seungkwanslowqualityenglish

[seungkwanslowqualityenglish]

i love going through the euijoo tag and finding you ??? posting again????? oh my god how are you, how is it going, im so???????? 😭😭😭😭

- kris bc you know i could never keep a url for long

To be honest, I feel like the Euijoo tag is exactly where I'd be found, like that's the concept of me. I post occasionally, but even after all these years, it is still inconsistently. I'm doing good, how are you?? It feels like it's been forever.

[seungkwanslowqualityenglish]

HIII I REALLY LIKE YOUR YUMA FIC !! I WAS WONDERING IF YOU COULD DO ONE OF K? POSIBLY? THANK YOUUU

Thank you, here you go.

[seungkwanslowqualityenglish]

Siren's Song

✿ Synopsis: The waves were always captivating, alluring, the swells of the white foam bringing people into the water deeper. Yet, sometimes the force of the unsteady seas is not the only danger that lurks about.

✿ Who: Koga Yudai / K (&Team) & Gender Neutral Reader ✿ Word Count: 14,267 Words ✿ Genre: Angst ✿ Warnings: Darker concepts, explicit language, death, drowning, bodily harm, forced kissing, parental death, strangers death, attempted self drowning, forced imprisonment, coercion, abduction, pet names, manipulation ✿ Request: Yes. Thank you for your request. It's not the best, but I hope you enjoy it. ✿ Not proofread.

The sea was a captivating thing. The swells of the white foamy spume slapping against the sides of the ship, was alluring to watch. The large waves would draw anyone in, like a siren luring sailors into the rocky spires to their deaths. The waves had you completely filled with aghast, they were large, shaking the ship all about, causing sea sickness in those who were not accustomed to the ways of the water, to those who had yet to acquire their own sealegs. Yet, the ship, she did her best to stay afloat throughout this torrential storm, the sailors and captain did their best to keep her steady.

The trip was one you had gone on many times before, being the child of the famed ship's captain and first mate, you were accustomed to this voyage. You were practically born on this ship, sailing and making long voyages before you were able to walk. Your parents' livelihood had become your childhood. Spending your days confined on this ship, wishing for the land, for the feeling of grass and dirt under your feet. A normal childhood was all you ever desired, instead you were stuck on this ship, as your parents sailed around, doing whatever it was they did for a price.

They always claimed you would learn to love the freedom, to love the sea, to love the joy that this path would bring. On land jobs would only make you a couple doubloons, but sailing, it was much more profitable. It was hard to undertake a voyage without the proper equipment and sailors, and many would rather pay a hefty sum to get someone else to do all the dirty work for them, rather than put in the effort and do it themselves. That is where your parents would come in, they would take anything anywhere and do anything for the right price.

Despite how general the job description was, they would do really anything. You had seen them being nothing more than self appointed vigilantes hunting down those who attempted to evade the law by going out to sea, oftentimes being paid quite heavily for those captures. They had also been nothing more than common thieves and parading pirates, breaking into the sailing ships of the wealthy and stealing their riches, all for their own cut on the gold and jewels. They had taken on common jobs, simply sailing items from point one to point two, moving things as simple as boxes of cloth to sailing things like boxes of swords. Each and everything had a price, and there was nothing they were not willing to do for a price, even reprehensible things. They had never said it for certain, but you had no doubts that at least one of your parents had probably taken another’s life, after all everything has a price, and that includes human lives.

Despite their joy and love of sailing, of what they did, you never found yourself enjoying it that much. Oftentimes your days were spent desiring the land, desiring to be in one place, desiring to be away from this. Days were spent within the confines of the ship, hiding within one of the cabins to avoid whatever the agenda was for your parents on that day. No longer did you enjoy sailing, and you soon grew to hate the sailing trips.

Your mother was always using the utmost care and caution when steering the ship. Despite how cutthroat and terrifying what they do might be, she would never attempt to sail through a storm, not wanting to possibly hurt you, her only children. Your father was honestly the same, rather would stay docked during the storms, than let things be risked. Despite their suspicious careers, and odd reactions towards certain things, they tried their best to be good parents, even with their wild lives and how they made money, not always being the most legal of things.

The amount of times you were sailing through a storm could be counted on one hand, that number being only twice. Once the storm hit while you were out at sea, unable to return to the shore before it started to rain, but that time it was only rain. The second time, being today, right now actually. The sky was a deep shade of grey, only illuminated by the random flashes of sharp lightening, and growing a deeper and darker shade with each growing second. The thunder was loud, easily overpowering the cries and screams of the children as they hid with the saloon, under the exposed deck.

Today was one of those days that your parents were on a job, transporting a large number of people across the sea, a trip projected to take only thirty days, and here you were already on day twenty-three. Only seven more days until you could be on land, you could escape this ship, you could escape from the close confines of being with your family, the sailors, and these complete strangers. The group of strangers were currently hiding under deck, the twenty people rushed in as the storm started, their children screaming out in terror and fear as the thunder started to crack and lightning started to make itself known across the previously clear sky.

Leaving the saloon, you took refuge on the exposed deck. The rain was a welcome feeling against your skin, it was like it was washing away all the stress and annoyance you felt towards being on this ship once again. Others would have run away, escaping into the warmth and cover of the saloon or cabins, wanting to get away from the rain. However, you just wanted to get away from that safety, desiring the feeling of freedom that temporarily filled your being, as the rain fell down upon your skin, soaking your clothing and you to the bone.

After a few moments, the coolness of the rain and the combined wind finally started to get to you. Walking around the deck, you found yourself seated under the overhang that shielded one of the doors from the onslaught of water, it kept the rain from falling against your skin, as you watched the rolling storm clouds filling the sky. It was only midafternoon, four in the afternoon at the latest, but the dark cover of the sky would easily have you believing it was at least nine at night during this late summer day. Storms like this were rare during the sweltering and overheated days of the summer, it was too the point of the summer that the storms were no longer forming, but you knew it would only be a matter of time until the cold waves took over, hitting the warm air and sparking massive storms. This seemed to be one of those days.

The massive storm swirled overheard, the deep dark grey turning to almost black. The visibility was so low, you were barely able to see a ship’s length out into the dark murky water. Oddly, your mother had even stopped forcing the ship to go forward, you could only assume that the lights from the sparse flashes of lightning were not bright enough to help her steer the ship with any certainty.

The white spume covered waves were now a shade of dark grey, the water no longer the clear reflective liquid it was only minutes ago. The storm was taking over, taking everything from the area, plunging everyone and everything in its path into darkness.

Oddly, the darkness was comforting. No longer were you hearing the loud cries of the children, the constant complaints of the men with a little bit too much money, and no longer experiencing something like clockwork. Shifting, you found yourself laying down the bench, the cold harsh wood was oddly comforting as the rain softly fell down onto your skin in light raindrops. Despite being splayed lightly by the raindrops as they fell askew instead of straight down, it was nice, it was a change from the doldrum day you usually experienced.

The storm was somehow even more captivating while at sea, as they were on land. The rolling clouds continued, painting the sky various shades of grey, what little bright blue sky that remained was soon covered with the overcast sky. The lightning seemed louder while at sea, almost like being in an echo chamber, but it oddly was not terrifying.

The scene was serene, oddly serene, almost to the point of being uncomfortably serene. Something was wrong, but at this point, you could not care what it was, who it was, or anything, just enjoying the storm, the sounds, and the change from the usual. The rain was a welcome change, maybe not to your parents or the guest, but to you it was. A change from the normal, a deviation that you loved, since you hated the basic everyday rhythm that encompassed everything around you.

As the rain soaked through your clothing, you felt the white muslin fabric sticking to your skin, reminding you that what you were wearing was not the best for being out in this horrid rainstorm. Yet, despite that, you found yourself unable to move. The rain pattering down with a steady beat, almost as though it was a musical instrument. The pitters and patters of it hitting the water all around the boat was soothing, it was not long before it was starting to lull you into slumber. The darkness surrounding you made your brain think it was already night, and the calm falls of the rain soon had you asleep on the bench where you laid.

You were unsure of how long you were asleep for. It may have been minutes or it may have been hours, or possibly even longer. Yet, upon waking up, you were welcomed with the sight of a completely black sky, it was even darker than it had been prior. You were left to assume that night had fallen during your slumber. Sitting up, the sound of rain continued, time may have changed, but the current weather condition had not.

Standing, you found yourself enjoying the fall on the raindrops upon your skin, it running down your face without a care, leaving your clothing rain stained, and your hair waterlogged. It was a comfortable feeling, the rain washing away all the stress and sleep remaining in your being. Looking around, you oddly saw others out on the deck, the sailors would usually be up in the wheelhouse or in their cabins sleeping at this time of night, but instead here they stood, aligning the banister of the deck. Their eyes were fixated forward, staring into the darkness. Vacant, unmoving, and unchanging. Just staring ahead with all their focus. They did not even move or sense your presence around them, just continuing to stare.

Venturing into their line of sight, they started just through you, almost as though you were not there. For a moment, you were in a state of turmoil, had you passed during that nap, were you now a ghost set to haunt the place you died for the rest of eternity. Seeing how none of them acknowledged you, that was the first thought on your mind. It was not until one of the sailors pushed you aside, moving to stand in front of you, getting so close to the bannister, they were in danger of falling, that you finally realized you were in fact alive.

It was an odd scene, the sailors pressed up against the bannister without a care in the world, staring out into the sea, the vacant and empty sea mirror the empty and vacant stares on their faces. Stepping back, you called out to a few of the sailors, calling their names, calling their ranks on the ship, and even calling them the nicknames they call one another. Not a single sailor moved, none spared a single look back at you, instead just continuing to stare without a care in the world.

The scene left an odd feeling in your stomach, it flooded into your brain, just nothing but red flags. It is repeated in your mind, this is not normal, this is not okay, this is not what usually happens. Usually you were all for things not being how they always are, but on this occasion, it was terrifying. The sailors knew not to be so close to the banisters. The sailors knew the risk that being too close brought. The sailors knew if they fell, it was certain death. Watching as they clamored for spots closer and closer to the edge, you knew it was only a matter of time.

One moment they were nine beings being illuminated by the dull lantern light that hung from the water free overhang on the wheelhouse. In the blink of an eye, there were only eight. The sailor made no noise as he fell, the only sound coming from the harsh sound of his body hitting the water, and the large clanks as his body hit the side of the ship on the way down. A scream slipped past your lips, hearing each and every noise over the rain, almost as though it was amplified.

Not a single sailor spared a glance at their fallen comrade. Not a single sailor spared a glance at you as you screamed. Their eyes wasted not a second staring on, just continuing to stare, like nothing existed except for the area in front of them that they were staring at.

Stepping back, you found yourself clutching to anything, for something, to help you stand up. The ship was never this rough, never this harsh on the waves, and it was not the storm that was making this ride so unbelievably horrible. Unable to believe what you just saw. A sailor fell overboard. No, a sailor was pushed overboard. But they did not scream, they did not cry, the sailors that pushed them overboard had no reaction, no screams for help, no cries of apologies, they did not even realize they had pushed one of their own off the ship in their desire to get closer to the banister.

Staring at the wooden floor planks, you tried to catch your breath, unable to understand what was going on, what they were doing, and why they were doing it. During your attempt to calm down a noise distracted you. It was a large sound of something hitting wood, followed by a splash. Looking up you saw only seven. Another sailor was overboard, but this time you were unable to scream, you were unable to cry, you were unable to beg and plead with the other sailors to get away from the edge. You were left unable to do anything more than watch, and as you stared at them, seven became six, it was only then that you broke your reverie.

Finally fighting to get to your feet, you found your way to the wheelhouse door, wrenching it open, you were met with an unlikely sight. Rather than your mother or father standing at the wheelhouse, they were pressed up against the windows, paying no mind to you in any way. Their eyes staring out into the way that they sailors were, captivated by something, unable to resist whatever it was. “MOM! DAD!” You called out in confusion, they however paid you no mind, nothing would distract them from whatever was out there.

Fighting through the door, unable to close it as the ship rolled from one side to another, you made your way to them, clinging to things on the walls, things that were unable to move with the roaring storm. Shaking them, they said nothing, instead just pressing their faces closer into the windows. As you looked out, trying to see what it was they were looking at, the sight shocked you.

The six sailors had become five in the time you were entering the wheelhouse. Yet those five had changed to twenty. At some point the fifteen adults accompanying you on this voyage had found their way up from the saloon, pressing themselves against the banister with the sailors. It was only then that you saw it, the lightning hit one after another, illuminating the sky brightly, showcasing nothing more than the rocky spires that your ship was headed towards. The storm was sending you right into death's arms. The spires were the kind you had heard about often, how sailors would lose it all by getting too close to them, how it would destroy your ship with ease, and destroy your life with ease.

A scream fell from your lips, grasping the wall, you attempted to get to the wheel, desiring to steer yourself away from this certain doom. You were unsure why everyone else seemed so captivated, so destined to let it end this way, to just go into the rocky spikes willingly. As you attempted to walk, you found yourself on the floor, crawling towards the helm. Finally clutching it with your hands, you pulled yourself up, barely able to stand as the ship rolled from side to side, the waves becoming more and more treacherous with each passing moment.

With the wheel within your hands, you attempted to steer the ship away from your certain rocky doom, turning it as far as it would go to the right, trying to divert the direction of the ship. This action however was not welcome. It was only at that moment that you noticed your parents had moved from by the window, and were standing right next to you.

In that moment, the wheel was ripped from your hands, your father’s arms wrapping around you as he picked you up with ease. You were moved away from the wheel, and your mother easily took the wheel undoing what you had done. Setting the boat back onto the rocks path.

After that, you were no longer kept in the wheelhouse. Your father picking you up and carrying you out of the wheelhouse, as your mother followed behind. Thrashing in his grasp, you tried to escape his grip, wanting freedom. The freedom to save this ship, to save yourself from whatever was going on, save yourself from whatever they were doing.

Your fighting was not welcome, your mother easily grabbing a rope as one of the four remaining sailors grabbed your feet, helping your father. Soon it was no longer just the sailors helping, the other voyagers joined in. The fifteen of them easily took over what the sailors were doing, the last thing you saw before turning around and held down to the bowsprit was the sailors opening the sails, letting the wind carrying the ship faster towards the rocks. The guest easily held you down, allowing your parents to tie you tightly against the bowsprit.

You were tied onto the spar above the figurehead, leaving you with only two places to look, down at the rippling water below, or at the rocky death that awaits you. Neither of which were desirable.

Screams continued to fall from your lips, until you were unable to scream any longer, voice so hoarse, no yells could slip past your rain soaked lips. At that point, all that could be heard was the falling of the rain, and soon the soft humming of the others surrounding you.

The first voice you heard was your mothers. “Don’t you hear it? The beautiful music.”

“Oh the beautiful music.” A guest, whose name you never learned, said immediately after.

Soon the air was filled with hums of approval, hums of joy, and hums of happiness. The music, all about the music, they kept saying. They must find the music. They will find the music. They will go to the music. They need the music. The music.

However, you heard nothing, no music, no noise other than the splattering of the rain upon the water. The sounds of the ship as it pushes through the rough waves. Tears started to fall from your lips as you neared the rocks, knowing it was over, it was all done, you were unable to save anyone, to save yourself most of all. The tears easily mixed with the rain, falling down your cheeks in fat drops, hitting the ocean water with no noise, just as your sobs were easily drowned out by the roaring thunder and cries about the music from the others.

Unbeknownst to you, there sat an individual out there, watching all this chaos from a distance. The chaos was not enough for them, but it would suffice. They preferred more drama and more screams and cries, but this would be good enough for now. It had been so long since a ship ventured into his territory, until he had this joy, until he had felt his heart fill with happiness like this. He enjoyed this a little too much, despite the fact it was not as theatrical as he usually liked it to be. Listening to the falling rain upon the roaring waves and the harsh rocks, he smiled, knowing it was only a matter of time before his dream would come true, before your ship would be too close to evade the rocks, before it would all be nothing more than destroyed planks of wood floating in the water, and blood that would lure in sharks to feast on what remained of those from your ship.

As the rocks got closer and closer, the thought of what you could have done to save yourself filled your mind. The obvious answer was to not go with your parents all those days ago. Had you never ventured onto this ship, you would not be tied to the bowsprit and hurtling towards your death. Had you not accompanied them on this voyage all those days ago, you would have not been about to die, along with all the others upon the boat.

Within a mere time of three hours, the usually steady and certain ship had turned to certain chaos. Sailors had jumped over the banister to their deaths, desiring to get closer and closer to some unknown thing. Your own mother had abandoned her moral code, steering the ship right into a patch of rocks. Your father had abandoned his own morality, opening the sails to full, allowing the wind to carry the ship into the rocks at an even faster rate. Your own parents had abandoned their love for you, tying you to the bowsprit with the assistance of the guest. The guest had even gone crazy, clamoring over each other, once again, wanting some unknown thing, like the sailors.

The frenzy the ship was in was something you had never seen. It was not just a thunderstorm that caused his chaos. It was not something as simple as a little storm, to have thrown so many people off their usual mental paths, into whatever chaos this was.

As the ship continued on, the cold salt water soaked your face, as the bow hit each and every wave. As you always thought, the sea was a captivating thing. The swells of the white foamy spume slapping against the sides of the ship, were alluring to watch. The large waves would draw anyone in, like a siren luring sailors into the rocky spires to their deaths. The waves had you completely filled with aghast, they were large, shaking the ship all about. The sea was captivating, however it was terrifying when seeing it this close. No longer were you observing from your usual spot on the deck, but instead being forced to stare at the white swells on facedown. The lightning from the storm illuminates the waves, allowing you to see as you get closer and closer to the rocky spires, as you get closer and closer to your doom. The waves were no longer comforting, no longer did they bring joy, instead you felt your being filled with fear, with terror, of what was to come.

Had you the ability to, you would have been screaming. Begging for someone to hear you. Pleading for someone to hear your cries of pain. Praying for someone to save you. However, your ability to scream faded a while ago, the adrenaline that filled your body in that moment leaving. Weak, you were only able to do your best to keep your face turned, trying to keep the salty sea water from entering your mouth. Yet, death by drowning might be more appealing and painless than whatever fate awaits you near the rocky shores.

Your consciousness was barely stable, eyes rolling back, trying to shut, wanting nothing more than to fall asleep as your brain beckoned you to allow it to take over. However, you fought it, trying your best to stay awake. Trying to keep yourself from falling under, to letting the deterioration of your current state take over.

However, fighting was worthless. The adrenaline leaving your system did nothing but make you fall from the energy high you were previously on. Your eyes were closing on their own accord, and you had no energy to fight them doing so.

Darkness was all you saw, it completely taking over, until all your figure was doing was shallowly breathing, just enough to keep you alive.

As you faded, the rocks were quickly approaching. The ship had been sailing towards these rocks for who knows how many minutes, and was even less from hitting it. This was supposed to be a normal voyage. Your parents would take the guest where they wanted to go, the guest would pay your parents, and then you would get to enjoy a week or so on the land, before the cycle would repeat again. But instead, you were here, extremely off course, hurtling towards your death. That certain doom is getting closer and closer.

Guests were jumping off the ship at that point, what was once thirty or so people on the ship had been reduced to only half of that. Sailors and guests alike were hitting the water with life taking force. Those remaining on the ship continued repeating what you had last heard them say, the music, the voices, the beautiful sounds, none of it made sense. What started out as a normal day during a normal voyage had descended into chaos and terror so quickly. It was terrifying, how things went from being so usual, to abnormal in the span of minutes.

What was abnormal to you, was completely fine and normal to him, however. He was accustomed to this. Ships would easily veer off their course for him. Ships would easily steer towards their own demise for him. Passengers on these ships would throw themselves off of all levels of these ships for him. Passengers would do extreme and crazy actions just for the possibility of hearing the melodic singing up close. People would dive from ships, falling to their deaths in the water below, just for the possible chance of getting a little bit closer to those melodic voices.

His amusement was interrupted however, the giggles from the nearby females bothering him to his core. They giggled and sung praises of him, compliments he did not need, nor did he want them, from them especially. These words however fell on deaf ears, he was too preoccupied with what was going on to pay attention to the wanton girls who were practically begging for his attention.

Usually ignoring the girls was fine, they would leave him alone, but these girls were determined to get him to pay attention to them. It was only moments later that he felt the first hand on his body, ignoring it thinking he was just imagining it, as it was joined by another and another, he knew he was not imagining it, despite how badly he wished he was. Standing with a sudden moment, the girls around him, who were attempting to cling onto him, fell to the ground. They were talking before he stood, their conversation coming to a stop as they fell. Soon, all he heard was their whining. The high pitched voices shrieking and calling him mean, they not losing their attempts at sounding cute and juvenile, as they whined. This did nothing but bother him more, unable to even enjoy the scene any longer, he was quick to start to walk away, leaving the whining girls to change back into their original voices, commenting on how much of an asshole he was.

Their words did not bother him, he was an asshole to them, and he knew it. The girls would follow him around, akin to fangirls, and would not respect his clearly set boundaries, so he had no sympathy for them. They had ruined so many things for him, sunbathing, swimming in general, and now had even ruined his favorite thing, watching as his siren song sent sailors to their demise.

Moving from the previous spot, sitting lowly on the rocks, allowing himself a better view of the pathetic humans as they fell from the boat, he easily climbed up the rock. Going up the rocks meant the vapid girls would not follow him, he had heard them complaining more than once about not wanting to break their nails, when he would do this before to escape them. Finally sitting upon the top of the rocks, he had an even better view. The ship was nearing rocky spires so many of them called home, yet, he knew it would never hit their rocks, the whirlpool situated right before the rocks would destroy the ship before it even had the chance to hit a single rock. This was his favorite spot for unleashing his siren song, the whirlpool was massive, but apparently unable to be seen from the boats. Watching the boat near the spot, he thought to himself that the stupid humans probably thought it was just a large wave, rather than being anything more than that. He loved how easily they would shift their paths, steering directly into his way, he had to do nothing more than sing a few lines, and they would all be under his spell; unable to stop themselves from doing anything and everything it takes to come to him.

The view allowed him to laugh, watching how the stupid passengers and sailors fought over getting closer and closer to the railing on the boat. It was amusing watching as a very extravagantly dressed man fell overboard, he was wearing a coat, that made him think to himself he needed to find it on the seafloor later, to take it for his own. Despite how amusing the scene at the railing was, he allowed his eyes to wander the ship, taking in the splendor and craftsmanship of the boat that was about to be destroyed into millions of tiny pieces. It was not often that he sees a ship of this caliber, whoever the poor owners of this ship must be, must have been professional sailors, otherwise they would have had decked out their ship to the extremes, building and designing such a massive feat.

A tinge of sadness fills his heart, the work and pain that had been put into this ship is going to waste, since it will never be seen again. But that sadness disappears just as quickly as it appears, as he sees the railing on the ship break, sending three people plummeting into the water.

It was all hilarious to him, how these people clamored and fought to get closer and closer, unknown to them, it was to their deaths, not the voice behind the voice they loved so dearly. Watching as the number of people on the ship decreased, he felt joy, it growing as the tip of the boat finally hit his dear whirlpool. That joy however was short lived, as he saw something shocking, something that left him confused.

Standing, he took a step forward, getting closer to the edge of the rocky platform where he previously sat. Something had caught his eye, better yet, someone. It was odd, there was a figure tied to the wooden pillar at the front of the ship. It took him a few moments to realize that it was not something, it was someone. As he gazed on, watching the ship starting to get sucked into the whirlpool, he finally fully saw who it was.

Without another thought, he found himself jumping off the rocky platform, landing in the water, swimming as quickly as he could towards the whirlpool. During this time his thoughts were filled with one thing and one thing only, save the life of the most beautiful person he had ever seen. He had never swam as fast as he was, looking around, seeing the other passengers and villager’s bodies floating through the water, he only had eyes for one person, the person wearing nothing but white muslin fabric. The angel like being that he saw savagely tied to the bowsprit, the first ever person he saw that took his breath away, the first ever person he felt the undeniable urge to save, the first ever person he felt the undeniable urge to covet, you.

Luckily for yourself, you were still unconscious as the boat hit a whirlpool, something that none of you could have seen coming. Your brain shutting down in those moments before impact was helpful, allowing you to keep from seeing the sheer terror around you, allowing you a peaceful and painless death. Unknown to you, that death would never come.

He swam through the swirling waters like they were nothing. Only one thing was on his mind, and kept him going through the blur of bodies and shards of wood. Dodging the fast moving broken wooden planks, his eyes finally caught sight of it. The large wooden pole, the one that you had been tied to only moments ago. Grasping at the wood, he swam towards the other end of the pole, luckily it had fallen off the ship, yet to get caught into the whirlpool, but he knew his time was limited. Humans could not survive underwater for very long, he may know little of the species, but that was one thing he was certain of.

The light white fabric caught his attention first, it billowed out from between where the rope was tied around your figure. If he thought you were angelic while above water, the flowing white fabric from the water made you look even more so. He quickly started to work at the knots, doing his best to untie you, wanting to get you above water before it was too late, before he was too late to save you.

He was rushing, but the ropes would not give up. The knots were tied entirely too tight for him to easily undo them. The wooden pillar you were tied onto was entirely too heavy for him to lift above water on his own. Looking around he was trying to hurry, the blue shade which was taking over your lips let him know he was running out of time. Eyes shifting around, staring at the wreckage floating around, he was unsure of what to do. Knowing he did not have much time left, he found himself pressing his lips against your own, breathing oxygen into your mouth, hoping that he would buy himself some time, some time to find an answer.

As he stared around something shimmering in the distance caught his attention, knowing that he only had moments to spare, he parted from your form, before immediately starting off in that direction. Obtaining the shiny metallic object, he was happy to see it was a knife, knowing that was just what he needed. Returning to where you were stuck, he swimmed with a speed unmatched by any others. He quickly made use of the knife once he was within reach of you, quickly making waste of the rope that bound you, wrapping his arms around your unmoving form, stabbing the knife into the wooden pillar, just as it started to be sucked into the whirlpool.

His lips found their way to yours once more, the coldness of your frame terrified him, it was too late, he must have been too late, however he would not give up. He moved as quickly as he could, holding your body close to his own, as he swam through the water, seeking the cave where he usually would seek refuge. As he found himself swimming up into the cave, it was isolated, as usual. Everyone knew it was his special spot, therefore they all knew better than to be in his cave.

Breaking the water, he separated his lips from yours, hoping that your head was now above the water, you would start to breathe. However, as he swam to the shore, he was quick to realize, you were still in a state of non breathing. Lips were turning a darker shade of blue, skin growing colder and colder. Attaching his lips to yours once more, he tried to breathe more air into your lungs, just to realize quickly that the idea of doing that was providing him with no results.

Trying again and again, he would not give up, he could not give up. He had never seen anyone he wanted so badly, and he would be damned if he was to lose you.

His hands were fast to be placed upon your chest, starting to do compressions, hoping maybe that he would be able to expel the water from your lungs quicker, get you breathing once more. As he was starting to give up hope, thinking he was too late, that he had ruined his chance, something stopped him. Pushing down on your chest, he watched as your mouth fell open, saltwater starting to fall from your parted lips. This caused him to do this action again and again, water slipping past your lips, falling onto the darked rock flooring of the cave.

His actions were helping it seemed, since before long, he started to hear strangling noises. You were trying to cough, he watched as a moment of consciousness hit you. You were quick to roll over from the constant hits on your chest, coughing up water, before launching into a coughing fit, unbeknownst to you of where you were.

His hand found itself laying on your back, almost like it was giving you some sort of support or help, he gently tapped your back, trying to replicate things he had seen humans do to others. As the water was finally gone from your lungs, you took a deep breath, much to his like. He was not too late, you were breathing, you were going to be fine, you were going to be his he was sure of it. However, things sometimes are not as simple as one might think. With a short cough, your frame slumped over, falling to the cave floor.

Watching as you fell over, face hitting the cold stone floor of the cave, he was quick to grab you, moving you over towards the inner part of the cave. His fears were returning, but as he watched the gentle rise and fall of your chest, he felt better, you were breathing, you were not dead, he had done it.

His back hit the harsh cold rocks on the cave floor, his breathing strained, his chest tightened. He had expended all his energy making sure that you were safe, that you were okay, that he saved the only thing he ever saw that he truly desired. As his eyes closed, he found himself drifting out of consciousness just as you had moments prior, finding himself in the same state in only minutes.

He was unsure how long he was out, however he was happily awoken to the sight of you still slumbering away. Your chest slight rise and fall enthralled him, he felt captivated, moving over towards your sleeping frame without much thought. His fingers found their way to your cold pale face, brushing the hair from your face, his fingertips grazing your cheek. The warmth of his hands contrasted with the frozen air around you, the coldness of your skin. His hand rested on your cheek, warming the skin up nicely.

He found his eyes gazing upon your body, the white muslin fabric sticking to your skin, it had for the most part dried by now. He could see the slight shivers coming from your cold frame, knowing that while the crisp weather does not affect him, it must be affecting you. Seeing how you start to shiver more and more, he looks around, there is nothing much in the cave other than a few clothing items he had brought to shore before. Standing, he found himself pulling on a pair of pants, before he started to grab these items. Laying them on top of your figure, hoping that they might provide some warmth for you. While he could leave to go find some items from the wreckage for you, at this moment, he decides it is best to stay with you until you wake, after all he fears what you might do if you woke up alone.

Leaning back against the wall of the cave, the unknown male stares at you, his eyes never leaving you as you sleep under his watchful eye. He is unsure how long you slept, the cave has very little natural light, and it quickly fades. Standing, the small amount of sunlight still remaining in the cave was quickly replaced by the dazzling moon. Walking back over towards you, the moonlight illuminated your beauty even more than the sunlight did, leaving him in awe of the angel like being in front of him. He had been captivated by your beauty as you laid tied against the bowsprit of the ship, but seeing you under the moonlight gave him a new sort of appreciation, a realization that he was absolutely correct in his desire to covet you.

Finding himself sitting back down beside you, his fingers brushing down the hair covering your face once more, he made the decision that if he was to keep you, he needed to provide you with a better cave. Looking around as he started to clutch your cold hand, he knew the cave was empty, and completely unequipped to keep him satisfied, let alone you. He was unsure what all the worldly needs of a human would be, however he felt that they could not be that bad. You would need some sort of light, the moonlight did not provide enough for you to be able to see in the small cave. You would possibly need some of the items littering the ocean floor from all the ships that have sunk. He was unsure what many of these items were, but he felt you would probably need some, yet, he would have to wait until you awoke to ask you what you needed exactly. He however, did not wait long.

Sitting up with a jerk, you screamed out, your lungs no longer begging for you to stop, no longer begging for the salty water to stop invading them, no longer constricted by the rope to the wooden pillar. Looking around in confusion you no longer felt as though you were standing on the ship. You were no longer bound to the ship. Suddenly the feeling started to come back to your limbs, that was when you felt it, his hand, grasping yours.

Jerking away, another scream left your lips as you finally noticed him, the man sitting next to you. The stranger sitting right next to you was wearing nothing but a pair of pants, sitting next to you trying to hold your hand. Yanking your hand from his, you stood, screaming. The shock of the situation made you scramble back, looking for a way out. In this rush, you fell to the cave floor, but still managed to scramble away, right into the water.

Water entered your mouth once more, the salty water infiltrating your lungs, pulling you under once again. This was it, you may have not died previously, but this was it, the end of you. At least, that was what you thought at that moment. Soon hands were wrapped around you, pulling you above water once more.

Feeling your body reach the cave ground again, you coughed, expelling all the salt water with ease this time. Body laying against the cave floor, chest rising and falling as you glance at the man next to you once more. Only this time you jerk back with a shocked gasp, where there was once a shirtless man wearing nothing but pants, there sat a shirtless man with a tail, a fishlike tail.

The shock froze you for a moment, thinking you must be dreaming or seeing things, you blinked your eyes rapidly, but no, he was still there. Sitting up immediately, the head rush started to make your head ache, but you paid that pain no mind. Scrambling away as quickly as you could, feet hitting the rocky ground, back scraping against the rocks as you scampered away to the wall of the cave. “Get away! Stay away!” You screamed, like you were in the process of being attacked, which in your mind you might as well have been. Here you were, alone in a cave with this strange man, no you were with this strange creature. His attempts to get near you, caused you to scamper back once more, wanting to stay as far away from him as you could. “Back!” You cried out. Clutching at the ground, all your hands found was an abandoned thin tree branch, grasping it you swung it with all your might, trying to keep whoever it was away. “Back! Stay away! Leave me alone!”

He quickly backed away, seeing how you were completely freaking out and panicking, acting crazed, like some sort of feral or rabid person or animal. “Hey, hey, hey.” He started, holding his hands out, trying to keep the stick from coming too close to his body. “Hey, calm down, I’m not going to hurt you.” He said, like he thought that the statement was helping.

Swinging the branch, you were lucky that the man did not try to breach your temporary shield, since he could have easily broken the branch with little effort. “Stay away from me!” Was cried out, each and every one of his words were ignored, your eyes instead shifting around the cave, looking for a way out, a way to escape, anyway to get away from him.

Yet, there were no escape routes, no gaps in the cave wall, no way out of the cave except for the watery entrance or the exposed skylight that was far too high to climb to. He had trapped you in this watery grave with him.

The branch was slowly falling from the high position in which you held it, your swinging becoming slower and slower. Fatigue started to set in, for the third time in a short span of time, the adrenaline was draining from your body. Fighting the signals from your brain to calm down, to lay down, you attempted to ignore it, trying to fight on. But that fight was dwindling quickly, allowing the man to easily gain access to you.

You were unable to stop him, the man easily grabbing the branch from your hand. Frozen in place, body starting to quiver, his hands were quickly on your frame. He kept you from fainting, as your body finally gave out, his strong arms lowering you to the ground, laying you down gently. Once you were on the floor, his voice met unhearing ears. “Rest my baby, rest.”

Again, you were unsure of how long you were out, how long it had been sense you were taken from the sinking ship. This time, you opened your eyes to see not only the man, but an assortment of items around you. Random clothing items that the people had brought onto the ship, the chest that once held these items, even a singular chair and soaking wet mattress had been brought up from the sea floor. Eyes casting around the previous vacant space, you saw familiar sealed boxes, knowing they held the fruit and vegetables that had been purchased before starting on this voyage. Clothing items were strewn about, hung on makeshift drying lines, there were even blankets you recognized from the ship.

The amount of time passed out must have been quite long, especially given that whoever this stranger was, had managed to have enough time to compile all these items. Dragging them through the ocean waters and up to this cave’s floor is no easy feat, and these items once belonged upon the once glorious ship your parents captained.

Staring at the items it finally hit you, your parents, they were on that ship, they had gone down with the ship. The material goods around you were nothing compared to that of your parents' lives, these items had been saved from their watery graves, while your parents were probably cast aside to their graves with no remorse, no second thoughts. Whoever this mysterious man, creature, whatever he was, is, had saved you, but left your parents to drown. He had left all the others upon the ship to drown, only saving you, no he had abducted you, taking you away from where you should have laid alongside your parents, and bringing you here, to this forsaken place.

Slowly standing, your feet felt odd upon the solid ground, but your stomach still felt the waves that you would once feel upon the ship. Moving from the middle of the cave, you found yourself rushing to stand against the side, in the dark, a spot not being illuminated by the sun overhead. It was moonlight hours ago when you had passed out, allowing you to know that it had been at least a large number of hours since you were last awake.

Breath was stilled as a noise was heard, a heaving noise broke your ear drums much to your displeasure. Staying hidden, it was a sight, watching this strange creature, as he hauled items from the water. It was a table, being placed on the top, the four legs hanging up in the air, before the thing disappeared underwater once more.

He was dragging things up here, things that you once used on the ship. Looking around, the fear started to set in. It looked like he was trying to form somewhat of a living situation, trying to turn this cave into a home to keep you in.

Once you were sure he was gone, you started to look for a way out. Swimming was out of the question, since you had no idea how long it would take to exit this forsaken underground cave. Climbing up to one of the holes overhead was the only option, but even that did not seem like a good idea, they were so high, and were going to be hard to reach.

These thoughts did not have long to stew however, as the sound of the water being broken once more met your ears. He was pulling another chest above the surface, it was filled with who knows what, making a loud sound as it met the cave floor. It was only them that you saw the being starting to look around, obviously looking for something specific, looking for you.

You could tell he was not happy upon realizing you were no longer in the spot sleeping, where he had left you all those hours again. Cowering as he exited the water, you just wanted to hide even more, wanting the wall to open up and envelope you, yet it did no such thing.

“I’m not going to hurt you.” His voice called out.

While that would usually be reassuring to others, it was not to you. You did not want to be here, you did not want to be near him, you did not trust him either. His false claims of not injuring you went in one ear and out the other, ignored just as easily as you would ignore the talkings of those that once occupied the ship. Had he really meant no harm, he would leave you alone, he would have left you to die alongside your parents, not dragged you into this unknown place with the desire to keep you here permanently as some sort of personal pet.

You were in shock, holding your hand over your trying your best to not make a single noise. Eyes were forcefully being held shut, trying your best to not see or alert the man of your location. Had you been watching however, you would have seen him rising from the water, tail turning into legs, he becoming the man wearing nothing more than a pair of pants you had seen hours ago. Yet, you did not want to see this, you did not want to see him in any capacity.

“Hey, I’m not going to hurt you.” He attempted again, starting to move around the cave. “I just want to help you. Please, don’t hide from me.”

His footsteps set you on edge as he walked around the cave. The items he had brought up from the ocean floor were arranged in a way that they provided no obstacles for his running. As he neared you, that part of your brain that controlled fight or flight kicked in, causing you to drop your hand, open your eyes, and start to run.

This cave was a confined space, not providing much room to move, so when unable to run from him, your brain made the decision to attempt to climb the wall. Trying to scale the rock wall, you only made it about two feet off the ground when his hands found you, pulling you against his chest.

“Stop that.” He was quick to say, holding your frame tightly against his chest. Pulling you from the wall, he attempted to still your movements, keep you from moving anymore. However, his attempts were for naught, as you kicked his leg at just the right angle, causing him to fall to the ground, dropping you along the way.

Once free from his grasp, you were quick to stand, your brain telling you to take the only other way out, the water. Running from his grasping hands, you found yourself in the water once more. Starting to swim, you were not even underwater for a minute, before hands were around you once more, pulling you back towards the surface of the cave.

As the man caught you, the adrenaline that was fueling your body gave out once again, this time causing you to crash worse than all the times before. Your body was getting to its physical limit, what you had been going through taking it out a little more each time. This time, you were not so quick to awake, your body losing consciousness just as you hit the fresh air, leaving you limp in his grasp.

Waking once more, you were unhappily met to the sight of the creature in front of you, sitting there with legs this time, seated in a chair across from you. Wanting to stand, you tried to jerk up, only to realize you were seated in a chair as well. Yet, you were not just seated, you were instead tied to the chair. Rope was holding your legs to the chair legs, it was also binding your arms to the chair arms, and your torso to the back of the chair. Despite the physical limitations, you attempted to tug yourself out of your binds, trying to fight against the ropes, to no avail.

The man offered no words or actions, he instead of staring, just watching. You knew within your heart he was enjoying this scene, enjoying watching you struggle against these binds, enjoying the fact that you were unable to escape, unable to gain freedom, unable to leave. This however did not stop you, tugging at your legs, your wrist, even trying to move your torso forward, you tried to find a way out, a place where you could gain your freedom. But in this moment you were weak, your previously failed escape attempts had left your body energy deprived, unable to provide you with the amount of strength you need.

The small amount of energy you had was easily consumed, leading to you finding yourself nodding off once more.

This time the dazzling moonlight awakened you. The man was still seated across from you, looking like he had not moved. This time you did not bother trying to fight against the ropes, knowing it was a losing battle, you would not gain freedom from these binds anytime soon.

A tisk was heard resounding through the silent cave, the man tilting his head to the side with interest. “Have we finally given up, my baby.”

The pet names slipped from his mouth with ease, filling your stomach with a new level of disgust. Gently tugging at the binds once more, you easily gave up, knowing you were not getting free now. Honestly, you were hoping that he would fall for the bait, seeing you unwilling to fight any longer and instead just free you. He didn’t.

“Don’t talk to me like that!” You were quick to snap back, starting to tug at your binds again, wanting freedom now. “Let me go!” tugging at the rope, you just wanted free, yet the way this man looked upon you, filled your heart with disgust, your mind with terror, and your veins with ice. His gaze held no warmth, even as his words tried to portray that. His actions, his behavior, even just his existence in this moment filled you with disdain and hatred.

Tugging against the binds, you were unable to break the rope. You were foolish for thinking you could, but wanting to gain your freedom overwhelmed those thoughts.

Looking up, the man was gone, but you knew he could not have gone far. Looking around, eyes ablaze as you glanced from corner to corner, everywhere your limited vision would allow. He was nowhere to be seen for you. However, he could not have gone far. The question of where he was was fresh on your mind, when you felt it, his hand around your throat. He tilted your head up, so you were staring at him.

“Calm down,” The man said, almost in the way one would say a command, demanding someone to stop doing something. “Once you calm down, we can see whether you deserve to be untied.” He said, this time his lips brushing against the outer part of your ear, letting you know that he was much closer to you than you would like him to be.

Jerking your head around, you attempted to free yourself from his grasp, but that only made him hold onto you tighter. His nails were digging into your throat, into the skin, soon it would have been tight enough to draw blood. Maybe you were hoping that he would end this all for you right then and there, take you out of your misery, out of the pain that he had brought into your life. But, that would be too benevolent of him, an act of kindness that he would not do to you or for you in any lifetime. You were his, and he made sure that no one ever hurt what was his, even himself.

His hand left your neck as quickly as it had been placed onto it, leaving nothing more than crescent shaped marks on the flesh of your neck. The desire for this nightmare to be over was overwhelming, but he did nothing to help save you from his terror. Instead, he was prolonging it for you, if anything.

However, in his mind you should be thankful. You should be thankful that the siren prince found you precious enough to save. You should be thankful that he got to you before you had drowned in the salty sea water of the ocean. You should be thankful that he pulled you away from the instant death of that whirlpool. You should be thankful to him. You were in his debt. He saved you from a cruel death. He saved you from those who did not truly care for you. He saved you from those who did not truly love you. In his mind, he was the one that truly cared for you, he truly loved you. You were his, and he would make sure no one, not even yourself, took you away from him.

As he walked away, you got a glimpse of the man, he wore a pair of plain black pants and a loose fitting grey shirt. Had you been meeting him in any other condition, you would have conceded that he was in fact rather attractive. His dark eyes caught yours, as you watched him walk away, a smirk coming across his face, as a scowl came onto yours.

“Let me go!” Was demanded, irritation marking your features, as you saw the man sit in front of you, almost like nothing was wrong.

Anger filled your being as he shook his head. “What did I tell you?” He asked almost mockingly. “You calm down and then we can talk about whether you deserve to be freed.”

Your resolution to fight was slowly draining from your body. A few more demands to be let go left your lips, followed by a few pleas to be freed. All of these were met with nothing more than a shaken head and a sharp no. Soon you were quiet, tugging at your ties every now and again, but all that energy that filled you previously was gone. Before long, you just sat still, eyes glossed over, staring at your captor, unable to fight anymore.

Despite your body sitting still, unmoving, for far too long, the man did not bother to approach or even check on your weakened figure. He instead sat there watching you, almost as thought he was enjoying the fact you were surrendering, giving up your fight. “Are we calm now?” He asked, nodding to himself as you did not respond. “Now that we are calm, I’m going to talk, and you’ll do as I say, or you won’t be getting untied.”

Sitting on the chair, you did not even bother nodding at the man, just wanting this nightmare to be over, as he started to speak once again.

“Now that you are listening, my name is Kei.” Kei started with, finally telling you his name after how many days you had been stuck here with him already. Standing, he walked until he was next to your chair. “There is no escaping from here, you need to stop, you are going to only end up hurting yourself.” He started to stroke your jaw and cheek as he spoke. “You will have everything you need here, there will be no reason for you to leave here, to leave me. I will provide you with everything you need, and if there is anything you need, you will tell me, there is no need for you to be trying to swim out of his cave again. You will stay here, you will learn to like it here, you will learn to love it here, to love me.”

Moving his hand from your cheek to your hair, you felt him tug your head back, so you were looking at him. “Maybe one day if you prove you can be trusted and you behave, I’ll take you outside of the cave to see the rest of the area. But until then, you will be stuck here, doing just as I say.”

Releasing your hair momentarily, your head fell back down, your chin meeting your collarbone. “I think we’ll keep you here for a bit longer, I don’t think you’ve exactly learned your lesson yet.” Kei was quick to say, with another jerk of your hair, he had you looking up once more. “I’ll get you some food, either you eat willingly or I’ll force you to. I’ll even compel you with my siren song if I have to, well find a way to.”

As he spoke all the puzzle pieces started to fall in place. Siren, siren song, compel, siren song. He is a siren that explains the tail and appears when he hits the water. He is a siren, singing his siren song, that explains why everyone was acting so erratic on the ship. He was singing, sending everyone to their deaths. But for some reason it did not affect you in that moment, maybe it would now, you were unsure. The only thing you were sure of, was that he was the sole reason for your parents deaths, their ship’s destruction, the deaths of everyone else on the ship, and your current imprisonment.

He had destroyed all you knew, your parents livelihood, what would one day become your livelihood, all for what, a temporary moment of joy. He had saved you from going down with the ship, like a true captain does, all for what, his own sense of want and greed. Everything that was happening right in this moment was his fault, you had been saved for his twisted sense of desire under the guise that he loved you.

Love at first sight, what a stupid farce, no one believes in it realistically. Yet, here he was, taking you from all you knew, for that foolish thing. Love? You would never fall in love with such a selfish and egotistical maniac. He seems to believe that coercion is the way to love, however you would rather jump right back into the swirling whirlpool, than accept or tolerate acts of affection from this man. He genuinely thought that you would be capable of learning to love it here, of learning to love him. What was explained within his words was nothing more than Stockholm syndrome, false feelings of love towards one’s captor, since you would never love the person who took everything from you.

Glaring at him as he walked over to the crates of fruit that he had saved from your parents destroyed ship, you kept the urge to start screaming within your mind. Starting to think up a plan within the expanses of your mind, knowing that you will be free, even if it is the last thing you ever do in your life.

Days had blended into nights. No longer were you sure how long you have been here. No longer were you sure how many days have passed since the ship sunk. No longer were you sure whether it was day or night at a certain time. Luckily no longer were you tied to the chair, finally having gained his favor, being released after getting to the point of being so weak you could have not fought him even if you wished.

The cave was lit with some lamps Kei had found somehow. Probably from sinking another ship, sending all the poor passengers to a watery grave. Somehow he even managed to get matches to light the lamps, however you never saw those. For them to have not gotten destroyed by water, he must have been on the ship while literally letting everyone go down with it.

The sheer amount of selfishness and carelessness towards human life he carried appalled you. He would brag about having saved you with such ease, but then he easily sends hundreds of others, men, women, and children hurling towards their deaths in the whirlpool near the rocky spires. He only saves things from these sinking ships he thinks might be able to purchase your favor, that might be able to make you love him.

But none of it will.

Being docile and submissive towards him was painful towards your soul, however, you were biding your time. When he released you from your binds you were too weak to attempt an escape, however the days had passed, your strength had come back, you were sure this time you would be able to get away.

Despite his desire to stay with you at all times, Kei was unable to do so, always saying some shit about his royal duties. He was not only a crazy maniac that abducted people for his own amusement, but also apparently somehow siren royalty, a prince he once said. Yet, this brought you no sense of security, it only made you want to leave even more. Royalty or not, you were not a toy or prize to be won, you were not a porcelain doll to put away and keep under lock and key, you would gain your freedom even if it meant being welcomed into a water grave alongside your parents on the seafloor.

You had realized he had a schedule, he would leave for hours at a time, with no way to track time, you would only assume it must be five or six hours at a time. Just enough time for you to be able to escape before he would be back, you would be gone before he returned, you would be gaining your freedom finally.

The morning went as it normally did. Kei digging fruit and vegetables from some crates he had stolen from a sinking ship, providing you the food, before he would start to see if he needed to sink another ship. Even when there was no need for anymore food, furniture, or clothing, he would sink one anyways for his own morbid joy of the scene.

You were unsure of when you would attempt to escape again, however overhearing his musing, you were sure that today was the day. He had started talking about what he needed, things like warmer clothing for you, more food, the usual items. But one thing he said stopped you in your thoughts, his mutterings about a child, finding a child on a ship, becoming a family. While you might be stuck here with him, you would be damned if he dragged anyone else into this hell with him.

