realmoftruth

[realmoftruth]

July 17, 2017

I dont know why your friend call me pie I dont know why I always see you smile I dont know why I feel like this oh why. Something in you makes me scared Its like you can spill something about me and you dont even care. Why my question, cant you let me spare.

[realmoftruth]

I didn't put a blade on my skin for 365 days.

[realmoftruth]

[realmoftruth]

Instagram:Lexx_grant

[realmoftruth]

[realmoftruth]

You need a private talk? Just message me !:)

[realmoftruth]

Today I was awaken by the voice of yours, Shouting. I am inside my room when I hearm those shout of yours. Not to me but to my brother. You know that my brother is dont you? You know that he is not mentally stable? So how could you shout at him that he should leave this house and be independent out there? I know we did a wrong thing, we leave the house and entrust it with our workers then go to the mall cause our aunt told us to go with her there with her family. As a Kid in mind, I wanna go there too but a side of me dont want to cause the house will be left with no one but I dont want to be left out again. Know why? causs you always making me feel that. I always feel that I am not your family anymore, like fuck I did things that I thought you'll be proud of. I joined swimming even I know I'm not a swimmer. got in to the varsity team on the second try and I told you those guys. Mom was really happy she says it's good for my lungs, but even once you didnt go to see my competition. I am fucking jealous everytime I see a parent/s proud of their child, giving their support even when they're busy. Are you really that busy that you couldn't even watch any of my competition? I worked hard to have my medals so I have something to show you guys when I got home but what? even if I got 4 medals only for that day you didn't even asked me if im good, if anything is hurting, if i feel like my energy is drowning, that you're proud of me for having those fucking medals. But do I get? your nagging about how nuisance I am, that I am only about wasting money. Dont you know your words will reflect on your child? Look at me im a mess, I know I cant achieve my dreams cause im dumb, I am nothing, I am useless, you made me feel like im a trash, that I was born just to feel the hate and not worthy to be happy. I cant even audition properly cause I am always overthinking that im not in for this and that I dont have this talent and that they will all just laugh on me. I just lost my confidence cause know what, even my dad dont believe in me. Now back to the reality, you shouted that you wont be cooking for us that we should find our own food, that we should use the money that is given to us. Every move, you always tell us to use that money even the school supplies that I need you mention 'Dont I have a money?' why? It's your responsibility to buy me those cause it's needed for school. I hate thinking about those cause tgis year I'll graduate from highschool, now what do I get after that? This year I'll graduate highschool and it's also my debut, I'm not even thinking of having a party cause I know it wont happen cause you dont like those things. (except when your son christening. Well I understand that cause you know every christening of a child should be celebrated and I know you also celebrated mine, did you?) I know that if I want to have a party for the so called 'debut' and 'once in a lifetime' day I have to use my own money. I'm really jealous how my friends parents asked their daughters like 'oh it'll be your 18th soon what theme do you like for your party' 'how many guest do you want' 'where do you want the party to be done' and I am here asking myself why am I alive? Do I even have a parents? Am I that little demon judas sent to suffer here. I really dont know what will happen to me in the near future. I have plans that I want to take medicine in Manila cause It'll give me credits after I graduate, that I want to try and take exam to different universities there but it all crash when I remember you. You dont even know what my dreams are cause for you im just a failure right? When we're at the car heading back home from manila I told you that I want to be a surgeon but I expect too much, you dont believe in me so how could I believe myself that I can be a doctor, that I can finish those years of studying. I really dont wanna wake up for tommorow and for the next day and for the next week and month and years. Let me have my peace. I really wanna achieve my dreams but being alive is being with you and being with you feels like suffer, that judas is here to take my credits. I just wanna end my life and meet mom. I know I wont even have a step in Gods land cause all of the bad things i've done, so for the last thing that you can do to me, I am humbly asking you to pray for me so that I could lose some of my sins, I know what i'll do is a major sin but living now is really hard. I dont want to have this feelings anymore. Thankyou for giving me life, thankyou for working I appreciate that, thankyou for sheltering us, thankyou for feeding us, thankyou for letting us study, thankyou for the things that you gave to me but im really really tired now, I hate it when my deppresion is triggered, all I am thinking right now is how to end my life, that im really tired, that I dont want to feel this way again. Maybe tonights the night, you dont care about us, you'll be like inside your room and us too so if I overdose on some kind of medicine I'll be the end of me.

[realmoftruth]

teamwork really did make the dream work

[realmoftruth]

Luv how it looked like.

The common and humble Dandelion as a symbol means:

Healing from emotional pain and physical injury alike

Intelligence, especially in an emotional and spiritual sense

The warmth and power of the rising sun

Surviving through all challenges and difficulties

Long lasting happiness and youthful joy

Getting your wish fulfilled

Since the Dandelion can thrive in difficult conditions, it is no wonder that people say the flower symbolizes the ability to rise above life’s Challenges.

