rome-ii6

[rome-ii6]

Floating Hearts

Summary: In this world

Hearts can float

So you shall seek

Who makes your heart beat

You can call it fake

Or you can call it mate

A/N: i always thought abt this world, and actually, it's two separate worlds that i rolled into one. Enjoy!! :3

Word count: 3,116

Read it on Ao3!

The air started to smell like rain and soil already these days. Trees became wrapped in an orange colour that made it more beautiful to look at, and the leaves always crunched when you step on them.

Crunch, crunch, crunch.

His weather wasn't that bad lately too, it wasn't good either, but he has seen worse days. Endured worse weather in his world.

Bucky made his way back home. Finally. He thought to himself. He was going back from his grocery shopping, the two of his hands were already quite full of grocery bags. He bought a lot of things, too much even. Bucky looked at the plastic bags and stared at it for moments while his feet kept moving.

Yes, this amount will—hopefully—do for the next few weeks. He doesn't like to go outside that much, it's pretty weird trying to get used to this new world. And he'd like to keep his interaction with people and the outside world minimal. So yep, he really hopes it'll do.

And now after he brought the ingredients, what is he going to cook for himself tonight? And what is he going to drink with it? He grumbled under his breath, trying to think of something that would lift his mood a little. Maybe if he had a decent fancy meal for dinner, he could close his eyes for hours without being interrupted and waking up trying to catch his breath.

And oh no, he needs to shoot these thoughts away, because it is getting cloudy already and it's the last thing he wants to happen right now. Inhale, exhale. Again. And again. Now deep breath. He tried to soothe himself seeking some peace because he does not want to get wet with rain. Fine, no more bad thoughts, just happy thoughts, or what close enough to it.

This world is already weird, with its weather and all those stupid myths being real. He can't help himself but always thinking, is it real? Is there really someone out there supposed to be his other half? His true love and all those things? He doesn't know. Sure, some people assured him that it's indeed true, but…..yeah no.

And it looks like destiny overheard Bucky's thoughts and decided to interfere to mock him and prove that he's wrong, because when he was crossing the street, something caught the side of his eyes and he froze in his tracks.

It was a heart, a floating heart.

There it's, above a beautiful young woman. He blinked, and blinked again, trying to check if he's still in reality and that his mind is still working right. He even looked around, trying to see if someone else noticed the heart—the floating heart, why would a heart float even?—but he knows for sure that he's the only one who's supposed to see it. Because that's how the things usually go from what he heard.

People passed him, but he stood there, looking into the café, standing outside of it. A beautiful woman wearing a scarf was sipping the liquid in her cup while listening to her two friends. She smiled at them and nodded her head a little to the one of them who was holding the conversation, talking frantically. And that weird heart is still….there. still floating above her head.

So this is it, the most important moment of his life? That's the person who's supposed to be his soulmate? He found her just like that?

Yeah sure, some people find theirs pretty easily. Sometimes from the moment they became an 18 year-old, sometime between their twenties and forties. Even sixties. And other times.…never.

You'll spend your whole life searching for the one, for your other half, other heart, but you will find nothing in some cases. Just like that. Nothing. Isn't it ironic? The whole constipation of soulmates and their need to find each other but then you might never have the chance to see them even for a split second, let alone know them and talk.

And not just that, if you were lucky enough to find your other half and get to know them, sometimes it doesn't work. A pair of soulmates don't work. They just don't…. click. But how come that? If they were really meant to each other, aren't they supposed to work no matter what? How is it possible that they may or may not end up together, living happily ever after?

What's the point then of all this? What the point of somebody else that's supposed to be your whole world, your lover, shelter and the one who you'll share the years of your life with if there's a high possibility that you either won't find each other or your relationship won't work, if you might end up spending the years with someone else that's not them but get you well and even better?

That was always in Bucky's mind. It occupied his thoughts regularly.

And now he spent too much time in his head and needs to stop staring like a creep outside the café’s glass wall.

People came and went, crossing and passing him. Putting his feet to work again, he casted a final glance at the giggling woman in the café and went into his way.

────────────✪────────────

Fate was a hilarious thing, because it made Bucky laugh. Not a happy laugh, a one more like i-can’t-believe-this-is-happening laugh, but it did nonetheless.

Because why is the person that was supposed to be his soulmate in front of him? Talking to him? He didn't want this, he walked away the first time, but the second she was thrown away in his direction, like a silent sign of “why did you walk away the first time.”

But he didn't want this, didn't need this. He's totally fine, Bucky is more than good not having friends or anyone, let alone his supposed soulmate.

He was just taking a walk by, he wanted fresh air. His mood was surprisingly good, that's why the weather in his world was good too, so he decided to go outside.

He spent his time wandering around aimlessly, trying to clear his mind and focus on the current moments. But he stumbled by a bench in the park, and surprise surprise, the person who was sitting on it was no one but his “soulmate”. Bucky can still see the floating heart above her head, and this time he can see it more clearly. He stopped in his tracks, his body going stiff.

He urges his body to go, to take some steps back before she notices him. But his body was frozen, his heart skipped some beats. And just like that, the girl's gaze settled on him.

She was surrounded by stray cats, one rubbing her head against her legs, one sitting on her lap and the last one she was holding between her hands. When her gaze caught his, she stopped playing and stared. Bucky just stood there, too stund to speak, talk or do anything.

And when her gaze went up, up above his head, it stayed there. And he saw the exact moment that she saw what was above his head. (Bucky always knew—from the stories—that there ought to be a floating heart above his head, and that he can't see it, nobody can see it, except his soulmate. But nonetheless, he felt a little surprised when she acknowledged it.)