The morning went as normal, eating the food, watching him walk around the cave, listening to his ramblings, fighting the urge to hit him when he kissed your cheek, fighting the urge to throw up as he called you his baby. Soon he was standing, arm wrapped around you, face buried into your neck, placing soft kisses along the flesh, while muttering about how he must go.

You said nothing, just watching and waiting.

Kei found himself jumping into the water, diving down underneath the glistening liquid, going to get more things he felt were necessary for you. Unbeknownst to you, while he was doing such a kind act of service for your comfort, you were biding your time. Waiting until you deemed the time appropriate to escape.

Jumping into the water was a stupid decision. However it had been at least ten minutes since Kei left the cave, so you thought you were safe. You thought that maybe you could either escape this water home, or that you would be welcomed into a watery grave. Maybe you should have heeded his warning, his words should have lived in your mind. They should have let you know that you would never be free of him, you would never be allowed to leave here, be allowed to leave him.

Once you breached the water, you had only been swimming a minute or two when you saw the first one. A flurry of long flowing hair caught your eye, the female siren turning to you, making momentary eye contact, before swimming away at a high speed. Paralyzed at the sight of another one of them, you found yourself unable to swim any further, stuck in place, starting to sink. Your breath was running out, and you hoped that maybe this was it, maybe you were going to finally be free on your own terms.

However, you should know that things are not that easy.

His hands were felt before his body was seen. The hands were rougher than Kei’s and they were stronger. The arms wrapped around you with little force, however, they bound you like a vise. “You shouldn’t be here.” The male siren said as you were starting to struggle only making his arms tighten before starting to swim up, starting to take you back where you started.

Wiggling, attempting to get free, but it was no use. The male siren just held you tighter and tighter, wordlessly swimming back into the cave, before bringing you up above the surface. As your body found the ground, you passed out, the lack of oxygen finally taking action.

Unsure how long you were on the ground, you awoke to the strong armed siren standing near you. They were keeping you away from the water, their position being one that would easily allow them to stop you if you tried to pull that stunt again, if you tried to run again. Looking around the once bright sky had faded, allowing you to know that this little escapade had taken you unconscious for many hours.

As you attempted to judge how far from the water you were, it was when you heard him, Kei. Those sirens had gotten him and he returned to the cave as quickly as he could. It was only then that you realized, the female siren and male siren being here was not just a coincidence, he had told them to watch you. He had his underlings doing the dirty work, keeping you from escaping, keeping you captive in this hell.

You thought maybe you had a chance to make a break for it, he was too distracted at this moment to notice you, at least you thought.

Kei’s attention had never left you for even a moment, even when you thought he was deep in conversation, he was a skilled multitasker when it came to you. “I thought I’d lost you.” He simply said, had he cried it out you might have been more convinced of his overwhelming feelings towards you being unconscious for so long, yet in the end his voice conveying an emotion you knew was not genuine.

You simply shrugged, moving away from the man as he neared you, his arms outstretched, trying to grab you. Standing you simply moved to the farthest edge of the cave, putting as much distance as you could between yourself and Kei.

The stress on his face was evident in the moment, watching you with an incredulous look. He had risked his life to rescue you from the sinking ship, he had rescued you from the water the first time you jumped in, along with the second time, the third time, and he or his subjects would each time you jumped into the glistening pool of liquid. Seeing the blasé expression you wore, he was hurt, brought aback by how you seemed to ignore him with such ease. “So you don’t regret it at all?”

Shrugging your shoulders once more, you were unsure how to display your dislike of him and this situation any more. “Leave me alone.” Came from your lips with ease, turning your body so you were practically facing the wall, back towards him.

A sharp laugh left the male’s mouth, watching the display that was akin to a toddler throwing a tantrum. “Is that really what you want?”

“Just go, leave me alone. Go be with your little mermaids or whatever.” You said, hoping that maybe he would leave you, let you live however many days you may have left in peace, without him being here hovering or bothering you.

“I don’t want them. I want you.” Was all he said, quickly crossing the give, his arms pulling you from the wall to look at him. “And I always get what I want.” He said, hand coming up to grab at your face.

Turning away, you found yourself unable to move from his clutch, stuck in his arms, in his grasp. He restricted your movements with ease, keeping you right where he wanted you, right here.

Kei’s hand clutched your chin, pulling your face closer to his, pressing his nose gently against your forehead at that moment. His lips found your nose, pressing a kiss gently against the tip of it. Before his nose was soon pressed against yours, his eyes staring into yours with a vacant empty stare. “You may have evaded my siren song once, but don’t think I won’t find a way to use it to keep you here.” He advised you, his lips finding yours in a forced kiss.

Struggling against his arm, you felt his hand moving from your chin to your back, securely keeping you in between his arms. He was so strong, you were unable to escape his grasp, instead stuck wriggling in his hold. Unable to escape.

“I won’t warn you again. You will be staying here.” Kei spoke, his words harsh, as his lips parted from yours momentarily. “You will be staying with me, whether it’s willingly or by force, you are mine.” He said, his lips meeting yours in a clash of teeth.

Unable to move, you had attempted to bite his lip, however that did not deter him, he instead kissed you even more passionately. This act of violence was welcome to him, as Kei’s hands moved from behind your back to your thighs, picking you up with ease. He was too strong, since soon your back met the rough rocks of the cave walls harshly. Kei’s tongue invades your mouth, swirling around your own, he licks at each and every part of your mouth, memorizing your taste, how you feel. Despite your attempts to break the kiss, you are unable to part from him, his grasp on you being too harsh, too strong, too rough. As his tongue moved around your mouth, his hands gripping your skin, you felt the tears start falling, crying out against his mouth.

He was not going to let you go now that he finally got you, nothing would stop him at this point from doing everything in his power to make sure you remained his. He would hurt anyone that attempted to steal you from him. He would kill anyone that attempted to take you away from him permanently. You were his, and he would go through hell and back to keep it that way, to keep you where you belong, to keep you as his.

Kei may have easily been able to overpower you, however you found yourself fighting despite his tight grasp, wanting freedom, wanting to be away from this man. His arms however were too strong, tightening as he pushed you further into the rocks, they easily pierced the delicate skin on your back. Unbeknownst to you, the once dazzling white fabric was slightly becoming stained with the crimson fluid dripping from the fresh cuts adorning your back.

His tongue left your mouth, leaving you to now cry out in pain. However, those sounds went unheard to Kei, he instead started to kiss up your cheeks, starting to lick the tears as they fell from your eyes. The pain you were experiencing was nothing to him, he instead focused on the joy he felt from the position he had you in. His mind consumed with the joy of finally having something no one else had for himself.

None of the others were confident to keep a human as a pet, even if he told himself you were not his pet, the others would still refer to you as such. The siren songs of the royalty was enough to compel any human, so even if they had found a human immune to their song, the human would not be immune to his or the other royals songs. You however were special, you were immune to his song, the song of the siren prince. In all his years, he had yet to see someone evade his song, but here you were, you evaded his song, you invaded his heart, consuming his mind, and all that was left was thoughts of you.

“I always get what I want, and you will not be leaving now or ever.” Kei muttered, his lips having shifted from your cheeks to your neck, he was lavishing the flesh with his tongue and plush lips. The once dry flesh now glistened with moisture, his lips starting to suck and nibble along your neck. Sucking the skin into his awaiting mouth, he marked your neck, the tingling skin was soon to bruise, a sign of his efforts put in. His teeth marked your neck with ease, the canines scratching across the flesh, luckily not cutting through the skin though.

Despite the desire to vacate his arms, to run away, leave this place, leave him behind, you found yourself parting your lips, yet it was not a cry slipping past them at this point.

A guttural moan left your lips, despite your needs to not show any pleasure from his man’s actions. As Kei sucked at a specific spot along your neck, you felt all that tension, that anger, flooding from your body, instead being replaced by a slight bit of release, trying to relax as he continued his ministrations. For once he finally heard the noises you were making, and made it his goal to hear that again. The pain coming from your back faded, instead being temporarily replaced by the feeling of pleasure coming from his actions, and Kei focused even further on the spot on your neck, no longer just sucking it, but instead licking it and grazing it with his teeth.

The action was one that brought you dread, knowing that whatever he had been rambling on about was true, that you were stuck here. Looking aside, making eye contact with the siren that pulled you from the water and subdued you until Kei had arrived, it was fleeting. The siren looked away, maybe ashamed at his actions, maybe feeling pity for you, however, whichever it was, you would remain in the dark, as he slipped into the water, evading your sight.

It was only then that Kei’s voice met your ears. “If you try another little stunt like that again, you’ll end up tied to that damn again for the rest of your life.” He said harshly, his word being marked with his arms tightening around your figure. “If you do anything like that again, you’ll be saying goodbye to the little bit of freedom you have.”

With that his lips were pressed against yours once more, harshly pressed against them in a bruising display of affection. You however remained still, unmoving to his harsh actions. Only then did you feel his hand clutching your hair, pulling the strands with a quick tug, causing you to open your mouth in pain. You felt his tongue slipping into your mouth, the kiss continued for too long, so long that you started to reciprocate the rough action, much to his pleasure.

Kei detached himself from you with a sharp movement, his hand however never leaving your hair. Tears started to fall as he jerked your hair once more, walking, leading you by your hair around the cave. He was quick to push you down into a chair, before leaning over, making eye contact with you once more. His hand found your chin, holding it harshly as he forced you to look at him. “Now, you’ll stay there and be good won’t you?” He asked mockingly, before standing up. “Since if you don’t, next time it’ll be chains holding you down.” He added, his eyes drifting over to the rusty pile of chains that he had pulled up from the sea floor.

You barely had time to look at the brown pile of metal before he was on his way towards the water again. The whole scene was giving you whiplash, how quickly he went from attempting to sweetly kiss you, to him holding your hair tightly in his grasp pulling you around like a doll.

Kei was quick to be on the water's edge. “Fuma watch them.” being the last thing he said before disappearing underwater.

Watching as he disappeared under the water, the tears started to fall even worse. A few stray tears turned into full on sobbing, not even the forlonging looks from Fuma would stop them. You knew you were stuck here, stuck here with him, and there would be no freedom for you.

As he swam away, Kei could hear your sobbing, however he honestly did not care. Nothing more than a smirk crossed his features, knowing he had broken part of you. Now, all he needed to do was break the rest of you. Soon you would be nothing more than a plaything in his hand, a toy for all his needs and desires. Soon you would never want to be apart from him. Soon you would only know that being by his side is where you belong. Soon you would never want to leave him and he would be happy, since after all, he always gets everything he wants and that includes you.

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Tangled Hearts

✿ Synopsis: He was your number one rival, after being caught in a compromising position with him, you find yourself in a circumstance where working with him seems to be your only solution. A torn sheet of paper with a list of rules holding both of your signatures, being the only thing connecting you two. Yet, what if you find yourself wishing that paper was not the only thing tying you two together.

✿ Who: Park Jeongson / Jay [Enhypen] & Gender Neutral Reader ✿ Word Count: 19733 Words ✿ Genre: Angst/Fluff ✿ Warnings: Explicit language, forced kissing, kissing, bodily harm, bleeding. ✿ Request: No ✿ Enjoy.

“Read it and weep,” Slipped from your lips, slamming the exactly twenty-nine page report, which has a bright red A plus with a ninety-nine drawn in large letters and circled, onto his desk. “It seems someone didn’t do that well,” Mockingly left your mouth, as he quickly tried to cover the bright red A with a ninety drawn on in it large letters and circled, opting to just shove it into his folder instead of attempting to cover it. “If you need help you could always ask, I’m sure I could find the time in my schedule to tutor the less fortunate.” Was said with false pity lacing each word, nothing more than sarcasms dripping from each word that left your mouth.

Jay was quick to scoff, hiding the papers within his folder, before pushing your report from his desk, wishing you would just turn around at your table, instead of bothering him. “At least I got an A, or did someone forget that B you got yesterday.” He quickly retorted, laughing at the obvious displeasure upon your face, as he brought up the score you had received on your literature essay the day before, an eighty-nine, meanwhile he received a ninety-seven. “If you need help you could always ask, I’m sure I could find the time in my schedule to tutor the less fortunate.” He said, directly mocking what you had just said to him.

“Damn, y'all got nineties?” The person who shared the table with Jay inquired, as they looked between your papers, before looking at his own. “I got a thirty-two.” The voice was quick to add, which a thirty-two was a generous score, seeing how he only wrote about two pages and one of the two was not even on the topic the reports were supposed to be on. 

As you stared at the person who dared interrupt your bragging, Jay was doing the same. “Shut up Beomgyu.” Came from both of you at the same time, like some sort of coordinated circus act. Speaking at the same time, Jay and you made eye contact, an obvious look of disgust coming upon both of your faces. “This doesn’t involve you Beomgyu,” 

Beomgyu was fast to raise his hands up, symbolizing that he surrenders. “God calm down, I was just saying, I’d kill for a ninety-nine, or even a ninety.”

“Beomgyu, you would probably kill for a seventy, you have like what, a forty-three in this class.” Jay was quick to say, turning his attention to the guy besides him, hoping you would take the hint and leave him alone. Luck however in his favor, since at that exact moment a loud voice was heard clearing at the front of the class, drawing everyone’s attention.

Unable to retort to either of the men, you simply picked up your report, placing it into your folder, before focusing on the professor in front of you. Professor Jung was luckily not one of the hardest professors at your university, however, she did assign the most essays and reports. Today was no different, you had finished a month long report, and here she was ready to assign another report. The only question on your mind, was what would the topic be, 

“You all have done various reports and essays for this class so far this semester, so this month’s assignments, you will instead have a month long project. I know, you are disappointed you aren’t getting the monthly report and weekly essays as usual, but instead all your focus will be towards this project, so no reports or essays this month. This project is twenty percent of your grade, so make sure you work diligently, it can really hurt you, or it can really help you. The next two months will be one large project instead of two smaller projects, so remember who your partner is, they will be with you on this project until the end of the semester.” Professor Jung spoke, her eyes shifting towards Beomgyu as she said the last part. 

“I will be pulling it up onto the board momentarily, however I have chosen who you will be working with, make sure you get together with who you are paired with a plan out a schedule that will work for you. On our front desk, we have five papers, you will need one of each per group. One paper is a log, you will need to write down the time and date you meet up to work together and sign off on it, you need to meet up at least 5 times, to get full credit for that portion of the rubric. The next paper will vary group to group, they are upside down so you can not look through them; these are what you will be creating and if you need to create it to withstand a certain condition. You should all know we have been discussing urban building, rural building, and natural disasters; these sheets give you a prompt and some have a natural condition, you may be planning and building a kindergarten that can withstand the torrential tornados of the area, you maybe planning how to build a hospital in an area that does not have one for hours around and has extreme winters and summers, or you may be planning and building something that will be contained in the dead space under an elevated highway system. The third sheet is of the required components of your build and your documentation, each of these must be included for you to get full credit on this section.  The fourth sheet lets you know what is needed of your models, the minimum and maximum height and size your model can be. The last sheet is a list of questions that should be answered throughout your report. Please do not wait until the last minute to do this project, it is a lot more than you think it will be. Any materials for your builds can be taken from our department storage, however, make sure not to waste them, or take way more than you need.” Professor Jung finished her monologue, opening up the file with the pair's names onto the smartboard of the classroom, before starting to retreat towards her connected office. “Here are the pairs and class is dismissed. Get to work on your projects.” She said, finally entering her office, yet not closing the door behind herself, leaving it wide open for any students that have questions.

Looking down at the paper on your desk, the notebook sheet was filled with perfectly written and spaced notes. You documented everything she said was important, and wrote the main details of the project down. Making sure to make your things up, except for your folder, to put the papers into. Knowing that the professor made your pairs, you could only hope that Beomgyu’s name was not next to your own, since that would mean doing the whole project solo. As you thought about being paired with Beomgyu, a few other classmates names came to mind, Winter, Taehyun, Yuna, and others; each one being just not the best to be paired with, either they were failing or just barely getting by, and you would be damned if you let them ruin your straight A’s in this class. The lowest score you had received from Professor Jung was a ninety-four, and you planned to keep it like that. However, you did not have long to dwell on who you would be working with, as you heard an anguished muffled yell from behind you.

“She has to be joking,” Jay was quick to say, shooting Beomgyu a dirty look, as his seatmate started to laugh, knowing why Jay was so mad. “Don’t even start with me Beomgyu,” He said, the venom dripping from each of his words, causing Beomgyu to immediately shut up. 

Beomgyu noticed in his own silence, that you were silent, but also that you were packing your things. “I guess someone’s not as mad as you, maybe they wanted to work with you.” He was quick to say, rising from his seat before poking at your arm, with a laugh. “Am I right?” 

Feeling the finger poke at your arm, you moved your arm, staring up at Beomgyu with a look to tell him to stop. “Are you right about what? Why are you looking at me like that?” You asked him, finally deciding to look away from his grinning face, the only thing to look at being the board in the front of the class. “This is a joke right, this has to be fake, no way am I working with him.” You were quick to say, rising with a start, unable to believe what you had just read.

On the board was a list of names, Taehyun and Yuna, Beomgyu and Sakura, Winter and Karina, and right under that sat your name, next to one you would never wish upon even your worst enemy. “No way am I working with Jay,” quickly left your lips, grabbing your bag, you planned to make your way over towards the professor's office, this could not be happening, and you could not be expected to work with him. Hell, you would rather work with Beomgyu, the person whose highest score in the class was a fifty-four, than with Jay.

“Think I want to work with you either sweetheart,” Jay was quick to say, walking past you with ease, making it to the professor's office right before you did. 

Beomgyu stood back, enjoying the show, watching as you both stormed into Professor Jung’s office. “You might not want to work together, but it seems she wants you to.” He called out on deaf ears, since neither of you were listening to a single word from anyone, instead being consumed by your anger of the situation.

Walking into the professor's office, she looked up, gesturing to the door. Jay was quick to close the door, given the look in her eyes, you knew she had done this on purpose, and it let you know that you were not going to be successful in getting a partner change. “I can not work with them.” You said, just as Jay did, once again speaking in complete sync. As you had prior, both exchanged a dirty look, shocked that they spoke in sync once more. “I would rather work alone than with them.” Was said, both completely in sync again, causing an amused look from Professor Jung.

“You two are my brightest and best students. I don’t know what is going on between you two, this whole little hate situation, but it needs to end. The architecture business isn’t as large as you may think it is, and both of you, being as bright and excellent as you are, will more than likely be working together once you graduate. You two need to figure out whatever this little problem is between you, sort it out, and work together. You will not be getting separated, you will not be doing this project alone, and you will not just do the work on your own. You have been paired together, so you will be working together as a pair, I will not be changing my mind, this discussion is over, go get started on your project.” Professor Jung was quick to say, ending any argument before it started, not even giving either of you a chance to plead your case. 

Leaving her office, you felt dejected, and honestly, Jay felt the same. She dismissed the two of you and did not even allow you to get any words in, instead ending the discussion and sending you on your way. Exiting her office, the classroom was empty, not even Beomgyu hung around to bother the two of you. Leaving the office, there were exactly five sheets of paper left on the table at the front. Grabbing them, you sighed, guessing you would be having to work with Jay, despite how much it hurt you to think of. “Modern art museum surrounded by a garden, no major environmental conditions affect this area.” You read off the paper, just before it was stolen from your hand. 

“If you think I trust you with our project’s papers, you are dreaming.” Jay said, starting to shove the papers into his bag. Just wanting to leave this classroom, go to his apartment and forget this ever happened. Being paired with you was the worst thing that could have happened for his day, he would rather work with Beomgyu, or any of the other names on the list of slackers of the class, than you. 

Cringing as he shoved them into his backpack, you reached in, grabbing the papers back before he could zip his bag. “You could at least have the common fucking courtesy to not crumble the papers into small balls.” You said, starting to flatten the papers out, before putting them into your own folder. “You know, then maybe we can actually read them, when we need them.” 

Jay scoffed, watching as you treated the papers with such gentleness, attempting to fix the crinkles he made in the material. “Whatever you say sweetheart, whatever makes you feel better.” He said, just zipping his bag up before removing his phone from his pocket. “Just give me your number and we can plan when we’ll meet up,” He started, planning to insult you once more, by saying he just could not stand to breath in the same air as you any longer, yet seeing Professor Jung leaving her office, a new stack of papers in her hands, for her next class, he decided not to.

Looking up, seeing his eyes catch onto something, you knew Professor Jung was in the room. Knowing that, you stopped your own arguing, simply just putting the papers into your folder, and your folder into your backpack, before zipping it up. Giving him your number, you found yourself leaving the classroom right after him, the two of you headed in different directions as you headed to lunch. It took not even five minutes for you to receive the first message, ‘this is Jay’, being all it said. 

Before you knew it, it was the end of the day, you were on your way to the library, having planned to meet with Jay there after your last class ended. While walking through the various shelving units, you searched each of the tables, looking for the familiar sharply dressed black haired man. He had told you that he would be here after your last class, so you consider that maybe you should have walked with him here, seeing how you had all the same classes. That was how all this started, being the same major, you both took the recommended course loads, and therefore ended up in all the same classes. It being semester three of this, with five more to go, it was only natural that the two top students in each class would begin to compete with one another, being rivals. 

Walking through the aisles of the library, each table seemed to be full of students that were not him. In another life you would have been working with anyone else in the class, or better yet your professor would have allowed you to work alone, but instead you were stuck in this life, and stuck with him. Maybe in your other life things went differently, you were the top of your class, no need to compete with Jay for that spot; yet, for every life you were top of class, there was another Jay who was top of class. Throughout your endless search for the male, you were growing tired, where could he be hiding in this library. Rather than just having to search every nook and cranny of the library, you should have made him give you a specific place to meet at, which you would the next time you meet.

This was the first of your five mandatory meetings, and it seemed like it might not even happen. Anger filled your being as the thought that Jay had lied, wasting your time like this, crossed your mind. Getting ready to head back towards the entrance and leave, you found yourself standing at the stairs to the fourth floor, the last floor of the library. Deciding you may as well check it, seeing how you checked all the other floors, you started your way up the stairs. The fourth floor was rarely used by students, one half of the room was full of old books from the archives, while the other half of the room was filled with a variety of children’s books and stories. These archive books were not available to be checked out in the university's library system, but were allowed to be used while on this floor. This part of the floor was usually only used by medical students, using the books that were so heavy they were unable to be removed from the podiums on which they sat, while the other part of the floor was only used by the education majors, selecting books to read to their practicum classes and books for their children’s literature reports. Weaving in and out of the shelving units, even going as far as to glance into empty study rooms that usually remained vacant at this point of the semester, honestly they usually remained empty at every point of the semester, he was nowhere to be seen. 

The anger you had felt before ascending the stairs started to return, the fact that he had wasted your time like this, you had been searching throughout the library for almost thirty minutes for him. It angered you how he did this, practically sending you on a wild goose chase for him, when he obviously was not in the library during this time. The only places you had yet to check were the bathrooms, and you were definitely not going to be checking in them. Rounding the corner you exited the tall shelves full of old ancient books, most of which were factually inaccurate at this point, but too costly for the university to dispose of, into a much different scene, tall shelves full of colorful children’s books in a variety of languages. Walking through the first few, you started to hear voices, they were unintelligible from where you stood, but were louder the further you walked. Glancing at the books displaying brightly colored covers with anthropomorphic animals wearing a variety of clothing you thought to yourself, of course I would find Jay in the middle of the children’s section, these books are probably perfectly his reading level. 

As you neared the first corner in the children’s section, the voices became a lot louder, it was a female voice, and they were repeatedly whispering, yelling a name. Getting closer you started to recognize what they were saying, it was Jay’s name repeatedly; the girl was saying Jay, Jay Park, Park Jongseong on repeat, like she was trying to call some sort of dog. Immediately turning on your toes, you walked in the opposite direction, not wanting to run into what sort of banshee was a few shelves down calling out for Jay’s name like they were calling a lost dog. Walking directly into the next corner, you found yourself being grabbed by the arm, back pushed against the cold hard deep brown wood of the side of a bookshelf. Immediately you opened your mouth to scream, but instead a hand was quick to cover your mouth, muffling any noise. Looking up, you realized the hand belonged to none other than Jay, as he kept you from making any noise, his eyes staring into yours with a pleading look, begging you to say nothing. With a nod, his hand moved from your mouth, the pleading look stayed in his eyes. “Why they fuck are you hiding up here? What the fuck are you doing?” You whispered to him, trying to move from his grasp, but his hold on you kept you exactly where you were. 

As you started to whisper, Jay could only hope that Yujin was unable to hear the two of you, otherwise she would be all over him again in just a minute. “I’m trying to hide from Yujin, so if you could keep it down, once she leaves we can work on our project.” Jay whispered through clenched teeth, trying his best to keep the two of you hidden on the bookshelf edge, hopefully just out of Yujin’s line of sight.

Upon hearing the name slip from his lips, a moment of realization hit you at that name, Yujin. She was a girl you noticed back in the second semester, it was freshman year and she for some reason got obsessed with Beomgyu and some other guys in your classes. Beomgyu was always bragging about how smoking hot she was, that was until she realized Beomgyu’s future was not as bright as Jay’s. She transferred into your architecture classes at the beginning of your second year, but quickly transferred back into her original major, once she realized how hard the classes were. Honestly, she was a joke to everyone in your major, she would attempt to attach herself to any guy that would catch her attention, especially to any major that she felt would be rich. She had her try with the medical majors, none giving her time of day, she then tried to shoot her shot with the computer science guys, but they honestly were mostly too focused on coding to pay attention to her, the engineering guys did not even let her start, and then it was the architecture majors. None of them would let her around them either, Beomgyu being the only exception, and he was honestly the only one of them she did not want. 

Knowing her history around the college, how she described herself as majoring in becoming a missus, made the whole situation even more hilarious to you. Yujin, whose whole goal was not to graduate university, but instead to get married to someone that will be rich, seemed to have set her sights on the one and only Park Jongseong. His discomfort brought you joy, it reminded you of a freshman student you had tutored for one of your professors, he thought it was more than just tutoring, swearing he had fallen in love with you, always asking you out and not leaving you alone. “If you aren’t interested in her, just let her know, I’m sure she’d leave you alone after being told.” You mockingly said to him, recalling the exact words Beomgyu had told you last semester, overhearing your complaints about the freshman, Alex, words Jay agreed with at that moment. Yet, in this moment, based on the look he immediately gave you, they were words he did not agree with any longer.

Opening his mouth to respond, he immediately closed it again after hearing the voice getting closer and closer to where you were standing. Yujin’s shrill voice saying Jay on repeat like a broken record. The voice was getting closer and closer, like some twisted version of Marco Polo where only one person calls out, and in this version you definitely did not want to get caught by the one calling out. Jay’s body pressed closer to yours, the voice getting closer and closer. 

“Jay, I found you.” Yujin’s voice started to say, finally seeing Jay’s backpack, but luckily not seeing where you stood. She started to make a beeline down the aisle, easily walking as quickly as she could towards the man she had spent the last thirty minutes or so in the search of.

Hearing her footsteps get closer and closer, fear set into Jay, and you were able to see it on his face, knowing good and well that once she was here, Yujin would probably not be leaving him alone. You started to open your mouth, a comment for Yujin loaded, to let her know where he indeed was. The comment however never came. 

Jay looked around, trying to find a way out, Yujin getting closer and closer, terrifying him more than anything. As he looked around for a way out, he caught your eyes, keeping eye contact for only a second, he tried to find a way out once more. As Yujin was almost there, he did the unthinkable, bending down he pressed his lips against yours, rendering the both of you frozen for a moment, completely unsure of what just happened. 

The two of you just stand there, frozen, letting Yujin see exactly what was going on. Before you knew it a shrill scream was heard, she was shocked at what she saw evident by her voice. “You fucking asshole Jongseong,” She started to scream, “You’ve had a significant other this whole time you asshole, leading me on like I had a chance.” She said, the venom dripping from each word she said. With a huff that sounded more like a muffled scream, she turned on her heel, storming off, leaving the two of you alone, lips pressed against one anothers, and confused as to what just happened.

Once she was out of the area, the two of you finally parted, Jay moving away from you, making sure Yujin was actually gone. As he did that, you were unable to stop your hand from coming up, hitting him square in the chest, causing him to let out a labored breath, before stepping back once more, out of your arm’s reach. “What the fuck was that for Park Jongseong?” You whisper yelled at him, the last thing you wanted to do was attract Yujin’s attention back to where you stood. “I have to disinfect my fucking mouth now” Was muttered under your breath, as you wiped at your mouth with the sleeve of your plaid cardigan.

Stepping back away from you, attempting to dodge another slap that never came, Jay stared at you, his eyes catching the look of disgust that was held in your own eyes. “Sorry, you think I wanted to do that, it was the only thing I could think of to get rid of Yujin. You know how she is, a damn piranha, once she sticks herself on you, she doesn’t leave. I didn’t know what else to do.” He started to ramble, attempting to explain why he did what he just did. As he spoke however, he thought of how Yujin was the campus gossip, if she had not already, soon everyone would know what just happened, who he was kissing, and everything. 

“Maybe talk to her, if you aren’t interested in her, just let her know, I’m sure she’d leave you alone after being told.” You said, mocking him once more for the words he agreed with that were once said to you. “Maybe instead of putting your disgusting lips against mine, you could have used your words, and just told her you don’t like her. Maybe spoke up for the whole male population of the school, maybe humbled her a bit, instead of kissing me.” Was said, each word making you angrier and angrier at what he just did. “Do you even know what you just fucking did? Everyone and their mother is going to know what you did, in like thirty minutes. The devil moves fast, but Yujin moves faster, especially when it involves the object of her misguided affection at that moment in time.” You said, what was to happen, finally hitting you. “She’s going to tell every fucking one.” 

Jay shakes his head, wanting to do nothing more than forget what had just happened, what he had just done, what he had honestly just started. “Let’s just work on our project, I doubt she’s gonna do much. She’s all bark and no bite. Sure she’ll run her mouth, but who is gonna believe her.” Jay was quick to say, thinking of all the times the two of you have started arguments, knowing there was no way anyone in their right mind would believe Yujin if she said she found the two of you kissing. Honestly, most people would not even believe Yujin if she said she saw you two in a room not arguing, even that would be a stretch.

The anger in your eyes remained, despite his words, since you knew she would talk, and people would listen. Even if they did not believe her words, they would still humor her, they would listen to her talk endlessly about whatever it was, and this week it was yourself and him. “I swear to god, if I have even one person approach me about this bullshit, I will make your life even harder than it already is.” You were quick to threaten him, wanting nothing more than to go home at this point, but knowing you needed to start on your project. 

Grabbing your backpack, you were quick to walk towards the isolation rooms in the middle of the floor that separated the children’s section from the archives. Entering one, you left the door cracked, hoping that Jay had the common sense to follow you. Sitting down, you were quick to start unloading your supplies, getting everything from class laid out. Ready to start working on this dumb project with him, knowing the sooner you get started, the faster you can get away from him.

Jay was shocked at what he heard, listening to you threaten him, but he oddly understood why. Watching as you started to blaze a trail, walking away from him, he quickly grabbed his own backpack, walking quickly to follow you. Entering the isolation room after you, he was fast to do the same as you had, spreading out his supplies on the table, getting ready to start the project. Working together, the two of you decided upon some basics of your assignment. Despite having plans to get as much done as you could, the drama with Yujin had delayed your start, leaving little done, before you decided to finish for the night.

Exiting the fourth floor, you found a set of eyes on you, averting your eyes as one of Yujin’s friends caught sight of you and Jay leaving the fourth floor, you just continued walking. Unbeknownst to you, what Yujin had seen was already spreading along campus, especially amongst your circles. It would have been nothing more than hearsay, had it not been accompanied by a photo taken by a Yeji, one of Yujin’s friends who worked in the library, who happened to be monitoring the cameras at that exact moment. 

Exiting the library you were quick to realize a short buzz to your phone, opening it up, you saw nothing more than a message from Gaeul, one of your friends. The message said nothing more than ‘Jay? Really?’, alerting you that the mouth of Yujin had started to spread what she saw across campus already, much to your dislike.

Entering class the next day, it was odd, everyone’s eyes were shifting between Jay and yourself, yet none of them said anything. You had hoped that the rumor would just stay between Yujin and her circle, but obviously that wishful thinking had not done you well at all, since it seems everyone knew, even the teachers. Luckily no one said anything, most people were too afraid to speak up knowing how easily the two of you would give other verbal lashings with your words, too intelligent for many to even attempt to say anything. Well, that was until Beomgyu spoke up, once you sat in your seat next to him. 

“Enemies to lovers arc, am I right. I totally called it. The chemistry I sensed between you two, I totally know you two were totally hate fucking after class, I just fucking know it.” Beomgyu was quick to say once you sat next to him, Jay was on one side, while you were on the other. “Here let me switch you two seats, so you two lovebirds can sit together.” He said attempting to stand up, before Jay’s hand roughly grabbed his arm, pulling him right back down into his seat. “Oh, I see,” he started, like he was some sort of detective genius, instead of just an annoying classmate and friend. “A lover spat, I see. Probably wanted to keep your relationship on the downlow a bit longer, am I right, that photo Yeji sent around must have made it really hard to do that.” 

Ignoring Beomgyu was an art, if you were to be honest. He could be saying anything in the world, and your selective hearing would kick in, and only hear what it wanted to hear that fell from his overactive mouth. Yet, this time, your selective hearing was unneeded, you listened to each word he said, anger starting slowly, until it peaked at the last thing he said. “What photo?” You were quick to ask him, grabbing his arm, your nails digging into his arm as you started to squeeze his arm. “What photo are you talking about Beomgyu?” You repeated, each word getting deeper and deeper, as the anger started to take you over. It was expected that Yujin would run her mouth, telling everyone and anyone that would listen, a photo accompanying her words, that was crazy, there was no one on the fourth floor yesterday except for the three of you. 

Beomgyu grimaced, shaking his arm from your grip before grabbing his phone, quickly pulling up the campus drama twitter page that had been created long ago by students that had not enough work to do, and too much free time. “See, this photo.” He said, showing it to you, before showing it to Jay, knowing if you had not seen it, Jay probably had not as well. Holding his phone out, so the three of you could see it, he gazed at the photo. “Who would have guessed my two besties would be caught making out in the library, like naughty, naughty, you couldn’t choose a better place, the children’s section of the library. What if there was a child there? You two would have scarred it for life, imagine looking for Pinkalicious and instead seeing you two sucking face, horrifying.” 

Staring at the photo, you found yourself speechless, the anger that was within you found itself slowly being replaced by embarrassment. Not only did the whole campus know about Jay and you kissing, but here there was a photo to prove it. A photo that had not only spread through your department, but the whole campus at this point. Staring at the phone in Beomgyu’s hand, you were unable to stop your eyes from shifting down to the limited comments that were available, each one saying that they either saw this coming, or pointing out the fact you were making out in the library like heathens. 

Unable to keep yourself calm, you decided it was best for you to leave. Skipping class was unlike you, but with the feelings that were filling you heart in that moment, you felt it was best, needing to get away, to just have a day off. “I, I’ve got to go.” You quickly muttered to Beomgyu, gathering your items as quickly as you could, before leaving the classroom. 

Watching going through whatever turmoil was going on in your mind, Jay found himself caught up in the thoughts going through his mind as well. On one hand, Yujin would leave him alone now, but on the other, everyone thought the two of you were dating. Watching as you stormed out of the class, he was confused for a moment. You were often so strong, always willing to fight, but here you were all but running, and it looked almost as though there were tears pooling in your eyes as you left the classroom. He was quick to stand up, deciding to follow you, after all yesterday he said no one would trust what Yujin said, but he had not bet on her having a friend that was employed at the library and working yesterday afternoon. He ignored Beomgyu’s call to make sure his lover is alright, just wanting to do something he had never wanted to do to you before, apologize.

Leaving the classroom, you were unable to make it far before an arm grasped your own, stopping you where you stood. Coming face to face with no one other than Alex, the younger man stood there, obviously uncomfortable with what he was going to be doing. “Hey, I just wanted to say I’m sorry. I wouldn’t have come on to you if I knew you had a boyfriend.” He said, almost like all those times he made you uncomfortable would have been okay if you were actually single. His words said one thing for certain, he was only sorry at the thought that he had attempted to come onto another guy's significant other, not that he was actually sorry for making you uncomfortable with his constant advances and appearances. Alex opened his mouth, about to speak more, but seeing someone over your shoulder, he instead closed his mouth, just bowing his head, muttering one last thing before running off. “I’m really sorry.” He muttered, but it was more directed towards the figure behind you, than to you.

From how Alex reacted, you did not need to turn around to know who stood behind you, it was of course Park Jongseong. “What do you want?” You asked, your voice cracking, as you finally turned around, looking him in the eye. You wanted nothing more than to continue running, but seeing how he already followed you this far, you knew he would follow you wherever you left to go.

As Jay’s eyes made contact with yours, he knew he was right, there were tears in your eyes. The person that was always so strong, always willing to fight, stood here in front of him, tears filling their eyes and their voice cracking, breaking. “Um,” He started, suddenly feeling unsure about what he was going to say. He suddenly felt worried, what if what he said made those tears actually start falling, what if he just hurt you worse than you already were. You might have been rivals, but other than in the case of grades, he did not actually want to see you hurting. “I just wanted to say I’m sorry, I didn’t know that she had someone that would do that. If I was honest, I didn’t think Yujin would have any friends seeing how insufferable she is, let alone a friend that works at the library.” He said, like it helps somehow, like his apology would make everything better. 

Shaking your head, you turned on your heel once more, starting to storm off. The only thought on your mind was getting home as quickly as possible, getting back into the safe walls of your apartment, only there could you forget everything that happened and all about Jongseong. Had you been looking behind you, you would have seen Jay reaching out his hand to grab you, only to clutch at air, as you moved before he could catch your arm. Weaving through the students, you ignored all the stares, especially when you heard the footsteps behind you, only attracting more attention than you had before. Walking faster and faster, you practically ran out of the hall, down the flight of stairs, and then out the front entrance of the building, just needing to get away from all of this, to get away from everyone, to get away from him.

Jay was quick to follow you out, he weaving through the students as you did, walking fast just behind you out of the building. Seeing you rounding the corner, he started to actually run, easily catching up to where you stood, grabbing your arm, yanking you back towards him. “Please, just hear me out.” He started, keeping a hold on your arm as he spoke, knowing the moment he let it go, you would run once again, and he would have to chase you all over again.

You stood there in silence, not wanting to do this now, honestly not wanting to do this ever, but you found yourself turning around, finally deciding to confront this issue. “Hear you out about what? How is it not a total trainwreck that all of our classmates think we are together? How is it not a total violation of my privacy that some photo of you kissing me is spreading around online? How I should be lucky it was you since I obviously couldn’t do any better on my own?” You started to rant, unsure exactly what was coming from your mouth half the time, your brain just taking over, and running on autopilot, words falling out without much of a thought put into them. 

Jay shook his head, staring at you, listening to each thing that you said in that moment. “Just hear me out,” He said again, finally getting a nod from you, as you crossed your arms. “I know you think this is the worst thing that could happen, but think of it how I’m seeing it now. Yujin and her crew haven’t bothered me once, since those photos were spread. Think of that freshman, he apologized to you, have any of the other underclassmen been bothering you since those photos started to spread.” He started to explain, as much as he hated to suggest it or look at it this way, he valued not being followed by the girls that only came to college to find a husband even more.

“He didn’t apologize to me, he apologized since he thought he was messing with another man’s significant other.” You told him to start, pausing before continuing. “And yeah, sure, none of the other under or upperclassmen have bothered me since the photo was posted.” Quickly followed after, thinking of how none of the guys that were in your direct messages had messaged you within the last twelve hours. 

“I’m just saying, they don't bother me and you aren’t being bothered anymore either.” Jay explained, the idea coming together in his head. “All I’m saying, let them think we are dating. Hell, we could pretend to be dating, that way we can keep our sanity, we keep them away from us, and we don’t have to worry about them bothering us anymore.” Jay suggested, unsure of what he thought this was a great idea, but he enjoyed the space he has gotten since they decided to leave him alone a little too much.

Scoffing at each word he spoke, you found yourself shaking your head, pretending to date, letting them think you are, what kind of world is he living in. “You must be the single stupidest person I’ve ever had the displeasure of meeting in my life.” You started, staring at him in disbelief. “Pretend to date, no one would believe that, and that’s possibly the stupidest idea I’ve ever heard.”

Listening to you speak, he shook his head, listening to how easily you discredited his idea. “Just think about it. When those pictures spread, all those freshmen that were bothering you stopped, just cold turkey, no longer messaging you anymore. They didn’t even question anything, they saw that photo and just believed it, so I think they would. But, you know if you would rather, we can deny it and I’m sure that one freshman, what was his name, Alec, would have no problem being quick to ask you out again, you know, if you want that.” He explained, seeing how easily they believed a photograph, saying you were dating would probably work just as easily.

The grimace quickly grew onto your face at his words, the mention of Alex finally making your mind think, maybe it is not that bad of an idea. “No, no, don’t.” You started, finally thinking about what he said fully. “But how would we make it believable, no one's gonna just believe it just started or anything, they are gonna want to know details, information, and the backstory.” 

“Simple, we just worked out a fake backstory. Like how with our project we need to give our building a backstory, just like that, except it’s us.” Jay started to explain, “And we can just share our favorite things with each other, that way we know some things about each other, so if anyone asks, we know.” He said, nodding at his own idea, knowing it was a great one, but seeing the apprehension on your face, he continued. “We could consider this a project itself, like we are doing a project within our project.” He said.

Nodding your head, as much as you hated the idea of it all, the idea of being left alone seemed too good to resist. “Fine,” You started, before thinking of something that would definitely help this situation. “We need rules if we're gonna do this."

This was how you ended up sitting across from him, surrounded by an empty cafe, two half empty coffee cups on the table, and a notebook with a blue gel pen sitting on top of it. "Rule number one: no catching feelings." You were quick to say, writing it down, before looking up at Jay, seeing him nodding at the text.

“Rule number two; tell no one.” Jay added, seeing an odd look from you, as he spoke. “Don’t lie, I know you’ll tell Gaeul, and you and I both know, she can’t keep her mouth shut for anything.”

Nodding at his words, you quickly wrote it down. “Rule number three: no romantic shit.” You said, starting to write it down, only having the words rule number three down, when Jay’s hand stopped yours from writing.

Jay shook his head, grabbing your hand, stopping you after you had written down what rule you were on. “We have to do some of that romantic shit, as you put it, otherwise people won’t believe it. What about instead of ‘no romantic shit’, you put ‘only romantic shit when around others’.”

Shaking your head, you could not believe what he was saying, but you understood it to an extent. “What about, ‘romantic shit to an extent when others are around?” You proposed, seeing him nod his head, you quickly wrote it down.

“Rule number four: once all of this is over, we go back to hating each other, like none of it ever happened.” Jay suggested, watching as you wrote it down, before seeing you write rule number five, putting don’t fall in love again. “Why list that twice?” He questioned, just to see you shrug at the question. “Really helpful.” 

Signing the paper, allowing him to sign it, you folded it, placing it into a pocket in your folder, almost like it was a real contract. “I guess we need to learn some basic things about each other too while we are at it.” You said, finishing your coffee, just before Jay gets up to get himself a new coffee. 

That was how your day was spent, going over favorites, creating a backstory, making sure it was believable to others. “So, we hit it off after working together in a class last semester, kept a bit of a situationship before deciding to make it real this semester. We are still super competitive, but we don’t hate each other. Your favorite color is purple. You play the piano and guitar. Your favorite season is autumn. You enjoy cooking and playing video games.” You said, listing off the things you came up with, how you started to date, facts about him, and Jay did the same for you. As the cafe started to get more crowded, you realized how it was nearing noon, nearing the time that more and more students would be getting out. Noticing this, you decided to call it good for the day, allowing tomorrow to be your first official day dating.

"Hold my hand you dumbass." Was muttering under your breath, you attempting to slot your hand into Jay’s, as the two of you walked to class. The both of you slightly shivered as your hands finally intertwined, but luckily was invisible to the student eye, they instead saw a sweet couple walking hand in hand to class.

Jay had to resist the urge to grimace as his fingers intertwined with yours. “Your hand is sweaty.” He muttered under his breath, just loud enough you could hear it, but no others.

“And your hand is clammy.” You retorted back to him, allowing him to hold the door open, the two of you walking through the halls of the building your classes were in. Making your way to your classroom, you could tell other’s eyes were on you, but you honestly did not care, just happy at how the few underclassmen you had chasing you, were finally leaving you alone.

Entering the class, luckily it was empty, except for one person. One person who never comes early, but he could not resist the urge to see his favorite couple this early in the morning. “Oh, look at the lovebirds, even so enamored this early in the morning.” Beomgyu was quick to yell. Walking closer, you noticed that he had moved over into Jay’s seat, leaving his seat empty to allow Jay and yourself to sit together. “My favorite couple, making my heart swell with joy, I feel like cupid.” He started to ramble, running his mouth like he did shit in getting the two of you together. 

Sitting down, Jay followed quickly after, seated next to you. The two of you grabbed your things out, getting ready for class to start. At some point both of you were just ignoring Beomgyu, he was talking like he was a relationship god for getting you two together. Only hearing the odd word from him, you were able to put together that he was talking about starting a company, a dating company, getting paid to pair couples together, since he was the human version of cupid. 

You were ignoring him, until he started directly talking to you once more. “I’m just saying, I’m like a godly matchmaker, like if it wasn’t for me manifesting, you two wouldn’t be together. Like I manifested this, I could charge others and become a millionaire, you two being my first and favorite success story.” Beomgyu rambled on, like he had any part in this at all.

“Shut up, Beomgyu.” You were quick to tell him, having enough of this constantly rambling and talking. Holding his hands up, Beomgyu leaned back in his chair, causing you to ball your first, almost like you were planning on taking a swing at him. Shifting, Beomgyu was quick to lean as far back as he could, knowing you would not hit him, but not taking any chances. Jay was quick to catch your hand in his own, unfurling your curled fingers, and intertwining your hands. Starting to pull your hand out of his, a look of disgust almost coming over your face, you noticed the odd look from Beomgyu as he saw you moving, then the look upon Jay’s face, that made you just stop moving in all, staying still just accepting your fate. Staring down at your notebook on your desk, you slowly let out the breath you were holding out, trying to calm yourself. The last thing you needed to do was something stupid, since you knew if Beomgyu knew the truth, everyone on campus would within a matter of minutes.

Beomgyu was quick to make a soft noise, staring at the couple in front of his eyes. “Aw, don’t be shy, you two can hold hands in front of me, no need to be shy.” He started, thinking your reaction was shyness from him being there. “I am basically like your fairy godfather, so it’s okay, hold hands, sit together, kiss, it’s all good. I wish I was in love, seeing you two makes me want someone of my own.” Beomgyu started to talk again, going off topic with ease, going on and on about how he wants someone, how he actually thought Yujin was pretty hot, but she said he was not smart enough for her.

At some point, you were unable to hear Beomgyu anymore, the only thing on your mind being how Jongseong’s thumb was drawing small circles on your palm, just barely grazing the surface of your hand without a single thought. Despite the desire to rip your hand from his grasp, you knew what it would look like to the others, and the need to push the idea of this relationship, freed you from more things than you would gain from denying it. Since the rumor started there were no more weird guys in your direct messages suggesting tutoring sessions, that they hoped would turn into more. Jay was noticing something similar, since Yujin started the rumor, no longer did he receive the lingering stare of the single girls in the class, nor did he receive the whole spiel about how he was so handsome and so smart and they would like to go out with him. Despite the pain of the situation, the pros were outweighing the cons at this moment.

It was not long before your professor entered the classroom, her presence bringing all conversations to a stop as she started to teach. Only then did you let your hand drop from his, taking notes and making sure you document everything she said of importance. It felt odd, sitting in class next to Jay without the desire to argue with him, but honestly pretending to be with him was doing you more good than arguing with him would. The freedom you felt in this moment was nice, you were able to focus on the lecture and work, without the thoughts lingering in your head of the guys that would usually bother you within your social media. 

