renaiscance

[renaiscance]

Cultivating Feelings of Acceptance, Care, and Kindness Toward One’s Body

Have you ever looked in the mirror and found it difficult to feel content or accepting of the person staring back at you? This struggle is more common than you might think.

Cultivating feelings of acceptance, care, and kindness toward one’s body is crucial for emotional well-being, yet many of us find this challenging.

Why is this so important? Because a positive body image can significantly affect your mental health, self-confidence, and overall happiness.

When you learn to embrace and nurture your body, you open the door to a more fulfilling and harmonious life.

Steps to Cultivate Feelings of Acceptance, Care, and Kindness Toward Your Body 

Embracing feelings of acceptance, care, and kindness toward your body is a transformative journey that starts from within.

It involves changing your internal dialogue, dismantling ingrained societal pressures, and embracing your unique self with compassion.

By adopting constructive habits and mindful practices, you can nurture a positive relationship with your body, ultimately leading to a more fulfilled and emotionally balanced life. 

Each step in this journey is designed to help you foster an internal environment of self-love and acceptance.

From practicing self-compassion to seeking professional guidance, these actionable strategies will guide you in creating a supportive and nurturing framework that honors your body.

Together, we will explore these steps in depth, empowering you with the tools to cultivate a genuine appreciation and kindness toward your own physical being.

Step 1: Practice Self-Compassion 

Embracing self-compassion is crucial for creating a supportive and nurturing relationship with your body. Being kind to yourself in moments of struggle lays the foundation for emotional resilience. 

Cultivating self-compassion involves treating yourself with the same understanding and support you would offer a dear friend. 

Acknowledge Your Feelings: Recognize and accept any negative feelings you have about your body. It's normal to have insecurities.

Talk Kindly to Yourself: Replace self-critical thoughts with positive affirmations. For instance, if you catch yourself thinking negatively, counteract it with a kind statement like, "I am worthy and enough just as I am."

Practice Mindfulness: Engage in mindfulness exercises such as deep breathing or meditation that help you stay connected to the present moment and reduce anxious thoughts about your body.

This practice can help you navigate challenges without succumbing to self-criticism. Over time, you'll find that fostering a compassionate mindset significantly enhances your overall well-being.

Step 2: Engage in Nourishing Activities 

 Participating in activities that make you feel good can significantly enhance your feelings of acceptance, care, and kindness toward your body.

These activities can range from physical exercises like yoga or walking to creative outlets such as painting or journaling.

Identify Joyful Activities: Make a list of activities that you genuinely enjoy and make you feel good, whether it's dancing, painting, or walking in nature.

Set Regular Time: Allocate specific times throughout the week to engage in these activities. Consistent practice can help reinforce positive body feelings.

Reflect on Positive Experiences: After engaging in these activities, take a moment to reflect on how they made you feel. Express gratitude for your body's ability to participate.

Engaging in such practices allows you to connect with your body in a positive way, reinforcing the belief that it is worthy of love and care. Additionally, these activities can act as stress relievers, contributing to an overall sense of well-being.

Step 3: Build a Supportive Environment 

Surrounding yourself with positive influences contributes to developing a healthier body image and promotes feelings of acceptance, care, and kindness toward your body.  

Whether it's friends, family, or even social media, the people and content you engage with can significantly shape your self-perception.

Choose to be around individuals who uplift and support you, and consider unfollowing or distancing yourself from sources of negativity or unrealistic standards. 

Evaluate Your Social Circle: Assess the people you spend the most time with. Do they support and uplift you, or do they contribute to negative body perceptions?

Choose Positive Influences: Cultivate relationships with individuals who encourage body positivity and self-acceptance.

Limit Exposure to Negative Media: Be mindful of the media content you consume. Follow social media accounts that promote body diversity and positivity, and avoid those that propagate unrealistic body standards.

Create a Positive Space: Make your physical space a haven of positivity by decorating it with inspiring quotes, affirmations, and images that celebrate body diversity.

Positive interactions not only enhance your emotional well-being but also help you build a more compassionate view of your body.

Step 4: Practice Mindful Awareness 

Mindful awareness is crucial in cultivating feelings of acceptance, care, and kindness toward one’s body. By being present and attentive to your thoughts, emotions, and bodily sensations, you become more attuned to your needs and can respond with greater compassion. 

Breathe Deeply: Start your day with a few minutes of deep breathing. This can help center your mind and prepare you for mindful awareness throughout the day.