The girl's mouth formed and “O” and she just kept staring and blinking. She didn't move, didn't talk or do anything, and he's slowly becoming anxious.

Bucky shifted his weight from one foot to another and tried to break this awkward moment. “So are you just gonna stare at me like a fish or….?” He said, his voice lacked his teasing and flirting tone, it was a little firm due to his uncomfortability. “Because you just look so ridiculous.”

He face-palmed in his mind, not knowing what the hell he's talking about. Yeah, he stares at people all the time—they make sure to tell him every time he does it, and he finds it so annoying because that's his resting face—but he doesn't like it when people stare at him.

“Oh my god!,” the girl finally said. “Is that— oh my god, is this realty?” Her voice squeaked a little at the end.

“It's reality. And actually—”

“This is so cool! Like so cool.”

“—I think I'm just gonna leave and leave you to—”

“What are you kidding? There's no way!” She didn't even give him the chance to complete his sentences, and before he could do anything she stood up from the bench.

The cat that was on her lap let out a meowing sound, protesting at being moved out, and she placed the one between her hands on the bench with a pet on its head, stepping more closely to Bucky.

“Dude,” said the girl with so much amusement in her voice. “This is so cool, I can't believe it.” When she came closer, her eyes were where his floating heart was, eyeing it with so much amazement. Bucky can even see how her eyes spark.

“Can i…?” She gestured above his head. He didn't know what possibly she could be asking permission for, so he hesitated for a moment, then nodded his head slowly, unsurely.

The girl—that he still doesn't have her name—stood on her toes, arm held high. She waved her hand on top of his head a couple times. “What are you doing?” He said, confusion written on his face.

“I'm just—” she moved her hand again, like she's trying to catch something. “—seeing if this is real.” Her face was close to his, he even could feel her breath on his face. Meanwhile his breath seems like it stopped.

She looked him in the eyes and said, “I know it's real,” what a strong eye contact, Bucky though. “But I meant like, real, physically real you know?”

She finally stepped back and oh! His breathing had returned!

Bucky had to take a small step back, to create a little space between them and because he was a little nervous. “So,” he said, then didn't amend it. He shifted his weight again and shoved his hands into his pockets. “Was it?”

“Excuse me?” The girl looked slightly confused.

“The heart, was it real? Physically real?” Bucky felt so embarrassed at his communication skills, it was a stupid question and he knows it. But he didn't know what to do in this kind of situation.

Not everyone finds his soulmate accidentally and then run away—no, not run, walk by, because Bucky didn't “run away” when he first saw her in the café. He did not. There's a big difference between running and walking by—and then meeting them accidentally again in a park and they notice him this time, then they start to try to catch the floating heart on top of his head. So yes, of course he doesn't know how to act right now.

His soulmate—if it's even his soulmate. He keeps denying it despite the heart that he clearly can see above her head, and that she can see his—just shrugged. “I don't think so, i tried but—” she shrugged again.

“What's your name?” Bucky finally asked.

The girl put her hand into her pockets. “Y/N,” she tipped her chin out of her scarf and pointed at him. “I would say that it was a pleasure to meet you, but we don't know yet.”

A small chuckle escaped his lips. “I'm James, but you can call me Bucky.” He extended his hand, holding it for her to take.

Y/N took his hand with her, shaking it. Bucky looked at their shaking hands, then at her face to get a good look at it. Her features were pleasant to look at, like when you're looking at a beautiful painting or view, you just want to take it all and memorize all of it in your mind.

Her little red nose scrunched when she laughed. “Stop staring at me,” her voice was clearly teasing him.

He had to cut his thoughts and land back to reality to answer her. “I'm not staring,”

“But you're,”

“I'm not,” he scoffed.

“Mm-hmm. Sure.” Y/N gave him a strange look with raised brows directed at him.

It took Bucky a few seconds to realize that his hand was still shaking hers and he forgot about it because his mind was in another universe, because he indeed was staring at her. And oh my god, I'm still shaking it. I need to stop shaking it.

After he dropped his hand, he tucked it away from her by shoving it into his pockets again to feel less embarrassed.

“So,” Bucky tried to kill the awkwardness between them, and he hoped he could, because killing was what he's good at. Was, it's all in the past. I'm not like that anymore. (Or he hoped.) “Ummmmm….”

So much for trying to kill the awkwardness of him.

One of the little stray cats came and sniffed him, then rubbed its head on his leg.

“So,” said y/n. “What? You got nothing to say?” She let out a chuckle. “I always thought that my soulmate would be charming and would make me swoon using only two words. But, here we are.” She added a little shrug.

“My soulmate”, oh God, this sounds so weird coming out of her mouth. Bucky thought.

And wait, did he just disappointed her already? From their first meeting? In the past, it was easy for him to flirt with some random girl, it wasn't that hard. But now he can't even talk probably with his other half, let alone flirt.

“So Bucky, do you plan to take me on a date or?” when he blinked at her, she added, “well, you know, because all of this—” she gestured with her hand at what's above their heads. “—soulmate stuff and blah blah. So I thought, it wouldn't be not nice to sit for a while and talk. Or not talk, since you seem so bad at that one. Anyway you caught the idea, so why not?”

Y/N tucked herself deeper into her coat, adjusting the scarf. “Wait,” said Bucky after finally noticing her clothes, “you're wearing winter clothes.”

His soulmate raised a brow, “And?”

“You're wearing winter clothes,” he said more firmly, all the hesitation slipped out of his voice.

She had the audacity to roll her eyes. “If you're asking if I'm depressed then yes. But,” she held her finger out, “the question is, who isn't? Mine just happened to be a little tiny bit more obvious. Like who cares, I'm not the only one in the world wearing winter clothes.”

