#pain and love

[goldenpoet1]

I hold on to life like a man in his last days. I think of open fields and sunlight, yet in reality, it's nothing more than darkness and pain. Yet speaking about it is just an open conversation. The only time I relate to life is when the rain hits my face and the waters of life dance with my tears filled with emotions of nothingness. People say scars heal. It takes time. But isn't time against us? Following the exasperation date, I thought that tomorrow was not promised today. Yet fading away like history. I know life is a mystery. Yet misery is the best friend to depression and false clarity. It's okay to cry, but it feels like self genocide. Only inside actions stands clear, but the pass shows itself in the rear view mirror. The mask cracks as my smile starts to deplete and painful feelings repeat. Let my heart skip a beat to only be free six feet deep. That's how I'll be happy and free from this lost dreadful sea.

[chirpyblues]

today when that song played

my heart felt that hollow pain

and that was when i realised

that i will write about him

till my ink bleeds dry and

my heart stops beating

there are some people who

you just never move on from

they remain, in memories

in thoughts and in wounds

i think he is that for me

the pain of having his memory

always triumphs forgetting him

and maybe someday in life

he will read this little poem

and he’ll know that it was real

it was always real for me

~ shreeya.

[jennay]

Love and Pain (5)

I Don't Want to Choose

You reluctantly opened your eyes this morning, your body forcing you to wake up; the sight in front of you startled you for a moment, and then a smile placed on your lips.

Jamie.

Your eyes roamed over his features. Smooth, bronzed skin that seemed to glow in the morning light, not a single imperfection in sight. His lips, full and inviting, drew you closer, while the sharp lines of his jaw and cheekbones gave him an almost otherworldly look like a figure from ancient mythology come to life before you. Something comes over you like you've been in this situation before with Jamie. Without hesitating, you brush his short hair out of his face.

Jamie grins, his eyes slowly flutter open for a quick second, taking in the sight of you lying beside him. "Your hands are so soft," he murmurs.

You laugh, feeling a blush creep up your cheeks. "Thanks, I guess?" you say, trying to hide your embarrassment.

"Weren't you supposed to leave last night?" you ask, throwing off your blankets and getting ready to start the day.

He looks at you with a tired expression and yawns. "You cuddled up to me; it was adorable. I didn't want to wake you up," he admits, his voice low and raspy.

You can't help but smile at his words, feeling your heart flutter at the thought of him wanting to stay by your side. "Wonder if your brother's up yet. Maybe I can still sneak out," His eyes dart around the room.

You can't resist teasing him, suggesting with a playful grin, "There's always the window!"

You rush to the walk-in closet and feel a sense of relief wash over you. Finally, you can change without Jamie's prying eyes on you. Your heart sinks when you glimpse yourself in the mirror on the door. The bruises on your arms are a reminder of daily pain. The raised scars on your left arm tell the story of your darkest moments, a constant battle to escape the world. Your brother Joseph knows the truth, but the thought of revealing more of your secrets fills you with dread.

You jolted at the sound of the doorbell and the approaching footsteps echoing down the hallway. Hurriedly, you pulled down the window blinds and peeked out, only to see Jake's rusty old truck parked in the driveway, causing panic. Jamie immediately notices the sudden shift in your mood and asks, "What's wrong?"

You step away from the window. Your breathing is uneven and loud; you start for the bedroom door with Jamie behind you.

"(Y/N)." He harshly whispers, but you don't stop. "Wait up."

You whip around the corner to be met by Joseph facing away from you. He is calm and collected as he speaks with Jake. He's warning him to leave, but Jake isn't budging. "I know she's here! She has nowhere else to go." Jake towers over Joseph, attempting to use his height to intimidate him, but your brother remains unfazed and seems to find the situation entertaining.

Jake smiles when you come into view, "Ah, there she is. I missed you, baby." He smirks, "Can you let me talk to my girlfriend, Joseph?"

Joseph swiftly extended his arm horizontally, effectively blocking your path toward Jake. You tried to push past his arm, but Jamie intervened by grabbing your arm. His pleading sapphire eyes begged you to stay back. However, you were unwilling to follow through and forcefully removed his hand from your arm. "Don't touch me." You tell him.

Jake's eyes land on Jamie, who he instantly despises. "Anything you have to say?" Jake sarcastically says. "You know, you could pretend you're happy to see me." His smirk makes you sick.

You nod, smoothly slide under Joseph's arm, and push Jake towards the driveway. Your eyes meet Joseph's, "It's ok." You tell him.

Joseph and Jamie watch the situation as the front door shuts; they stand by the large bay window. They know Jake wouldn't dare touch you despite their fear of you being alone.

"What're you doing here?"

"Me?" He says, pointing to himself, "What are YOU doing here?" He roughly pokes your chest; you know it will leave a mark. You rub the spot quickly before saying, "You shouldn't be here. You'd be lucky if Joseph hasn't already called the police." You fold your arms across your chest, waiting for a reasonable response.

"Get in the car." He grabs you by your bicep and drags you toward his vehicle. "We're going home."

You know that if you get in that car, this will likely be the last time anyone sees you alive.

Jake's grip tightens on your arm, and you squeal with pain. "Stop! You're hurting me."

You hear the front door fling open, and before you know it. Jamie is standing in between you and Jake. Joseph is gently guiding you away from the men.

"Go inside." He says, pointing toward his house.

"Joseph...please." Your eyes water profusely. "Just let me-"

He shakes his head, telling you no, "Go inside!" His voice is firm, and he is not budging on this topic.

