#use these as you wish

[rovimrtheduck]

Stuff I've heard at school: Part 15

He didn't lose a braincell he lost the entire brain

So throughout the game he kept going 'you don't want my chunky dick?'

I do not care about your bowl movements

No one cares about your asshole

Strawberry twink

He would taste like strawberry mochi

It would look like someone exploded

P1: Those tasted like my gandmas house

P2: why are you eating your grandmas house

P1: "My grandpas not dead. The other one is, but this one isn't"

P2: "Give him time"

Teacher: yeah that's right! lower your head in shame! lower! lower!

Student, doing a walk of shame for overdue work: any lower than this and I'll be crawling!

Quebec French just, SOUNDS like they're cursing you out

This guy's hiding the fact that he, like, ties a kite to his phone

I was just going to say he has really child bearing hips

P1: "Debrah (a rifle gun) would be happy"

P2: "What's debrahs beef with me"

P1: "She doesn't like you because you've used her one too many times lol"

P2: "…is that a terrorist joke?"

P1: "yeah"

P2: "haha okay cool just checking hahaha"

Please lets refrain from calling teachers twinks

P1: "Guatamala"

P2: "That says Gujrat"

P1: "Guatamalaaa"

P2: "I guess I'm guatamalan now? lol"

P1: "Yeah you're guava"

P1, to P3: Yeah, well, I'm not Indian P2, distracted by his phone: You mean Indigenous P1, gesturing to P3, who is Indian: No I mean Indian P2, not looking up: Yeah, the proper term is Indigenous P1, aggressively gesturing to P3, who is waving awkwardly: No, I mean INDIAN P2, finally looking up: OHH! I thought you were talking about Indigenous 'Indian'! My bad, my bad.

what the hap just fuckened

P1: "Drank perfumes?"

P2: "What?"

P1: "All I heard was you went to bath and body works to drink perfume"

Do you know how balls deep I need to be in a story to be effectively begging my screen to kill off a character?

That is the sauciest look I've ever seen someone give me

Because when they're going out to no-mans land that what they're thinking, 'I want a really nice tank, very visually pleasing tank, I don't want that Mark One'

"Yo, FUCK him I'd smash his mom"

+ "Yeah and after we're done I'm going to look him dead in the eye and say 'I fucked your mom'"

P1: "Thank you for violating my (oc) characters"

P2, in an uncomfortably eager voice: "I can violate them even more if you want"

"It's the cummie water from school" sips "oh yeah, that is cum"

"Where did you get these genes from"

*looks down at his jeans* "Old Navy?"

"and he goes 'My body is my resume!' and takes his shirt off, and I showed it to my manager because I had no idea what to say"

They literally pickled a baby! (in reference to Ares mythology)

You can either be gay or funny, choose one

I identify as out of this-world

The G in LGBT stands for God

OoOoh, I don't know what I did, but I am learning SO MUCH.

Dionysus is his tumor then!

This is my tumor, he's a drunken little shit who we decided to banish to earth for a while

Blowjobs, for anyone who isn't a sex worker, should be called blowhobbies

What do you call two Jewish stoner in a car? A gas chamber

It's not because you're a rabbit, it's bc you're black!

I inhaled a piece of cheese and it won't get UNINHAILED *coughing*

Who needs their liver anyway

We're the testicles

Why did you give me that look? You look like a child seeing their father for the first time after getting the milk

UM NO. I think that's YOU little miss toe-socks

Even your writing looks dyslexic

Lycan we're both failing math, I don't need this right now.

Reverse racism, but not like, in a racist way

Wow, you even SOUND dyslexic

[edwardbonnets]

how to ask the demon you've been smitten over for 6000 years to dance: an angel's guide

bonus:

[halorvic]

[pipermintz]

I feel like if humans swallowed rocks like birds do to help grind up food we'd have so much fun with it.

Can just imagine all the girlies on tiktok going "I know this is a bit controversial but I honestly love using limestone as a gastrolith. Not only can you readily forage it but they are just so pretty when smoothed out after regurgitating them"

and then all the comments would be like " girl 😭 😭 calcite dissolves in stomach acid!! Just use quartz if you want a pretty gastrolith like 💀"

[nenoname]

Stan Pines' drawings

Plus a Stan drawing of debatable canonicity but I love his signature being a dollar sign

[captainjonnitkessler]

You know I used to think "tumblr's absolute refusal to actually engage with the Trolley Problem in favor of insisting that there must be a third, morally pure option that doesn't require them to make a hard decision and anyone who asks them to make a binary choice is just a short-sighted idiot is really fucking annoying, but I guess it's not actually doing any harm".

