rosesdippedinshadows

[rosesdippedinshadows]

Halcyon

Halcyon- denoting a period of time in the past that was idyllically happy and peaceful.

He missed it.

He missed the summer flowers which could only be relished in the wide fields. He missed his luna, oh how she would roll and bark around the house, with no care in the world, her eyes holding all the joy a man could only dream of.

He missed the night sky. He missed sitting on the roof with Jackie, her hair stubbornly cut short and dyed an unnatural blue that stood out from her tanned skin. Her eyes would hold the colours of the sea and sky, the scar across her cheekbone prominent, "it is beautiful", she would insist stubbornly, jutting her jaw and frowning.

He missed the warmth that surrounded him, each time he ventured into the orchards. He missed the wine his grandfather would brew as the sun descended to let the moon take over.

He missed his pillow, free of tears and sadness. He missed his clear skin, with no circles around his wrists to remind him of the pains in life.

He missed it all.

[rosesdippedinshadows]

Entry 1

12th of January, 2019

This is the first time I have entered anything at all in this diary of mine. I suppose I never had any reason to put my pen on paper to express myself before, but I do now.

He left me.

There will be a lot of him in the entries that will be written, the person might not be the same, but that is all they will mean to me. The boys who yet again broke my heart.

But that is for the years to come, as of now, there is only one he that has managed to venture past the thick wall through my heart, break it and waltz out like nothing ever happened.

I feel numb now, it is much worse of a feeling than that of your heart breaking. I simply don't feel at all. It scares me. But I am not concerned about my fear, it is alright to fear when you feel something new and do not know what to do.

Scratch that, I know exactly what to do. I simply don't wish to do it. The doctor will give me pills, turn me into a junky, I won't be able to paint without a clear head. The mediations do anything but keep my head clear.

It will be alright soon, I have a canvas, I have a brush and I have paint.

It will be alright.

[rosesdippedinshadows]

Cigarettes and broken hearts

It started with a smoke.

Funny really, how someone can make you feel like the most loved person in the world. Pulling you into their web of lies, spinning and weaving around you. Until they get bored of your affection that is.

Then they leave you to succumb and get tangled in that web. That is how you wear pain, like a second skin.

It was that cursed winter night. The music of the club thudding dully outside. She was the only one standing in the dingy alley. It reeked of alcohol and trash. She despised the area but it was better than that of the confines of the club, you could not sit there without some sweaty body rubbing against you.

A smoke out in the alleys was a much better option. That is what she did, and that was when he approached her.

He had asked for a lighter, casually breeching through her walls. He was not repulsed when she brought the cancer stick to her arm and stubbed it there, he simply raised an eyebrow at her and dragged her out to his house, "only to talk". He had promised.

Perhaps that was what she had fallen for, his calm facade and quiet way of stopping her from doing everything that made her feel. The way he slowly strung her to his bits and pieces, letting her drag behind him like a dog. It was something new, the pleasure of it was much more addictive, but the cuts made would not heal. They were raw and open.

Raw and open, vulnerable.

That is how he left her.

[rosesdippedinshadows]

The girl with the book

When a person walks away after a hug goodbye, they forget it all. At least that is what they said....

I remembered. I remember the way we would sit next to each other, the silence between us stretching for miles on end. Each content in her own world of myths and faes. 

I remember so precisely, the way she would use anything gifted to her by anyone as a bookmark, then, she would tuck her hair behind her ears and look over at me. The fog of the supernatural barely lifted, she would enquire for the time, sometimes forgetting the watch that sat idle on her wrist.

She despised milk, almost as much as I loved it. 

I despised tomatoes, almost as much as she loved them. 

We would sit and talk for hours on end, starting a career together, a little bussiness of our own. She would be the chef and I, the one at the counter. The roles would never change. Oh how hopeful we were.

I don't find the same hope in me now. We will meet again, I know it. Just like how I know that there is blood running through my veins. I am certain, I will see her and she will widen her eyes slightly like she always does when she is happy. 

[rosesdippedinshadows]

I quietened my life

Until the only thing I could hear

Was the sound that blood makes in you body

When you are still enough and listen

And the tapping of rain on a windowsill

And the simmer of sage leaves as they coil

The familiar clicking of a keyboard

And the steeliness of a frigid afternoon

Each of these an encryption

Reminding me what matters

Telling me where to go

-Brianna Wiest

SALT WATER

[rosesdippedinshadows]

Goodbyes

If there was anything she could be certain about, it was that people changed. When people change, they leave.

They would change like how the warmth of spring would way to the bitterness of autumn. Like water in a river, and when they did.....she would be discarded. Like something as unimportant as a stray hair or a speck of dust. Like a memory that no longer serves its purpose, or a form of entertainment that was deemed unamusing.

There was anything much she could do about it. All she could do was cry, cry until her body couldn’t afford to spend anymore moisture for the broken heart. She would lay in the cold and wait for something to find her.

Anything.

Be it death or cold, or warmth or sunshine. She would want to feel anything other than that of the numbing pain that would fill her body. After all, the addiction it held would be something she would never be able to let go of.

Until death.

[rosesdippedinshadows]

Green-eyed Angel

Every night when the candles extinguished, he would visit her, fill her thoughts with the richest of promises. his honey-smooth voice impossible to ignore.

And she like the soft-hearted fool she was would believe him, she found him an angel as he climbed into her room. Neither storm nor snow would keep her angel away, he was in her mind....eternal.

It did not take a blizzard to stop his visits, it simply took a beauty with a white parasol to lure him away. He left her for another, all promises thrown down the drain, he was no longer her green-eyed angel.

[rosesdippedinshadows]

And to a place I come where nothing shines

Dante