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really-fanny-longbottom · 2 months ago

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i hate that i love you

reader x azriel | they were once best friends and almost something more, but now they are enemies with a burning, unresolved desire—they promised to never cross the line that they drew, but one night it’s all it takes to forget that promise.

warnings: suggestive language, smut & curse words.

words: 5.7k

a/n: i decided to try something different, it was my first time writing something like this, so, i hope i did well.

masterlist

hate—a feeling of intense animosity, aversion, or disgust toward something or someone.

the perfect definition to describe the relationship with the person you hate most in this world.

the male known throughout the entire territorial expanse of prythian.

the male known by many names and titles.

the male that many fear but that you have to restrain yourself from punching every time you see him.

the male that irritates you as easily as he snaps his fingers and that makes your blood boil like water in a kettle.

azriel.

the infamous shadowsinger.

the relentless spymaster of the night court.

one of the most famous illyria's bastards.

who else could it be?

everyone who knew you, or had heard whispers of your name, knew that you and azriel were opposites of each other.

where one was, the other could not be.

and if you both happened to be together in the same space, screams, insults, and fists were to be expected.

it was rare the moments when you two went from verbal to physical but never impossible.

the members of the inner circle—rhysand, cassian, morrigan and amren—were witnesses to such a fact.

in fact, the first three had been the witnesses to the downfall of your relationship with azriel, because yes, you weren't always enemies.

no, you had been friends—best friends—in times that were now unknown, that were now covered by a fog between reality and imagination.

you and azriel had hated each other for so long now, that your family wasn’t really sure if there was ever a time where you two had actually got along.

four hundred years had passed.

four hundred years of pure hatred, resentment, anger and brutal animosity.

and to this day, none of them had any idea of what had happened between you—not even a clue of what might have happened, much less a theory of what really happened.

you had been inseparable. your relationship had been the envy of many who wished the same—a loyalty, trust, respect and affection like no other.

cassian and rhysand went as far as to make bets on when the two of you would finally give in, put your stubbornness aside and assume your feelings for each other.

the three friends were absolutely certain that you were destined for each other and that there was no way you would not end up together.

but it seems that fate had other plans.

from one day to the next, just a few hours apart, in a matter of a second, everything changed.

the sparkle in your eyes that was reserved only for azriel faded, and the smile that azriel had unlocked from his coldness and indifference meant only for you, disappeared.

over the years, the inner circle tried to reconcile you, hoping that you could put the past where it belonged and start over.

several plans were put into action, one attempt after another, but always without success.

it came very close to the desired result on many occasions, but it simply never happened.

despite everything, all the conversations, all the attempts, the two of you were never able to forget whatever had happened.

you and him would never be the same again.

and so, the inner circle stopped trying.

but things were different now.

everything had changed after the fall of amarantha and the liberation of prythian from her clutches.

new people had entered your lives, new alliances had been formed, and a rebuilding of a new world had begun.

but those weren’t the only changes that had occurred.

your relationship with azriel had also changed—much to your displeasure and surprise.

after all, you were no longer just enemies bound by a past.

you were now bound for the rest of your lives by a golden thread around your hearts that extended to the heart of the other.

mates.

funny how fate works, huh?

•••

the living room was quiet, except for the sound of the cups of tea.

and of course, the screams coming from upstairs—your screams and azriel’s.

rhysand sipped from his teacup, sitting next to feyre who was swirling the spoon to mix honey into her tea with cassian in front of him eating a cookie while nesta tried to read a book.

rhysand sighed and ran a hand over his face, “it’s going to be a long night.”

feyre looked between cassian and rhysand, placing her teacup on the small coffee table to take a freshly baked cookie from the platter, “what exactly happened?”

cassian answered her, his beard slightly stained with cookie crumbs. “they’re arguing about the mission. they both had different ideas about how to act and the mission ended up failing, now they blame each other.”

“you shouldn’t have sent them together,” nesta said, closing her book and holding it in her lap.

“i know, but i had no choice, they were the only ones qualified for this mission.” rhysand defended himself, taking another sip of his tea.

before any of them could speak again, the sound of a door closing and locking echoed throughout the house, making the contents of the cups rattle.

a minute of silence followed, all eyes fixed on the ceiling of the living room as if waiting for something.

“it seems like it’s over,” feyre whispered, as if afraid of breaking the peace that had been offered to them.

a peace that didn’t last long, because soon after they heard loud knocks on the door, followed by the calling of your name.

“here we go again,” cassian said, biting his cookie.

•••

firm, loud knocks sounded on your bedroom door, followed by a voice full of frustration and anger “let me in.”

it was an order, you could tell by his tone, which only made you even more irritated.

“fuck you,” you replied back, as you finished unpacking your backpack and putting your clothes in their proper drawers.

the mission had been a fiasco and the last thing you wanted now was to continue this argument that seemed to have no end.

your blood was already boiling hot, a little push and things would be taking a very different direction.

he knocked harder on the door, the wood creaking with the action. if that wasn’t proof of how angry he was too, his next response was.

“open the fucking door.”

“no.”

a firm and low whisper of your name escaped between his lips as a form of warning “i will barge through this door if you don’t open it right now.”

you scoffed at his words, rolling your eyes at him even though he couldn't see you, “i'm sorry, i don't remember asking you anything.”

you didn't need your fae hearing to hear the growl he gave, you could feel his temper rising right through the door.

he stopped knocking and you heard him turn the doorknob in hopes of opening the door, which brought a smirk to your face.

“idiot,” you whispered, your eyes on the t-shirt you were folding.

“i heard that,” a particularly loud knock landed on the door, which only caused your smirk to widen even more.

“good, that’s a sign that your old age isn’t catching up with you.”

a second whisper of your name reached your ears and you couldn’t help but roll your eyes a second time.

“go bother someone else,” you said, your voice a little louder than usual, a sign that your patience was starting to wear thin.

“you're my mate. you're enough for now.”

you stopped your movements and closed your eyes.

mate.

that word.

that damned, damned, damned word.

such a small word but that it was enough to awaken the bond.

and just like that, all of your walls were down and you and azriel were one.

there was no line where you began and he ended.

the bond was strong enough to make you feel things that took all your willpower to keep from happening.

but there were times you just couldn't resist to act on it, and this moment, was one of those times.

you left the rest of your clothes unfolded and headed towards the door before turning the key and unlocking it.

you could only hope that you were only opening the door to your bedroom for the male and not the doors to your heart.

as you returned to your previous position, grabbing all the unfolded clothes and discarding it on the desk chair, the door to your bedroom opened.

azriel swung the door open, stepping inside the bedroom before shutting it behind him.

he leaned against it, bringing his arms to cross over his chest. his eyes darkened at the sight of you.

you were, now, standing at the foot of your bed, in just a pair of black lacy panties and a t-shirt that was about two inches down your belly button.

his expression softened slightly, making his anger falter for a second before, “when i tell you to do something, you do it. it's not a request.”

you had to bite your tongue to keep you from snapping at him.

you knew he was talking about the mission—again—and you, at this point, were more than fed up with that talk, so, you weren't going to continue to fuel that discussion.

you turned to him, your eyes meeting his, “excuse me? say that again and my hand will be on your face faster than you can pronounce the word ‘mommy’.”

azriel pushed himself off the door and walked towards you, he now wore a smirk on his face caused by your words.

“go ahead, love. i won’t stop you,” he said, his tone dripping with that arrogant confidence of his, “even though you’re just all talk, you and i both know you don’t have the guts to lay a finger on me.”

the corners of your lips rose, and you studied him as he got closer and closer to you, his eyes sliding over your figure.

you took advantage of his brief moment of distraction to stretch your arm behind you towards the bag before grabbing your favorite object, the one that could describe you in the best way—brilliant and lethal.

one moment the male's eyes were on your legs, and then they were on the blade of the dagger that was now pressed against the skin of his neck, the cold material contrasting with his warm skin.

"are you sure about that, shadowsinger?" your smirk remained intact as you studied his reaction.

your smirk turned into a full grin, a hint of amusement in your eyes, “what’s wrong, baby? cat got your tongue?”

just like your smirk, azriel's also changed, his eyes taking on the same amusement as yours and when he took a step back, you took a step forward.

“you don’t look very threatening right now, love.” his hand found your hip, but somehow, to his surprise, you didn't push it away.

he took the chance to slide his hand under your small shirt to rest in the same place as before, but with his scarred hand now touching your soft skin.

“i’m not your ‘love’.” you said, the tip of your dagger pressing a little harder against his skin.

as a reflex, azriel lifted his chin to give you better access, his smile still in place, “you almost had me, love. but you are definitely giving me ‘bad girl on the outside but sweet girl on the inside’ sort of vibes.”

you couldn't help but laugh, your eyes now shining with amusement at your banter “do you want to know what kind of vibes you give me?”

you continued to walk in sync, one step back and another forward until the male's back hit the wall, him resting his back against the surface at the same time his hand gave your hip a light squeeze.

“hm, do tell me, love.”

you leaned forward, just enough so that your chests were a few inches from touching and your voice lowered two tenths, your tone now low and sensual “small dick vibes.”

his smirk fell from his face, he clenched his jaw and his hand on your hip pulled you to stand closer to him while his free hand reached up slowly to wrap around your hand that was still holding the dagger against his skin “care to repeat that, love?”

you took another step towards him, your smirk never faltering for a second, “small dick vibes.”

he looked at you with a sharp gaze before his face turned into a smug expression, a grin forming on his lips as he tugged you closer to him and his voice dropping to almost a whisper, “hm, you want to find out just how big it is?”

his smile grew when this time, it was your smile that disappeared and something unknown shone in your eyes.

suddenly, your breathing become heavier and your heartbeat faster.

the mating bond playing its role in perfection at the worst of times.

“no. . . ” you managed to say after a long moment of silence in which you just stared into his hazel eyes.

azriel’s hand let go of your hand that was holding the sparkling object and reached out to touch you, pushing your hair behind your shoulder and then fitting it on your neck.

“your lips say no, but your body says a different answer.”

you snapped out of the trance you were in, all reactions due to his proximity, before pushing him against the wall and shaking his hands off you, “get off me.”

he let you push him against the wall, placing his hands at his sides for support. a hint of irritation invaded his eyes while maintaining eye contact with you the entire time.

“are you going to use that dagger then, love? or are you just going to use your pretty little hands instead?”

when you didn’t respond back, his grin grew and he tilted his head down so his eyes were level with yours, and he spoke softly, in a tone of arrogance and sensuality, “or maybe you just want to use your pretty little mouth.”

the room was invaded by a loud noise as the palm of your hand made contact with his skin, causing his head to spin completely to the side with the impact.

“asshole,” you said, your voice almost a shout, as you watched his cheek turn red from your hard slap.

he kept his head turned to the side for a moment as the room fell silent before slowly turning it back to you.

his gaze was hard and his voice sharp when he spoke next, “gods, i fucking hate you,” he said before crashing his lips in yours.

•••

once again, all eyes were on the living room ceiling.

the family members were trying to detect any sounding—a scream, a slap, furniture breaking, anything.

but they found nothing.

complete silence.

slowly they lowered their hands to look at each others.

“it's. . .quiet,” feyre said.

“that's. . .unusual, and concerning.” rhysand added, looking at cassian.

“what do you think they're doing upstairs?” cassian asked, looking between the three of them.

“honestly,” nesta said, opening her book again and starting to read “probably killing each other.”

•••

azriel’s hand slide to the back of your neck before gripping it firmly and pulling you against him, capturing your lips in a hard, demanding kiss, desperate to shut you up.

you didn’t waste a second in kissing him back, your hand dropping the dagger at your feet to find his face.

his hand on your neck joined his free hand and both slid down to your ass, squeezing it for a moment, before sliding to the back of your thighs and lifting you off the ground.

your legs encircled his waist, a gesture that felt so natural, as if they had always belonged there.

azriel reversed your positions, now pressing you against the wall. he deepened the kiss, his hands returning to your ass holding you in place and drawing a gasp from you.

in turn, your hands left his face and traveled to his shoulders, your fists closing around the fabric of his shirt and pulling it up.

the male grinned at your action and broke the kiss, his lips an inch apart as he spoke with his breath against your face “do you want me that bad, love?”

“shut the fuck up,” you demanded, not wasting time in crashing your lips against his once more.

but soon enough, azriel was pulling back again, “just admit it. admit it, you’re that desperate for me.”

he seriously needed to start reading the room better because this was definitely not the time to be with this lameness.

you grabbed his jaw, your hand pulling him closer to you, “azriel,” your tone was almost lethal, leaving no room for argument, “you either shut up and fuck me or you leave.”

he went still for a moment, his breathing heavy with his eyes roaming your eyes and lips.

“you’re so irritating,” he pulled off the wall and soon, your back hit the mattress, and azriel moved to hover over you, his hands on either side of your head.

“good choice,” you said, grabbing his neck and kissing him hungrily.

he bent his legs and spread them so that your legs would also spread apart with the movement, the back of your thighs resting against his and his knees on each side of your hips.

he rose up on his knees, breaking the kiss and bringing his hands to the hem of your t-shirt, tugging it impatiently, “this needs to come off.”

“then what the hell are you waiting for?” you asked, looking up at him, your chest rising and falling rapidly.

his eyes darkened and without any warning, he grabbed in the middle of your shirt and ripped it off of you in a swift and precise move. he threw what was left of it to the floor before he looked down at you, his gaze drinking you in.

“gods, you’re beautiful.”

“i know.”

he chuckled at your words, and removed his t-shirt as well. he leaned down again, and pressed his lips against your neck, finding your pulse point, leaving wet kisses as he traced a path to your collarbone.

his lips continued its path, reaching your bare chest. he buried his head between your breasts before moving to one of your breasts and closing his mouth around your nipple.

you closed your eyes in response, a soft moan escaping your lips as you arched your back off the mattress.

he turned his attention to your other breast, aiming to elicit the same response from you again, and when you did and he was satisfied, he lifted his head to look at you.

he kept his eyes on yours as he lowered his lips against your skin to place one last kiss, sending a shiver down your spine.

azriel rose up on his knees again and once again, studied you for a long moment, “you’re a sight to behold,” he murmured, his scarred hands caressing the bare skin of your thighs.

“i know,” you repeated, breathlessly.

he laughed, and lowered himself against you, kissing your neck, and leaning to whisper in your ear “you’re so cocky, love.”

he nuzzled his nose against your neck, just below your ear, biting that sensitive part gently and eliciting another moan from you.

your hand traveled to the back of his head and when you found his hair, you tugged on it, “honest,” you corrected him.

he let out a moan of pleasure, and he turned to look at you, “honest,” he said, and his lips began to place kisses again towards your chest, but this time going lower and lower.

you let go of his hair and brought your hand to the top of his head to pat it softly, “good boy.”

he growled at your words, his eyes finding yours again and his hand gripping your thigh in annoyance, “don’t call me that.”

your smirk returned, and when azriel saw the mischief in your eyes, he knew you weren’t going to let go of that, and how right he was. you lifted your torso on your forearms, and repeated “good boy.”

he turned his head to bite the inside of your thigh before letting out a low growl again, “say that again and i’ll turn you into a goddamn mess.”

your hand returned to the top of his head and your fingers slid through his silky hair before gripping his strands in a clenched fist, “good. . .boy.”

he growled again, and lowered his head to place one last kiss on your stomach, before grabbing your legs, lifting them from his thighs and spinning you around on the bed.

with you now lying on your stomach, the male’s hand landed on your ass with a firm smack before gripping your hips and pulling you against him, placing you on your hands and knees.

“hold on tight, love. you’re in for it now.” he warned, before starting to undo the ties of his pants. you hid your smile in your arm, and waited for him to get rid of his clothes, missing his skin when he got up from the bed to do so before returning.

an unexpected moan escaped you when you felt his bare skin on yours.

azriel's hands found the fabric of your lacy panties and just like your t-shirt, in a matter of seconds, they were ripped on the floor.

“those were my favorite pair, you idiot.”

azriel smirked and placed a kiss on your lower back, before gently smacking your ass again.

“i’ll buy you new ones, love, don’t worry.”

“you better. fucking asshole.” you muttered but not low enough to stop him from hearing, your face turned behind to look at him over your shoulder.

azriel placed his hands on your hips again and pulled you against him once more.

one hand now rested on your lower back, while the other grabbed his member and brought it to your entrance.

he brushed against your folds, causing your toes to curl, “look at you, all ready for me.”

you rolled your eyes at him, causing him to chuckle and giving your ass another smack “watch the attitude, love. you’re not in a position to sass me.”

