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[rovimrtheduck]

Stuff I've heard at school: Part 17

Hey, make your characters better at crying

That'll add to her story, her dad's dead, she has cancer…

It's the poor people of France. It is! They literally live in a hole

*A full hour and a half of listing things they have eaten that they really shouldn't have, including various chemicals* "And you know what's crazy, I have an iron deficiency."

+ "Yeah I've had all of this, but I've never had any pork before, lol. Yeah, like, I've eaten hydrogen peroxide, but never, like, pork or anything"

Bro's paragraphing in the comments section

Oh! I'm stupid, there's only 12 months in a year.

I'm sorry to inform you that brown people can also get skin cancer. Do you want melanoma??

There's already so much shit going on in my life, I don't really care if I get skin cancer

P1: "You got orange juiced!"

P2: "Jizzed"

P1: "ORANGE JIZZED"

Pennywise is Drake confirmed

Pennywise is such a cutiepie

This is why the kid is getting bullied, I assume

P1: Is it shrimp?…what's it made out of?

P2: …SHRIMP. WhAt Is ThE sHrImP mAdE oUt Of? Fucking Shrimp!

P1: Guess who the pickle was. *Sing song voice* Barack Obama~

P2: Barack obama can sing?!

I've never been smart a day in my life, and honestly, life is a lot easier that way. A lot less stress.

That's probably why your back hurts, little miss scoliosis!

*in a very fake Irish accent* S isn't a vowel, is it?

As delicious as this is, you can taste where I went wrong

P1: If you're still gay, I have something to show you later (on my phone)

P2: ...what the fuck do you mean 'if I'm still gay'?? What am I going to be? Sorry, I'm not gay anymore, I'm a fascist, actually. The fuck??

P1: Are you scared of brain-eating amoeba?

P2: Well, a lot of people I know don't have much brains to offer

P1: Burger King x Ronald McDonald, with Ronald as the top

P2: Y'know jesters work FOR the king, right?

P1: Yeah, and now he's working IN the king too

P1: The drawer hurt me!

P2, in a completely deadpan voice: Domestic abuse via drawer

P1: I am hoping and praying I didn't just start (my period) P2: I'll lick it (u‿ฺu✿ฺ) P1, very firmly: You should be put on a list.

[rovimrtheduck]

Stuff I've heard at school: Part 16

P1: "As long as it doesn't bother the people with OCD then it's okay"

P2: "And who cares if your shirt comes undone"

My imaginary friend is Jeremy, what's yours? ADOLF HITLER!

P1: "Double it and give it to the next person"

P2: "Double your GAY and give it to the next person??"

P1: "Yeahhhh"

You're autistic AND gay! You're a nightmare to interior design!

I love Hozier! That funky little bog man has my soul in a chokehold

I fucking hate that felt-faced freak (about a French puppet pineapple)

My baseball playing dad snooped through my yarn

When two chairs love each other very much…

I don't wanna read French I have a headache. I don't wanna HEAR French, I have a HEADACHE!

*Teacher walks in wearing a Boston Bruins jersey, immediate sounds of booing*

P1: When I say skin color I mean my skin color (brown)

P2: can't really argue with that

P1: "I'm not going to give you the context, I'm only going to say one thing, FUCK women"

P2: "That's probably the right thing to say to the lesbian"

Ciel hasn't even entered the chat yet and we're using his name in vain

Pass the gauntlet or get cancer

Oh yeah, sorry I killed you, at least you're alive now

Yeah, you have to be a good classmate, and donate your liver

P1: "You should eat, oranges! Orange slices"

P2: "How is that going to help?"

P1: "The power of- the power of-"

P2: "The power of vitamins?"

P1: "The power of Asians"

First word, happening to be a bad one. Very first word of the day.

Bro got leukemia and dipped, like I never met him, my dad never met him

P1: "Give him a hot chocolate"

P2: "He'll die if he has a warm drink-"

P1: "Then give him cold chocolate??"