Class ended at exactly the moment the video the professor was playing ended, she had her presentation timed down to the minute for the most efficiency. Placing your items into your bag, you went to stand up, only to be met by Jay grabbing your bag from you, swinging it over his shoulder. Watching as your bag landed on top of his backpack, you had to stop yourself from physically recoiling at the action. The rational part of your brain begged you to rip the purple strap of your bag from his hand, telling you to carry it yourself, but seeing how you had already frozen at his actions, you tried to just push on. Finally standing, you followed him out of the classroom, luckily, or rather unluckily you had your next class with him; you actually had all your classes with him, the fun of being the same major with identical course loads. 

Walking besides him, fingers became intertwined, as your shoulders bumped together. Throughout the halls, you finally met a dead zone, no one being anywhere near the two of you, and the classes in that hall still being in session for a while more. “What kind of boyfriend would I be if I didn’t carry your stuff?” Jay was quick to whisper around your ear, seeing him glancing at you from the corner of his eye. 

Nodding, you found yourself understanding why he took it, but part of you wished he had not. “I have to disinfect it now since you’ve touched it.” Was all you replied back, continuing to walk alongside him. During this time, you thought about what led you to be in this situation, and how it seemed like the plot line of some b-rated drama. If anyone would have told you that you would be walking hand in hand with the person you considered your worst enemy, your biggest competition, Park Jongseong, you would have laughed in their face, and gone on with the rest of your day. Yet, despite the impossibility of that statement only a week ago, here you were doing just that. Finger intertwined, shoulders bumping together, with your bag slung over his shoulder, the two of you being a picture of a perfect college relationship, the kind of thing you would see a photo of on the instagram of someone who peaked in high school, yet thinks them and their significant other are the it couple of the campus.

Jay said nothing, just a slight laughing slipping through his lips, as he heard what you said. The rest of the walk was silent, until he opened the door to the next class for you. “After you,” he muttered as you walked past him, as he held the door open for you. The two of you quickly found your seats, placing your backpack on your table, before taking his seat behind you. 

The silence of you two being the first in the classroom however did not last, as Beomgyu entered the classroom, taking his usual seat beside you. Class started without fail, and leaving class was just as it was before. That was how your day went from then on, Jay carrying your bag as the two of you walked hand in hand towards your next class. Having all the same classes made it irritating, as you had no chance to get away from him, or have any bit of freedom without him being around. Beomgyu sitting near the two of you in each class made it even more insufferable, as he talked about being a fairy godfather and how he was a top tier matchmaker, when he did not match shit.

This routine became a standard for the upcoming days and weeks. Like clockwork, Jay would be waiting outside your apartment building, the two of you would walk from the apartments to the architecture building. You would walk to class, and then after class you would walk to your next, this would repeat until the end of the day, when Jay would walk you back to the apartments. Each day he carried your bag without fail, you even stopped making jokes about disinfecting your bag, each time he touched it. It felt odd letting him do it, he carried your bag with little complaint, not even your actual boyfriends had done that, each having some sort of complaint about the weight of your books, the size of your bag, and what was in it. Instead, Jay carried it without word, even when the two of you would meet up to work on your project, he carried it, even when you knew no one around went to the college, or knew who you were. He was being a better fake boyfriend than your real boyfriends had been boyfriends. It was irritating to think of how someone you hate, was somewhat treating you better than someone who claimed to love you. Despite the cute acts, the two of you still exchanged harsh words, academic arguments happened over rushed whispers, others thinking it was a loving couple exchanging sweet nothings and compliments, when instead it was really bragging about grades and competencies, pointing out each other’s flaws in detail, and letting one another know about failures and disappointments that the other brought about. 

Even as you met the requirement for meeting for your project, the fake dating continued, soon branching from just being while class was in session, to when around campus, and eventually when off campus as well. Lunch meetings, you refused to call them dates, became a regular occurrence; as did dinner meetings, and shopping meetings. The two of you genuinely looked like a perfectly put together couple, unknown to anyone that within the idyllic fantasy was two people who were practically strangers putting on the performance of their lives. This was how you ended up here, at a party.

You were never one for parties, preferring a small close knit party to a large frat rager. Yet, Jay having to attend these frequently, thanks to his friends Heeseung and Jake, brought up how odd it appeared for him to show up alone, and he could only say you were sick so many times, before the boys would start questioning things. This was how you ended up here, holding a half empty cup, Jay had sworn it was water, but part of you had yet to pull together the desire to test whether it was water or vodka. You were standing near Jay, his arm wrapped loosely around your waist, as he chatted away with his friends. As he noticed you standing uncomfortable, he shifted the two of you, and his conversation around, moving towards the open sofa and recliner in the living room of the frat house.

As Jay took a seat, he noticed you going to sit besides him, immediately stopping you. "Don't worry darling, you can sit on my lap.” Jay said aloud, pulling you into his lap in one harsh movement. “Gotta sell this to the people don't we?” He softly muttered in your ear, knowing that you and only you were able to hear that. Yet, it was true, it would be odd if the ‘oh so in love’ couple were sitting apart. It would lead to rumors, is there trouble in paradise, was paradise nonexistent, is the couple no longer a couple. These rumors would open the idea of too many things, most that would not bode well for either of you, so it was easier to pretend to be a cute in love couple, than be truthful.

Leaning back, you felt comfortable in his lap, despite every part of your rational brain telling you to stand up, get away from him, to not think he was comfortable to rest against. The smell of his cologne filled your nostrils, it was a warm and comforting scent, and you hated it, you should not like it, and it should not have grown comfortable to you. As the night drew on, you found yourself getting cold, having not dressed properly for the frat party, you had no jacket or coat to keep you warm. As Heeseung and Jake left to refill their cups, "I want your hoodie... to sell the dating lie,”  You told him, turning around, to look him in the face, knowing that it was honestly only partially a lie, you were cold and it would sell the dating lie, but you also wanted it since it smelled like his cologne, a scent you had grown to like, a scent that you should buy your future boyfriend, once this whole situation is over. 

“Next time dress properly,” Jay was first to say, almost like a mother scolding her child for not wearing a jacket when going outside in the cold weather. Yet, despite this, he easily slipped it off, helping you to slip it on over your head, and straightening it once you had it on. As he did this, one of the nearby drunk girls started to fawn over the two of you, her friend dragging her away as he lamented about how no guy would ever do that for her. 

The peace from Jay’s friends leaving was waning, as someone even more annoying showed up, Beomgyu. Sober Beomgyu was annoying as hell, so you could only imagine what sort of level of hell drunk Beomgyu would unlock, and you were not prepared for it, whatever it was. Beomgyu was quick to sit besides the two of you, he was practically sitting on Jay’s lap almost, as he tried to get closer and closer to the two of you. “Lookie here, it’s my favorite couple.” He started, each of the words slurred, and his speech drawn out. “You two little love birds, I love you both so fucking much.” He continued on, watching as the two of you looked at each other, the eye contact you shared being enough to egg him on further. “Oh, no, don’t let me interrupt this little lovers moment. You two just do your little lovers thing. I see you eyeing each other, you two can kiss in front of me, you can also do more, I wouldn’t judge, my sweet little love birds.” Beomgyu continued on, encouraging the two of you to kiss, at some point, he stopped talking, just staring, encouraging, almost as though he was waiting for it.

Despite how badly you wanted Beomgyu to leave the two of you alone, it seemed in his drunken state, the only thing that would get him to leave was the two of you doing exactly what he wanted, the two of you kissing. Despite your unspoken pleas and prayers, he did not leave, and instead you found yourself turning to Jay, unsure of what to say, yet, luckily Jay spoke instead. “I don’t think he’ll go until we kiss, just play along.” He whispered into your ear, receiving a short nod, before his lips were on yours. 

The kiss was more intense than the one you shared before, the one that started this whole mess, it was no longer just his lips pressed against yours, but yours were reciprocating. As your lips moved against each other, Beomgyu let a single gasp slip, he was absolutely enraptured in what the two of you were doing. As he reacted like a shocked movie goer, you felt Jay’s lips moving around, from your lips to your chin, but you found yourself unable to tell him to stop. Beomgyu’s gasp simply encouraged Jay’s actions, as he started to kiss along your neck, making his way down your throat. Eventually stopping at one specific spot, starting to suck along it, as your hands made their way into his hair. Tugging at the strands of hair, Beomgyu was not the only one caught up in the actions between you and your fake boyfriend, yells from Jay’s friends soon caught your attention, and at that he finally parted from your neck.

Resting your head on his shoulder, trying to hide the redness that was overtaking your face, you watched as the drunk spectators all went on. Beomgyu back to the kitchen for another drink, while Jake dragged Heeseung with him onto the dance floor. "Do you think they bought the act?" Came out as a breathless whisper, as you still tried to catch and retain a stable breath.

"While I kissed you down your throat? They definitely did, honey." Jay was quick to whisper back in your ear. His words were stable and steady, he was not as out of breath as you were after that, despite him being the one who did most of the action. 

As he spoke, only one thing came to mind,“This doesn’t change anything between us.” You were quick to whisper into his ear, wanting to make sure to establish a boundary, a line, that no matter how many times you may have to do this, it changes nothing. He is your fake boyfriend, you are his fake significant other, and that is all you are to each other. Your words were more for yourself than him, a reminder to yourself, since you were finding yourself able to bear his presence. A presence you honestly would have only weeks ago hated being around. 

Sensing a shift in the mood, Jay was quickly to get you standing, before he led you towards the roof. Finally getting away from everyone, you felt the freedom to be yourself, as did he. Yet, somehow instead of staying apart on opposite ends of the roof, you found yourself standing next to him. Staring up at the stars, the night sky was gorgeous when the common light pollution from the surrounding buildings was not obscuring it. 

The silence with him was oddly comforting. Just the two of you, the cool breeze, the scent of his cologne in the air, and billions of stars illuminating the contours of each other’s faces. It was not long before Jay’s voice broke the silence, he started to point out different stars, different constellations, and explain some of them to you. It was odd, in the two years of classes you had with him, you would have never guessed he had a secret love for astronomy. Yet, you were not complaining, your eyes just following his pointing, observing the stars as he pointed out everything. “I would have never guessed you loved astronomy.” Was muttered, just barely heard by Jay.

Shifting his hand from one star to the next, he heard your words, just barely audible over the sound of the rushing wind. “Did you ever care to ask?” He murmured back to you, allowing the topic to drop, as he continued to tell you more about constellations. “There are also some we can’t see without a telescope, like the Perseus and Andromeda constellations.” He started, shifting so he was laying against the roof, tugging your sleeve, pulling you down with him, before he continued. “Princess Andromeda was the daughter of Queen Cassiopeia, she was very beautiful, so beautiful that the Queen proclaimed her more beautiful than Poseidon’s daughters. Poseidon, not liking that, decided to punish them, sending a sea monster, Andromeda’s own father, King Cepheus thought that if they sacrificed her, the sea monster would go away. However, before the sea monster could devour her, Perseus saw her, falling in love with her at first sight. An agreement was made, he would kill the sea monster, and in turn would have her hand in marriage. Yet, she had already been promised to another man, he fought for her and won, then boom happily ever after.” He told you, unbeknownst to you, it was his favorite constellation and story, it was one that had loved since the moment his mother told him the story when he was young. His mother had a love of astronomy as well, teaching him everything she knew, his own favorite constellation, being hers as well. 

Laying on the ground, Jay’s arm around your shoulders, keeping your head from resting on the dirty ground. Despite the chill of the wind, it felt comfortable, you felt comfortable, he was oddly comforting as he spoke about the constellations. It was interesting, you could tell when it was one he liked, he spoke with more conviction, with more joy, he enjoyed the topic more, than he did when talking about the generic ones he did not like as much. Your head rested on his shoulder, eyes still staring straight up, captivated by the twinkling and shining stars above your head. So many thoughts came to mind as you observed the stars, yet, none of them slipped past your lips, instead you enjoyed the silence, enjoying the moments before you would return to the party.

It was Jay who broke the silence, his voice soft, you barely heard him, and even then, you still think you misheard him. “You think we’ll end up falling in love.” The words were quiet, not even entirely audible, but he honestly did not care if you heard him, nor did you care whether you heard him properly.

At his words, you found yourself getting up quickly, reaching a hand out to him, to help him up. “I think we should go.” You were hastily saying, wanting to get out of here. The ideas flooding your mind were not welcome, and after spending the day with him, you just wanted to be all alone to suffer with the thoughts going on in your mind. 

Instead of standing, he just stared at you, the stars illuminating the area behind you, broadcasting you like some sort of beauty, but he could only wish it was someone he actually loved standing in front of him, not you. It took a few moments before Jay stood, the two of you making your way out of the party, ignoring the calls and yells from his friends and Beomgyu. Leaving the party, a sudden wave of fatigue hit you, Jay walked you to your apartment, before leaving to go to his own. 

As you found yourself falling into your bed, the thoughts of what had happened tonight flooded your mind. The thoughts flowing through your mind at lightning speed, before you eventually found yourself lulled to sleep.

After that night, you found yourself oddly enough getting closer and closer to the male, becoming accustomed to his presence, feeling uncomfortable when not around him, it was almost like you were really dating. It was just like a friendship was being formed,or something, you were unsure what exactly it was. No longer did your time alone consist of bickering constantly, but instead it was filled with actual conversation, sharing interest, and more than just bragging and arguing.

This was how you ended up with him sitting at your kitchen table on this Sunday afternoon. You two may have already met the requirement for in person meetings for your project, but the desire to go above and beyond by both of you, made that requirement nothing more than a simple number. Both of you had easily gone over that number, sometimes even meeting twice in one day to work on the project, both destined to get the highest score possible on this assignment. It was on this day that you were working on the display aspect of your project. 

Two days prior both of you had raided the supply closet, taking just exactly what you needed for your display, to make the perfect model of a modern art museum and the surrounding garden. Jay sat trimming down little fake bushes, starting to create the outline of the garden, while you sat attempting to open another package of fake plants. The utility knife you were using made quick work of the thick tape keeping the package closed, but it also made quick work of your hand, slicing your palm as you made a quick downward movement, not closing the blade quick enough. A pained gasp came from your mouth, as you dropped the knife, it closed before hitting the floor with a sound. Trying to hold your hand, attempting to stop the bleeding, the action was caught by the person sitting across from you.

"Why did you hurt yourself?" Jay was quick to say, his body moving around the table towards you with speed. He quickly grabbed your hand, the napkins on the table from your midwork snack, quickly being pressed against the wound, as he tried to stop the bleeding.

Watching as Jay tended to your injury, you found yourself trying to tug your hand out of his. “It’s not that bad.” Was what you said first, but he did not listen to you in any capacity, just continuing to apply pressure to the cut. "None of your-" 

Jay’s grip on your hand did not leave, he instead started to steer you towards the sink in your kitchen. Luckily it was only a few feet from the kitchen table that you two were seated at working. "Yeah, then fuck you. My bad for caring." He said without much thought, starting the sink, allowing the water to stream out. Removing the napkins, he pulled your hand under the water starting to wash out the cut, while seeing how deeply you had injured yourself. 

"For an asshole, you make a pretty good boyfriend." fell from your lips as he cleaned the injury out. Taking care of you like someone who genuinely cared for you would. It was odd, no one was here to see his actions, but he still gently tended to you, cleaning out the cut before starting to get ready to bandage up your hand, once you pointed him towards the first aid kit you kept in the kitchen. 

As he made sure you would not bleed out on your floor, he finally released your hand, leaning against the counter of your kitchen, looking at you, before grabbing the kit. “I could say the same about you.” Jay was honestly a bit surprised at how well this had been working, how easily you two played the part, your Oscar worthy performances tricking everyone around you.

You would never admit it, it would hurt your ego and probably inflate his, but sometimes you wished it was not fake. The enjoyment of being around him, how he genuinely listened to you and gingerly treated you, he was a better boyfriend than your actual ex boyfriends were. You found yourself wishing when he would kiss your cheek, that he was doing it out of love, not because Yujin was staring. You found yourself wishing when he was carrying your backpack to and from class, that it was actually because he was your boyfriend, not because he was just playing the part. It hurt sometimes, hearing the comments from others about how perfectly matched the two of you were. Both overachievers, getting degrees in architecture, and a desire to be top of the class; so many similarities, of course the two of them would fall in love, but you genuinely wished that look of love others claimed to see was real.

Resting against the counter, you sat on the marble tile as he started to bandage your hand. When it started, holding his hand felt like nothing, you could only feel how sweaty and clammy his hand was, but as the days turned to weeks, it felt more comforting, almost like maybe it was where your hand belonged. You would never admit it to him, the thought that you felt maybe you were falling for him, maybe you were no longer feeling that hatred and pain you once felt for and around him, but instead you felt a slight tinge of joy when walking hand in hand with him, when seeing his face seated next to you in class. Sometimes you even find yourself getting lost while thinking of the idea of his face, the idea of his lips against yours once again, the idea of this all coming to end sometimes soon and the pain you would hold afterwards.

It was not long before Jay had finished tending to your hand. “And there you go.” he muttered, before helping you down from the counter where you sat. His hands felt natural around your waist, as he picked you up before putting you back down. You enjoyed the feeling far too much, way more than you should. You should hate the idea of his hands on you, the idea of his arms wrapping around your waist and holding you close, but you did not, you could not even if you tried. 

You were the one who so vehemently demanded the to add the rule about not falling in love, so passionate about it, you added it twice, it being rule number one and number five on the singular piece of paper that bound the two of you together. You just wanted to say fuck the rules, fuck the paper, and fuck the feelings you were having. Weeks ago you would have thought your dazzling personality would enrapture this man enough to fall in love with you, someone he would never have. But instead, here you were the one breaking your own rule, finding yourself falling in love with someone you would never have, since one day all this would be over, you would say the contract is finished, and he would go happily upon his way, and you would do the same. Yet, he would be a lot happier seeing this end, than you would be. 

Sitting back down, Jay took the packages, instead handing you the ones that were already open. “So that doesn’t happen again.” He explained, starting to empty the boxes so you can work on the project without the risk of injuring yourself again. 

The project was one that was simple enough to complete, the museum had already been built from foam, and all you had to do was arrange it and the garden. The afternoon quickly turned into evening, and soon you were putting the finishing touches onto the display, and it was ready to be presented to your professor. Having already completed all the written work, it meant that your project for this money was complete. You may have hated it to start, but you were thankful that partners were for the rest of the semester, not just this project, since at least it meant you had two more months to enjoy this treatment, to enjoy being with Jay, before it would all probably come to an end. 

As Jay placed the display on the island of your kitchen counter, it was odd, there was a knock at the door. You were in the midst of putting everything up, about to tell him to grab his stuff so he could leave. Moving away from the table, you did not even make it to the door before it flew open. Standing there was your mother, a person who had your spare key against your better judgment. 

“My baby,” The older woman said, kicking her shoes off with speed, before crossing the few feet that separated the two of you, pulling you into a hug. At that action, you were unable to move, just letting her hug you as much as she wished. After a moment, she finally released you, looking around, a gasp slipping out of her mouth with ease, as she sees Jay’s shoes sitting on the ground by your shoes. “You have someone over?” She was quick to ask, just as Jay exited the kitchen, coming to look for you.

The scene was an odd one, your mother fawning over Jay, just assuming he was your boyfriend without much word from you. “This must be the young man that Beomgyu set you up with.” Your mother said, but you were stunned at her words, unable to speak. “He’s such a lovely young man, he told his mother all about how he was playing matchmaker and set you up with such an amazing young man. His mother told me all about it at our monthly hair appointment.” 

Honestly, you should have expected that much, Beomgyu did believe he was some sort of relationship god and that he manifested the relationship between Jay and yourself. You also should have expected your mother to find out about it sooner or later, after all she was best friends with Beomgyu’s mom, that being a large reason why you were somewhat friends with the odd person. Sheer panic set in, you wondering just what he had told his mother, and just how she twisted those words in telling your own mother. 

Jay was oddly able to sense the stress you felt from this situation, and reacted accordingly. Seeing the woman that he overheard call you their baby, he assumed this was your mother, and seeing how she seemed to know about the fake relationship, he acted accordingly. “Yes, I’m Jay, their boyfriend.” He said with ease, walking closer, sticking out his hand to your mother, however your mother was quick to pull him into a hug, squeezing him just as she did to you.

“Oh, if I knew you were here with your boyfriend, I would have come on a different day to visit you.” Your mother started, finally letting Jay go, acting as though she would have come another day, when you know she really would have come today, just probably at an earlier time. “I was going to take you out to dinner, but I may as well just take you both, my little love birds.” She said, as she eyed the two of you, going as far as to send a wink your way. You knew from that alone that you were in for an earful later, she was probably never going to shut up about how handsome and polite he was, or about how he was nicer in the five minutes she knew him than your ex’s were.

Jay was quick to shake his head, starting to refuse the offer, starting to come up with some lie so that he could leave, but seeing the look on your mother’s face, he knew it would not work. “Um, sure, why not. I have no objections, Mrs.” He said, his hand slipping into yours with ease, watching as you nodded your head.

Your mother was quick to notice his action, a smile quickly coming upon her face. “Oh goody, come on children,” She started, turning on her heel to go towards the door once more, “and don’t call me Mrs. just call me mom,” she added, conveniently stopping herself from saying since she’d be his mother in law soon, despite how badly she wanted to, slipping her shoes back on before opening the door. “Let’s go, mimosas wait for no one.” She said, stepping out of the apartment, waiting on the two of you.

This was how you ended up sitting next to Jay, while your mother sat across from you, leading the conversation. She went on and on about what she was doing in life, her job and everything, especially mentioning everything she had heard from Beomgyu’s own mother about his matchmaking abilities. She then turned the conversation onto Jay, doing her best to get the ‘get to know the parents’ conversation out of the way. He spoke with her with ease, it made you slightly saddened watching the two of them speak, she was getting along better with Jay than she had any of your other ex’s, and this was not even a real relationship for this level of attention. When you agreed to fake date Jay, you never thought that it would lead to the two of you having a nice dinner with your mother, and it was oddly going great. 

As the three of you started to wrap everything up, Jay excused himself for a moment. During this time, your mother wasted no time starting to talk. “Oh my gosh, he’s so nice and polite. You really picked a good one this time, unlike your ex’s. He’s so handsome too, like oh my I’m going to have to tell Beomgyu’s mom all about this, she’ll be so proud her little boy set you up with such an amazing man. And you two are the same major and all, and he’s just as passionate about it as you are. I just think it’s a match made in heaven.” Your mother rambled, she honestly would have continued, had it not been for her seeing Jay on his way back to the table. Sending a quick wink to you, she stood, and you followed, the three of you making your way back towards your apartment after she paid. 

"I'm pretty sure my mom likes you way more than any of my actual partners." Was the first thing out of your mouth, once Jay and yourself were safely within the confines of your apartment. It was honestly ridiculous, the first one of your boyfriends that your mom likes, is the one that is not really your boyfriend. Every other one she had some sort of complaint about, he was too work oriented, he was too controlling, he was lazy, he was uncaring, he was rude. But she had not a complaint for Jay, instead she spilled out compliments, he is committed to his school work, he is passionate about architecture, he is kind, he is polite, and he is handsome. 

To your dislike, laughter was all you heard from Jay for a moment. “I guessed that,” he said through his laughter. “The way she couldn’t even wait until I was out of earshot, before she started talking. What was it she said again? ‘Oh, he’s so handsome and polite, unlike your usual boyfriends’.” He said, recalling the exact words your mother had said only minutes prior to the three of you leaving the restaurant. 

“Ugh, don’t remind me.” You muttered, walking through the living room, you found yourself sitting on your sofa. The scene felt too comfortable, like the man in front of you was not someone you would have argued with and yelled at only weeks prior. The comfortable feeling you gained around Jay was not on your list of things that might happen, it was not even anywhere near the list. Repeating the mantra in your head, you were the one after all that added ‘no catching feelings’ to the list, not just once, but twice. 

Jay laughed at your words, still in the process of removing his own shoes, just as you had. “Oh, don’t worry, I will.” He jokingly said, following you without a word into the living room. He went to sit beside you, the tone in the room completely shifting, he watched as you shot up, sitting straight, causing him to look around, remembering where was. He was not with his friends, he was at your apartment, and he needed to leave. “I think I’ll head out.”

“I think you should go.” You spoke at the exact same time as he did, both seeming to realize where you were, the tone of the room was no longer jovial and happy, it was awkward and unsure. You were unsure of whether you wanted to really go, but you had already spoken, already told him to leave. You were also unsure how he would react if you asked him to stay, would he say no and leave or would he laugh in your face, or maybe he would catch on and make fun of you for possibly breaking one of the few rules you had outlined for this. 

Jay was quick to nod his head, bag in his hand, and he was out your door before you could think of anything else. Standing up, you were fast to follow him, closing the door behind him, locking it, before leaning against it. Staring at the beige wall across from the door, you tried to compose yourself, but failed. Back against the door, slumping down, you found yourself sitting on the floor. Soon your hands were covering your face, soft sobs coming from your mouth as the events of today and the past few weeks finally fully started to be interpreted in your mind. The soft sobs quickly turned to full sobs, your shirt becoming tear soaked quickly, unable to stop the tears from falling.

The thoughts of the feelings you felt holding his hand, kissing him on the cheek, him kissing your cheek, it was all too much. He would carry your bag, he would always wrap an arm around you, he would walk you to and from classes, even carrying your stuff when you would work at the cafe or library instead of letting you. It was too real, it felt too real, you wanted it to be real. The realization that you never really hated him, was a tough one. You two were always nothing more than rivals, encouraging each other to do better, to get higher scores, to try to outdo the other. He was so much like you, you had the same passion for your chosen field, enjoyed all the paperwork and crafting, and had the same desire to be the best. This whole situation was not something you would have thought would happen, you were usually happily fine just competing with him, not having to be around him except in class. Yet, finally admitting to yourself what you felt was difficult, but the worst part was knowing he did not and would not feel the same. Your mother loved him, you felt like at some point you would love him as well, but he would never love you. 

Hands intertwined, you found yourself being walked from class to the library, once again the two of you meeting to make sure your project was finalized. If the events of the past few months were odd, no longer were you arguing and yelling, instead the conversations consisted of teasing and light bickering. No longer did the two physically cringe when your hands met, instead you silently reveled in the feeling, how his hand enveloped yours and felt within your grasp. Enjoying how he would lead you around the campus with ease, hands intertwined, swinging to and fro as you walked side by side. 

The end of the semester was coming, and you thought that it would mean the end of whatever was going on between Jay and yourself as well. The semester would end, the fake dating would end, all the feelings you had towards him would be pushed aside, and the next semester you would come back and fall back into your pattern of being rivals and hating one another. At the start of this agreement, you genuinely could not wait for it to be over, but now as it was nearing its end, you wished for it to continue. Struggling with the realization of your feelings towards Jay, even fake dating him was better than nothing, and you would rather continue doing that, than having nothing from him. 

Faking dating him was better than being nothing more than a rival to him. The feelings you felt you wished would just disappear, push them into the back of your mind like they never existed, like they had never existed. Soon you will go back to just being a rival with him, the only thing connecting the two of you is the desire to outdo the other, the need to score higher, to do better, to be the best. The warm feeling flooding your chest when you held hands, would be gone. The joy you felt from just spending time with him, even if it was nothing more than doing homework together. The happiness that would overcome your being, just from the small things he would do when with you. Meeting him in the morning, him having gotten you your favorite morning drink, would stop. He always carrying your favorite snacks in his bag, for mid study session snacks, would no longer be there. He remembered and always ordered your favorite pastries, when the two of you would work at the cafe, would be gone. Most of all, he walking you to and from class, making sure you got home safe, and constantly checking in on you throughout the day, would stop.

As the two of you rode in the elevator, Jay could sense something was wrong. There was no conversation flowing, there were no witty remarks, and there was nothing going on between the two of you. “Hey,” His voice was soft, as he caught your attention, his hand coming up, tilting your face up to look at him. “What’s wrong?” He asked, his thumb starting to stroke your cheek. “Do you not feel well?” He added. As you attempted to shake his hand off your face, he however stood there, not moving. “Hey, tell me what’s wrong. If you don’t feel well, we can finalize the project on another day. I can take you back to your apartment, we can get you your favorite tea, and just take a rest day.” 

"You're not my boyfriend, why do you keep saying romantic and caring things?” You were unable to stop the first thought in your mind from slipping past your lips. Immediately after, you gasped, realizing what you had said. 

Jay however did nothing more than laugh, hearing your words. "So... you think I'm romantic and caring.” He replied with ease, a smirk starting to come upon his face, at your words. 

“No,” Immediately slipped from your mouth, attempting to answer him and defend yourself. “I just…” Unable to think of a reply, with all the thoughts in your mind, none of them came out. There was no one around, so why was he being so sweet to you? Why did he always do this, getting you coffee and tea in the mornings, getting you snacks, making sure you were alright. These were things a boyfriend would do, which he was not yours, and a fake boyfriend would not do these things in private. Jay not only did those things around others, but also when it was just the two of you. He would always say some bullshit about how he likes to be consistent, but consistency was making your heart skip a beat, consistency was making the butterflies in your stomach go crazy, consistency was making you feel things for him that you should not be feeling for him.

Luckily, you were saved by the elevator doors opening, unable to respond, and instead just listening to his laughter, before he pulled you from the elevator, over to your usual table. The past few days had gotten harder and harder to spend time with him without the feelings flooding your mind taking over all rational thought. It was getting to the point that you were unable to spend time with him, without wishing this was real, that the way he held your hand was genuine, that the way he spoke to you was all you ever wanted in the world. He was so sweet and romantic and caring, but it was not real, it was not actually a relationship, despite how badly you wished it was. 

“Hey, if you don’t feel well, we can just raincheck today?” Jay’s voice breaks your train of thought, he watches as you shake your head.

You did not want to let him know what was going on, and instead just put a smile on your face, wanting to get this day over with. “I’m fine, let’s just finish this up and then we can go our separate ways.” You suggested.

Jay was quick to look around as he heard your words. “Let’s finish the last parts of the project, and then I think we need to go to the cafe, to talk about our, you know, situation.” The finalization of your project was completed with ease, just making sure that each and every part of the rubric was answered and all ready to be turned in. 

As the both of you had checked the last question on the paper, making sure it was answered, you started to pack up your supplies, ready to leave, to finally get back to your apartment. However, you were unable to get all of your things packed, before Jay’s voice caught your attention. “Hey, let’s go to the cafe, we need to discuss something. Then I’ll walk you home, okay?” He said, and you only nodded, just wanting to get this day over with.

Once again, you were hand in hand with him, Jay holding your backpack, as you walked across campus with him to the cafe. As you took a seat in your usual spot,the secluded table at the corner, you waited for Jay. It was hard to keep yourself from smiling as he put down your favorite drink. He always remembered all these little things. These were things that even your ex’s would not remember, your favorite drink, food, snack, and just everything. Despite the desire to enjoy the moment, you left the drink where it sat, looking up at Jay. “What did you want to talk about?” 

Jay was sipping at his coffee when he heard your voice, deciding he might as well just get to the point. “I know we said that we should just do this until the end of the semester, but I think it might be good for us to continue after coming back from winter break.” He was quick to say. “I just think it would be best, like Yujin and her friends have been leaving me alone, and I know the freshmen aren’t bothering you, and I just think it would be best for us to continue. I mean, I feel like we don’t hate each other as much anymore, and just don’t you feel better without having to worry about them. We can just continue and then maybe once Yujin latches onto someone else, we can end it.” He offered.

Nodding your head, you found yourself agreeing without even thinking about it. “Yet, I guess that makes the most sense.” You said without a single thought in your head, you were trying to not think about this. Trying not to think about how his hand would hold yours, how he would kiss your cheek, and how he would say the sweetest words to you without much thought. Trying not to think about how much it would hurt hearing those words knowing he did not really mean it, holding his hand knowing he would rather be holding someone else’s hand, and feeling his lips on your cheek knowing it was only there for show. 

You watched as Jay responded with nothing more than a nod, sipping at his drink once more. The silence was usually comfortable, yet, you found yourself uncomfortable. Sipping at your drink, trying to finish it a bit quicker than you usually would have, wanting nothing more than to leave. As you quickly finished the drink, you stood, grabbing your bag, throwing it over your shoulder, before Jay could try to grab. “Take your time, I’m just gonna head out.”

Jay was fast to stand, watching as you started to grab your stuff. “Hey, I’ll walk you back.” He said, starting to grab his own things, it was odd how you wanted to leave so quickly, but he did not question it. 

Shaking your head, stepping away, ready to go. “No, it’s fine. Just enjoy your coffee, I just want a moment alone.” You tried to assure him, watching as Jay slowly nodded, before he slowly sat down, deciding not to fight you on this. Leaving the cafe, the walk back to your apartment was lonely, you were accustomed to Jay being beside you, his pace always slowed down to meet your pace. As you walked, you had time to think, the thoughts of everything flooded your mind. The thoughts of what you had agreed to, and how it was affecting you, only months ago you would have not enjoyed just being with Jay, only months ago you would have not wanted to be around Jay, and only months ago you would have not been falling for Jay.

December came and went with little fanfare. The project was done, presented, and graded with a wonderful score of ninety-eight. Winter came and went, the break being far to short, before it was time to resume classes. The weeks you had away from campus gave you time to think about everything that was going on, and think you did. However, you came to no conclusions, instead every single thought helped you in no way at all. As winter break came and left, you found yourself back on campus, falling back into the routine you had with Jay from the semester before.

Being the same major, having the same classes, and the same professors meant that the two of you were often together. It was routine for you two at that point, Jay picking you up from your apartment, walking to campus with you, walking you to class, and then at the end of the day walking you back to your apartment. It was hard to pretend like everything was alright, especially like the whole relationship was nothing more than your contract. 

It was almost the end of January when the two of you went out to your first part, from being back on campus after winter break. Of course it was a frat party, once again Heeseung and Jake talked Jay into coming to the party, and he only agreed if you were to come with him. Parties were still not your thing, specifically frat parties. The faint smell of body odor, the faint stickiness of all the surfaces, and the loud booming edm music playing through the speakers; it was just not what you enjoy, but you were here for Jay, not yourself.

Sitting in his lap, after he said some shit about saving a seat for the others, felt odd. You would rather be sitting alone, maybe five feet away from him, or even just in a total other room, that way you would not be feeling these butterflies in your stomach at how his hands held you around your stomach. “I need some air.” You said to Jay, before prying his hands from you, and standing up, quickly going out the door. The stuffiness of the room was too much, the feeling of him holding you was too much, and the thoughts in your mind were too much. Leaning against the porch fencing, you found yourself sitting on the ground, trying to calm yourself, knowing you would have to go back into the party at some point or people would ask questions. 

However, you were unable to relax too much, since after only three minutes, Jay was slipping out of the door to rejoin you. “Hey, are you okay?” He asked, sitting on the porch, right besides you. “If you don’t want to be here, we can leave.” He offered. “You also don’t have to come with me to the parties, if you don’t want to.” He added. Jay would never admit it, however he did not want you to be uncomfortable, and he felt bad for having you come with him, since you were obviously not enjoying yourself here. He was not one for these large parties either, but someone had to keep Jake and Heeseung from themselves, and until their other Sunghoon made it here, it was Jay that had that task.

Shaking your head, you leaned against the fence, just closing your eyes. “No, it’s fine. You can go back in, don’t worry about me.” You were quick to tell him, but had you been looking, you would have seen the look on his face that told you he would not stop worrying, and he would honestly probably worry more.

“Hey, let’s go.” Jay said, standing up, offering you his hand, deciding if you were not going to tell him what was going on, then he would take you elsewhere. “Heeseung and Jake will be fine until Sunghoon gets here, it’ll only be like ten minutes, what’s the worst they can do in that time, shave their heads? They wouldn’t, they couldn’t pull off being bald.” 

Looking up at Jay, you found yourself laughing, before finally giving him your hand, letting him help you up. Jay was fast to lead you through the house, out of the house, and then down towards the close convenience store. “Thank you.” You muttered, unknown to you whether you heard him or not. 

“It’s okay, but you need to tell me if you don’t want to be places. I’d rather leave than make you stay somewhere you don’t want to be.” Jay told you, leading you over to the outdoor table, outside the convenience store. “Stay right here, I’ll be right back.” he said, pushing you into one of the seats.

Sitting down, you watched as Jay went into the store. Not even ten minutes later, he exited, bag and two bowls in hand. Jay had set one down in front of you, looking at it, you noticed it was your favorite ramen. That bowl was soon followed by a bottle of your favorite drink, and then a bag of your favorite snacks. “Thank you.” You said to Jay, watching as he already started to eat his ramen, he encouraged you to do the same.

“Honestly, I don’t really like frat parties either.” Jay started, as he watched you start eating. “Honestly, if it wasn’t for  Heeseung and Jake needing someone to keep them from doing stupid things, I wouldn’t go either. I probably haven’t told you about why they need to be babysat when they drink, have I?” Jay continued, as he ate his own food. “So once, they were both completely shitfaced, like drunk off their asses, and they got this great idea, well great to them. They decided to go get matching tattoos. They found some shady little place that was still open, and got matching tattoos. They somehow thought it was a great idea to get brothers tattooed on each other, but they misspelled what they wanted, so instead of saying brothers, it says bothers.” As he told you, Jay found himself happy, watching as you started laughing at his story, it was one of the first times in a while he had seen you genuinely happy. He was unsure what was going on, but he did not like it, despite the fact he would have not admitted it to you. 

Listening to him, you found yourself laughing. Oddly enough, the tattoos saying bothers instead of brothers made sense as well, since Heeseung and Jake were both a bother to many people. “I can’t believe that’s why they need a babysitter.” You muttered, looking down as you noticed that you had finished your ramen, the snack and drink being soon to follow. 

It was not long before both of you had finished everything, and Jay started to help you clean up, throwing all the trash away. “I guess I’ll get headed home.” You said, as Jay spoke.

“Wait right here for a moment.” Jay said, standing, and heading back into the store.

Watching as he walked away, you decided maybe the night did not need to come to an end so soon, and instead waited for him. Soon he returned, bag in hand, and soon your hand was in his other hand. He started to lead you towards your apartment, but you somehow knew that you were not going there.

Jay led you through the streets, going towards the park that was near your apartment. “I want to show you something.” He said, taking you through the streets, towards the grassy knolls of the park. It only took about ten minutes of walking more, before he found where he was taking you. 

Soon, you were in an open field, the close street lights were blocked by tree cover, and the only light illuminating the area was the cloudless sky. As you were staring up at the stars, seeing how clear and beautiful the sky was, Jay was busy opening the bag, spreading the blanket he had bought out on the ground, sitting down, before grabbing your hand, to get you to do the same. “This is what you bought.” You muttered, before sitting down next to him. Soon, your back was on the blanket, staring up at the stars, as Jay did the same.

As you started to stare up at the sky once more, Jay started pointing out the constellations, with you starting to point out the ones that you remembered. Had you turned to see Jay’s face at that moment, you would have seen him staring at you, instead of the sky, enamored with the fact that you remembered them from all those weeks ago when he told you about them for the first time. As you explained what you recalled from all those nights ago, Jay found himself fading into sleep. Noticing how quiet he was, you sat up, being sure not to wake him. “All those weeks ago you asked if I thought we would fall in love. I don’t know about you, but I know I have.” You whispered, finally having the confidence to admit it, after the wonderful night you had with him, yet you knew you were screwed, since he would never love you back. 

You allowed him to rest for a few minutes more, observing his features. Maybe you were attempting to memorize his face just in case things went back, really for when things went bad. He would be your one that got away, but did he really get away if he never loved you back. After about ten minutes, you started to shake his shoulder, waking him. As he woke, soon the two of you were headed back towards your apartments, all while you decided you needed to do something, to let him know you really feel, so he can reject you, and you can move on from these feelings.

"I hate this so much. So much. How'd you talk me into this again?" Jay’s voice said, looking around at the pink, white, and red decorations with disgust. He was never one for any of the school events they held, off campus events, and even the frat parties to this. 

A laugh left your lips as you dragged him alongside you. He did not want to be here, but alas here he was, by your side, despite his dislike of these events. “Come on, lighten up. We had to come, Beomgyu invited us to join him and his girlfriend of the moment.” You started to tell him, laughing as he groaned, knowing he would have to deal with Beomgyu outside of class today. “Also it’s a holiday for lovers, Beomgyu would have questions if we didn’t show up.” You reminded him, keeping up appearances, to the others, you had been dating for almost six months, it would have been odd if you did not come to this event. While you had other motives for inviting him, you let him believe that it was just because of Beomgyu’s invitation. 

Meeting up with Beomgyu and his girlfriend of the month, was quick, the two of you quickly going off on your own, leaving him and his girlfriend on their own. Jay may have hated college hosted events, but he honestly did not hate it as much, when he was accompanying you. Sitting at a table, you watched as Jay enjoyed some of the provided foods, while he might hate these events, the food was not that bad, and your company made it almost worth coming. 

The night drew on, the two of you dancing and enjoying your time together. It was not long before you had dragged him out of the party, into the impeccably decorated flower garden the university had prepared for the event. Walking through the maze-like garden, the two of you found yourself besides a flower wall. The pink, white, and red roses aligned for the perfect couples photograph.

Jay had to stop himself from laughing at the scene, the flower wall being nothing more than a backdrop for couples to take cute photographs, looking towards you, he easily spoke up. "If this is some plot to confess your undying love for me, you could've just said so." Jay’s voice cut through the silence, easily capturing your attention, reminding you that you were not alone. His voice held a teasing tone, like he was about to make some snarky comment about where the two of you were standing. 

It was in that moment that you decided you had enough. You had enough of your heart skipping a beat, enough of the butterflies in your stomach going crazy, enough of your feelings that you tried so hard to suppress. Deciding to put it all out there, to risk it all, either you would leave knowing he feels the same way you do, or you would leave embarrassed, knowing you were the only one to break a rule. “And what if it is?” You muttered, watching as he simply placed his hands on your waist, pulling you closer. Looking around, there were few people in the area, most were leaving the event, but it still automatically reminds you of his keeping up appearances statement from so many weeks ago. "Are you faking it-" You started to ask him, voice soft so only he could hear, expecting nothing more than for him to agree, to play the part of the sweet couple sharing a kiss in the middle of the Valentine’s Day event. 

It was unexpected when his lips met yours. Being quick to kiss him back, you were unsure how long the two of you stayed there, the scene being one out of a movie. "I can't seem to fake anything when it comes to you, love.” Jay muttered against your lips, his hand moving from the side of your waist, to behind your neck. “I can never seem to fake anything when it comes to you.” He added, before fully reconnecting his lips with yours once more.

The kiss however was broken shortly after, moving back from Jay, looking up at him. “Tell me you are telling the truth.” You softly said, looking up at him. “I don’t know if I could handle it if you tell me later that this was all for show. If saying you love me was all for show.” You muttered, just thinking about how easily that would break you, here you were opening your heart up for him, confessing how you felt, and if afterward he said it was all to make the fake dating seem better, it would break you more than you would care to verbalize, to tell him. He could destroy your heart with ease, and all you could do is hope he feels the same way as you do.

“It’s the truth,” Jay started, grabbing your hands, pulling yourself closer to him once more. “Nothing but the truth.” Was added, his lips making contact with yours once more. His hands wrapped around your waist, your hands coming up to his neck, one intertwining into his hair, tugging him closer to you, as though close was not even close enough. 

The kiss however was quickly ruined, as an annoying voice was heard from behind the two of you. “Your mom will just love this photo.” Beomgyu said, somehow having found his way to you, taking a photo, sending it to his mother to show your mother. 

Jay and yourself were quick to reply. “Shut up Beomgyu.” Was said in tandem, voices overlapping one another’s, causing laughter to come from you, as Jay shot the male that was only feet away a dirty look. Putting his attention back onto you, Jay was quick to lean back down, your lips finally meeting once more, knowing that despite your original thoughts, it was not only you who broke a rule, and maybe it was for the best in the end.

[seungkwanslowqualityenglish]

Fox's Fate

✿ Synopsis: Befriending a small fox leads to a life changing turn of events, not only for you, but also for him. The fox being a kitsune, and he becomes just as attached to you, as you are to him. Not everything is what it seems, but does it really matter, after all you are happier now than you were before.

✿ Who: Takayama Riki / Taki (&Team) & Gender Neutral Reader ✿ Word Count: 8408 Words ✿ Genre: Angst/Fluff ✿ Warnings: Explicit language, arson, amnesia, murder, car accident, and identity theft. ✿ Request: No ✿ Enjoy.

Feet hit the harsh rocks, he ran through the darkened alleyway, the yelling fading behind him, the footsteps that followed him eventually stopping. The shop owner had not taken well to the orange and white creature rifling through his trash cans, he was only on the search for food. Usually the large fluffy tail of his was enough to distract people, they would become enamored by the fluffy thing, letting the fox get away with whatever it was he wanted to do. This person however was not having that, yelling and screaming at the small fox, running him off with anger, repeatedly crying out that he will not have vermin in his dumpster. Deciding it was enough of the city for today, he found himself nearing the outskirts of town. No longer were there businesses lining the streets, instead it was houses, family houses at that. Finding himself in the garden of a house, he had no idea eyes were on him, they were observing the small hungry fox. Within the house was a person quickly searching what do foxes eat on their phone, before starting to pile up some food on the plate, for the poor animal. Moments later the person comes out of their house, offering a small white porcelain plate abound with leftover freshly cooked meats and a variety of fresh sweet berries. Unaccustomed to the kindness of others, the fox kept his distance, only going over to the plate once the human was back within their house. The person watching through the window as the small orange and white creature devoured the food, it was much hungrier than one would have thought. The food was gone in a matter of minutes, the fox finding its way back into the garden, falling asleep amongst the flowers.

As the morning came, the fox was surprised to see another plate sat out, more meat and berries. This became a common routine for the homeowner and the fox. It took a month before he felt comfortable entering the person’s home. They had shown him nothing but kindness, and he felt grateful for that. Eating freshly cooked meats they gave him, while they were eating their own dinner, and feasting upon bowls of freshly picked berries, became a daily routine. It was odd to the homeowner, the fox was basically like a pet to them at this point. It would join them for breakfast and dinner, curling up in their lap as they watched the television after dinner, and would allow them to pet it like a dog or cat would. The fox had grown close to the homeowner, enjoying his position as a pet for them, since it kept him warm, full, and loved. No longer was he roughing it on the streets begging for a meal, he had someone that was keeping him fed and clean.

Riki had gotten accustomed to this, he had been a fox for so many years he had lost count. He once was counting down the days until he would reach 100, being able to shift into a human form, being able to fully enjoy the human parts of life. But, years ago that countdown stopped, he shifted from loving life and wanting to be a human, to just struggling to get by. At one point he was no longer seen as a joy and blessing in his community, instead being seen as a problem, a vermin, something to get rid of. That was until he found them, they cared for him in a way he had missed for years. Seeing him as another being, not just a problem rifling through their trash cans. He enjoyed laying in their arms, the food they would give him, and despite how embarrassing it was, he did not mind them when they would groom him, commenting how much better he smelled after using the various products on him. He had not only grown to like this treatment, but found himself liking them as well.

Despite how hard he tried to behave, he had a habit of stealing little things from the neighbors and bringing them to your house, like a thank you. He knew enough about humans to know you would not like for him to bring you a dead bird or rat, like a cat would; but he saw no problem in stealing flowers from the neighbors garden, or maybe a discarded necklace he found in the park. These little things became a normal thing, the small gifts from the little fox were the highlights of your day most of the time. Little things like shiny rocks and flowers became normal things for you to see in the small fox’s mouth. You were thankful that he felt thankful for how you treated him, but even without these small gifts, you would have still fed and cared for the sweet little fox. He was so domesticated, you felt that he was a pet someone had abandoned.

This continued for some time, until one day Riki felt some odd feeling, while on his usual walk through the forest to your home, he felt this unimaginable pain. Only then did it hit him what it was, he had aged for a hundred years, he was able to shift into a human form finally, something he once counted down the days for felt like an inconvenience how, since how were you to love him outside of his fox form. Many kitsune would love to have this chance, however, Riki just ignored it, instead deciding to stay in his fox form for now, since the only person he knew enough about to shift into would be you. Continuing his regular routine, being nothing more than a little pet to you.

This was until one day when he came back home from a walk, seeing an unfamiliar car parked in the driveway, an unfamiliar scent was picked up easily. That was the first day in months that you did not come when he scratched at the door, there was no food outside for him, nor had you left the window open for him. Jumping up onto the windowsill, he gazed into the living room, seeing another figure other than just yourself. He growled slightly as he realized the other scent was another man, he could not hear what was being said, but he hated the look of joy upon your face as the other man held you in his arms. The anger was interrupted as the window caught the man’s attention, unable to hear what was being said, he knew it was not good, especially as he watched you grasp the man’s arm, simply making him sit back down. The door opened quickly after that, a bowl of berries was in your hand, and he heard you start to comment to the other man.