“Y/N,”

“No seriously,” she let out a huff, face going more serious at his tone. “I'm fine, I promise. I've a therapist, I'm taking meds, I've my friends and family, it's just….” She paused. “Things like that we can't control, but I'm fine, so no need to worry.” The last sentence was more like a question, as if she's telling him to not care much about the topic.

But he hesitated, he knows that not everyone always has a shiny good day, like she said. His weather varies from time to time, sometimes, it snows in his world from how bad he feels, sometimes, it just rains.

So who is he to judge her if she said she's trying to live normally despite her depression?

He still has his doubts, but he can't do anything, so he just silenced it.

Y/N kicked the air, “So, about the date? Are you really going to let me ask you out twice, handsome man?”

Handsome m—? “Um, no?” He fisted the hands that were in his pockets. “No,” he said with more confidence this time.

“Cool. Your phone number?”

Bucky just gave her his phone, saving himself from trying to figure out how to save her number in this new technology.

She typed a couple times on the phone, and when she finished putting her number as he assumed, she gave it back to him. Bucky placed it back into his pockets, thanking her.

To his surprise, Y/N stood on her tiptoes and kissed his cheek. Bucky felt his face flush a little at that.

“Don't thank me,” she held his chin gently. “I'll be in touch for the date. See you again?” She let go of his chin, backing slowly.

“See you again.” He said.

She gave him a bright smile, it was so lovely on her face, and even winked at him. Then Y/N said her goodbyes to the cats she sat with, and Bucky watched her disappear.

────────────✪────────────

When Bucky got back to his apartment, he crashed on his bed immediately.

He couldn't stop thinking, his mind kept working. Thinking about the meeting between him and his soulmate, about how he acted awkwardly, how he wasn't charming at all.

How his former self could have acted, how he could have acted smoothly, making his other half giggle and blush a little, make her like him a little.

But he wasn't that person anymore.

Bucky always felt like he was three different individuals. The younger him, the Sargent, when he was the most close to normal.

And there's the Winter Soldier, the brainwashed assassin, the weapon.

He's gone, I'm not him anymore. I'm fine.

Was he though? Isn't that just a lie he tells himself in order to feel normal?

And lastly, there was him after he gained his memories back. The present version. He didn't know what kind of person he's supposed to be. If he wasn't the Sargent, and wasn't the assassin, then who's he?

Bucky kows how messed up he's.

He took out his phone, the screen flashing on his face was the only source of light in his apartment. It took him a lot of time to figure out how, but he blocked his soulmate's number and tried to forget about everything that happened.

He was a mess, a mess no one deserves to clean, or even try.

Bucky was fine alone, he lived most of his life alone and didn't need someone. His soulmate deserved better than him, she'll find love somewhere else.

Because being soulmates isn't destined, being soulmates doesn't mean happily-ever-after. There were a lot of people who didn't end up with their soulmates, and they found someone else, and they lived happily with them. She surely will find someone, and have a happy life.

Or that what Bucky hoped for, because in the end, finding happiness with only your soulmate isn't real, because if it was, why would he ever be someone's soulmate? He can't bring happiness to them.

That was he trying to convince himself before he fell asleep.

I'm not her destiny, he told himself, I'm not her happily-ever-after.

[rome-ii6]

A F*cked Up Desire

Chapter two: no cuddles

Summery: After an intimate night, she slept in the same bed as him accidentally. Now she needs to get out of the room quietly, and no, she's NOT sneaking. Definitely.

Word count: 2,731

Warning: probably lots and lots of grammar and spelling mistakes again.

A/N: this is the last chapter.

Read it on Ao3!

Chapter one

    It took a lot of moments for the girl to clear her mind form the foggy sleep. She blinked few times, trying to adjust to the light that hurts her poor eyes.

    She wanted to hiss and curse all that light, but her mind told her to stop in the last second. Wait, she told herself. I know this smell. And like that, her mind became fully awake.

    She groaned in silence, so she won't wake the man who's lying beside her. She cursed him too with all the words she knows.

    She was in Bucky Barnes' bed, her head resting in his damn muscular chest, which she does not remember doing before sleeping. Actually wait, what does she remember before falling asleep?

    She squeezed her eyes shut, trying to recoil everything. As usually, they had a good night fill with an intense pleasure. And apparently, she was so exhausted from it she slept in his room accidentally, again. It's not they have a rule for not sleeping after doing it, it's just her rule with herself.

    Sometimes, when she's too exhausted to even think about walking back to her room, she will find herself in his bed, beside his beautiful asleep face. Which she hates. Just like this time. And other times, when they use her room, she'll tell him to "F off" which he respond to it with something like: "already kicking me out? You tired with this beautiful, handsome face and," he'll gesture to his body, "this body? Seriously?" And then he'll add that fake, so f-ing cute pout. In her good days, she'll argue with him and literally drag him out of the door—which she knows he let her do that, 'cause, who's going to lie? She knows he's super powerful, like super-duper powerful. Also he uses that strength in... Interesting things—.

    And there's days when she can't argue with him back, so she'll just tell him to get out in a very grumpy way and she'll fall asleep immediately. And in the morning, she'll be faced with his face then the first thing she'll do when waking up is going to be rolling her eyes.

    She carefully distangled herself from him, rolling off the bed landing quietly as possible. She took a glance over her shoulder to check on him. Good, still in his beauty sleep. Yeah she mocks him about that always, but she can't deny it's really a beauty sleep.

    She started to look for her clothes—which wasn't easy, since someone, tend to actually throw them somewhere in the room. And what not helping more, is that this room is anything but tidy. And oh look! Her bra is under the bed. One item went down in her holy journey of searching for her clothes!