Body Scanning: Scan your body from head to toe. Acknowledge any tension or discomfort without judgment and breathe into those areas to release tension.

Journaling: Maintain a journal where you record your thoughts and feelings about your body. Reflect on what you appreciate about it, and note moments when you've shown it care and kindness.

Mindful Eating: Pay close attention to the flavors, textures, and sensations while eating. This practice can help you develop a healthier relationship with food and your body.

This practice allows you to break free from autopilot behaviors and destructive thought patterns that often perpetuate body dissatisfaction.

It encourages patience and understanding, helping you navigate challenges without harsh self-judgment. As you cultivate this awareness, you begin to appreciate your body for what it can do rather than solely focusing on its appearance.

Step 5: Seek Professional Guidance 

Sometimes, cultivating feelings of acceptance, care, and kindness toward one’s body can be challenging to do alone. Professional support can offer personalized strategies and tools to help you on your journey. The guidance from these experts is tailored to your unique experiences and emotions, providing a roadmap for deeper self-understanding. 

Therapist or Counselor: Engage with a therapist who specializes in body image issues and self-esteem. They can provide tailored guidance and emotional support to navigate difficult emotions.

Nutritionist or Dietitian: Consult a registered nutritionist who can offer advice on how to nourish your body with respect and care, promoting a positive relationship with food.

Support Groups: Join support groups, either in-person or online, where you can share experiences and gain insights from others facing similar challenges.

Educational Workshops: Attend workshops or seminars on body acceptance and self-love to broaden your understanding and gather practical tips.

Additionally, they can assist in resolving underlying issues that may be impacting how you view your body, such as past traumas or ingrained societal pressures. By engaging with a therapist or counselor, you gain a compassionate ally committed to your emotional well-being and self-acceptance.

Helpful Tips and Common Mistakes 

To successfully cultivate feelings of acceptance, care, and kindness toward one’s body, it’s crucial to be mindful of certain strategies and potential pitfalls. Here are some expert tips and warnings to guide you on this journey.  

Developing a positive relationship with your body is an ongoing process that often requires patience and persistence.

By being aware of strategies that promote well-being and avoiding common mistakes, you set yourself up for a more compassionate self-view. These insights can significantly enhance your emotional health and overall happiness.

Helpful Tips 

Set Realistic Goals: Begin with small, manageable changes rather than overly ambitious ones. This helps in maintaining consistency and motivation.

Celebrate Progress: Acknowledge and celebrate small victories. This reinforcement creates a positive feedback loop, encouraging continued efforts.

Personalize Your Routine: Tailor activities and mindfulness practices to fit your unique preferences and lifestyle. Personalization increases the likelihood of sustained practice.

Journaling: Keep a journal to reflect on your emotions, accomplishments, and areas of improvement. Writing can serve as a therapeutic outlet and a record of your journey.

Common Mistakes 

Perfectionism: Expecting immediate, perfect results can lead to frustration and discouragement. Remember, cultivating positive feelings is a gradual process.

Negative Self-Talk: Falling into the trap of self-criticism can undermine your progress. Combat this by practicing positive affirmations and reframing negative thoughts.

Ignoring Emotional Health: Focusing solely on physical changes without addressing emotional well-being can hinder holistic growth. Balance both aspects for overall improvement.

Skipping Steps: Avoid skipping foundational steps like self-compassion or building a supportive environment, as these are essential for sustainable progress.

The journey to cultivating feelings of acceptance, care, and kindness toward one’s body can be challenging, but with mindful practices and avoiding common pitfalls, it is entirely achievable.

Embracing your body begins with shifting your mindset and recognizing your intrinsic value beyond physical appearance.

By consistently practicing self-compassion and engaging in body-positive activities, you can transform negative perceptions into affirming ones.

Remember, the goal is progress, not perfection, and every small step counts toward a healthier relationship with your body.

Conclusion

In summary, the journey to cultivating feelings of acceptance, care, and kindness towards your body involves practicing self-compassion, engaging in nourishing activities, building a supportive environment, practicing mindful awareness, and seeking professional guidance when necessary.

By following these steps, you can achieve a greater sense of self-acceptance and emotional well-being. 

I encourage you to embark on this process, as it offers profound benefits, including improved mental health, a stronger sense of self-worth, and a more positive relationship with your body.

Remember, progress may be gradual, but each step you take is a significant move towards a healthier and more compassionate self-view. 

