seroqueldreamer - Tumblr blog

[seroqueldreamer]

I keep telling myself I can handle dealing with my break up shit. Because all I'd ever learnt from being reliant on others is it comes back to bite you.

And yet I can't handle this on my own but I can't burden others because I have "a lot going on" at any given moment in time.

It's better if I keep it all to myself because at least then the only person I'm hurting is me. I'm so tired of hurting though. But if I let others in, I'll hurt them too.

Lately I'd been thinking about something an ex said. For context they have DID/OSDD. They'd mentioned I seem to fit part of that diagnosis. But I staunchly disagreed. I still do.

Just because I have the emotional stability of a 4 year old eating jello with a fork, doesn't mean I have a super serious disability. My depression and anxiety coupled with my PTSD is already enough.

It still bugs me though. What symptoms did they see? What were they seeking in me? I joke about being autistic a lot, but I'm not. I got ADHD and something else. But I don't want to claim something I may not be. Because what if it harms an already marginalized community? I couldn't forgive or stand myself if I did that.

For a long time my ex's said I was autistic. But under what basis? What criteria? What evidence? Were they trying to seek a commonality in me, seeking something that wasn't there, misidentifying my ADHD? I believed them because I wanted to fit in with them.

But I don't fit the criteria for Autism. And in spite of what the online things I fill out say, it's just... Online. Plus what if I am subconsciously manipulating the results? What if it's just my ADHD? What if it's something that isn't real or happening but something manufactured?

I feel awful for not relying on my friends, but I selfishly want them to stay forever. Because all I have learned is I am a burden to those I love dearly. And I can't stand hurting them.

And I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

[seroqueldreamer]

Congratulations!

You reached the bedrock after u scrolled ur feed so deep.

[seroqueldreamer]

Chapter 14 of A "Truly, You Didn't Think This Through?" Kind of Stupid is live!

Thanks for reading!

[seroqueldreamer]

I downloaded it :3

My favorite mod finally updated for sdv and now my brain is refusing to let me sleep until I download it.

I HAVE WORK TODAY COME ON PLEASE. I CAN DO IT AFTER.

[seroqueldreamer]

My favorite mod finally updated for sdv and now my brain is refusing to let me sleep until I download it.

I HAVE WORK TODAY COME ON PLEASE. I CAN DO IT AFTER.

[seroqueldreamer]

Used to be in love

But now we are just in ships

Barely saying hi.

[seroqueldreamer]

Thank fuck for Zofran. End tweet.

[seroqueldreamer]

below the cut has details <3

thank u for reading :')

[seroqueldreamer]

I hate having strep bc one of my fave stims is singing aND I CAN'T PHYSICALLY DO IT RIGHT NOW

[seroqueldreamer]

Villain Tom is so goddamned handsome.

*distant buzzer* nathalie has a type

[seroqueldreamer]

Bro I bout had a heart attack thinking the green rain was going to kill my farm and I was fully prepared too. Like... "Okay. Guess I restart my farm." $0.50 that people are gonna make angst aus about the moss rain lmao.

[seroqueldreamer]

Change is a terribly unorthodox creature that exists only within the confines of our limitations.

Anything after that? You're kinda just fucked.

[seroqueldreamer]

There is a sanity in being alone.

There is a fear in seeking comfort.

There is a bravery that is oft commended when it is instead an act of cowardice.

There is a type of cowardice that is proclaimed when it is instead the bravest thing a person can do.

The world is full of contradictory things.

But it brings us back to physics.

There will always be an equal but opposite reaction.

There is forever and always a certainty of balance in an unequal world.

A world debridaled of an opportunity that will instead be offered to someone else.

[seroqueldreamer]

You're getting a third installment of how I'm doing post breakup.

It's easier to throw myself into whatever I'm doing so it's one less piece of shit to deal with. I'm hurt and I'm angry about this breakup. They both... Wormed their ways into my heart and let me believe in something good again.

I wasn't shy about making it known to them my trust was severely damaged. That I had trust issues I was working on. And they spit it back in my face.

I want so desperately to be loved, it makes me sick because who could love someone like me? People claim they love those with mental illness until the mental illness starts doing it's job. And then no one wants to stick around. So... Yay. I'm going to enjoy a Popsicle and read smut.

[seroqueldreamer]

It's funny how when things start looking up

Life has a way of knocking you down a peg.

"Neither for me honey nor the honey bee." - Sappho

I think the greatest fucking joke pulled on humanity is the promise of love. Not when it drives you insane.

"to be loved is to be changed." Well fuck you and the horse you rode in on.

To be loved is to be hurt.

To be loved is to be damaged.

To be loved is to be wounded.

And maybe I'm just jaded about my latest breakup, but it hurts still.

I'm just tired.

[seroqueldreamer]

i hope i ruined purple and owls and birds for you two. i hope you two hate it.

[seroqueldreamer]

So my dad and I watched Fried Green Tomatoes tonight with it based off of the novel "Fried Green Tomatoes at the Whistle Stop Cafe" written by Fannie Flagg.

The movie is a love letter to lesbians, femininity, and killing racists. The cinematography was absolutely beautiful. I love how we see Evelyn change and grow and how Ninny guides her through stressful events in her life.

I absolutely adored Ninny's paper garden. It was gorgeous in the movie.

It's on Netflix and highly worth the watch!