“Calm the fuck down Taki, it’s just a little fox, I feed it every night, it was just staring in wondering where it’s dinner was,” you yelled out to your boyfriend who was sitting on your sofa. Taki had been gone for almost five months at that point, his job sending him out of the country for a multiple month contract, luckily however he was back. He did not seem to like your little fox visitor, and you just hoped he would not do anything to the sweet little fox that you loved so dearly. “I’m sorry sweetie, you’ll have to sleep outside tonight, he doesn’t really like the idea of a wild animal in the house,” you told the gentle fox, petting it as it bumped your hand with its head.

It took not even a minute of you being away for Taki to reach his limit, getting up and coming to the door to force you back inside the house. “Let the damn animal starve, if it can’t find food out in nature, just let it go hungry, it’s not your fault it can’t hunt like a normal animal can.” Taki yelled out, glaring at the small fox in distaste. “It’s going to bring fleas and ticks around, probably has disease too, we should scare it off, that would be best.” He said, wanting the dumb animal to be away from him.

With a gasp, you turned to look at your boyfriend, shocked at the words from his mouth. “It’s just a sweet little fox, I think it used to be someone’s pet. There is no need to talk about it so rudely and harshly, it’s just a sweet little fox.” You attempted to defend the little animal, as you remained petting its soft fur. Taki was always a bit abrasive, it always had to be his way or no way, things were how he wanted them to be or things just did not get done, you had shocked yourself by standing up for the small fox, but it was just an innocent animal, and Taki’s anger was unfounded.

“Whatever, quit petting it, go wash your hands, and join me on the sofa again. The movie is playing, and I don’t like missing too much of it since you had to come out here to deal with that stupid little animal.” Taki said, before returning back into the house, closing the front door with a slam, scaring both yourself and the small little fox with his anger. Taki had decided that if the fox was there in the morning, he would scare it off, the last thing you needed was to get some disease from a wild fox. Laying back on the sofa, he started to complain again, this time at how long it was taking you to rejoin him on the sofa.

Petting the little fox one last time, you softly sighed at Taki’s anger. You were accustomed to this, he always had to have everything his way, and you knew he would not be happy until the fox was no longer a problem. “I’m sorry little one, enjoy your berries,” you told the small animal, before starting your way back in, “You may want to make sure you aren’t here in the morning, I don’t think Taki will like it if he sees you again.” Slipped past your lips, wishing the small fox would understand you, since the last thing you wanted is for Taki to scare off your little friend. He had scared off most of your real friends, and now was trying to scare off your animal friend. Rejoining him on the sofa, you ignored all the complaints and grumbles coming from him, just hoping his anger would subside for the rest of the night.

The little fox, Riki, hated the way the man, Taki he believes you said, spoke to you. Someone as wonderful as you deserved someone just as wonderful, not an asshole like him. It was not his fault the insecure man felt threatened by an animal, and it angered him how he so easily yelled at you. Complaining about how long it took to resume the movie, and about how the fox should just be left to die. As he enjoyed the berries, he just wished he could do something to help you, to get you away from this man. Hearing your warning, he made sure he was gone from your property after eating the berries, knowing that you would not have said it unless it was a serious thing. Which, seeing how Taki reacted upon seeing him at the window, you knew it was absolutely a serious thing.

The routine changed after that day. No longer were days spent in their house, enjoying breakfast and dinner with them. Instead, Riki would get a handful of berries, and luckily the occasional piece of meat, hidden within the trees just behind the backdoor of the house. Despite Taki’s hatred of the small animal, you continued to feed the poor fox, but tried your best to make sure Taki never saw it. Riki however would often hear Taki’s complaining, the man looking around for the fox, wanting to fully scare it off, knowing you still fed it regularly, and he did not like that.

Riki grew to hate Taki, how he treated you, how he treated him, and just everything. Yelling became a regular occurance from your house at night, usually Taki yelling at you for little things. It started with him yelling at you since he claimed you did not cook enough food for dinner, blaming it on your daily time spent feeding that fox. Then it escalated, him yelling at you for not doing all of his laundry by the time he returned home, despite the fact you worked as well, he expected you to do everything at home as well. It was then over you not cleaning the whole house, Riki could hear his yelling, screaming about the filth in the house, and how he could not be with someone who does not know how to keep things clean. Despite his desire to protect you, Riki stayed back, not wanting to make anything worse.

The day that made him decide to do something was when he saw Taki raise a hand to you, he had been yelling at you, reminding you how he could easily replace you, how he many others on his roster, that he could have another by the time he gets home, while you were just sitting here crying. Taki had anger issues, he would scream and he would yell, but he never once hit you until that day. Easily backhanding you with such force, you landed on the floor, hand holding your face in shock, unable to even scream or cry in this situation. Taki ended up storming out the house, yelling that it was over, but not before he openly disclosed that he had no qualms about hooking up with others while he was on the work trip abroad, reminding you that he never felt you were exclusive, you were nothing but a toy for him.

Riki wanted to rush into your house as Taki opened the door, but instead the imposing male stood in front of the closed door, a short laugh being heard, as he stared at the fox. A foot met the side of Riki’s fox figure, Taki muttering about the stupid animal before he started to leave. Taki however did not get far, seeing the little pet house that you had bought for the fox, he quickly grabbed the fox. Riki was too weak from the kick to fight back as Taki picked him up, but he tried his hardest, wiggling in his grasp, wanting to escape and run into the house to where you were. However, he was unable to, his small body being forced into a small box that had been bed for many nights while sleeping outside. As Taki went to lock the door, to completely trap the small fox inside the pet carrier, something stopped him. It was a shiny object, Riki felt his heart drop as Taki’s hand clutched the item, shoving it into his pocket, before proceeding to lock the carrier. Taki then left, taking the kitsune ball with him.

A seething hatred filled his body, watching Taki walking off to his vehicle with his kitsune ball, the idiot having no idea of what he just did, what he just took, what he just caused. Immediately Riki cried out, the pain from the kick finally fully hitting him, as he cried out in pain. By then you were already outside, about to start chasing after Taki, he was all you knew, having been with him for so long, you did not know what else to do. But, hearing the cries of an animal, you found yourself looking around, terrified that Taki had finally made true on his promise and threats, all the times he said he would kill that stupid fox. Luckily you found him, locked in the pet carrier, quickly opening it, you had no time to look at the fox, as he took off running. As the only other thing in your life ran away from you, you felt your heart start to crumble, Taki had scared off all your friends, all your family, and now your little animal friend as well.

As badly as Riki wanted to stay and be with you, he had to get his kitsune ball back one way or another. Hatred and the desire for revenge filled his being, wanting nothing more than to get his kitsune ball back whether it left Taki dead or alive. He was quick to trace the scent of the cheating abusive bastard you once called your boyfriend, Riki wanted nothing more than to kill the man, but he could tell you genuinely loved him. His anger drove him all the way to outside Taki’s house, it was the middle of the night, and he was unsure of what to do as he found himself on the doorstep of the man’s house.

Taki was quick to get to the door, thinking it was the girl he had texted on his drive over, but instead his video alert was alarming him of the stupid little fox on his doorstep. Opening the door, a laugh left his lips, seeing the fox he had once locked up in the pet carrier now on his doorstep. Taki had forgotten all about what he had stolen, until he reached to put his hands in his pockets, planning to kick the door closed on the small little fox’s head. A laugh slipped past his lips, removing the ball from his pocket with a smirk, “Oh, is this what you came for,” he sneered, starting to squeeze the small glowing golden white ball in his hand, attempting to break it.

Riki felt this rush through his body, a feeling he had never felt before, he found himself gaining height. Going from being eye level with Taki’s calves, to staring the man in the eye. Riki had shifted himself into Taki without meaning to, but it seemed to have taken Taki back enough that he dropped the kitsune ball, as he stepped back with haste. Taki’s back hit the floor as he started trying to get away, screams attempting to slip out of his mouth, but nothing came. This time it was laughing leaving Riki’s mouth, quickly picking up the glowing ball, before he started to walk closer to the man on the floor. “Oh, this is, but I also came for this,” he said, reaching down, watching as felt the power coursing through his body, he grabbed Taki’s leg, watching as it spontaneously erupted into flames. Riki had never used his magic, never seeing a reason in it, but for you, he would use it however often as he needed to.

Taki froze, falling to the ground as he watched the fox turning into a man, not just any man, but himself. Screams begged to escape his body, but no noise came out of his mouth, instead he hit the ground, trying to crawl away. Unable to get away, he stared in terror as he set himself on fire. This had to be some sort of fever dream, there were not two of him in the world, and the fire came out of nowhere. It was like all the air had been sucked out of his lungs, his whole body erupting in burning violent flames, but his screams met deaf ears, no noise coming from his vocal cords, despite how loudly he screamed and cried.

Riki felt such joy watching as the flames easily took over Taki’s frame. He would not bother you again, no longer would Taki get to enjoy inflicting such pain on you, if it does not bring joy let it go, and here Riki was letting Taki go. A laugh fell from his lips, watching as Taki tried to roll around, trying to get the flames to stop, the shock on his face was evident, as Riki had stolen his voice along with his looks. His joy overwhelmed him as he watched the last of the flames finally die down, leaving nothing remaining of Taki other than some charred clothing remains. His joy however did not last, as a random dinging caught his attention, a phone you had called many times, he read the screen quickly, seeing a message saying ‘on my way’ from someone Taki had named side chick number six, whatever a side chick was. But, as he stood there, something hit him, someone was on their way to see Taki, real Taki, not Riki Taki, maybe it was because he was new to using his magic and all, but he was unable to stop it when everything around him just erupted into flames. He found himself shifting back into fox form, quickly running from the house. Riki did not make it far however, he was hit by a car just outside the house, immediately shifting back into his Taki form from the impact. He watched as the entire house caught on fire, it was up in flames, he only got to enjoy the sight of the second story of the house collapsing into the flames, before all he saw was black.

You were sitting in your room when you got the call, it had been almost an hour since Taki had left and your little fox friend had run away from you. The call was from an unknown number, but answered it regardless, quickly being greeted with an unknown male voice, asking if they were calling the right number, before revealing it was the hospital. “What do you mean he was hit by a car?” You all but screamed into the phone, Taki and you might have been arguing that night, but you did not want him to get hit by a car. “I’ll be there as soon as I can.” You told the receptionist, quickly throwing on your shoes and a jacket, before finding your way to the hospital.

He may have been a horrible boyfriend, but you loved him despite everything he did, and you were distraught when you heard the news. You wanted to get back at him, but him being hit by a car was never what you wanted. You wanted him to maybe feel bad about cheating on you, not to be almost killed by a car. Arriving at the hospital, you were quickly ushered into his room, seeing not only a police officer but a fire inspector in the room as well. They were quick to catch you up on what happened, his house caught on fire, he ran from the fire, he got hit by a car, he passed out, and the driver of the car was apparently someone he had invited over to his house that night.

Despite the anger that came from knowing he was actively trying to hookup with someone that was not you, you could not stop feeling the pain and sorrow you felt for the man laying out on the bed. You loved him, you would never not love him, even if he did not always love you. Quickly you found yourself taking his hand, clutching it as tightly as you could, tears falling from your eyes as you wanted nothing more than for him to awake. You would apologize for being a bad significant other, you would apologize for making him mad, you would do anything to make him happy, you would do anything he asked you to as you had so many times before. Taki relied on that, leaving you and then waiting until you came crawling back begging for him.

Riki had no idea what happened, but he felt a sharp feeling in his arms, something holding down his wrist as well. Immediately, he recognized he was not in his fox form, instead in human form, Taki’s form. A small soft hand held his hand in theirs, teardrops making his arm wet, he knew the hands were yours based on your scent. He fought the mind fog for almost an hour, just hearing your sobs, your pleas for him to be okay, to wake up, to forgive you. Riki knew these cries were for Taki, not him, but he wished it was for him. Riki knew nothing of being human, Riki knew nothing of being in love, Riki knew nothing of being loved, Riki knew nothing of any of it, but he knew he would never had treated you how Taki did, he knew that the way he felt for you was as close to love as he would ever feel, until he truly learned what love was.

As Taki opened his eyes, you found yourself gasping, clinging yourself onto his body, lips immediately making contact with his lips. It was odd as Taki did not kiss you back, instead just sitting there frozen, unsure of what to do. Moving back, you looked in his eyes, seeing nothing but confusion on his face. Quickly the doctor was called, not even an hour later, the doctor told you the diagnosis. “You believe he has amnesia?” The diagnosis was like a slap to the face, it explained why he was so frozen earlier, probably not remembering you at all. “So he remembers how to talk and read, but nothing else. Retrograde amnesia?” You easily repeated the doctor, listening to everything he tells you, how to care for him, how to attempt to get his memory to return and everything.

Riki felt odd, everyone referring to him as Taki felt out of place, but for all intents and purposes, he was now Taki, god knows what would happen to him if he revealed what had really happened to Taki. Despite how much he loved the feeling of your hands holding his, it hurt him that you were only doing so thinking he was Taki, but at this point, he had no choice but to be Taki. After everyone left, he felt lost, he did not know what to do, it was hard being in a new body, let alone also having a whole new identity. He could only guess the doctor was telling you everything as some random girl entered the room, quick to rush over and hug him, not even noticing as he froze.

As she started to cry, Riki realized this must have been the person the message earlier was from, what was it, side chick number six. He moved away from her grasp as she cried out, “Oh Taki, I’m so glad you’re alive. I was so afraid I had killed you, I was coming over like you asked me to, I didn’t think I’d hit you.” She cried out, trying to come to terms with what happened. She tried to hug him again, but Riki raised his hands, pushing her away, not wanting whoever this was to be on him, let alone touch him.

“I don’t know who you are, but please leave me alone,” He said, watching as the girl’s face immediately dropped. She was devastated by his words, but he felt no pain for her. She was only number six of who knows how many people Taki had been cheating on his amazing girlfriend with. He had such an amazing person who loved him with all their heart, but instead he was out there sleeping with anyone who would allow him to do so. Riki however, knew that Taki from now on would not be doing that, he would blame it on the traumatic head injury or something, but Taki would no longer be doing that, he would be honest and cherish what he had, like Riki knows he would.

The girl started to cry even harder, Riki did not even know her name, and he honestly did not care. “What do you mean? Taki it’s me? We’ve been dating for a while, you don’t remember me?” She cried out, becoming more and more outraged as she cried, becoming louder and louder. Riki luckily did not have to do anything as a nurse burst into the room, removing the girl from his room, before adding her to a list of people not allowed to visit, after Riki expressed how distressed her presence made him.

You had watched the whole scene, it was odd, Taki would oftentimes brag about how easily he could replace you, but here he was rejecting the girl he had invited over to do just that. It felt odd, but you reminded yourself that it was just the amnesia talking, he would probably go right back to it once he healed and had his memory back. Entering his room again, you found yourself sitting beside his bed, taking his hands in yours once more. “Do you remember who I am?” Being all you asked, watching as he shook his head, it hurt, but you knew you had bigger issues than him not remembering who you are. Telling him your name, you were quick to let him know, “I’m your partner, we’ve been together for years.”

Riki could do nothing but play stupid, knowing that while he might have Taki’s looks and voice, he did not have his memories, and would instead be unable to know anything you might ask him. “I’m sorry,” he muttered, watching how the hurt masked your eyes, knowing that the thought of your boyfriend not recognizing you must have hurt. “But I want to remember,” he added, hoping that it might make everything a bit better for you.

Despite the fact you would not admit it, hearing his words made your heart swell a bit. Taki was never one to really care about much, but you could only guess the brain injury had changed him, hopefully it made him a better man, but you knew that was a bad thing to think, especially given the situation. “I’ll try to help you remember,” you told him, yet, it hurt so badly when you thought about it. You would help him regain his memory, just for him to probably revert to how he was just before the accident. You would help him regain his memory, just for him to go back to reminding you how easily he could replace, bragging about his roster, and reminding you that he did not do exclusivity. He would more than likely go back to cheating on you when mad, claiming it was your fault for running him into the arms of another, and making you genuinely believe it was your fault, since he was being so generous with you, and you treated him like that.

Riki felt feelings he had never felt before as you clutched at his hands, his arms, holding them to your chest, gentle kisses on his hand, soothing him almost. The pain in your eyes told him how much you regret the words you just said, seeing how Taki treated you, he understood why. The relationship was so bad, but you were in love with Taki, and he knew that, which is why he would always get away with whatever it was he wanted to do, you would always forgive him and believe him when he twisted it to make it your fault. Riki knew that you deserve someone better, someone that would love you back with their whole heart, not just someone who only loves you when it is convenient for them. The pain in your eyes made him decide to be just that, you would never have to worry about him getting mad and storming out claiming he is going to go sleep with another, you would never have to worry about him hitting you in anger, and you would never have to worry about the pain Taki brought every time he came around.

Riki wanted nothing more than to let you know who he really was, but he knew you would not believe him. What was he to say, I am the fox you used to feed and cuddle with every night and I sorta killed your abusive asshole of a boyfriend, that would get him put in jail or worse. Despite how much he knew Taki had hurt you, he also had to admit to himself that pretending to be Taki was for the best at this moment in time, since that was who you thought he was. You thought he was Taki, just Taki with some minor brain damage, after all he had been hit by a car. Being Taki may not be what he wanted, but he was sure he would never treat you the way the real Taki would have, since you deserve better.

As the doctor’s cleared Taki to leave, you were quick to get him to your house, seeing how his own had burned down, an electrical fire is what the fire and police said. It was odd seeing him so demure, so confused, almost innocent, he was unsure of what he was doing, unsure of what to do, and unsure of everything, just waiting for you to tell him what he needed to do. Once he was seated on the sofa, you decided to do your best to help him start remembering little things, getting out a scrapbook full of photos from when you first started dating.

There was once a happy phase with Taki, romantic candlelit dinners, moonlight picnics, walks under the stars, and matching couple outfits. But, that phase faded into controlling behavior, if you made him mad he would start to yell, he would start to blame you for everything, which it was your fault, you were the one who made him mad. Those romantic dates started to end, instead he simply had home dates with you instead, claiming you did not deserve anything too extravagant or opulent, since you would just end up pissing him off anyways and would embarrass him if he did take you. The lack of romance then translated to him picking up others, claiming you were not making him fully happy, he deserved this, if you could not satisfy him fully, he deserved the ability to be with others who would, and that is exactly what he would do. Honestly, at some point Taki had fallen out of love with you, but he would not have admitted it, nor would he break up with you. Taki would never let you be the victim, he had to be the victim, if you were to break up, you had to end it with him, never the other way around. He needed to be able to turn it into a sad story for himself, claim the love of his life and significant other for the past five years broke his heart with such ease, he would have slandered your public image, making sure that you were never happy again. He deserved happiness, he would be damned if you kept him from that, but you only deserve happiness if it was with him.

Opening the book, you found yourself seated next to Taki, staring at the first page, you questioned how to go about this. Despite your brain telling you to tell him everything, you decided to only mention the happy moments, the good parts, thinking maybe he will not ever remember that he was once an abusive horrible asshole of a boyfriend. He would be mad at you once he did remember, but he would also be mad at you regardless of whether you told him about those moments or not, so instead you decided to focus on the lovely moments. “This was from our first date,” was how it started, “you took me out to a picnic, it was so sweet. You made all my favorite foods and snacks, and we ended up talking for hours upon hours. You were such a gentleman, listening to me go on and on about everything, even once the night came, we continued talking.”

Riki stared at the photos on the page, seeing sweet photos of yourself and Taki, you were enamored with Taki, and once Taki was in love with you as well. He felt his heart ache slightly, staring at the picture in which Taki’s lips were on your own. Staring at the photos, he felt a sense of pride, a sense of joy. He knew how Taki ended up, how he treated you all these years later, how horrible he was. He felt joy that you would never have to go through that treatment again, he would never treat you like Taki would, he would never lay a finger on you like Taki would, you were precious and he would treat you as such. He felt pride that he would make you feel this way again, he would never see the fear or pain in your eyes again, he would make you remember the days when you were lovesick and thought you had found your forever, he would be your forever.

Seeing his gaze catching a photo on the page, you ran your fingers along the photo, remembering that day. “That was the day we had our first kiss. You had bought me a bouquet of the most beautiful flowers, but told me I was the most beautiful flower of all. I remember you taking me out to a restaurant and us having a candlelit dinner, it was so romantic, we then took a midnight walk. By the end of the walk, neither of us wanted to go home, but you knew we needed to. You brought me to my door, we talked for almost twenty minutes just standing there, until you finally acted and kissed me. I’m lucky my doorbell camera caught it, otherwise I wouldn’t have this photo for that memory.”

Riki nodded, but he knew none of these moments, and he never would remember them. In that moment he cursed how shifting into a human did not give you their memories, but he also did not want those memories, he would never want first hand account memories of hitting you or anything. He gazed at the photos with confusion, not a singular memory coming up with any of the photos, obviously since he was not the real Taki. He was nothing more than an imposter, and he only hoped you would not catch onto that.

Gazing at his face, the look in his eyes told you everything you needed to know. “You don’t remember, do you?” You questioned him, your heart dropping as he shook his head. It was a long shot, but you had hope, hope he would remember, hope that things would go back to how they once were. But, instead fate had another plan in mind it seems. But, you would not give up on him, you would continue trying, you would make him remember it one way or another.

That is how days started, you showing him videos and photos, seeing if anything sparked a memory, but nothing ever did. He could not even remember how to do little things like using the toaster and making a sandwich, it was like his mind was just blank, an empty canvas ready to be used. The doctors offered nothing except comments about how the damage might be much worse than they thought, offering the advice that maybe making new memories would be better than reviving old ones, since it seems he has no problem remembering things that happen now.

This was how the two of you ended up where you are now, sitting together on a picnic blanket, surrounded by little snacks and drinks. If he could not remember your first date, you would recreate your first date for him. Words were not being passed between the two of you, Taki himself did not know what he liked, so there was nothing much for him to talk about, yet, it did not bother you. Oddly, it felt comfortable, he sat listening to you intently, as the two of you shared this space. Somehow the two of you ended up laying down, gazing up at the stars, your head on his chest, as you pointed out different constellations to him.

Riki was absolutely enamored with you, how gentle you were with him, how kind you were. He knew nothing much other than speech, and you were so calm explaining things to him, even things he felt you thought he should know. He just enjoyed being around you, he might never be able to do everything Taki could do, but he did not mind that when it was you teaching him how to do it. He felt joy when he overheard the doctor’s call, make new memories rather than focus on reviving old ones, just what he was hoping would happen, he wanted to make you feel joy and love you never felt with the real Taki, and this is how he would do so.

He knew nothing much to share with you, but he loved just listening to you talk, he would do that for hours, just hearing you ramble about things that interested you was his favorite thing. The date you planned for the two of you, he enjoyed, knowing it was a recreation of your first date, but he also knew it would have a drastically different ending. Somehow he ended up laying down on the thick blanket, staring up at the sky. He often observed the stars, but being with you made them all shine brighter, you made them even more stunning, but their beauty could not compete with your beauty. His arm found its way around your waist as you pointed out star formations to him, explaining them and telling him the names of them. He nodded, listening passionately to each word you said, his hand easily finding its way to your hair, simply petting it as you laid there.

Explaining the constellations to Taki, it was silent, except for the sounds of your voice, and his occasional voice of agreement and acknowledgement. It was odd feeling his arm around your waist, pulling you closer to him, Taki would have never done that, he was not one to be touchy with you, it was only ever on his terms. It was odd, you enjoyed it, the feeling of his arm holding you close to his chest, almost like he was afraid you would blow away with the gentle breeze that was blowing through. It was only when you felt the hand petting your hair gently, that you felt a feeling you had not felt in long, love. At that moment, all words fell silent, you started up at Taki, feeling the love that you thought had faded for him so long again. “Taki,” you softly muttered upon seeing him staring at you as well.

Riki had been observing your face the entire time you spoke, each word from your mouth captivated him, you could have been just saying random words, and he still would have been captivated. You were the moon and he was tide, you were pulling and pushing him with movement and words from your lips. He could not stop himself from staring at those lips, wondering what they would feel like against his own. You had mentioned before that the first kiss did not happen until almost a month into dating, but that was old Taki, this was new and improved Taki, and new and improved Taki honestly felt no need to wait. Leaning down, he quickly captured your lips. It was an odd feeling, but he liked it, and he wanted to do it more.

Kissing Taki was not on your list of things to happen today, but you welcomed it. His lips felt different than before, they were not rough or harsh, he was not dominating the kiss, nor was he trying to force his tongue into your mouth as he usually would. The kiss was gentle, it honestly made you fall in love with him all over again. A gentleness you had not felt in so long, it was welcoming to your heart, making you feel like you did once with him, filling your stomach with butterflies and your mind with thoughts of what might happen this time, how different it will be, how happy you may be.

Riki was unsure what he was doing, but it just felt right. His lips locked with yours, he mimicked your movement, giving you back what you gave him. His hand dropped from your head, going to your waist, pulling you on his chest completely. To any onlooker, it was a sweet couple sharing a soft moment, to him it was a sign of what he would be getting for the rest of his life, since after tasting how sweet your lips tasted, feeling how soft your lips are, and realizing how easily you fit in next to him, he never planned on letting you go. He would never let you go and he was sure you would never let him go. This time Taki would be a perfect gentleman, he would be just what you needed in your life, and Riki would make sure of it. Finally parting his lips from yours, he could do nothing more than just staring at you, “Beautiful, so beautiful,” he muttered, his lips pressing gentle kisses to your forehead, as the date came to an end.

Taki was different, so different, each date was so much better than the first ones. You were not sure what it was, but it had to be the car accident, changing him into a whole new person practically. Loyalty was the first word in this Taki’s vocabulary. Love was the second word. And perfection was the third, since that is what you were to him. No longer did fear stay in your eyes when you gazed at him. No longer did you fear he would storm out bragging he had a date with another girl. No longer did you fear he would hit you in anger. No longer did those feelings of inadequacy mar your mind. To this Taki you were perfect, you were amazing, and he would never find anyone that he would ever love more than you.

A part of your mind wanted you to admit that maybe Taki was not Taki after all, but it could not be that. It was just that the car accident brought something out in him that you never saw, something that made him a man you wanted to spend the rest of your life with. Creating new memories was the best decision, replacing all those cold and harsh memories you had with Taki previously, with sweet and warm ones with Taki now.

Taki was a fast learner, you quickly had him learn how to be self sufficient around the house, to the point that he refused to let you help around the house. He was unable to work or anything outside of the house, due to the memory loss, so he felt it was only right to help around the house. It was odd, seeing him so easily take the role of what one would call a house husband, but it was appreciated. Previously Taki would have expected you to do everything on your own, he would not lift a single finger to help you, but Taki now would not let you lift a single finger to do it.

For the first time in years, you felt loved, each day falling in love more and more with Taki. He was finally being the man of your dreams, the man you always fantasized about, the man that would love you for who you were for the rest of your life. No longer did his kisses feel forced, no longer did the love feel absent, no longer did you feel as though your life was on eggshells around him. He always made sure you felt loved, reminded you that you were loved, and loved you like he felt you deserved to be loved.

Riki had taken to everything you taught him quickly, doing all the little tasks around the house for you while you were at work. Nothing ever needed to be mentioned twice, since he felt it was the least he could do for you taking such good care of him. Need the lawn mowed, he did it immediately after figuring out how to work the lawn mower once you went to work. The laundry needs to be done, no need to ask, he has already started it, even going as far as to sort the darks and colors. Riki was unsure who he was at this point, but all he did know is that whoever he was, he was loved by you. He loved you, you returned his love, and that was all he cared about.

It was a day he had finished all the chores early, he even had dinner in the oven waiting for you to return from work, when you caught him by the mirror in the bedroom. He did not hear you enter, nor did he notice you come into the house. You watched as he just stared at himself in the mirror, confusion did not mar his face, nor did anger, or any other identifiable emotion.

Staring at his appearance in the mirror, Riki was unsure where he began and Taki ended, he was unsure if Riki even existed any longer except for in his mind. Yet, feeling your arms wrap around his waist, he finally noticed you were home, and your lips softly littering his neck with gentle kisses, muttering sweet words of praise and love. He honestly found himself not caring, as far as anyone knew now he was Taki. As long as you loved Taki, he would be Taki, he was Taki, he is Taki; Riki no longer exists, since as long as he has you within his arms, he has no desire to be back in his fox form again. Moving his arm, he quickly switched your positions, moving you from where you stood behind him. Rubbing his nose against yours, he gently kissed your lips, before he picked you up with ease, feeling your arms wrapping around his neck. “I love you Taki,” your voice attempted to say, before it was enveloped by his lips against yours. He found himself smiling into the kiss as your words were cut out by the moans coming from his actions.

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Tides of the Soul

✿ Synopsis: All places have their secrets and mythos. Some places the mythos come with a grain of salt, the idea of reality blurring with imagination, sparking the joy within the lives of the residents. But, sometimes those myths are not as imaginary as one would assume, they being the cornerstone of society within your small island home. As you find yourself the owner of the coat of a selkie, thoughts are torn between two extremes of what to do, as you find yourself falling in love with the one who is unwillingly bound to your soul.

✿ Who: Asakura Jo (&Team) x Reader ✿ Word Count: 11,462 ✿ Genre: Fantasy(selkie)/Angst/Fluff/Sad ✿ Warnings: Forced marriage. ✿ Request: No ✿ Enjoy.

At the age of nine your father disappeared into the night. Without a word, he was gone. Living in a small coastal sea town, you had grown used to the amount of people that would go out to sea and never return. The sheer number of young widows turned the town into a hotspot for men wanting to settle down with people that already had an established life. And even more grim, a hotspot for funeral homes, after all the easiest funeral to hold is one where there is not a body for the directors to worry about or get ready. Whole streets consisted of numerous stores dedicated to selling items related to mourning, entire stores full of nothing but sorry for your loss cards, and shop fronts advertising their lines of all black children’s and adult’s clothing.

Children grow up associating every ship sailing as a forever goodbye. Their fathers and brothers going out to sea, and oftentimes never being seen alive again. Returning is rarer than those who get lost at sea. The rarity of returns often lead to large celebrations, ending in the whole town wasted and destroyed, a cost that the town can afford seeing how sparingly the sailors return. Losing a father or brother is something that all children are raised to expect, along with losing a step-father or step-brother, and in some cases multiple step-fathers. The reality of seeing a struggling single mother is more common than seeing a happily married couple, and the rarest of all being a father. The torental sea claims the lives of most that attempt to conquer it, ships and people embracing the waves, just to never be seen again. The waves claimed each ship, like an offering to some sea gods, or sinking each ship like an angered sea god, punishing those who were foolish enough to trek out onto their territory. A way of living associated with death and loss, something that even the youngest of children are accustomed to.

At the age of nine your mother had no attempts to provide you any sort or form of closure regarding your father. A midnight voyage, she called it, claiming he just decided to up and leave, working is better in the dark, she claimed he said. But, she changed the story every time you asked, a fishing trip, a work trip, a midnight voyage, a sailing trip, and running away from their family, being too ashamed to ask for a divorce, and many other stories she would tell. It all made no sense when you were nine, and now as a young adult, it made even less sense. His ship was not outfitted to be a fishing vessel, he would not have been foolish enough to make a voyage without notifying his family of where he was going, and he also was not stupid enough to go on a fishing trip without at least including his friends or his working buddies.

There were many things your father was, sometimes not the best dad, sometimes forgetful of important things and events, and sometimes it felt like he was not completely there, but there was one thing that he was not, and that was stupid. You never believed the claims of a midnight voyage, the late night fishing trip, a late night work trip, and especially never believed your mothers claims that he was cheating and left to be with the other woman. He would not have left you. He never would or could have, if he really did leave for you, you know that he would have had you right alongside. He wouldn’t have left you like your mother claimed, he wasn’t that type of father. He loved you more than he loved his own wife, and he made sure that you knew that small fact.

The town newspaper had become an obituary and in memoriam paper, with the sheer amount of death by sea in the area vastly outnumbering the number of current and positive events happening in the town. As you tossed the paper on the table, all you could think was about how at this point they might as well make it a solely death related paper, after all out of the 30 pages, only 3 were about things that are not death. 27 pages of obituaries and in memoriams, compared to a single page on current events, and then two pages of ads. Looking down at the paper, starting to wonder why your mother had gotten it today, she never bought the paper, saying it was too grim, too dark for her. Reading through the pages with nothing more than a quick glance on each, you finally saw the reason why on one of the backpages. Within the block text was a name that looked familiar, it finally hit you after a few moments, it was your father’s name. It brought back the memories of when you were nine, your mom keeping you home from school to break the news, despite it being almost eleven years ago, the member was fresh in your mind, like it only happened yesterday. The pain you felt as your mother said he was lost at sea flooded your mind, how only the figurehead from the bow of his ship was found, how it washed ashore in the wee hours of daylight, and how it meant more than likely your father was gone now. The anniversary of his death always affected you much worse than your mother, she showed no emotion, but also at this point she not only had your father to mourn, but also two other husbands she had lost to the sea since then, luckily step-dad three had yet to suffer the same fate, but you also knew it was only a matter of time.

It was none other than her voice that knocked you from your reverie, as she called you from elsewhere in your house. Going upstairs, you failed to find her, before you finally realized she was calling you from the rarely used attic, a room you were forbidden from entering as a child, and hadn’t sought entry to even as an adult. Climbing up the rickety old steps, you found yourself face to face with a slew of dusty boxes thrown about, materials collected from your mother’s various marriages, old antiques passed down through the line, and old toys of your own that you could have sworn she said they donated. It did not take long for you to find the reason you came up here, your mother standing on the far edge, surrounded by boxes, elbow deep digging through one.

Without even announcing your entry, she seemed to know that you had entered, starting to talk without even acknowledging your entry with a look. “Do you recall all those old myths and folklore that I taught you as a child?” she started, with an innocent enough question, “I want you to tell me what you remember.’

It was an odd request, the folklore, of course you remember it, well some of it, but not all of it. You can recall the tales of the fairies and the fae, the mermaids and mermen, the sirens and the dwarfs, and many others. “What tale is it you want specifically,” you start to ask your mother, “there are so many, you need to be specific.” The tall tales were something you remember vividly, the glorious image your mother and father had painted in your mind as a young child, something that you failed to forget. Memories of how passionate your father was as he spoke of these creatures, a fresh memory in your mind, it was hard to forget, how he was so descriptive with his words, helping you easily paint a vivid scene, from just the stories.

“Start telling them,” her voice called out from across the attic, “I’ll let you know when you get to the right one.” Of course there was a specific tale she wished for you to tell, but making it hard as she always did, she refused to tell you just which one. It was almost as though she liked playing the guessing game, or maybe she just liked telling you that you were wrong, both were valid answers to the question when your mother was the subject.

With the plethora of tales, you had no idea where you intended to start, maybe the sea tales, or maybe the mountain tales, or the plain tales, or maybe the air tales, or maybe just cycling through them all until she finally says yes. “The fairies lay claim to the wooded forest on the forbidden side of the island,” you started, only to hear her grunt in disapproval. One tale down, but still you had many many many others to go through. “The dwarfs and gnomes are rumored to have lived in the foothills, building homes within the small rocky hills, where no one dares to roam,” once again it was met with disapproval. “The goblins that live on the forest edge, taking a liking to being around the farms, occasionally stealing livestock and being mischievous, but they are also known for helping out those same farmers in their time of need.” Once again, wrong. “The giants, it is said, made homes in the mountains, atop the tallest ones, where the village people knew better than to go.” As your mother started to grunt, you carried on, “the kelpies lived upon the lake side. The fae lay claim to where no fairy would cross.” She continually cut you off, but you continued. “The mermaids swim upon the rivers and the beach’s cove, guardians to those on land, savior of young children that fall into the water, and aiding those lost at sea back.” Finally, your mother made a noise of approval, but still did not confirm it was the right tale, meaning you had reached the right location of the tale, but not the right tale. “Sirens would lay posed against the jagged rocks surrounding the dangerous whirlpools and treacherous rock spines, singing of the sailors most sought after desires, whether it be material items or others, their beautiful singing alluring the sailors to their death.” Seeing your mother shake her head, you were almost at a snapping point, what other tale was there, what could it be your mother wanted to hear, the Loch Ness perhaps, or maybe the tales of the mermen. “What story is it you want then? I’ve gone through everyone that I know, that I can remember at least. Just tell me which tale it was you were looking for, since I have the faintest clue which tale it is that you want.” You finally admit to your mother, somewhat defeated, after all which tale was it she wanted, seeing how all of them failed to satisfy her need for a tale.

A deep groan came from the attic corner, as you maneuvered your way through the stuffy and dusty room over to your mom. “There is one more tale that you forgot, or maybe I never taught it to you. That couldn’t be it, I know I taught you about it, you were just a foolish child who probably forgot it.” She started, being quick to insult you, it was not anything new, anyone that stayed around your mother for a prolonged period of time was bound to realize how narcissistic she was. “Was it not as memorable as the others, what I taught you about it had no tales of death or epic stories building up to an amazing climax. It was just a simple creature that consumed the whole tale, nothing extravagant, and nothing more than that.” She started, for a moment you thought that she just was not going to tell you what it was she wanted, yet at least for once she told you what it was that she wanted. “You recall the tales of the selkie, now don’t look at me like that you child. They were brief tales, as a child there wasn’t much to teach you about the creature.” Pausing, she looked up finally, almost like she was expecting a reply, but you knew better, as she continued. “The selkies are a simple creature, they are seals, but upon shedding their skin turn human. That much I remember telling you, the basics, since as a child you need not know more of the lore than that. But you’re an adult now, and I think it’s time you learn the rest of the tale.” Your mother finished. As she finished, you could say with complete certainty that the woman never told you tales about selkies, but you also knew telling her that would not bode well in your favor. She continued searching before finally finding what it was in the box that she was looking for. Standing up she shows you a worn fur coat, before making her way across the room to where you stood.

“The rest of the tale?” you questioned, your voice trailing off. It was odd, just this whole situation. Being in the attic was odd occurrence number one. Demanding you to recall folklore was odd occurrence number two. Your mother needing to so desperately tell you about the tales of the selkie was odd occurrence number three. Now your mother is fishing out an old fur coat that looked like it hadn’t been worn in years, just to show it to you as she told you tales of the island’s mythology, odd occurrence number four. This was just a bit too much, after all your mother is one of those strong but silent types, you can recall her losing no tears over your father’s fate, nor any of the step-father’s fates that came afterwards. She was one of those ‘I’ll keep my feelings all bottled up in here, and then one day I’ll die types’, this was so unlike her, but it somehow intrigued you. The idea that your mother had some deep dark secret hidden up here in the boxes was interesting, and the idea that your mother seemed to have something major to tell you, led you to sit down next to her. The floor was cold and the room was damp, but the fact that she seemed to clear an area for you to sit, tells you that she had known what she was doing this dark morning.

Wordlessly your mother handed you the jacket, allowing you to see the fine brown fur. It was an aging article, the fur started to fall as it touched your hand, almost like it was disintegrating under your touch. She allowed you to study it, only speaking as she noticed you hold it up, almost as though you were to try it on. She could understand why you would think she wanted you to do that, usually when a family heirloom article of clothing is passed down, that is expected, but not with this jacket, not ever. “No, don’t, my child. You don’t want to try this on.” She reached out, pushing the jacket down, causing it to fall in both your lap and her own. “Now, you recall what I was telling you about, the tales of the selkies, how they shed their pelt and turn human, well it’s a bit more complicated than that. The selkies, their pelt is what lays claim to their soul, a soul that will be bound to whoever places the pelt upon their body. Folktales tell of ladies in the old days, often these would be ladies of the night or unmarried wenches, they would find these fine fur coats upon the ground at the beach, desiring the small bit of luxury that they often would not have been able to afford out of their meager wages, they would put the coat on, even if just to experience their desires of having the money to afford such a luxury. Oftentimes, they however would not place the fur back where it once was, instead their minds luring them to take it, to make it their own, since after all if the owner truly loved the fur, why would they leave it at the beach. Yet, these stories never ended there, instead they would be lured to the sea in the middle of the night, awaiting being the owner of the pelt, male or female awaiting the one they are now bound to. Placing the pelt on your body is like the mark of a soulmate, however there is often no love actually involved, often only desires to return to the sea and loveless marriages.” She said, pausing, like she was wondering how to finish the tale.

Looking at your mother’s face, you realize she is far from done, “From the look on your face, I assume there is more?” You ask, only to sigh as she nods.

Continuing her stories, she softly takes the fur from your hands, at that point it was completely in her lap, as she clinched it between both hands. “While tales tell of women happening upon these pelts by accident, there are also tales of how men happen upon these pelts. Sailors would wait upon the decks, watching the water, looking for things in specific, young women, especially attractive young women, then they would search for furs. To many of these men, pelts were a way to basically get a servant, a woman who would wait on your every beck and call, someone to manipulate that wouldn’t fight back, someone that they knew the law wouldn’t side with. These selkies would become their wives, but wives is a word that is too generous, oftentimes they were nothing more than servants, they would appease their husbands each and every whim, meals, housework, cleaning, and whatever they may want in the bedroom. Some of these men would even have multiple selkie wives, stealing each and every pelt they came upon. As the selkies aged, they would often be replaced by younger ones, over and over again until the sailors felt the need to get rid of them. Stories tell of men that had whole basements constructed for the housing of their unwanted wives, leaving the aged selkies to rot, refusing to let go of them, but also refusing to let them leave, a truly greedy thing some of these men would do. However, some were much more lucky, gaining their freedom, they were able to escape, however unable to return to the sea without their pelt. Some selkies were able to gain access to their pelts, finding them in hidden places and old boxes, returning to the sea before their husband had even realized they found it. But for many, the fate was much more grim, selkies rotting away in houses, longing to escape servitude, escape their loveless marriages, and dreaming to escape to the sea they so longed for. For a selkie, both male and female, once bonded, there is only one way to break the bond and allow them to return to the sea, and that is with their pelt. From the moment another puts it on, they are bonded to them until they get it back, once it returns to them, and they are able to wear it once more, they can return to the sea, back to their original form, and the partner they were once bonded with, the bond is broken, only able to be repaired if they once again gain access to the pelt and put it on, something that usually would never happen, they gained their freedom and wouldn’t return, instead warning the other selkies to stay away, in hopes of the same thing won’t be happening to them.” She finished, finally making eye contact with you, waiting to see your reaction as she slowly ran her hands over the slowly decaying fur.

Nodding your head, you wracked your brain, trying to think of when she had told you about this. But you can up with a blank, she had not ever mentioned selkies, nor did your father. Until today they were a creature you had yet to hear of, which was odd, especially seeing how your mother claims they related so deeply with the island’s culture and all. “That’s a bit grim,” you finally started, “they would take random furs in the hopes it was a selkie’s fur?” Looking up, you saw your mother nod her head. It was just a strange thing to say, they would steal and wear fur, in hopes they would get a husband or wife, an odd lore it was, possibly the oddest that you had learned regarding the island. “You said they aren’t bonded until they wear the fur, so does that mean that they are just like selkies out there without any fur, just like swimming around like mermaids or something?” You question, seeing how if your mother wanted to take the tale this far, you would just encourage her some more.

A short laugh came from your mother’s mouth. “Of course you would think of a question that isn’t covered in the story,” she started, “yet, I would assume that they do. If they lived on land, I’m sure we would realize this person with no family, home, or anything on land. Selkies are seals that can turn humans, so one would assume that they do, since seals like, have tails right?” she asked, before carrying on, taking it upon herself to preemptively answer any other questions you might have. “You might also wonder about destroying their fur, after all that was a question I had when your grandmother told me about this, but the many tales say different things. Some claim it destroys the bond, leaving the selkie feeling as though they will die if they don’t reach water within the hour, many dying from not making it. While others say it retains the bonds, but leaves the selkie unable to ever leave, they will stay bonded to that person forevermore. Yet, some tales say destroying the fur is equivalent to destroying the person, they will cease to exist, some say their memories are erased from your mind, while others claim memories of them remain but they just disappear.” she said, looking up once more. “I know it’s a lot to take in, but you know that I wouldn’t be telling you this if it wasn’t important. If it wasn’t something you need to know, especially before mother gets here.”

This was when confusion started to set in, something you needed to know before grandma got here. Why was she coming over today, why did you need to know another one of the island's tall tales before her visit, what was even going on. “Why, how is this important, is grandma gonna test me on my knowledge of our folklore or something?” you started to question, “Is she gonna ask me the selkies lore and then if I mess up be like, well you are out of my will now, or something?” it was confusing, why was it so important. These were just stories you were told as a kid, they held no importance in the adult world, except for things to tell your future children if you had any.

“It is a bit confusing my dear, but you just need to trust me, it will all make sense before long.” Was all your mother said, before she stood picking up the fur and folding it once more, well folding what was left of it. She placed it back into the dusty decaying box, closing it with a look as though that will be the last time it sees daylight. Looking over to her child, she gestures to the door. “Let’s go back downstairs, we can make some tea and snacks and wait for mother to arrive, before we continue this.”

You followed almost on autopilot, the only thing you felt at the moment was confusion, why was it so important for you to know all of this, what did grandma have to do with this, and why was all that junk shoved into the attic. These were all thoughts that ran through your mind as you went downstairs, starting to help your mother prepare for grandma’s visit. Tea in the kettle, some sandwiches and cookies placed on the platter, next to a platter of fruits and vegetables you knew would remain untouched, since your grandmother was not the time to indulge in fruits or vegetables, she would rather eat things she likes. There was one thing she always said ‘I won’t waste my caloric intake on foods I don’t like’, for being almost eighty she sure was a rowdy and rough one, bold enough to never back down from a fight, and a mouth that would make even a seasoned sailor blush.

It wasn’t long before you heard the door open, followed by a loud yell, “NOW WHERE ARE MY SWEETIES,” she yelled out. It was not something that phased you, she had a habit of calling everyone sweetie, it was often in a sweet way, but it always made you laugh when she would use it condescendingly, making people think she was some innocent little old lady, when those who knew her, know she is anything but. It wasn’t long before the kitchen door flew open, in walked a kaleidoscope of colors, she might be known for her boldness, and that even bled into her fashion taste, nothing matched, but she’d be damned if you could not recognize her from miles away. “Oh, you made some tea, did you make it how I like?” she questioned, seeing your mother nod, she accepted the answer, turning her attention to you. “Oh, look at you dearie, what are you now, thirty or so,” she started, acting like she couldn’t remember your age for a moment there, but you knew how smart she was, she wasn’t the type to forget birthdays or ages. “My, you’ve shot up like a beanstalk, well at least compared to me. My my my, my dearie, you’re all grown up now, twenty, it only seems like yesterday that you were a sweet babe crying in my arms. You were just a wee little one, now you’ve gone and all grown up on me, but you’re still my sweet little babe, no matter how old you get.” She said, taking your hand, leading you over to the table, wanting you to sit next to her. Leading you to a seat, she took her own, simply stirring her tea as your mother brought it over.

You were at a loss of words, it was not like your grandmother to get overly affectionate, she was not the doting grandmother many others had. Your earliest memory of her, was being three and she teaching you the f-word, you will never forget how red your mother became when you told her the word granny taught you, she always said if you were to inherit anything of hers, it should be her ability to make even the toughest of sailors blush within a few moments, but your mother nipped that in the bud rather quickly. As you looked over at your grandmother from your seat, you stirred your tea, unable to think of how to address this. The odd stories, the whole it’s important thing, it was just not making any sense to you. Luckily, it seemed as though your mother started to realize you were not going to say anything, so she piped up first.

“Now mother, we all know you love us, but would you maybe want to get along with it.” She said, taking a sip of her tea, “I know how much you like to spin your tales, a simple story turns into an hour long tangent, but I think the child here might be a bit too nervous for you to drag them along much longer.” Your mother said, placing a cube of sugar delicately into the tea cup, before stirring it, leaving it up for your grandmother to tell what was so important.