Why not start today? Try incorporating these steps into your routine, share your experiences and successes, and explore additional articles on self-acceptance and emotional well-being. The road to loving your body starts here!

[renaiscance]

Why You Can't Lose Weight Even on a Diet

Can't lose weight even though you're following a diet? You're not alone. It's a frustration shared by many people who find themselves questioning where their efforts go astray. Diets promise results, yet they often fail to deliver. Why? 

Let's explore: 

Physiological Factors: Your body might be working against you, slowing down metabolism and storing fat even more efficiently with each diet attempt.

Psychological Barriers: Restrictive eating can create an all-or-nothing mindset, leading to cycles of deprivation and binging/.

Sustainable Habits: Rather than temporary diets, you need lasting changes in lifestyle and eating habits.

The truth is, dieting often leads to more weight gain. Understanding why can help you find a better path." – Expert Nutritionist This journey is about uncovering the hidden reasons behind dieting failures and paving a new way forward for your health and well-being.

Why Diets Don't Work 

If you're wondering why you can't lose weight even while following a diet, you're not alone. Many people face the same struggle, and it's crucial to understand that it's not your fault. There are physiological and psychological reasons why traditional dieting methods often fail. 

1.) Physiological Reasons 

Firstly, recognizing the physiological reasons why diets don't work is crucial. When you drastically reduce your calorie intake, your body perceives this as a threat and goes into "starvation mode." This means your metabolism slows down to conserve energy, making it harder to lose weight. Additionally, hormones such as ghrelin, which increases hunger, are elevated, leading to increased cravings and potential overeating once the diet ends. 

When you restrict your calorie intake, your body goes into survival mode. This triggers several physiological responses, including:  

Lowered Metabolism: Your body slows down its metabolic rate to conserve energy.

Increased Appetite: Hormones like ghrelin ramp up, making you feel hungrier.

Fat Storage: Your body becomes more efficient at storing fat to protect against perceived famine.

These responses can make it harder to stick to a diet and may explain why you still can't lose weight despite your best efforts. 

2.) Psychological Reasons 

Secondly, the psychology of dieting plays a significant role in why these methods often fail. The restrictive nature of diets can lead to feelings of deprivation, which in turn can cause a phenomenon known as "diet rebellion." This is where you end up binge eating the very foods you were trying to avoid, leading to a cycle of guilt and frustration. 

Dieting can also take a toll on your mental well-being, which can sabotage your efforts in the long run. Some key psychological factors include:  

Binge Eating: Restricting food can lead to binge eating episodes, causing weight gain.

Emotional Eating: Stress and negative emotions can trigger overeating as a coping mechanism.

Self-Loathing: Constantly failing at diets can lead to self-doubt and decreased motivation.1

Understanding these psychological elements can help you realize why you can't lose weight and what needs to change for a healthier approach. 

3.) Steps to Take for Lasting Change 

Instead of traditional dieting, consider these alternative strategies:  

By adopting these practices, you'll discover that the reason you can't lose weight might not be rooted in your willpower, but rather in the outdated methods of traditional dieting. 

Another major factor is the unrealistic expectations that many diets set. You're often promised rapid weight loss, which is not only unsustainable but can also be demoralizing when the weight inevitably creeps back. This can lead to a negative self-image and a harmful cycle of yo-yo dieting. 

Step 1: Focus on Nutrient-Dense Foods 

Instead of restricting yourself, prioritize foods that are rich in nutrients. This means incorporating more fruits, vegetables, whole grains, and lean proteins into your meals. By doing so, you're nourishing your body and giving it the fuel it needs to function optimally. 

Step 2: Listen to Your Body 

Learning to tune into your hunger and fullness cues can be transformative. Often, we eat out of habit, emotion, or social pressure rather than actual hunger. By paying attention to your body's signals, you can start eating more mindfully and avoid unnecessary overeating. 

Step 3: Challenge Negative Beliefs 

One of the most important steps you can take is to challenge your negative beliefs about food and your body. This means questioning the "diet mentality" that equates worth with weight and instead focusing on self-acceptance and health at any size. Embrace a holistic approach that values mental and emotional well-being as much as physical health. 

By adopting these practices, you'll discover that the reason you can't lose weight might not be rooted in your willpower, but rather in the outdated methods of traditional dieting. Sustainable weight loss and a healthier relationship with food are possible when you shift your focus from dieting to nurturing your body and mind.