Anyway that was before we asked tumblr at large to decide between "guy aiding a genocide but making progress elsewhere" and "guy who would actively and enthusiastically participate in a genocide and would also make everything else much, much worse for everyone elsewhere" and the response was that there must be a third, morally pure option that doesn't require them to make a hard decision and that anyone who asks them to make a binary choice is a short-sighted idiot.

[oviraptoridae]

here's what ur gonna do. ur gonna get a plain tshirt from anywhere. from ur closet or ur dad or the thrift store or whatever. then ur gonna go to the dollar store or whatever equivalent u have in ur country. ur gonna get fabric paint and a sponge. ur gonna go home and take a cereal box or a cover of a magazine or something similar. ur gonna draw a design on it [or words. or print out a picture and trace it onto the cardstock) and cut out a stencil. then ur gonna use the sponge to dab the paint onto the shirt using the stencil. ur gonna do that thinly in 2-3 coats until it's opaque but not too stiff. then ur gonna let it dry for 24 hours. ur gonna cover that shirt with a thin towel and press an iron against the design for 30 seconds. then ur gonna wash it & wear it. got it?

[brucie-baby]

the fact that alfred was the one to put up jason's memorial is so important to me

[apollos-olives]

before october 7th this blog was a meme page btw.

[egophiliac]

crossing my fingers and wishing upon every star that chapter 10 finally brings us the tweel cards 🤞🤞

[pickled-flowers]

Sex positivity is also about not calling Ace people prude and using virgin as an insult 👍 hope that helps

[rovimrtheduck]

Stuff I've heard at school: Part 14

I'm a neo-nazi now. I'm the first black nazi.

Obama?! Somebody killed Obama?!

You look-you drank like, cumshot water! (bc the school water in his bottle was murky and kinda white)

Penguins and sex. That's what's happening.

Meemaw?! You think Meemaw serves cunt?!

My friends are starting a petition to put me down.

P1: "I want your kids"

P2: "sorry I don't share my food"

Your racist towards the ender dragon!

I'm sure anyone would be turned off if you finger their bellybutton

Mathew! stop fingering their hole! Don't finger his nipples!

P1: "ooh spoiler"

P2: "how do I spoil homelessness??"

P1: You liking your nuts?

P2: "I love my nuts everyday"

What do you mean 'that's what they want us to think'?? Are you telling me Walt Disneys death is a conspiracy??

That's very straight of you, Grey.

Coming from a straight man, that's the only thing he's allowed to say

My autistic romance

Are you…a radish

Why do you have Edward Cullen ai pictures

Edward Cullen dressed up as Patrick with SpongeBob

Are snakes just sperm worms?

P1: Then what gives you rights?

P2: "I'm a white colonizer"

[coy] Oh nooo, don't colonize me, you're so sexy, ahaha

Honestly, Dutchie sounds like a slur.

P1: Go back to your country!

P2: "telling a white person to go back to their own country is crazyyy"

Your EYEBROWS are dead??

No please don't finger my computer

Oh my god it's unicorn sperm

I don't think you want to fuck pigs

I swear to god someone came in the water tank

Did you just say you nutted in a kindergartener?!

+ "no he said he nutted in a bag of jellybeans and gave it to a kindergartener"

You have a butthole with lipgloss on it lol

P1: "Oh yeah lemme just pull a tablet out of my ass to play cookie run kingdom"

P2: "Why do you have a tablet up your ass"

[struggling to eat shawarma] "i imagine this is what sucking dick is like"

Well sue me for forgetting that you don't have an organic dick

How long is 20cm?

P1: "12:00 dosn't seem like a real time"

P2: "YOU don't seem like a real time"

Yes Lycan, we know you're Lycan.

AHH boobs! [fearful]

I am 637 words into this vore

YOU'RE a xylophone

[mythicalcoolkid]

You don't wish your disability was worse or more visible, you wish your disability was taken seriously. Please stop confusing the two, I guarantee you would not get the support you need JUST by being more severe or more visible. Please listen to visibly disabled people when we tell you it isn't better on our side

[muppetfreak]

Mr. Riordan, it is truly a pleasure getting to experience your second draft.

[thegreendiamondart]

Narinder’s April Fools prank on the bishops

Im slightly iffy on my design for Nari when he’s a god. I might tweak it so there can be a tiny bit more gold included.

Versions without text and blur!

[ace-and-ranty]

Nimona, the Comic: If you pay a little bit of attention, and you know a little about the creator, you’ll see this is a clear trans metaphor :)

Nimona, the Movie: (CLAMBERING OUT OF THE DOWN WITH CIS BUS) THIS IS A TRANS METAPHOR. ATTENTION, EVERYBODY, THIS IS A TRANS METAPHOR!