P2: "You mean chocolate milk?"

What is the up guys *arms crossed, peace signs*

P1, very aggressively: What does you law teacher tell you guys every day?!

P2: Have a good day, stay in school, don't do drugs

P1: And what did you do?

P1: I'm having a bad day, I've been skipping school, and I'm on drugs

P1: "hey white people"

looks of confusion at the one brown member

P2: I'm not white?

P1: Oh. well you're an honorary white. a half-white

P2: Half-white! I have partial rights now.

somebody in this hallway smells like tomato soup

give him a room temperature lemonade

nobody's gonna mug me for my glasses, they're from Walmart!

Art kid (derogatory)

If grandma is racist can grandma be racist on facebook

No it was music sent from GOD when I found the scorpion. It was telling me I was going to die

*Calmly listens to msub whimper audios in the middle of class, locked in on math sheets*

Singing Gaston in perfect key, loudly in the hallway

Maybe Saladfingers's autistic son

Hashtag free your mom

P1, a lot louder than he should have been: "The robot! saw the kid jacking off!"

P2, in a tired sort of quiet: "Yeah, that sounds about right"

P1: "My donuts dead"

P2: "What"

P1: "My milkshake is dead."

Donuts make me nut

If you do that one more time, I'm going to turn you into a pickle jar

Cross breeding turnips

P1: "I don't like how that's shaped. It's shaped a little too suggestivly"

P2: "It's a fucking radish"

Is vibrainium used to create vibrators? That's why it's called vibrainium

pp is irrelevant

I wanna eat your phone screen

I can change my gayness flavor

Dumbo, affectionately

P1: "What's up straights, gays and Asians

P2: That's crazy, what's up jew

You're out of your 'normal' pills (adhd meds)

*exasperated, after getting objected every other sentence during a mock trial * Can you just let me cook??

[rovimrtheduck]

Stuff I've heard at school: Part 15

He didn't lose a braincell he lost the entire brain

So throughout the game he kept going 'you don't want my chunky dick?'

I do not care about your bowl movements

No one cares about your asshole

Strawberry twink

He would taste like strawberry mochi

It would look like someone exploded

P1: Those tasted like my gandmas house

P2: why are you eating your grandmas house

P1: "My grandpas not dead. The other one is, but this one isn't"

P2: "Give him time"

Teacher: yeah that's right! lower your head in shame! lower! lower!

Student, doing a walk of shame for overdue work: any lower than this and I'll be crawling!

Quebec French just, SOUNDS like they're cursing you out

This guy's hiding the fact that he, like, ties a kite to his phone

I was just going to say he has really child bearing hips

P1: "Debrah (a rifle gun) would be happy"

P2: "What's debrahs beef with me"

P1: "She doesn't like you because you've used her one too many times lol"

P2: "…is that a terrorist joke?"

P1: "yeah"

P2: "haha okay cool just checking hahaha"

Please lets refrain from calling teachers twinks

P1: "Guatamala"

P2: "That says Gujrat"

P1: "Guatamalaaa"

P2: "I guess I'm guatamalan now? lol"

P1: "Yeah you're guava"

P1, to P3: Yeah, well, I'm not Indian P2, distracted by his phone: You mean Indigenous P1, gesturing to P3, who is Indian: No I mean Indian P2, not looking up: Yeah, the proper term is Indigenous P1, aggressively gesturing to P3, who is waving awkwardly: No, I mean INDIAN P2, finally looking up: OHH! I thought you were talking about Indigenous 'Indian'! My bad, my bad.

what the hap just fuckened

P1: "Drank perfumes?"

P2: "What?"

P1: "All I heard was you went to bath and body works to drink perfume"

Do you know how balls deep I need to be in a story to be effectively begging my screen to kill off a character?