Can't Lose Weight with Dieting

Can't lose weight despite your best efforts? You're not alone. The key to successful, lasting weight loss lies not in restrictive diets but in understanding your body's physiological needs, addressing the psychological factors at play, and adopting sustainable, health-focused habits.

By challenging negative beliefs and listening to your body's natural cues, you can create a balanced lifestyle that promotes not only weight loss but also overall well-being. Remember, the journey to a healthier you isn't about temporary fixes—it's about making a lifelong commitment to nurturing your body and mind.

[renaiscance]

Why am I eating so much Chips? 

Have you ever found yourself unable to stop eating potato chips once you've started? The "you can't eat just one" phenomenon is real, and it's not due to a lack of willpower. In fact, there are scientific and psychological reasons behind our cravings for crunchy, salty snacks.

In this blog, we'll explore the reasons behind our chip cravings, delving into the psychological and physiological factors that contribute to this common snacking habit. 

Join me as we uncover the hidden triggers and motivations that make chips so hard to resist, and learn how to enjoy them mindfully without the guilt.

The Science Behind Chip Cravings

Back in the 80s, there was a commercial for Lay’s potato chips and the tagline was, “Bet you can’t eat just one.” Just about everyone knows what it feels like to pick up a bag of chips intending to have just a few, and before you know it, the entire bag is gone.

If you think the explanation for the “you can’t eat just one” phenomenon is that you lack willpower, think again. The reason you can’t eat just one chip has to do with both science and psychology. 

Let’s discuss the science and psychology behind eating crunchy food and how this relates to emotional eating and binge eating disorder.

The Hedonic Scale

A study for the New England Journal of Medicine followed 120,877 people for over 30 years, tracking what they ate and how much they weighed. The participants who gained the most weight were those who ate too many potato chips.  

What is it about chips that make them so irresistible? Potato chips, tortilla chips, and other similar types of snacks are high in fat and carbohydrates. These snacks rate high on what is known as the “hedonic scale” of pleasurable foods.

Regarding food and eating behavior, the term “hedonic” refers to eating motivated by enjoyment rather than hunger. Some researchers believe some foods have a higher hedonic rating than others.

They think we have a hard time resisting chips because the combination of fat and carbs lights up the reward centers of our brains and makes us want more.

That’s basically the concept behind the theory of food addiction, which says that since food lights up the pleasure center in our brains, just like drugs do, those foods could be as addictive as drugs. 

But hold on a minute, and let's think about this. Sure, food activates the pleasure centers in our brain, but guess what? So does laughing, holding your baby, listening to music, and basically everything else that brings you joy.

Has anyone ever accused you of being addicted to laughter? Of course not! Because laughing, unlike having a larger body, isn't stigmatized in our society. And let's not forget, food is supposed to be pleasurable! It's what keeps us alive and well.

Our brains are wired to find pleasure in eating, and that's a good thing. As far as food addiction research is concerned, foods high in salt, and fat activate our pleasure centers more intensely than other foods.

We also know that deprivation makes the pleasure response even stronger. So, if you're constantly dieting (which, let's face it, so many of us are in this diet-obsessed culture), you're going to have a more intense pleasure response to those foods.

Food addiction research must take this deprivation factor into account. We’re not physically addicted to potato chips. But dieting can make us feel like we are. 

Taste Receptors

Here’s something interesting from a scientific perspective. If you regularly find that you can’t stop eating potato chips or other crunchy snack foods, it may have nothing to do with your brain. It might actually have more to do with your stomach.

We usually associate taste buds with our mouths. But did you know you also have taste receptors in your stomach and small intestines?

The taste buds on our tongues are associated with the part of our brains that perceives taste. But it is the taste buds in our stomach that activate the part of our brains that tell us we’re full. 

Anthony Sclafani, PhD, a behavioral neuroscientist who studies how our stomachs sense nutrients says, “We don’t normally think of the mouth as part of the gastrointestinal tract, but it’s the very beginning of that long, continuous tube. It’s not so surprising that receptors in the mouth are also found in the gut.”

Hormones

Our taste receptors register that we have food in our stomach, which signals our brains to increase the production of hormones that help us process that food. That, in turn, helps us realize when we’ve had enough to eat.  

GHRELIN - One of these hormones is called ghrelin (GREH-LIN) and is known as the “hunger hormone.” Ghrelin is an appetite stimulant that slows the metabolism, inhibits fat burning, and promotes fat storage. In our early days as humans, this hormone was essential to our survival and kept us from starving ourselves to death. Interestingly, dieting causes a rise in ghrelin. The more weight you lose, the higher your levels of ghrelin. That’s because your body doesn’t know you’re trying to lose weight to fit into a new outfit. Your body is simply doing what it was designed to do, which is to protect you from starving.