Grandmother was not used to taking orders, especially orders from one of her own offspring, but finally upon seeing the shade of white washing down your face, as you seemingly got cold chills, she decided to get straight to the point. “Now dearie, as you know all families have secrets, some are innocent while some are not so innocent. I mean, Mrs. Shepard down the street, her family to this day makes and sells backwoods moonshine, not that you heard it from me but it’s not strong enough. Then you remember your old school teacher, Mr. Barnes, his great grandfather was accused of kidnapping and murdering dozens of young women, he never got tried or caught, but most of us know it was true, after all he was the police chief and it was odd that each officer that accused him would end up dead by day's end. But besides that, some families have tales of murder and betrayals, while some have tales of bootleg liquor and drunks. Yet, there is another subsection of this, those who have something a bit more magical and mythical in their bloodline.” She started, drinking a bit of her tea before continuing. “You know, the imagination is a wondrous thing, it can help you create crazy stories and extravagant myths, but not every tale is as imaginary as you may think. Some things are just a bit too wild, a bit too crazy, a bit too detailed, a bit too described for them to be fake, for them to just be something created in someone’s head. They often call them myths, tales passed down from generation to generation, yet only those which are short and memorable really ever survive without being written down. Tales of giants that live in the mountains, are not true in the slightest. Tales of fae that trap humans down in the forest, not true as well. Stories of gnomes in the valley, once more, nothing more than a myth. But some tales are true, yet many may not know it.” She said, stopping once more, starting to drink her tea and eat some snacks. With the amount of talking she was going to have to do, explaining everything, she started to drink and eat, making sure to keep her energy up.

Looking at your grandmother, you had no idea how to process what you had just been told. Myths, real, unlikely. There were just so many things that don’t make sense, how would this not have been such a big thing, media coverage from all over the world now, if it was true at least. “But, what do you mean, there isn’t any way any of it can be true. I mean if it was why wouldn’t everyone know about it, someone would leak it, or tell the press. The worldwide media would be all over it, if it was true.”

Grandmother instead ignored your questions, carrying on as though you had said nothing. “To cut the bullshit short, there are two main myths that most don’t realize are real on our little island. The tales of the sirens and selkies, I know, how cute, water creatures for our little water surrounded home, but have you ever wondered how some show up with spouses that just manage to appear out of thin air, or how there are still some parts of the sea we have yet to map. How so many sailors disappear out at sea, but their spouses soon rebound with another like nothing ever happened. Oftentimes those sirens sink our ships, killing our men with their songs about their greatest desires, whether that be other women or something as stupid as a chocolate chip cookie. Selkies however are a bit more interesting, people find their furs, keeping them for when husband one or two or three or however many disappear at sea, then they have a quick and easy way to rebound, of course for the sake of the children.” she said, saying it like it was nothing, like she was not just dropping a ton of family lore information on you all at once. “Yet, dearie, our family is a bit different. We don’t use those furs as rebounds or even sometimes purposely send our husbands out on ships we know are going into the siren infested areas, yet we are involved in these myths in a secret way. I can’t tell you how far it goes back, but I remember stories from my mother about how her grandmother did this for her, how her grandmother did it for her, and how her grandmother did it for her, and here I am doing it for you.” She said, leaving off on another cliffhanger as she started to shovel food in her mouth once more.

“You probably haven’t noticed, but few in our family still remain married to their first spouse, and there is a reason for that. For as far back as I can remember, and as far back as our family has been told, our children’s first spouse is always one of mythical origins, that’s why oftentimes our families are small, it gives those my age a bit less work to do. Your father was one, your mother’s father was one, my own mother was one, and so forth. Each of us have more in common than just being related, all of us are related to selkies in some way. I know, it’s a lot to take in, but I’d rather give it to you in one big dose than in many smaller doses..” Grandma says, stopping for a second as she sees the confused look in your eyes, taking your hand, she runs her calloused thumb against the back of your hand, trying to calm you a bit before continuing. “Every time a child turns the age of twenty, their grandmother or grandfather will present them a fur that they’ve saved for them, the fur is of a selkie, the selkie which will be your first spouse. It’s a family tradition of sorts, it first started back when few lived on the islands, a way to escape the idea of marrying into your own blood, but before long it became the standard for our family, and will be the standard for you my child.”

As grandmother stopped, you looked between your mother and her horrified. “So let me get this straight, you just like steal some poor selkie’s fur and give it to your child, and we just like to get stuck with them, no way out, no exit, I just have to pass go and collect 200, I don’t get a choice in this.” You said, pulling your hand from your grandmother’s grasp, as they both nodded. “No. No, this is complete bullshit, I’m not just gonna marry someone I’ve never met, someone that I don’t love, just for some stupid tradition. Do I not matter? Do my feelings not matter? Does finding someone I actually love and care for do not matter to you?” You yelled, standing up, anger and disgust starting to build from what you had just heard. “Do I not matter? Did you only have a child to carry on this stupid archaic tradition, this barbaric thing? Did you ever think maybe they don’t want this either, you are stealing them from their life for something they didn’t want. Maybe they don’t want it either, and neither do I.” You yelled, finally having enough you ran out of the house, leaving your grandmother and mother yelling after you.

Leaving, you knew it was the better option than blowing up even worse. It was hard to think about, they planned on marrying you off to whoever’s pelt your grandmother had stolen. They planned on stealing them away from the life they lead, from the life they held, just to throw them in yours. You just found yourself running out of the house, running along the seaside until you found a small cliff on the beach, taking refuge in the rocks under the overhang. Finally you could start to try to make sense of everything they were telling you, but no matter how much you thought of it, none of it made sense. Selkies and sirens being real, what is next mermaids and the loch ness monster being real, maybe they’ll just tell you all those little myths you heard as a kid were real, since why the hell not, if a few are, all must be.

Part of your brain was hoping this was all just some elaborate prank, some idea your grandmother and mother came up with to prank you before your birthday celebration or something. But, deep down you knew it was anything but, neither of them were the pranking type, and neither would put this much effort into some old prank. They were both too serious for anything like that, and honestly even in the deepest pits of your soul, you knew they would not drop this. The small cliff was your refuge for who knows how many hours, you sat there while the sun was high in the sky, it was lower on the horizon when you finally made your way home. Rather than possibly chance talking to your mother and grandmother, you decided to run into the house and right up to your bedroom, avoiding them both for the best. However, as you made your run, you were too slow, they already knew you were there.

“Oh, so you finally came to your senses,” grandmother said snarkily as she watched you try to run in the house. Both her and mother knew you would make a break for it if you could, so they knew it would be best to intercept you before you finally could make it to the bedroom. A room where you probably would not come out of, they both knew how easily you would lock yourself up until this blew over. But sadly, this was not going to blow over, there was no punchline to this horrible joke, and they were not going to drop this topic.

Seeing your mother blocking the staircase as you heard a lock click, a sound that seemed to be coming from the front door. You could hear your mother’s sigh, it seemed as though she had taken over the whole discussion from your grandmother. “Dear, I know you don’t like this, but you have no decision on the topic. The only choice you get to make is are you going to do it willingly, or will we have to force it upon you while you are sleeping,” she said, “and don’t think we are joking, you won’t be the first person to have the fur shoved upon them while they slumber.”

A short laugh left your lips, looking between your mother and grandmother, thinking they can not be serious. But, they did not laugh, they just glowered at you, making it finally hit you, this is not a joke, they are not joking, and they are being completely serious. “Well then, I guess you’ll have to find a way to make me do it, since I can not and will not willingly put it on, no matter what you say and what you do,” you said, quickly pushing past your mother, starting upstairs.

Your mother attempted to stop you, gripping your wrist, but let it drop as you started to tug your arm. “That didn’t go how I wanted it to,” she muttered to your grandmother, “I guess we’ll have to plan something,” your mother started to say, her voice trailing off as you made it to your bedroom door.

As you enter your room, locking the door, you could not help but think of what they had said, do it or we will make you. The words resounded in your head, you really had no choice, it was take a spouse or we will force you to take a spouse. Checking the door one last time, fatigue finally hit you, and you wanted to make sure that neither woman would be coming into your room to force a coat you do not desire upon you. Satisfied that the door is locked, you fell asleep, unbeknownst to you, that they were planning something downstairs.

The planning of your mother and grandmother was quick, wait until you sleep, unlock your door, since they knew it would be locked, and force the coat on you. The plan was easier said than done, but honestly they both expected some resistance from you, you were never the ideal child, always wanting to go your own way, blaze your own path, they hated it. Why would you not just follow along like a good child and do as they told you to, it would make both your life and their lives easier, but you were too headstrong for your own good.

It was nearing midnight when they put their plan into action. You were out, and they were fast. The jacket had been forced onto your body and removed so quickly, you would have had no idea it happened had it not been for you waking to your bedroom light on and door open. It broke your heart to see that your mother and grandmother had done this, unable to accept your desires to be freed from the stupid and archaic family tradition they hold so dear. As morning came, you slipped out of the house without a word to either of them, wanting to just run as far as you could.

Coming upon the cliff that overlooks the ocean by your house, you just sat, watching the waves as they rolled, the seagulls flying about, and the boats going over the horizon, to probably never return home again. Had you been staring downwards, you would have seen him exiting the water. The distance between him and the owner of his coat had been too far for him to leave the water to find them, however as you sat on the cliff, the distance was closer, allowing him to sense your nearness. The male exited the water, pulling on a discarded shirt and pair of shorts that some man had left laying on the rock faces to dry. He then started the trek towards where his soul told him that yours sat, venturing up the rocks and the grassy cliff. For it being his first time officially on the island, he was mostly just confused, he had never gone this far from the beach. He should have honestly never left the water, but curiosity got the best of him, and that’s how your grandmother was able to steal his coat with such ease.

His footsteps were what you heard first, they let you know someone was nearing you, and you knew it had to be whoever the poor soul that was bound to you was. Standing, you took his figure in first, he was tall and honestly quite handsome in the face. If you had met in other circumstances, you would have probably attempted to make a move, but given the circumstances you were under, that idea quickly left your mind.

Looking him in the eye, you felt confused, angered, and just lost. You did not plan on putting on his fur, you did not plan on ever having to see a fur again, you just did not want this one bit. But, of course your grandmother was not joking as she wrestled the fur onto your body as you were half asleep, she especially was not joking after your initial refusal, no one ever said no, and she was not going to let you start. This was not what you wanted, and you knew this was not what he wanted, being bound to some complete stranger for the rest of his life. Part of you just wanted to return the fur, but you had no idea where they had hidden it, your mother probably knew you would just give it back if they left it with you, you can not exactly blame them for thinking ahead well enough to know what you would do. Yet, here you stood now, no fur in hand, just him standing across from you, while you rack your brain of what to do.

First they throw this whole selkie thing on you, then they throw out that your father was a selkie, then they add a little spice and say you have to marry a selkie as well. Generation after generation, your family married selkies, it was a family tradition at this point, but some traditions are meant to be broken, and this is one you wish was. Your family had expected you to accept it without any second thoughts, to just fall in love with this selkie man or woman and get married and have children and just the whole nine yards like they did. You wanted to be the last subjected to this bizarre tradition, but part of you at the same time, did not want it to end. That forbidden part of you had started to feel for him, feelings that you swore you would never feel, feelings that you swore to yourself would never happen. You could not fall for him, you would not fall for him, and you will not under any circumstance love him.

While you were having your moral dilemma, Jo was mostly confused, he had not been in this human world long enough to adjust to anything. He mostly knew of tales from the others, and stories for those few that returned. He did not completely understand why you seemed to hold such a disdain for him, why you did not seem to like him so much. He had not done anything for you to hate him so much, and if he had, he did not know what it could have been.

The start of the relationship was rocky, as any relationship with someone you just met and was told is your spouse would be. Weeks were spent under the watchful eye of your mother and grandmother, the two of them wanting to make sure you could be trusted before giving you any semblance of freedom. Being monitored day in and day out was something you hated, and while you knew little about the man you were spending that time with, you felt he probably hated it as well. Once you had gained their trust, after the first month, your grandmother gifted you her oceanside cottage, claiming it was the perfect place for a young couple to grow closer, but you knew their real motives, the perfect place for a young couple to start a family. That was all they really wanted, another child or two of you could continue this tradition.

Living with Jo was awkward at first, he was unsure how to act around humans, and how to live as one. Meanwhile you were trying to keep assure him you did not want this either, but you always felt like those words meant nothing to him. The way he’s glance at you was almost like he was thinking otherwise, but you ignored it, marking it off as he just not knowing how to show his true feelings around a human.

Throughout time, the two of you grew closer, and Jo became comfortable with the idea of living with you forever. On weekend mornings you would teach Jo how to make various breakfast foods and how to use the appliances around the house, introducing him to a variety of foods he had never seen, pancakes, waffles, and all other sorts of things. Weekday nights, the two of you would make dinner tonight, Jo usually trying the best he can to help. From cooking to cleaning, you had to show him everything, which was expected, it was not like he exactly cleans the kitchen in the sea.

The days passed and the two of you started to feel closer than just two people living together. Moments became more domestic, Jo replicating what he had seen couples do on the television shows and movies you would have him watch with you. He would wrap his arms around your waist as you cooked dinner, chin resting on your shoulder. If anyone was gazing in through the open curtains they would have assumed the two of you were a cute loving couple, and honestly, part of your heart was wishing you were as well. Throughout the days, you started to fall, he was kind with you, gentle with his motions, and it was everything you wanted, but not with him, not like this. The thoughts of finding someone you would love with your whole heart who would love you back was something you always fantasized about as a child, as most people would. The idea of true love being the desire of many, but you did not desire to feel these feelings with someone that you knew would never love you. As long as you were the soul he was bound to, he would never love you, you knew he would only see you as the owner of his coat, and that if given the chance he would have taken it without a second thought and escaped back into the sea. But, as you started to fall, you only wished there was a way to stop, since by the time your heart hit the floor it would be too late.

Time passed, the two of you becoming even more domestic, the ideal of a perfect couple still in the honeymoon phase. But, with each movement and motion, your heart fluttered, the butterflies in your stomach would erupt, letting you know that when you finally allowed him to be free as he should be, it would hurt you more than you would want to admit.

Mornings were spent cuddled up in bed, his arm holding you to his chest, the position felt so familiar, so comfortable. His presence brought you comfort, but that might have just been because of the whole bound souls thing, so ignoring those feelings were what you did most of the time. Midday would be spent enjoying lunch on the beach with him. The two of you would prepare lunch, then enjoy a picnic on the beachside, unless it was raining. His hand fit into yours just like a puzzle piece finding its match, the way he could easily envelope both of your hands within a single one of his made your heart skip a beat each time, as he would easily wrap his fingers around your own, your heart would skip a beat. Evenings were spent laying in his arms, back resting against his chest as his arms pulled you closer, with his chin resting on your shoulder. The feeling of being in his arms was euphoric, the feeling was one that one would assume to only feel while in the grasp of their one true love, but you knew better than to become accustomed to the joy you felt within his grasp.

Watching movies until late at night became a normal routine for the two of you. Jo would lay with you in his arms, the television playing some random movie that would captivate his attention, until either the two of you would fall asleep or you would. When you would fall asleep, usually you would wake up in your bed, Jo having carried you there, knowing it is a more comfortable place to sleep. Other times the two of you would awake on the couch in the morning, complaining about back pain and saying you need to make it to the bed next time, knowing you would just repeat the same actions all over again. Tonight the movie on the television was a generic romance movie, the couple falling in love, facing trials and tribulations, before finally kissing and living happily ever after.

Watching the movie, it was nothing that left a mark on your mind, the stereotypical romance movie being something you have seen many times before, however for Jo, each movie was like a new look into how humans lived, how they acted, how they loved. Watching as the two main characters laid arm in arm, reminded him of the two of you, how you sat against his chest in that moment. Their actions were things he often replicated, hugging you, cuddling you, resting his chin against your shoulder, holding your hands, and so forth. As the two main characters kissed, the thought came to his mind, maybe you would like that.

When his coat was first stolen, he heard stories from the other selkies that he would be miserable, that he would be bound to someone that probably just wanted a servant. He had feared that, the stories from the others being all he had known about humans. The tales of them stealing coats, binding you to them, before turning them into nothing more than unpaid help, unable to leave, unable to have what they want, just stuck doing whatever their owner wants them to for eternity, until they either find their coat and escape or die.

But, Jo was shocked when he saw the person his heart was bound to, expecting an aging person, he was surprised to find that they were his own age. He was shocked even more when he found out they did not want this either, the story you told him about how your mother and grandmother forced his coat onto you in your sleep. Throughout the time with you, he started to feel these odd feelings, feelings like he did not want to leave you, like he enjoyed being here, enjoyed being with you. Replicating what he saw on television, what the couples would do, it all felt so natural to him. The feeling of you in his arms was a wonderful thing, something he did not think he should enjoy, but he oddly did. As the movie you were watching caught his attention, he found himself wondering once more, as he replicated all these things he viewed on television with you, he had never done that. Watching the two main characters kiss, he gazed down at your face, as your head rested on his shoulder. He started to wonder if he should do it, before finally deciding to just do it, assuming you would like it, seeing how you seemed to react positively to all the other actions he has done after seeing the loving couples on television do them.

Reaching down, you felt a soft grasp on your chin, his hand easily tilting your head up to face his own. His lips first met your forehead, a gentle kiss on your forehead, it was comforting. The motion filled your stomach with butterflies, as you could feel yourself falling more and more into his embrace, falling deeper and deeper in love with the man who you knew could never love you back. His lips did not stop there, the next time you felt them on your skin was as his lips brushed against your own. Despite the rational part of your brain telling you to not react, you found your lips moving against his.

It was an odd feeling as his lips touched yours for the first time, you did not plan on forcing him to stay with you longer than necessary, yet here you were kissing him. Despite how Jo was making you feel, you just had to push that thought to the back of your mind. He was not doing this out of love, how could he love you, you were just some random person that put on his fur. He was just bonded to you, doing this out of some deep seeded need to satisfy who he was bonded to, it was nothing more than that, and would never be. Or, at least that is what you told yourself, just before you pushed yourself away from him, leaving him alone in the living room, before sulking up to your own room, to think about what you were going to do some more.

Despite how he made you feel, you pushed all those feelings aside, he did not deserve to have to live his life out here where he did not belong just because someone decided to steal him away from where he once belonged. It took months, the two of you acting like a sweet domestic couple. Cuddling throughout your time together, sharing kisses at random points throughout the day. To any onlooker, they would think you were a sweet little couple, but instead you knew this was all just to gain the trust of your mother and grandmother, gain access to his coat, and allow him to return to the sea where he belongs. But his arms start to feel like they belong around your waist, like his lips are made to be pressed against your own.

You can not say that it was an easy decision, it was not something you just decided overnight, or even over a few hours. It has been a good month or longer of you weighing the pros and cons. Pro, you felt like he really did love you, con, he might have only ‘loved’ you since you were the owner of his fur. Pro, he was nice and you loved being around him, con, he might have only been nice to you since he knew you had what was keeping him from returning to the sea. Pro, you genuinely enjoyed being around him, con, he was probably only doing what he had to do to trick you into giving his fur back. Pro, you were in love with him, con, you were in love with him.

Maybe you were too selfless for your own good, maybe you should have been selfish for once, maybe you should have taken what you wanted, rather than letting it go. You however, could not find yourself doing that, he did not belong to you, he belonged to the sea, and that is where he should be, and where he will be returning. The night before, you found yourself in his arms, it was a thing you had fought so hard against, showing him any love or any emotion. But, you found yourself feeling safe, feeling at home, as his large frame enveloped yours as you lay on the sofa in your living room with him. His lips met yours for seemingly the last time, you actually allowed yourself to get lost in the kiss, before you know it you have turned around, your arms wrapping around his neck, while his hands were against your back, pulling you closer to him. Despite your mind telling you to stop, you did not, you knew that it would make what you would be doing in the morning hurt even more, yet you could not stop. His lips slotted against yours with such perfection, like the two of you were soulmates, meant to be together. But, as badly as you wanted nothing more than to stay in his arms for the rest of your life, you knew he should not be here.

Against all your efforts, you had fallen for him, but you knew he did not belong here, he did not belong to you. It was not long before your lips finally separated from his, resting your head against his chest, he ran his hand over your back, the two of you were serene, it was peaceful in these moments. Part of you wanted this to last longer, to enjoy moments like this forever, but your mind was made up, and you were not going to change it. Before long, he was asleep, it was then you decided to get what you would need the next morning. Untwining yourself from his arms, you made your way upstairs, to the attic. You had finally gained your mother’s trust just a few weeks ago, her and your grandmother were proud of your progress, and she thought you had just accepted your fate.

The box had not been up there long enough for any dust to settle on it, compared to the rest of the items in the attic. Despite it having been up here for a month, you had not even seen the fur, seeing how your mother and grandmother forced it on you while you were asleep, you never saw it even then. As you started to pull it from the box, you noticed it was not hidden, it was not placed in secret, nor was it hidden in some back corner. Jo could have easily found it had he wanted to, that made you think that maybe he did not want to leave, maybe he wanted to stay with you, be with you, be yours. But, no, he would have taken it and ran had he found it, your mind started making up reasons for you to follow through with your plan. Pulling it from the box, you found yourself running your fingers over it, the silky shiny black fur soft to the touch. Holding it close to your chest, you realized it smelled just like him, which should not be surprising, but you still were. The fur felt like home to you, like it was supposed to be yours, like he was supposed to be with you. The thoughts and feelings of love started to fill your mind, ideas of how maybe you two were meant to be, but you killed these thoughts just as they started to fill your mind. Letting your hands drop it back into the box, you looked down at the fur, picking up the box, deciding that this was it, tomorrow you would give it back, and you would allow him to go and be free. You made your way back downstairs, placing the box under the stairs by the table, you made your way back to him. Sitting down by him, you immediately found yourself in his arms once more, as he wrapped his arms around you, clinging to you, you found yourself falling asleep.

It was not long before you awoke to a light shining in through a window, straight into your eyes. Starting to awake, you realized you were not where you fell asleep last night, seeing your bedroom rather than your living room. Jo must have woken up in the night, and carried you up to bed. Realizing this, you immediately sat up with a jerk, he had to have seen the box, he probably took the fur and ran while you slept. Despite giving it back to him being your plan, part of you hurt from the idea that he took it without even a goodbye. Those thoughts all died down, as you felt two hands grab you by your waist, before they wrapped around your stomach, pulling you back down. He had not left in the dark of the night, and he did not seem to want you to leave in the light of the day, as he held you close, going back to sleep once you were against him again.

You let him have a moment, before you sat up, turning to shake his shoulder. “Wake up,” you said, deciding to get this over with now, rather than later. Knowing yourself you would probably manage to talk yourself out of your current plan if you waited any longer. Untangling yourself from his arms, you pulled on a jacket, not even bothering to get dressed this early in the morning. “Wake up,” you said again, shaking him once more, attempting to jostle him from his slumber. “I have a surprise for you,” you added, finally getting him to wake up, sitting up, he started to wake, following you.

Starting downstairs, you could hear him talking, probably asking you something but you were so far away, you heard nothing but incoherent noises. Picking up the box, you started to walk out the door, over to the water, as Jo followed you, confused. You could once again hear him talking, but you could not make out anything he said, or maybe you just did not want to hear it, maybe you were just ignoring what he said, so he could not stop you, so he could not change your plan. Finally stopping next to the water, you turned to him, waiting for him to be closer to you before you spoke. Part of you knew you would break if you had to repeat it, you would fail and forget your plan, settling for the safety and feeling of home you found within his arms, rather than letting him return to the water. “I have something for you,” you told him, opening the box and pulling the fur out.

Confusion was on Jo’s face, this was not part of what the other selkies had told him. They claimed once taken, they would more than likely never get it back, they would have to steal it back, but here they were, just giving him his back. “What,” he started to ask, before being cut off as it was shoved into his arms. Huffing he took the item, looking into your eyes, he started to question it, “Are you sure?” The confusion evident in his voice, this wasn’t part of what he had been prepared for, part of what all the elders had told him, what he had learned about when he started to come to the land.

Nodding your head, “Just take it,” you said, forcefully shoving the fur into his chest, giving him little time to react other than to just take it. “It’s yours,” you started, your voice starting to crack, as the weight of what you were doing finally hit you, “You don’t belong here, you belong out there, and I’ll be damned if I’m the old holding you back from where you are supposed to be.” You found yourself holding back tears, you did not want to see him go, but you could not stop him, “I love you, but you’re not mine to choose to keep,” you whispered, hoping he didn’t hear you. Whether or not he heard, you did not know, as you soon felt a hand under your chin, raising your face to reach his. You found his lips against yours, returning the kiss you started to regret everything you were doing, but you knew it was right, at least that’s what you told yourself. Pulling yourself away from him, “Just go,” slipped from your lips before the more sensible part of your mind could take over. He seemed unwilling, almost like he did not want to leave, “Just go,” you repeated, as you saw the hesitation in his eyes. You both stood there for a few minutes, whispers telling him to just go fell from your lips every now and then, it was not long before he finally got the hint, and into the water he went. Fur on, he turned back into his original form, a selkie. It was only then you let the tears from your eyes fall, hoping he couldn’t see them, but unknown to you, he saw them all, the tears, the sobs that came after, but the ocean called to him as it was his home. But, within his heart, you were also his home. The weeks, he had fallen just as you had, learning that not all stories the elders tell about the humans are true.

Part of your heart aches as you watch him swim away. You start to wish you had kept the fur, you had kept him with you, you had retained the bond. Against your wishes and desires, you had started to fall for him, butterflies in your belly, blush upon your cheeks, and a blurry mind whenever you thought of him. But, as they say, if you love something you need to let it go. You could already hear your mother’s words in your head when you got back, idiot, stupid, and do not know how to appreciate what they have. In this moment, you were all the above, but most of all you were missing Jo. Which as they say, if it was meant to be, he would return to you one day, and until that one day, you would wait for him. No matter how long it took, even if he never found his way back to you again, you would never love another, and your heart would always ache for him, the one you believe is genuinely your one true love.

[seungkwanslowqualityenglish]

Whispers Within The Woods

✿ Synopsis: Nana always told you stories of the mythological creatures that lived in the world. Some were of the kindness and joy held by some, while others were of the pain and suffering caused by others. You however never really listened to those stories, but as you end up in his territory, you really wish you would have.

✿ Who: Nakakita Yuma (&Team) x Reader ✿ Word Count: 7,629 ✿ Genre: Fantasy(specifically fae)/Angst ✿ Warnings: Grandparent death, forced kissing, parent death, beheading, blood, mythical creatures, forced relationship. ✿ Request: No ✿ I've been inactive for a while, but I'm back and writing again. Not proofread. Just a little Yuma fic I came up with when I had writers block from my other fic I'm writing. Enjoy Luné, also in need of Luné friends so hmu.

Nana’s bedtime stories were never conventional. Instead of hearing epics about princes going to the ends of the earth to save their princess or about anthropomorphic animals, you often heard a totally different type of story. The tales were not about how love can conquer all or how love can survive in a hopeless place. No stories about commoners falling love with royals or people finding out there is more to life than material greed. Instead, your nana told you stories about things others would call mythology or mystical creatures. Tales of fairies and their deeds, epics of dragons and phoenixes, and stories about werewolves and vampires. All the creatures of mythical creation, the stories that started centuries ago, are oftentimes told as ways to terrify children from acting out, or to keep people from going where they should not.

As a child, others heard stories about Tinkerbell and her legion of fairies, the kind and benevolent fairies that do all they can to help others. However, the ones in your Nana’s stories were anything but helpful or kind or benevolent. The tales of the seelie and unseelie courts were her favorite to tell, as you laid in bed drifting to sleep. She would tell you of the kind seelie faeries, how they help those who help them, the tales of how they protect children from danger, and how once they protect you, you will forever have their protection. When crossing into seelie territory, it is best to make an offering of something sweet, specifically sweets or berries, or something shiny, like jewelry, that will show them that you mean no harm, and if they take a liking to you luck and happiness will follow you. The seelie fairies were always kind to children, and kind to adults who leave offerings to them, she always said if you pass into a fairy ring, you better hope it is of the seelie, for they are more forgiving and will accept a heartfelt apology.

The tales she told of the unseelie were drastically different. Nana often said little regarding the unseelie, only what she felt was necessary, just enough to keep you terrified of them, to keep you away from them. They were the exact opposite of the seelie, just as unkind and rude as one would expect. They take pleasure in causing pain on others, will lead children into danger, and adults into harm. When crossing into unseelie territory, make an offering of something different, things like wine or beer, maybe bread or jewelry, but nothing too sweet or too shiny, and just hope and pray they accept the offering and do you no harm. If they reject your offering, you will be plagued with bad luck and misfortune, sorrow and misery will follow you around until you get yourself expunged of the unseelie curse.

Nana talked about the second hand accounts of those who have entered unseelie reigned territory and had offerings rejected, stories of mischief and violence that followed those poor people. The stories were enough to warrant you to keep your distance, thankfully Nana seemed to know which places were claimed to be seelie and unseelie territory. It was odd, however you did not question it. A more inquisitive child would have questioned it, but from a young age you found it best to not question Nana nor her delusions. Since, after all, any sane person would not be telling their children and grandchildren to avoid massive parts of the forest due to little fairies, creatures that do not even exist.

Despite your skepticism, you never once questioned her, listening intently, even as you aged, to her stories. Nana’s tales of the kindness of the fairies, she would claim the seelie court protected the Kim’s kid from being majorly injured when he wrecked his bicycle, when the truth was he just fell off the road onto the grass, not really something to injure himself badly on. She also had tales of the opposite, claiming that Mr. Park’s failure at obtaining and keeping a job, being terminated from three positions within five months, was because he angered the unseelie court and the fae followed him causing misfortune.

At the age of fifteen, Nana’s stories intensified, no longer was it just the faes are bad and fairies are good, avoid the fae and befriend the fairies. The tales to never take anything from a fae, how it is a trick. That was how they apparently tricked people into staying in their territory, by consuming something of fae origin, usually a treat or drink they made, it would be infused with a nectar that once consuming it you would be unable to leave their territory, stuck, bound to whichever fae decided to make you their pet. It was only after telling you all of these stories, that she told you about her own father, Nana never spoke about her dad, and you never met your great grandfather, he having died before your birth. But, she had a good reason for mentioning him to you, telling you his story, letting you know just why she was so worried about you as a child being in the forest behind the house, why she was so worried about the fairies and faes.

“Your great grandfather, my dad, he was a great man, but he was not the brightest, he often did things without thinking, and he did something incomprehensibly stupid. Just before your birth, he was sick, he knew he did not have long left, he did something unthinkable when he found out he only had days to live. When my father was younger, he was collecting firewood and for our woodstove, he unknowingly walked into the seelie’s territory. He made an offering of the only thing he had on him that wasn’t his ax, it was a necklace, he had bought it for my mother, and planned to give it to her that night. It was due to that necklace that he made it home that night, but when he found out he only had days to live, he did the unthinkable. He went into the unseelie territory, he stole it right from under the fae’s noses. Usually they would have just cursed him and caused him misery, but seeing how he was dying, he was dead before they could really cause him any pain. You must never go out into the forest, not near where they reign, they must never find out who you are related to, for if they knew, they would cause the most horrible of fates to befall you, and would avenge their loss. The Unseelie Court is unforgiving, they will never forget those who wronged them, and do everything in their power to get revenge.” Nana said, her delusions getting worse and worse, now she believed they had cursed her father and wanted revenge. “You must promise me to never cross the bramble bush surrounded river, to cross those brambles would put you in grave danger.”

It was easier to promise the elderly lady than try to make sense of her nonsensical ramblings. Avenge their loss, revenge against your great grandfather, a stolen necklace, all pure malarkey. As you aged, you wondered why you had to get a delusional grandmother like this, other’s grandmothers drowned their delusion in the bottle or with pills, but yours instead let hers run free.

By the age of eighteen the tales and stories she would tell you were nothing more than distant memories and thoughts. You were consumed with much more important things, colleges and applications, your future, more than just the silly stories your Nana would tell you. As you planned to move away, start your life, attend college, get a degree, get a job, and leave this small forest town, it was a dream to be away from all of this, the crazy stories, and just everything.

Moving away however did not last long, being called back into your hometown not even a year after making the move. It was your father’s insistence that brought you back, he was never an emotional man, and when he is close to tears, it is a signal that something is bad or something is getting bad. As you entered the house you so willingly vacated a year prior, you saw the chaotic scene. Dad running around, mom trying to calm him, some random person in scrubs attempting to calm him as well, and a second person in scrubs leaving a specific room, your Nana’s room. It only took a minute for your mother to catch sight of you, quickly pulling you aside, destined to catch you up to date of what was happening.

Initially unable to even start, your mother was hasty with her words, “Your Nana, she’s fallen ill. They say it was sudden, they never saw it coming, she has days if even that to live. She has asked for nothing but you this whole time, we worried you would not get home in time to see her. Please, go to her, there’s not long.” With that, the usually strong woman in front of you burst into tears, this time it was your father trying to calm her down, as he simply nodded your way, even his own cheeks were tear stained.

Entering your grandmother’s room the scene was a sight for sore eyes. The vibrant and lively woman that once used to talk for hours on the fae and fairies, she had sullen, sunken eyes, and boney features looking ghostly compared to the image of her that remained in your mind. The once bright woman now seemed as though she could barely sit, watching as she slowly lifted her frail hand, you knew that your thoughts were true, she could not sit up on her own accord. She was so lively when you last saw her, within the past year it was like she had aged tenfold, easily looking twice the age she was when you parted ways last year.

Quickly sitting by her bedside, she clutched your hands as harshly as she could. “My dear,” Nana started, pausing to look at the nurse still in the room. With that cue, you were left alone with the aging relative. “It seems my hourglass is running out, but I’m glad to see you one last time.” She said, her frail hand quickly coming up, caressing the side of your face before falling once more. Reaching into her pocket, she fished something out of it, as her hand joined her other, grasping your hand. “I must give you this. You must hide it. Don’t let them see you wearing it. You must remember everything I’ve taught you, those stories were all true, and you must hand them down to your children when it’s time, as I have with you. This necklace as well, it must be given to the one who will care for it the most. I have faith in you my dear. You won’t let your dear Nana down.”

You were unable to even start talking to her, as she removed her hands from yours, you put the necklace in your jacket pocket. Starting to open your mouth, ready to say something, anything back. The soft aged voice of your grandmother cut through the silence, “Will you go get my nurse, I’m in need of some more medicine.”

With a nod, you stood, “Of course,” you replied, quickly starting to exit the room, hearing your Nana mutter something about how her last few grains of sand have passed through the hourglass. Leaving the room, you notified the nurses, one of them entered the room, and started working. It was not even two minutes later that the nurse called for the other two, as they ran into the room, everyone knew something was going wrong, everyone knew that Nana was gone. It took ten minutes before any of the nurses exited the room, confirming what the three of you already knew, she was gone.

Tears flowed for the next few days, the stage of mourning was horrible for everyone. Nana was deeply loved within the family and within the community. Even after a month passed, you found yourself unable to return to college, the future you once dreamed of seemed worthless if you did not have your Nana there to cheer you on. Instead of returning to the city, you decided to stay home, claiming it was to help your parents.

One day after helping your mother clean the house, you found yourself outside after she left for work. Slipping your jacket on, you did something for the first time in your life, you took a walk throughout the forest. Nana’s stories of the dangers and frights were forgotten as you passed throughout the trees. Fingertips grazing the green leaves on the tree branches, the birds chirping made the ambiance a wonderful place. Shoving one hand into your jacket pocket, you started to wonder why you never went into the forest before. As you thought, a cold metallic item hit your finger, pulling the item out, it was the necklace that your grandmother had given you. Without a second thought of her words or her warning, you simply put the item on. The metal was cold against your skin, but it felt welcome as you stood in the bright sunlight.

Unbeknownst to you, despite the deep trek into the forest, you were not alone. As you stood sunbathing in the sunlight, a figure watched you from afar. They were absolutely enamored by your beauty, fascinated by what stood in front of them, their mind only had one desire in it at that moment to see you on your knees by his side for eternity, his eternal little plaything, since once he has his hands on you, you will never be able to get away from him. The male figure continued to observe you from his spot hidden amongst the trees, the vines and bramble giving him a wonderful spot to remain hidden from. As he stared, something caught his eye, something shiny. Eyes nearing in on it, and he realized what it was, the necklace that adorned the neck of the beautiful person he was watching. Staring more, he started to make the small item out, a wave of realization washed over him, that necklace, it had to be the one that was stolen from his father all those years ago. His father always told him about it, it was stolen before he was born, but he had heard about it so much, it was like seeing something that had been explained in such explicit detail. In that moment, he knew there would be no chance you would get away from him, once he had the chance, you would be his.

The sunlight started to fade, it grew colder and darker as you tried to find your way out of the forest. If this was the reason your Nana told you to stay from the forest, you would have understood it. The darkness was hard to navigate, but instead she told you ridiculous stories, fairies and fae, what nonsense. It was nothing other than old wives tales, like those who said their children were stolen by wolves and foxes to explain why their young children disappeared or passed. Finally finding your way out, had you heeded Nana’s warning, you would have realized long ago you set foot into his territory, but he let you leave for now, since before long you will find your way to him, and then he will not let you leave.

Returning home, you found yourself desiring to return to the forest, to the trees. They were calling you, it was unexpected, and confusing. You had spent your whole life in fear of those trees, in fear of the fae that lived within them, or at least the fae your Nana claimed lived within them. But here you were, desiring to be under the treetops once more, a need to venture further and further into the darkness within the branches. A desire to get lost within the trees, and a fleeting idea of getting lost and never coming back.

As you fell asleep, the ideas filled your mind, calling you back into the trees, back into the darkness. Your dream was plagued with visions of the trees, you walking further and further into the trees, easily going three times further than you had today. You found yourself in a stream, crystal clear water running through your fingertips, as the wind blew your hair around, but then there was a feeling placing your hair back. Turning, you saw no one, but you could have sworn someone was fixing your hair from the wind’s actions. Fingers intertwined with another’s fingers, but their face unknown, their figure escaping your vision. The feeling was fleeting, the hand left yours, before the sound of leaves moving met your ears. They were running, soon you were as well, running after them, a game, a chase, something, you were unsure of what, but you were doing it. As you felt the tree branches scraping your skin, and then brambles tearing small holes in your clothing, you found yourself in front of a river, on the other side stood a man. The man’s features were a blur, the only thing you could tell for certain was his dark black hair and his sharp cat like eyes peering at you from behind the veil of bangs. Unable to stop yourself, you crossed the river, it was not as deep as you thought it should be, oddly enough it also was not running, the water stagnant and unmoving. As the water seeped into your shoes, you realized, on your feet were no shoes, instead the water washed away dirt and blood from them, caused by your trek through the forest with no shoes on. The water mesmerized momentarily, before you felt the water slowly crawling up your pants, soaking the material that was underwater, and dampening what was not. Looking up, you saw him once more, something was drawing you to him, it was like a rope pulling you closer and closer to the unknown man. Unable to stop the pull, you were like a moth to a flame, despite the cool sooth of the water, your feet started to move once more. The stones in the river stabbed at your feet as you crossed, but that slowed you down none. Stepping onto the dirt, your down damp feet struggled to find their footing, slipping on the mud you had created. Hitting the ground never came however, as arms were around you, keeping you from falling. Despite having not hit the ground, your mind however did hit a wall, fading into darkness as your body went limp.

Upon waking you immediately knew something was off, the thing you were laid on was not your bed, it was hard and felt like a bed of sticks. As you opened your eyes, it was what you had felt, the sharp edges of discarded branches stabbed you in the back as you shifted, starting to sit up. The odd dream the night before came to mind, it felt so realistic and lifelike. Running through the forest, standing in the water, the wind blowing your hair; but one part of it was a mystery, a figure you believed accompanied you; yet, he was just that, a figure in the shadows.

As you attempt to stand, a harsh pain stops the attempt, gazing downwards, you see your feet, dirt covered, and small cuts that were no longer bleeding visible. The thought it was reality caused you to fall to the ground, all the memories flooding your mind as though it was just a dream. The mild crisis you were undergoing was cut short however, as you heard footsteps of another. Finally assessing where you were, it looked like a little hideaway made of fallen branches and leaves. Attempting to hide, you hoped whatever it was would pass on, hopefully not get a scent of the human here and leave without a word. As attempts to remain silent were made, the thought of how did you get here filled your thoughts. The river was the last place you were, and now you were here, in someone’s little hideaway. Someone had to be with you previously, and they brought you here. The man you felt compelled to go around, it had to have been him, if only you could remember what he looked like, if only your mind had not cursed you by only bringing up the memory of a shadow like figure.

The footsteps stopped as someone stood at the entrance of the hideaway. “Hey, I’m not gonna hurt you,” called out a soft male voice. Before you saw the face behind the voice, unconsciously your body shifted back, trying to hide slightly more against the tree branches and leaves. His hand entered before his body, a bottle of what looked like water in it, almost like he was offering you a peace offering, before finally fully entering within the space you were in. He did not set off any red flags in your mind, he had soft looking fluffy black hair, and his smile featured a snaggletooth. If you had met him in one of your classes or out on the streets, you would have thought he was pretty attractive, but having met him in this situation, it was quite different.

You made no motion towards him, and he seemed to expect that, instead of moving towards you, he just sat where he stood. “I think you may have been sleepwalking or something,” He started, almost like he was trying to explain to you what happened. “I just found you on the side of the river bank asleep.” He added, as though it would bring any more comfort to his words. “I didn’t want to just leave you there, so I brought you here, so you wouldn’t be exposed to all the elements.” He continued, nothing he said brought you comfort, despite the beauty of the face saying them. “I just went to grab you this, I thought you might be thirsty, you seemed really out of it earlier.”

There was no attempt made to grab the bottle. Despite the explanations, it still made no sense. At no point in life had sleepwalking been a trait within anyone in your family, and unless stress brought it on, you had no idea how else you ended up out here. The refusal to move towards him and refusal to respond to him must have irritated the boy, as instead of trying to get you to take the bottle again, he simply sat it down, and stood up. “I’ll just give you some time then.” He said, before making his exit as quickly as he did his entrance.

You sat, silent, still, and thirsty for about ten minutes. Only then did it get the best of you, you reached over, grabbing the bottle without a second thought. Had you been in a better state of mind, you would have tried to run, but with everything happening, it seemed like your brain was just not functioning as normal. As the bottle met your hands, you quickly pulled the cap off, not even taking note of how it had already been opened previously. The bottle was immediately drained as it met your lips, after the first sip, you found yourself unable to stop, and soon the bottle was empty. With that, you finally found yourself able to stand and walk somewhat. Exiting the hideaway, looking around, you found yourself unable to pinpoint where you were in the forest. Deciding you might as well just start walking, you would find home or someone else soon.

Not even three minutes into walking, you saw him again, he was sitting there on a large rock with his back to you. Had he been facing you, the first thing that would have caught your eye was the large smirk gracing his face. He had known the moment you drank the bottle of liquid, he also knew it now meant you were unable to leave him. As he turned, his eyes immediately found yours. “Thank you,” You softly muttered, watching as he stood up. He started to walk near you, as he did you felt a warm feeling start to fill your chest, it butterflying out and spreading throughout your body, filling each and every crevice with this warm feeling. The warm feeling desired one thing and one thing only, the feeling of being in this man’s arms. You felt no fight as he neared you, a hand soft brushing hair from your face.

“Are you okay?” He asked, as the warm feeling turned to burning. The burning started within your chest and took over your whole body like a wildfire, it was not gently building like the warmth did, instead it was a raging storm that was unstoppable. Unable to hold your own body weight up, you collapsed, only to be caught by two very familiar arms. “Stupid little one, you should know better than to take drinks from strangers.” He said, carrying the figure in his arms back to the hideaway.

The darkness fading from your mind this time, you did not awaken to the sharp branches stabbing your back, instead you awoke to what felt like warmth. A warmth behind you, an arm around you, a hand on your forehead, almost as though someone was concerned for you. Sitting up with a start, desire to rid yourself of whoever it was on you, you turned to see the man again. “What.” You started, unable to continue your thought as you felt his hand on your forehead once more.

The man had taken to playing the role, the concerned stranger, he knew he would not reveal the truth until later, it was almost too much fun to play you like this. “Are you okay?” He questioned, “You took a nasty fall. You just passed out. I guess everything is just a bit too much for you. Luckily I was there to catch you. I’d hate for you to fall onto the cold hard ground.” He seemed almost concerned, as he reached over, to grab another bottle, passing it to you without much being said.

Taking the bottle, some desire overcame you, you opened it, draining it as you had the one before. “Thank you,” You said, watching as the male nodded. You were still unsure of what was going on, sleep walking, fainting, it was just all unlike you, but it must be the stress. It had to be all the stress caused by your grandmother’s passing. “Thank you,” You started again, stopping before giving him a confused look, realizing you did not even know his name, to thank him for his kindness.

It was almost as though he could read your mind however, since he quickly told you what you had been wondering. “Yuma,” He said, “My name is Yuma.” He told you. As he watched you pass the bottle back over to him, he grabbed another. “I brought a few once you passed out, I assumed you’d be really thirsty, since you are pretty far out here.” He explained, watching as you drank bottle after bottle. One bottle was enough to make you never be able to leave him, but he would make sure you never wanted to leave him. While, sadly he knew it could take a while to take effect, he would just have to keep you preoccupied until it did.

Yuma was one to never be told no, growing up as the Fae Prince, everyone feared what his father might do to them if they told the fair prince no, and those who did found out with a slow and painful death. When he wanted to take his father’s throne, his own father told him no, only then had he faced this blind rage that left his hands blood covered and his father’s head rolling on the floor. He always got what he wanted, and he would not change now. He would make sure not only would you not leave him, but that you would want him, you would be able to deny any part of him, and he would be the only thing occupying your simple little mind.

“Yuma,” You repeated, before telling him your own name, watching as he nodded, a look on his face seemed like he already knew your name, but you did not question it. As you sat on the ground, you wanted to ask him something, just anything, moving the bottle from one hand to another, you found yourself staring up at him. “How did you find me? You said you found me on the river bank. Why were you out this far?” It took all your courage to ask the obvious, but part of your mind told you that it was stupid to ask, and that you should instead just be thankful he found you.

Yuma had expected this, the middle of the forest was not exactly the place most people hang out for fun, at least where humans stay. “Oh, I was just out on a morning walk, I don’t live too far from here,” He started, which while it was a lie, it also was not, he did not live far from here, and he technically was on a walk in the morning. “I think you’ve made it a lot farther into the woods than you think you did, since we aren’t that far from some other houses.”

Nodding, you accepted the answer, despite something in your mind telling you to not. After that, the silence remained for several moments, you not saying anything, and neither did he. It was an uncomfortable silence however, as your mind was on red alert, he was a stranger, he was in the middle of the woods, and he was just odd. But, those red flags soon started to fade, from pink to white, as your mind started to become fuzzy. The warmth from earlier happened again, but instead of growing, it immediately became a blazing fire, consuming your entire being. The heat however did not last, as quickly as it came, it was replaced with a freezing chill. The chill drains each and every bit of energy from your body. “I don’t feel so well.” You muttered, as you felt your head sway. The feeling was as though you were fainting, but you were sitting on the ground, confused as to how this was happening. It did not take long for Yuma’s arms to wrap around you, his forearms enveloping your waist being the last thing you remember, before everything went black once more.

Yuma could not keep the smile from coming upon his face as you fell forward into his chest. Soon, you would never want to leave him, you would never want to see your silly little mother or father again, you would never want to be far from him, you would be his and his alone. His gaze was almost cat like, staring at your passed out figure almost as though you were his prey, and he was the predator. Which, in all honesty, he was; you were the stupid little bunny that fell into his trap, and now he would have fun playing with his little toy forevermore. Raising a hand, he brushed the hair from your face, pressing his lips against your forehead. Had you been awake it would have been a sweet kiss, yet, seeing how you were not, it was menacing instead. He sat there for who knows how long, just petting your hair, pressing various kisses to your face, save for your lips, he decided that he would wait until you were awakened for him to do that. His heart swelled as he stared at the image in front of him, the object of his affection in his arms, moving unconsciously into his chest, even in your unawake state you desired to be with him, just like he desired you to be.

Awaking, you felt a warmth around you, it was Yuma’s arms holding you tight, your head laying on his chest as though it was a pillow. “What happened?” You muttered, your face still pressed against the male’s chest. Despite the thought he would immediately respond, Yuma remained silent, instead just rubbing your back and petting your hair as he had been. It was soothing though, part of you wanted him to do more, while the rational part of your mind was hanging on by a thread, telling you to run, telling you this was not normal, telling you to escape while you could. If only your mind knew it was already too late, it had been too late hours ago when you sleepwalked into the forest, you had been long been screwed.

