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sapphiccuddy · 3 days ago

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talking about the fucking desk

[ a ramble / rant / analysis / post about 5x10 Let Them Eat Cake ]

this post is ~1.6k words

A starting preamble, because I can never help myself: this post focuses on the last few scenes of this episode — what I call the "groping scene" and the "table scene", one bridging scene in between, and the final scene — because they're just what I had the most to talk about and what I think are my most fully formed thoughts lol.

“You’re not stopping me because you have the hots for me” “You’re still here because you have the hots for me.”

Neither of them deny either of these claims, they just assert bigger reasons why the other must like them; without denying that they like them, too. It's a game of chicken. Neither one wants to fess up first, so they've spent this whole episode trying to get one another to break. Too bad they're both an equal amount of stubborn.

“Why are you dressed like that? Why do you try so hard to get my attention?”

The questions come so abruptly, they’re quite startling on a first watch. And while I don’t like the implication that Cuddy dresses a certain way for House (or for men in general), that’s besides the point. The point here is that Cuddy is trying to get House’s attention in any way she can. It’s kind of super pathetic, honestly. She’s dressing more provocatively, she’s taking over his office, she’s getting in his way at every turn, she’s playing the same juvenile games as him. It’s clear that she is trying to get his attention, and she’s trying pretty hard at it.

It's also a subtle way for House to admit that how Cuddy's dressing turns him on while also pitting the blame for that onto her, instead of just saying "I think you look good." Because god forbid anything be simple with these two.

“Are you screwing with me?” “Are you screwing with me?”

They keep repeating the different phrases and questions back at each other because they’re both doing the same thing. They’re both being avoidant while trying to force the other to step up and admit to their feelings. They’re both cowards and they both know it.

“Everybody knows this is going somewhere. I think we’re supposed to kiss now.”

Cuddy uses this close-contact moment to get the littlest bit vulnerable. This is the closest she comes to flat out saying she likes him and wants to pursue him — but there’s still that barrier there, she still doesn’t.

I think the big thing here is that Cuddy is trying to play along with House’s games with an end goal in mind — getting them together, somehow. Her logic is faulty. The gaming works only because House likes to game, not because it’ll actually get somewhere. It's ultimately unproductive; Cuddy has to learn this the hard way.

The games of this episode are all back and forth; point, counterpoint. Cuddy does something, House does something more, and they go on and on into infinity. This game can only last so long until something breaks; Cuddy thinks that this will be getting House to finally admit the actuality of his — and, by extension, her — feelings, but in reality, it serves to further prove House’s inability to give up; his need for one-upmanship. House wins the battle by groping Cuddy — he’s able to further avoid his feelings, and thus the vulnerability that comes with — but he doesn’t win the war; he loses her.

In House’s defense, though, Cuddy also isn’t trying to do any of the heavy lifting herself here. She deliberately uses third person language, she never actually admits her feelings either. If Cuddy herself cannot actually admit to her feelings, how can she expect that of House? It’s very much a have your cake and eat it too moment, and I think that’s what the episode is trying to depict here. Cuddy is trying to win House over with juvenile power plays and the like and betting on him faltering and admitting his feelings, all while never doing so herself. She wants the outcome of vulnerability without having to actually do it.

House isn’t innocent, though. He’s clearly trying to push Cuddy away with his groping maneuver. It’s crass and it’s juvenile and it’s gross — he knows this, which is exactly why he does it. Whether it be because of Cuddy’s lack of true sincerity and vulnerability — and a lack of movement — or because of his own fear of vulnerability in this moment — I maintain that it’s a mix of both — he still chooses to go down the safest, most self-sabotaging route; as is his mode de vie.

When Cuddy leaves, it is an admission of failure — from both sides; Cuddy has failed in creating the moment, she has — from what she seems to believe — failed to see House for who he really is; she's deluded herself into believing that this could go anywhere, and House himself had failed through his refusal to take the moment seriously. They both fail in never truly allowing themselves vulnerability, but expecting it of the other. They both seem to understand that their feelings for each other flourish when they are vulnerable with each other, but refuse to bare themselves like that if they can help it; all while expecting the other to do it, when it is also against their nature. It’s a battle of who can avoid better.

