raskolnikoviscoming

[raskolnikoviscoming]

Diary Of Anais Nin Volume 4 1944-1947

[raskolnikoviscoming]

[raskolnikoviscoming]

Natural pride and passion dont ever die out , but then neither does the threat of thought. When Milan Kundera differentiated empty sexual memory from poetic memory , he forgot to mention that for most women (and this is an unpopular opinion of mine) for most stubborn and traditionally feminine women there is ONLY the poetic memory. And nobody can cross the boundaries of intimacy (be it sexual or psychological) with comfort , without strained effort except THAT person. The only problem with poetic memory is that it chooses it's subject matter in an arbitrary way. Another problem is that we aren't traditionally feminine (whatever the hell that means ) 365 days a year. When oestrogen levels plummet so does the want of affection and humility and love. What it's replaced by is an anxious eagerness , a longing to succeed , a sense of ambition fuelled by vanity. And I'm beginning to think that maybe striking a balance is the way of prominent women in this world. Women DO always have to suppress some part of themselves , and yes , I am saying this at the risk of sounding like a whiny liberal.

[raskolnikoviscoming]

Vulgar details about the future are only vulgar because they force you to glare at what's uncertain, what's problematic , what can quite easily be described as the corrupt laws that govern the universe. 

[raskolnikoviscoming]

[raskolnikoviscoming]

Idle thoughts and lazy,sultry yearnings can't be built up into some sort of definitive reality. It may be poetic and dazzling to think that the dreams you weave up at night are what really matter , but what's so great about impulse ? What's so darn noble about being whimsical ? People need to believe in consequences , in fact , we have a responsibility to do so. I'm tired of the view that logic and ambition go hand in hand with superficiality and emptiness. Regardless , we wont ever be able to get rid of the student-teacher-stray-intellectual types who will always subtly insist that to fail miserably is far more romantic than to succeed. 

[raskolnikoviscoming]

[raskolnikoviscoming]

Who can do justice to somebody like that ? A man whose wit is so insufferably cocky that it is ten times as effective for being so. A man who is a one-man-theater-spectacle in ever sense of the term. A man whose days and nights are spent in the muddy backwaters of third-world poverty as he saunters through his kingdom ; the small-town courts of a subcontinental village. This is a man who is well into his forties but roars with laughter like a man of twenty , this is a man who still oscillates between extremes, A man with deeply entrenched flaws, a man with unquestionable talent , in effect ; a man who deserves much more. 

[raskolnikoviscoming]

[raskolnikoviscoming]

Provincial idyll can quite easily allow room for pen-scratchings. But words on a page have a power over their creator , a power so firmly established that it takes a long while for it to even be identified. This is no dictatorship , this is a dangerous form of divine right. As soon as you write something down you give it wings , you serve it on a platter to the imagination , and the imagination distorts and decorates as it sees fit. 

[raskolnikoviscoming]

[raskolnikoviscoming]

Intimacy too closely resembles weakness. It's too much  obligatory dependence (which negates it altogether) and not enough room to breathe in between. Intimacy harbors expectations, intimacy has standards to maintain , as if the identity or disposition of an individual could ever remain at a constant. But I'm not about to trifle with metaphors because abstract longings are the least of our worries. Why abuse the 'poetic' imagination by creating problems where none exist?