redwinediary

[redwinediary]

entry 1: emotions

this is my first entry!! yay :D

what you should know about me is that I'm a very very emotional person. i don't know how and who to blame for that but i am; i cry doing anything and that's just how it is. someone yelling at me? crying. someone showing that they care about me? crying. it's something that i don't like since i would like to show other basic human emotion that isn't crying. a part of me wants to blame astrology since my moon, sun and rising is all three water signs but blaming my emotions on stars is fucked. my upbringing isn't any better and not to play into the stereotype of oversharing online but my family is fucked up to say the least.

if you've watched inside out, sadness and anxiety for sure ar the bosses in my mind (i have not watched the second movie so i do not know what it is about). in relationships, it's even worse but that's another topic for another day since that in itself is going to be a L O N G post, but recently i kind of got my heart broken by a man who i gave a chance to, i can't get into that now either cause it's fresh in my mind. fresh meaning it's been 2 weeks and I'm dumb and can't move on. you really do know a heartbreak is bad when I've spent my hard-earned money on self-help books to help me regulate my emotions.

i do get attached to the men, even in the talking stage since i have attachment issues. it is bad for me, i am more than self-aware and i am trying my best to work on it. again, that's another story for another day.

emotionally i feel so mature and also immature if that makes sense? in comparison to other people i know how to regulate and communicate my emotions but in hindsight, i have tendencies of shutting down completely and masking my emotions to protect the other person. in other words, I'm aware.

i feel like it just strained from just bottling everything up since i just don't want to burden or hinder people with my problems since I've been called "a lot" for emoting and letting my feelings known. so personally it's just better for me to stop telling everyone to make everyone else happy and content. i know it's bad and i should not. self-awareness is key, but doing something to change your habits is even better.

anyways, that's it for now <3

bella xx

[redwinediary]

introductions

hello world!

this is just a quick faceless blog that I decided out of nowhere to make? I'm not sure why but as the bio says, I've compared myself to Carrie Bradshaw so much that I might as well make my own column (this blog).

redwinediary is just a cute name I thought of since it fits my aesthetic the best. it's just a place for me to vent, this is very very casual and it's a blog where i yap my thoughts. almost like my public diary.

just a quick broad introduction:

i'll be going by the name bella (feel free to call me that, it is not my name)

i'll be turning 22 this year

my astrological sign is cancer

i live in canada

i love books and reading

music runs through my blood

honestly that's all i could think of, feel free to ask me anything if i haven't mentioned it.

if someone does happen to read this hi :) follow me and stay tuned to listen about my dysfunctional life.

bella xx