Cuddy is genuinely hurt by this. She really did expect something to come of the games; she thinks she’s an idiot for being surprised that nothing did. After this, she completely backs off, she cuts herself off from that pursuit; she gives House back his furniture; she gives up.

House says to Taub:

“You gave something away to make a relationship work”

This is basically what I’ve been saying this entire time: For House and Cuddy to work they both have to sacrifice their individual need for control and secrecy, and most importantly their inability to be let themselves be vulnerable. They have to give these things up in order to give this relationship any sort of fighting chance.

This, ultimately, is why their relationship is at a chronic standstill; neither of them are willing to give up their ego, their stubbornness, their stability in an effort to make their relationship work.

As much as their power plays come across as childish; I think this is actually quite mature, in a way. They both understand the ramifications of starting a relationship with one another; the effect it would have on their lives and the lives of those around them. They both have very clearly put a lot of thought into what would happen if they pursued things further. They understand that this would be a huge change in their lives, one that, maybe, their brains aren't as ready for as their hearts are. They definitely aren't handling it as well as they could, but the reasoning is quite sound, in my opinion.

Cuddy says to Wilson:

“House is an unemotional child incapable of intimacy or romance”

Her words declare this; House’s actions say otherwise. The gesture of contacting Cuddy’s mother to get the desk — her desk from med school — out of storage, to have it put in her office, and without even telling Wilson? Now that is a show of affection, that is a show of care, that is the true act of wooing that both the viewers and Cuddy herself have been waiting for. It is such a sweet and thoughtful gesture done without any pretense; this action is the antithesis of the words Cuddy was just using to describe him.

The way that Cuddy knows almost immediately that it was House says a lot to me. The smile that can’t help but creep up her face, the little gesture with her hands on the desk; it’s all very sweet and so very genuine. She’s pleasantly surprised, she’s been proven wrong. This act shows her that she can’t quit on House, because the moments that are vulnerable, that are genuine, are sickeningly so. It proves that these two are not incapable of it, but rather are too hung up on the pretenses and power plays of their relationship to allow vulnerability to happen outside of sparse moments.

There’s much to be said about the importance of action when it comes to romantic feelings (or feelings of love as a whole) in this show, and this episode is no exception. Actions always speak louder than words, than feelings; actions show that you’re willing to put your money where your mouth is; you’re willing to do something about it.

In essence: Love is a doing word.

In the groping scene, House’s action speaks louder than any true feelings do. They both know that their feelings are mutual, they’re both just hesitant to act on them because of a mutual fear of vulnerability. Despite the fact that they both know “this is going somewhere” House makes a point to use his actions to dispel it. All of this confusing whirlwind of feeling between them in the last few episodes was brought to the forefront by an action — the kiss — therefore, what else can prove that it means nothing other than a crass action — the groping —?

The desk, though, is direct opposition to this; the act of not only getting the desk for Cuddy’s office, but the lengths in which House would have had to go for it as well as the history behind it, proves to Cuddy that House’s feelings are genuine. He proves with his actions, rather than with a direct declaration.

The final scene guts me every time. Cuddy looking so happy, smiling to herself as she makes her way to House’s office; perhaps on her way to make her own, verbal, declaration of intent. But she doesn’t get to — she sees House with DeeDee (the prostitute House hired for his prank against Kutner and Taub). Once again, Cuddy is made the fool (in her eyes), once again, she believed the act of getting her desk was a true declaration of attraction, of pursuit. I don’t think she’s wrong in believing that, though. I think what happens in this final scene is the ultimate wrong place, wrong time. Is House about to get frisky with DeeDee? Yeah, that’s what’s intended to come across here — but that doesn’t mean that his pursuit of Cuddy isn’t genuine. Despite his intent, the sight of House getting flirty with another woman psyches her out of pursuing him nonetheless.

At the end of this episode, House has no idea that Cuddy was ever coming to him because of that desk. Perhaps he may think it was in vain; his pursuit rendered meaningless because Cuddy is still icing him out. And Cuddy has great reason to think that the action wasn’t as genuine as she first thought, and thus she begins to avoid him — her feelings for him — once again. That’s the note we leave on at the end of this episode and into the next. It’s quite devastating! We got so close, guys!

#i love this!!#great analysis!#this ending scene kills me too #AND THEN SHE GOT BANGS #i think about that too much #anyway #lisa cuddy #gregory house #huddy #house md

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