roselleroses

[roselleroses]

Something you would do if no one could judge you?

There are so many things i wish i could do. Sometimes i think that the things i adore most are the least normalized in my society.

I wish i could talk about my niche interests as something my friends would like to hear about, would agree and if not, just learn something new.

Because it feels good to know someone learned something new because of you.

I would also make stupid references of memes i love, knowing the wouldnt understand, but wouldnt judge either.

Can you imagine? Mentioning a "jackson wang party" in front of people who never read fanfiction, and dont know what tumblr is? How boring it must be, to only know tiktok, instagram and snapchat.

I would go out wearing whatever i feel like wearing. Id go out dressed like a total slut, but id also go out covered in two jackets, hair messy, lips chapped and mood catastrophic.

But how can i, knowing id see atleast 5 people i know in this small city?

I would wear glitter like lip balm, always there.Id like people to think somethings off if they see me without glitter on my eyes, lips, hair or body.

And when it comes to social media, i would like to be funny and a little famous. Fun pictures, memes, life updates, maybe little vlogs.

And yes, i would post about my interests like crazy, like once in 2023. When i cluelessly posted anything not knowing id go to school to be judged for liking what i like.

I mean if you follow me, why not know me? Why is only some pictures of the sky or myself when i look pretty normalized? But not when i feel pretty and good?

I want to show my interest for my hobbies that are hidden. Yes i love dancing even if im not good at it. Yes, id love to be a writer, even without any readers. I love cooking even though i rarely do it. I love being active, walking, working out..but how can i do it without hearing all their comments? I cant. If i could, i'd be an actress by now, but isnt that a locked up dream?

I want to speak my mind without being judged. Have my opinions on people and sharing them shouldnt feel like spreading rumours. Saying i dislike someone and remove them from my life on the same second shoulf be judged.

Standing up for myself shouldnt be laughed at by bullies, but it is.

I will never have the power i want to have.

Unless i start a new life somewhere far away where no one knows.

And i also want to love freely, i want to find myself. To see how i can be when im in love. To know what it feels like not to care about others if i have my lover beside me. But i guess it wont happen anytime soon. Everything i wanted to try, teenage love, friendships, heart warming people who mean everything to me, they wont come unless i move far away from this city. Because if i did all of these here, i wouldnt be able to save myself like i always do, and i would end up where i dont deserve to be, while they climb higher because theyre normalized and im not. Im different, weird, left out, always.

But its fine because im okay even if i didnt live my teenage years how i wanted to. I'll wait for things to get better, for myself to get better too.

And after that everything i wished for, will come to me. I know it, i believe it.

I hope so, please.

[roselleroses]

"A Little Death"

When I think of death,

I see red and black.

Blood, spilled by someone whose time is running out.

Darkness, the kind that swallows you whole,

and no one knows if there’s light at the end,

or just… nothing.

I’ve always feared it.

Maybe because death is

closing your eyes forever, turning to dust,

and being forgotten.

But maybe, death is beautiful too.

Peaceful. Quiet.

A final breath after a life of chaos.

A soul released from a body that was never lucky.

A fall into peace.

Or maybe, the beginning of something new—

the soul searching for another body to live again.

Death has no schedule.

No script.

It can come today,tomorrow,or next year.

We can change our path,but we can’t outrun death.

There are two roads:

Comfort and laziness now, suffering later.

Or hard work now, reward in the end.

We choose the road.

But death?

Death doesn’t choose. It arrives.

It doesn’t care if you were kind or cruel.

It doesn’t show mercy.

It simply ends whoever’s time has come.

There are so many things I want to say.

So many truths I want to unlock.

But time is short.

Life is short.

And somewhere,

death is hiding.

waiting for me to wander close enough,

to trap me in its final, silent snare.

In the eternal end.

…Or maybe not.

Wrote this when i was 15. Omg its been so long.

[roselleroses]

Turmoil that isn't mine, but i suffer.

My hands ache to strangle the people who snatched my dreams.

Not because I want to kill them

I just want them to feel

what it’s like to have the one thing keeping you alive,

ripped away.

My fingers twitch, craving the feeling

of blood drying like plaster on my skin

the same way I’ve had to fake a smile

while their words gutted me like knives.

My eyes blink calmly,

but behind them are faces I can’t unsee.

Faces that made me lose myself in a never-ending loop,

where I thought I healed every night,

just to bleed again every morning.

My lips are bloody from biting them shut

just to keep the tears in

when their mocking laughter echoed louder than my own thoughts.

And my heart...

it holds me back from sucking the soul out of their mouths.

From tearing that rotten heart from their chest

just to feel the poison that broke me.

Because they didn’t just break me

they passed their turmoil to me.

And I suffered.

My hands ached to strangle myself.

My hands twitched to see my own blood.

My eyes streamed like rivers.

My lips quivered, bruised,

zipped shut to silence my screaming soul.

My heart heaved with weight that wasn’t mine.

But I carried it.

And I suffered.

;Was re-watching this kdrama named "The call". So i got motivated from Oh Young Sook.☎️

[roselleroses]

"No One Noticed"

No one noticed.

Sometimes,

life is meant for you

to die alone.

Not because you did anything wrong

there’s no reason at all.

You just feel like you don’t fit in.

And then you're not accepted.

By anyone.

Not even society’s leftovers.

You try.

God, you try.

You change your style,

change your humor,

change your face.

More makeup. Less makeup.

New clothes. New tone.

New “you.”

New "you."

New. You.

But no matter the version

they still don’t want the update.

You are just not meant for others.

You are just here.

For yourself.

By yourself.

It’s like the world built a wall

between you and “them”

and no matter how hard you climb,

all you ever get

is a glimpse of the other side.

But never be the other side.

So maybe…

I am one of those people.

A being formed

by a little of everyone I’ve ever met.

A mosaic made of mismatched pieces,

a mirror reflecting what you want to see.

I know your local humor.

I get your western memes.

I can dress basic.

I can serve looks.

I can be every version you want.

I’ve got a costume for every scene,

a voice for every script.

Because somewhere along the line,

I became

everyone

but myself.

Watching best friends.

Watching couples.

Watching two.

Just two.

Because two is complete.

The good needs the bad.

The light needs the dark.

The happy needs the sad.

But me?

Everyone I meet has their “two.”

Their other half.

And me?

I was just the third.

The fourth.

The hundredth.

So I divided.

By two.

Now there are two of me.

Two faces.

Two halves hiding behind the same skin.

I became

my own light

to my own darkness.

Each day decides who I am.

Not crazy.

Just me.

The real me.

So I decided:

I’ll be my own soulmate.

Because no one gets me like I do.

I am harsh.

But maybe

I’m still that child

looking for a partner in class,

pretending to be fine working alone.

The girl decoding jokes tonight

just to laugh on time tomorrow

only to find out

there’s a new joke now.

A new circle.

A new laugh.

And I’m still outside of it.

I was always

the second option.

The background extra.

The one hoping someone would notice.

But no one noticed.

Note: didnt think i'd get noticed by a poets' group, im thankful !!