That is the sauciest look I've ever seen someone give me

Because when they're going out to no-mans land that what they're thinking, 'I want a really nice tank, very visually pleasing tank, I don't want that Mark One'

"Yo, FUCK him I'd smash his mom"

+ "Yeah and after we're done I'm going to look him dead in the eye and say 'I fucked your mom'"

P1: "Thank you for violating my (oc) characters"

P2, in an uncomfortably eager voice: "I can violate them even more if you want"

"It's the cummie water from school" sips "oh yeah, that is cum"

"Where did you get these genes from"

*looks down at his jeans* "Old Navy?"

"and he goes 'My body is my resume!' and takes his shirt off, and I showed it to my manager because I had no idea what to say"

They literally pickled a baby! (in reference to Ares mythology)

You can either be gay or funny, choose one

I identify as out of this-world

The G in LGBT stands for God

OoOoh, I don't know what I did, but I am learning SO MUCH.

Dionysus is his tumor then!

This is my tumor, he's a drunken little shit who we decided to banish to earth for a while

Blowjobs, for anyone who isn't a sex worker, should be called blowhobbies

What do you call two Jewish stoner in a car? A gas chamber

It's not because you're a rabbit, it's bc you're black!

I inhaled a piece of cheese and it won't get UNINHAILED *coughing*

Who needs their liver anyway

We're the testicles

Why did you give me that look? You look like a child seeing their father for the first time after getting the milk

UM NO. I think that's YOU little miss toe-socks

Even your writing looks dyslexic

Lycan we're both failing math, I don't need this right now.

Reverse racism, but not like, in a racist way

Wow, you even SOUND dyslexic

[rovimrtheduck]

Stuff I've heard at school: Part 14

I'm a neo-nazi now. I'm the first black nazi.

Obama?! Somebody killed Obama?!

You look-you drank like, cumshot water! (bc the school water in his bottle was murky and kinda white)

Penguins and sex. That's what's happening.

Meemaw?! You think Meemaw serves cunt?!

My friends are starting a petition to put me down.

P1: "I want your kids"

P2: "sorry I don't share my food"

Your racist towards the ender dragon!

I'm sure anyone would be turned off if you finger their bellybutton

Mathew! stop fingering their hole! Don't finger his nipples!

P1: "ooh spoiler"

P2: "how do I spoil homelessness??"

P1: You liking your nuts?

P2: "I love my nuts everyday"

What do you mean 'that's what they want us to think'?? Are you telling me Walt Disneys death is a conspiracy??

That's very straight of you, Grey.

Coming from a straight man, that's the only thing he's allowed to say

My autistic romance

Are you…a radish

Why do you have Edward Cullen ai pictures

Edward Cullen dressed up as Patrick with SpongeBob

Are snakes just sperm worms?

P1: Then what gives you rights?

P2: "I'm a white colonizer"

[coy] Oh nooo, don't colonize me, you're so sexy, ahaha

Honestly, Dutchie sounds like a slur.

P1: Go back to your country!

P2: "telling a white person to go back to their own country is crazyyy"

Your EYEBROWS are dead??

No please don't finger my computer

Oh my god it's unicorn sperm

I don't think you want to fuck pigs

I swear to god someone came in the water tank

Did you just say you nutted in a kindergartener?!

+ "no he said he nutted in a bag of jellybeans and gave it to a kindergartener"

You have a butthole with lipgloss on it lol

P1: "Oh yeah lemme just pull a tablet out of my ass to play cookie run kingdom"

P2: "Why do you have a tablet up your ass"

[struggling to eat shawarma] "i imagine this is what sucking dick is like"

Well sue me for forgetting that you don't have an organic dick

How long is 20cm?

P1: "12:00 dosn't seem like a real time"

P2: "YOU don't seem like a real time"

Yes Lycan, we know you're Lycan.