LEPTIN - Another hormone related to appetite is leptin, which regulates appetite and food intake. When we have high levels of leptin, our brain gets a signal that we’re full, so we stop eating. Lower levels of leptin make us feel hungrier and make it difficult to know when we are full and satisfied. Notably, leptin levels decrease after short-term fasting, another reason dieting or calorie restriction is a bad idea. Studies have shown that chronic sleep deprivation is associated with lower levels of leptin and higher levels of ghrelin. So, one strategy to stop eating too many chips, pretzels, or crunchy, salty snacks is to get more sleep.

The Hidden Culprit: Salt

Another ingredient in chips contributes to continual snacking. What’s this mystery culprit? Salt. That’s right, good old salt, which is a natural mineral made of two elements, sodium and chlorine. Salt consumption has been linked to obesity for two reasons:

1. DEHYDRATION

The first reason is dehydration. We often think we’re hungry when we’re really thirsty. So, if you feel a craving for salty potato chips, you may just need a drink of water.   Why is this?

If you become dehydrated, meaning that the level of fluids in your body is too low, your body craves salt. That’s nature’s way of making you drink more fluids.The next time you reach for a salty bag of chips, try having a cold glass of water and see what happens. The urge for salty chips just may disappear.

And if it doesn’t, try a healthier alternative to chips, such as roasted seaweed, which is low-calorie but loaded with health benefits. Seaweed is rich in iodine, and is a good source of B-12 and potassium.

Salty snacks have also been linked to calcium deficiency. Women on low-calcium diets often crave salty foods. If there is a correlation between calcium deficiency and salt cravings, having foods high in calcium, such as yogurt, almonds, tofu, and sardines may help reduce cravings for salty snacks.

2. INCREASED APPETITE

Salt appears to affect weight in other ways.  Researchers have found that “high sodium intake may be a potential risk factor for weight gain independent of calorie intake.” In two other studies, Australian researchers proved that adding salt to food increased food consumption by 11 percent.

The researchers looked at how full people felt after adding salt to their meals. Interestingly, they found a correlation between how much salt people added to their food and how much they ate. When given low-salt, high-fat foods, they ate less. Yet when they were given high-salt, high-fat foods, they ate significantly more food.

Professor Russell Keast, head of Deakin’s Centre for Advanced Sensory Science in Australia notes, “In an environment where too much energy is causing weight gain and diabetes, lowering salt could have a positive impact on our nation’s weight.”

Salt appears to impact the hormonal mechanisms that let us know we are full. That in turn can cause us to eat more food. So, if high-fat and high-salt foods inhibit the ability of our bodies to know when we are full, it makes sense that we can eat a bag of chips without registering how much we’ve actually eaten. 

The Crunch Factor

Science tells us that another reason potato chips feel so addictive has to do with the way they sound. Ever notice how often commercials promote crunchiness?

Take a look the next time you’re at the grocery store. Chips are advertised as “super crunchy” or “extra crunchy.” That’s because we have positive associations with foods that are at a certain specific level of crispness.

Think about the last time you bit into a stale chip. Yep, when the crunch is gone, that chip is not so appealing. In fact, a few decades ago, potato chip companies developed a machine to measure the level of crunch that consumers hear in their heads while eating chips.

They discovered the optimal level of crunch and manufactured their chips to match those crunch levels.  Richard Stevenson, an Oxford University researcher who studies the psychology of flavor, believes that crispness is an essential quality of flavor.

The crunchy sound that chips make when we chew crunchy food is a scientifically proven part of their appeal. The importance of that noise goes back 60 million years.

Back then, as humans were evolving from other primates, they ate a lot of insects. The crispier the insect, the more nutrition it provided. Nowadays we judge foods like apples, celery, or lettuce by their crunchiness.

The louder the crunch, the more vitamins and nutrients are retained. Potato chips are certainly not chock full of either vitamins or nutrients, so with chips, it’s about the fat. Our brains are better at detecting the fat in food than our mouths, and noisy chips are certainly full of fat. 

Charles Spence, a gastro-physicist and professor of experimental psychology, points out that crunchy foods are correlated with freshness. Spence says, “Sound is the forgotten flavor sense.

You can tell a lot about the texture of a food—think crispy, crunchy, and crackly—from the mastication sounds heard while biting and chewing.

The latest techniques from the field of cognitive neuroscience are revolutionizing our understanding of just how important what we hear is to our experience and enjoyment of food and drink.”

Spence and his colleagues concluded that sound, as well as taste, is part of the appeal of potato chips. That means you may crave salty, crunchy foods if you eat too many soft, smooth foods.

If you’re living on smoothies, yogurt, and soup, try changing things up a bit and add a variety of textures to your diet. Joseph Colella, M.D. confirms that when you’ve been eating too many mushy, soft foods, your salivary glands and the muscles in your jaw get bored. That’s when you crave crunchy foods.

As you can see, there are many neuroscientific reasons you can’t stop eating potato chips. Our physiology certainly influences our food choices. Yet our brains and gastrointestinal tracts are only part of the story.

Our brains are the control center of our bodies, but we also have minds which influence our thoughts, beliefs, feelings, and behavior. That’s why it’s important to also take a closer look at the psychology of crunchy foods.  

The Psychology of Crunchy Foods

A connection exists between feeling certain emotions - especially anger–and reaching for crunchy, salty foods like potato chips. The emerging field of psychophysiology, which refers to the study of the relationship between physiological processes and psychological behavior, has shown that to be the case.

Researchers in this field of study look at the ways in which the mind and body interact. From a psychophysiological perspective, chewing and crunching are natural outlets for inborn aggression.

Dr. Alan Hirsch, a neurologist and psychiatrist, and founder of the Smell and Taste Treatment and Research Foundation in Chicago, also notes the connection between crunchiness and aggression. He says, “When you bite into ice or potato chips, you’re sublimating that in a healthy way.”  

Sublimation is a defense mechanism in which something you might find socially unacceptable, such as expressing anger, is unconsciously transformed into a socially acceptable behavior.

Imagine being angry at your boss for yelling at you over some minor matter.Instead of speaking up for yourself in a “biting” tone, for example, you bite down on a bag of tortilla chips.

Hirsch has also studied the connection between personality and food cravings. He finds that people who love potato chips are competitive.  “They’re ambitious and enjoy rewards in both business and pleasure,” he says.

He also finds that chip lovers are easily frustrated at life’s inconveniences, such as rush-hour traffic or long lines at the checkout. He says, “Whether they’re at Disneyland, the DMV or behind the wheel, they tend to always be in a rush.”

A second personality characteristic common to people who like crunchy foods is perfectionism. This may not be all bad, since perfectionists are often focused and energetic.

They are also punctual and excited by challenges. Pretzel lovers are often the life of the party, displaying the characteristics of being lively, enthusiastic, and fun.

Early in our lives, biting is a common way of expressing aggression. Babies and toddlers often feel frustrated or angry, but they lack language to express themselves. The solution is to chomp down as a way of saying, “I’m upset!”

Although we eventually learn to talk about how we feel and to communicate in words, biting is associated with aggression throughout our lives.

Think of the language we use to describe when someone is upset. When a boss gets upset with us, we might say, “My boss bit my head off.” We might describe someone’s aggression as “biting” and harsh. Someone holding back anger might be described as having a “clenched jaw.”

Keith Kantor, a nutritionist and researcher, has examined the connection between personality and food choices. His findings show that people drawn to salty foods are competitive.  He says, “They’re ambitious and enjoy rewards in both business and pleasure.”  

Dr. Jianshe Chen is a Chinese scientist whose area of expertise is in studying oral physiology and psychophysics, a branch of psychology that examines the relationships between physical stimuli and resulting sensations and mental states. Dr. Chen believes that human beings have a destructive nature that is genetic.

He says, “Humans have a strange way of stress-release by punching, kicking, smashing, or other forms of destructive actions. Eating could be one of them. The action of teeth crushing food is a destructive process, and we receive pleasure from that, or become de-stressed” (Roach, pg. 129).

"People who swallow their anger feel, for whatever reason, that they can't express it, so they resort to food," says Thomas Wadden, M.D., former director of the Center for Weight and Eating. He adds, “The irony is, nobody enjoys eating when they're stuffing hostile feelings.”

Why am I eating so Much Chips? Beth’s Story

Let’s look at psychology from a more personal perspective. Let me tell you about Beth, who asked,  Beth was preoccupied with losing the twenty pounds she had gained over the past year.

Ever since her youngest daughter had gone away to college, Beth could not stop eating Doritos. She didn’t understand why she didn’t have more willpower.