As you shifted, moving back from his chest, you asked again, “What happened?” But as you did, your eyes locked with his. His eyes were enthralling, drawing you in, they were like a whirlpool and with each second you were being pulled in deeper and deeper, unable to escape. As you stared into his eyes, you felt compelled to do something that normal you would have never thought of, you felt compelled to kiss him. It was almost like you were being told to abandon all your morals and do as he says, to abandon all you knew for him, to abandon everything for Yuma. Give up everything for Yuma. You only love Yuma. Unable to stop the thoughts flooding your mind, you leaned in closer to him, connecting your lips with his.

Smiling into the kiss, Yuma was happy that it was working. He was quick to respond, deepening the kiss, pulling you further onto his lap. His tongue was quick to breach the divide between your lips, exploring your mouth, as you found yourself unable to stop yourself from moaning into his mouth, as you responded to the kiss. His lips moved against yours until you found yourself pulling back, lightheaded once more, only this time it was from the feeling of his mouth against yours. Labored breathing slipped past your lips as his mouth moved downwards, finding its way to the side of your neck. The high you felt continued as he started to suck deep purple marks along your neck, the euphoria of submitting to Yuma was like no other. How you felt could not compare to how you felt with others, not any other boyfriend or girlfriend had made you feel the way Yuma was, the warmth radiating throughout your body, the euphoria that came just from connecting your lips to his.

The high came crashing down however, as Yuma started to mutter against your neck. “Took fucking long enough, I shouldn’t have diluted it so much.” He muttered, forgetting that you were awake and able to hear him. He was reckless to assume you would have not heard his statement, especially seeing how he was kissing just under your ear, it would have been impossible for you to not hear him.

A rush of anger took over you, the string worth of rationality quickly becoming a rope, as your headstrongness overwhelmed what little effect his nectar had taken on you thus far. With a quick movement, you had pushed Yuma off of you, an uppercut to his jaw taking him by surprise as you ran out of the hideaway. As you found yourself more within your proper state of mind, you ran, running before he could have reacted to your little stunt and followed you. Seeing how dark it was already, you assumed it was mid evening at earliest, meaning he had been drugging you for who knows how many hours.

Running through the forest, you were harshly reminded of your shoeless feet, as you stumbled and stepped on sharp branches shards. You continued running, even once you heard him behind you, at least you assumed it was him. It could have been a wild animal, and honestly you would have rather let the wild animal get you, than be around him once more. Running, you found yourself passing things you had sworn you had seen before, but it did not stop you, instead you pressed forward continuing on.

Yuma had been taken aback the moment you pushed him, his mind was thinking you wanted something else, something he was completely willing to give you, he wanted to own both your soul and body. But, instead as a fist met his jaw, he was shocked. It was not the reaction he had expected, especially as the nectar was seeming to have taken over your body. But, as he said, he must have diluted it too much, allowing your original mindstate to take over.

As you ran, he could not stop himself from laughing, funny you thought you could escape him. He could have instantly been by your side, but instead he decided to have a little fun. What is a predator without his prey to chase, after all you were his pretty little bunny that fell into his trap. He felt joy watching the attempts to escape, you would near the river just for him to teleport you right back to where you had started five minutes ago. The joy was euphoric to him, giving him an idea of what kind of fun he would have with his little toy, once your mind fully submitted to him. Which, it would, it was not like you could escape him anyways.

You finally found yourself by the river, assuming this was the river that Yuma claimed to have found you by this morning. As you tried to step into the cold waters, you were unable to do so. Your foot, it was like it hit an invisible wall, something was preventing you from moving. First you tried your feet, both hit an invisible barrier. Then your hands, the same result. You however had no time to run elsewhere when you heard his laugh behind you. It was like you were in a small invisible hall, no longer the barrier just in front of you, but it was also beside you, keeping you right where he wanted you.

“You didn’t think I was going to let you go so easily, did you sweetheart?” His voice, easily holding a mocking tone. Watching as you hit the barrier only visible to his eyes, trying to escape. Yuma could sense your stress, the fear, the anger within your being. It caused him to do nothing more than to laugh, laugh at your tries, he knew you would be unable to escape. His hand found your neck, wrapping around it as he tightened his grip, starting to pull you away from the barrier. “Now, now, now, let’s quit that, hitting my barrier won’t get you anywhere sweetheart.” He mockingly said, his other hand coming up to play with the necklace resting on your neck.

Eyes were focused on the other side of the river, it was only then that you saw it, the brambles. You were on the other side of the bramble covered river. It was only then that all the stories flooded back to your brain. Once you enter their territory you can not leave without an offering unless you want to be cursed. His hand playing with the necklace resting on your chest let you know he recognized the charm, the necklace she said to keep hidden. Never cross the bramble surrounded river, for the other side is the unseelie territory. And the most important one that you failed to heed, fae will trick you into eating something, for their nectar will be used to bind you to themselves. But there was one thing Nana could never tell you, since even she herself did not know it, once bound, you are not their plaything until death, you are their plaything forever more, since unlike fairies, the evil magic the fae practice, keeps them immortal. They only die when they desire to pass on, or through being killed by another, the latter being just how Yuma claimed his throne from his father.

As everything started to make sense, you felt the grip on your neck tighten Yuma pulling your head to lay against his shoulder. A harsh kiss was placed on your lips before the hand on your necklace moved. Suddenly a black teacup appeared in his hand, within the cup was a thick viscous liquid. Yuma wasted no time diluting it or disguising it as water this time, he wanted to make sure it took, and he would make sure to force feed it to you as many times as it took. He would not have another scene like you put on today. He would completely and totally mind break you, leaving you unable to think about anything but him, unable to want anything but him. No longer would you crave human goods or desires, you would desire him and him alone. You would willingly submit to him, and until the nectar corrupted your mind, he would force you to submit with as much cruelty as it took to break your spirit.

Despite attempts to move, his hand tightened, the grip on your neck causing you to feel lightheaded. As he felt your body start to fade, his hand moved from your neck to your mouth, quickly opening your lips to pour the contents of the teacup in. This was not enough for him however, his hand moving back to your neck as you started to regain your breathing and thoughts. He repeated the process twice more, three teacups full of nectar should be more than enough to make you nothing but his pliable plaything within minutes. Yet, at that moment, your sanity remained, and you started to struggle once more.

In a bright flash of light, you find yourself immobilized and in a black dimly lit room, the blood red carpet under your feet being the only thing you see. As a hand takes your own, you feel it dragging you along behind the owner of the hand. The carpet changes to black tile, before long you are at a large black door, being led through it. Whatever desire you had to fight, to run, disappeared, as they drained every bit of energy from your form, leaving you with just enough to keep standing and awake. The nectar starting to flood your mind, thoughts of Yuma being all that remained. The joy feeling of his lips on yours, the high you felt from his lips upon your neck, and fantasies of the euphoria you would feel upon giving him your body being all that your mind was filled with. Legs were numb as the walking continued, from tile to another swatch of blood red carpet, this time, it followed along the floor and up a short set of stairs, where a throne sat.

If your mind was working, you would be confused about this all, you would be fighting this all, but instead here you were subservient, following the man leading you towards the throne. Unsure of when it happened, it felt like you were not fully there for a while, only coming to when you felt a hand playing with the hair on the top of your head. Here you sat on your knees, wrist and ankles chained to the throne besides you, as your head rested against the arm of the throne. The sanity that remained by a thread was trying one last effort to get you out, but it was failing, and soon would be replaced with nothing but thoughts of Yuma. Thoughts of kissing Yuma. Thoughts of serving Yuma. Thoughts of nothing but Yuma. It is not that bad though, after all Yuma is your everything.

“Don’t get any frivolous ideas my love, you can’t escape me now my dear.” Yuma said, his voice slipping easily into your brain, the words smooth as velvet, despite actions saying the opposite. With a quick grip on the back of your head, Yuma yanked your head back, so your half closed eyes would focus on him. “Open your eyes.” He harshly said with a quick slap being administered to your cheek. The force of the slap woke you up slightly, causing both your eyes to be fully open and on him, he continued. “And this is where you will stay my queen/king, by my side, where you belong.” Pausing he pulled you into a forceful kiss, teeth clattering against yours as he dominated your movements in that moment. Pulling away, he pushed you back, making sure you were kneeling by his side, before his hand found its way back into your hair, making you focus on him once more, before his other hand gently caressed your chin. The nectar started to fully flood your brain, no longer being any thoughts of your own. All thoughts were of Yuma, what you wanted to do to Yuma, what you wanted Yuma to do to you. All was Yuma. Watching as the fight drained from your eyes, becoming glossy with desire, he leaned down, connecting his lips to yours once more, only this time, it was returned. Nothing filled your mind except the desire to please Yuma, to do as he likes, and you kissed him back. “This is right where you belong?” He questioned, watching as you nodded your head enthusiastically, he started to chuckle. His hand found its way back to your hair, petting it as you leaned into his touch. “Right little pet.”

[seungkwanslowqualityenglish]

Unfinished Melodies

✿ Synopsis: He was your greatest rival, but all things changed after being paired with him for a competition. Yet, all lovely things can’t stay, and you had to get away. Returning after three years apart, will old feelings return, or will hidden secrets destroy all before it has a chance to blossom once more. 

✿ Who: Park Sunghoon (Enhypen) x Female Pronoun Reader ✿ Word Count:  60,124 words ✿ Genre: Angst/Fluff ✿ Warnings: Explicit language, implied sex, pregnancy, child, grandparent death, parental death,  ✿ Request: No ✿ I’m back on my bullshit after my short hiatus turned into a 3 year hiatus. Request are open, my crops are plentiful, and my brain is working. This is an absolute mess, it would be longer but I got writers block and just had to finish it, it is also much longer than what I usually write, but enjoy.

The first memory you have of being a child is from the age of three, it was the image of you holding hands with your father, he skating backwards, getting you accustomed to the ice. The second memory occurs five minutes later, he lets your hands go, and you proceed to fall to the ice. Those memories repeated throughout your childhood, going from holding hands with your father as you skated along, clutching your coaches hands, knees kissing the ice as you fell, hands burning from the harsh cold, to finally skating on your own. If someone had asked you at the age of three what you thought you would be doing in ten, even fifteen years, in the future, you would not have answered figure skating.

You were nine when you first met Park Sunghoon, your coach called him a prodigy, and honestly, it made you jealous. It was always you that was called the prodigy before, you were the skilled one, and you were what the others wanted to achieve towards. The six years of skating experience you had on him seemed useless, as he took to the ice, quickly developing the same level you were at. By the age of eleven, he had even overtaken your rankings, leaving you as the second most skilled skater in your rink.

That was when you first started to hate him, you had the joy of not competing in the same competitions as him, but it did not stop others from constantly comparing the two of you. It was always, he got the turn on the first try, or he got gold as well but his score was higher, or if he keeps progressing the olympic team might be interested in him. It was like all of a sudden, everything your parents had been conditioning you for was no longer there. The silver platter life had been handed to you on, it had been ripped out and offered to another, someone others had deemed more talented and more worthy.

Maybe the feelings were mutual, but you did not like him, and he returned the feelings. From the age of thirteen it became known around the others just how much you disliked each other, going as far as rescheduling your practices so you would not have even be in the rink the same day. But, this did not stop the comments, the constant praises of his talent coming from your parents mouths, the constant flow of comparisons, and the constant detriment of your feelings of self worth. No longer were your parents focused on your performance, instead they were focused on what he did better, how you could be better like him, and how you could do better than him.

When high school started, it was like a switch flipped, neither of you were no longer in your awkward tween stages, starting to grow into teens. This was when the first big change happened, no longer were your competitions viewers only your family and friends, others started to show interest. The first competition you were in after high school started was odd, there was a whole fan section for a specific person, and honestly you hated it, the six extra years you had on him were useless, especially seeing how he had a growing section of fangirls each competition, compared to your meek group of friends and family. What hurt the most was seeing your friends start to move, gradually sitting closer and closer in the group of freshmen girls that came to support him, until they were in the group, no longer there to support you but instead here to support him.

That was when you broke, throwing your everything into skating. No longer did you spare time for your so-called friends, no longer did you have time for hobbies, and no longer did you have time for others. The next year was nothing but school and skating, at some points, it seemed as though you slept at the rink some nights. The work started to pay off, your already high scores started to go higher, but you were always just barely behind him still. Harsh words of comparison burned your eardrums, and it was always about one individual, Park Sunghoon, and how much better he was than you.

Sophomore year is where things started to change, as your coaches came up with what they felt was a great idea. No longer would you just compete in solo events, you would do pairs. Your coach claimed that the two of you would be better than the current people competing in pairs, and so you were more likely to take some wins home. The first time coach Kim mentioned it, you felt like it might be a good idea, after all there were some really good skaters at your rink. But, you should have known it would not be that easy, rather than being paired with one of the many others she trained, instead they claimed the best deserves to only work with the best. Had you known it would be him, you would have refused to do this, you would rather win silver or even bronze at the next competition than work with him. Yet, fighting was futile, as your coaches quickly told you your parents had given permission, meaning you two would be partners for the near future.

The first time working with him was a mess. Neither of you wanted to get close to one another, skating within five feet of each other was hard, let alone holding hands and doing lifts. Sunghoon stood there laughing as you failed to do a trick, not a care in the world as he watched you hit the ice, his laugh echoing as you started to get up. “I don’t know what is going on with you two, but figure it the fuck out, and get over it,” Coach Kim screamed across the rink, silence came from him immediately, watching with disproving eyes at the behavior in front of her. “You both have one week, if you can’t at least pretend to like each other by then, neither of you will be permitted to compete in any program, and you’ll be kissing those championship trophies and Olympic dreams goodbye.” Your coach yelled, storming out of the rink, the doors slamming loudly behind her. 

Once out of her presence, the two of you immediately separated, going to different sides of the rink, finally happy to be separated from one another. The joy was short lived, as another person entered the rink, this time it was not your coach, it was instead his. “Here. Now!” Coach Lee yelled, his patiences even lower than your coaches. He did not even wait for the both of you to get to where he stood, before he continued yelling, “Your school does not start back for two months, you two will be practicing every single day, so get over your feelings of superiority now, neither of you is better than the other, and when competing as a team, it’s not a fucking competition. You do some stupid shit on the ice and you not only embarrass yourself, you embarrass us, and if you think we are harsh on you now, just you try some bullshit during the competition, you’ll see just how harsh this training can be.” Lee screamed out, taking a breath before starting to talk at a normal volume. “I do not want to see either of you in this rink for the next 3 days, go do some team building stuff, become friends, at the least, become tolerable of one another. I want you two to come in on Friday like whole new people. Go to the arcade, go on a picnic, go to the beach, do whatever you young people do and at the least, tolerate each other. If you have this much awkward tension and anger towards each other while performing, the judges and audience will be able to tell, you won’t be able to work well together and you’ll get a low score. I want you both to go pack up, exchange numbers, go get dinner together, and plan what you are going to be doing the next few days together. Put aside whatever troubled past the two of you have, and turn over a new leaf, you are partners now, you are working together, and you both need to get over that. And I will find out if you don't spend time together, I will be talking to your parents. There is a carnival in town, you two could try that.” Coach Lee finished, clapping his hands loudly, dismissing the two skaters in his presence. 

Skating away to exit the ice, nearing the locker room, the only feeling you could feel was shame. The way you had been yelled at by not only your coach, but his coach, left you feeling like a punished child. Entering the locker room, a set was taken on the bench in front of the locker adorned with your name. Taking your skates off, they were thrown into the waiting gym bag, staring at the ceiling. It took all the power within your body to not scream in anger despite your brain telling you to do so. Nothing would be worse than this, not just having to work with him, but spend time outside of skating with him. Together skating was not happening, what did the coaches expect would happen if you two were alone together, you would suddenly become best friends. 

After taking a few calming breaths, it was time to change out of your skating clothing, while it was nice and chilly within the rink, you knew the moment you hit the doors outside you would be sweltering. Changing, you slipped your gym bag onto your shoulder, hoping that Sunghoon had forgotten all about the hanging out, so home would be the only place for you to be going. Sadly, the boy knew how scary his coach could be, and instead was waiting outside the locker room door, phone in hand. 

He handed his phone to you with no words, it already pulled up to the add contact page, typing your number quickly, you passed it back to him, not wanting to hold the cursed device for longer than necessary. With a vibration of the phone in your back pocket, it notified you that he had sent you a message, giving yourself his number. Starting to walk past him, towards the doors, it was not even ten steps in when he started to pass you. 

“Let’s go, I’ll drive.” Sunghoon coldly said to you, hiking his own bag further up on his shoulder, as he stepped past you, exiting the doors to the outside. Had he been watching, he would have seen the obvious look of disgust that fell upon your face.

Pushing the door open to exit, since he could not even be bothered to hold it open for the person who was only a few steps behind himself, you scoffed. “No thanks, I’ll just wait for my parents.” Like hell you would go somewhere with him, the whole spend time together thing, you will just lie and say you did. As the male started to speak, you were not paying attention, instead focusing on your phone which started to buzz, a couple messages from your parents. ‘The coaches let them know that you and Sunghoon would be hanging out tonight and that Sunghoon would bring you home’, of course you should have known they would actually notify your parents, with a groan, you turned to the tall boy in front of you. “Fine, let’s go.”

Sunghoon was not shocked that you were not listening, or that you interrupted him. Watching as you started off towards his car, he quickly started to walk over to it. “Yeah, let’s go.” He said, unlocking his car doors, throwing his bag into the backseat, before climbing into the driver’s seat. He was quick to buckle his seat belt, before starting the engine, the car coming to life at once. As he prepared to leave the parking lot, he could not think of where to go, turning to ask his guest, he knew that would be vain, since you were staring so intently at your phone, you probably would not answer him regardless. Pulling onto the road, he decided to just go to the first place that came to mind, a little diner he would go to with his boys all the time. 

Texting Karina, you lamented about your situation, the death of your joy from being forced to be in close proximity with your worst enemy. Even over text, you could tell Karina was laughing about the situation, joking that ‘you might be in the start of your enemies to lovers Wattpad era’. Despite her humorous text, you could not find the situation funny, you would be practicing with him daily, and then once school started you would be around all the time. Karina sent a reply saying ‘maybe this is the universe's way of telling you to get over the rivalry and kiss already’. 

Occupied with the phone in your hand, you did not realize Sunghoon had even left the parking lot, let alone arrived at a location until he started to clear his throat. Noticing the stopped car, and the boy in the process of leaving his car, you followed suit. Exiting the vehicle, you met him at the front of his car, following him into the small little diner. You had never been into this diner before, it just was not the kind of place your friend group would have hung out, but seeing how the waitresses reacted seeing Sunghoon, it was the type of place his friend group would hangout.

Getting seated, it only took minutes for you to have menus and drinks in front of you. After ordering something, the table was quiet as you sat waiting for your food to arrive, neither of you wanting to break the uncomfortable silence. You continued to message Karina, updating her on everything, her annoying text crying about how you were on a date with Sunghoon, despite your denial and claiming it is only business.

Sunghoon sat silently, not knowing what to say or how to start, but seeing you on your phone was a good place. “You could at least put your phone up and we can start to discuss what we need to do.” He said it came off a lot more scolding and cold than he planned, but he honestly did not care at this point. He just wanted to get this over with, so you could perform together, then hopefully never have to look each other in the face again. 

Scoffing, you texted Karina that you had to go, seeing her quickly replying with a comment about you two making out already, before putting it up. Looking at him, it felt odd, seeing him outside the rink, outside of the classroom. “We need to be able to get through this performance, just act like we don’t hate each other. As soon as we are done, we can go back to wishing we never had to be in the same room.” Sunghoon said, before extending a hand towards you, attempting to make some sort of agreement.

Extending your own hand, you shook his hand, before quickly dropping it. “We get through this performance, and then we go back to how we were before.” It was an easy agreement, since neither of you wanted to do this, but here you were. “We need to figure out what we are going to do for the rest of this week. However, they want us to spend time together, but that doesn’t mean we have to enjoy each other's presence.” 

As the conversation was flowing, the food that had been ordered arrived, starting to eat, you thought about what you could do. Before setting foot back into the skating rink, the two of you needed to be able to at least be able to tolerate each other’s presence. Just being around each other was half the struggle, you could not learn the routine and be expected to perform it, if the two of you fought every time you were within the vicinity of each other. Your thoughts however were interrupted by a voice.

“What if we go to that carnival they are having in town, like Coach Lee mentioned?” Sunghoon questioned, in between shoveling food into his mouth. “That way we aren’t alone, being around others might make this whole forced bonding somewhat better.” 

With a nod, you thought to yourself it might be the first good idea he’s ever had in his life. “Yeah, that would be okay. That way we can also go do other things if we start to fight, and I think it probably won’t be as dangerous as the rink could be if things get bad.” You said, the last part a murmur, before you continue to enjoy your own food.

As the two of you finished up eating, paying, and soon were back in his vehicle. Telling him your address, he quickly drove towards the side of town you lived on, going towards your house to drop you off. Exiting his vehicle, you thanked him, before running into your own house. After about twenty minutes you received a text from Sunghoon. He notified you that he made it home, and said to be ready at noon, since that was when he would be picking you up tomorrow for the carnival. 

The two of you continued to text after that, quickly eight at night turned into midnight, and before long two in the morning, and you had fallen asleep waiting for his reply. Waking around ten in the morning, you thought it was odd how easily the two of you were able to talk without being face to face. Granted, most of the conversation was little things like what your hobbies are, what music you like, what movies you like, and other interests of yours. As you readied yourself to take a shower, you thought for the first time, maybe working with him will not be as bad as you thought it would be. 

Getting dressed and having just finished drying and styling your hair, you heard a honk outside, followed by a vibration from your phone, notifying you of a text. Grabbing your phone and bag, you quickly made the way outside, seeing Sunghoon sitting in your driveway waiting for you. Quickly climbing into his car, you found yourself on the way to spend the day with him.. 

As he pulled into a small cafe, you exited his vehicle, following him inside as the two of you decided to eat lunch before going to the carnival. The conversation face to face was much more stunted than when you were texting, it was as though when texting you can imagine you are talking to someone else, but here face to face, you know it is just him. The two of you quickly finished your food and coffee, before resuming your trip to the carnival. 

Upon entering the carnival grounds, you were surprised it was not that busy, but then again, it was the middle of the day during the week, most people were still at work. “Let’s go on the rides before they start to get really busy?” Sunghoon’s voice caught your attention, nodding your head, you followed him with haste, as you neared the rides. 

Ride after ride, you were thankful that he suggested going on the rides first, since as the day went on, more and more people were arriving, queues turned from five minutes into thirty. As the two of you exited the last ride, you both wandered around the carnival grounds for a bit, taking in everything else there was to see. The extremely rigged carnival games caught your eye, while some obscene ridiculous fried food that consisted of something that should have not been battered and fried caught Sunghoon’s attention. “Let’s split up, and text when we are ready to leave?” You offered, watching as he quickly nodded, walking in an opposite direction from you.

Splitting up, you started to play a bottle toss game, attempting to knock down a stack of bottles that more than likely were either being held down with glue, or just too heavy for the small baseball to knock down. Eyeing the grey bunny hanging upon the vendor’s tent, you were determined to win, wanting nothing more than the small fuzzy animal to be your companion. Try after try, you failed, luckily no one else was waiting, so you just kept trying. It was the tenth time you had provided the vendor with your money, honestly, you had probably given him more than what the stuffed animal was worth at that point, when you decided to give up. Moving onto another game, hoping you would have more success.

Sunghoon watched from afar, eating his deep fried delicacy, as you stared starry eyed at the floppy eared grey bunny. He stifled a laugh watching as you failed to knock over even one single bottle, one failure turned into two, then five, then ten. He watched as you dejectedly walked away, seemingly giving up on obtaining the stuffed toy. Finishing his food, he made his way over towards the vendor, getting into line behind some other couples that were attempting the game. If you asked him what he was thinking, he would have said he did not know, why did he feel bad watching you fail repeatedly after seeing how badly you wanted the stuffed animal, why did he feel the need to win it for you now, why did his heart slightly ache watching you walk away sadly empty handed. As he got to the front of the queue, he paid for his turn, and he somehow managed to hit the stack of bottles just right, watching as the six bottles all tumbled at once. At that moment, even the vendor seemed shocked, muttering something about how the heat must have weakened the glue, but Sunghoon could care less, “The grey rabbit,” he quickly told the man, watching as the guy quickly grabbed it, handing it to him, before rushing him off so he could reset his game. By the time the rabbit was in hand, you had disappeared, off playing another game, leaving him stuck carrying the grey toy until he could find you again. 

Venturing off, you started to play other games, winning little rings and candy bars, but no one else had a grey stuffed rabbit, much to your displeasure. Stopping at a food vendor, you bought a treat, as you finished it, you decided the only thing left for you to do was try that bottle game again, and maybe you would have better luck. Walking all over the carnival grounds, you searched for that game again, it took a while to finally find it, having ended up on the total opposite side of the grounds from where it was. As you neared the game, you saw the worst sight, an empty spot right where the bunny had hung just prior, someone else had already won it. With a sigh, you pulled your phone out, sending a quick text to Sunghoon, asking if he was ready to go, with a quick reply of sure, you told him you would meet him by the front gates. As you walked towards the front gates, you decided you would just have to buy a stuffed rabbit yourself, it would not be as fun as winning one, but at least you would have one then.

Nearing the gates, Sunghoon had beaten you to the gates, of course he would however, with his long legs making two of your steps into one. As you neared him, he caught sight of you, an odd look in his eyes, a look you had never seen before. Finally standing besides him, you felt something being shoved at you, taking it with shock, you looked down. Within your hands was the grey rabbit, looking up at Sunghoon, you started to mutter, “What..what..” unable to make a coherent thought. 

Watching as Sunghoon ran his hand through his hair, he left out a sigh. “I saw you eyeing it, and you sucked at that game and it was pretty funny. But I felt kinda bad. I don’t want it. Just take it or I’ll throw it away.” He said, words taking no pauses, unsure of what to say, so he said everything. 

You were taken aback, first at how soft he sounded, but then how harsh. He just could not make up his mind to be rude or nice, but you simply nodded your head, holding the rabbit close to your chest. “Thank you.” Being the only words to slip through your lips. With a nod, you started to follow him back to his car, hearing one of the gate working fawning over such a cute teenage couple, while another woman complained to her boyfriend about why could he not be sweet like that and get her a stuffed prize; you wanted to correct them, but you were by his car when it finally hit you what they said. 

Climbing into his car, you decided he must have not heard what they said. Yet, as he started the car, he was thinking about it as well, having heard it. He started to leave the parking lot, fighting through the mass of traffic, people getting off work and bringing their families to enjoy a night at the carnival. As he drove you thought he would be taking you home, but instead he pulled into a familiar diner, the one he took you to yesterday. “Let’s eat dinner before we go home.” Was all he said, before exiting the car, leaving you to quickly follow him. 

The conversation this time flowed a lot better than it had this morning. You could only guess it was the result of spending roughly seven hours experiencing the joy and fun of a carnival with him, which had made you two closer. Discussing the rides and games you played, and finally deciding what to do tomorrow. Just deciding to have an easy day, go to the movies and maybe hang out at the park afterwards. 

The two of you finished eating dinner, to your surprise, Sunghoon quickly paid for it before you could pay for your own, leaving you shocked at his act, but that single act was a sign of the progress you two had made in just forty-eight hours. Climbing back in his car, staring at the road as he drove you home, you started to think maybe you never really hated him. Maybe it was just envy, envy that he was so much better at something you had trained so hard for your whole life, but it was not his fault he was naturally talented at it. As he parked in your driveway, you started to leave his vehicle, grabbing the rabbit, you turned to him, “I really enjoyed hanging out with you today.” You said to him quickly, before closing the door and making your way into your house, leaving him no chance to respond. 

Pulling away from your house, if you could read minds, then you would have known that he honestly felt the same. As you laid in your bed, the stuffed rabbit situated on your pillow, you finally pulled your phone from your back pocket. With all the fun you were having, you completely forgot to respond to Karina’s texts, and they were sure a mess when you finally read them. 

The first text she had sent you was a text asking if you were ‘spending time with your boyfriend today’, followed by roughly ten text of question marks, and a text saying ‘too busy making out with your boy to answer me’ followed by five crying faces. You quickly texted her back, ‘we had to hang out, remember’, ‘we did not make out’, and he is not my boyfriend’. After replying to those two, you scrolled to the rest of her messages, only to see a photo of the two of you taken at the carnival. The two of you were hand in hand, he was leading you from ride to ride, and the still was taken between two of the rides. She sent the picture along with twenty hearts of varying colors, saying ‘you and your boyfie’. Seeing the picture you immediately responded to it saying ‘who took this picture?’, and then once again repeating ‘he is not my boyfie’. 

As you were replying to all of Karina’s texts, you got one from Sunghoon, leaving her and her delusions, you replied to him. He said he got home, and then confirmed the details for tomorrow, telling you when he would pick you up, and for you to have a good night. It was odd, but you honestly felt at peace talking to him, it was better than you would have thought. As you finished replying to him, Karina replied to you, ‘i took the pic bestie you were too enamored with your lover boy to notice I was at the carnival as well’, then quickly texting ‘i was gonna come up to you but i didn’t want to ruin your date’. Laughing at her reply, you could not believe your luck, of course she would be there, despite you not telling her you would be at the carnival. ‘It wasn’t a date’ you replied before adding ‘and he’s not my lover boy.’ As you sent the text, Karina was quick to send another, ‘he might not be your lover boy yet but mark my words he will be’.

With that last text, you put your phone up, deciding it was enough Karina for tonight. Her and her delusions can live happily together on their own, since you were tired after your fun day. As you drifted in and out of sleep, your mind started to think about what Karina said, and then started considering that maybe it would not be that bad if it was true. Yet, only if you knew that what she said was not just all delusions that live in her head.

The next few days went great, going to the movies, going to the park, going to the carnival again, and just hanging out with him. After a few days, you two honestly were getting along together a lot better than you would have thought. Had someone asked you last week what you would do if Sunghoon and you were in a small car together, you would have probably said fight, but instead the truth was talk about random things and sing along to random songs on the radio.

 Before you knew it, it was time for you two to resume training, yet this time you two were ready. Throughout the prior week, the two of you had gotten used to each other’s company, you had become friends, and honestly the idea of skating with him did not seem as bad as you once thought. Starting to learn the program, the two of you quickly got the routine down, by the end of your first week you were just perfecting the routine. Even your coaches were shocked by the amount of growth the two of you had made during the week prior. 

Practice soon just became the two of you running through your routine a few times, before just playing around the skating rink the rest of the time. Your coaches thought it might take the whole two months before school started to get you two comfortable with skating together, and having the whole routine down. But, instead here you two were three weeks in with a perfect routine, and wasting other time doing various tricks, giving each other advice, and just having fun. 

The summer flew by, the two of you growing closer, even your coaches were confused as to what kind of relationship you had, both thinking you must be dating, due to how close you were. Your phone constantly was going off with text from Karina, her talking about your lover boy and giving you some oddly good advice coming from her, ‘if you don’t ask him out someone else will and you’ll miss your chance’. But, you did not know how he felt, since you had to skate with him, and you did not want to ruin the friendship you had forged throughout the past weeks. Yet, unbeknownst to you, he felt exactly the same.

Before you knew it, it was the last week before school started, and you had a competition to attend with your skating partner. As always, the routine went perfectly, each jump was executed perfectly, every lift was executed with ease. It was no surprise as the two of you received what were the highest scores of your skating careers, it showed you two were really meant to be pairs partners, even scoring higher than you ever did in singles. Despite having only been skating together for two months, the two of you easily took the gold, blowing all the other teams out of the water. The sheer amount of talent and passion was easily seen in your dancing, and you both played off each other’s energies so well. 

As the judge announced you as the winner, you quickly hugged Sunghoon, he returned the favor. For a fleeting moment, it seemed as though you thought he might try to kiss you, but that was quickly over, the two of you having to focus on accepting your trophies and medals. The happiness and joy was evident in the air, you would have never thought competing with instead of against Sunghoon would bring you so much joy. After the mandatory photos and congratulations of your competitors and the judges, the two of you found your way back towards the locker rooms of the rink you were in. 

You moved slightly as Sunghoon hit your hip with his own, gaining your attention with that cheeky movement. “You did good out there.” Was all that he said, before taking your hand in his own. You started to think of your own reply, but it never came out of your mouth. After taking your hand, Sunghoon had pulled you completely against his chest, his arm wrapping around your waist, before his head leaned down, quickly connecting his lips with yours.

Kissing Sunghoon felt like a fever dream, was it real, were you really kissing him, did he actually feel the same way you did. As you returned the kiss, bringing your empty hand up to wrap around his neck, pulling him closer, as if there was any gap of space between you two. Breaking apart only as you both started to feel the slight burn in your throat from the absence of air, he rested his forehead against yours, gazing up into his eyes, you knew it was true, he felt the same way. “You did good.” You simply said, as the two of you separated, needing to go get out of your skating outfits. At your comment, you saw Sunghoon raise his eyebrow, obviously taking your comment to mean something else, “I mean on the ice you loser.” was quickly added.

With a short laugh, and a final soft kiss to your forehead, Sunghoon paused at the door to the men’s locker room. “Sure you did.” Was all he said, the sarcastic tone dripping from his words, he definitely took your comment as a compliment, and he would have it no other way. With that, he gave you no chance to respond, instead entering the locker room, leaving you standing in the hall.

Entering your own locker room, you changed into your comfortable clothing. Throwing everything into your gym bag, you prepared to leave, it was like everything hit you all at once. What had happened this summer would have been something you would think was a nightmare, had you been told about a year ago. Sunghoon and you were now friends, skating in pairs, and possibly about to be something more than friends. Leaving the room, you saw Sunghoon standing there, without saying anything he took your hand, leading you out of the rink and to his car. 

As he placed your bags into the bag seat of his car, you texted your parents to let them know that Sunghoon would be bringing you home. Getting in as Sunghoon opened the door for you, with a sigh you then watched as he walked over to his own door, observing the male as he climbed in and started the car. The car ride to the diner was a comfortable silence, but during the whole ride, something was nagging at you, the idea of were you or were you not. Seeing how other than kissing you, he took no initiative to clarify what you two were, you decided to take it upon yourself. “What are we?” You asked, just as the car came to a stop, the diner in front of the car.

 “What do you want us to be?” Sunghoon asked, as he turned to look towards you. “Since I know what I want, but I don’t know if you feel the same.” 

Taking his hand, you started to play with his fingers as you stared into his eyes. “I think you know how I feel after earlier.” You reminded him. “And if you feel how I feel, then I want it just like you do.” Was all you said, before softly smiling at him.

Sunghoon simply took the hand that was playing with his fingers within his own hands, lifting it up his face, before softly kissing your hand. “Are you religious? Because you are the answer to all my prayers.” Was all he said, before lowering your hand, waiting for an answer.

Listening to his reply, you could not stop yourself from laughing. After seeing a cold Sunghoon for so long, it was odd to see a goofy pickup line using man in front of you. “Did you- Did you just use a pick up line on me?” You said in between your laughs.

As you started to laugh, Sunghoon did as well, laughter filled the car for a moment. It took a while for either of you to calm down enough to talk, and when he finally did, all he said was “Yes. Did it work?” 

With a short laugh, a nod of your head, you unbuckle your seatbelt. “You didn’t need to use a pickup like to get me. You’ve already got me.” As you told him that, you leaned across his car’s middle console, bringing him into another kiss. The hand that was not being held by him found its way into his hair, holding him as close as you could in his cramped space. 

For a moment, Sunghoon froze as your lips met his, before he quickly melted into the kiss. He released your hand that he held, one arm wrapping around your waist, pulling you against the console as much as he could, attempting to eliminate any space he could in between you, never wanting this to end. The two of you continued to kiss until the familiar feeling from before hit you, separating and leaning against each other’s foreheads, the both of you tried to catch your breaths. “I guess we can call this our first date.” Sunghoon said, once he felt able to talk again.

With a soft laugh, you looked up at him, “Usually you kiss after the date.” You notified him, before quickly placing another kiss on his lips, this time, pulling away before he could reciprocate. “Not before it.” You added, as you removed your hands from his hair, before leaning against the seat, still somewhat out of breath.

“Well, I guess we just did some things backwards,” Sunghoon replied, before he climbed out of the car. He quickly came to your side, opening the car door and helping you out. Hand in hand, the two of you entered the diner, the usual waitress that would serve you after your practices, noticing the two of you. A look in her eyes tells you that she had been waiting for this as well, it seems like everyone knew the two of you had feelings for one another, but each other. 

Before long Sunghoon was pulling into your driveway, this time walking you to your front door, instead of just staying in the vehicle and making sure you got inside. “I enjoyed tonight.” You told him, as he walked you hand in hand to the door. Once at your door, you wrapped your arms around him, pulling him into a hug. 

“I enjoyed it too, and it will be the first of many.” Sunghoon said, reciprocating the hug, before he kissed you once more. This time, it was a fleeting peck, he then kissed your forehead and tip of your nose before releasing you from the hug. “Have a good night.” He said, pulling back and raising his arm, your gym bag in his hand. 

Taking the bag, you turned to open the front door. “You too.” You said, before heading in, watching as he walked back to his car. Observing from the window by the front door, you watched him reenter his car, before backing up and driving away. After having the best skating performance of your life and a wonderful date with who at this time in your life, you feel is the love of your life. Telling your parents good night, you started towards your room. As you walk upstairs, you could hear your mother comment on the two of you. It seems even your parents felt the same way as the waitress, knowing the two of you would end up together. 

Entering your room, flopping on your bed, it took everything in you not to squeal in happiness, instead you kicked your feet for a moment, the joy overtaking your body, a happiness you have honestly never felt before. After a few minutes, you decided to share the news, quickly video calling Karina, knowing she would be awake and waiting for updates. It only took one ring for her to answer, and you immediately started to spill everything to her. “We won,” was the start, but she was at the competition, and she knew that already. “And he kinda kissed me and then took me on a date.”

Karina was not as calm as you, the scream she released was heard through your phone speaker. “WHAT! HE WHAT! FINALLY!” Karina started to scream. “It took you all this time to realize you liked each other, I thought we might have been entering our idiots in love slowburn era, it took you two months, TWO MONTHS!” She said, not even giving you a chance to respond, but you just let her get all her feelings out. “I told you that you were going to fall for him, I told you. He’s your boyfriend, I told you this would happen, oh my god, I’m like a fortune telling, I told the future.” Karina started going off on some tangent, but at some point you just quit listening, falling asleep while on video chat with her.

Waking up in the morning, it was odd to see a text from Sunghoon, it said ‘good morning beautiful’, and that made you realize it was not a dream, you did not dream up this elaborate thing, it was real, indeed very real. Texting him back, you two started to plan your day, where to hang out and what to do. With it being only a week until school started, your routine stayed the same, hanging out and going on dates, enjoying being around one another, as school officially started. Yet, this routine of being together did not even change in the years to come.

Meeting him officially the summer before sophomore year, learning there was more to him than just being better at skating than you, was the most life changing moment of your life. You never thought that the person you once viewed as your enemy would be the one you were holding hands with in the hall, sneaking kisses from when no one was looking, and enjoying dates after hard practices at the rink with. You never thought that you would be the target of the looks of envy and hatred from the girls infatuated by him, usually Karina and you would make fun of the girls. Yet, here you were the target of their hatred, the fact that you did something they could never achieve, made him fall in love with you. It felt so natural, no one would understand what you had to do like he did, and you were both thankful for it. 

Competing in pairs was something you had never thought of, but here you were three years into doing them, having taken nothing but golds with your handsome boyfriend by your side. Yet, as senior year was ending, things were starting to change. No longer was it talking about summer competitions, it was talking about college degrees and majors. Where did he want to go, where did you want to go, and oddly enough the surprise you both had when you found out you were accepted into the same school, Decelis University. 

Had you known everything would change in a moment, you would have savored those moments a bit more. Enjoyed the feeling of being in his arms for a moment longer, the warmth he somehow provided despite the cold of the ice skating rink, the way he lit a fire in your heart, a feeling you never wanted to let die out. If only you could have predicted the future, well the genuine truth was, if only you had been more careful, and then it would not have happened. 

Most people imagine their life in a realistic way, graduating high school, going to college, graduating college, getting a good job, getting married, and then starting a family. But life does not always work like that, sometimes the steps are out of order. Like when you two had your first kiss before your first date, that kind of out of order was cute and fun. But with it being only three months until you graduated high school, you realize you were doing things out of order as well, but this time it was not in the cute or fun way some people do. 

Nothing hurt you as much as that little pink plus sign staring up at you from the test within your hand. You did not want to admit to your parents your cycle had been late, instead telling your best friend Karina. She would never judge you, since she would be a hypocrite especially seeing how she had had her own scares, which is why you felt comfortable coming to her. Yet, with the positive test in hand, you wanted to do nothing more than rewind your life back twenty minutes, and never bring the topic up. Ignore it until it was too late and others could tell, yet, at that point he would have also been able to tell. 

“Hey, don’t worry, it might just be a false positive,” Karina’s voice said, trying to be helpful, “take another, or two more, that way we can be absolutely certain.” Wordlessly you allowed her to shove two boxes in your hands, before pushing you back into the bathroom.

Ten minutes later, there sat three tests, identical little pink plus signs on each of them. It did not take long for Karina to realize what was going on, as she heard a concealed sob from the other side of the door. She quickly entered, enveloping you in her arms, the scene in front of her was all she needed to see. No words were spoken, the only sounds within the bathroom being your sobs, as your best friend held you close, letting you cry into her shoulder while sitting uncomfortably on her bathroom floor. 

How long you cried, you were unsure of, just letting the tears fall until it felt like there were no more tears left to cry. Finally did you stand, resting your head on Karina’s shoulder as you spoke for the first time in a while, “What am I going to do?” Your voice was meek, weak, and soft, the consequences of all the crying you had just done. Luckily she did not reply, instead dragging you towards the comfort of her bed, allowing you to flop onto the pillow mattress, knowing the next conversation would be even worse.

Karina sat next to you, occasionally patting your head as she thought of what to say next. This was not the situation either of you thought you would be in, not at this point in your life, you still had three months of high school left, you had your college life, your career, your whole life ahead of you, but at the moment, it was all murky and uncertain. “You have to tell him,” was what she finally decided upon saying, “you aren’t alone, it’s his fault as well. You need to tell him.” 

It was in that moment that it finally hit you, not only was your future dangling in the balance, but now his future was as well. Shaking your head you finally sat up, looking Karina in the eyes as you took her hands. “He can not find out, I’ll figure out something, but please promise me you won’t say anything, especially not to him. Please you need to promise me that.” You started to plead, the desperation obvious in your voice. While this might ruin your dreams of olympic figure skating fame, you would not allow it to ruin his. 

A huff slipped from Karina’s lips before she nodded. “He’ll find out eventually, but I won’t tell him, but you will need to tell him soon.” She told you, unbeknownst to her, that you had already started formulating an idea of what to do within your head. Which within this plan, he does not find out, and you plan to keep it that way. After spending the day with Karina, the plan was already set within your head, you might ruin your own life, but you would not drag him down with you. 

The first stage of your plan was to let your parents know, which oddly enough was easier done than you expected. The anger and disappointment you expected from them was absent, instead they were disappointed in themselves, angered that you felt you could not come to them with this. It hurt watching your mother cry as you explained yourself, “I never want you to feel you can’t come to us with something,” your mother cried, as you watched your father try to awkwardly soothe the two of you. 

It was comforting knowing that they would support you the way you needed to be, be there for you and their future grandchild. While they disagreed with your idea to not tell Sunghoon, you were clear that your mind would not change, he had the potential to be the next olympic star, and you would not drag him down with you. It was with their help that you got the next stage of your plan completed.

The second stage of your plan was still going to be attempting college. Just because you were pregnant and going to be having a child, you were not going to let that define your future, you would go to college, get a degree, and get a good job for them. Yet, you had been accepted to your dream college, which was the same one Sunghoon had been accepted to as well, but luckily you had connections abroad. One call to your grandmother and she was clearing two rooms, while your parents helped you research universities in that area. Luckily you had not missed the application date for some of the universities that had your chosen major, quickly applying, and getting those acceptance emails. After high school graduation, you were leaving the country, going to live with your grandmother, and attending a university just twenty minutes from her house. 

The third stage was the hardest stage of all, you had to break his heart, break your own heart, and remove yourself from his life. Just months earlier you would have said Sunghoon was the love of your life, you had started to envision a life with him, both in the skating world and outside of it. It would be a lie if you said you had not thought about your future, the idea of your boyfriend becoming your husband, the two of you living the rest of your life happily together. But, this was reality, not some daydream, and things do not always work out in real life. 

You wanted to end things before graduation, but each and every time you could not. The way he looked in your eyes with nothing but love, causing you to stop in your tracks, instead just going along with what he had planned. The way he held your hand like you were the most precious thing in his life, caused your heart to break a little bit more each and every time you thought of what you had to do. Putting it off made it worse, and before long it was the day of high school graduation, and you had to do it that day, otherwise you might just leave him with no closure, and as much as it hurt, you could not do that. 

The happy photos and joy of graduation had ended two hours prior, and now here you sat, hand in hand on the hood of his car, still in the parking lot at the school, watching as people milled about, slowly leaving. “I need to tell you something,” you started, knowing it would only get harder the more you waited, “I’m moving.” 

Sunghoon nodded his head, without much thought, “Are you living in the dorms at Decelis or in the apartments off campus? I mean if it’s the apartments, we could always go in together, I wouldn’t mind getting out of my house, my little sister is getting to that annoying teenager stage and all afterall.” He was optimistic about the future, especially a future with you.

Shaking your head, you softly sighed, while you would love nothing more than that, it was just not in the cards for you. “No, Sunghoon, I’m moving, moving. Like leaving here, moving. I know we talked about Decelis, but I’ve been accepted near where my grandma lives. She needs my help, so I’m moving to be with her. I wish it didn’t have to be like this, I wish I could stay here, but I just can’t, she needs me more.” You said, once you started talking, it seemed like you needed to fill the void, coming up with things about your grandmother, lies at that. 

“And I just, I love you, but I think it would be best if we just broke up. We are going to be in different places, different time zones, around different people, and I just think it would be for the best. You can probably find someone way better than I am for you in college, and you can focus on your skating. I think it would be for the best.” Despite wanting to be brief, instead it was practically like you were unable to stop talking, everything coming out rushed, part of you hoping he at least heard you, so you did not have to repeat yourself. Since, if you had to say again, you might break down, and you were hoping to save that until you were at home and alone.

“What,” was the first thing from Sunghoon’s mouth, “what are you talking about, moving, grandma, breakup. We can make it work, we can do long distance, I have faith in us, we can make it. Don’t just say it so easily, we can do anything, I believe in us.” He said, as your words started to hit him. He thought he knew you like the back of his hand, but it seems like he did not. There were so many things he did not know about you, it shocked him. You were moving out of the country, you were leaving him, and you were breaking up with him. 

You refused to reply to him, instead just sitting in the uncomfortable silence, as what was said started to settle. He was the one to move from where you were seated first, wrenching his hands from yours, and getting off the hood of the car. Staying where you were for another moment, you wanted to relive those moments again, holding his hands and sharing soft kisses under the moonlight, before this uncomfortable tension set in. Moving, you stood up, making sure to stay on the opposite side of the car from where he stood. 

“Get in the car, I’ll take you home.” Was all Sunghoon said, a coldness audible from his words. He had dreamed of a future with you, being the it couple on campus, possibly going to the Olympics together, skating with one another for as long as time would allow. He was happy, and he thought you were as well, but all he can think is that sometimes people are wrong, and he was wrong for thinking you felt the same as he did. 

The ride home was silent, neither of you spoke, and despite how much it hurt, you just kept reminding yourself it was for the best. He can continue skating like nothing happened, he can move on to someone better, and you will move on with your life. Raise your child, your daughter according to what the latest ultrasound results claimed, and allow him to achieve what you know he can. It felt like time was passing extremely slowly as he drove to your house, minutes feeling like hours, and you hated it, no longer was the silence comfortable or enjoyable, it was cruel and it was cold. 

Not a word was spoken as he stopped in front of your house. It hurt as you heard his car’s engine revving, quickly driving off, before you had even approached the door of your house. Tears began to fall, knowing you had hurt him so badly he did not even care enough to make sure you got to your front door. Entering the house, the tears fell faster, what little strength you had holding them in failed as you reached your room. It only took minutes for your pillow to be soaked, the pain you felt in this moment, worse than any pain you felt before. But, you would deal with it for him, you would not bring him down with you.

Stage three of your plan was the hardest, and you felt that pain as you cried almost all night. The tears only stopped when you passed out, your body being unable to take crying anymore. When you awoke the next day, it was close to three in the afternoon, yet with how much you were crying, it made sense. You had broken up with him, not all you had to do was remove any trace of yourself from his life. Mostly, any remnants of yourself from your joint refuge of years, the skating rink. 

For the two years you were together, the skating rink was a safe haven, where you often would enjoy each other's presence and have dates. It was where you met, where you worked through all your problems, where you fell in love, and now it needed to just be an ice rink, instead of everything it was before. Luckily you knew his schedule, you knew he would not be there, and you knew more than likely he was home doing the same thing you had been last night, crying. 

Entering the rink you immediately went to the locker room, clearing out the space that held your belongings for the last fourteen years. You had spent that long doing what you love, and here it was coming to an end quicker than you would have ever thought. As you stared at things you removed from the locker, mostly photos of your performances, specifically of stills from Sunghoon and your pairs performances, you failed to hear the doors of the locker room opening. Coach Kim might have been harsh, but she was always there when you needed her. It would be a lie if you said it did not hurt when you told her you were quitting, telling her the same story you told Sunghoon, your grandma and going abroad. But Coach Kim had been there in your life longer than he had, and she knew it was more than just that. 

“He’s gonna find out one of these days and feel extremely betrayed that you kept this from him.” Coach Kim’s voice softly said, within the silent and almost empty locker room. You could lie all you want, but she knew what was going on, she knew why you were quitting, but what she could not understand was why you were hiding it from him. A laugh slipped from her lips, looking at your shocked face, mouth agape trying to create a response. “Don’t deny it dear, I could tell you were pregnant last month. Skating is a good workout and it helps keep a lot of the weight from being gained, but I could still see that little bump on your lower stomach. I know you are quitting to not tell him, but you need to tell him, I genuinely think he would stand by you and support you. That boy’s in love with you, he would do anything for you, anything for the both of you.” Coach Kim sat on one of the benches, patting the spot besides her, for you to join her.

Sitting by her, it took everything in you not to cry once again. “I just, I can’t.” you muttered, trailing off, murmuring some unintelligible things. Staring at the photos in your hands, you started to question yourself. Was this plan really for the best, was it really what you needed to do, was telling him the truth better? But, at this point it was too late, you already made all your plans, flights were booked, and you had ended this with him. 

Gazing at the photo in your hands, Coach Kim smiled, it was from your first performance with him. “You know why we paired you two up?” She asked, eyes looking from the photo to you. “When he first joined, he watched you skate, he thought it was cool, and he commented to Coach Lee that he thought you were really pretty. We always thought that you two might become friends on your own, but instead of friendship, you both just seemed to hate each other. So, we decided to pair you both together. We thought you might become friends, that the bad energy between you two would go away. We never would have guessed that the two of you would fall in love, but honestly, watching as you got close, we realized it was inevitable. He would stare at you like you had put the stars up in the night sky just for him. And you would stare at him up at him like he was the moon in your dark night sky. You two completed each other, neither Lee nor I had seen such genuine passion between a pair, since you were not only passionate about skating, but also about each other. A little bit too passionate at the wrong time if you ask me.” She said, her hand gently brushing your stomach as she said her last sentence. Glancing at her watch, she started to stand, offering you her hand, to help you stand as well. “Don’t let this be a goodbye, just let it be a bye for now. You will always be welcome here, even if I’m not your coach and you aren’t training anymore. Our doors will always be open for you, and my office is open if you need to talk, and you know my phone number.” She finished, before heading out, having to attend her next session.

As she left, you were left with all your thoughts once again, and despite the feelings of regret, you had to push on, it already had been done, and you needed to see it through. Quickly you shoved everything in your bag, wanting to get out of here before you broke down crying. It was more difficult than you thought it would be, but maybe that was just because of Coach Kim’s speech. Leaving the locker room, it hurt, knowing this would probably be the last time you were here. Going from being here almost daily for fourteen years, to not being here at all, and despite how much you went through in training, you would miss this place. 

Stage four of your plan started as you arrived home, starting to pack up everything you had for the trip. You were going to stay abroad for who knows how long, a year, two years, maybe the rest of your life. But for now, you just packed essentials, two suitcases, your parents telling you they can always send more in boxes if you need it, but part of you knew it would be useless. It would either be things that do not fit anymore or things you no longer need. It took about twelve hours for you to be satisfied with how you were leaving everything, your room not empty, but trivial things set aside to be donated, broken things set aside to be trashed, and what you felt would have value set aside to be kept. Yet, there was one thing you hid, not wanting to see it, but also not wanting to trash it. A singular box, it was deep purple with silver stripes, within it held every memory of your time with Sunghoon. It sat on the top of your closet shelf, above some boxes of blankets and quilts you were leaving here, wanting nothing that would remind you of him to go abroad with you, except for your memories and the growing child in your stomach.

You kept yourself locked in your house for the next three days, not wanting to chance running into Sunghoon, his sister, or his parents in town. The only person you saw that was not family within those days was Karina, as she tried to convince you to stay, tell him, and live happily ever after. But, as she stood alongside your parents watching you board the plane, she knew even her attempts were useless. Karina stood in your mom’s embrace, the two of them crying, as your father wished things could be different. But in twenty-six hours you would be in another country, at your grandmother's house, rebuilding your life there away from everything you ever knew, and away from the love of your life.

Living with your grandmother was great, she was a wonderful person, and despite her views of your teenage pregnancy, she would always support you and be there for you. The first year living with your grandmother was great, despite six months into it a third roommate being born, she was always willing to help and be there. When you decided to take a gap year instead of starting university straight away, she was supportive of you. When you decided to get a job to help pay for things, she was always willing to care for her great granddaughter. Despite her old age, she was always there and willing to help you, whenever needed. 

A year became two, and then three. Being in your sophomore year at university with a two year old daughter was not something you would have thought was in your future had someone asked you years ago. In high school you would have claimed skating in the Olympics, or skating in the Olympics with Sunghoon, depending what year you asked. But here you were, raising a two year old, attending school, working, and supporting your grandmother. A life that was a lot better than you would have initially thought. 

Yet, not all things stay happy, they say bad things happen in groups of three. Despite it being near the end of your sophomore year, a time that should be joyous, you completed two years of university, it was anything but. It took one bad fall for your grandmother to end up in the hospital, actually, it took one bad fall for your grandmother to not be leaving the hospital at all. The house you were living in was taken out by a fire, a lightning bolt hitting it at the wrong time, igniting a fire and taking the whole thing down, luckily you were not at home when it happened. It took one regular check up for your mom to call you with bad news, your dad had been diagnosed with cancer, and he did not have long left. Despite leaving back home so quickly, you were still too late. A three in the morning call told you the worst news, he had passed, his last words being that he loved your mother, you, and Sohee. 

Three horrible things, just one after another. This was how you ended up in talks with your mother, planning to move back home, back in with your mother, and finishing your university there. You were shocked when you applied to Decelis and they accepted a transfer, even offering some of the same benefits you had been offered before. Three years should be enough, you thought, he should not be there or in your classes. You should not have to be around him or worry about him, or so you thought. 

Karina was the only friend you stayed in touch with during your time abroad, knowing she was the only one that would not immediately tell anyone who asked why you left. So, it was not a surprise when you entered the terminal only to hear a shrill voice yelling out your name, along with your daughter’s name. 

“SOHEE!!!!” Karina yelled at the top of her lungs, grasping the small child in her arms, squeezing her with one arm, as she began squeezing you with the other. A short laugh left your lips, as a look of realization fell upon your daughter's face. “You are just so much cuter in real life, oh my gosh photos aren’t enough.” Karina squealed, starting to pick up the two year old, as your daughter started to realize the woman in front of her was her auntie she only saw in photos. “And look at you, oh my gosh, you look amazing, I’d never guess you produced this while looking like that.”

Allowing Karina to carry your daughter, you grabbed your luggage, following the two of them as you left the terminal. “It’s so odd being back home. I thought we’d stay until I graduated at least. But it was just like one thing after another, but I’m glad we’re back. She’ll finally get to bond with her auntie in a way that isn’t just through facetime now.” You said, poking Karina with your elbow at the last part. “I’ll finally be able to have some me time, since you’ll get to enjoy some auntie and Sohee time.”

“I’ll take all the auntie and Sohee time I can get, like look at this precious little angel, what’s the worst she’s gonna do, bite me.” Karina said, still absolutely enamored with the child she was carrying in her arms. Loading the Sohee into a car seat, she then came back to help you load the luggage into the back of the car. “She really does look like him though.” She muttered, watching as you sadly nodded.

Despite DNA being a fifty-fifty sort of deal, it seems your daughter got his looks, even having identical moles on her nose like he had. If she had short hair, people would probably think it was a baby photo of Sunghoon, and not your daughter. “Hey, she’s got my attitude though, so I think that’s a bit more of a problem than the fact she looks identical to him.” You replied, your voice starting to weaken as you ended your sentence. You carried her for ten months, just for her to come out looking like the person you were trying to forget, as if that was not some type of cosmic justice in some way.

Getting into the car, Karina drove to your parents house, the drive quiet, as Sohee had fallen asleep in the car seat. “Is it bad that I don’t want to wake her?” Karina softly asked you, as you arrived at your house, Sohee’s sleeping figure in the car seat looking akin to an angel, a drastic contrast from the usual rambunctious and energetic toddler she usually is. 

The flight was stressful for the toddler, you were just luckily she had been quiet during it. Instead of screaming and crying, she was being coddled and cuddled by a sweet elderly couple that sat in the seats across from you, allowing you to rest as Sohee got all the attention her little heart desired from all the people around on the plane. She was genuinely such a lovely sweet child, and you were grateful for that. Even as an infant she did not throw much of a fuss, she slept through the night with ease, cried sparingly, and honestly was more mannered than most children. Even now, in her aptly named terrible twos, she was just energetic and excitable, rather than throwing tantrums and screaming at the top of her lungs. The energy and joy from the flight had worn off, causing her to sleep so deeply, you were sure even the slamming car door would not wake her.

Shaking your head, you turned and looked at Karina, watching her still observing her niece’s angelic sleeping face. “It’s fine, just keep an eye on her and I’ll take our stuff in. She’s probably tired from the flight, afterall we were on that plane for over twenty hours.” Getting out of the car, you quickly started removing your luggage from the back of Karina’s car, transporting it to your parents house. A sigh of relief passed your lips as you took out your old house key, seeing it still worked to unlock the door, placing your bags just within the door, you made a mental note to take them to your room later. 

Returning to the car, you were greeted with a bright and smiling face, little Sohee trying her hardest to get out of the carseat. “She woke up on her own,” Karina quickly said, thinking you may have thought she had awakened her. Simply nodding your head, you helped the child out of the carseat. Upon her small shoes hitting the ground, she was off, running circles around the grass of your house’s front yard. Karina exited her car, locking the doors before following you towards your house. A laugh slipped past your lips as you watched her quickly scoop up the running toddler, carrying her into the house, before you entered behind them. 

Sohee quickly took to exploring the new environment, luckily your mother had baby proofed the house the moment she heard the two of you were returning. With that thought, you needed to call your mom soon, see how she was doing. You knew how she handled stress, throwing herself in work and not taking any breaks. Leaving Karina to watch Sohee, you entered your old bedroom, it looked the same as the day you left it. Your parents really did leave it just in case you needed to come back, the only thing they did during the three years was clean it, keeping a layer of dust from accumulating. 

Calling your mother’s number, you expected her to answer it immediately as she always did, but assuming she was so tied up in her work, it was not a surprise when it went to voicemail. “Hey mom, call me when you see this. I just wanted to check in, see how you are doing. Sohee and I arrived safely, Karina brought us home, and Sohee’s currently finding her way around the house. Please don’t work too much, come home as soon as work is over, no overtime today, we’re excited to see you. I love you.” Ending the call you stared at your phone, seeing no immediate reply, it hurt, but you knew her, and hopefully she would see the message. 

Using the time Karina was spending with Sohee, you started to bring your luggage to your room, unpacking quickly. You were happy to see a second bed in your bedroom, allowing both Sohee and you to have your own bed. As you shoved your clothing in the dresser and closet, something caught your eye, a purple box, and it took everything in you not to pull it down from where it sat. Tears almost came to your eyes, before the little voice just outside the doorway caught your attention, “Mommy,” being yelled by little Sohee. 

“Yes, sweetie.” You replied, leaving the closet and seeing your sweet child staring up at you with wide eyes, before she started looking around the room. “This is my old room, and this is where we will be staying from now.” You simply told her, leaning down, looking in her eyes. “You see that bed right there,” you started, pointing to the smaller bed near the bigger bed, “that one right there is your bed, it’s all your own.” At that, the toddler squealed, running towards the Hello Kitty sheets covered bed, jumping onto it with excitement, pulling the soft pink sheets around her small body.

You were lucky she was taking this change well, she adapted to the new environment quickly, much quicker than you had when you moved. It was not even a minute later, her little body was in slumber, all her energy and excitement from earlier drained, she was once again asleep. Closing the door quietly behind you, you left the room, going to find Karina. Upon seeing her, the girl was looking around, obviously for Sohee thinking she lost the child. “She’s sleeping again, all the running tired her out.” A laugh slipped past your lips, seeing the obvious look of relief upon Karina’s face, letting her know she did in fact not lose your daughter. 

After soothing her worries, you found your way back downstairs, sitting on the couch, as Karina took a seat next to you. As the two of you sat together, you started catching up. It was like no time had passed at all, the conversation flowed between the two of you without much effort, with just as much ease as it had before you left. The only time it stilled was when you went to check on Sohee, bringing her down into the living room once more, seeing her awake. You learned all about what Karina was doing, where she worked, her major, and how much longer she had until graduation.

While she had not taken a gap year as you had, she did however change majors after two years, causing a whole year of her classes to be useless. Despite how it set her back, you were happy you would not be alone going into your junior year, especially hearing as she said she was majoring in the same program as you were. While you were happy to hear that, you were sad to find out that you two were not taking the same classes, meaning you would have to make some new friends, or at least new acquaintances. 

The conversation flowed, the two of you watching the young child playing on the floor, and it was not long before you heard a door opening. Your mother had finally arrived, it was late, the sun had already set an hour before, your mother obviously had not listened to her voicemails, instead throwing herself into work as she always did when stressed. At the arrival of your mother, Karina took her leave, excusing herself to go home. 

Despite it being past sweet Sohee’s bedtime, you could not find it in yourself to take her to bed, instead allowing her to stay up to see her grandma in person for the first time in a while. One of your biggest regrets was your father not having much time with her, however, you would make sure your mother got to spend all the time she wanted with your daughter. You were unable to change the past, but you would make sure your mother did not have the same fate. As you thought of that, a singular string of words passed through your mind, what about Sohee’s father, does he not deserve the same courtesy. 

A look of confusion painted your mother’s face as Karina slipped past her, leaving, then upon seeing her girls in the living room. “When did you get home?” She asked, setting her stuff on the floor, rushing over to pull you into a hug, before scooping Sohee’s small figure off the floor.

“I guess you didn’t listen to your voicemails.” You simply said, returning the hug, watching as your daughter clung to her grandma, recognizing her from photos. “We arrived a bit after noon, Karina picked us up and stayed with us until you got here.” The image of your mother softly bouncing your daughter, as she ruffled the girl's long black hair was a sight you would not forget, while the pregnancy was unplanned, at least Sohee was not unwanted or unwelcome in this world. 

Your mother shook her head, she had not even thought about checking her phone, expecting nothing but the usual regards from old friends and well wishes. She was completely enamored with the small girl in her arms, the little toddler clinging to her neck, yawning, obviously tired. “Let’s put her down and then we can continue talking.” 

Nodding your head, you watched as your mother took Sohee to your bedroom, tucking her into her bed. “I love you. Mama, nana, Rina.” gently slipped past the toddlers lips as she was laid in the bed, quickly falling asleep the moment her head hit the pillow.

The talk with your mother was long overdue, you rarely had time to speak when you were away, with time zones and all. You learned before about what had happened just before coming back, how your father went from fine to deathly ill, apparently he had not been fine, and had actually just been hiding it from your mother, so the onset was not sudden it was just hidden. While talking, your mother promised to cut back on her overtime, to only work until the end of her day, not hours over. Which, after seeing how she reacted to seeing her granddaughter, you had no doubt she was being truthful, obviously wanting to spend more time with the toddler. 

Going to bed after talking with your mom, you felt comfortable, maybe it was the old reliable bed that you were laying in, or maybe it was just being back home, the surroundings being something you were accustomed to. But, either way, you felt comfortable, sleep came with ease. Despite the stress of starting at a new university, you were excited for what was to come, for both you and your daughter. 

The next month went by quickly, days spent between looking for a job, hanging out with Karina, and raising your daughter. Your mother was true to her word, actually cutting back her hours, going to part time, allowing her to be around the home more. Karina was always a help as well, willing to watch Sohee while you went to job interviews and got your information changed back to your home address. It was not long before it was just before school was to start, you had been luckily enough to avoid running into any of your former high school classmates, but you knew you would not be as lucky at university, since you knew at least a few would probably be in the same program as you, and all you could hope was that no one caught on, the last thing you needed was for word to get back to him.

Your first day of university was on a Monday, meaning Karina was baby sitting Sohee, seeing how she had Tuesday and Thursday classes, and you were on your way to class. Upon sitting in your first class, it felt more homely than your classes abroad did, no longer were classes full of over five hundred people, instead they were capped at fifty, which you were thankful for. As the class started to fill, not a singular face was recognizable, as it finally was full, you knew no one, and for that, you were thankful. 

This happiness continued until you were in your last class of the day, the other three having not a singular familiar name or face, but of course your luck was running too thin by the end of the day. Class started as normal, the teacher reading the classlist, marking those who were there and those who were not. It was going great until they read a certain name, “Sim Jaeyun,” the teacher, Mrs. Byun read aloud, to no comment. Hearing the name, you thought it must just be someone with the same name, that can happen, it is not rare. “Jake Sim? Sim Jaeyun?” The teacher repeated, “Has anyone seen him, or is he just running late?” 

Hearing the name, your blood ran cold, it was him, of course it had to be someone you knew, and worst of all Sunghoon’s best friend. As the teacher continued, you started planning how to drop the class. It was not required by your major, you had like three other classes you could pick from, but none of them worked with your schedule. You were almost lost in thought when the door opened, and walked no other than Jake himself. 

You watched as he apologized to the teacher, saying something about running late in his prior class, before taking one of the only available seats in the class. After he entered, you looked back down at your desk, staring at the blank sheet of paper your notebook was opened to.  Had you been looking up, you would have seen the look of realization that fell upon his face as his eyes caught your figure. After marking Jake as present, she continued with the class list, your name being called soon after. “Here.”

Upon seeing your face, Jake thought to himself how uncannily that person looked like you. But, it could not be you, since it had been three years since you left to another country. He would have heard if you were back, or at least assumed he would have. Yet, upon hearing the teacher call your name, and a familiar voice responding, he knew he was right. It had been three years, but he would never forget the face of the person who destroyed his best friend, broke his heart, and ruined his dreams. If you were sitting closer to him, you would have been able to see his phone screen, as he sent a simple message to a group chat consisting of three people, Heeseung, Jay, and Sunoo. The message only said ‘she’s back’.

It felt like class was going on forever since you realized who it was sitting two seats in front of you. The end of class could not come quick enough, and when it finally did, you quickly exited, evading an attempt to grab your arm. The fleeting feeling of a hand on your wrist let you know Jake tried to stop you, but you continued walking, escaping his grasp. He was probably going to try to threaten you to leave Sunghoon alone, but he had nothing to worry about, since you planned on never seeing his handsome face again, unless it was on the other side of the television screen, watching him as he skates his heart out, achieving his dreams, a dream you gave up on so many years ago.

This class was your last of the day, so you instead quickly went home, wanting nothing more than the adorable face of your little girl to distract you from what had happened today. Getting to Karina’s house, you soon found yourself seated on her sofa, watching Sohee play with some of the toys she had brought to show Aunt Rina this morning. 

It was as though Karina could tell something was off, maybe it was how you were sitting on edge, or how you were unable to relax into the sofa. “What happened today?” She softly asked, luckily Sohee was too caught up on her toys to pay attention to what the two of you were saying.

“Jake.” You simply replied. “He’s in one of my classes and I’m pretty sure he recognized me.” After saying that, all you could do was pull your legs up to your chest, wanting nothing more than to disappear after seeing a part of your past you had tried so hard to hide from. If he knew, you knew it would only be a matter of time before everyone else knew, Sunghoon knew. You just hoped that if he did find out, he would not approach you, the last thing you needed right now was to deal with those feelings. 

Even all these years later, you still loved him, Sunghoon was your first love, and according to how your heart felt, it planned to make him your last as well. While abroad, no guy ever made you feel the way Sunghoon did, no guy took your breath away like he did, no guy made butterflies flutter within your stomach like he did, no guy held a candle to him. No guy even got to take you out on a date, since those initial feelings were not there, your heart still holding onto its feelings for one specific man, Park Sunghoon. You were sure he would not give you the time of day now, after breaking his heart on a dime, leaving him with only forty-eight hours notice you were leaving, hiding what you have from him; you would not give yourself another chance if you were in his shoes, so why would he. Pushing those feelings aside, all you could think about was how he probably did exactly what you told him to. He found another girl, someone better, she was probably prettier than you, probably better at ice skating than you were, and probably was loved by him just as you once were. 

Tears slipped down your face without your knowledge, it was not until a soft hand was felt on your face, Karina wiping the stray tears away. “You still love him don’t you?” She softly questioned, being able to read you like a book. 

If it was not for your toddler playing away on the floor, you would have burst into tears, but you needed to remain strong for her, for your daughter. She did not need to see her mother like this, crying, especially crying over a man, especially when the man probably did not even love her anymore, especially when she knew the man did not love her any longer. It broke you to admit it, but you knew you would have to get over it some day, and the sooner the better. “I just, I don’t know what I’m feeling, like I shouldn’t, but I kinda do.” Was all that was said, before you decided to change the topic. “I just hope he doesn’t tell him,” you started, taking it back to the topic at hand, Jake, “What if he does? What if they find out about Sohee? I just, maybe I should just take another gap year.” You said, starting to ramble, and wondering why he was in a class for juniors anyways, since he should be a senior. 

“You could always tell him,” Karina started, before immediately deciding this was not the hill she would like to die on, “I’m sure he won’t, I mean, he might tell Sunghoon you are back around, but how would they find out about Sohee, no one knows except me, your mom, and you. I know he was close to your mom, but after you broke up, he stopped talking to her.” Karina moved, hugging you, rubbing your back, as she tried to sooth you. “Don’t take another gap year, just ignore him, what’s the worst thing that could happen, you have to do a class project with him? You do the project and go on with your day. You don’t have to talk to him about anything other than class work, you don’t have to befriend him or anything, and if he tries to start something, tell me and I’ll fight him.”

Karina always knew how to make you laugh, you only imagine her trying to fight the boy that had quite a bit of height on her, and knowing her, she would do it if you asked her to. “Professional. We have class together, it does not mean we need to be friends again or anything.” You mutter under your breath, nodding your head, before looking up at her. Deciding to finally return her hug, wrapping your arms around her, you squeezed her tightly before letting her go. “Thank you so much.” You mumbled against her shoulder.

After that day at Karina’s house, you decided to not let him bother you. The worst he could do is tell Sunghoon, then all you could do is ignore him, but it seems he did not tell him after all. The next day nothing happened, then the day after you had class with him again, but once again, nothing. You thought maybe he was no longer friends with him, but you also knew better than that. It just seems he had not told Sunghoon of your return, and for that you were thankful. 

Classes progressed as normal, until Friday, of course it was the end of the first week of classes, but it was not too early for a massive project, at least according to one of your professors. Most professors wait until you have had classes for a few weeks before throwing any big project on you, but not Mr. Yoon, he decided week one was the perfect week to start a project worth ten percent of your final grade. Luckily it was not due until week four, but still that left three weeks to get it done, or you would end up only being able to get a B in his class at best. 

Your group consisted of three people you only knew through your class, for which you were grateful, no one you knew from high school was in your group, which was wonderful. Jungwon, Sakura, and Sunoo were the people you had been assigned to. Staying for a bit after class, the four of you discussed when to meet up to work on it, and other miscellaneous things about your schooling. Jungwon was only a sophomore, but was allowed to take some advanced classes, something about him getting credits while in high school allowing him to be a bit advanced. Sakura was somewhat of a super junior, having changed her major three times, but she swore this time it would stick, no more changing for her, this was it. Sunoo was a junior like you were, oddly enough it seemed as though he already somewhat knew Jungwon, but you were not entirely sure. 

Leaving to return home to your daughter, your first thought was how oddly well the week went. You did not run into Sunghoon, you saw neither Jay nor Heeseung, two of his other friends, and Jake did not try to speak to you again after the first day, but also you sorta ran outta class everyday so he did not have the chance either. The thought that the semester might be great was the first thing you could think of, since the classes did not seem that bad, nor did your classmates. 

As you watched Sohee practically devour the food on her plate, your phone buzzed, the group chat that you had been added into for your group project. There was already a text from Jungwon asking when everyone wanted to meet, it was quickly decided that the four of you would meet up the next day at a cafe in town to work. Hopefully the coffee and pastries would help you get through the work quicker. As you four texted, you came up with a game plan of what to do. First, pick the topic of your research. Second, decide who was doing what. Third, create your presentation with your research.You laughed, reading as Sunoo replied to the three steps with a fourth. Fourth, turn in your amazing project and slay that grade. 

Looking up, you put your phone away, starting to clean up, before putting Sohee down. She had taken your starting school back a lot better than you expected. It was great that she was so adaptable, she had no problem staying with Karina or your mother as you worked and went to class. Gazing at her sleeping form, you decided you needed to take her out once you were a bit more stable in the school year, let her enjoy a trip to a fair or some sort of playplace, you knew she would enjoy that. 

Starting to prepare for bed yourself, you noticed your mother still was not home. It was odd, she had been so good about not working overtime. Shooting her a quick text message, you asked her ‘are you okay, working over time again, let me know when you get home’, not knowing whether she would see it or not. Finally settling down in bed, you fell asleep quickly, hoping that tomorrow would go as well as you hope it will.

Upon waking up, you saw a reply from your mother, but it did not say something you expected it to. Instead of her saying sorry she had to cover another shift, as she usually did, instead she explained she got recruited for a last minute business trip, she would be back in a week or so she claimed. Sighing, you realized you might have to cancel your group, your mom was usually off on Saturday’s, so you assumed she could watch Sohee. Karina worked on Saturday’s, so you knew you would be unable to get her to help you. 

It took you until you had finished fixing breakfast for Sohee and yourself to decide what you were going to do, instead of canceling, you sent a quick text to the group chat, ‘is it okay if I bring a guest? the sitter canceled and our backup isn’t available” Maybe it was wrong of you to not explicitly say it was your child, but honestly it was not anyone’s business whether this child was yours or not, for all they know it could be your sibling or just a friend’s child. Luckily they all quickly agreed, and after breakfast you spent the rest of the morning getting the two of you ready for working on your project. 

Packing your own bag, making sure you had your laptop and books, led to Sohee wanting her own bag to take. As you placed a small children’s book, your tablet, some headphones, and a small toy into the bag, she grabbed a random stuffed rabbit. Looking at the rabbit, you were confused as to where she had gotten it, staring at the flopping ears of the toy, it hit you. It was something Sunghoon had given you, the grey soft toy sent your mind into a trip down memory lane. It was what made your feelings towards him start to change in the first place. That first day spending time together, the two of you decided to visit the carnival that was in town, trying to become at least friendly. You played a game, trying to win the stuffed toy yourself, however you failed repeatedly. Unbeknownst to you, he had watched you fail over and over again, deciding to try his own luck once you moved onto another game. He won the game with ease, the grey rabbit being the prize he saw you eyeing before, and he quickly chose it as his prize. Giving it to you at the end of the night, claiming he won it and did not want it, he only admitted that he won it for you after you started dating, claiming he saw how much you sucked at the games and wanted to help you. How Sohee had found it, you were unsure, but upon seeing the purple box sitting on the floor of the closet, the blankets it was sitting on top of were gone, you knew your mother had placed it down there, probably giving Sohee the toy without a second thought. 

Watching as she hugged the rabbit tight, the small child nuzzling her face into the long ears of the rabbit, it reminded you of how you slept with it on your bed at night, how Sunghoon had sprayed it with his cologne, claiming he did it so it would smell like him. Hearing the soft murmurs of Sohee as she talked softly to her toy, you did not have the heart to take it from her, instead letting her enjoy the rabbit, thinking maybe one day you would tell her the toy was from her father. 

Glancing at your clock, you realized you needed to get going if you wanted to get to the cafe in time. Sohee was ready, just waiting for her backup, so quickly placing it on her, you grabbed your own, and the two of you started your walk to the cafe. The cafe was luckily just around the corner from your own house, so it took not even ten minutes of walking to get there, and you were hoping that the walking would sort of tire the toddler out so she would not be a distraction while you were working with your project group.

Upon entering the cafe, you were happy to see no one else there, being the first to arrive meant you were not late, and also that you were allowed to select a table away from all the others currently occupying the cafe. Taking the only table that would seat all five of you, you placed Sohee on a seat in the corner, getting her situated before looking at the menu. The only thought on your daughter's mind was the sweets however, her mumblings about the cookies and cupcakes. Letting her decide what she wanted, you quickly picked her up, going over to the counter, ordering yourself a coffee while getting her one of the large cookies she was staring at. 

Sitting back down, you hoped that it would keep her busy, so you could work. You started to get your books out, along with other things that were needed as you waited. Sakura was the first to arrive, quickly noticing you alongside the small child who would have been absolutely devouring her massive cookie had she not been in public. Sohee sat quietly, watching with her large brown eyes as Sakura sat on the other side of her, and started to fawn over her. A soft laugh left your lips, quickly telling Sakura her name, before you say the third member of your group enter, Jungwon. Not even a minute later, Sunoo arrived, in the middle of the other two members of your group talking and commenting on how adorable the small little girl sitting next to you was. 

Once you were all there, you started to get to work, the others pulling out their notebooks and all, while they started to order their own coffee, in preparation to get this work started. “We need to pick our topic first.” Jungwon announced, as he sipped his own drink, pausing for a second before he seemed to remember something. “Mr. Yoon gave me a list of topics, I know I have it here somewhere.” He commented, starting to search through his folder, you were lucky he seemed to take the position of leader of the group, seeming to fit into the role so naturally, there was no need to try to change who was leading the discussion. Jungwon easily took charge of the group, starting to outline everything that was needed for the assignment. 

As you all read the list of topics, you quickly decided upon one, granted after a few complaints from Sakura about how each topic was a psychology topic, like she forgot this was a psychology class. The three of you started to outline who would research what, compiling a list of what each of you would be doing. Getting everything set up on your laptop, you have a document and powerpoint prepared with each of them added, so they can do their own parts as they complete their work. Despite how you were all working fluidly and quickly together, quite a bit of time passed. By the time you realized it was a few hours later, sweet little Sohee had curled herself up in her seat, softly sleeping while clutching her stuffed toy. 

If you were not so caught up in working, you would have noticed the odd looks Sunoo was casting towards the small child ever so often. Sunoo did not attend the high school you did, so you did not know him, but he knew of you. It was his first year of university when he met Sunghoon, Jay, Jake, and Heeseung. Seeing how this happened after you left Korea, you had no idea who he was friends with, who he was closest with. 

Sunoo would not admit it, but something felt odd, the small child that accompanied you reminded him of someone, but who he could not place. He did not know anything about you other than what he had been told, the stories of you breaking Sunghoon’s heart like it was nothing, and then running away. The child felt familiar, like someone he had seen before, but he could not remember how or where he would have seen them. He was not often surrounded by children, just ignoring his thoughts, he passed it off as someone he must have seen on streets one day, but the thought would remain even after he tried to move his thoughts on. Where had he seen this child before, who was it the child reminded him of, and why. 

Working on the project was much easier than you had thought, luckily you were with three people that actually cared about their grades, they all pulling their own weight with the work, and wanting a good grade. As the sun started to set, you all realized you should probably stop here for now, having worked for quite a few hours together. You could continue your research and all at home, and hopefully get everything done before your due date, that way you would have less stress regarding the project. 

The four of you all decided to end it there, starting to pack up and leave. As the four of you started to exit, carrying a tired Sohee on your hip, you had started to walk back towards your house when Sunoo stopped you. “Did you not drive here?” He asked, watching as you were looking back down the sidewalk, the way you walked here. 

Nodding your head, you looked at him, “I only live about ten minutes away that way, we just walked.” Telling him that, you started to realize just how dark it was getting, maybe you should have driven here. You did not plan for the four of you to do so much work today, let alone stay so late. Despite the darkness, you still needed to get home, and while there were only sparse lamps, you were sure you could make it home completely fine.

Sunoo shook his head at your reply, it was far too dark for you to be walking home at this time, let alone with a child to care for. “Let me drive you home, it’s too late for you to walk home, especially with a child.” He said. Despite the fact Jay, Jake, and Heeseung had warned him to stay away from you, especially after what you did to Sunghoon, and how he felt the uncanny feeling that he had seen your child before, he was not going to let you walk alone in the dark by yourself. “I’m going that way anyways, I can just drop you off on the way. I don’t have a car seat, but I think it’s probably safer than walking home with her.” He added.

As much as you hated to admit it, it was true, the sun had set a lot faster than expected too, what was sparse daylight, now only five minutes later was nothing but moonlight. Nodding your head, you agreed with him, despite the fact that you did not know him very well, just from his looks and what you knew of him, you knew that the two of you would be safer riding with him than walking. “Thank you.” You said, agreeing, and walking alongside him to his car, loading Sohee into it, before getting into it yourself. The car ride was silent, you simply pointing out which house was yours, and him stopping there. “Thank you, have a good night.” You told him as you exited his car, taking Sohee with you as you walked towards your house, entering it, and going to your bedroom. After the eventful day the two of you had, it took only moments for both of you to be asleep. Sohee was already asleep before reaching home, but you fell asleep with ease. 

The next week went by with ease, work was not too difficult, you finished your part of your group project, and luckily to your surprise, Jake did not try to talk to you, even when you had to stay after class a bit late. Before you knew it, it was Saturday, and you decided to have a girls day. Inviting Karina to join you and Sohee at the cafe, earlier in the morning this time, that way you would not have to risk walking in the dark again. 

The three of you sat in the cafe, enjoying pastries and coffee. It was no surprise that little Sohee was going absolutely feral on the cake pop she had been given, what was once an orange fox was now nothing more than a pile of chocolate cake and orange color chocolate on a napkin, most the orange chocolate coloring the child’s face. Karina and you finished your own food before deciding it was time to clean the messy toddler, while she had done a good job of removing the chocolate from her face with napkins, there was still a little bit of orange residue left. Karina offered to take her, as you started to clear the table and get ready to leave. The two of you had told the child you would take her to the park, a reward for her wonderful behavior this prior week.

Watching as Karina took Sohee to the restroom to clean up, you started to get your things together, getting ready to leave. Had you been observing your surroundings, you would have seen a figure you wished to avoid. It was not until he sat at your table that you noticed him, Park Jongseong, also known as Jay. Looking up at him, you could not fathom why he would have made his way over to your table, you were not close with him in high school, and you sure were not close with him now. If you had the time to think, you would have quickly excused yourself, leaving him at the table alone. However, instead there you sat frozen, shocked that one of Sunghoon’s friends seemed to have the gall to actually talk to you, especially after how you left.

Jay had seen you long before you saw him, working in the cafe to gain some job experience, he just happened to be on shift when you entered with Karina. He was honestly glad he was in the back when you entered, since had you seen him, you probably would have left. He was surprised to see you, he heard the claims you were back, Jake saying you were in class and Sunoo being in your assigned project group for another class, but he did not believe it until he had seen you with his own eyes. 

What he did not expect to see with you was a small child. A small child that looked like someone had taken a childhood photo of Sunghoon, photoshopped a wig on it, and made the cheeks chubbier. Anyone that knew Sunghoon and his sister would probably mistake the small child for a third sibling, a much younger sibling, but nonetheless, the resemblance was uncanny. As he continued to clean, something hit him, you were gone for three years, you left abruptly, and now here you sit with a child that is probably close to three years old. The thought passed through his mind, and he tried to ignore it, it just could not be true, it could not. You would not have left Sunghoon like that, the two of you were in love, he would have stood alongside you, supported you through it all. 

A moral dilemma ran through his mind as he watched Karina, Sohee, and you. As Karina took Sohee to wash up, he finally decided to confront you on his suspicions. He sat across from you, and luckily he did not waste any time getting right to what he was wanting to say. “She’s Sunghoon’s isn’t she?” 

Looking at the man in front of you, you started to shake your head, wanting to deny it. You were terrified he would tell Sunghoon. The fear of everything you built crashing down loomed in your mind. You had spent years raising her on your own, she was yours, you did it to protect him, you did it for him. He could not have achieved his goals if he had a child and girlfriend at home, he would have had to pick, and you would not allow him to make that choice. He was probably training happily somewhere, his new girl by his side, he had to be happier than he was with you, he just had to be. 

Jay could tell you were shocked, of course you were, you had hidden this from everyone for what three years. He could only assume the only ones that knew the truth were Karina and your mother, two people that would never betray you. As he watched you struggle, one thought came to his mind, “Don’t lie. She looks identical to him, anyone would be able to tell.” was all that came out of his mouth.

At his words, you slowly nodded, feeling like you were back up against a wall, nowhere to go. You could deny it, but like Jay said, she was a carbon copy of him with long hair. It was like you had hit copy, paste, and print, with how much she looked like her father. A sigh left your lips, “She is,” was all you could say. The thoughts going through your head were unstoppable, moving at breakneck speed, thought after thought, panic set in. “Please don’t tell him. Act like you never saw us. He doesn’t need to know.” You started to plead to the man across from you, your words all jumbled together. At this point, the only thought on your mind was Sunghoon finding out and taking you from her, you could not lose her.

Shock was clear on Jay’s face as he heard you start to plead, a fear in your voice confused him, why would you fear Sunghoon finding out. He was the father after all, he deserved to know about his child, even if it was about two years too late for him to be finding out about himself having a child. Oddly, the fear in your voice stopped some of his thoughts, he was thinking of how to tell Sunghoon, how to break it to him why you left, but those thoughts stopped, since you should be the one to tell him. “I won’t,” he finally started, “but you need to tell him. This is obviously why you left to start with, and I think he deserves that closure. And if you don’t tell him, someone else will. You can’t deny how much she looks like him, someone will put the pieces together and tell him, if you don’t first.” 

Nodding your head, you watched as Jay’s face changed. He went from defensive, to softening, the boy you knew in high school appearing once again in front of you. “I know,” you knew you needed to tell him, but how was the question. “I just, I just don’t know how.” You softly muttered. You knew he deserved to know about Sohee, but how could you tell him, how would he react, and so many other thoughts plagued your mind. 

Jay nodded, seeing the panic in your eyes, the fear causing your voice to turn soft. He saw the person he knew in high school once more, the selfless person who would give anything for their friends, the person who always wanted the best for everyone. Grabbing a pen from his pocket, he quickly scribbled his number onto the receipt that sat on your table. Part of him was telling him not to, but the other part of him won, the part that wanted to help you, wanted to help Sunghoon, wanting his friend group to be whole again. “I need to get back to work, but you can always text me if you need to.” He told you, the familiar smile gracing his face, before he returned to work.

It was odd, you expected him to threaten to expose you, or tell you to stay away from Sunghoon, but instead he was willing to help you. Watching as he walked back behind the counter, you decided he was only willing to help you since he wanted you to tell Sunghoon about the child. As Karina sat back down at the table, you knew Jay was right, either you needed to tell him, or someone else would.

Despite how badly you did not want to tell Sunghoon, you knew that you needed to, either he would find out through you, or through someone else. You had kept this hidden from him for almost three years, but that was easy, you were living abroad, no one knew you, no one knew him, there was no one that could tell on you. Here, it was a risk, never knowing when you were going to run into an old classmate or one of his friends. 

Shoving his number into your bag, you finished putting all of your things into your backpack. Picking up Sohee, you watched as Karina grabbed her keys, getting ready to leave. As the three of you reached the door, you gave one quick glance towards Jay, before finally exiting the cafe. Buckling Sohee into her carseat, you decided to put that number to use later tonight, see what everyone has been up to since you left. While that probably is not the reason he gave you his number, you just felt as though you were not ready to approach the topic of how to tell Sunghoon yet. 

Arriving back at your house, you allowed Sohee to play by herself as you started to clean in the kitchen. Only minutes after leaving Sohee to play with Karina, Karina joined you in the kitchen. “What did Jongseong want?” she asked, getting quickly to the point.

You had hoped she did not see that Jay had been at your table, that she did not see him, or that she thought he was maybe just doing his job. With a sigh, you rested on the counter, staring at Karina, not knowing what to say. You could tell her the truth, or you could lie, and at the moment a lie seemed better than the truth. But as you thought of his words, a sob racked your body, looking at the counter, you had to will yourself to not cry at this moment. “He knows.” was all you said, the words being all that needed to be said. 

A gasp was heard from Karina, she was shocked, confused, and just astounded. “What! How?” She knew that no one knew about Sohee, and her first thought was that he had realized Sohee was your daughter, but unbeknownst to her, the truth was much worse. “Just because you had Sohee with you today doesn’t mean she’s your child, you could have said you were babysitting or something.” Karina started, thinking up lie after lie that you could have used to explain the child.

Shaking your head, it took everything to not slam your head against the counter, but you knew that would not help this problem, it would only bring you pain. Which, honestly at this point, you were in enough pain without having to add physical pain to that mix. “Karina, he knows she’s his.” You told her, watching as the look of realization shifted on her face, as what you said finally hit Karina full force. “She looks so much like him, I couldn’t lie my way out of that, what would I say? The only other person that someone could mistake her for would be Sunghoon’s own father, you and I both know good and well there would be no reason in hell why I’d have Sunghoon’s little sibling, and Jay being his best friend he’d know if Sunghoon had another sister.” 

Taking a deep breath, it helped to bring a calming effect over you. Not wanting to possibly alarm your daughter in the next room, you calmed yourself down, so as to not scream or yell. “He said he wouldn’t tell him,” you started, seeing Karina’s look shift from anger to confusion, why would Jay help you, why would he care. “I just don’t know what to do. He put forth a really good case for telling him, but I just, I can’t lose her too.” The anger you held had shifted into sadness, the biggest reason why you did not want him to know, made itself known. As tears started to fall down your cheeks, you started to softly sob. 

Everything you loved and treasured was lost when you saw that little pink plus sign on that test; your love of skating, your Olympic dreams, your future plans, and most of all, him. Sohee was all you had left of him, and if he took her, you would have nothing. While nothing in your life showed any evidence that given the opportunity he would take your daughter from you. But it did not keep your mind from creating outlandish scenarios. What if you told him, just for him to immediately file for custody, and be giving your daughter. What if you told him and he took her, so he could raise her with someone way better that he loves more than he ever loved you. What if you told him, and he just took her purely to hurt you like you hurt him. There were so many what ifs, that made you want to keep her existence all to yourself. But, at the same time, the ideas of what if someone else told him plagued your mind as well. What if someone else tells him and he takes her anyways. Either way, you saw no win in telling him or letting someone else tell him. But, you knew deep in your mind that he had to find out from you, not another.

Seeing you sobbing, Karina moved from where she stood, wrapping her arms around you. You cried into her shoulder, you were unsure of how long you cried, but you stopped as you heard soft footsteps wobbling into the kitchen. Karina separated from you, allowing you to take a moment to compose yourself, as she took Sohee back into the living room. At that moment, you decided you would textJay tonight once Karina leaves, you were not going to discuss what he probably wants to, but instead just to see how everyone you left was doing now.

The cleaning was finished, Karina had left hours ago, Sohee had eaten and bathed, and was now sleeping. It was only then you dug the number out of your bag, sending a quick text to the number, saying who it was. Jay was quick to respond with a confirmation that you had the right number. Staring at the phone, you wondered if you should even do this, maybe it would be best to block the number, delete it from your phone, and act like you never messaged him. But, you knew this would have to come sooner or later, and while you had the courage to do it, you would.

‘How has everyone been since I moved’, was all you messaged him, knowing that what was to come would break you, it would probably hurt you worse than it did all those years ago. ‘Heeseung graduated college and he works at the office downtown’, Jay responded to start with. Heeseung was someone you were not that close with, but you knew him, through Sunghoon of course. ‘What about the rest of you? In your senior years right?’ you replied back to him. He quickly replied notifying you they were ‘juniors actually’, which explained why Jake was in your class, but you were confused, they started college the year you left, they should be seniors, sending him a message back all you asked was ‘why’. For a moment you thought maybe Jay decided not to talk to you after all, since he did not reply, it was almost five minutes later when he replied. ‘I think the reason why would be a better conversation to have in person’, unsure how to respond to him, you just changed the conversation. Jay told you about his job, about Jake’s dog, and about what had happened to the three of them the past years, but not a word was said about Sunghoon. 

Texting with Jay only lasted for a few hours, you learned about what had been going on since you left. He told you of your former classmates who moved, former couples that broke up, classmates who got together, and who stayed around. Working at the cafe gave him an easy way to see all the drama and gossip, so if anything happened around, he knew it. Thanking him, you decided to end the conversation, saying you needed sleep to be ready to handle Sohee in the morning, and that maybe you could meet up, so he could tell you those things he did not want to over a text. At that response, all he replied with was ‘her name is Sohee’, and with that you fell asleep.

The next day happened like you had never met Jay the day prior, there was no barrage of text on your phone from Sunghoon or anyone else. It was obvious he was a man of his word, for at least this moment he was, and you could only hope he stayed that way. There was never a friendship between Jay and yourself, it was always a friend of your boyfriend type of relationship, since that is all he was to you. But, you just hoped he had enough morals to keep his word and not tell Sunghoon. 

As you rose from bed, Sohee was already up, the familiar grey bunny in her hands, playing with it silently, along with her other toys. The child was oddly up a bit too early for your liking, but you knew there was no use in getting her back in bed, instead choosing to just rise, and prepare for the day. Cooking breakfast for the child, part of your mind started to say it would be best to get the talk over with now, text Jay and find out why they were a grade behind. Within the confines of your mind, there was not an idea as to why they would have taken a gap year, and even if the Olympics were in Sunghoon’s cards, why would Jake and Jay have taken a gap year as well. 

Sohee quickly ate her food, wanting nothing more than to go back to playing, while you decided today is not the day. The conversation will be there another day, and today is not that day. This day would be a simple and easy day for yourself and your daughter, you felt it was needed. No stress, no drama, no work, no constantly being on the go. Just a simple day to bake together and watch her favorite movies, Sohee wanting nothing more than to watch Frozen and sing like Elsa, as any child her age would. 

That was exactly what your day was as well. No guests, no stress, and no drama. Just spending time with your daughter, having fun enjoying your time together. As you cleaned the flour off of the counter, the calling card of a child who had a little too much fun with the measuring cup, Sohee ran around your feet. “Do you wanna build a snowman,” She sung-screamed at the top of her lungs, the excitement the child held since you mentioned Elsa was insurmountable. 

“How about you get your princess dress?” You questioned the child, almost tripping over her, as you went to finish the last of the dishes as the treats the two of you baked continued to cool. A squeal was immediately heard, then only the sounds of feet rushing up the stairs. As you finished cleaning the kitchen, Sohee ran back into the kitchen, dressed in her Elsa dress with her long blonde wig, items that Karina insisted she needed after seeing the child’s reaction to the movie. Sohee was quick to attempt to help you, wanting to carry the plate and cups, but her little arms left her unable to reach them from where she stood. “Here, put that on the table in the living room okay,” you offered her the plastic plate, knowing the worst that could happen would be her cookies ending up on the floor. Watching as she wobbled off, you followed suit, drinks in hand, ready to watch both Frozen movies, and probably another Disney movie of the child’s choice, before it would be her bedtime. This was exactly what you did as well, Sohee proudly made it through both Frozen movies, but only halfway through Encanto before she was asleep on the sofa, marking the end to a perfect day. 