    She stopped long ago wondering how her clothes get in a real weird—and difficult—places. Like: behind the headboard which it was a miracle in its self to see it even, under the carpet? And are these her socks in his dirty clothes pile? Whatever, at least she found them in a new record this time, suck that Bucky!

    Since her holy journey of searching for tonight is done, time to dress up. She started to put her clothes, and god, finally some warmth after doing that journey bare. She finished clasping her bra in place, just the shirt and she'll be gone from this room. She can't stand the sight of it, everytime she's here, she has that feeling that she needs to organize this place, which she can't, she's not the girlfriend. What is she even? She doesn't have a clue.

    "Ha!! Gotcha this time doll!"

    She literally jumped in her place and nearly did a whole prayer when his voice startled her.

    After putting a hand on her heart and taking a few deep breaths to try to calm herself, she turned around to face him with a scowl. And what she reserved? A big-ass idiot grin from ear to ear, just like a little kid. And that long beautiful brown hair is all messy and tangled.

    He looks so sleepy and... Cute? No no no, he's NOT cute. He actually wasn't wearing anything, and the blanket that is barely reaching his hips isn't helping so much right now. And oh god, can he stop looking so inocente with that pure-happiness smile 'cause she need to breath? Jeeez, can't a woman breath like she wants now?

    "What do you mean "gotcha"?" She put her first sock on while talking, "it's not like I was sneaking or something." She was trying to get out quietly without waking him, which is not sneaking. Nope, there's a BIG difference between them actually.

    And for the love of god, why she always feels that heat when his damn accent became more visible unintentionally?

    "You were clearly trying to leave quietly," his grin became even bigger if even that possible. "And I finally, finally, got to catch ya before you do!"

    Oh now she understand, everything between them is like a game, a challenge. He likes to rile her up and push her buttons so much, and she likes to challenge him. And looks like he made a challenge with himself about "catching" her before she "sneaks" out. So now he has that big winning smile, which she reacted to by of course, rolling her eyes.

    "Well, congrats. Yay, you made it. Such a good boy."

    His smile faltered and he pouted a little at her sarcasm. "Why don't you reward me by I don't know, actually staying?" He even bated his lashing feigning inocente.

    "No thank you. Told you before, I don't do cuddling."

    "Come ooooon, not even for this handsome charming man?"

    "Nope." She popped the "p" and put on her other sock. Cuddling after being intimate might cause.... Feelings. And they didn't put labels on their relationship. So she needs to be cautious, even if all she wants to do to that cute sleepy face is kissing every bit of it. "I'm not even supposed to be here, I slept accidentally."

    "Was I too much last night that I wear her highness hmm?"

    She felt heat creeps to her face, "Shut up, you idiot."

    "Come on doll, stop being a stubborn-ass who ruin fun," he shifted in the bed, and bless that blanket, it slipped down further to give her a quite view. "Or is it me?"

    She snapped of her thought and put on her best nonchalant behavior. "You? Why it would be you?"

    "I don't know, you tell me. Is it really that bad to stay in my room after the night and wait to leave after I wake up? Or my morning breath is that bad?"

    "Barnes," she groaned in frustration, "stop being dramatic for a second can you? You're insufferable."

    She regretted her words a little when he got out of the bed and walked to her. And oh god, he's just beautiful, like really beautiful. How can possibly a human body be such a sight to eyes? Yeah she knows the super serum and all that, but she bets he was this beautiful even in the 40s.

    She pinned her eyes on the upper half of his body, because she knows she won't get out of this room if she didn't. And thank you so much, she wants to walk without pain tonight.

    He came closer and cupped her face with his hands, she can feel the diffrent of each one. One is so cold, the other is warm. "Getting back to "Barnes" huh?"

    He knows she call him that when she's pissed with him, just like now. "See? Still dramatic."

    "Oh this," his lips twitched upward, "this isn't me being dramatic, believe me, you haven't seen anything yet." His smirk vanished and replaced with a serious expression. "Why won't you stay?"

    She—unfortunately—can't snap at him when he's talking with that low and sweet voice, without mentioning his fingers tracing her cheekbone.

    "It's just.... " words betrayed her and she pressed her lips together, "after being intimate, the talk that follows will be.... Emotional. Some stupid sweet talk you wouldn't have said in the normal times. It's all nonsenses, and unnecessary. So I spare us both."

    A long moment of silence followed her words, and she started thinking if he got her wrong, or maybe she said her words in the wrong way. But then, he broke it.

     "You're afraid," he said it as a matter-of-fact which annoyed her actually.

    "I'm not—"

    "You're afraid."

    She groaned again in frustration and held herself from hitting his dump-ass head. She isn't afraid, she put her feelings in safe and chose a random combination—so she won't remember it—and closed it. That's it. She can't have feelings in this... Whatever is this relationship is. So nope, she's fine. Perfectly fine.

    And did he heard her thoughts and decided to mock her or what? 'Cause he slowly got to his knees in front of her. Great, now she's not fine. He knows that she's weak for him when he's like that. F him.

    "What are you afraid from," Did he really has to look up at her with those icy-blue eyes? "That I'm gonna break your heart...?"

    His hands traveled from her waist down, and down. He then tugged at her waistband and looked at her. He never ever had done anything without her permission, just like he promised months ago. And oh boy, does she fell more for him when he can be this gentle and consider?

    She took a deap breath, then exiled slowly, then did it again. She let her gaze travel across his face, to look at that gorgeous view. Then she Shook her head, denying him her consent. Instantly, his hands fell to his lap, breaking contact. And looking at him like this? His face held a bit of disappointment and hurt, despite him trying to hide it, was hurting her.