“I’m truly blessed. Bryan and I are in great shape financially. Our kids are all healthy and happy.  So what’s my problem? Why can’t I stop eating chips?”

Beth struggled with weight on and off for much of her adult life.  She was at her lowest weight when she married Bryan, her college boyfriend. After he finished medical school, she stayed home to raise three daughters while Bryan built a successful plastic surgery practice.

Her weight was stable throughout the years she was bringing up her girls.  She loved being a stay-at-home mom. Now that she was an empty nester she didn’t know what to do with herself.

Beth ate “perfectly” all day: a bowl of bran cereal with nonfat milk for breakfast, carrots or string cheese at midday, a salad at lunch, and a healthy dinner of either fish, chicken, and vegetables. It was only at night, after dinner, that she wandered into the kitchen looking for something to eat and soon losing control. 

During these night time excursions to the kitchen, Beth usually turned to potato chips or popcorn. She was ashamed to reveal that she often consumed a family-sized bag of chips in one sitting.   

She tried to find a physical reason for her cravings. “I wonder if I just have a thing for salt? I never go for anything sweet. You could put a bowl of ice cream in front of me and I wouldn’t be tempted in the least.”

I told Beth that her food choices might give us a clue about what was going on with her emotionally. When I suggested the connection between chips and anger, Beth was doubtful. She didn’t think her overeating was linked with angry feelings but she was willing to consider it as a possibility.

A few sessions later, Beth reported, “Last night Bryan texted that he was running late, even later than usual.  I understand he’s busy, with a lot of demands on his time. It’s always been that way, since he was in med school. But right after I heard from him, I went to the kitchen for chips.”

I said, “Sounds like you had some feelings about his lateness.”

“That’s part of the deal, being a doctor’s wife. Even when the girls were little, Bryan was never home before seven or eight o’clock at night.  I’ve always known that’s how it is. Besides, I can’t do anything about it.”

I said, “Just because you know something, or can’t change a situation, doesn’t mean you can’t have feelings about it.” Beth frowned. “Shouldn’t I be able to make myself feel differently about things if I know there’s nothing I can do?”

I explained that logic doesn’t change how you feel. You cannot talk yourself out of or into feelings. It’s impossible to tell yourself not to feel upset and then immediately feel differently. “It’s not logical,” I told her.  “It’s psychological.”

Beth struggled with this concept. She had always felt like a failure for not doing or feeling what she “knew” was best for her. I was offering a new paradigm, one that was difficult for her to accept.   

Beth used potato chips to channel her anger, crunching violently to express her feelings and later taking that anger out on herself for eating too much junk food. The anger she could not recognize was being expressed nonetheless—at herself.

She had spent years denying her truth and then turning against herself by attacking herself for her weight or for eating the wrong thing. Beth slowly got in touch with her anger towards Bryan. She finally admitted to herself how much she resented him prioritizing work over spending time with family.

While raising the girls, she had been so busy with their activities that she did not let herself think about how often her husband was gone. Now the girls were grown, and she was alone in an empty house. Food served as a distraction from her upset feelings.

Underlying Beth’s problem with food was a problem in her marriage. Once she became curious about her inner world, rather than critical of herself, she could address the problems in her marriage, and she stopped eating chips.

What’s Eating “at” You?

Anger is simply a reaction to a situation. According to Deborah Cox and her colleagues, there are four distinct ways that women suppress their angry feelings. They internalize their feelings, blaming themselves for whatever has happened.

Boomerang effect - They often direct their feelings towards others onto themselves instead. I call this the boomerang effect, when people turn the emotions they feel towards others or situations against themselves.

Externalizing - Another response is to externalize anger. That means allowing anger to build until it’s all too much, leading to an explosion of anger. Guilt usually follows those kinds of blow ups, reinforcing the idea that anger is unacceptable and bad.

Containing anger - A third anger style is containment, which means people know they are angry but hold it in, hoping the feeling will pass (it doesn’t).

Segmenting anger - The last category of anger is called segmentation, which means that anger is completely denied. According to Cox, women who deny feeling angry despite obvious provocation usually think anger is a character flaw.

Also, they’ve gotten so good at denying their emotions that often they don’t realize they're angry. Except they eat and then take all that anger and turn it on themselves.  

Recently a friend was telling me about a vexing experience she had with customer service. I told her that I could relate to her feelings of anger.  “I’m not angry, " she corrected me. “I’m just really frustrated.”