In Norway, løvetannbarn (Dandelion children) means resilient kids that have struggled and survived almost impossible upbringing.

Just sayin.

[realmoftruth]

100 days of productivity: • 16/200 •

Pre-exam day. Solving previous exams and then later I’ll start reviewing everything. The goal is not to freak out about numbers and calculations. I don’t even hate math.. but law + math = nightmares.

[realmoftruth]

. . . (Dont Have a Title)

She was so scared. "I am hearing loud voices mom" she told her mom but she was ignored. She scratched her head while looking left and right, "stop it you look crazy" Her mom said. She was really scared-- no! Frightend was the right word. Her mother didnt know what she was thinking that time. "Where are you?" Shouted the mom to her daughter, but she was shocked when she opened her door, her daughter was hanging on the ceiling the whole day. The mother face her left and shocked was added when she sees her daughters letter written with her daughters blood, 'She said I dont have a purpose in these world so she killed me' the mother cries as she questioned herself who is 'she'. The mother walk near her daughter and see a writing on her daughter chest. 'I AM HER'.

[realmoftruth]

BANGTAN 💕

I hate the internet here in my place. It's like we're paying for nothing. Can't fangirl Bangtan because the internet sucks. Cant watch BBMA/Billboard Vids of BTS because again the internet sucks. Can't even see new newsfeed in my Facebook account like whuut? Please, just please I wish 11:11 to let our internet connection be steady to fast. We've report it but nothing happened.

[realmoftruth]

To the Boy who Hurt me. As I walk through the path way, I realized there's nothing wrong with my day, But suddenly you came to say hey. I know its been so long since i see you, But who knew that you'll change into new, Still there's something bothering me and heres a few. I still wanna know why you left me hanging, hanging without any reason and here I am changing, Changing the fact that I still have feelings for you but i gave myself a warning. Enough, I said to myself those days, I wanna delete you from my head if I may, But I am thankful that you give color to my black and white life while you're on your way, On your way to break my heart into pieces and leave me hanging on that day.

[realmoftruth]

What I See What I see is what you can't see This isn't my imagination It's a problem in me And the whole nation. At first I thought I was overreacting Thought the world is really changing I was hurt by what they're doing Oh, People look at me judging. You don't dress as they want They'll judge You dress nicely and comfortable Still, oh fudge. Our generation teach all of this Im here alone thinking what did we miss Is it the attention that we lack Is it the morals that we didn't have? Oh Fuck.

[realmoftruth]

NO ONE ASKED No one asked me how im doin' am i fine? Do i feel great today? What you doin'? Have you eaten your lunch? Am i Sick? I AM. I am sick of all this things roaming aroung my head. Silently telling me to fuck off. Get a Life. Man up. This is reality. Kill yourself. Everyday we met at those corridors, we see each other at canteen, you all bid goodbyes to your friends, but why do i feel like you haven't said a thing to me. You don't know how it felt like. It feels like drowning. Drowning in sorrows with questions circling around my head, One of them was 'Am i even your friend?' I am tired. I am tired of understanding people around me. tired of pretending to be happy. tired to be left out. tired of giving up thats why I tried. I tried giving life a chance, but all of you just hurt me again. I told you I was okay. I lied. I am a girl lying on the cold tiles barely looking the stars through my bathrooms little window with a slit on my both hands.

[realmoftruth]

Luv this

Boyfriend Taehyung Wallpapers 🤷‍♂️ Please like/reblog if you save~

[realmoftruth]

COLORING BOOK

Oh how i love colors. red for happiness, yellow for new beggining, green to heal, blue for faith, white for purity and black for power.

Our generation suddenly dont know how color can manipulate our mind. Oh i forgot it does. it does manipulate us. Girls in our generation is too insecure to the point that we can now change our faces by the power of make up.

Make up? yeah its color. It makes us girls happy. no, not only us but guys too. They’re the main reason why girls wants make up. desperately wanting their attention too. Desperately catching the crowds attention to show that you have a purpose too.

I got sad knowing that me myself has now been slowly captivated by the power of make up, By the crowds unhealthy mind labeling every person who’s this who’s that, who needs to be their friend and who needs to be casted out. How I pity those persons who needs to change their selves just to have “friends”. I told you I myself is slowly minding the crowds decision. I pity myself for wanting my friends attention. I pity myself for spending thousand and thousand just to be with my friends. I regret doing that instead of saving for my future.

Now i want to tell you how my coloring book looks like. Red for blood, yellow is making me anxious, green gives me anxiety, blue for depression, white for nothingness and black for death. I dont know why but those other colors seems empty to me, not that i cant put meaning to it but its just a plain and empty colors.

I also like looking at the sky. Day or Night. at Day its just empty plain blue with clouds filled with water, and oh the polluted air. and at Night, its the same, just the stars aint that bright like they used to be. How i wish my mind is as empty as them.

Now, Could you tell me what’s inside your coloring book?