    "No," her voice came weak and she begged it to not be, "The opposite." She faked a smile, trying to lighten the mood.

    They never put a label at what their relationship is, and they both know why. For a moment like this, so if one of them—or both wanted to have more. To give a chance to let that happen. And does he now want to? Or she just misunderstood this whole situation?

    "Bucky....," she has to make sure—needs to. "Bucky, what you want from me now. Just tell me straight away. Please." Her voice gave up on her in the last word and how much she hated that, her feelings were supposed to be in that safe, not out, playing with her mind and heart. It's not funny, it hurts and hurts and never stop doing that. What's wrong with her?

    "I want you," unlike her, his voice was steady, and she was a mess. A mess by his hands. "I want you to stay the nights, to wake up with you, I want....more."

     Forget it, what was her random combination again? Never mind, she'll just break the safe. "God.... Don't."     "Don't what?"

    "Don't say that, don't be romantic, don't make me hate the way I feel about you more."

    "Oh so you're a human?" He said with a smirk, which wasn't fair for her, everything he says or does isn't.

    "God you're such a D. I told you months ago, I'm human."

     "And you just said you've feelings for me."

    "Gun, poison or a rope?"

    "Huh? What?"

    "For killing myself,"

    "Seriously doll? Just 'cause you said you've feelings, thought you didn't even mentioned what kind."

    "I think maybe a poison while sleeping? But must be a one doesn't hurt, or change how I'll look after death."

    "Omg, I think I ruined you, the doll I know wouldn't consider even that,"

    "And I think I fixed you, you became no fun just like me. You need to spend less time with me."

    "I tried, but that wasn't easy actually,"

    "Then try harder." She placed her hands on her hips, looking down at him with a raised brows.

    "I know what kind of game you're playing, you're trying to distract me from what you said."

    "Did it work?"

    "For a little while, but I know you very good now and you can't win this."

    Everything is still a game or a challenge for them in the end. She sighed heavily. And looked at him with annoyed expression. "Can't you just—" she gestured with her hand in the air, "—forget it?"

    "Nope," he smirked and popped the "p" like she did earlier, throwing her words back at her. And he succeeded, he got her to groan in frustration.

    "You gonna hold this on me forever right?"

    "Ooooh my dear doll, every word has been memorized," he tapped his temple, "Every. Word. All here."

    "Do you happen to know a place where they sell poisons?"

    He scoffed at that and rolled his eyes. "Back to that again?" He sighed and Shook his head, "No need to that, yeah I'll tease you a lot, but I like you you know?"

    She raised her two brows and looked at him skeptically. "Did you, Bucky Barnes, said you like me. Like, me me?"

    "Here, something to tease me back with, satisfied?" The sarcasm was dripping from his words. But he looked amused.

    "Soooooooo.....you like me?" She still can't wrap her head around it.

    "A lot actually. I know, I know. Shocking. Mind-blowing."

    "And that's makes us....?"

    "Whatever you like. That makes us what you like, if you still want to continue this but keep it just physical, or want to add some feelings in it. Or... End things up. It's up to you. Always have been."

    She pretend to think, doesn't want to look eager and scream "let me hold your face between my hands, kiss you senseless and love you!". So she took her time, playing with his nerves.

    "What if," she drew the words slowly, teasing him back. "What if I chose the second option?"

    "Then I guess we're official. Hypothetically speaking if you chose it of course."

    "Yeah, hypothetically." She bit her lip. They both know that they're not really speaking hypothetically, but they'll keep this teasing game anyway.     "Do you want to...?" Bucky doesn't need to complete the sentence, she knew what he meant.

    "Seriously Bucky?" She feigned disappointment in him, though she's very amused actually. "I've work. You've work. We've work."

    He pouted at her, trying to allure her to agree, which he doesn't even need by the way. "I think I might need to ruin you more. You became once again no fun."

    "Maybe, just maybe, since you're already on your knees, make good from it."

    He smiled mischievously and raised a brow. "Her highness wants me to beg?"     "Yes. Say please, pretty please?" Those were his words months ago, and by the playful look on his face, he recognize it.

    "I really want to say to you "go F yourself", that was what she shot back at him actually. "But I'd rather do it myself so, please? Pretty please?"

    She shivered and held herself from moaning in the last second. But she gathered herself and said, "Fine. Since you're so eager and on your knees for me." He words got out more breathlessly than she liked.

    Then Bucky tugged at her waistband again, and this time, she nodded. And before she tells him her condition her trousers was thrown away.

    She groaned in frustration, "Bucky no!" But it was too late already. "You should really stop throwing my clothes! It's so hard to find them when you do!"

    "Can't help it, there's something else is hard too, so," he smirked at her, and she went all red. God help me with this man, she thought.

    "Just.... Ugh! Whatever, I hate you."

    "No you don't,"

    "Unfortunately, no I don't." She rolled her eyes at him.

    When they got all her clothes away and were settled on the bed, he looked at her with soft eyes while planting kisses all over her face.

    "You know," she said biting her lip trying to hold her smile but she failed. "You can come by my room later, don't worry, you won't need to "F off" this time."

    His answer was that big beautiful smile again.    

[rome-ii6]

A F*cked Up Desire

Chapter one: the meeting room

Summary: "Maybe I can't ruin her."

"Maybe I can fix him."

Warning: probably a LOT of grammer and spelling mistakes. (Idk if this fic contain something to be warned about, I'm new to this. So if there are warnings I should write, tell me pls)

Word count: 3,586

Chapter two

Read in Ao3!

