raye-writes-blog

[raye-writes-blog]

I don't know him. I don't think I know how to know him. I'm used to reading people, figuring out their "deal," but I don't think he has one. Sometimes he's tough and he can handle anything that comes his way, and other times he's like a baby deer, stumbling through life and barely surviving. It takes time to figure out which he is at any given moment. I usually catch him at the end of his day, when his eyelids are drooping and he can barely keep up with conversation. He's tired, but he can't sleep. His brain, his body, they won't let him. So he stays awake until the all hours of the night, reading, pondering, barely talking to me. It's not like I stay up late to talk to him, or anything. It's not his fault that I'm cooped up all day, and my energy needs to go somewhere. It's not his fault that he's my favorite person to talk to, or at least he used to be. Before things seemed to get complicated for no reason. Before he got too busy to be interested. He's trying to be better, I can tell. He wants to show me he listens, but I interpret wrong, and then things get all uncomfortable. I try to make a joke or two but he doesn't catch on, and suddenly I feel like throwing myself off of a bridge. It's not his fault that I never take anything seriously enough, and when I do, it seems like my world is falling apart. He's scared, but he doesn't usually let it show. That is, unless it's 11 pm and he's telling me that he didn't do as well as he wanted in that competition, that he stumbled over his words and had a freak out later. One minute he's invincible, and the other he's... perishable. Maybe his fragility is his strength. Maybe it's what makes him so caring toward other people, at the expense of himself. I don't know much about him and me, but I know I don't want to be someone he feels like he has to take care of over himself. I miss him, but his own health should come first. I don't think many people realize just how tired he is. Do they know that he falls asleep in science class because he worked after school, got home at seven, and then couldn't fall asleep until one in the morning? Do they know how hard he works just to stay afloat? The world demands so much of him. He demands so much of himself. I wish he'd take a break. Sleep in, waste away for an hour or two. Do something spontaneous, remember that he's a kid.

I forgot I was a kid for a while. For a year or two I was the perfect girl, every parent's dream. I took care of the kids with no complaints, and was always there no matter what. I was out early and back late, first one there and last one to leave. I think I lost sight of myself. Now I'm rediscovering how life can be fun again, a couple years later. Problem is, I'm reaching the age where it's not acceptable to be a kid. When you're sixteen people want you to be mature and make good decisions, but think you won't. Who am I to disappoint? I'll give them what they want. I'll talk back to my parents, disrespect my teachers. I'll laugh too loud, I'll question authority. Maybe I'll run away and they'll never be able to find me again.

I want him to run away and be a kid with me. But he's so far away. Physically and emotionally. I know where he lives, but I don't know where he is. Maybe he's in school, drifting away from consciousness bit by bit, day by day. Maybe he's at work, his muscles sore and his body screaming for rest. Maybe he's with his friends, but his thoughts are going a million miles a minute, and won't let him enjoy himself.

"How was your day?" "It was a day."

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when i come across a fic with a long, lowercase title (perhaps with parentheses) that’s over 20k words and only one chapter

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one of the best feelings is finally losing your attachment to somebody who isn’t good for you

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Local white man in your class has selflessly volunteered to be devils advocate in an argument no one was having

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i said fuck online once and it changed my life

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me trying to convince myself that this boy i like is ugly

why do i like him hes so….. disgusting look at those ugly brown eyes they look like… mud and he’s too tall if i stand next to him ill never get any sun and ill die and his hands are so…. big. he could kill me i hate him

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boy: hi me: i feel like ur lying but okay

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Why are things never on my terms, its painful

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i feel so easily transformed at all times, all it takes is a song, a sentence, a moment, and im someone completely new, and im somewhere else entirely

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people who scream when the teacher turns off the lights

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lgbt was coined by the beatles as an acronym for their names

Lennom George harrison ford Ball “is life” mccartney The drummer