“or what?”

azriel grinned before pushing forward and entering you in one long and deep thrust and the room was filled with your moans mixing.

azriel closed his eyes and let his head fall back, a string of curses escaping from his lips.

your hands gripped the sheet, and you bit your lower lip to stop yourself from following the same path as azriel and letting out a bunch of profanities.

giving you a moment to adjust, azriel’s hands caressed the skin of your lower back and ass, running them up and down in soft circles.

“you're okay?” azriel surprised himself with the question but didn't take it back. his eyes were focused on the back of your head.

“going soft on me, shadowsinger?” you asked, your eyes open and a cocky smirk on your face.

“never,” he said, his hand landing on your ass a third time before he started moving his hips gently and slowly at first.

your moans began to mix with azriel's as he increased his pace.

was all he could hear, your moans and how fast and heavy your breathing was.

he didn't need to hear your heartbeat to know that it was beating just as wildly as his, just like he didn’t need you to tell him that this didn’t feel like a regular sexual encounter.

he knew perfectly well that you were feeling much more than just that, and so was he.

it was as if your senses were even more heightened during this moment, everything was more intense, deep and alive—the mating bond doing its part.

azriel couldn't help but think about the words his brothers had said earlier and how right they were—nothing could compare to being with your mate, there was no comparison that could be made.

“this doesn’t change anything,” you said, your voice breaking him from his thoughts.

azriel groaned, both in pleasure and irritation. he couldn't agree with your statement, because he didn't know if he could continue to remain indifferent to you, and to be honest, he didn't know if he wanted to continue that way.

his brain screamed one thing while his heart screamed another.

“we’ll see about that,” he said simply, increasing the pace of his thrusts, letting the little irritation he felt guided him.

the change in pace caused your moans to increase in pitch, your body going forward with each thrust.

“you’re such an asshole,” you said with a heavy breathing, one that matched with azriel’s.

“and you’re infuriating.” he shot back.

“jerk,”

“brat,”

“bitch,”

at your name call, azriel had to blink his eyes several times to make sure he hadn't just imagined that, that those words had actually come out of your mouth and been directed at him.

“excuse me?” he asked, his hip movements never giving in.

“i said. . .bitch,” you repeated, clearly you had no problem repeating your insults directed at him but on the other hand, why would you?

azriel didn't scare you and you were definitely not afraid of him, in fact you didn't even have any reason to be.

despite your many arguments, exchanged insults and sometimes slaps, punches and knees, you would never be able to seriously hurt each other.

and not just because the bond didn't allow it but because you were physically incapable of such a thing—and you both knew it, even if you'd never admit it.

azriel couldn't help the smile that crept onto his face, you calling him 'bitch' was just too funny.

one hand remained on your hip while the other slid up your bare back, reaching the length of your hair and wrapping it around his hand before pulling, making you arch your back and lift your head.

the moan you let out sent a shiver down azriel's spine, causing the hairs on his arms to stand up, “is that so?”

the pace of his movements accelerated, his thrusts now stronger but still deep, making you feel every inch that came out and went back in.

“who’s the bitch now?” he asked as he continued his brutal—but very welcoming by you—pace.

“you, you’re my bitch, shadowsinger,” you managed, your moans being temporarily replaced by a big, heartily laugh.

azriel was glad you found that funny because he didn’t.

his hand left your hip and went to the middle of your back. azriel pushed you down, your chest now against the mattress, changing the angle of your hips.

the change of angle allowed azriel to go deeper, making you feel every inch of his length and thickness.

your mouth fell into the shape of an 'o', and you lowered your head between your arms. for a few minutes all that could be heard were your moans, your inability to form words causing amusement in the male behind you.

“what’s wrong, love? cat got your tongue?” he said, using the same words you used against him moments before.

“fuck you,”

“i already am, love.” he said, bringing his hand to the curve of your ass.

“fucking asshole,” you murmured.

“language,” azriel’s grin widened, his expression becoming more cocky.

the sound of skin against skin, along with the muffled sounds of moans and heavy breathing filled the room, blurring the windows and the mirror above the dresser.

“i hate you,” you replied, stretching your arms out in front of you on the mattress and tilting your head back a little when you felt azriel tugging lightly on your hair.

“the feeling is mutual, love,” the male replied with his smile still intact, his hand releasing your hair and coming to rest on your lower back.

shortly after, your breathing became heavier and heavier as that sweet sensation grew in your cores.

you raised yourself up on your arms, starting to move your hips in sync with azriel's, the movements meeting in the middle.

“don’t stop,” you said softly, but your tone carried an order.

both of your moans grew louder, your release getting closer.

azriel used his hands to squeeze your ass, a gesture that caused you to clench around him and which provoked azriel to deliver a particularly strong and deep thrust.

together, with a loud moan and a deep growl, you and azriel achieved your release.

the male continued his movements, getting you both through it until there was nothing left.

you collapsed on top of the bed with the male following right after you, your entire body now against the mattress and his body on top of yours.

azriel’s chest was against your back, his arms came to wrap around your neck and shoulders keeping you encaged between him and the mattress.

his forehead rested your shoulder blades while yours rested on his muscular arms.

you were both silent for a long moment, as you worked on catching your breaths and calming your hearts that were still beating like crazy.

after a few minutes, you raised your head and placed wet kisses on his biceps.

as you traced a path on his arms, azriel spoke, his voice quiet and slightly still out of breath, “i missed this.”

your movements faltered, and you looked into the empty for a few seconds before allowing yourself to say, “yes, i missed this too,” a beat of silence and then, “but you’re still an asshole,” you said, your breathing almost back to normal.

“hm, have you noticed that you insult me a lot? is it because i’m illyirian?” azriel asked, half serious, half joking.

“what?” you asked in surprise, turning your head to the side to meet his face, “no, of course not. i insult you because you irritate me and because rhysand said that insulting is much healthier than hitting you.”

azriel laughed, a genuine smile replacing his smirk of before.

“but i’m serious, azriel,” you kept your eyes on his, “i don’t care if you're illyrian. i never saw you as anything other than the male you are, not even as a bastard. you never were one, at least not in my eyes.”

azriel remained quiet, his smile slowly disappearing from his face in contemplation of your words. he couldn't hide his surprise, after your disagreement, this was the nicest thing you had said to him in all those centuries.

his heart tightened in his chest, and he sighed, lowering his head towards your shoulder and placing a kiss before looking you in the eyes again and whispering a small 'thank you'.

you nodded and turned your head forward, running your hands through your hair as the male watched you for a moment before lifting himself off of you, taking all of his weight off.

carefully, he pulled out and with a hand on your hip, he turned you to lie down on the bed, your back against the mattress with the softness of the sheets caressing your skin.

azriel parted your legs and kept his eyes on you for a second longer than necessary before lowering himself.

he settled between your thighs, pushing in again until he was completely buried inside of you before bringing his forearms to rest on each side of your head.

as he looked at you, his gaze now holded something different, something unknown to not only him but to you too.

his hands found your hair, meddling with it, until his thumb found the skin of your forehead and softly caressed it.

you looked up at him, studying him with the same intensity he was, wrapping your legs around his waist, with one ankle over the other—as if to make sure he couldn't escape.

azriel lowered his head, his nose brushing against yours, one, two, three times before he whispered very lowly, “i hate you.”

in turn, your hands found the skin of his back, until they went down and found the beginning of his wings, caressing them tenderly.

you watched azriel's eyes being invaded by pleasure and felt his skin heating up.

“i hate you,” you said back, in a soft whisper that could only be meant for his ears and not the world.

your tones of voice were now loaded with different feelings and with different meanings.

it was now your tones that made clear what your words did not.

all the words that were not spoken, all the thoughts that were not revealed and all the feelings that remained hidden, were sealed by a kiss.

a kiss that old books and stories could only describe as a kiss of true love.

•••

the sun was already peeking through the curtains, the light of a new morning warming the room and hitting the male who was still sleeping peacefully next to you.

with your head resting on his bicep, you looked at his sleeping face while your hand slid through his black curls, gently pulling them back.

you sighed. four hundred years had to pass before you could be back in his arms but still, after last night, you couldn't forget the past.

no matter how hard you tried, those events would always be in the back of your mind.

your hand fell to his face, tracing the line of his jaw before settling on his cheek, your thumb caressing his skin.

you could feel the bond swimming through your veins, telling you that this was where you belonged, that this was where you always belonged.

but your brain screamed at you to run away.

you took a deep breath, and your hand slid to his lips, caressing his lower lip, ignoring the burning you felt in your eyes.

unable to hold it in any longer, you closed your eyes and gently brushed your nose against his chin, feeling your heart tighten more and more—with longing and pain.

“i hate that i love you,” you whispered.

you let yourself stay in his arms, savoring his touch and his smell for a few more seconds before lifting his arm from your waist and getting out of bed.

grabbing your clothes, you tiptoed to the door before quietly opening it and entering the hallway, but not without looking back at the male sleeping in your bed one last time.

with a heavy chest, you left the room and closed the door.

and you didn’t allow yourself to look back.

a/n: thank you for reading!

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*if you asked to be tagged and you weren't, it's because i couldn't find your blog.

dividers by @cafekitsune

#acotar #acotar fandom #acotar fanfiction #acotar fic #azriel shadowsinger #azriel #azriel x reader #rhysand #cassian #feyre archeron #nesta archeron #azriel x you #azriel x f!reader #azriel x female!reader #azriel x y/n #smut

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really-fanny-longbottom · 2 months ago

Text

in sickness & in silence

azriel x reader | because actions speak louder than words. words: 2.9k a/n: one year ago i created this page and never did i thought i would gain the corage to write and post my own fanfics, how crazy is that? (anyways, i'm back 😊)

masterlist

it was currently eight o'clock on a cold, white winter morning.

some inhabitants were still sleeping in their warm beds that protected them from the cold that reigned in velaris at that time, while others were already on the streets, preparing for another day of work.

azriel was one of them, one of those who was already walking through the streets, with a mission in hand.

but this mission was not like the others, in which his brother gave him instructions to travel somewhere in order to have to do something that would taint his hands or mind.

no, this mission was not guided by orders but by his heart.

the male's steps remained firm and fast as he walked towards the white house with the blue door whose porch was decorated more with flowers than with the stone of the stairs.

the house that one day he wanted to walk towards, not to visit but to stay.

the house that, for some reason, made his mind calm and body relax.

maybe not because of the house itself but because of the young female who lived there, the same one with green eyes and dark brown hair.

the same one whose perfume reminded him of a peaceful spring morning, whose presence lit up a room as if she were the sun, whose shampoo reminded him of the flowers in the gardens, whose hands made the best chocolate chip cookies and whose voice was so sweet it seemed to have been made of honey.

the same young female who burst into his life and brought with her all the colors of the world.

azriel began to climb the hill that would lead him to his destination. how many times had he passed that hill? five? ten? thirty? a hundred?

and still, he had never passed the front door of that white house with the blue door.

azriel doesn't know when he lost his heart to her, but he didn't want it back anymore. what he wanted to know was why she hadn't come to the house of wind in three days.

three days and no warning—no letter, no sign, nothing.

azriel had even gone to the river house to talk to rhysand, who was busy exploring the new concept of fatherhood.

the conversation lasted only two minutes—long enough for the high lord to say that he hadn't seen you, that he didn't know anything about you, and to say that you should probably be at your house.

azriel didn't waste any time and almost immediately headed to your house.

now standing on the sidewalk in front of the said house, the male looked it up and down before opening the small wooden gate, also blue, and starting to climb the steps.

with each step he climbed, his heart skipped a beat, and another, and another.

he couldn't deny that he was frustrated for not having heard from you for three days but where there was room for frustration, there was also room for worry and fear.

and those feelings spoke louder than the previous one.

azriel stopped on the second to last step before knocking on the wooden door and taking two steps back.

the male waited, and waited until the green curtain of the front window moved to the side and. . .there you were.

something calmed the male's heart just by seeing you and he couldn't help the somersault his heart did when you smiled softly at him before disappearing into the house to come to the door, at least he hoped so.

the male took another step back, precisely a second before you opened the door just enough to peek out.

your eyes met his and for a brief moment, it was just the two of you before you broke the silence.

“azriel? what are you-?”

“it's been three days.” azriel simply replied like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

you were alright and that was good, but he still didn't know why you just disappeared.

there was a hint of confusion in your eyes. whatever he was trying to say, you clearly didn't understand.

“ahm, i. . .i don't understand.” you tilted your head slightly to the side, something you usually do subconsciously but that always provokes something in him.

the male took a deep breath, his fists clenched at his sides with his knuckles turning white.

“you haven't been to the house of wind for three days. you just disappeared without saying anything and that's not okay. you can't-”

“azriel-” you opened your mouth to explain but was quickly interrupted.

“don't,” he said firmly, his tone leaving no room for arguing “you can't just disappear like that. if you're mad at me, then just say it. say it, scream it, hit it, anything.”

he climbed two steps of the stone stairs, being at your eye level now, “do whatever you want but not this. don't disappear on me without a word.”

you stared into his hazel eyes for a moment—a moment of silence and contemplation.

his reaction took you by surprise, you had never seen him react like that about anyone—not even his brothers.

you couldn't ignore the confusion you felt from his words but you could feel his worry and fear.

you waited a few more seconds until you were sure that the male in front of you was calmer and there were no signs of him interrupting you again.

“azriel,” you said calmly with a small hint of a smile in the corners of your lips “i'm not mad at you or avoiding you.”

the male, stubborn as always, crossed his arms over his chest and raised an eyebrow. his way of saying he was waiting for an explanation and that he wasn't leaving without one.

you let out a small, almost imperceptible chuckle and shook your head.

this male was unbelievable.

“i'm sick,” you said, looking at him and seeing his broody expression falter a little.

“. . .what?” he asked quietly.

his answer made you smile and you couldn't help the laugh that followed or the coughing fit as a result of the laugh.

“i caught the flu a few days ago but i sent a letter to rhys to inform him.” you explained.

azriel's eyebrows furrowed in the middle of his forehead. this information was unknown to him—why hadn't rhys told him when he went to his house to ask for you?

“you're sick?”

you opened the door and stepped forward to reveal your appearance.

your hair was tied up in a nearly undone braid, you were wearing white polar pajamas with brown teddy bears and a red blanket was over your shoulders.

there were dark circles under your eyes and your nose was slightly red.

his eyes softened and the male found himself fighting a smile that wanted to form on his lips.

his worry vanished and was immediately replaced by a sense of protection and caring.

even though you were sick, you looked beautiful and especially adorable in your teddy bear pajamas.

azriel couldn't hold it in and let out a chuckle, “you look adorable in those pajamas.”

a blush began to form on your cheeks, leaving you slightly flushed but you were quick enough to blame the cold for it.

as you cleared your throat, you wrapped the blanket tighter around you, your only barrier against the cold of the street “you can let rhys know that i'm better but it will take me a few more days to return to work.”

azriel climbed the last steps, his figure now towering over you.

you tilted your head up to meet his eyes—the ones you would often get lost.

the male placed a hand on your cheek, his scars caressing your soft skin, making your heart skip a beat at the gesture as those hazel eyes studied you.

“i don't care about your work. i care about you," he said as his thumb caressed your cheek in a slow rhythm, “i'm not leaving until you get better.”

butterflies formed in your stomach, and your skin was on fire. suddenly, you were very aware of all the sensations that were invading you and the cold was no longer one of them.

“i. . .i’m already feeling better-” you tried to say before he interrupted you—again.

“that's not what i meant and you know it.” he looked above your head and into your hallway before his gaze returned to your face “can i come in?” he asked.

“please say yes” his begged in his mind.

the caress of his thumb made you wake up from the trance you were in and very quietly, you replied “the flu is contagious, azriel. i don't want you to-”

your sentence was interrupted—once again—by azriel's hand grabbing the back of your neck and gently pulling you forward until your body was flushed against his.

his other hand found the curve of your waist, placing it there with an open palm.

azriel closed the distance, placing his lips on yours.

your cheeks heated up and a tingling sensation ran up your spine, making your skin even hotter.

your blanket fell to the floor, the tips of your feet lifted slightly and your hands found a place on his arms.

your mouths moved in sync as azriel deepened the kiss, one that was gentle and tender.

the kiss lasted a few seconds, sending a silent message that azriel had no intention of leaving your side anytime soon.

the male finished with a small peck to yours lips before pulling away, his hand on your waist gave you a soft squeeze while his other hand came to tilt your chin.

his hazel eyes locked on your greens and with a smirk curving his lips, he asked quietly, like you were the only two people in the world “i'm afraid i'm infected now. will you let me in and take care of you or. . .” his eyes fell on your lips “do i have to kiss you again?”

your mouth was slightly open as you studied his features, your mind still trying to process what had just happened but you managed to nod.

azriel chuckled, his fingers letting go of your chin to trace your jawline.

“to which one of my questions is that nod for?”

you opened your mouth to speak but could only manage incoherent words, before you lowered your head to hide your blush again and step aside, inviting him silently to come in.

azriel chuckled, his heart swelling with affection for you. he leaned down to pick up your blanket and wrapped it around your form, his gesture both protective and maybe a little possessive “here you go, love.”

when he stepped in, he guided you inside as well, placing a hand on the small of your back.

he made sure to close the door quietly behind you, shutting out the world and making it just the two of you for the moment, taking this moment to calm his jumping heart from what he just did.

the male turned back to you and watched as you walked inside, his gaze lingering on you as you settled on the couch.

his heart clenched at the sight of you in your teddy bear pajamas, this was the first time in all the years he had known you that he had seen you in such a vulnerable state.

he looked around, inspecting your home. small but comfortable, just like you.

azriel walked over to the couch, gently grabbing your legs and helping you lay down.

he took a brown blanket that was on the back of your reading chair and covered you with it, tucking the blanket around you and making sure you're warm and comfortable.

he leaned down to kiss you on the forehead, “rest and let me take care of you. i'm going to make you some soup, okay?”

“okay, thank you.”

azriel smiled and walked towards the kitchen and started to gather everything he needed.

as he started preparing your soup, he would occasionally look towards you, making sure you were alright.

his eyes softened at the sight of you sick, you looked so small and defenseless on the couch, making his heart clench.

he had to fight against the urge to pull you in his arms and lay with you, tried to tell himself that this was all because of you being sick and that he was just worried.

but deep down, he knew that wasn't true. seeing you like this triggered something within him.

suddenly, realization dawned on him, causing him to roll his eyes as he realized why rhys had lied to him about your situation.

not even after he was married and had a child, his brother would stop meddling in his love life.

bastard.

as if his brother could sense it, azriel could swear he heard a laugh in his mind.

ignoring it, he focused on the task at hand, and made sure to make your favorite soup.

twenty minutes later, azriel picked up the bowl with a slice of bread on the side and walked towards the couch.

he maneuvered the bowl in one hand while using his other to lift your legs and placing them on his lap as he sat down.

you sat up a little straighter, ready to pick up the bowl but the scene in front of you stopped you.

you watched as azriel gently blew on the spoon to cool the soup before holding the spoon out to you.

your eyes traveled between his face and the spoon. you raised an eyebrow as if to say 'seriously?'

“what? i don't want you to get your hands cold.” azriel said with a small smile, bringing the spoon closer to your mouth.

you shook your head and smiled before giving in, you couldn't lie that it felt nice to have someone to take care of you.

you tucked your hands underneath the blanket again and opened your mouth.

“mmm, it's delicious.”you said as you enjoyed the tomato soup accompanied by a slice of bread, just the way you like it.

“how did you know i like tomato soup? and that i always eat it with a slice of bread?” you asked before opening your mouth for another spoonful.

“i pay attention,” azriel answered, already grabbing another spoonful.

“right. mr spymaster always paying attention to the little details.” you joked before noticing the seriousness in his face.

“that too, but i meant i pay attention to you.” he said, making your throat dry.

you cleared your throat before pointing at the small coffee table in the center of your living room “water, please.”

azriel chuckled but did as you asked.

after helping you with the water and the rest of your soup, azriel helped you with your medicine before helping you laid down on the couch again and tucking the blankets around you.

he did the dishes, and started to prepare some tea for later.

he added more firewood to the fireplace before his eyes landed on you again.

finally, he couldn't help himself any longer and gave the green light to his thoughts.

he took off his coat and placed it on the back of the chair before taking off his boots and placing them next to the door where your shoes were also.

the difference between his boots and your sandals didn't go unnoticed by him, drawing a smile from him.

azriel, then, moved towards the couch, hovering over you.

you looked up at him, a slight pout on your lips “i can't seem to get comfortable.”

azriel chuckled and reached for the blankets “i think i can help with that.”

he moved the blankets off before helping you to sit and laid himself down on the couch, his back against the fabric of it.

he then pulled you forward without warning, making you lay on top of him.

he reached for your red blanket, leaving the other one on the floor, covering you both with it.

the moment your body collided with his, you immediately relaxed.

you nuzzled your face against his chest a few times, before closing your eyes and letting out a sigh.

one of his hands went to the back of your head while he leaned slightly down to kiss your forehead.

after you were both settled, his hands fell to your back, one of them going under your pajama shirt and rubbing it softly.

“rest, i'm here and i’m not going anywhere.” he said softly, his lips falling to your hair.

with your eyes closed you smiled, exhaustion taking over your body.

moments before your mind was off, you managed to let out such simple but so meaningful words “i love you, az.”

azriel's heart stopped for a second before it started beating again.

he had loved you since the moment rhys had ordered him to travel to illyria when one of the camp lord's sent a letter about how a young female was wreaking havoc in his camp because they refused to train her.

every day since then, he waited and prayed for you to feel the same.

and, now, here it was, what he most wanted in this world.

he always thought he would be the first to give in and confess his feelings to you but apparently you had anticipated him.

“i love you more,” he whispered softly while wrapping his wings around the two of you, but you were already asleep.

but that was okay.

he would tell you again tomorrow and every single day after that.

after all, he wasn't going anywhere.

a/n: thank you for reading!

*if you asked to be tagged and you weren't, it's because i couldn't find your blog.

dividers by @cafekitsune

#acotar #acotar fandom #azriel #azriel shadowsinger #azriel x reader #acotar fanfiction #acotar fic

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really-fanny-longbottom · 3 months ago

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oh my god!!! thank you much!!! this made me so happy!!! ❤️❤️❤️

never yours

summary: azriel never regretted his decisions so much like he does right now.

warnings: angst (like a lot), fluff (also a lot because we need a balance)

pairings: azriel x reader, azriel x elain, lucien x reader

words: 6k

you were born in day court during the longest and the warmest day of the year — summer solstice.

even though it's not a custom to exchange gifts on that holiday, your parents always told you that you were their greatest gift and that the sun shined brighter that day like he knew that you would be entering this world very soon.

your father was helion's best and longest friend, and he had a place in his court as his second in command and advisor.

your mother was the lead healer of the court. she was one of the most powerful and talented healers of prythian, being a very close second to madja.

due to your parents' jobs, you grew up in the day court palace and close to helion, who didn't just happen to be your high lord but also your godfather.

your parents reconsider that maybe making helion your godfather had been a mistake because of how much he spoiled you.

on your 4th birthday, he gave you a black baby pegasus as a present, which you decided to name him blackjack.

when he discovered that you liked reading, he had a private library built in your room with all kinds of books.

when you were seven and heard an old male saying that females should only wear dresses, you only wore pants for the next three months and of course, helion made sure you had every type of pants at your disposal.

when your parents tried to scold him, he just scoffed with his only response being, 'she's my goddaughter. what else am i supposed to do?' with a big grin plastered in his face.

you weren't helion's child, but he always treated you like one, and that never changed, especially after your parents' death.

your favorite thing about your parents was their mating bond. after you learned that mates are rare and a blessing, it made every single thing about your parents' love even more unique and pure.

you saw first hand what true love is really like. you saw how much they loved, cared, supported, and protected each other.

you saw loyalty and honesty in their deepest forms. seeing your parents' mating bond made you wish to the stars for a mate, and that one day, you would be blessed enough to find him.

but you also saw how deep a mating bond could go — you saw it first hand, too.

you saw it when your mother died after getting infected by a rare disease while trying to help her patients.

her death destroyed your father. the pain and the grief of losing your mother — his mate, and the love of his life were so big that your father followed her into the next life a few days later, so they could start their next journey together.

before he died, your father made helion promise him that he would take care of you, which he agreed without hesitation.

he became more protective of you. he couldn't stop thinking how unfair it was for you to lose your parents at such a young age, only eleven years old, when helion had them for centuries.

your godfather made sure to provide you with anything you needed from the best education to the best clothes, and when your healing powers start manifesting and you decide to follow your mother's steps, helion called in a favor to thesan to see if he could teach you himself.

the high lord of dawn was happy to accept, and so were you at the thought of having him as your teacher.

you moved to dawn court for a year where you learned everything about being a healer, not only with the high lord himself but also with his best healers.

you became one of the best — talented, powerful, gifted, and wise. just like your mother.

madja was looking for an apprentice at the time you returned to day, and when she heard about your skills, she asked for you.

rhysand reached out to helion with madja's offer — you would be her apprentice, work in the clinic with her but you would also assist her if she ever needed to go to a patient's residence, and would learn everything she could teach you.

it wasn't needed to convince you to agree. you had heard about madja and her healing, after thesan, she was the healer you wanted to work with the most, so of course you were more than happy to have a chance to have her as your mentor.

rhysand added that you would be welcome to stay in one of his personal residences, the house of wind, during your stay in velaris.

you were only supposed to stay in the night court for a year, but that was before you met the shadowsinger.

however, despite wanting the apprenticeship more than anything, if you had known what would happen when you agreed to go to the night court, you would never have accepted the offer.

•••

azriel couldn't sleep.

no matter how much he tried, he couldn't. not with tomorrow so close, not when he knew what was waiting for him in the morning.

the past was haunting him tonight, his thoughts hadn't stopped since he had been informed earlier of tomorrow's meeting.

so now, here he was, trying to keep his eyes open even though his body was protesting for him to do the opposite.

but he was fighting that need because every time he closed his eyes, you were all he saw.

your beautiful face with your sparkling eyes, your smooth hair, your pointy ears, your sweet voice, and your soft laughter.

you were haunting his thoughts like a punishment for all those years ago.

so all he could do now was to sit on the edge of his balcony with his legs hanging off while waiting for the sun to be born, and remember how things used to be before he destroyed everything.

•••

everything was perfect in the beginning.

velaris was beautiful, the people were kind, and the pastries were absolutely delicious.

the only thing you actually missed, besides helion, was the warmth of the sun like no other court had but the day court — that was just the day citizen in you talking.

your apprenticeship was going amazing. you and madja had instantly connected, and you were learning so much.

two weeks later, you were already attending your own patients without supervision.

you really had a gift, and every time madja complimented your powers, you gave all the credits to your genes — to your mom.

it warmed your heart knowing that the mother had blessed you with this part of her. In this way, it felt like she was always with you.

the house of wind felt just like home, and you adjusted perfectly.

the inner circle had welcomed you with open arms, and you got along with everyone. they thought you and mor would be the closest of all, but they got a big surprise when it turned out to be you and azriel.

the shadowsinger was different from everyone you ever met.

everyone in day was so loud, extroverted and open.

but not him.

he was calm, reserved, and difficult to read, but with time, you ended up finding out that the two of you were more alike than you thought. you were able to go through the shell that azriel had so perfectly built around him over the centuries.

a friendship was born.

every day, qzriel would fly you to the clinic and then back to the house. you explored velaris together and made your personal mission to try every single restaurant and bakery from the city of starlight.

you walked along the sidra and even stopped once in a while to dance along the melodies that the musicians were playing. you would read together whether that was in the library, in your room, or in his. you even started training with him and sometimes, cassian.

you became each other's person.

when a day at the clinic was hard or you would lose a patient, he was there to hug and comfort you, and you found yourself doing the same for him about his missions.

so you decided to take the next step and spoke about your parents' death, how much still affected you losing them.

and in that moment, azriel realized how much trust you put in him, so he decided to return it and opened about his past, his family, and his hands. you listened to every word, cleaned every tear, and held him for as long as he needed.

tou found yourself falling in love with him a little more day by day, and it only took you a few months to realize that you were completely in love.

the day the bond snapped was one of the happiest days of your life.

it happened during the most beautiful celebration in the night court — starfall.

your hair was tied in a long braid that reached down to your waist, decorating the braid were small yellow daylilies.

you were wearing a golden dress that fit perfectly against your sun-kissed skin. the dress had a slit on the left side that went up to the top of your thigh, a single strap held the dress on your right shoulder and when you turned around, whoever was behind you could have a perfect view of your naked back.

golden jewels rested on your ears and neck.

you looked like a goddess — one blessed by the sun itself.

you were shining just like a day court citizen should.

azriel standed next to you in the balcony while gazing at the spirits passing.

both of your hands rested on the stone of the balcony, and when you went to adjust your hand, it brushed against azriel's.

at the new feeling, you looked up to find his eyes, only to see the shadowsinger already looking at you.

in that moment, with the touching of your hands and the meeting of your eyes, the world stopped.

your hands start interviewing, and everything else just disappeared.

it was just the two of you and the sound of your heartbeats. and then, a golden thread appeared and started tying your hearts and souls.

azriel held your free hand and pressed it against his own chest, right where his heart laid.

you followed his action, freeing your intertwined hands and putting his hand on your chest, above your heart.

with the final loop of the golden thread around your hearts, azriel bent down and kissed you.

that moment couldn't be more beautiful and magical even if you tried.

you had finally found the mate that you had wished to the stars all those years ago.

everything was perfect.

you had everything you wanted and more.

you lived in a beautiful city that you learned to love and were starting to call it home.

you had the job of your life, working alongside one of your idols.

amazing friends that made you feel welcomed and part of a little family.

and finally, your mate, the male you were in love with, long before that beautiful and sacred golden thread.

everything was perfect.

but of course, nothing lasts forever.

and all of that disappeared when elain archeron came into the picture.

•••

ten years.

he couldn't believe that much time had passed. all those years without you.

it had been ten years since the last time he saw you.

ten years since he had heard something regarding you.

ten years since he had broken your heart.

and ten years since he had made the biggest mistake of his entire existence.

you had moved back to day court after that day, after what happened and after what he did.

the high lord of day had forbidden azriel from seeing you and from trying to contact you in any way.

and months later, when the rumors of a certain shadowsinger flying above the palace in hopes to get a glimpse of you reached his ears, helion banned him from his court.

helion had always been a very charismatic and loving person.

he's kind, generous, and a very good friend. He gets along with almost everyone, always joking around and laughing.

some people may say that he's the nicest and kindest high lord that prythian has ever seen.

when problems arise, he always tries to find a solution to solve them or if a solution is not possible, a way to improve them.

but not this time.

not when it comes to you and his son — Lucien.

because your heart wasn't the only one to be shattered that day.

no.

lucien's heart was a victim, too.

so, from that moment, everything that helion did was to protect you and lucien.

to make sure that you felt safe, that you had space and time to heal.

azriel's banishment wasn't the only consequence from the events of that day.

that day also cost the alliance between the day court and the night court, and when the alliance fell apart, so did helion and rhysand's friendship.

but azriel wasn't the only one to blame for all of this.

elain archeron was guilty, too.

she, too, was banished from the day court and forbidden to contact lucien in any way.

but unlike azriel, elain's actions cause far more consequences than his.

the autumn court followed the same decisions as the day court.

the banishment of azriel and elain and the prohibition of any kind of contact with lucien.

eris, now the new high lord of the autumn court after beron's death, didn't take lightly to what happened to his little brother.

the two of them had reconnected after eris became high lord.

they talked through everything that had happened in the last centuries, made peace with their past, and decided to move forward together.

now, the brothers were inseparable and had the kind of relationship they had always wanted since they were younger.

so when eris heard what had happened, he considered those actions as a personal attack.

he went as far as to offer lucien the opportunity to choose the blood duel, which his little brother refused, saying that all of this had already caused enough pain.

eris wasn't angry just because of lucien.

he was angry because of you, too.

you were the first person to give him the benefit of the doubt, the first one to not judge him and unlike the others you tried to get to know him, to be his friend and he let you.

6ou were the first one to know the real eris, to know what he hid behind the mask.

therefore, you had a special place in his heart. even if you didn't share the same blood, you were part of his family.

but that didn't stop with day and autumn. spring joined them, too.

despite everything that happened and the fact that they were still working on their friendship, tamlin's loyalty remained with lucien.

spring had been lucien's home for decades, and with that came a brotherhood between the two of them.

needless to mention that jurian and vassa's loyalties also remained with lucien.

to everyone outside the situation, all of this may seem overreacted and exaggerated.

but to everyone involved, it's not.

after all, you and lucien almost died.

that's what happens when a mating bond is rejected.

•••

azriel couldn't believe things had turned out this way.

he was so sure that the cauldron was wrong, that he belonged with Elain.

three sisters for three brothers.

how more poetic could it be?

there were signals everywhere.

feyre with rhysand.

nesta with cassian.

elain with him.

elain wouldn't go close to lucien or talk to him, but she would sit next to him whether during dinners or on the couch, she would talk to him, and requested his company when she went to the garden or to the city.

even his shadows disappeared every time he was with her.

weren't those signals clear enough?

they were meant to be.

the cauldron was wrong.

so azriel did what he thought was right.

he rejected the mating bond with you, and elain did the same with lucien.

he never thought that the rejection of the bond would've almost cost your life.

that memory still gave him nightmares to this day.

how pale you turned, how you sank to your knees with your hand pressed against your chest, tears running free down your cheeks and muffled screams leaving your lips.

how much pain you had suffered and how he had been the cause of it.

how once, not that long ago, he had been the reason for your smiles, laughs, and giggles.

but that memory wasn't his.

it was rhysand's.

rhys, who had to go through your mind shields, and knock you unconscious so the pain would stop and that memory led him to another memory.

the memory of that day and the things that had followed after he shattered your heart.

•••

azriel wasn't there the moment it happened.

no, he was too busy kissing elain after admitting how much they craved each other.

and while he kissed elain, he felt that golden thread tying the two of you breaking and start slowly to disappear.

nothing could have prepared him for that last memory of you when he and elain were summoned to the river house a few hours later.

rhys had shown him not as a courtesy but as a lesson of how much his actions can affect others.

but you weren't just some other.

you were his mate — former mate.

azriel made a move to go find you.

he needed to explain it to you, and he needed you to understand, but you were already gone.

rhys told him that after you regained consciousness, lucien took you with him back to day court.

lucien.

who you had become instantly friends with since the male's arrival in velaris.

you had treated him just like you were when you moved to the night court.

you showed him the city, the good restaurants and the best pastries, and also told him about Helion, now that he knew the high lord was his father and he was his heir.

you wanted him to feel like home, just like you did.

when Azriel made his intentions clear to go to day and find you, rhys showed him the letter helion had sent.

the one that forbidden him from seeing you and from trying to contact you in any way.

the one that also had the same indications to elain regarding lucien.

and that if any of them tried to disobey his orders, there would be consequences.

azriel knew of protective the male was of you and that he would do anything to protect his family, so for a split second, azriel found himself fearing the high lord.

rhysand also ordered them to stay away from the two of you, stating that they had already created enough problems and the night court could not afford a war with day.

after they left his office, rhys sat down on his chair, trying to think how he was gonna solve this.

his mind kept going back to you and lucien.

he was there when lucien came for you.

the red headed male was also pale and every few minutes, his hand would press to his chest in pain, his eyes were still red, probably from the tears he had shed.

rhys knew that Helion's letter wouldn't be the only one he would receive that day.

and like he was right, three more letters arrived during it.

first from autumn, then spring and the last one from the band of exiles.

rhys passed a hand through his black hair and released a long sigh.

azriel and elain actions had just cost four allies to the night court.

•••

when you and lucien arrived in day, helion almost fell to his knees at your sight.

you were in lucien's arms, your eyes half open with tears still following down your cheeks.

one of your hands was against your chest, rubbing small circles in a way of trying to get rid of the pain.

lucien wasn't much better.

helion headed towards you and started examining you for injuries, but he found nothing.

when confusion made his way to his features, Lucien told him everything.

the confusion was replaced by anger, but the anger wasn't just directed towards the shadowsinger and the middle archeron sister.

some of it was towards himself.

towards himself, because seeing you like that, helion felt that he had broken the promise he made to your dad and that this was his fault.

without giving time for any more thoughts to fill his mind, helion led lucien to your room, where the heir laid you on the bed.

you had fallen asleep in his arms with your cheeks still stained.

lucien sat on the chair by your desk that was placed in front of your bed and said to Helion that he would stay with you.

helion gave him a firm nod, remembering that lucien didn't have a room yet in his palace, but he was about to fix that.

helion didn't waste any time after making sure that the two of you were okay for now.

he called two of his servants to prepare a room for the young heir and went straight to his office where he wrote the letter and sent it to rhysand.

the next week's were a complicated ones but showed that time was the best healer.

you no longer spend the days locked in your room alone.

you started to eat properly again and went back to work.

day by day, you were smiling more, sometimes making jokes.

lucien improved as well.

he decided to live in the day court for the time being and took his place as helion's second in command.

his relationship with helion was also getting stronger over time.

they were making up for the lost time.

but that wasn't the only thing that changed. your relationship with lucien also changed.

you got closer than ever, due to the fact you were the only ones who knew what the other was going through.

you found comfort in each other's presence and started spending more time together to the point where you became each other's favorite person.

little by little, you start helping each other heal.

you started putting back together the pieces that had been broken, and the pain started slowly fading until the day that it didn't hurt anymore.

you two mended your hearts and souls, and for the first time, in a long time, you were full again.

your friendship grew, and so did your feelings for each other.

•••

azriel couldn't believe how wrong he had been.

because the cauldron wasn't wrong, it had never been wrong.

he was the one who was wrong — right from the beginning.

he and elain had tried a relationship after yours and lucien's departure.

it worked for six months until it didn't.

azriel questioned himself why the relationship was starting to fail and why being with elain was starting to feel wrong.

it didn't take him too long to understand the reason. It was because she wasn't you.

he found out that the reason his shadows disappear every time he was with elain wasn't because they were destined but because they were with you.

his shadows would leave him and elain to go find you, like they were stating that they wouldn't betray you, that they chose you.

on the day he broke up with elain, he found his shadows in your old room, which once was filled with colors, books, paintings, and light, and now was empty, dusty, and dark.

the shadows were swimming around your starfall dress — the one you wore on the day your bond had snapped.

the sight of the dress was painful, and he understood why it had been left behind.

azriel had tried to apologize.

he flew to day court and around the palace trying to find you but he never did and the next day helion sent a letter with his and elain's banishment, making autumn and spring to make the same decision.

he understood why.

they were trying to protect you and lucien, and even though he didn't have the right, he just wanted to know if you were okay.

he asked rhys several times if he knew something about you, and thys revealed to him that you weren't talking to him or the other members of the inner circle either.

you had stated that it was too early and still very painful.

so they respected your decision and kept their distance.

that had caused azriel's guilt to grow even more.

how he wished for nesta to still have her powers so he could go back in time and repair all of this.

the light of the sun broke his thoughts.

the sun was finally making its appearance in the orange and yellow sky.

azriel released a long breath and looked at the clock perched on his bedroom wall.

the morning was here, and he was only two hours away from seeing you.

•••

the inner circle stood at the entrance of the day court palace.

helion had lifted the banishment for this meeting with yours and lucien consent.

both of you said that it had been a long time and that the past should stay in the past, but that didn't mean you would be accepting any apologies today.

koschei was on the rise again, and prythian needed to come together once more.

right now, your past didn't matter.

the doors swung open, and the inner circle made their way inside.

a servant led them to the conference room located in the same hallway as helion's office on the first floor of the palace.

they sat at the marble table while the servant informed them, "the high lord will be here in a few minutes."

receiving a nod and a 'thank you' from rhysand, the servant left.

rhys started, "y/n and lucien will also be in this meeting. now, helion was nice enough to allow the two of you back here, so do not ruin this."

he finished while looking at azriel and elain, making them both nod their heads.

helion entered the room, and the inner circle raised from their seats.

the high lord of the day court made his way to the head of the table.

he turned to the side where rhys and his inner circle stood, offering his hand to rhys to shake it.

taken by surprise, rhys needed a few seconds to process what was happening before accepting his hand.

once they had shaken hands, everyone returned to their seats, but not before helion sent a disapproving look in azriel's and elain's direction.

a few minutes into the meeting, the door to the conference room opened again.

and there you were.

you were dressed in day attire. a beautiful white dress that hugged your body, with your hair loosen and golden jewelry adorned your neck and ears.

lucien was by your side also wearing day attire, one that matched helion's, with your hand in his.

the inner circle held their breaths at your sight.

it had been ten years, but all the memories came flashing back to them.

you looked the same, but when you two approached the table, that's when they saw it and shock spread all over their faces.

azriel couldn't believe what he was seeing.

he didn't know what he was expecting to see at this meeting, but it wasn't this.

it wasn't the golden ring that you and lucien had matching on your left hands informing him that you were married that shocked him.

it was the small and round belly that your free hand was resting on and the sweet vanilla scent that was filling the air — the scent of yours and lucien's baby.

"apologies for our delay," lucien started, then looking in your direction with a smile continued "someone had a big appetite this morning," he ended with a laugh.

you looked at his gaze, a genuine smile on your lips "shut up," you whispered.

lucien grabs the back of your chair, pulling it to give you enough space to sit. "thank you, my love."

you said while watching him take the seat at your right, making you stay seated between him and Helion.

for the first time since you entered the room, you looked at the people in front of you. "night court," you greeted with a small smile.

feyre was the first to say, "congratulations, y/n and lucien."

lucien spoke this time. "thank you, feyre." he rested his hand on your belly.

"how far long are you?" rhysand's voice reached your ears.

looking in his direction, you answered, "23 weeks. lucien thinks it's a girl, but i think it's a boy," you added, making rhys smile.

"i always took you for a boy mom." amren's voice surprised you and couldn't help but smile at her words.

"congratulations to you two. the mother knows you deserve it." she finished with a genuine smile.

lucien looked at azriel and elain before directing his eyes to the ancient one "yes, we do. thank you, amren."

lucien paused for a second before turning in helion's direction and continuing. “let's not keep holding on to the meeting. please go on, father."

helion proceeded with the meeting, but azriel didn't listen to a word that was said.

he couldn't tear his eyes from you and lucien.

there was no doubt of the love you two shared, not when it was written in both of your eyes.

he didn't miss Lucien caresing your belly and pushing a strand of hair behind your ear, passing his thumb over your jaw, and kissing your cheek after.

or how you rested your right hand on top of his on your belly while your left passed through his long red hair before resting around his shoulders and your smile while doing it.

what bigger proof did he need of your love if not for the baby you were carrying?

lucien's baby, he kept telling himself.

not his.

lucien's.

jealousy invaded his body, but there was nothing he could do.

he made his decision ten years ago, and now he had to live with it.

lost in his thoughts, he only realized the meeting was over when everyone started standing.

rhys and helion were finishing talking, and when the doors opened one more time, eris vanserra walked in with a little ginger boy in his arms.

he couldn't be more than five years old.

he looked exactly like lucien, except for his eyes — those were yours.

azriel's heart sank, and it sank even more a few seconds later, when the little boy spotted you and lucien.

you already had a baby and you were about to have your second.

with a big smile appearing on his sweet face, the little boy almost shouted, "mommy! daddy!"

the boy jumped from his uncle's arms and ran to you.

you bend down and gather the happy boy in your arms before standing again and passing a hand through his ginger curls and saying, "hi, baby."

you peppered his face with kisses, making him laugh even more. "i thought you were having fun with your uncle," you said, looking at your brother in law.

your son pouted “uncle eris doesn't know how to play. he only wants to do the boring stuff, mommy.”

everyone in the room chuckled. eris gasped with fake hurt “excuse me?”

“elijah.” lucien chuckled and said to your son after joining your side “don't be rude to your uncle.”

“but it’s the truth, daddy.” elijah hid his face on your neck.

eris approached the little family with a smile directed to his nephew. "sorry. i tried to keep him entertained, but he just kept asking about you two."

lucien noticed his older brother had paint and glitter on his white shirt and laughed at the thought of his son giving him a hard time before exclaiming, "it's alright, brother. we were about to leave anyway."

the little boy settled in your arms and rested his head against yours, lucien started rubbing his back.

when the little boy caught the sight of his grandfather, he asked before anyone could stop him "grandpa, how was the meeting with the idiots from the night court?"

the room went quiet, and a few gasps escaped.

at your son's words, you turned to look at Helion, now on mom's mood. "helion! how many times do we have to tell you not to speak like that in front of him?"

the room erupted in laughter at your statement.

the air became lighter, and helion put his hands in surrender, promising you that it wouldn't happen again.

you gave him an incredulous look, saying that you didn't believe him.

your son wrapped his tiny arms around your neck and rested his head on your shoulder with a yawn leaving his lips.

you rubbed your son's back while speaking to him. "C'mon, elijah. let's leave before your grandfather comes up with a new bad word for you to learn."

“bad grandpa” your son agreed with you while earning new chuckles from the night court.

even though he was trying to hold his smile, azriel failed. your son was too adorable.

you turned your gaze to the inner circle and gave them a smile. "it was good to see you all."

"you too, y/n. i missed you." cassian replied.

your smile stretched before telling him, "i missed you too, cass."

the nickname made his heart ache — maybe there's still a chance for you to reconnect.

you turned to look behind you, meeting your husband's eyes "you're coming, lu?"

a pink blush made its way to lucien's cheeks "of course, my love."

the heir looked at his father, "we'll see you at dinner, father. night court." he said, giving the inner circle a small nod before joining you and wrapping his arm around your waist and giving a kiss to your now sleeping son.

amren spoke again “see i told you were a boy mom.”

“you're right. if this baby happens to be a boy as well, i'm gonna be in trouble.” you replied with an arm holding your son and while the other made its way to your belly.

“no, you're not. you're gonna be great.” nesta spoke, a genuine smile on her lips “we already can see you are.” she gestured to the little boy sleeping in your arms.

“thank you, nes.” you were grateful for her words.

on your way out, you met azriel's eyes, but you couldn't find the words, so you simply gave him a nod with a small smile, and azriel returned the gesture.

when the door closed, amren was the first to break the silence "well, the mother has a sense of humor."

everyone turned to look at her, but she focused her gaze on azriel and elain.

"you rejected them because you believed you belonged with one another only for your relationship to fail six months later. and now," she released a laugh, "your former mates found their way towards each other. fell in love, got married, have a son, and have another baby on the way. ironic isn't it?" she said with the feline smile returning to her lips.

it was helion who spoke next, amusement all over his face, "indeed. i guess karma is a bitch."

he sent a disapproving look one more time in the direction of the two people who almost cost him his family before exiting the room.

amren's and Helion's words stung, but azriel knew it was nothing but the truth. He realized in that moment that despite your life now and how things turned out, you would never forgive him.

he had lost you forever, and now he had to live with regret for the rest of his life.

after all, you were no longer his.

a/n: thank you for reading! i'm thinking in making a general taglist so if you wish to be added let me know.

masterlist

the beautiful dividers belong to @cafekitsune

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really-fanny-longbottom · 4 months ago

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Hi! I hope you are doing well

Just wanted to say I love the way you are writing!!! The angst built... It makes me feel it!!!

hi! i'm okay and i hope you are too!

thank you so much! i took a break from writing because the last few months have been a bit difficult and this just made my day.

i start writing again yesterday and i enjoyed it so much, so let's see how things go!

thank you so much for this, it made me so happy! thank you 🥹

#ask me anything #ask

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really-fanny-longbottom · 5 months ago

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thank you 🥹

only in my dreams [part three]

summary: the beginning of the end.

warnings: mentions of death, violence, abuse and burns.

pairings: azriel x reader, eris x reader

words: 8.9k

A feeling of numbness began to invade you from the top of your head to your toes.

As you closed your eyes and calmed your breathing, you felt your shattered heart one last time before focusing on your emotions and feelings and bringing them to the surface.

Realizing that it was impossible to reach all of them, you focused on those whose presence had become a habit and which had begun to suffocate you day after day.

Jealousy - upon seeing that Azriel's courtships were not intended for you.

Pain - realizing that the Spymaster eye's weren't looking for you the way yours did for him.

Insecurity - thinking that you will never be enough for the Shadowsinger that occupied your thoughts.

Sadness - understanding that you will never find yourself in the arms of the person you most want to hold you.

Broken heart - when you realize that the male you love will never love you back.

You let them emerge, and when they did, you let them swim back and forth as you dug your way through them looking for that little switch.

The switch that was about to solve all your problems. In a few moments, it would mend your heart and bind it with a steel chain around it, to prevent it from breaking again - from feeling again.