A/N: English is NOT my first language, and I haven't written anything since more than a year, and this is my first english fanfic. Whatever this two feels, idk if I wrote it right or not, I haven't even been kissed before and the only times my legs feels weak are when I do my stretching routine. So... Whatever.

This place feels like a damn maze. No, this isn't his first time here, Bucky spent a lot of time in this place, but he can swear that this tower pops a new room, hallway or corridor every now and then. 

    Though Bucky is good at directions, he still get lost here now and then. Now he's definitely not lost,  or maybe, just maybe, kinda he's? 

    Nevermind, he's just looking for Steve, wants to talk to him about something. But he can't find him right now so he's wandering looking around. So he walked and checked the place room after room, and now he's standing before a certain door after it opened automatically for him. 

    He was expecting the room to be empty, like the ones he crossed while searching, but strangely, it wasn't. It was occupied by that woman. It's not like he hates her or holds a grudge against her, there's not enough interactions even between them for him to hold something against her. 

    But he interacted enough to know how she's a tight-ass who ruin his fun everytime. Maybe wear a helmet while riding your motorcycle? What about you using a plate instead of holding everything in your hand?  Can you stop putting the glasses in the plastic cups place? 

    And she always, always, says it with a face and tone shows that, she's doing anything but asking him, she's issuing him around, and god he wants to strangle her for that. And why for the love of god would he use a plate when his hands is very capable of holding food? 

    So yep, a big I-can't-even-describe-it from him on how he gets along with her. 

    But now he has a bigger issue, which is to find that son of— Steve, so he has to ask her about where is he, 'cause she's the only one who fate chose to make him walk across right now. So he walked further in the room she's into—which is a meeting one—, he made his presence known by not silenting his steps like he used to, though she didn't even raise her head from whatever she's doing which seems more important and interesting to her than not acting rude by ignoring someone. 

    Is it just him precisely or she act this indifferent and cold in the same level with anyone? Sometimes he thinks she got the high cool setting only for him, like it stucks on that level whenever she interacts with him. 

    He rolled his eyes when she was still keeping on ignoring him, so he cleared his throat and didn't give her time to responed and ignore him more so he just started talking. 

    "Have you seen Steve today?"

    And thank god he didn't give her time, 'cause she just flipped the paper she's looking at in this moment and responded to him with: "No."

    He stood there for a few seconds waiting for her to continue or say something more, but apparently, she was out of whatever she's made from so she just settled for a no. He tried to be patient and took a deep breath. 

    "At least do you know where he could be? Anything might actually help?" He couldn't help it, so the words got out of him more shrap than normal. Despite that, he really wants to just hold her shoulders, and shake shake shake shake until he knows what on earth the thing that he can't put his fingers on is wrong with her? 

    And bless her heart, this woman actually looked at him for the first time since he entered this room! What next now? Sun shines from the west? 

    She opened her mouth to responed to him—or snap at him like usual—but he didn't get the chance to know because the place suddenly became wrapped in black. 

    "What the—" before he can let all the words fall from his mouth, the light had came back and he can see again. He quickly checked around the room—nothing, no threats. Then he let his gaze fell on the girl who's now standing and had been also looking for a source of danger. He can see that her shoulders are stiffen and her hands are clinched in fists. 

    "What that might be" he tried to make his voice sounds calm so he doesn't freak her. 'Cause if the super soldier is having a bad feeling about this situation, then that's a clear sign for her to feel worried. 

    She tore her gaze and let it meets him, "I don't know." She crossed her arms over her chest and chewed on her lip for a moments before saying: "I didn't hear any alarm or fighting sounds, so I think we're good."

    He nodded, "Yeah, I think that too. But better to check in."

    "Probably just Stark blew up something while doing his things though."

"I'll check anyway." She opened her mouth again to say something, but he just spun on his heels and walked to the door and waited it to open automatically, and waited another moment, and waited again, but it didn't open. He cursed under his breath. 

    Letting a loud sigh while running a hand through his hair, he turned around to be faced with an annoyed expression from her. She Shook her head and tsk-ed a few times. 

    "If you stopped acting like a D for five seconds you'd have known that's the door won't open."

    Her tone started annoyed then he can hear a little smugness in the end. He rolled his eyes at her. "And why is it won't open?" His voice held a bit of sarcasm. 

    Now she rolled her eyes—which she does a lot, especially around him. Yeah he does it too, just not all the time like her—, "Because, the power Is off genies."

    He raised an eyebrow, "Oh really?" He said with mocking, "The lights are on, genies." He gestured to them with a Huff, throwing her words back at her. 

    "You're more stupid than I thought." She has the audacity to look at him pitifully and shake her head again. "These lights, they restore power. So no, the power is still off. And before you ask, I know that because the lights suppose to generate a more powerful light if the electricity is on."

    Bucky formed his lips in a thin line and stayed silent for moments. Then he exhaled and ran his fingers along his hair.

    "So we're stuck."

    "We're stuck."

    "F-ing great, and from all the people it has to be you."

    "Funny Barnes, you're so funny." No need to clarify that her voice was a deadpan. She just sat back on her chair and didn't talk to him again. 

    He sigh loudly and decided to grab a chair, pushing it backwards so he can sit before her. 'Cause, what else he can do now except that? So he sat, and sat, and fidget with his leather jacket's end, and with the chair, moving it backwards, to push it forward again, and repeat that again. Maybe I should do some push ups? He thought to himself. 

    "For the love of god, and for f-'s sake! Can you f-ing stop?!"

    He stopped mid-journy and was a bit surprised at her sharp-like-knife voice, he never heard her lash out or rise her voice like this. He liked it, a lot. 

