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[sakaringo]

Encore

I tried ending it

I couldn’t eat anything but a few bites of chocolate

And pills

And more pills

And more pills in between

I was young and tired

And I needed all of it to stop.

But it didn’t.

So I tried ending it again

I don’t like things that hurt

So I researched

Then I fell asleep hoping

As I do most nights

That this peace last be forever

But it didn’t.

I couldn’t give up my

Search for peace

My body is burning

My heart is rotting

My soul is weeping

So I tried ending it again

I researched again

I counted all my little pills

I swallowed them

In groups of 5 so they wouldn’t feel alone

I sat alone with my cold dinner.

My cold dinner and I

We cried together like friends at an airport

For all the time we spent together

That would never come back

It felt so final I left a note

It felt so final I called someone

It felt so final I had to proclaim my love

In my sleep I screamed

The scream comforted

It’s almost over

It’s almost over

But it didn’t.

I woke up in a small moving space

Tired and disappointed and groggy

Lots of people around

I’m fine. Just let me down. I’m fine

The needle wouldn’t come out

They shouted and yelled and snapped to keep me down

I was tired———

Tired of explaining

Tired of trying

Tired of the 5 minutes of pity

Tired of the looks of misery

Tired of the hidden smiles

Tired of the phony wiles

Tired of the humiliation

Tired of the admonition

So here I am

Trying it again

Slowly quilting my little joys

A blanket to wear

While I wait for the next encore

Hoping it will be the last

——— Akaringosu

[sakaringo]

心はたまにこんな感じ

[sakaringo]

女性って社会的に成功しても日本では女社長とか女医とかって結局男性からは尊敬されず、性的悦びの対象になるんだなぁって心が折れました。

いつになったら対等になれるんだろう。

いつになったら人間になれるんだろう。

[sakaringo]

“Hate is a place where a man who can’t stand sadness goes.“ - Kentaro Miura

[sakaringo]

It’s always the small things

[sakaringo]

安心したい

I want to feel safe

木漏れ日の中、大好きな人に膝枕してもらって髪を梳いてもらってるような

The feeling of resting my head on the knees of someone I love under the cool summer shade of a tree

そんな安心が何より欲しい

That’s the safety I want more than anything