After digging your way for a few more seconds, the switch came into your reach and as you headed towards it, you noticed the darkness that surrounded it.

The darkness that would invade your veins and corrupt your heart - the price to pay.

By reaching for the switch with an invisible hand, you let the happy memories with your friends replay in your mind, granting one last wish to your aching heart.

It was while reliving those memories that you were hesitant about what you were about to do, seeing the good times you had spent with the friends that had become your family.

Nesta, Gwyn, Emerie, Rhys, Cass, Feyre, Mor and Amren - all their faces appeared in turns bringing a slight smile and a feeling of comfort.

But it shattered when the image of Azriel and Elain holding hands and exchanging smiles invaded your mind without permission.

You would never be her and he would never look at you that way.

That was your breaking point.

You wouldn't continue to suffer for a male who didn't even dedicate a second of his time to acknowledge you.

And just like the snap of a finger, the hesitation disappeared, anger replacing it, making the invisible hand reach out and finally complete its task.

With a simple click...

You turned it off.

And become darkness.

A storm was heading towards Prythian.

Black clouds haunted the sky, an immense darkness hid behind them, preparing to release its confined monsters at the right moment.

The Courts were dominated by gray — a consequence of the storm that was about to break.

The trees had lost their color; the flowers and food planted in the gardens stopped growing; the water in the rivers and seas was still, with no wave being formed; the animals had fled and a crushing cold forced every inhabitant to stay at home.

The sun was nowhere to be found.

With no explanation from the High Lords for what was happening, the inhabitants were left at their mercy to conjure one.

'This is the work of witches,' some said.

'Prythian is dying. It's the end of the world,' said others.

But the rumor that most circulated among the Courts? The rumor that many believed but were too afraid to say out loud? The rumor that due to fear was whispered between ears or past written in letters?

Someone had disturbed a powerful being, and this was the result of their wrath.

Now, Prythian was condemned to face their punishment.

The entire extension of Prythian seemed cursed, but no Court was worse than the Night Court.

Mainly Velaris.

All eyes that fell on the city would only take a second to identify it as the epicenter of the storm.

After all, that was where the 'curse' itself began.

Velaris was paused in time.

Flying over what was once vibrant and full of life, Velaris, Azriel, Cassian, and Rhys continued their search.

They flew through the empty streets, past the closed shops, with no sign that anyone lived there.

If the males didn't have the age they have, they would never have believed that this had once been the City of Starlight.

It all started four weeks ago.

Four weeks since Madja's drastic revelation about you.

Four weeks since the last time any of them had seen you.

You had disappeared without leaving any kind of trace.

While Amren, Nesta, and Feyre read all the books Helion had lent them about rare powers, Mor on the Continent trying to find someone who knew more about empaths, the males were tasked with finding you.

The brothers had already flown over the entire Night Court to try to find any trace of you - but without success.

It was as if you had simply evaporated.

They went as far as contacting Eris to find out if the Heir knew anything about you.

Although they didn't get any information regarding you, the males ended up discovering that Eris himself was looking for you.

Apparently, your news powers had reached the ears of Beron, awakening his interest in you.

Unfortunately, this wasn't the first time Beron had been interested in you.

News in Prythian never took long to reach all the Courts.

When the first rumor about an empath in Prythian emerged, all the High Lords were agitated, especially when that same empath was one of the members of Rhysand's Inner Circle.

Empaths were very rare, with only two recorded in the last twenty thousand years, so the extent of their powers and capabilities remained a mystery.

Rhysand had to set up a meeting and introduce you to the High Lords personally to prove you weren't a threat.

And you weren't. The High Lords saw firsthand what a caring, kind, and gentle person you were.

They saw your abilities as a healer and the purity in your eyes.

You were the epitome of kindness.

There was no reason to fear you.

Until now.

They could barely believe what you had become. It was as if the girl they had met decades ago had never existed.

As if it had been nothing more than a dream.

Helion was the first to find out about your situation when Rhysand came to him.

Rhysand will never forget how Helion said you must have suffered too much and too long in silence to be able to become what you became.

The warning that followed still haunted the male in his sleep 'Do not underestimate her, Rhysand. It's innocent and pure people like Y/N who can find the deepest darkness within themselves when motivated to do so. She may not have been a threat before, but she certainly is now.'

The truth that no one wanted to admit was that they were scared of you.

Scared of your new powers and what you would be able to do with them.

And now Beron was looking for you.

You were never a violent or aggressive person. In fact, in all the years since you joined the Inner Circle, they had never even seen you raise your voice.

But now...with your emotions turned off, and your powers, if Beron finds you and you feel threatened...

They weren't sure that Beron would come out alive from that confrontation.

They didn't know how far you would go to protect yourself, but there was one thing they knew: they needed to find you quickly.

On a distant illyrian mountain, in an unpopulated zone, an abandoned cabin had been improvised as a laboratory.

The cabin contained only three rooms: a bedroom, a bathroom, and a living room/kitchen.

This last room was the largest of the three, but due to all the tables that filled it, it gave the impression of being the smallest.

On the tables against the walls were various dried plants and flowers — in other words, dead.

You were sitting on a wooden stool in front of one of the tables in the center — that one was loaded with green plants and flowers with colors ranging from blue, red, and yellow.

Your eyes studied a sunflower while your hands surrounded it with a darkness they emitted.

You watched as the poison began to spread through it from the root to its petals — how it began to lose its color and wither with each passing second.

This has been your occupation for the last four weeks.

Ever since you discovered your new powers, you have dedicated yourself to learning about them.

All those sleepless nights, the days with little food in your stomach, the headaches, and the hours you spent sitting had been rewarded.

You could poison a entire plant or in a specific place of your choice, it could spread quickly or slowly, it could be deadly immediately or last for hours, you could remove the poison and bring the plant to its original state.

But the most interesting part? You had accidentally discovered during one of your experiments a few days ago that even after its death, you were able to control it.

That's what you had spent the last few days working on.

You believed this was the final step to achieving your full power.

You watched closely as the flower reached its final stage. You could feel its vitality fading away at your fingertips.

With one last movement of your hand, the flower reached its end.

Letting a few seconds pass, you took the opportunity to readjust yourself on the bench and stretch a little. You felt the muscles in your arms and back relax instantly.

You didn't know how long you had been sitting here working on the flower, but when you looked out the window and saw the light of a new day outside, you realized that a few hours had passed.

With your eyes finding the flower once more, you ignored the headache that was beginning to form on the right side of it, you had had many lately preceded by a bad night's sleep because of the nightmares that had invaded your mind for almost two weeks.

You had never had nightmares before, and these were mysterious. You couldn't understand them no matter how hard you tried.

You let go of that thought, pushing it deep into the back of your mind, and focused your attention on the task at hand and extended your hands towards the flower.

This was the moment of truth.

Slowly, with each rotation of your wrist, the flower started moving.

A big smile appeared on your face as you watched the flower move with the direction of your hands — following your lead.

Your attention shifted to your hands as you realized what was happening.

Your glow was changing color.

Transforming.

What used to be darkness was now a bright red.

The reach of your full power.

However, your moment of triumph was interrupted when your ears perked at the new sounds outside of the cabin.

Footsteps.

Several of them.

The cabin only had one entrance and one exit, and that was where the intruders were headed.

You knew exactly who they were. You knew they were looking for you. They had come very close to finding you the last time, forcing you to move.

Luckily for them, back then, your priority was learning your new powers, but this time? This time, you were irritated.

Your eyes didn’t leave the flower when the cabin door was kicked open and five Autumn soldiers burst into your small laboratory.

You had heard that Beron was looking for you, but you thought the male wouldn’t be stupid enough to send his soldiers to the Night Court — especially Illyria.

Apparently, you were mistaken.

The soldiers began shouting orders that you ignored.

Did Beron really think he could capture you? Use your powers as he pleased?

Without warning, the cabin door slammed shut, the hinges creaking.

The males' heads turned toward the sound faster than humanly possible, yet they dared not move when a melody followed — one that sounded like a lullaby.

With trembling hands and legs, the soldiers tried to maintain their composure as they turned in the opposite direction.

"Tell me," your voice rang out across the room, "Which one of you can winnow?"

There was a deadly tone in your voice, enough to send shivers down the males' spines and cause doubts in their beliefs.

Your voice was light, calm, and delicate like a siren's song luring its victims to their death.

In a matter of a second, regret settled in the eyes of the soldiers, too scared to even remember that they had been questioned.

When none of them responded, you moved just an inch on the stool, allowing the soldiers to see what you were doing.

Without making any noise or sudden movements, the males began to walk backwards slowly while they increased the strength with which they gripped their swords, their eyes still fixed on the scene they were witnessing — a dead flower being guided by the action of your hands that subjected it to what could only be described as the dance of death.

The noise of a soldier swallowing the lump in his throat reached your ears, the same one that made the wise decision in answering you. "All of us."

The small laugh you let out made them shrink.

"Well, that's perfect," you finally turned to them, "that way, I don't have to waste time guessing.”

Mouths dropped at the sight of you. The eyes that held nothing behind them, the long hair down to your waist, the simple long white dress you wore, your bare feet, and the smile that would scare away the bravest warriors.

Behind you, the flower continued to dance without ever stopping.

One of the soldiers gripped his sword tighter. “Wh...What...What's that supposed to mean?” his voice failed to hide the fear that was rising from him.

You stood up.

The soldiers backed away even more, their backs hitting the wall behind them.

"By the Cauldron..." one of them muttered.

Five too-fast heartbeats filled the silence of the room.

You smiled.

“I need you to deliver a message to Beron for me.”

The soldier, who was on the far left side, began to search for the doorknob at an unnatural speed.

The smell of fear was palpable in the air.

"Lucky for me that you all can winnow, but unlucky for you," you took another step, watching their faces change as they realized what was about to happen. "I only need one of you to deliver the message."

The last thing the soldiers saw was your eyes turning red before everything exploded.

Azriel didn't know how many hours he had been flying or how many laps he had already made over Velaris.

Lost in his thoughts, the male made the mistake of looking down.

He flew over a small, familiar house at the top of a street.

Inside the small house, there was an old healer with her face stained with tears and pain in her chest caused by a worrying heart.

The old healer was in the same position as the previous days. Sitting at the window in her living room, waiting for her beloved niece to return.

But with each passing day, Velaris grew grayer, taking a bit of the old female's hope with it.

Guilt struck his heart.

The last time he had seen Madja was five days ago.

Nuala and Cerridwen had prepared several casseroles to help the old female through what was the worst time of her life.

Feyre offered to take them, and Azriel and Cassian volunteered to help.

The Spymaster expected Madja to kick him out or release her anger on him, but she never did.

The healer welcomed him with open arms and prepared him some tea as thanks for his help. The suffering in her was visible; red eyes, low voice, bent posture, slumped shoulders, and several handkerchiefs soaked in tears on the living room table.

How could things have gotten to this point?

The promise Azriel made to himself flashed through his mind — he would bring you back into Madja's arms.

The movement of Cassian's wings broke his trance, and Azriel's eyes left the small house and resumed his flight.

Four weeks without any information.

The males even thought that you might have left the Night Court and gone to a different one.

But no wards had been passed, and they would know if anyone had passed them.

So wherever you were, you were still within the borders of their Court.

But where?

The brothers flew to meet each other, and when Rhys was preparing to speak, something happened.

A surge of power ripped through the Night Court with a red flash accompanying it.

The mountain and the ground shook, the water rattled, and somewhere, screams were torn from the throats of the citizens in their homes.

The males were sent straight to the ground, their wings and Illyrian strength not enough to keep them in the sky.

Azriel, Cassian, and Rhysand had to protect their eyes from the intensity of the flash while trying to remain stable on a shaking ground and ignoring the overwhelming feeling they felt as the wave of power passed by the entire Court.

So many thoughts ran through their minds.

What was happening? Was Prythian being attacked? Were the girls okay?

After a few more seconds, the flash began to diminish until it disappeared completely, leaving only the remains of something red all over the sky.

The mountains and the ground regained their stability and the rivers their calm.

As they raised their heads, the brothers saw what appeared to be red powder falling from the sky and towards the ground.

Cassian was the first to pick up a small amount and rub it between his thumb and index finger, trying to decipher what it could be.

With no answers, Cassian turned his attention to the males sitting next to him, checking for injuries, and noticed that they were both doing the same to him.

After checking that both they and the city were okay, the three of them took to the skies, and their eyes immediately found the source of the wave of power — Illyria.

The Illyrians would never attack them. They could be brutish and arrogant, but they were not stupid, leaving only one possible explanation.

"Y/N." Azriel whispered.

"It's her," Rhys confirmed as he stretched out his hand, where remnants of the red flash landed on it.

Shock did not fail to appear on the males' faces. None of them mentioned what they had just witnessed, but all three knew.

Your power has grown.

You were stronger. More powerful.

Cassian broke the silence, if his brothers weren't going to talk, then he would "She knows," a silent agreement hovered between them, It was only a matter of time before you found out about your new powers.

"What do you think she's doing with it?" A bad feeling invaded them at the General's words.

Something big was about to happen.

They all knew it.

"We should go back." Rhysand ignored his brother's words — he wasn't prepared for this conversation.

"What?" Azriel protested, his wings beating faster with the anticipation of going to look for you. "We finally know where she is, and you want to give up?"

"No one's giving up, Az," Cassian placed his hand on his shoulder, trying to calm him down, "but look around you. You just felt her power, and we've been flying for hours. We can't go to her like this."

Azriel removed his brother's hand from his shoulder, a bit harsher than he intended, but he couldn't stop the anger that filled every word of the scream he released next. "What, you think she's going to attack us?"

Cassian's wings lowered a little, and he didn't hide the look of defeat he felt nor the hurt it caused in his chest when he said what had to be said "I don't know."

Shock ran through the Shadowsinger's body, making him move away as if those words had burned him.

Cassian let out a small sigh before continuing, "That's not our Y/N, Az. We don't know what she's capable of, and we have to assume the worst-case scenario."

When Azriel tried to protest again, Rhys stopped him. "Cass is right. We'll be back in a few hours when we're recharged."

Azriel knew they were right, but the guilt that invaded him didn't let him rest so easily.

"Besides, we need to know if the girls are alright."

Azriel nodded. If Helion's words were truly true, if you now posed a threat, then they couldn't risk surprising you without being prepared.

That single thought hurt him more than a sword strike, but that was the new reality they faced.

The males resume their flights but with their destination being the House of Wind.

There was nothing they could do for now. All that was left for them was to wait.

Azriel looked back.

To the mountains where you were.

The mountains that hid you from him.

Or the mountains that protected him from you?

Eris Vanserra was having a long day, and there was no sign lurking that it was about to end.

As he walked through the halls of the Forest House, Eris let his mind wander to the meeting he had just left.

Beron had just made his alliance with Koschei and the mortal queen official, but that wasn't what bothered the young Heir.

His father had also told his council that his search for you was not over. Not even when the only soldier who had returned described word for word what had happened in Illyria.

The soldier's testimony did not have the same effect on the High Lord as it had on his council.

While the old males had shrunk in their seats at the description of your powers, Beron had moved closer as if to hear better.

A hand slammed down on the meeting table hard enough to stir the liquids in the crystal glasses that sat in front of each member.

"Speak, boy!" Beron demanded.

"She... She's different, High Lord. I've never seen anything like this before, not even with Hybern."

"Be specific! Do I look like someone who has the patience for riddles?"

"Death." The soldier said quietly, as if afraid that the walls might have ears.

Beron stood up from his seat at the revelation, curiosity gnawing at his body. Eris leaned back from his chair and gripped the arms of the chair in an attempt to soften the shock that this news had caused him, while Beron's council struggled to regain color in their faces.

"She looked like Death." The soldier finished before being dismissed.

When the door to the meeting room closed, the council erupted in screams.

The males of the council tried to dissuade Beron from his search for you but without success, as was to be expected.

His greed grew, as did his hunger for power. Now knowing what you were capable of, his desire to find you was now even greater, with the several soldiers who had left the Autumn Court with orders to find you as soon as the meeting ended as proof.

That was what bothered him. Not the change in your powers, not what happened with the soldiers — his soldiers — but your well-being.

But why?

He was beginning to think he had lost his mind.

Eris had even made the mistake of staying after the meeting ended to try to persuade his father to continue searching for you.

That had earned him the burn on his shoulder that he now bore.

What was going on with him?

Why hadn't you left his mind in these last few weeks?

His brain was telling him to ignore the situation and focus on the potential war with the Death God that was becoming more real with each passing day.

But his heart... his heart was telling him to write a letter to Rhysand asking about you. To know if they had found you yet or if they had any clues about you.

Anything to comfort him.

Little did he know that this would not be necessary because when he opened the double brown doors that led to his room, his eyes met those that appeared in his dreams.

There you were — sitting on his bed with one leg over the other in what looked like a tight black dress.

A smile formed on your lips as you stared at the male in front of you. "Did you miss me?"

"That was Y/N?" Nesta's voice was so low that if Cassian hadn't been right in front of her, he probably wouldn't have heard her.

"Yes." Cassian confessed to her as he witnessed the pain appearing in his mate's eyes.

Cassian didn't hesitate to wrap his arms around her.

This situation was difficult for everyone, but the General knew it was especially so for the female he was trying to comfort.

Your relationship with Nesta was different from everyone else's. It had started out as rocky as a bad day, but just as bad days never last forever, neither did your beginning.

Before you knew it, you and Nesta were laughing together, exchanging books, walking arm in arm, and going almost everywhere together.

You had become sisters.

And the thought of losing you caused her more pain than she could have ever imagined.

As Nesta pulled away from her mate’s arms, she faced her brother-in-law.

“What’s the plan?” You had fought for Nesta, never backing down, never giving up, and now she was going to do the same for you.

Rhys’s eyes softened, and he squeezed Feyre’s hand tighter before answering, “Cass, Azriel, and I are going to Illyria, see if we can find out where she’s hiding.”

Nesta nodded, but before she could speak, a voice interrupted her.

“How will you know where to go?” Elain asked.

“We’ll follow the trail of the power surge. That should be enough to tell us where it started.”

Elain nodded in understanding before her eyes flicked to Azriel.

The male was quick to look away, focusing on his brother.

"She might not be there anymore." Cassian pondered.

"Still, it's worth a try." Feyre spoke a few seconds later.

Rhys gave her a weak smile that didn't reach his eyes — Feyre mirrored it.

An awkward silence fell over the family.

These past few weeks had been the strangest they had ever experienced. Sometimes, it felt like it wasn't even real, but rather a never-ending nightmare — sometimes they had to pinch themselves to make sure they were awake, and this was actually happening.

"I'll go with you." Nesta broke the silence.

Cassian knew there was no point in arguing, so he just nodded, wrapping his arms around her.

Azriel nodded as well before turning to Feyre and asking the question everyone was eager to know the answers to.

"News from Mor?"

Feyre let out a long sigh before shaking her head.

"We received a letter earlier. She arrived in Rask three days ago but hasn't found anything yet. She says there's an old male who's experienced in rare powers, but it might not mean anything," Feyre let out another sigh, "she says she'll let us know when she finds something."

Every day, they waited anxiously for a letter from Mor. With hope fading by the day, they believed more and more that the answer lay on the Continent.

Azriel was interrupted from his thoughts by a gentle touch on his shoulder, and he turned to find the middle Archeron sister standing in front of him.

"Can we talk?" She asked softly.

Looking back and seeing the rest of his family chatting, Azriel nodded and followed Elain into the hallway.

When the female in the pink dress tried to touch his hand, he pulled away faster than her brain could process.

Azriel remained silent, letting Elain start a conversation he had no desire to have.

"What happened that night?"

His response ended up being a frown rather than words, so Elain continued.

"The night of our date. You never showed up at the restaurant," When Azriel stayed silent, she continued, "I know you went looking for her, Azriel. I heard Madja say you went to the clinic looking for Y/N. Why?"

Azriel had the answer, but it wasn’t with Elain that he wanted to share it.

And as if his brother had heard his thoughts, Rhys appeared in the hallway, telling Azriel it was time to go.

Azriel didn’t look back before following his brother and taking off.

Eris checked that no one was around his room before closing the doors.

The male leaned against the door for a few moments as if to make sure you were real.

"You're here."

Your smile widened. "I am."

Eris matched your smile and moved to sit on the wooden chair in front of the bed before undoing a few buttons on his shirt and moving to unbutton his boots.

"Did Beron get my message?"

"He did."

You watched him for a moment before speaking again. "So you know about my powers."

"I don't care about your powers." He was quick to respond.

"What about your soldiers?"

"They shouldn't have threatened you."

"But he keeps looking for me."

Eris continued to untie his boots as he confirmed your statement.

"I told him to stop but he wouldn't listen."

"Hmm," you slowly stood up before stopping in front of him, "is that how you got that burn?"

Eris's hands stopped immediately, and without moving much, he directed his gaze to the white shirt that had fallen down when he bent over, now revealing yet another of Beron's marks.

Eris sighed and stood up, leaning his back against the wood of the chair.

His golden eyes met yours and he didn't look away, not even when he considered what lie to tell.

"I saw your mother when I was coming here."

You moved closer.

"She was applying what I think was a cream to her bruises."

Eris closed his eyes. He had heard about the argument his parents had had a few days ago when he was away at meetings.

His mother hadn't told him anything but he had assumed how it had ended.

The Heir felt a weight on his legs and arms wrapping around his neck. When he dared to open his eyes, he found yours a few inches away.

"Do you want me to kill him?"

The question took him by surprise. No one had ever dared to say such words.

"Would you do it if I said yes?"

It was no secret that Eris dreamed of the day he would put an end to Beron's reign. One of his greatest goals was to free Autumn and his family from the clutches of that male.

"For you, yes."

Eris laughed and tilted his head back only to be grabbed by the chin by a hand smaller than his and meet your eyes again.

"I'm serious. Say the word and it will be done."

The owner of the golden eyes was lost for words. No one had ever cared about him like this.

Not knowing what to say, Eris brought your lips together.

You kissed him back almost immediately, adjusting yourself on his lap.

Eris broke the kiss just long enough to say, "I was worried about you."

You laughed into the kiss, responding with a quick, "I can take care of myself, prince."

Eris laughed back, "I know, but I missed you."

His response did something to your heart — something you couldn't quite put your finger on.

It would be a lie if you said you came here just to warn him about his father.

For some reason, this male made you feel things that shouldn't have been possible.

Your brain was telling you to pull away, to leave, but that thought was forgotten when your heart answered for you.

"Then show me how much you missed me."

And so he did.

Darkness. Silence.

Were the first two things you came across.

Total darkness surrounded you.

You couldn't make out what was around you. No matter how hard you tried to squint your eyes, they couldn't make out any kind of shape, not even a shadow.

No noise could be heard — wherever you were, silence dominated that place.

What was going on?

How did you end up here? What were you doing here?

"Hello?"

You didn't get any response back, which led you to assume that you were alone. Whether that was a good thing or not, you didn't know, but something told you that you were about to find out.

As you took a step forward, you stretched out your arms in the hope of finding a surface that you could use to guide yourself.

It took several steps until you found what seemed to be a wall. As you let your hands run along it, you realized that its surface was rocky and damp and that your footsteps echoed.

Always with one hand on the wall, you let yourself be guided to whatever was waiting for you on the other side.

Seconds.

Minutes.

Hours.

You didn't know how long you had been walking, your hand already cold from being pressed against the wall for so long.

Just when you were beginning to think that the darkness was endless and that you were lost or trapped, that there was no way out, something answered your worries.

A weak beam of light entered your field of vision, indicating the path to salvation.

In what seemed like a matter of survival, you ran towards the light that gradually grew brighter as you approached.

The moment the light became a little stronger, you realized that you were inside a cave when you saw the entrance.

When you finally left the cave, you saw that the light that was offered to you came from the moon, hence its dim brightness.

Without any intention of returning to the infinite darkness, you walked towards the trees that led you to a lake.

The lake was large, surrounded by pine trees, and with only the moonlight illuminating it and reflecting on its water.

The view was enchanting. It reminded you of one of those places where people would go when they needed to be alone or to think.

A place that would become someone's favorite place — where they would feel nothing but tranquility and security.

Where they could escape reality and take a break from their problems for a few hours.

Unfortunately, not everything is as it seems.

Just as a wolf can seem affectionate and friendly at first, causing its prey to let its guard down moments before attacking, this lake also seemed like a place of peace and not one of danger.

Your feet took you to the edge of the lake, where you crouched down and stretched out your hand to be enveloped by the water.

The water was pleasant and reminded you of summer days. You were swinging your hand from side to side when something caught your attention.

There, reflected in the lake, right behind you and a lot taller, emerged a dark figure.

A figure that was impossible to make out, could it be anything — a person, an animal, a shadow?

Acting on instinct, you turned as quickly as possible, and the only thing you could find was darkness accompanied by a deep voice.

"Come find me."

Your eyes flew open.

Your breathing was fast, as was your heartbeat — as if they were in a race that they both wanted to win.

A line of sweat ran down your chest while another on your forehead followed suit.

You sat up slightly in bed as your eyes quickly adjusted to the dark room.

You saw the desk in the middle of the room where the pile of letters still stood, the tall windows that were covered by brown curtains, the fireplace where there were still traces of the wood that had burned a few hours ago and finally — the warmth that rested against your back.

You were still in Autumn.

In Eris's room.

The male's arm was around your waist, his chest against your back, and his previously closed eyes were now open.

Those golden eyes that did something unknown to your heart.

Eris sat up, remaining behind you, bringing his free hand to brush your hair away from your bare shoulder where he placed a light kiss.

You could have sworn your heart skipped a beat at the brush of his lips against your skin, but you attributed those thoughts to your sleepy state.

With his arm still around your waist, he pulled you towards him until your back was resting against his bare chest and your head on his shoulder.

"Is everything okay?" Eris asked, barely above a whisper.

What was he doing to you?

How was it that after everything you had done to protect your heart, this male could undo it with just a touch?

"Little fox?"

You closed your eyes at the nickname. Your cheeks felt hot — from the nickname or from the male holding you?

You felt a warm hand take its place over your heart, a gesture so simple yet meaning so much.

Your heart began to stabilize, your body to relax, and your breathing to return to its normal state as Eris began to make small circles with his hand.

"I'm okay, Eris." You couldn't help the small smile that pulled the corners of your mouth upward until your dimples appeared.

This was becoming too real — too deep.

You had to get away. From this male, from this place — from everything that reminded you of a certain Heir with red hair and golden eyes that reminded you of the sun

"Are you sure, little fox?"

Whatever this was between you and this male couldn't continue.

How could he be having this effect on you?

"Mm-hmm." Your response was followed by a light kiss on your temple before another was placed on your cheek.

What was this feeling in your belly? Why was your heart reacting like this?

You had to put an end to this. You were going to tell the male that whatever this was was nothing more than a bit of fun.

You were going to pull yourself out of his arms, forget about his lips, put on your clothes, and leave.

You made your decision.

You didn't pull away when Eris pulled the two of you to lie down.

You didn’t protest when he laid your head on his chest and wrapped an arm around you.

You didn’t stop him when he covered you with the blanket.

Your mind felt heavy — what had you been thinking about earlier?

You snuggled closer to him, placing one of your arms over his stomach and tangling your legs with his.

You kissed his chest, and he ran his hand briefly through your hair.

A vague sense of thought passed through your mind — you had made a decision, hadn’t you?

You couldn’t remember.

The next morning, Eris woke up alone in his bedroom, now lit by the light of a new day.

He did not find your figure on the left side of the bed. Instead, he was surprised by a piece of parchment.

"I had to go, I have some business to attend to. Don't worry, prince, you will see me again."

Eris fell onto the bed with one hand hiding his face but not enough to hide his smile.

A warm and welcoming feeling filled his heart.

For the first time in all his centuries of life, Eris Vanserra was happy.

So happy that he didn't notice that his burn had been cured.

The Inner Circle was gathered in the living room with Amren back from her home.

Rhys had shared the vision with everyone that the four of them had encountered in the cabin — or what was left of it.

Rhys, Cassian, Azriel, and Nesta were still lost for words. Their minds couldn’t form thoughts — too busy trying to process everything they had seen in the cabin.

The plants and flowers, the evidence of your power in the destroyed walls and soil, the soldiers, and… the dead flower that still danced.

Every time they closed their eyes, that was the sight they were greeted with.

Feyre sat on the arm of the chair with a hand pressed against her chest. “Y/N… the soldiers. Are you sure it was her?”

When everyone remained silent, Azriel took over. “It was her. The soldiers had traces of her power. We don’t know where she went, but we believe she couldn’t have gone far.”

"I couldn't find anything in Helion's books," Amren said, "what do we do now?"

Several sighs were let out, and then "I think we should-" Azriel couldn't finish his thought due to the change in the air.

As his family immediately took up defensive positions, he realized he wasn't the only one who felt it.

Everyone's eyes found the source of the change — the door to the living room.

It was early morning, the light illuminating the room completely, but somehow, darkness could be seen beyond the door.

Everyone's hands began to find their weapons.

It was impossible to break into the River House — Rhys had placed the wards himself.

The darkness moved.

Azriel didn’t wait for the threat to strike first.

His centuries of training, experience, and combat kicked in.

In an instant, faster than the blink of an eye, Truth-Teller was flying through the air, about to strike his target.

Until a hand stopped it.

The darkness began to dissolve, revealing you behind it. As you walked into the room, the knife was still immobilized in your hand.

As surprise and shock grew on the faces of what you once recognized as your family, a smile grew on yours.

Your eyes flickered through violet, blue, brown, and silver ones until they stopped on a pair of hazels.

The Shadowsinger’s knees nearly gave out before you spoke.

“Now, that’s no way to welcome a lady.”

You walked around the room as you took in the decor.

The Inner Circle had moved to sit on the couch as they watched you.

"I like what you did with the new place. Fancy." You said as you ran a finger along the dining table.

As you walked to the couch, a smile still on your lips, you stopped to pour yourself a glass of whiskey before sitting down next to Nesta.

"Hello, friend." You said as you took a sip of the drink that burned your throat.

"Y/N."

When Nesta showed an intention to speak again, you quickly turned your gaze to the males who were sitting on the couch opposite yours.

"I heard you were looking for me. How cute." You said with what could be detected as false emotion.

"Where have you been?" Rhys asked you.

"Oh, you know. Here and there," your hand slid down your leg, stopping at your knee, "by the way. Beron made his alliance with Koschei and that human queen official yesterday."

Amren gave you a scornful look, "And how do you know that?"

A cheeky smile filled your face. You rested your arms on the back of the couch and crossed your legs as you replied, "I was with Eris yesterday."

Seeing her roll her eyes, your smile widened before you met the eyes of the female who had become like a sister to you.

Nesta watched as you stared at her with blank eyes and no emotion on your face — pain struck her heart as she didn't recognize the person in front of her.

"We saw the cabin."

Azriel's voice broke your eye contact with the female and made you focus on him.

"Oh, yeah? And what did you think?"

Amren answered, "Monstrous."

Your gaze met hers. “I was just protecting myself.”

“Were you?” she asked, “or were you trying to show off?”

Your eyes turned red, and the room began to shake as you let your power surge to the surface.

Cassian, Rhysand, and Azriel widened their eyes as the Archeron sisters tried to hide the fear that filled them.

You stood up from the couch and walked towards the female without ever breaking eye contact or missing a step.

"Be careful, Amren," As you approached her, she began to retreat her steps. "If I were you, I would choose your next words wisely."

The ancient one's back touched the wall, and you noticed her breathing become faster. "You don't want to anger me."

As you glanced one last time at Amren, you gave her a smile before heading for the door.

Azriel was quick to stand up. “Where are you going?”

Your feet stopped, and you glanced over your shoulder. “Leaving, obviously.”

Just as you were about to resume walking, you were interrupted again.

“No.” Rhys answered this time.

This made you slowly turn in your place — it took all of Rhys’s strength not to flinch at the look in your eyes.

Cassian, who was next to him, murmured, “Careful, Rhys. Don’t get on her nerves.”

Rhys glanced at him sideways before swallowing the lump in his throat and letting out his High Lord voice.

Although he didn’t show it, he was shaking inside, but he hoped this would work on you.

"You're not going anywhere. Now that you're here, I want you under my supervision at all times. I forbid you to leave Velaris."

Everyone held their breath as they waited for your reaction.

They were all surprised when your answer was "Fine. Do I have a room here or will I have to sleep in the garden?"

One by one, they sighed in relief before Rhys spoke again "Of course you have a room here."

"I'll take you." Azriel walked forward before anyone could protest.

After climbing the stairs, turning left, then right and another right, they reached the door to your room.

Without hesitation, you opened the door and when you were about to close it, a hand stopped you.

"Azriel, no. I have a headache and I just want to sleep."

Azriel was surprised by your answer but now that you were in front of him, he didn't want to wait any longer.

"There's something I want to tell you. About that night."

"Honestly, I don't care."

"I didn't go to meet Elain. I went looking for you," seeing the confusion on your face, he continued, "I went to the clinic that morning but I didn't find you-"

"I wasn't there."

"I know and-"

"Azriel." Cassian's voice trailed off, drawing your gazes to him.

"Come," when Azriel tried to protest, Cassian was firmer, "now."

"Thank the Cauldron." And with that, you slammed the door in his face.

After dinner, the members of the Inner Circle entered the living room where Amren was on the couch with an old book on her lap.

No one had commented on what had happened.

Not out of fear of Amren but out of fear of what it would mean to admit it out loud.

Feeling your power, the closeness they felt — they weren't ready for this conversation even though they knew they would have to have it sooner or later.

"What are you looking for?" Feyre asked the elder.

When the silver-eyed female didn't answer, the High Lady approached and read the contents of the book.

Her eyes widened "You're reading about Koschei?"

The others approached.

"Yes, what Y/N said earlier made me think."

Azriel sat down next to her "About an alliance with Beron and the queen?"

"Yes." Amren kept her eyes on the book.

Cassian took the seat across from her and rested his arms on his thighs. “Why?”

Amren sighed and closed the book, setting it down on the small coffee table.

“Think about it. Koschei has been on the lake for thousands of years, right?” When everyone had settled down, she continued, “So why act now? With all the centuries he had to free himself from the lake, why now?”

Not liking where the conversation seemed to be going, Rhys approached the table and picked up the book, turning it over in his hand. “What’s your theory?”

“I think he’s waiting.”

“Waiting for what?” Nesta asked.

Amren stood and went to pour a glass of wine. “Not for what, but for who.”

"Amren." The High Lady said. Everyone realized that this was not going to be a simple conversation.

"He's a sorcerer and his powers weren't neutralized, we realized that when he cursed Vassa. So what other spells can he do?"

The General ran a hand through his hair before sighing "What are you trying to say?"

Amren looked at the High Lord who was already looking at her, with a nod, she indicated to open to page one hundred and forty seven.

Rhysand followed her indication but it was the only thing he could do because the content was in an ancient language — long lost.

"What does it say?"

Amren cleared her throat to answer and for the second time that day, the Inner Circle saw her get nervous.

"It's a spell to see the future."

"What?" Everyone asked in unison.

Elain spoke for the first time since all this began "I thought only seers could see the future."

Amren shook her head in denial. Rhysand looked at the her and like a snap of fingers, the situation became clear in his mind.

"You think he used this spell to see when would be the best time to act."

Amren nodded. She grabbed the book and flipped through the pages until she found the one she wanted.

"Koschei needs help to break the spell that is binding him to the lake. He needs someone powerful. Very powerful."

Her gaze met Azriel's. "I think Koschei used the spell and saw when that someone would appear and has been waiting ever since. He needs someone with a power that he can relate to. I think-"

"Y/N." Nesta murmured.

All eyes moved to her but Nesta only looked at Amren.

The ancient one didn't need to say anything to confirm Nesta's thought.

"Koschei is a Death God," her eyes remained focused on the silver ones. "Y/N is a necromancer. Her power involves death and we have all just witnessed how powerful she is."

"No..." Azriel blurted out as Feyre covered her mouth with her hands.

"Amren?" Feyre asked.

The female simply nodded her head.

"If Koschei saw the future, he saw what was going to happen to Y/N," Rhysand began, "he waited until her powers changed to act."

Silence fell over the room.

This was bigger than they had thought. They had all thought their only concern would be Beron, but little did they know how wrong they were.

A second passed.

Two seconds.

Three seconds.

"Koschei was waiting for Y/N."

Azriel was the first to move, followed by the others.

"Y/N!"

They all ran towards your room.

"Y/N!"

Their hearts were pounding as they got closer.

"Y/N!"

Just a few steps away, several prayers were sent to the Mother for you.

"Y/N!"

The door to your room was knocked down and the space was invaded by seven people.

Your room was dark.

Your bed was unmade and empty.

And you were nowhere to be found.

It was too late.

You were at the lake again.

The lake surrounded by pine trees and illuminated by the moonlight.

The lake that promised tranquility and safety.

'Another nightmare' you thought to yourself.

The figure appeared again reflected in the lake but this time in front of you.

You followed its reflection until you found it hovering over the lake.

Anyone else would have backed away, screamed or even run away.

But you were not just anyone and whatever this was, it didn't scare you.

You walked closer until your feet were greeted by the water.

"Who are you?"

The figure approached and beneath the cover of darkness you could make out the shape of a man.

"My name is Koschei. We finally meet, Y/N."

Your face remained neutral, without a trace of shock or surprise.

"How do you know my name?"

A deep chuckle rang across the lake, making its water vibrate.

"I've been waiting for you."

It was only when the man shrouded in darkness placed a hand on your shoulder that you realized this wasn't a nightmare.

Pryhtian shook as a great flash invaded the sky, dyeing it red.

The houses shook.

People screamed.

Animals fled.

The cold increased.

But it was only when they looked back at the sky that they realized what had happened.

The clouds changed color.

The darkness that had been hiding behind them advanced.

The storm was here.

A/n: Thank you for reading! There will be one or two more parts (I haven't decided yet) and I have a lot of ideas to finish it off in style!

[Masterlist]

General Taglist: @emryb @fantasyandshit @azrielover @shadowsingercassia @brieflyclassymortal @lilah-asteria @lure-of-writing @pruvii @olive-main @mybestfriendmademe @anuttellaa @lively-potter @meul-a @mrsjna @avajustreads @littlelou22 @talesofadragon @circe143 @starswholistenanddreamsanswered @dark-chaos-314 @tequilya @scoliobean @saltedcoffeescotch @charlotteintumbleland @agirlwithwifiandalaptop

Taglist Fic: @crazylokonugget @quinzzelx @cumuluscranium @i-am-infinite @rcarbo1 @romantasyreader28 @thegreyjoyed @whyshouldihaveanam3 @meher-sumedha @paleidiot @skylarkalchemist @thestartitaness @romanoffslegacy @bookwormysblog @sandramalikstyles-blog @peachcontour-blog @tele86 @sidthedollface2 @kitsunetori @thegoddessofnothingness @myromanempiree @fxckmiup @ruler-of-hades @angelofl0ve

*if you asked to be tagged and you weren't, it's because I couldn't find your blog.

the beautiful dividers belong to @cafekitsune

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really-fanny-longbottom · 5 months ago

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thank you!! 🥹🫶🏻

only in my dreams masterlist

part one summary: love has two sides. it can be pure, beautiful, and exciting, but it can also be lonely, painful, and the worst of all — unrequited.

part two summary: you turned off your emotions so you could protect your heart, but at what price?

part three summary: the beginning of the end.

last uptade: september 6

status: ongoing

the beautiful dividers belong to @cafekitsune

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really-fanny-longbottom · 6 months ago

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@shadowsingercassia, thank you so much for the tag. i loved doing this! 🫶🏻

1. How many words did you publish on AO3 in 2024?

none, actually! i don't have an account on ao3 and i think the website it's complicated for me.

2. How many fics have you completed this year?

15! which is literally all my fics since i only started posting since may.

3. How many in progress or ongoing fics did you start did year?

honestly, i don't even know. ongoing, i think it's about two or maybe three. on progress? that's the million dollar question, i have this problem where i start writing new things before even finishing the others that i already started. i have too many (5x) fics on my drafts.

4. What was your favorite thing you wrote?

without a doubt, never yours and only in my dreams. these fics are sooo different from each other, but i absolutely loved the process of writing them, i think it was when i felt the most motived.

5. What piece was your most experimental or different from your usual style?

i will have to say, tears in pages. it was the most challenging fic i ever wrote and it's different from the others. it was also the one where i had to force myself to stop, otherwise it would be a book and not a fic.

6. Did any fics surprise you - either while writing or their reception?

only in my dreams!!! in both ways, actually. when i started writing it that was not the original plot, the ideas just came to me while i was writing and the development that came after too. also, when i posted, i was shocked to see how many people liked it and requested for a part two. it was one of the best moments i had here.

7. Do you have a fic you wrote and loved that went under the radar? (This is your sign to reblog/repost it!)

yessss! tears in pages and echoes of the past, i loved writing them because of how different they are from all of my other works and it made me a little upset when i saw they didn't get the same attention as the others, especially tears in pages, i really loved that one.

8. Who is an artist that inspired you?

most of my time here is spend on fics, so, i don't really know many artists but i love @cafekitsune dividers. they're so good that i use them all for my fics and page. they're really amazing.

9. Who is an author that inspired you?

@daycourtofficial was the first page i found here. i literally read all her fics in one night. they're so good, the plot, the writing, truly amazing. before i start writing, i asked for some advices (anonymously at the time because i was too shy) and they helped me so much and gave the courage to post and it's one of the best decisions i ever made. so, thank you 🫶🏻.

@azsazz was the second page i found and i also read all of the fics in a space of hours. the amount of spam i must have given, my god. i loved the creativity and how she managed to explore so different ideas and worlds. i was so captivated by the majority of them, so good.

i'm always looking out for your new fics, and both of your pages are some of the ones i always come back to read and reread. 🥰

10. Who is a new author you discovered?

@itsswritten, absolutely amazing, i love all the fics, especially the wings universe. it's so magical.

@writingcroissant, i could read those fics over and over and over again, completely amazing.

11. Did you do any collaborations? How did i start?

i have not.

12. What accomplishments are you proudest of?

that i found my courage to post and share my ideas and writing. i was so nervous at the begin and now it's one of my favorites things to do. i just wish i had started sooner.

13. What did you learn about writing or creating this year?

that it can be a safe space, we can do it just for fun and enjoy it. we can share our own art and support the art of others as well.

14. What is your advice?

believe in yourself - it's the best advice i've been given.

15. What are your creative goals for 2025?

try to finish those fics i've already started without starting new ones (oops) and try to get them out of my drafts. also, improving my writing, i feel like it already had some improving but it's not quite where i want it yet.

no pressure tags: @daycourtofficial @azsazz @itsswritten and anyone else who wants to do this!

Answer and then tag three or more creators to keep the game going!

Thank you so much @velarisdusk for the tag! 🫶🏻

1. How many words did you publish on AO3 in 2024?

I don't have anything published on AO3 simply because I still don't know how to use it even though I do have an account. But here on tumblr, it's 92.878

2. How many fics did you complete this year?

49! I've never counted them before and never realized just how many they were omg

3. How many in progress or ongoing fics did you start this year?

Ongoing only Bound By Secrets. In progress apparently 10? I thought I had 3 WIPs. I completely forgot about the other 7 lol

4. What was your favorite thing you wrote?

UGH how do I choose one? A Helping Hand has a special place in my heart because it's the first fic I wrote and posted. Night and Days is one of my favorites because I love the banter between Azriel and reader, and I also have to mention Say My Name because omg I loved writing that one and I know I might be biased but I was giggling and kicking my feet while writing.

5. What piece was your most experimental or different from your usual style?

I'd say the first few things I wrote rather than one in particular for the simple reason that in Italian I tend to write very long sentences because it's normal, but in English sentences are usually shorter so it took a bit to get into that mindset. As for experimental, I'm trying to write a fic from two povs at the same time, sort of like an omniscient narrator. We'll see how it turns out.

6. Did any fics surprise you - either while writing or their reception?

Many fics surprise me while writing because I don't plan them out that much other than a few things I want to happen and then I see where the story leads me. As for reception, Bound by Secrets. I didn't expect so many people asking for a part 2! (I'll write it, I promise)

7. Do you have a fic you wrote and loved that went under the radar? (This is your sign to reblog/repost it!)

The Path To Healing and on a happier (and smutty) note Alcohol and Giggles. I cried writing the first one and laughed writing the second one.

8. Who is an artist that inspired you?

I love every single fanart by madschofield and elizianna.the.one!

9. Who is an author that inspired you?

@writingcroissant was the first author I found on here, the literal reason I created an account was to read her fics, and @illyrianbitch was the second. I love everything they write and it made me want to write again.

10. Who is a new author you discovered?

@shedoessoshedoes and @duskandcobalt! I'm going to read all of your fics so don't be surprised if you see me in your notifications for the next few weeks 🥰

11. Did you do any collaborations? How did it start

Nope, no collaborations.

12. What accomplishments are you proudest of?

Kinktober! I decided to do it two weeks before it started and didn't think I'd be able to write all 31 one fics but I did it!

13. What did you learn about writing or creating this year?

When I started posting, I kept opening tumblr every five minutes to see if there were any new notes/comments/etc. Now I don't do that anymore. I still care about people enjoying my content of course and any kind of feedback is always super appreciated, but I don't need to continuously check to know that my writing is valid and good even if I get only a few likes.

14. What is your advice?

I'm the wrong person to ask this to, but I guess write what you like and what you want to read. I know it's basic, but never before I realized just how true it is. Feedback and appreciation for your work is awesome, but you have to be the first one to like it or it's probably going to turn out bland if you push yourself to write something you don't like or are not interested in.

15. What are your creative goals for 2025?

Finish working on all those WIPs apparently lol. And I have an idea for a series that I want to work on as well.

No pressure of course, but if you'd like to @azrielslittleslut @anarchiii @shedoessoshedoes or anyone else who wants to do it!

#tag game #writing #no pressure

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really-fanny-longbottom · 6 months ago

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it happens 🫠

Reblog if you're a writer who re-reads their own work for funsies.

#writing #prompts

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really-fanny-longbottom · 6 months ago

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Rhys

Cassian

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really-fanny-longbottom · 6 months ago

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oh my-

Tamlin: Heads or tails?

Rhys: Tails

Tamlin: *opens the box with Rhys’ mom’s and sister’s heads* Wrong

#Rhysand #Tamlin #i did not expect that

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really-fanny-longbottom · 6 months ago

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Hiii, I just wanna say I'm sorry for the spam like your profile popped up on my home page and I started to read more and more and I just wanna say that I absolutely am loving your work, and like how nice and long you make the stories if that makes sense and how good all the plots are like they keep me on my toes, but I just wanna say your a really good writer and I love your stories ❤️😭

omg, thank you! 🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻

this just made my day, writing has become one of my favorite things and nothing makes me happier than seeing someone who likes my work.

this made me so happy and i've also been realizing that i have a problem with short fics—i can't write them.

my fics always end up being long and i have so many ideas that i can't wait to share them with you all.

thank you so much for your words, really, this made me so so happy! 🥹

ps: i loved the spam.

#ask #ask me anything

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really-fanny-longbottom · 6 months ago

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LOVE your second chance series !! such a cute concept, i can‘t get enough <3

omg, thank you so much! 🫶🏻

i was so afraid to publish it at first because i thought no one would like it and nothing makes me happier than realizing how wrong i was and how there are so many people who liked second chance and asked me for more!

thank you sooo much! 🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻

ps: the next fic will be published soon.

#anon ask #ask

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really-fanny-longbottom · 6 months ago

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a solstice to remember

azriel x reader | nothing could keep azriel from the place where he wants to be the most. words: 3.6k a/n: let's pretend i'm not like a week late with this fic, anyways, happy 2025!

masterlist

velaris was beautiful during this time of the year.

the city was surrounded by snow, the houses decorated, the frozen river and the streets illuminated by bright lights.

even the cold couldn't shake the magical atmosphere for the sounds of singing and laughing could be heard from the top of the mountains.

it truly was a sight to behold.

but it was azriel who had the best view of all.

high in the sky, with a distant flapping of wings from the clouds, azriel flew over the beautiful city of starlight.

the stars kept him company on his return flight, and the wind that blew against his face, his wings, taking all his worries away, welcomed him back.

there was nothing like home.

if this were the old days, azriel wouldn't have hesitated in arranging some poor excuse and locked himself in his bedroom in the company of his shadows until morning arrived.

but things were different now—they had been different for quite a while.

the sight of the house of wind came into his vision, soothing his heart, which azriel had carried heavy all day.

he wasn't supposed to work today, but with last-minute information coming in through one of his spies, azriel couldn't postpone it.

a conversation with rhys had taken place. the brothers had discussed the best plan of action, both coming to the same conclusion.

and with that, azriel left at dawn with only a promise to try to return today.

a risky promise, knowing what was at stake, but one that he would do and did everything he could to keep.

with a lighter heart, azriel landed happily on the house's porch.

still in his spymaster attire, the male made sure to check that everything was in order before opening the double doors.

the moment the doors opened, he was welcomed with all the scents and sensations he was grateful to experience.

the smell of roast meat, mashed potatoes and vegetables filled the air, the fire in the fireplace warmed the room and the decorations left no room for doubt as to which festivity they were celebrating.

his family was already in the room, snuggled up in the comfort of the sofas with glasses of wine in hands and with brief conversations and laughter being exchanged.

azriel closed the doors behind him before stepping forward.