    He continued playing with the chair and gave her a dangerous smirk. "Why? Am I bothering her highness?"  Oh this is about to be so much fun. He told himself. 

    He can see already her coldness cracking, she was rubbing her temple while shutting her eyes. And he felt so strangely happy that she's so bothered by him. 

    "Yes," her words got out between gritted teeth. "Yes, I'm trying to work here, so can you stop acting like a five years-old kid who can't stand still in one place?"

    Mentioning her work, he just noticed that she indeed is working with a lot of papers and there's even a book beside her. His smirk widened, he can't help himself but wanting her to snap more at him, better than that boring as hell silence. Also, he has a thing for dangerous things. 

    "Working huh?" He stood from the chair, and when he approached her little by little, he noticed that she shifted her gaze to him and started watching his every movement. He stood close to her—two meters away just from her. "And what, prey tell, that are you working at?"

    "None of your business," she told him with a very calm voice. When he took a step closer, he saw her stiffen a bit. So, he took one more—just to see her reaction. And he was rewarded with a very stiff shoulders and white knuckles holding the pen. 

    So he didn't stop until he was a few centimeters away, looking down at her, while she's still sitting on the chair. He looked at her papers, then his eyes landed on the book and stayed there. 

    "What are you readin' doll?" His Brooklyn accent became more noticable unintentionally.

    "Don't call me that," her voice was firm. 

    His mind took a second to understand what she ment. The nickname rolled of his tongue without meaning to, and he didn't even did it on purpose. But he masked his face and smiled mischievously to her. "What do you mean?" He feigned innocence, "You mean doll?"

    "Yes, that."

    She narrowed her eyes and spat the word "that" as "doll" is going to ruin her mouth, or let a foul tatse in it. Oooh, I'm starting to enjoy this so much, so, so much. 

"A romance book? Oh don't tell me you're a smutty girl?"

    Her hand reached the book and held it away from him. Her lips were in thin line. "None of you—"

    Within a blink, it was snatched from her, of course, he's still much more powerful. He hummed to her and opened the book, and as soon as he did she was on her feet. 

    "Give. It. Back. To. Me!" She tried reaching it, but he has a few good centimeters on her. 

    "Oh that book must be holding something so interesting that you're willing to fight for it."

    He kept teasing her, not giving her a chance to grab it from him. And apparently, she knew she can't have it like this, so she looked at him. "Can you give it back to me?" The words got between gritted teeth, obviously she was trying to not slap his face or kick him in the balls. 

    "Say please, pretty please?" The amusement was clear as crystal in his voice, which led the girl to clench her fists until her knuckles turned white. 

    "Go F yourself Barnes," and she tried to get him by surprise so she jumped, trying to get her precious book back again. 

    But since he was holding it with his vibranium arm, with a flick of his wrist, he threw it behind him. He heard a gasp—he never heard anyone gasp this hard like he suck all the oxygen—from her before she parts her lips. "You little bastard and son of b—"

    But her words were cut and she just... Froze. And her eyes were widened. All that because he had held her stretched arm—the one that was trying to grab her poor book—and brought his lips to her fingers, kissing them softly. 

    He heard her shaking breaths after a long moment of silence, but he didn't stop kissing her fingers. And he decided to push her further, he won't stop, he won't until he knows where her line is.       He slowly, without breaking eye contact, brought his tongue to lick her fingers. And he heard her suck in a breath. He teased her by letting his tongue swirls slowly around the fingers.

    "Tell me to stop," he kissed her fingers gently. "If you don't like this, tell me to stop and I'll do it gladly." Lie. Yeah sure he was going to stop if she doesn't want to continue, but he'll not do it gladly. Why did I even say that?. 

She seems to got to her right mind finally. She Shook her hand free from him, and even cleaned her fingers on his shirt. But when she took a step back he closed the space between them more. His nose is nearly touching hers, and he can feel her hot breath on his lips. His hands were by her waist—but weren't touching. He let them there, not quite closing the remain space, just hovering. 

    He let his lips touch hers in a shallow way then he stepped back, giving her her personal space again. He won't touch her. He won't touch her unless she gave him her consent. He just showed her what could be if she's willing to, if she's not.... Well, there's nothing he can do. 

    Maybe pushing her wasn't the right thing to do after all? Maybe he shouldn't has to let his love for dangerous things takes hold of him, 'cause what if she's mad? Yeah he'll feel more excited by that but maybe he shouldn't? Maybe she's mad mad and was going to get him stabbed or she'll cut his di—

    This time he's the one who sucked in a breath. Her lips—her soft lips were pressing onto his. And oh god, he can feel his head lightened and the shiver that ran down his spine. He didn't hesitate this time and wrapped his arms around her waist, bringing her closer. 

    He kissed her back and opened his mouth for her to deepen it if she wants to, he still doesn't want to push her to something she's not willing to. And a second later, her teeth bit into his lower lip and Bucky made a sound in the back of his throat. 

    Her tongue brushed against his and she kissed him with hunger, with desire. Soon his hands were on her face titling it so he can deepen the kiss more. And when he heard her moan into his mouth, Bucky felt like he might go crazy because of that sound. 

    He made her moan, and from all the time he spent with her, that was something like hell freezing. He wanted more—needed more. Needs to hear her moan for him more, to moan his name, gasp in pleasure, to tear down all that coldness and makes her feel like she never did before, to stop being a tight-ass and become a mess. A beautiful mess on his hands only. 

    And oh god, the thoughts terrified him. He did not know that he was this eager to ruin her this much, had he been like this from the beginning? Was he usually annoyed at her 'cause he couldn't make her give him more than a few words and a expressionless face? That's why he's attracted to her, just to ruin her? That's not fair. He told himself, but kept kissing her with a feverish hunger. That's not fair from me to want her just because of that, just so I can see her f-ed up like me. 