Like my friend, many people think of anger as a huge explosion of emotion. They don’t realize that annoyance, frustration, and irritation are all forms of anger. Anger does not only refer to a huge explosion of emotion. Frustration is a form of anger.

All emotions exist on a continuum from benign to intense.  When we deny our anger, we never learn to gauge it and recognize the varying degrees of anger we feel under different circumstances.

As a result, all feelings of anger feel very intense. Since that can be frightening, anger often ends up being turned against us. Like Beth, we may be comfortable getting mad at ourselves for eating a bag of chips while ignoring our feelings towards other people or situations.

A few years ago, Amy Schumer did a movie called “I Feel Pretty” and there is a poignant scene in which she studies her reflection in a full-length mirror. Her face registers acute shame and sadness as she looks at her body, encased in shapewear garments.

Shame and rage are often tied together. Shame means that you think something is wrong with you or your basic character. Shame is often confused with humiliation or guilt, which is about something you’ve done or haven’t done. Where guilt sounds like, “There’s something wrong with what I did,” shame sounds like, “There’s something wrong with me.”

When we feel that horrible sense of shame, we may immediately get angry. Then,  instead of yelling at someone else, we attack ourselves. Recognizing the shame-anger connection helps us create change, and the fear of anger loses its power. 

Sociologist and professor at UC Santa Barbara, Thomas Scheff, notes that shame is “the most obstructed and hidden emotion, and therefore the most destructive. Emotions are like breathing – they cause trouble only when obstructed."

Brene Brown, known for her research into vulnerability, describes shame as “the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging.” Her research shows that the primary shame trigger for women is their physical appearance.

For men, it’s the fear of being perceived as weak. If you can relate to those feelings, think about how you would respond to someone who felt terrible about her appearance. Would  you shame them? Or offer your understanding and support?

When you treat yourself as you would a friend, you will feel good about yourself without having to be perfect. Self-love is the ultimate antidote to shame.

Nobody has a perfect body. Not the models who are airbrushed and photoshopped. Not anyone. And what you do is not who you are. If you make a mistake, that does not mean you are a mistake.

Normalize the fact that we are all perfectly imperfect. We all make mistakes. We all have failures in judgment. We all do things we later regret. When we normalize and acknowledge our imperfections, they will no longer have so much power over us. We’ll be less angry at ourselves and more at peace.

How to express your Anger

If you’re mad – or frustrated, annoyed, pissed off - try giving expression to those feelings instead of avoiding them. You can phone a friend to talk about it, write it all out in a journal, or physically express it in a kickboxing class, for example.

Anita Avedian, anger management expert and author of Anger Management Essentials, says that we need to find both long-term and short-term solutions to anger. She recommends learning to communicate assertively instead of passively.

Many people don’t speak up, and then get resentful when other people don’t understand them or know how to meet their needs. She suggests communicating assertively and letting others know about all needs, requests, wants, and feelings.  If you don’t speak up, she points out, nobody else will know what’s bothering you.  

“I” Statements

One way of communicating effectively is including “I” statements.  Instead of saying, “You don’t listen to me,” try saying, “I feel discounted when you don’t respond to me.”  Address specific behavior rather than making a generalization.

For example, you might say, “I feel hurt that you don’t help me with the kids,” or, “It would make me happy if you could pick up the kids every Thursday,” instead of, “You’re lazy and you never help out.” 

Boundaries

Avedian points out that those who tend to get angry are often very generous people, and give too much. When the favor is not returned, or other people don’t meet their expectations, they get upset, which leads to resentment. Setting healthy boundaries and letting people know when you are uncomfortable or don’t want to do something is a good start.

Exercise

Other ways of diffusing anger include getting some vigorous physical exercise.  When we exercise, endorphins are released.  Alternatively, doing something relaxing like yoga or meditation can help facilitate the release of anger and other emotions. 

Also, the right and left movement of walking helps relax the body, which in turn may relax the mind. Lifting weights or punching a bag at the gym can be very satisfying ways to release the pent-up physicality of anger.  

Make a gauge

Gauging the intensity of your anger is also extremely important.  Avedian recommends asking yourself how relevant your anger is given the situation. She points out, “If your anger is a 9 out of 10 because your coworkers didn’t invite you to lunch, then how angry will you be if your boyfriend cheated on you?”

Always remember that your anger - and all feelings - deserves your attention. Not your condemnation. What you feel, you will heal.