"finally!" rhys exclaimed, a relieved smile appearing in his features.

at his exclamation, all heads turned in azriel's direction, welcoming him with warm and kind smiles.

cassian, ever the playful, "took you long enough. we were starting to wonder if we had to send a search party for you."

azriel chuckled, shaking his head while entering the room, "it was work, you know how it is."

as he approached the sofas, rhys stood up, walking towards him.

"sorry for making you work today, brother," he apologized, a firm hand taking the place on his shoulder.

"nonsense," azriel was quick to reply, "we both know it was the right decision," he finished with a light pat on rhys's back.

rhys smiled, knowing it wasn't easy for his brother to be away from home for long periods of time, especially during the holidays, and now more than ever.

"still, i'm glad you made it. it wouldn't have been the same without you here."

azriel was grateful for his words, more than he let on.

a raise of rhys's eyebrows allowed azriel to hear his brother's silent question—if everything had gone well and if he was okay.

a simple nod was all that was needed, and a quick hug was exchanged between the brothers, ending the conversation about work.

"here," cassian said, handing him a glass of wine, "we've already started, so you'll have to hurry up to catch us."

azriel chuckled and shook his head, but before he could take a sip, he found himself looking around the room, his hazel eyes hoping to find a pair of green ones.

feyre smiled fondly at her brother-in-law, understanding the feeling all too well "looking for someone, az?"

the corners of his lips rose, his heart skipped a beat at the thought of those green eyes.

"indeed," he replied as his eyes kept traveling through the room "where's my girl?"

and as if the universe had listened, there you were, entering the living room, helping elain to bring out the desserts.

as soon as he spotted you, azriel's heart melted.

affection and love filled his eyes, and shivers ran through his body.

after all this time, his body, his heart, and his soul, they all still reacted to you just as they did the very first time.

"there she is," azriel said, his voice laced with adoration while setting his glass of wine on the table.

your eyes moved towards the sound—the first one you heard every morning and the last one you heard every night.

azriel watched you as your features change from reserved and quiet to one of surprise and relief.

"az!" you said and hurriedly to place the tray of food on the table before running into his arms— your safe haven.

his heart skipped another beat as he saw the smile that lit up your face upon seeing him and the male didn't hesitate to hug you tightly, his face going down to your neck, inhaling your familiar scent.

it was both adorable and terrifying, the effect you had on him, but azriel never complained—and he never would.

"you made it," you said softly against his chest, where his heart was beating faster than he could fly.

"of course," azriel replied, his scarred hands caressing your back before tangling in your hair. "i promised you, didn't i?"

you responded by breaking the hug and cupping his face with your hands, your thumbs caressing his skin before pulling him in for a much needed kiss.

azriel deepened the kiss, his hands grabbing your hips to pull you closer, however, the kiss was interrupted when your body pressed entirely against his and a small tap was felt by both of you.

the shadowsinger pulled back slightly, a loving smile already plastered on his features "looks, like we have an intruder."

you chuckled and rested your forehead against his, closing your eyes for a second to savor the moment, "it looks like we do."

azriel's smile widened, he kissed your forehead, his lips lingering on your skin for a beat before looking down.

"hi, little one. daddy's here" he said, his large hand coming to rest over your small baby bump, running his fingers through it.

another kick was given, the baby clearly happy for their father's voice.

chuckles erupted from the both of you, his hand continued his caress as he lowered his head down to plaster a kiss there.

his hazel eyes met yours when he stood to his full height again, his hand remaining on your bump.

"sorry for being late, love" his fingers caress your cheek, before grabbing a few loose strands and tucking them behind your ear "i tried to hurry up as quickly as pos-"

you silenced him with a kiss on his lips, both of your hands finding his chest while his hand positioned on the back of your neck.

azriel's heart melted even more, you always knew how to disarm him, at any moment.

"the only thing that matters is that you're here, az," you ran your hand over his jaw, the touch soft and affectionate "the only thing."

"you're right," he said, before lowering his head to your shoulder once more and placing a light kiss there.

he lifted his head moments later, his hazel eyes scanning the room, trying to find his own eyes in a smaller version.

a smile graced your face, and you couldn't help the small chuckle that escaped you.

"he's upstairs."

azriel's eyes meet yours, behind them you could find a hint of nerves "how is he?"

you sighed, your heart clenching for the male in front of you.

"a little sad for thinking that his daddy won't make it for winter solstice" you told him softly, your hand caressing the length of his back to help him relax in a way only you could.

azriel sighed, running a hand through his hair in frustration, "i hate to disappoint him."

at that moment, despite being a little more serious, a laugh escaped you before you could hold it back.

azriel raised an eyebrow in question, his nerves being replaced by confusion.

"what's so funny?" he asked you, squeezing your hip slightly.

"you're such an idiot" you answered him, another laugh leaving you.

at his reaction, you grabbed his face and looked into those beautiful hazel eyes.

"dorian it's not disappointed with you, azriel. he's sad, yes, but not disappointed. he thinks you're the coolest person of prythian, he wants to be like you when he grows up. you could never disappoint him." you explained, finishing with a light swat to his chest.

your words helped calm his heart. you knew more than anyone how insecure azriel still felt about fatherhood.

even though your son was already five years old, there were still times when he didn't feel worthy of you, or dorian, or the life you had managed to build together.

it was in moments like these where he needed you the most, your words were more powerful than any other's.

"you're right," he told you, his hand running up and down your hips. "i'll go upstairs, telling him that i'm here."

when azriel turned to head for the stairs, you were quick to grab his hand and pull him towards you.

"let me go," you told him, "i'll tell him that one of his presents arrived earlier and bring him down."

a big smile invaded the male's features, excitement running through his veins "yeah, okay."

you kissed his cheek before letting go of his hand and walking upstairs.

azriel kept his eyes on you as you left the room and headed for the stairs.

his eyes studied your purple dress and how the color only helped to highlight your beauty even more, how your hair had gotten longer since you decided to grow it out over the summer, how you always have one hand resting on your bump, and the golden ring with a cobalt blue stone as you placed your other hand on the railing of the stairs.

he watched you, with a goofy smile, as you disappeared up the stairs and his attention was drawn to cassian when he imitated the sound of a whip.

laughter reached his ears, and the male let his head fall in defeat, knowing exactly what was in store for him.

"oh, you're whipped, brother," cassian told him as he watched his brother join them on the couch.

azriel sighed as he took a sip of his wine, shaking his head in response to cassian's comment. he didn't even bother to deny it, knowing clear as a blue sky that he was hopelessly whipped for you.

as he leaned further into the couch, cassian leaned forward, resting his arms on his thighs.

"i have to say, i never thought i'd see the day where azriel," he began, a smirk forming on his lips.

"...the feared shadowsinger, the ruthless spymaster, the most brooding illyrian," he continued, earning chuckles from every member of the family, especially the said male.

azriel rolled his eyes, and crossed his arms over his chest, knowing very well there was no way of stopping his brother, so he embraced the teasing.

"...would be completely whipped by a female." cassian finished, winking a eye in his direction while taking another sip of his wine.

azriel barked a laughter. he didn't correct cassian because there was nothing to correct, everything the general said was true.

he himself had not imagined the day where something like this would be possible—but here they were.

"i never thought about it either," azriel replied, a fond smile on his face, his eyes locked on cassian's.

cassian's face softened at his words, he knew that despite his teasing, the words carried nothing but truth and he couldn't be happier to be that way.

"i bet it feels damn good," the general said, raising his glass in the direction of his brother.

"it does," azriel said on his turn, mimicking cassian's gesture "it really does, it's the best feeling in the world."

they both drink to that, a feeling of gratitude passing through both of them for the life that, after everything they faced, they managed to have.

azriel couldn't help but smile, his eyes flickering towards the doorway you had just disappeared moments ago.

•••

as you reached the top of the stairs, the sound of giggles and lively conversation echoed through the hallway.

as you made your way down the hallway, you smiled softly, your heart warming at the sound of the children enjoying their playtime.

when you reached the door, you stood there for just a moment to hear another set of giggles, a small chuckle escaping you.

you opened the door and were greeted with the sight of your nephews.

"auntie!" nyx exclaimed, dropping his toys to the floor to come wrap his arms around your leg in greeting.

your other nephew, kaden, followed nyx shortly, hugging your other leg.

"hi, auntie!" kaden said, showing you his big toothless smile.

"hi, sweethearts," you caressed their heads, "you're boys having fun?" you asked with a smile mimicking theirs.

"yeah!" the boys answered in union before returning to the floor, definitely to finish their toy's mission.

your eyes stayed on them for a little longer before your attention was drawn to the side and settled on your son.

dorian was seated a little further from his cousins—sadness was evident in his eyes, his head was resting on his hand while the other one was fiddling with the toy.

the sight made your heart ache, so little he was and yet he already felt such great emotions.

you approached him, one hand on your baby bump while the other held the skirt of your dress.

you knelt in front of him, your hand caressing his back carefully to not hurt his little wings.

"hi, baby" you said, your voice gentle and calm.

your voice drew dorian's attention and he lifted his head and you found you "hi, mommy."

your eyes locked on his hazel ones, the same ones you had fall in love with "still sad about daddy leaving for work?"

dorian sighed before nodding his head, his eyes dropping to the floor.

"yes," he murmured, his small voice filled with sadness, "he should be here."

your fingers found his hair, the one he had inherent from you, and caressed it in a soothing manner.

"i know it's hard, baby," you spoke softly, your tone comforting him, "but daddy's job is important. he didn't want to leave today, you know that right?"

dorian's eyes flickered to meet yours, a hint of understanding making it's way on his features.

"i know, but i still miss him," dorian whispered, leaning into your touch.

a small smile formed on your lips, and you gave him a mischievous look.

"well, what if i told you that one of your presents arrived earlier?"

dorian's eyes lit up at your words and he moved closer to you, his small hands reaching out to touch your baby bump.

"sissy?" he asked you, his sadness being replaced with excitement.

despite not knowing the baby's gender, dorian had been convinced since the very moment you and azriel had broken the news that he was going to be a big brother, that he was having a baby sister.

a small chuckle escaped you at his eagerness "no, my love. it's not your sister, she's still going to take a little longer to get here" you caressed his chubby cheek with your thumb.

his eyes fell at your words but you were quickly to intervene "but," you started, his eyes lifting immediately to find yours "this present is much better."

his face light up at that, and your smile widened, seeing that your sweet boy was no longer sad.

"do you want to come see it?"

dorian nodded his head eagerly "yes, mommy" he said and a beat later, he was on his feet.

you laughed and got up too, extended your hand towards him which he didn't hesitate to hold onto.

"let's go then," you said as you led him towards the door.

when you opened the door, you turned around to look at your nephews "you boys come too. it's almost dinner time."

at the mention of food, kaden got up almost as fast as the speed of light, his toys now forgotten on the floor—he really was cassian's son.

you let the boys go ahead of you, keeping an eye on them so they wouldn't get any ideas about doing something reckless on stairs.

as dorian walked down the stairs, he suddenly stopped when azriel's voice came from the living room.

your son lifted his head to look at you, "daddy?"

your response was a smile, and you had to quicken your pace as dorian began to descend the stairs faster, taking you with him.

as you entered the room, his eyes began to search for azriel and you only had a second to register his happiness before he let go of your hand and ran towards your husband.

"daddy!" he shouted, his voice filled with joy.

azriel's lip formed a smile the moment he son your son running towards him.

the male stood up just in time to catch the little boy who threw himself into his arms, the little boy's arms wrapping tightly around his neck.

"hey, sweetheart," azriel said, hugging dorian just as tightly.

dorian snuggled into his father's embrace, his face on his neck "you're here!" he exclaimed, his excitement echoing through the walls.

"of course," azriel replied, his hand caressing your son's back "i promised you and your mommy, didn't i?"

"yes, yes!" dorian confirmed, too excited to contain his happiness.

your heart melted at the sight, grateful for having your two favorite boys with you.

you approached them, your hand going to dorian's hair and ruffle it a little "did you like your present?"

dorian lifted his head to look at you, his smile never flattering "yes, best present ever!"

at the mention of presents, the other boys couldn't contain themselves.

"when can we open the presents?" kaden asked from his seat on nesta's lap.

"soon, we still have to eat dinner first, son." cassian told him, ruffling his hair.

"can't we just have dinner later?" nyx insisted, more than ready to open his presents.

the boys eyes flickered between the adults and all the presents gathered under the tree.

even dorian couldn't hide his eagerness to open his.

you, living up to the title of coolest aunt, had no choice but to back up the children "since we're all here, we might as well take advantage and open the presents."

the children cheered and didn't waste another second before launching themselves towards their presents.

your heart swelled with love and affection, seeing that dorian was happy, his sadness from earlier completely forgotten.

you and azriel observed as he opened his presents, his face lit up.

your arms wrapped around azriel's waist, pulling him closer to you "thank you."

azriel's hands found their place on your hips, as they belong there "for what?"

you studied his features before answering softly "for keeping your promise."

azriel's eyes softened, his heart filled with pride and love "of course, there's nowhere else where i would rather be than here."

you couldn't help the small blush that painted your cheeks and drew a chuckle of amusement from azriel.

you leaned forward to peck his lips, enjoy your little bubble of love for a little longer.

"i love you," you whispered to him.

he rested his forehead against yours, his hands leaving your hips and finding your baby bump.

"i love you more."

you didn't try to argue with him, knowing already how azriel had about a thousand arguments to use in his favor and how he was the one who loved you more.

with a small peck to his nose, you reluctantly pulled away.

azriel took a seat on the sofa, pulling you to sit on his lap while you both watched your son opening his presents.

cassian passed his present to dorian, a box so big it was almost the size of the little boy.

"that's a big present, dorian. what is it?" azriel asked, his arm coming to surround your waist.

you looked at cassian, silently asking him what could he possibly have got dorian that needed a box so big.

when he replied to you with a mischief grin and a wink of an eye, you knew you were in trouble.

"oh, no," you mumbled.

nyx and kaden let out small gasps as dorian's face lit up so much that it could have been a shooting star.

"it's a guitar!" dorian exclaimed with widened eyes and a bright smile.

you and azriel freezed, your mouths slightly opening, not believing what you had just heard.

you both looked at cassian at the same time.

the general dismissed you with a shrug of his shoulders "what? dorian is the baby of the family, he deserves special presents."

you and azriel kept looking at him dumbfounded, your reaction making everyone laugh.

"oh, this is priceless," rhys said, taking a sip of his wine.

nesta patted your knee, her face red from laughter "good luck."

you and azriel looked at each other speechless, but you didn't have time to try to say something when the sound of the guitar reached your ears.

"this is so cool! thank you, uncle cass!" dorian exclaimed.

"you're welcomed, kiddo," cassian replied while ignoring the glares he was receiving from you and azriel.

he was enjoying this entire situation too much to care about your death stares.

however, when on the following winter solstice, you and azriel offered kaden a drum set, cassian didn't find it that funny.

a/n: thank you for reading!

general taglist: @emryb @fantasyandshit @azrielover @shadowsingercassia @littlelou22 @brieflyclassymortal @lilah-asteria @meul-a @lure-of-writing @pruvii @olive-main @mybestfriendmademe @anuttellaa @mrsjna @lively-potter @avajustreads @talesofadragon @circe143 @starswholistenanddreamsanswered @dark-chaos-314 @tequilya @scoliobean @saltedcoffeescotch @charlotteintumbleland @agirlwithwifiandalaptop @987coley

*if you asked to be tagged and you weren't, it's because i couldn't find your blog.

dividers by @cafekitsune

#acotar #acotar fandom #acotar fanfiction #acotar fic #azriel #azriel shadowsinger #azriel x reader #azriel x you #cassian #rhysand #feyre archeron #nesta archeron #azriel acotar #azriel spymaster #azriel x y/n #azriel x female!reader

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