    But right now, he don't know what his true desire is—whatever it was. He just know that he wants her, desire her. He'll sort the rest out later. Or not. 

    He pressed her closer to him and backed her until the small of her back hit the edge of the table. He pressed his hips against hers and devoured her mouth. And when they finally parted, gasping difficulty for air, Bucky looked into her eyes. 

    "I want you," he murmured into her mouth and didn't wait for an answer before he kiss her jawline. Bucky trailed kisses along her jaw until he reached her ear. "I want you so bad." He whisperd to her. 

    He felt the shiver that ran down her spine but he proceed to continue. Leaving butterfly kisses on her neck. And she gasped in pleasure then tilted her head, giving him more access which he took greatfully. 

    In the background, he can hear the air-conditioner is back on, means the electricity is back. And the lights became more powerful. The cool air brushed his face and her hair, but right now, that's doesn't matter. 

    "Barnes," the girl said his name breathlessly which made him want to hear her like that more. "Barnes, this... I— we....we can't."

    He felt a soft long fingers brush against his cheek and he finally stopped. He looked at her face, her flushed face and swollen lips. And her chest was raising and falling rapidly. I did this. 

    "We can't...." She murmured to him while her fingers gently tracing his jaw, he leaned to her touch. 

    "Why can't we? I want you, and I know you want me too."

    "Because what is this, what is us if it's even excit? " she shook her head and looked into his eyes with... Is that vulnerability? "My feelings are conflicted, and I bet yours too. 'Cause what are we doing? We shouldn't do this, shouldn't have done that."

    "Hate to break it to you, but I'm not good at should really," he wasn't going to let her doubting self ruin this for him—for both of them. She deserve to loosen a bit instead of over-working herself like always. 

    He tried to push her more, he got her this much and can not give up on here after all that pushing. Maybe he'll find soon where her line is, but he has to try. "I don't know what is us, I'm not gonna lie. But I want you, I want you now so bad that it hurts me. That's what I know."

    She looked surprised at his words. She bit her lip and looked at the floor. "I— I don't know..." Never in his life, he heard her stuttering in her words or look not sure and confident like always. "I do want you," she said with a low voice like it's a shame to feel that. And he supposed, knowing her, that's it's. 

    "You do want me, but?" He sensed the but coming so he just spared her. 

     "But I don't know ok!? I'm so confused! We should just forget this ever happened, but I know it's gonna be hell and we'll drive ourselves mad with pretending whatever this," she gestured with her hand between then, and her voice broke a little at the rest of the words. "Isn't real or there. So to summons up: we're f-ed up. Badly"

    He didn't want to, but he chuckled. And that got him her usual glare. At least now he's sure that he's dealing with the same girl he knows and not some imposter or whatever. But seeing her actually nervous, vulnerable and not sure, bring him so much joy. 

    "Sorry sorry, but this is the most human-like I ever saw you. And this is coming from me."

    She opened he mouth, then closed it and pressed her lips together. "Ouch," she put her hand on her hips. "I'm human. Jeeeeeez."

    "Yeah well, you don't act like it." And when she glared at him more he rolled his eyes, back to this habit when he's with her already. "Fine. You're a human, but you need to act more like it ok? Happy?"

    "Not like I know how" she muttered under her breath.

    "Well, I happened to know how exactly," he gave her a big, mischievous grin and this time she rolled her eyes. Yep, back to rolling eyes when they're together it seems. 

    "Fine, but if I wanted to call it off—"

    "I'll stop. You've my words." She actually looks like she's going to believe him, so he need to push a bit, just a bit for the last time. "If you, at anytime, felt like you don't like it, or not comfortable, I'll stop. I'll never do something without your permission. And we can set boundaries before it, so I can know what makes you uncomfortable."

    She looked away from him and bit her lip again. Silence fell for what it felt like the longest moment in his life, and when he decided to talk again he heard her voice came very low just like she's whispering. "OK... "

    "Did you just said "OK"?" He must have heard her wrong. 

    "Yes I said OK, happy? Satisfied?"      He was going to shot back with a smart-ass reply but he then noticed her face. A pink dusk was on her face and it seems she can't look directly at his eyes. "Omg, don't tell me you're blushing? No seriously, you, blushing?"

    "Just shut up and let's go."

    He chuckled at her again. "Yeah, OK doll. Whatever you say."

    So he held her hands and led her toward the door. "Where?" He didn't need to say more, because her reply came just like he anticipated. 

    "My room."

    Of course it's gonna be her room, he thought as he huffed. And when they stood in front of the door, this time it opened. And Bucky literally yanked her. Steve can wait for another time. 

    But she stooped suddenly, which got him annoyed. "What now doll?"

    "My room," she pointed her finger behind her back. "It's in that way."

    He actually stood for a second before shaking his head in amusement. "Sorry doll," he gave her a charming smile. "Sometimes, this place feels like a damn maze."

[rome-ii6]

GAMES UNTOLD SPOLIERS!

[rome-ii6]

GAMES UNTOLD SPOILERS!

Mostly the cowboy and the goth

[rome-ii6]

Games Untold spoilers!

"The same backward as forward"

[rome-ii6]

Games untold SPOILERS!

Some of my comments in the book!

(There's more, but it's NOT appropriate)

[rome-ii6]

GAMES UNTOLD SPOILERS!

OMG! i love how Avery and Jameson are like: "im so horney for u all the time"

And Toby and Hannah meanwhile be like:

Hannah: Fax u!

Toby: yes pls