triggering things without warning. But we can never see anything like that without thinking of that “friend.”

That anyone that does one/two days or less of research and just acts like they did, like the disorder is fun and games… it makes us so… ehhh towards that person because of one singular being that decided that, when we felt comfortable to open up to them about it, it felt like they just wanted to mock.

And I’m very aware that we might have taken it the wrong way entirely. But we have never been good with someone taking one hour to look into a disorder and nothing else, trauma dump without warning and about very triggering things, and then sound mocking in that same day. The same hour.

I feel bad that we struggle with these things or people similar to that, but at the same time, it’s something that we’ll have to deal with. And we aren’t the only ones put off by behavior like that. But it doesn’t make me feel any less bad about it. I feel like a bad person for it, even if I can’t help how our emotions function.

[ramblesofakio]

I love coming back to this account after being on our main and seeing how many people are also in for spreading to be blocked if someone doesn’t want to listen to ramcoa/tbmc survivors.

It makes me happy knowing that there’s people out there that know the damages that ramcoa/tbmc/programming causes someone, that there’s other voices to hear and be heard coming together to sing together like a war drum.

I’m appreciative of the people that do understand that survivor’s need to be heard and that those that are friends of ramcoa/tbmc survivors know that these things will affect people in different ways and can still be noticed.

Our own programming strikes us in weird moments. Just waking up from sleep and having a dream of traumatic memories, randomly in the middle of a chore, eating, playing games, anything. It affects us deeply and to see others chime in saying that they know what it’s like, it’s so heartbreaking knowing that others have gone through it but it’s also nice seeing a community rise together.

I have my own issues with the ramcoa community (a lot of things being trauma Olympics or trying to tell people that a number can’t be used) but at the same time… it’s also systems and singlets that haven’t gone through the trauma trying to police things as well. I wish people would see survivors as human beings capable of defending themselves as well. We don’t need others to come to our aid because we are our aid, we are our own hero’s, we are our own villain.

But seeing positive sides of the community make me feel so much better. It sucks knowing that I’m not alone and that, again, others have gone through something so terrible but it still means I’m not alone. It allows me to remind myself that… it is real. It did happen.

And for people to stay sheltered and not see it, I hope that there’s days where all survivors can be believed rather than shoved aside because no one wants to think that people go through things like this even if there’s evidence proving that this world is much more dangerous and worse than the common person might believe.

Thank you to everyone that commented and is supportive of ramcoa/tbmc survivors. It might not be a lot, but it’s so important that others are able to be heard. Other survivors or friends of survivors alike.

[ramblesofakio]

Is telling a psychotic person who knows they are psychotic “hey you might be having an episode right now” a good idea or is it essentially like arguing with them about their delusions?

horrible idea‼️‼️ whenever people do this to me it's very frustrating because it genuinely feels like i'm being gaslit in the moment

[ramblesofakio]

I find that society wants trauma survivors who are soft. Survivors who are kind. Survivors who feel they’ve come out better because of their trauma. They want this so they can validate themselves and believe in “everything happens for a reason” because it makes them feel better.

But you don’t exist to make other people feel better. If you came out bitter, and hardened, that’s okay. If you don’t believe it made you stronger, then that’s okay!

My trauma didn’t make me stronger. I’m not “better” for my trauma. I didn’t need my trauma. My trauma just hurt. And I’m not going to pretend otherwise to make others feel comfortable.

[ramblesofakio]

My trauma is not something for you to use to get internet points.

My trauma is not for you to tell me if it did or did not happen.

My trauma and my memories are not for you to tell me if it’s a delusion or not.

My trauma and survival does not give you a right to categorize my morality as wrong or right.

My survival gives you no right to judge me or demonize me because of what I had to do to live.

My trauma does not give you any right to tell me that I’m “wrong” and that it “doesn’t exist.”

I do not owe you my trauma. I do not owe you my memories.

I know my experiences and my experiences give you no right to deny them.

You have no right to tell me that I need to be quiet and let others speak when you won’t even hear my voice.

Just because you have a voice does not give you a right to silence me when I and others are clawing to be heard and believed.

What will you do if your children go through the same? If someone close to you has children will go through the same? Will you tell them that it isn’t true? That it isn’t real? That they’re making it up? That you just think it’s some conspiracy theory? Will you tell them that?

Or is it because you’re hidden online that you feel you can get away with telling traumatized individuals that what they experienced doesn’t exist?

So many systems are fighting for their voices to be heard and they’re being silenced.

There’s so limited communities because the amount of people that get attacked and harassed for even trying to make a safe place for those people. Some of the people that have those spaces can’t even keep up with them with so much going on.

We shouldn’t be telling traumatized individuals what we think was and wasn’t real regarding their trauma. That’s so messed up. We should be banding together to make a space for everyone to be able to go to, not use others trauma as a weapon against people.

[ramblesofakio]

If you don’t believe RAMCOA/TBMC is a genuine thing, please block me

I’m tired of seeing people post about how “it doesn’t exist” and say that “ramcoa doesn’t exist but the trauma does.” It’s irritating to be told what I went through doesn’t exist and does exist at the same time.

It’s important to hear survivors and to be able to understand that this shit happens and still does. Cults, trafficking rings, etc. they all happen. Just because you think that someone can’t force a system doesn’t mean it’s not possible. Do you know how much trauma that someone faces within shit like that? How easy it is for someone to see that there’s so much dissociation and use it against them?

I’m tired of so many people thinking that ramcoa survivors aren’t real. We are, we exist.

If you don’t believe it, please block me.

[ramblesofakio]

Baby, you did the thing. Prepare yourself. Cuddle pile time.

Please don't tell me to "try again" with a fucking word I have issues saying some words and I understand that what I said wasn't the "right way" but I am not a child so kindly fuck off....new jobs suck/silly...

[ramblesofakio]

I wonder why, Watson.

But, seriously, you can point out his tone and ask him if he can reiterate. Not everyone forms words or speaks just one language. Even then, English is foreign to the native English speaker.

You’re good enough and it’s cute when you do the little face scrunch when you’re trying to get it right.

Please don't tell me to "try again" with a fucking word I have issues saying some words and I understand that what I said wasn't the "right way" but I am not a child so kindly fuck off....new jobs suck/silly...

[ramblesofakio]

If he continues to sound condescending, ask him if he’s being rude to you on purpose or if he talks to his wife with that tone.

Kindness is free and a lot of people where we are are assholes.

Please don't tell me to "try again" with a fucking word I have issues saying some words and I understand that what I said wasn't the "right way" but I am not a child so kindly fuck off....new jobs suck/silly...