You watch out the window; a policeman pulls into Joseph's driveway. You can't watch it anymore. Fear overwhelms you, and even though three men are willing to protect you, you still feel frightened. You leave the living room and scurry to Joseph's spare room. Desperate to escape the chaos, you frantically turn up the volume on the TV and bury yourself under layers of blankets, hoping to find some comfort and safety.

You don't know how long you laid like that before Joseph knocked on the bedroom door. "(Y/N)?" The door closes behind him. "He's gone."

You slowly pull the blankets off your body and sit up. Joseph doesn't waste any time making himself comfortable next to you.

The two of you sit in silence, neither knowing what to say. Joseph wants to ask you where you found such a shitty boyfriend and why you stayed so long; how could you allow him to treat you that terribly? Joseph doesn't ask those questions. He decides to ask. "Are you ok?"

You give a slight nod, not wanting to go any deeper into your emotions as you're afraid you might start crying, and you need to compose yourself. Joseph notices and reaches to you, resting his hand on your knee. He gently asks, "Is there anything I can do to help you?" You appreciate this but shake your head, saying, "No."

A gentle smile falls on his lips. "So, Jamie?" He laughs.

"It's nothing. We smoked a cigarette outside; I was weird and struggling. He kept me company, and I guess we just fell asleep."

"I'd like it to stay innocent, Jamie is my close friend, and you are my sister. I don't want to choose between you if something goes wrong." He tells you. "It's quite weird to me." Joseph looks like someone is forcing him to have the birds and bees conversation; he's stressed. "Jamie is an incredible person, and you are lovely, but I'm not going to say I'd be ok with the two of you dating. You have healing to do, and Jamie's, well, he's Jamie." He laughs. "Wears his heart on his sleeve."

You lean your head on Joseph's shoulder. "I wasn't thinking about dating Jamie. He's neat, and I'm glad to have a new friend, but we're just friends. You don't need to worry about it." You pause, "I'd like to be alone for a bit if you don't mind."

Joseph nods, "Take your time. I'll order some food, and you can come out when you're ready."

Part 6

[ayainthebooks]

Things I want you tell me :

I love you more then you think I do

I don't care about that , I still love you .

When we get married ...

Yeah go for it, I've got your back .

I could listen to you talk all night .

I wish you could be in my arms right now.

Want a hug ?

I need you .

You make my day a thousand times better .

I want you .

[rolloroberson]

Cold Steel

Things are beginning to pile up on me

And that cold steel whispers my name,

Sitting here dreaming up reasons

Why the reality I feel isn’t really real,

Maybe today a new song will start playing,

And the fleeting hope that this isn’t the end to which I’m resigned,

And some new softer vision,

Will shift my focus from this living horror to the merely sublime.

I can wait around for the silence to wake me from this saddened slumber,

Or a healing touch to reach out

And spare the broken hearted lame-

But things are beginning to pile up on me

And that cold steel is crying my name.

Rolloroberson©2022

“But I don't know what love is

Is there something else giving me the chills?

But if my hands are the color of blood

Then baby I can tell you, sure I can tell you

Love kills, love kills

Love kills, love kills”- Joe Strummer

[dragonman001]

Found this

[musewrangler]

https://archiveofourown.org/works/39610458

A grand and impressive monument was dedicated to him on Coruscant—one of the great heroes of the New Republic.

But it was this humble gravestone on a simple planet which meant the most to all who gathered there each year to remember and weep together.

[kelsey-rea]

Just venting:

It's been a real struggle here lately. My mental health has been at an all time low. I've allowed someone who I loved & still love, to disrespect me in ways no one ever has. Degrade me & my body to bring me down to his level. Disrespect me in front of my children. Steal from me. He stole more than what money can replace. When you're mistreated for so long, by someone who says they love you, it leaves a mark. It starts to feel like everything their saying is true. I'm not perfect either, by any means. There's so much more to come. Welcome to the beginning of my healing journey. Bare with me while my emotions are everywhere. Healing is messy. Healing is uncomfortable. Healing is finding the person you lost within yourself. This is only the beginning.

[phantom-of-the-501st]

Remember that this is not the proof that they love each other

That was a last-ditch attempt from Crowley to get Aziraphale to stay

This is the proof that they love each other

Their love wasn't just made real because they kissed

It always existed

[noknowshame]

why is religious Christmas imagery all so joyful and pleasant? where is the inherent horror of the birth of Christ? A mother is handed her newborn child, wailing and innocent. Her hands come away sticky. Red. Simply by giving her son life she has already killed him. He is doomed from the beginning. Her love will not save him from suffering. Because the thing cradled in her arms is not a baby, it is a sacrifice: born amongst the other bleating animals whose blood will one day be spilled in the name of what demands it. the night is silent with anticipation. Mary, did you know? That your womb was also a grave?

[o0kawaii0o]

no mercy 😭

[goldenpoet1]

Is life golden, not when life's rope is tighted around our neck; and your hope is burning out like logs in a barn fire. Cold wind starts to creep, and the feeling of weakness pulls me deep. I can't think, nor sleep. The days turn into weeks, another day without sleep. Thoughts leave me weak, afraid, and bleak. I wither away to ashes and decay.

[sevinite]

a modern witch and their familiar

[opossumisst]

[Goddess of Rot]

I forgot tumblr existed again but hi ive been playing elden ring

[ayainthebooks]

You say you love me but don't know how to show, I say it's okay I know what's in your heart and one day you'll learn , and then I feel down or insecure and all I want is for you say I'm the most beautiful person you know , that you'll never leave despite all my faults , is it unfair from me to expect you to put the few movie you watched into use .

[nobie]

#ineffable idiots