rkiveoframi

[rkiveoframi]

Finding and loving myself and kpop detox

Note: English is not my first language Day 1 and 2 Entry of becoming myself and detoxification from kpop and other content. I'm gona turn 22 in mid 2024. I'm super lost like past 4 years. I literally don't know who i am. I had a breakup last year mid. That was quit good relationship... We have been in relationship for 3 years.. but it became messy i don't want to hate it and also i don't know who i am. I became physically and emotionally weak. So we brokeup and i graduated uni with high grades but i don't feel like i achieved something. My parents are super protective but they are sweet yk typical desi parents (not stereotyping).

My escapism : Kpop is my escapism i got in to kpop at 2021. My ults are BTS, SVT, (G)IDLE, TWICE, ITZY. I consume more BTS from 2021 and in 2023 i started to consume SVT as my escapism. I won't regret staning any of those group because they are soooo good.

To escape from reality like graduated, not applied for any job because of fear of interviews, rejections and fear how would i be treated in the job like soo on... Im not comfortable with my body and I'm kinda socially awkward coz I'm not used to be going outside much... Coz obviously my parents. It turned me into not liking going out. The delusion became so serious. I imagined my self as an kpop idol in a group.. Like leader, vocalist etcc.. Im good at dancing.. so i imagine many senarios and those kept me alive and made me survive 2023.

On other hand it made me worse, when i look at mirror i don't know who i am. So i decided to do kpop detox. On the other day i saw a video of Vernon from SEVENTEEN quotes something like"if I'm not living as me, then who will be" that's hits me hard. I'm really thankful for vernon for saying that.

Present : I'm on day 2 of this detox, it's hard and i feel lonely coz I'm cutting those things which made me feel less alone person. But it's my time to live, so i created a new me who will takecare of my old me.

So she wakes up at 5 am no matter what, Makes bed, journal, meditation for 5min(lavenderie lifestyle ) , full body streach(maddy Marson ) , 4k morning and 4k evening , workout (growwithjo, madfit& Emi wong ) Then moving with my day (I'm not figured out what to do with my day yet ), sleeping before 12 am. I should start preparing for my entrance exam which in couple of months.

Note : I really love my ults and I'll never stop loving them. But it's my time to shine and stand for myself ♡