AHH boobs! [fearful]

I am 637 words into this vore

YOU'RE a xylophone

[rovimrtheduck]

Stuff I've heard at school: Part 13

White people are mood rings

Voldemort doesn't have a nose, you're like a reverse Voldemort

I hope my mom likes the nuts. [a beat] laughter

I'll take your breathalizer up my ass

Ah yes, I am pissing

Sacrifice your body because it's fun!! 😀

Hitler would have fun with Minecraft

Your dad was hot when he was younger

I'm hungry for jewish people

I was gonna say, it's not a dick it's TURKEY SLICES, get it right

NO! Dehydrate you scum

Gay hamster? *smiling softly*

Person 1: "Weedle looks like anal beads"

Person 2: "but you know if you put one up your ass, like, the whole thing is gonna go up there"

Nazi Pokemon!

Person 1: "Hitler would have a coffing and weezing"

Person 2: "oh like the gas chambers"

The world war would have been really fun with pokemon

Oh my god they Conner Kented Spiderman and Deadpool! (in reference to one of the marvel comics)

Not in, like, an orgy way!

1: "Oh, I heard IMPORTED" 2: "Hah yeah Austin is imported from space" 1: "did you get him with free shipping?" 3: "we got him off wish lol"

Why are your elbows wet

"We're younger, our hands matter more. Yours are already wrinkly."🙄

You twisted my arm behind my back and lead me like a war prisoner!

I can cook and I can clean, how many more life skills do I need?

"A genocide??" "A fire genocai"

He's a lab-pitbull mix

I meant that in a vore way, just to be clear.

My glasses are racist?

Do you have a fetish for eggs? hm?

Liam said can you classify sexual assult on a door and I said no you can't it's an object, and he said it's the same with women

You're only bougie in private 💅

"Napoleon ice cream?" silence "do…do you mean NEOPOLITAN ice cream?"

I'm not going to spit on my computer!

I'll be disappointed all I want, ANARCHY!

[rovimrtheduck]

Beware!

[rovimrtheduck]

website

[rovimrtheduck]

My gender is a large raccoon wearing a hoodie and trying to function as a human.

[rovimrtheduck]

This is why I read the reddit comments

[rovimrtheduck]

"one more chapter," I say, you know, like a liar.

[rovimrtheduck]

[rovimrtheduck]

forget zodiac signs, what's your amortentia?

[rovimrtheduck]

REBLOG IF ITS OKAY TO TALK TO YOU.

Please.

[rovimrtheduck]

If anyone is ever confused about the worth of the Wizarding World currency, HP wiki actually not only has the Knut>Sickle>Galleon conversions but also how much different muggle currencies are worth (ex. there's $0.50 CAD to one Sickle, $0.01 USD to one Knut, €5.58 EUR to one Galleon)

[rovimrtheduck]

Stuff I've heard at school: Part 12

You have a name generating plug up your ass

Fellas is it gay to cook a person

Did he turn into a bucket after he graduated? Like, I haven't seen him in a while

"Yeah, you're black"

"I'm black? But I'm brown??"

"Yeah, you're just a light black person"

"They had a cold war so they should have a hot war"

"How would that even work?"

"They could do it in Africa, it's really warm there"

"MY MOUTH IS LONELY"

"GO MAKE OUT WITH SOMEONE THEN"

"BUT FOOD IS BETTER THAN PEOPLE" T^T

'Cause it's fucking abortion water what colour do you think it is?!

Hey guys, Autism here

Your cousin is your kitten?!

I AM NOT A SQUISHMELLOW

Stupid graphing, I'll graph my way to a coffin 😠

Why is your warms so arm

If I die choking on broccoli, bring me back to life and kill me yourself.

What the Kentucky Fried Fuck did I just witness

I would assassinate the president for a cup of coffee right now

[He] always has so much energy I swear he does like two lines of cocaine everyday before school

Someone left their bones here

But that marker's circumcised 😕

I'm sane I'm just dumb

Why did you sniff the water bottle? 🤨

[rovimrtheduck]

there is nothing that gives me more anxiety about this hellsite than the reblog button

[rovimrtheduck]

[Fan]tastic

Bonus: