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The Bathing Pool (Hubert Robert, 1733 - 1808)

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「 I was just too afraid

Of what I could not name 」

- Casket Cassette, Gravity

Love Letters To Ghosts.

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At your lowest, you realize a lot.

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And when YJH, alone, in space, read the novel HSY wrote, he finally felt like he could understand Kim Dokja just a little.

That novel became his only hope, what kept him from dying, from going insane.

He even managed to know himself in a way he had never imagined; not a regressor, not anymore, but a reader too, a character who escaped by breaking the chains, a man whose purpose is still being sought.

And perhaps, that was the only end he was looking for, the only version worth fighting for, what now allows him to take a look at his ■■.

Perhaps, KDJ and YJH have never been so close like in those exact moments: So distant, yet so close, maybe even one single individual.

«Stories began leaking out from the ripped-open gaps of the tattered spacesuit. Bit by bit, he was losing his strength. His lengthy regression journey. Yoo Joonghyuk instinctively realized that this was his conclusion.

'This is the end I wished to see'.

It could've been a slightly more excellent conclusion. If he had made a different choice back then, or maybe, if he chose to go down the better direction, then…

Yoo Joonghyuk smiled bitterly.

In the end, he remained a regressor even until his final moment. He knew it. He knew there was no better conclusion than this.

He knew that, regardless of what choices he might have made in different moments of his life, he'd still end up regretting something about them.

Even then, he'd regret and eventually, repeat the result of all his regretting.»

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One of my favourite quotes from "White Nights" is, and will forever remain:

“You know, we thank some people for merely living at the same time as we do.

I thank you for the fact that I met you, that I will remember you for all my life.”

The memory of someone is the best gift we can ever receive; it will last, until we'll no longer possess the strength to make it survive.

As long as the ghost of us lives in someone else's mind, we will never perish.

We spend entire lives trying to perfect our external image, only to be later remembered through fragments, nothing more, nothing less; mere aspects we are not even sure belong to us, yet they define us.

Haunted by the fear of being forgotten, blinded by such futile paranoias.

Empty existences, we believe in our meaningless identity, unaware of infinite exceptions which, in one way or another, have already started registering our presence, loving our personality, appreciating what we failed to protect.

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I love her, she's my favourite character.

invisible ink

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23 dicembre 1915, dalle trincee di combattimento.

“Non sono mai stato tanto attaccato alla vita.”

- Giuseppe Ungaretti, Il Porto Sepolto

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So before I start simping over everyone, I really want to talk about something this weeks chapter shows us, that being Yoo Joonghyuk's willingness to help Dokja no matter what. Lets start with this scene:

We know what happened in the 2nd regression, we know the sheer amount of pain and torment YJH went through, specifically here in the first Murim. We'll see later in the story how much of a lasting impact this moment had on him, but right now I think it's important to realize that for a regressor like YJH this specific moment probably feels like it just happened. To him, he recently watched his world burn down around him and his companions bleed out in front of him. But yet he's here again. Now, I know it could be said that he's only here for some items like Dokja bribes him with, which is true, but at this point in time YJH believes that he can get by without learning from the Sword Saint at all. But yet. We see this happen:

Dokja calls for him, and even though it takes him a moment and it looks like he wont actually come, he does. He puts aside his past and stands up for Dokja when he needs him

This is a big moment for him, even if it doesn't seem like it. We as the reader know that YJH will need the skills he'll learn here in the later scenarios, but he doesn't know that. He sees his painful past and wants to run away from it (which is a consistent theme with him). But the very moment Dokja asks for his help, he's there.

I think this really starts to show just how deep YJH actually trusts Dokja. As harsh as he can be with him, when it really matters Joonghyuk will throw away his own wants and feelings to support Dokja. This is going to become more and more evident as the story goes on, ultimately culminating in the epilogues, but it's very fascinating to see that it all really started here, this being one of the first times Joonghyuk really starts to confront his painful past in service of Dokja.

But of course, he still looks cool as shit doing it:

I absolutely adore how they've portrayed transcendence here. It was always kind of hard for me reading the novel to picture transcendence, but seeing it here really puts into perspective how amazing the act of transcendence really is when it comes to Joonghyuk.

We also get to see him softer! I think this links back to my first point pretty well; Joonghyuk in the 2nd regression was a very very different character than the one we know. Obviously this is for many different reasons, but I do enjoy that we get to peak behind the curtain to see how he was before tragedy struck him. (Because remember, the 2nd regression is the first one that truly ends in tragedy, as far as we know the 1st ended pretty tame and the 0th. Well. We know how that ended).

BUT GODDAMN DID THEY HAVE TO ALSO GIVE US THIS IN THE SAME CHAPTER. HOOOO BOY DO I UNDERSTAND DOKJA A LOT MORE.

Speaking of, for all of us women enjoyers out there:

Mommy? Sorry, mommy? Sorry, Mommy?

I fucking love her and I want her to crush me with her big arms holy. I may be ace but I love a big powerful women. Hnnnn

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He despises his own being, so he chooses to express it by recognising in others what it actually belongs to him: shadows, aspects, traits.

He finds himself loathing what defines him.

Kim Dokja despises mainly three things/people—Kim Namwoon, the constellations, and his mother.

He hates Kim Namwoon for his hypocrisy, for the gall he has to fight alongside Yoo Jonghyuk as his companion despite his evil and unworthy nature. He hates the constellations for watching him and his companions' suffering from afar for their own entertainment. Lastly, he hates his mother because she imposed her own self-sacrifice on him by taking his role as a 'murderer' and deceiving him. She assumed that was what's best for him without even hearing out what he had to say, abandoning him as a result.

It all sounds familiar, doesn't it?

You then realize he despises them because they remind him of himself. Because there's no one Kim Dokja loathes more than his very own being.

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Kaizenix.

I will never get over Kaizenix; HSY waited 50 years for her sole reader.

The way her speech began to slowly change, it began to fade, yet she still waited, she still showed us she perfectly knows her reader.

⸢Oh, my sole reader. This is the tale of a certain woman who managed to survive in the messed-up scenario.⸥

Goosebumps began slowly rising up from the ends of my neck. This was the recorded history of Han Sooyoung's life; words containing her rage, her resentment, and her longing.

⸢I don't know whether you're a suitable guy for this 'three methods' or not, but at the least, I'm sure of this one thing.⸥

The following words were eerily similar to a certain body of text that I was familiar with.

⸢The you reading this story will definitely make it out of here alive.⸥

The TWSA/ORV beginning foreshadowing is showing.

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Uno, Nessuno e Centomila: X, Due Visite

"Voi, all'improvviso, cioè all'arrivo del vostro nuovo amico, vi siete scoperto due, uno così dall'altro diverso, che per forza a un certo punto, non resistendo più, avete dovuto mandarne via uno. Non il vostro vecchio amico, no; avete mandato via voi stesso, quell'uno che siete per il vostro vecchio amico, perch�� lo avete sentito tutt'altro da quello che siete, o volete essere, per il nuovo. Incompatibili non erano tra loro quei due, estranei l'uno all'altro, garbatissimi entrambi e fatti fors'anche per intendersi a maraviglia; ma i due voi che all'improvviso avete scoperto in voi stesso. Non avete potuto tollerare che le cose dell'uno fossero mescolate con quelle dell'altro, non avendo esse propriamente nulla in comune tra loro. [...] E nell'imbarazzo insostenibile di trovarvi, così, due, contemporaneamente, avete cercato una scusa meschina per liberarvi, non d'uno di loro, ma d'uno dei due che quei due vi costringevano ad essere a un tempo. Sù sù, tornate a leggere questo mio libretto, senza più sorridere come avete fatto finora."

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Uno, Nessuno, e Centomila.

"La solitudine non è mai con voi; è sempre senza di voi, e soltanto possibile con un estraneo attorno: luogo o persona che sia, che del tutto vi ignorino, che del tutto voi ignoriate, così che la vostra volontà e il vostro sentimento restino sospesi e smarriti in un'incertezza angosciosa e, cessando ogni affermazione di voi, cessi l'intimità stessa della vostra coscienza. La vera solitudine è in un luogo che vive per sé e che per voi non ha traccia né voce, e dove dunque l'estraneo siete voi. Così volevo io esser solo. Senza me. Voglio dire senza quel me ch'io già conoscevo, o che credevo di conoscere." - Luigi Pirandello

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I love that every single time Kim Dokja and Han Sooyoung are together, they start going on about philosophy and exisitalism. That's just the way they communicate, abstractly and constantly debating the meaning of life and speaking figuratively. Their conversations are fascinating. I think they both have a really intellectual connection. They both enjoy engaging in complex discussions and exploring established idea and tearing them apart and questioning/challenging everything. Both of them thrive on dismantling established ideas, challenging assumptions, and thinking outside the box. Whenever they cross paths, they have intellectually stimulating conversations that have them re-contextualizing their preconceived notions. It’s so fun to watch/read them engage in serious discussions, when they lead to open-minded theories and new perspectives

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Let the protagonist and the reader meet, countless fragments of each other's identity.