really-happened

[really-happened]

[really-happened]

"Be careful who you trust, the devil was once an angle."

My friend's inspirational quote in her wallet

[really-happened]

Host at a party: Time to get the straws out! *pulls out pack of plastic straws* Oops, we're not using those! Save the turtles everyone! ;)

Me to my mom: B-but she had to buy them-

My mom: I know sweetheart just calm down

Me, holding a picture of Tuck the turtle: She doesn't deserve that hydroflask.

Tuck is a real turtle! Well, sort of

HE'S REAL TO ME

[really-happened]

Me, reading a fanfic: This masterpiece has great plot development, character arcs, and superb writing! I can't wait to finish-

Me: ... I said I can't w-

Me: ...I -

Me: ...

[really-happened]

Friend: Yeah, Aaron was my only friend, so I used to hang out with him a lot.

Me, distractedly: So basically, you used to cling to him like how a newborn infant clings to a mother's breast?

Friend: ...

Me: ...

Friend: Why are you allowed words

[really-happened]

During class, friend: Hey can I look at your notes?

Me, ears clogged as hell: No, I don't have any nuts. I'm allergic.

Friend: No, your N O T E S.

Me: I'm A L L E R G I C

Friend, frustrated: Forget about it!

Me, panicking: I CAN'T IT'S AN ALLERGY

Extra:

Friend, after figuring out the misunderstanding: Are you actually allergic?

Me: No, I was just scared when you talked to me out of nowhere.

[really-happened]

Friend: so, yeah, my grandparents are like really old

Me: oh so like 80?

Friend: no they're dead

Me: PFFF-

[really-happened]

Frickity frack, clickity clack, come on mom give me some crack.

Me, at 5am this morning

[really-happened]

Me standing on a stage:

Is a marshmallow full of ice cream just American mochi?

*pulls out thick ass binder*

Welcome to my TED talk.