The next weeks were doldrum, classes passed as planned, and everything was as it should be. Within the space of your head, you had honestly forgotten about your conversation with Jay days ago. Things were going well, honestly, too well for your liking, but you were not one to question joy or when things passed with ease. But, all that changed during your last class on Friday. The concept of group projects should have dawned on you, but you had a secret hope that if there was one, you would select your own groups. However, of course, you were unable to select your own groups, and instead were assigned pairs. It took all the willpower within your brain to not sigh as the instructor called your name along with Jake’s. It was just your luck, out of everyone in the class, you were paired with the one singular person you would rather avoid.

It was nearing the end of the semester, you had been lucky to avoid having to deal with Jake at any point, but of course your luck had run out. Being paired with him to do the final project. Had it not been for the giant portion of your grade this project was worth, you would have contemplated just taking the zero. But with the project being worth thirty percent of your final grade, you knew that was not an option. You stayed after class, hoping that the project would go smoothly, the last thing you needed was any more problems than you already had. 

Seeing the bitter look on Jake’s face as he turned to face you, the idea of dropping this class four months ago popped back up, you had missed your chance, and if you had only taken it, this would not be happening. Getting up, you decided to make your way to him, seeing how the class was empty by this point, and it did not seem like he was going to make any effort. “Give me your number and I’ll text you so we can plan what to do.” You said, offering him your notebook, on an open page. 

He took it, and wrote his number, his facial expression changing none as he did so. It seemed like he was planning what to say, but you did not give him any chance, taking the notebook and running out the classroom before he could stop you. The project would be completed, you would remain professional, the class would be completed, and then you would never have to be around him again.

Wasting no time, as you made it home, after picking up Sohee from Karina’s, the text was sent. ‘When should we meet up to discuss the project?’, and luckily he replied quickly, ‘next monday after class’. And with that, the date was set, you were lucky it was a day that Karina would have Sohee. You trusted Jay, he knew for three months at this point, and had not told Sunghoon a thing, but Jake, you knew if he knew then Sunghoon would know within minutes. Jake was always much closer to Sunghoon than Jay was, they were each other's yes men, and secrets were never secrets long around one another.

As the weekend came and went, before you knew it, you were in your last class of the day, just waiting to start on the project with Jake. Entering the study room you had reserved and given Jake the directions to, you started to get your things out, prepare to get this over with. However, it seems the universe had other plans. “Surprised you came,” Jake said shortly, almost like he was trying to provoke you, however, all that happened was you ignoring his comment, unable to play the game he was so desiring.

Placing all your things on the table, you opened your laptop. “Let’s just get this work done,” you said, as you started to pull the textbooks and other various resources you had been given throughout the semester out. Despite the uncomfortable air, you just wanted to get your work done with, yet, as Jake scoffed, it seemed as though that might be impossible.

To your surprise, the two of you work together without much argument. Getting everything sorted out, who will do what, and what you are specifically doing. There were snarky comments thrown in throughout, mostly from his side, but you ignored them, trying to be the bigger person. It was working too, until Jake received a call, announcing he needed to leave. As you were packing up, he could not stop himself from trying to anger you once more.

“Sunghoon wants someone that actually cares for him to hangout with. Unlike you, some of us had to pick up the pieces and help him during the hardest time of his life.” Jake said, collecting all of his items from the table, packing them up. “But, you wouldn’t know anything about that, now would you, instead running out and leaving all the pieces. Disappearing when he needed you most. Running away and leaving him at the lowest point he has ever been.” With that, he left the room, leaving you in silence.  

Not a word slipped through the awestruck lips of yours, a breakup is bad, but you were sure it could not have been that bad. The worst time of his life, Jake to be exaggerating, there is no way things were that bad for him. Yet, as you eventually gathered your thoughts, thanks to the group that needed the room after you had knocked at the door, it was time you decided that conversation with Jay needed to happen. Leaving the room, you sent him a text, simply asking him ‘are you available tomorrow I think we need to talk’, with that text you could only assume he knew what you meant by talk, since all he replied was ‘when and where’.

Meeting up with Jay the next morning, the park was empty, given it was a school day so kids were in classes, and most people would not enjoy the park’s ambiance until the afternoon, it left it a great place to talk. Seated, you watched Sohee playing around on the playground equipment, distracting you as you waited for Jay to make his appearance. How long Jay was there, you were unsure of, instead all your thoughts were on your daughter, watching as she attempted to climb up a slide, having the time of her life playing on the playground alone. 

“She really does look just like him, doesn’t she.” Jay commented, finally sitting down next to you. If you could read his mind, you would know he was confused when you texted him, he thought that you had given up on finding out what happened that year you were gone. But, he was secretly happy you wanted to find out. He knew Sunghoon had not been the same since you left, despite all their attempts, he refused to move on, claiming you were his other half and without you he was not whole. It was a love Jay could admire, despite how foolish it seemed during the time he thought you left him for no reason, he must admit, he could even tell you still felt for your once lover. Jake would have banished Jay from the group chat if he knew what he was thinking, but seeing how the two of you were, he had hope that one day you may potentially be reunited. 

The sudden interruption from the welcome silence by Jay’s voice made you jump for a moment, before calming down enough to nod your head. “She really does, doesn't she? Ten months and she comes out looking nothing like me.” The comment slipped past your lips, but you knew it was not what you were here to discuss with him. “What happened that year?” You asked, voice soft, like it was something you should not be asking. Part of you did not want the answer, the way Jake reacted told you it was bad, but how bad was the real question.

A sign left Jay’s mouth, he rested his elbows on his knees as he ran his hands through his hair. “We took a gap year,” he initially said, almost unsure of how to explain what happened during that time, but he decided no matter how he explained it, so he instead just started with the reason why. “Sunghoon, he threw himself into skating when you left. He would enter the ice rink with the key he had and stay way past closing. There would be days he would spend eighteen hours skating and the other six was everything else. I guess trying to keep himself from feeling the pain, but he pushed himself too hard. He somehow managed to fall and hit the wall of the rink, somehow he was going so fast and fell at such a bad angle, he shattered his leg. It was about a month after you left, Jake and Heeseung and I were hanging out, his mom called us in tears from the hospital.” 

With a pause, you found yourself shocked, hearing what had happened, you knew that Jay had only started the story. Shifting your eyes between him and your daughter, you tried to keep up with what was coming out of his mouth, knowing that sadly the root of all of this was you. Despite promising to love him forever and be there for him, claiming to love and support him, you had done the worst thing of all, hurt him. 

“He was out for six months, not long in the scheme of things, but long enough for them to say he had no chance of the Olympics. But then they gave him the worst news of all, the way his leg was, he would probably never competitively skate again. We all took a gap year except for Heeseung. Jake and I were the only reasons Sunghoon kept going some days.” Jay told you, shifting his gaze from the ground to you. “I can’t tell you how many times he had called you, but you had his number blocked. How many times he cried out for you, he even called your mom at some points, but she even claimed you changed your number and she did not have it. At some point, it just all stopped, the crying, the pain, like he was numb. It was like he had given up, telling us to leave him and let him suffer alone. Jake and I, it took months to get him to just wake up in the morning before four in the afternoon. We had to enroll him into university without his knowledge or he probably wouldn’t have ever started.”

Listening to him, you nodded your head, but only one train of thought was on your mind at this point, “What about now? How is he now? Is he doing better?” The only thoughts that could plague your mind were involving him, how was he now, how is he today, is he doing better, did he finally move on, was he still in love with you like you were with him.

A sigh left Jay’s mouth of your question, as he stared at you, it was like he was reading right through you, like anything you had hidden he now knew and knew the answer to. “He couldn’t compete again, but instead of competing, he teaches, he helps them teach the children at the rink. He is doing what I think is the best he can do. He’s trying.” Jay said, glancing at his watch, seeing the time. Standing up, “I need to go, work. But I really think you need to talk with him.” At that, he started to walk away, saying one last thing under his breath, “I also still think he’s in love with you, since despite all these years he refuses to move on.”

Staring at Sohee as Jay walked off, you felt this tinge in your heart. You had caused him such pain, in your desire to not keep him from his dreams, you instead robbed him of his dreams. Sitting alone in the park, the tears started to fall, despite how badly you did not want them to. Not only had you taken his dream from him, but he was still in love with you, or at least Jay felt so, but you think he probably hoped you did not hear his last comment. It took you a few minutes to compost yourself, the tears drying as you heard Sohee make her way over to you. The child climbed onto the bench beside you, laying against your arm, and at the sight of her trying to nap, tired from all her playing, only one thought stayed in your head. At this moment he might still love you, but would he still love you after you reveal to him the reason you left three years ago, and introduce him to his daughter.

Getting back home from the park, you texted Jake to schedule a time to work on the project, you understood his hostility towards you now, but you still needed to do this work. Then, a text was sent to Karina, telling her everything you had learned, even though she herself did not know any of it, probably because they knew she would have told you had she known. Throughout the day, Jay’s words stuck in your head, how badly you hurt him, maybe leaving was a mistake, but at the time, you thought it was for the best. Yet, it seems maybe the best would have to do like Karina suggested all those years ago, be truthful and tell him everything. But, you could not take that back now, all you could do was think of what you might do in the future, and how you might tell him. 

The next day, you decided to work with Jake once again, hoping maybe things could go smoother this time, but you knew that was a lousy thought. Jake would probably try to provoke you once more, and blame you, and honestly, it was your fault, and you could not blame him for how he felt. Setting up the room once more as you waited for him, the idea of how to approach him on this topic was all you could think of. How do you start a conversation of why you left and broke his best friend's heart and caused him to break his leg and ruin his dreams? You can not just come out and say you left since you were pregnant, since Sunghoon would know within minutes of Jake knowing, and what could you say, sorry for leaving Sunghoon a mess but I was also a mess and thought leaving would help make him keep from being a mess. The thoughts however ended as Jake entered the room, the energy the same as it was two days prior.

Jake was not secretive with his dislike towards you, from the moment he entered the room, you could tell he was not happy to be around you, just as he was the day before. But you tried to work together, you attempted to get some of this work done. While attempting to wrap up what you were doing, so the two of you could leave, you decided to finally talk about the topic at hand. “I’m sorry for what happened.” You said, words failing you in that moment, still unsure of what to say.

A scoff was heard from the man in the room, he could not believe what he was hearing, “Sorry for what exactly? Breaking my best friend’s heart. Causing him to break his leg. Causing him to lose the only dream he’s ever had. Not being there when he needed you the most. Blocking his number and leaving him lost and confused as to what to do. Causing him to lose all will to live and enter a state that I only hope no one else ever has to experience a loved one in. You’re sorry for what exactly? You need to be a bit more clear, since there are a hell of a lot of things you’ve done to that man to be sorry for.” Jake started to rant, maybe it was how you just showed up three years later like nothing happened, or maybe it was the fact that you did not try to even take accountability for your actions, but he started to yell as he stood. “You have some fucking nerve showing up here after all this time like nothing has happened. You left him when he needed you most, you failed him, and you just showed back up like it was nothing to you. Did you just expect us to be happy to see you? Welcome you with open arms after spending the last three years trying to patch Sunghoon back together?”

At that, Jake took a breath, standing up, grabbing his backpack preparing to leave. “And you know what the worst fucking thing of all is. Three years we’ve spent helping him, making sure he is okay, and helping him through everything. Even after all those years, I think he still fucking loves you for some damn reason.We picked up the pieces and rebuilt him after you left him broken, and even now he refuses to try to move on, you really fucked him over.” Saying that, he started to walk towards the door, but not before stopping by where you stood on the way. Staring at you with such an angered look, you wanted to cower and hide, but you were instead frozen. “But, you better stay away from him, the last thing he needs in his life at this point is to know you are back around. He is getting better and starting to move on, the last thing he needs in his life right now is you.” With that, he hit your shoulder with his own, before exiting the door.

As the door closed behind him, you felt a wave of emotion, falling into the chair behind you. You started to cry, feeling even worse than you did yesterday when Jay told you what happened. All the feelings hit you at once, like a freight train, all the repressed emotions from the prior 3 years, taking over your heart, and you just felt everything. Time passed, you were unsure of how long you were crying, but a voice outside the door caught your attention. “Listen, someone else is crying about finals, I’m not the only one going through it,” An unknown male voice said, as two sets of footprints were heard passing the door, this resulted in knocking you from your thoughts. This was the time you decided to pack up and leave, going to collect Sohee from Karina, before ending up back home to no doubt cry even more.

After that encounter with Jake, you decided no longer would you work on the project with him in person. Instead, you resorted to emails and text only, this caused him to respond snarkily to you, but you honestly could care less, not wanting a repeat of what happened last time. The way Jake so easily tore you to pieces left you terrified, maybe he was right, you do not deserve to have Sunghoon in your life any longer, and you were foolish for the small part of your brain thinking you could come back and patch things up like nothing happened, since it was something, and that something was something that you had caused. 

After the confrontation with Jake, your life resorted to three things only, work, Sohee, and class. You found yourself not going out except for those three reasons, no longer were you feeling joy from how easily everything was being managed, no longer were you feeling confident of your decision to come back. Jake’s words hurt you more than he would ever know, he knew nothing about why you left, he knew absolutely nothing that was going on in your life, but his words cut you to the bone. Leaving for Sunghoon’s sake seemed to do everything you left to avoid. Rather than allowing him to easily achieve his dream without the thoughts of a child dragging him down, he found himself being unable to reach his goals. What was once both your dreams, was now nothing more than that, a dream neither of you were able to achieve. 

Luckily throughout your classes you were lucky to have formed a few new friends, the partners from your first group project quickly becoming actual friends. No longer did you only have Karina to rely on, but instead you had Jungwon, Sakura, and Sunoo; you even had Jay to an extent, despite the fact you were sure Jake knew nothing of the friendship forming between his worst enemy and two of his best friends. Had Jake known of the friendship between yourself, Jay, and Sunoo; you were sure he would have already tried to fight you, or Sunghoon would have already made himself known at this point. 

As the semester came to a close, you had luckily avoided seeing Sunghoon even once. While your luck was not great with Jake, it was with avoiding Sunghoon that your luck was wonderful, having not seen him even once. With that, you felt he probably did not even know you were in town, since it was not like Jake or Jay would tell him. After your final test, you were happy to know that for the next month and half it would just be Karina, yourself, Sohee, and Sakura. Almost two months of nothing but fun and joy before your university classes would start once more. 

The first Monday after classes ended your living room had four people sitting within it; Karina, Sakura, Sohee, and yourself. On the television Karina was playing a compilation video of the time you spent as a competitive skater, a video she for some reason had decided to put together with the idea of showing lovely little Sohee how talented her mother was once before. Sakura was even captivated watching the little you on the screen, how easily you flew around the rink, the ease at which you were doing axles and other tricks fascinated both Sohee and Sakura. Neither knew you were a professional figure skater, and it was obvious in their reactions that it was a shock. 

As the video continued, it shifted from videos of you skating solo as a child, to your solo programs as a teen; before it finally reached them, the videos of Sunghoon and you skating as a pair. Karina was quick to end the video, forgetting that she had included those scenes when she created the video all those years ago. Luckily Sohee had not caught sight of the man in the video, instead she was walking over to where you stood, enamored by what she had seen. “Mommy skate,” Sohee said, her little chubby finger pointing towards the television. With a nod, you picked her up, as she continued her train of thought. “Mommy take me skating?” The request was simple, and despite how long it has been since you were on the ice, you found yourself unable to deny your child her wish. Quickly the three of you agreed to go skating, allowing Sohee to experience her first time on the ice.

As Karina ran upstairs with Sohee to dress her into something warmer, Sakura joined you in the kitchen. She had seen the face of the man in the video, and she knew it had to be the father of Sohee, they looked too alike to deny it. “I’m guessing that was her father?” She was quick to ask, her arm finding it way around your shoulder, being a comforting presence. With a simple nod, Sakura had pulled you closer, allowing you to rest your head on her shoulder. “If it brings any comfort, I could tell through the video just how in love you two once were. If you can tell the chemistry through the grainy camera screen, I could only imagine how bad you two were when together.” She said, followed by a fake vomiting sound, it made you laugh, a feeling of joy associated with the one who still to this day owns your heart. It had been long since his mention brought you joy, but here Sakura was the one that was able to make you look back fondly on those days, how you would disgust all your friends with your public displays of affection, then tease them that they were just jealous they were single. 

The thoughts however ended as quickly as they started, as the pitter patter of small feet made their way down the stairs. “Ready.” Sohee yelled, once she found herself in the living room, starting to rush Sakura and yourself to your feet, as Karina was still running down the stairs to her. The mention of ice skating set a fire in the small girl, watching her excitement, you saw yourself, how excited you were when your father mentioned ice skating to you when you were the age Sohee is now. Honestly, you wished your parents were both here to witness this, your father would have loved having passed down his love of skating to his granddaughter, and your mother would have been filming Sohee’s first skate. Exiting the door with the girls in tow, you thought about your mother as you buckled Sohee into the carseat in your mother’s car. It had been about four months now since she left for a business trip, a week she claimed, but that business trip ended up in your mother being fully transferred to the location and being given a promotion. Despite how happy you were for her, finally getting the management position she had been aiming for with all her years of service to the company, you were hoping to be able to spend time with her at home, yet who were you to crash down on her dreams. You were just lucky that you now had a vehicle to drive, having collected her car from the airport, and a place to live, hoping that there would not be a repeat of your grandmother’s house in the future.

On the way to the skating rink, Sohee sat in the back chattering away to Sakura, telling her all about everything. By the end of the car ride, Sakura, Karina, and you were experts in what was happening in Sohee’s favorite children’s show and all the drama her little mind had created between Luna and Sunny, her two favorite stuffed animals. Upon arriving at the rink, it was like nothing had changed. Standing in front of the rink, it was like you had been teleported back to four years ago, leaving practice to join Sunghoon in his barely running car that had more problems than Karina had boy problems. Yet, only this time, there was no handsome boyfriend waiting in his rundown beater of a car for you, and there was a three year old grabbing your hand, trying to make you run with her towards the doors.

Entering the rink, it was like a trip to the past, seeing old trophies decorating the trophy boxes, old photos. Time stopped as you saw a photo you thought you had taken when you left. There it lay pinned to the wall behind the gold trophy, a photo of Sunghoon and yourself, after you had won your first pairs competition, a sheet of paper beside it congratulating the two of you, reading that the pairs routine had the highest score ever achieved from a pair trained in this rink. Just under that sheet was another, stating for the next two competitions they received the same score, a score that until this day, no other pair from this rink had been able to beat. 

As Sohee was enamored with the shiny trophies, you had not heard the person approaching, until you felt a familiar hand on your shoulder. Coach Kim had recognized you the moment you entered the rink, as she was viewing the security footage during this slow time of the day. “She looks just like the two of you.” Coach softly said under her breath, watching as the toddler bounced about, excited to start. With a simple nod, you found yourself almost crying as Coach Kim stared at you. “I bet she’s just as talented as the two of you were.” She said, before the three of you started to walk over towards the check in counter. As you reach towards your wallet, Kim is quick to shake her head. “It’s free, I don’t charge my favorite students.” 

With a nod, you helped Kim select an appropriate pair of skates for Sohee, assisting the child put her skates on. “She saw an old video of me skating, and immediately decided she needed to come try it for herself.” Passing Karina and Sakura skates in their size, you pulled out your old skates, honestly surprised to see they still fit. 

Coach Kim nodded her head, laughing as she watched the child try to balance on the skates. “We don’t have anyone scheduled until five, so you have a few hours. It’ll be nice to see you back on the ice.” With a nod, you stood, your hand quickly finding Sohee’s to lead her out to the ice. 

“We’ll try to be out by then, thank you Coach.” With that, you watched as Coach Kim simply smiled before going back into her office, allowing the four of you privacy within the skating rink. Reaching the ice, it was your first love, your second home, it was everything to you at one point, and honestly, still felt that way all these years later. While you were sure your skills had waned, they definitely were no longer what they once were, you could not resist the urge to dance the last solo routine you had learned. 

As you reached the ice, Karina was quick to grab Sohee, dragging her over to the seats for a moment. “Hey, let’s watch your mom skate first, how about that. You can see how pretty she is on the ice.” Once the three of them were seated, you found yourself easily finding peace in what was your last learned routine. The muscle memory coming to you immediately, not a thought was needed nor the music to the piece. You found some of the moves were no longer in your skills list, thanks to not skating for three years, but other than those few moves, you completed the routine, before finding your way in front of the three people viewing you. 

“Come on, join me on the ice.” You told the three of them, as you reached to grasp your daughter’s hands within your own. Karina was helping Sakura as you helped Sohee, soon the two of them were skating around without a second thought, Sohee was a natural, just as her parents were. Seeing the little girl trying to attempt tricks she witnessed from you moments ago, you were quick to grab her, keeping her from falling. “No, we don’t do that yet, just skate. Tricks come later, okay?” With a grumble, Sohee started skating again, the three of them raced, Karina and Sakura allowing the small girl to win, as she proclaimed she was the best skater ever. 

It was not long before an hour had passed, Karina and Sakura announcing they had to go, Karina was needed at work, while Sakura still had one final left to do. Leaving just your daughter and yourself within the rink alone. The two of you skated around, it was easy to lose yourself in it, finding the joy you felt all those years ago on the ice once more. This was your safe haven all those years ago, and part of you had the premonition that this would be your daughter’s safe haven as well one of these days. 

The ease of losing yourself in the ice, you failed to see how much time had passed, not only had the two of you spent most of the day here, but it was now five. You had not heard the door open, nor had you seen the male that gazed at you with shock. He had closed the door, going to the locker room to clear his thoughts, assuming he was seeing things. Once the door closed, he was gone just as quickly as your alarm had gone off. Quickly grabbing Sohee, you explained it was time to leave. As you were in the locker room, you noticed it was getting a bit busy, mostly children coming in to lace up their skates. Assuming it was time for a children’s skating class, you just wanted to leave before Sohee got any ideas of joining the class. Finally making your way through the crowd of children and parents, you were exiting the rink. Had you thought to look to your left, you would have seen the familiar male who has his eyes locked on you through the transparent glass on the side of the rink room. 

That day skating sparked a love within Sohee that reminded you of your own love of skating. She was quick to ask to return each and every day, sometimes asking to go multiple times a day. The child had found joy in what was her parents greatest joy, even if she only knew it was her mother’s greatest joy. Arriving at the rink extremely early every day, you started to teach your daughter how to skate, wanting to make sure you avoided any possible classes or anyone that knew Sunghoon, being at the rink when it opened seemed like the best choice. And honestly, it worked, throughout the winter break, not once did you see him or anyone that knew him. Sohee was not always the most happy, wanting to go skating later in the day, and some days complaining about waking up so early, but those complaints would fade once her feet hit the rink. The ice was a second home to your three year old just as it was you, and you felt joy watching her trying her best to skate as fast as she could, of everything to get from you, she may have not gotten your looks, but she definitely got your natural affinity for the ice.

Once classes started back, trips to the rink were a rarity, Sohee understood that luckily. It however, would not stop the child from asking to go to the rink when Aunt Rina or Aunt Kura were babysitting her, or even begging Uncle Won and Uncle Sunoo the one time you had to ask Jungwon and Sunoo to babysit her since both Karina and Sakura had the flu and with it being the first day of class, you could not just miss it. Luckily neither of them had class that day, and easily volunteered to watch their niece. You, however, were lucky to have such amazing friends that loved your daughter just as you did, sometimes you honestly felt that Sohee loved them more than she did you, especially Sunoo and his inability to say no to her until she would be on her twelfth cookie. 

As classes started, you were lucky to not see Jake within any of them, nor to see Sunghoon. You had a few with Sakura, Jungwon, and Sunoo once again, and one with Jay, but that was it. Classes started with ease, you were not thrown into a major group project in the middle of the first week or placed in a group to work throughout the semester with. With the end of the first week, everyone felt it was due to celebrate, Sohee only wanted one thing, and quickly swayed the votes in her favor. The problem of having an adorable daughter, was that her aunts and uncles would do anything to see her smile, even if that means embarrassing themselves on the ice skating rink since she wants nothing more than to go ice skating this weekend with all her family.

That was how on a Saturday morning, Jungwon, Sunoo, Karina, Sakura, Sohee, and yourself stood on the ice in the skating rink. Sohee was quick to start skating circles around Jungwon and Sunoo, yelling that it is easy to skate, as she watched them struggle. Jungwon and Sunoo had not known about your figure skating past, but Sohee was quick to tell them, blabbering on and on about how her mom was a professional figure skater, leading to curiosity and wonder from the two who had never joined you at the rink before. With a simple routine being completed, you found yourself explaining the history to them. “I started when I was three, but I quit at like nineteen, about three years ago.” With that, they understood, as the three year old girl in front of them, started to drag them from their seats back to the ice. 

The six of you skated for what felt like hours before leaving, had you been more observant you would have noticed a figure watching you from the transparent windows separating the rink from the lobby. The figure had a phone in hand, pictures being taken of the six of you, but specifically of Sunoo, Sohee, and yourself. The pictures were then quickly sent by the unknown male. Followed by three pointed text messages ‘did you know she was back in town?’, ‘Sunoo seems to be friends with her, what a great friend you have right?’, and lastly ‘might just be me, but doesn’t this child look a bit too familiar, wonder who her dad might be?’. 

Sunghoon’s phone beeped as he awoke from his sleep, he did not have children’s skating class until later that afternoon, so he felt no need to wake early. But someone else had other plans, as his phone started to beep and vibrate, one time after another, eight times in a row. Opening his phone, he was bombarded by photos and text from an unknown number, whoever it was seemed to know him, but he did not know them. The first two photos were of you, followed by his text about you being back in town. The next was a group photo, then a photo of Sunoo alone, followed by the text about Sunoo. Lastly, he saw it, a text about a child, then the photo of the child. Staring at the photo, he felt confusion, he felt lost, he did not know how to feel. The child in the photo could be explained simply by saying himself in a wig, but that is not possible. He does not have any children, stared at the text, taking it to assume they meant it was your children, but who could the father be. Not dwelling on that thought any longer, he was quick to respond to the text messages, ‘who are you?’ he asked, but received no reply, and as he tried to send the message once more, he was greeted with a ‘this user is no longer available at this number’ message, meaning whoever it was had blocked him. 

Sunghoon was quick to text the phone number to his group chat, asking everyone if they knew who it was. However, that was fruitless, as neither Jake, Jay, Sunoo, or Heeseung knew who the owner of the number was. Yet, with that out of the way, his emotions started to take over him. He quickly took screenshots of the messages, sending those along with the photos sent to him, to the group chat. ‘Who was going to fucking tell me that she was back in town?’ Sunghoon sent, after sending what had been sent to him. His anger grew as no one answered the message, ‘and you’re friends with her Sunoo?’. Yet, this was not the last message he sent, ‘and why does that child look so much like me?’. 

Jay was the only one to respond to his messages, well his last one at least, ‘I think you need to talk to her for that answer.’ Jake was quick to kick Sunoo out of the group chat, before Sunoo could reply or anything, texting nothing more than ‘that fucking traitor’. As Sunghoon replied to Jay’s message, ‘what do you mean talk to her? You knew about this and didn’t tell me?’ Yet, Jay had no chance to reply this time, as Jake kicked him from the group chat as well, ‘fucking traitors’ being the last message Jake sent, before Sunghoon muted the group chat, staring at his phone as he was lost, just confused as to what to do. Ignoring each and every message that popped up before he shut the screen off, Heeseung and Jake sent message after message concerned, but Sunghoon honestly did not care in the least. 

Everything started to hit him all at once. The love of his life had been back for who knows how long, meaning when he saw you at the rink the other day, it was reality, not just another figment of his imagination. Sunoo had become friends with you, despite knowing your past, everything Sunghoon went through, he still befriended you regardless of that. And lastly, the most important thing of all hit him, there was a child out there that looked way too much like him to be a coincidence, a child that you were apparently the mother of. Unable to stop himself, it was like Sunghoon’s brain was on autopilot, he got himself dressed, and soon was outside of your house, at least he hoped it was still your house. This was a trip he would take every day just years ago, he would take you out for treats and drive you home. Back then he had a barely functioning beater of a car, but despite the vehicle taking the trip changing, he never forgot the streets it took to make it to your house. Sunghoon never forget how your mom would peek out the windows to see him kissing you goodbye, he would never forgot how she actually squealed the first time, having to be physically picked up and carried away by your father, her excitement to seeing her child falling in love, and he will never forget how it felt to be the one that you were in love with.

Getting home, Sohee quickly fell asleep, the skating tiring her out. Once she was asleep, everyone else left, most off to their own homes to do the exact same thing. Watching a three year old was tiring, but chasing an overexcited and energetic three year old around an ice rink was next level tiring, especially for those who were not used to being on skates. As you tidied up around the house, everything was quiet, too quiet. Despite your immediate reaction to usually think something bad will happen when things are going too well, all you could think about was how everything was going well, unbeknownst to you that all of that would be crashing down around you soon enough.

The door was knocked upon, for a moment you thought it was Sohee rolling out of bed, but the knock came again. Going to the door, you should have immediately checked the peephole, but instead you failed to do so, just slinging the door open. You assumed it was one of your friends, probably Sakura realizing she had left her phone or something in your living room, as she often did when she was over. However, Sakura’s smiling face was not the one you saw upon opening the door. 

It was like time froze when you saw him again. It had been three years, but he looked even more handsome than he had all those years ago. He had grown into his features, features you once had the joy and pleasure of ghosting your fingertips over, as you laid soft kisses on the various moles around his face, before gracing his lips with what he desired so much. All these years, you had thought about the time you would see him again. But each and every time, it had you sitting in your recliner, he would be on your television screen, winning gold with a skating partner that was even prettier and better than you. Not, seeing him standing in front of you, especially not seeing him standing in front of you.

As he stared at you, he felt the butterflies again. They never faded, they would just come in and stay whenever he thought about you, but he was sure you no longer felt them after all these years. He stood unsure of what to say, he had not expected to be here again. In his mind the idea of knocking on your door, and then actually seeing you behind the door was only in his dreams. All those years ago when you left, he would knock on your door, just to be welcomed to the sight of your mom telling him you moved. With all the thoughts going on in his mind, he found himself unable to put a coherent thought together. It took a few moments before he finally blurted something out, which was not what he wanted to say, but it was all he could think at the moment. “Is she mine?” it slipped out so effortlessly, like he had been practicing it for days, not just for the five minutes he was sitting in his car preparing the strength to come approach your door. He watched as you did nothing but stare at him open-mouthed, he was unsure whether it was the shock of seeing him after five years, or the shock that he knew something you did not seem to want him to know. 

Hearing his question, you froze, you never expected this, you never wanted this. You thought maybe one day you would ease him into the idea, and there would be no way he would try to take her or anything. But, him showing up at your house, that meant way more than you would like to know. Your first thought being Jay, he had to tell Sunghoon, no one else in his inner circle knew about this other than one Park Jeongseong. Finally realizing you needed to respond to the man in front of you, shaking your head, you started to close the door. “I have no idea what you are talking about. I think you’re confused.” You rushed to say, attempting to slam the door. “I’m busy, I have things to do.”

Sunghoon had expected this: denial, lies, rejection. Just like how you left him all those years ago, nothing more than lies about your grandmother, leaving him in denial that you would give up on him that easily, and feeling nothing more than the rejection from you leaving. His hand quickly came up, stopping the door from closing, foot pushing it open the rest of the way as he moved to stand in the door frame. His body was standing so you could not close the door, since if it was attempted, it would simply hit him, and he would have pushed it back open. “Tell me the fucking truth,” He forcefully said, it taking everything in himself to not scream or yell. He had spent three years thinking you left him to enjoy the single life, moving to where your grandmother lived to have fun with those foreign boys, that would probably do much of anything to get with a foreigner girl. But, seeing these photos, the thought that maybe you left for other reasons plagued his mind. If you genuinely left due to being pregnant, why did you leave him, did you think he would have rejected you and his child. He knew the little girl in the photos he received had to be his, she looked identical to his own baby photos, like someone had photoshopped a wig onto his own baby photos. 

Quickly fishing his phone from his pocket, it was easily unlocked to the text messages the unknown person had sent him earlier. The only thing visible on the screen was the photo of Sohee. Raising the phone so that you were able to see what was being showcased on the screen, Sunghoon recognized the quick look of hurt flashed across your features as you stared at the picture on his phone screen. “Don’t fucking lie to me.” He said, his voice cracking as he said the word lie. Here he stood in front of you, in person, after all these years. After all the times he told himself he would never see you again. After all the times he cried himself to sleep after you abruptly left him brokenhearted. After all these years he willed himself not to cry in front of you, to save it for the purple pillowcase encased pillow laying on his bed, that even after all these years, he swears still smells faintly of your perfume. “She looks just like me, doesn’t she?” Sunghoon murmured, his voice barely above a whisper, eyes staring at the photo on his screen. 

Sunghoon would not lie, back when you were dating he often imagined a future together. He would think of asking your father for your hand in marriage, seeing you walking down the aisle in a poofy large white dress made of more fabric than should be humanly possible, and lastly the idea of having children of your own. In his mind however, all of your little girls would look just like you, while all your sons would look like him. Yet, as he stared at the photo in his hand, he was just dumbfounded. He found himself unable to comprehend why you would leave him to do this on your own, he was no expert on the female mind, but he assumed most women would want a supportive partner, rather than willingly choosing the idea of being a single parent. But, here you had not only hidden a pregnancy, you had moved to another country to hide the pregnancy, had the birth in another country, named and raised the child with no input from himself, and then moved back home without a single thought of notifying him that there was a human out there in the world that he had helped create. His first thought would be that he had been cheated on, since why else would someone do that, but seeing how there was no way to deny the resemblance between himself and the child, he knew that was not the answer. 

“Just tell me the truth,” Sunghoon muttered, tired of your silence at that point. He had been standing in your doorway for a good ten minutes, not a single reply had slipped past your lips during that time. Looking at the woman in front of him, he could not stop his heartstrings from tugging, feeling hurt as you stared at the ground dejectedly. From your reaction alone, he could sense you did not want to tell him why you wanted to hide this from him, even now as he stood in front of you there were no words being spoken, he had no idea, but he was not going to let this topic drop. “She’s mine, isn’t she?” He questioned once more, just wanting confirmation at this point. While he wanted words, he saw how your head nodded, defeated almost, like you did not want to give it up, but you had no choice at this point. "How long did you think you could hide that?" He immediately asked afterwards. “Did you not trust me? Did you not love me enough to want me to be in her life? Was I not good enough for you?” 

Each question slipping past his lips was like a dagger to your heart. Tell him the truth, well the truth is that he was the father of your now three year old daughter. How long did you think you could hide it from him, well your mind thought you would have kept it hidden a whole lot longer than just three years, honestly, if you had it your way, he would have never found out about her. Did you not trust him, you trusted him most of all, who you did not trust was yourself. Did you not love him enough, you loved him too much to try to burden him with this. Was he not good enough, as usual he had it backwards, you were the one that was not good enough for him. Despite all the thoughts filling your head, none of them came out, instead only one thing, a simple apology. “I’m sorry,” You muttered, unable to put any of your other thoughts into words. Despite the plethora of words filling your head, begging you to apologize to him, begging you to beg for him to love you once more, to tell him you never stopped loving him; none of those came out, despite how badly they wanted to. You said those words like they would suddenly help the situation, but you knew they would not, they were nothing more than useless at this point, words you were saying trying not to feel as bad as you did. The apology was not for him, but for yourself, thinking that maybe the words falling past your lips might make you feel better about this situation. But the honest truth, it made you feel worse, giving him an apology without any explanation, it was like giving someone an empty gift box, no thought or substance, just giving them what you thought they wanted. Yet, he wanted the truth, he wanted to know everything no matter how badly it hurt, but you knew the truth would not hurt him, it would only hurt you. All these years the truth you had hidden from him, from Sohee, in a way from yourself, would come to light, but internally you had hoped it would not be for more years. You hoped by the time it was exposed he would have moved on, you would have moved on, both too happy to disrupt what you had for the idea of what ifs and what could have been. 

Listening to you apologize in vain, a chill was sent through Sunghoon’s body, it was like ice was chilling his veins. The cold never bothered him usually, even as he stood outside, the gentle snow falling from the dark clouds above during the frigid January temperatures felt like nothing compared to the frozen feeling coursing through his veins. It was like everything froze, himself including, the words you were not speaking resounding much louder than what you did say. His heartbeat boomed within his eardrums, someone could have been screaming in his ear at that moment, and he would have heard nothing. Leaning against the doorframe, he willed his own legs to not give out under him. The photo, the child, your child, his child, he had a child, he had a child out there that he had no idea about. With that thought, his mind went blank, the doorframe being the only thing that supported him from completely falling to the ground in that moment. You had left him because of this, you broke his heart to hide this from him, you had been back who knows how long without even as much as a word to him. Watching as you moved, seemingly welcoming him into your home, out of the elements, safe from the falling snow all around. He moved inside without a word, almost like he was on autopilot. It was like his brain went back to all those days years ago, back in high school when the two of you were dating, and your evenings were spent cuddling on your sofa watching romance movies, attempting to ignore the giggles coming from your mother’s mouth as she spied on the two of you, muttering to your father about young love. Using all his strength to sit on the couch, trying his best not to collapse, despite how badly his body was wishing to give in. He allowed his phone to slip from his hands, falling to the carpeted floor under your coffee table, as he found himself burying his face within his hands. “I will never understand how you could do this.” He said, not even bothering to attempt to make eye contact with you. Emotionally and physically drained, he struggled to find what to say next. “I just, why would you hide this? Why would you hide her? Hide her from me?” Was all he said, before finally looking up at you, his heart breaking with each word. 

Standing across the room from him, this might be your house, but you found yourself unable to sit. How would you get comfortable knowing what was going on? Years were spent hiding this from him. You did it for his own good, had you not done it you thought he would have given up ice skating, but fate works in funny ways, since he ended up giving up regardless. “I thought I was protecting you,” You finally muttered, playing with your fingers, refusing to look where he sat. Despite how difficult this was on you, the thought of how difficult it was for him crossed your mind, he just found out he had a child of three years old with his ex. Life may be crumbling and falling for yourself, but his life has already crumbled and fallen; yours could be saved by the right actions, his concept of his own life was already burned and the only thing one could do was wait until the fire was dead, rebuild, and move on. “Sunghoon, you had so many dreams, the Olympics, and all, it was your life. I couldn’t be the reason it was taken away.” Finally putting part of your thoughts into words, you started to tell him. Speaking, your feet moved on the carpet unconsciously, before you knew it, you were standing in front of him. You sat down beside him, your body against the arm of the couch, providing as much distance from him as the small sofa would allow. “You were Olympics bound, and I wasn’t. You were always the better of the two of us, the natural talent. I knew if either of us had a chance it was you. And I knew if you knew about her, you wouldn’t go. Sunghoon, I know you, and I know you would have wanted to be there, you would have given up your hopes, given up your dreams for us, and I just couldn’t do that to you.” You told him, it was the most words you had spoken to him in almost three years. As you attempted to explain your thinking to him, you found yourself unable to stop the tears from slipping down your cheeks, they starting to come, as you spoke.

“It wasn’t just my dream. It was our dream. I thought we were in it together, we were a pair, and a pair means two not just one.” Sunghoon started, watching as the tears fell down your cheeks, he wanted to stop them, but instead clenched his fist in his lap, and despite how badly he wanted to caress your cheek and wipe your tears, it was no longer his duty to do that. Feeling the sharp edges of his nails eating into his hand, he eased his grip for a moment, trying to find an inner calm to keep his anger from getting worse. Three years prior, he would have never had thought he would feel such a surge of anger directed towards you. He was so in love with you, nothing more than a lovesick puppy, a toy on a string for you, he would have done anything for you. Now, he was struggling to believe you would do this, the way you so easily chose to exclude him from his own daughter’s life. The thought that he would have never known of the existence of the child had it not been for the text from the unknown number, the desire to unveil the identity of the unknown number faded, as the focus became on the child. “You thought you were protecting me. Why would leaving the country and not telling me about my own child be protecting me? You wouldn’t have been the reason anything was taken from me. Why would you think like that? I just, if given the choice, I would have always picked you, you were always my pick.” He said, still trying to grasp how you thought hiding this from him would protect him, how this had helped him. The choices that were made did nothing more than hurt him, in no way was he helped or soothed by actions you did. “I would have given up training in a heartbeat for you, for our child. The Olympics may have been a dream, but you were my reality, and I would have wanted to be there for you and her more than I wanted my dream.” He started to tell you, trailing off, not sure he wanted you to hear the last part of what he was saying. “You were my dream, getting married and having kids with you was my dream,” he whispered under his breath. Thoughts that you hopefully did not hear passed through his mind, as he remembered all the times he thought of your future, his future was always intertwined with yours, until that fateful day.

Hearing his words, you froze, the tears fell upon your cheeks even harder. Just having him say those words, you were his dream, it hit you in a way you hated. It was not the Olympics, it was not winning gold medals or breaking records, you were his dream. Since you discovered he injured himself shortly after you left, you felt that you had ruined his dreams, taking away his Olympic ambitions, robbing him of those gold medals. But the reality was that you had robbed him of his dreams before that, you had ruined his dreams, you had removed yourself from his life, taking away every last part of his dreams, since it was not the lofty Olympic podium that was his dream, it was being with you forever. Unable to reply to anything he said, you just tried to stop yourself from crying. The tears were already flowing, you just wanted them to stop at this point. Stop, so you could have a conversation with the man in front of you. But it seemed that would not happen any time soon, as they continued to fall down your cheeks.

Unwilling to wait until you responded to what he said, he just continued on talking, letting you know how he felt. “I have a three year old daughter in this world, and you hid her from me without a second thought. You did nothing but keep me from being in her life for three long years. Did you ever once think about her? Did you ever once think about what would be best for her, best for our daughter?” Sunghoon started to rant, any feelings of sorrow he had felt evaporated, instead being left with anger. “Did you ever once think that she might grow up and ask about her father? Did you ever think about what you could tell her? How would you explain why she only has a mom? Did you once think about how you would tell her about me? Would you have told her truth? Would you have told her that her father didn’t know she existed, because her mother decided to run off and run away the moment she found out she was pregnant? Would you have told her that the reason she doesn’t have a dad like all the other kids is because her mom never even told her dad that she was pregnant, that her mom ran away to another country to raise her alone rather than letting her have a father? What would you have told her when she starts to notice she doesn’t look like you? From that photo alone anyone that knows us can tell she’s mine, what would you have told her when people started pointing out that she doesn’t look like her mother?” He was practically barking his questions at you, idea after idea slipping past his lips. 

With each question he said, you felt your heart sinking deeper and deeper into your chest. You really had not thought this through. All those years ago, the only thought on your mind was making sure he could achieve his Olympic goals, but he so easily poked so many holes into the mind boat that was your thoughts on this situation. However, each question he said was right, it was something you had not even thought of. What would you have told her when she asked about her dad, how would you have explained everything to her, why she did not have a father; it was your fault she did not have a father after all. As those thoughts entered your mind, you could only envision your own daughter hating you, since you were the reason she did not have a father, you were the reason she only had a mother, it was your fault all along. You were not the heroic single mom raising her child alone since the father was absent, you were a single mother raising a child alone that never gave the father a chance to be a father. As that thought finally settled into your mind, you felt horrible, you had never given her a chance to have or be loved by her father, the idea that you were saving Sunghoon’s Olympic ambition felt stupid now, you had instead robbed him of the chance to see his child grow up, you had stolen away his chance to be a father. “I’m sorry,” you muttered, the tears getting worse, each word he said made you feel worse and worse. Everything you had done to protect him seemed to be for nothing, instead of protecting his future, you had ruined it, and robbed your daughter of some of her childhood as well. “I’m sorry,” was a murmur slipping past your lips, unable to speak anything else.

Sunghoon’s heartstrings began to pull as he watched your tears fall worse, his words making what were once silent tears turn into full out sobbing. He felt bad for a moment, watching you cry was something that was not on his list of needs or desires, he hurt seeing how you hurt, but he did nothing to soothe you or stop your tears. Full minutes passed of nothing but your sobbing your heart out, it was then he really felt horrible. What you had said, it finally hit him, and what he had said made him feel horrible. You had done what you thought was best, while you may have not been thinking during that time, you did what you thought was best for yourself and your daughter. While that decision was a wrong one and was stupid, at the time you felt it was your only decision, and here he was bringing up all the little things you never thought of. Almost ten minutes passed of crying, nothing but the broken sobs and slight shifts as you tried to wipe your tears and keep it from getting worse. It was only then that he broke, getting up from his spot on the sofa moving over to where you sat. His hand was broad on your back, he gently rubbed it, trying his best to sooth you. “You did what you thought was best at the time. At the time you thought going at it alone was the best thing to do, and you raised her the best you could.” He said, his hand naturally going to your hair, petting it as he once would. It felt so natural to him, and while you would not admit it, it felt natural to yourself as well. You had to stop yourself from leaning into his touch, your body reacting naturally to his touch, like he was made just for you. The thoughts of years gone by plagued your mind, how this was so natural to the both of you, it was like despite the time lost, it was as though your souls were never apart, still reaching for one another, desiring and craving the affection and attention of the other. “All we can do now is try to focus on now. You can’t take back your decision to leave and raise her alone, but you can change what happens between the two of you in the future.” He said, his heart felt lighter as your crying started to subside. Despite that, his mind yelled at him to hate you, to yell at you, to hurt you like you hurt him, but his heart knew you had been hurting just as he had, the hurt was just for a different reason. “If I can, I’d like to see her?” Sunghoon finally dropped onto you, fully removing himself from your body, his hands dropping from your back and hair, he instead picking up his previously discarded phone, deciding now is better than ever. He had no doubts the child in the photo was her, and she looked almost identical to him. 

It was odd, he soothing you, attempting to help you despite what you had done to him, what you had done to your daughter. His words were soothing, calming, relaxing. Your mind was confused, he should be yelling, he should be screaming, he should be threatening to sue, he should be doing so many other things than calmly soothing you and talking softly. As he asked the question you had been waiting for, it felt as though time stood still. Three years she had been your little secret, she knew nothing of her father and her father knew nothing of her, but here stood her father, wanting nothing more than to see her. Nodding slowly, you stood to your feet, moving almost like on autopilot, not a thought was in your mind as you walked through the house to your bedroom door, knowing Sohee slept on the other side. “She’s sleeping, or she was, so we need to be quiet,” you softly warned him, not wanting her to wake up and see him yet, knowing you needed time to acclimate her to the idea of another person, to the idea of her father. Watching as Sunghoon nodded his head, the door was soon open, revealing the sleeping toddler laying in her bed, the soft grey bunny she was so attached to still clutched in her tiny hands. 

A gasp was easily heard getting caught in Sunghoon’s throat, never in his life would he have imagined this feeling. A warmth felt in his chest, despite knowing nothing about her, he felt like he loved her, of course he did, he had helped to create her. Staring at the sleeping figure, it took everything in him to not cry. His heart wanted to weep as he gazed upon the tiny blanket covered figure. Meanwhile his mind was confused, wanting to weep alongside his heart, but at the same time wanting to scream and yell from the fact that he missed all those first. He never got to see her for the first time walking, hear her first words, hear her first giggle, see her as she entered the world for the first time. Despite the automatic feelings of love he felt towards her, he could not help but remind himself he was staring at a child he knew nothing about, for being a father, he did not feel like a father. As he watched her small face scrunch up as she shifted about, clutching her soft pink Hello Kitty blanket closer, he could not help but hope that you would allow him to stay, and that maybe with time those feelings would come, with time he should start feeling like a father, with time he would be her father. His gaze shifted from the sweet little face of the toddler to what she clutched in her hands as she slept, a familiar grey stuffed rabbit toy. It brought back memories from years ago, almost six years ago at this point, and he felt his heart swell with joy, that alone meant more to him than you would ever hear from him. The fact that you kept a stuffed animal he had given you so long ago and the fact that you gave it to your daughter gave him an odd sense of hope. Hope that the future might be bright, that your future together might be bright.

Closing the door gently behind him, the two of you returned to the living room, finding yourself seated on the chair once more, Sunghoon still in a daze from seeing his daughter for the first time in real life. Unable to think of much to say, you simply decided to tell him her name since you were unsure of what else to say to him. “I know you haven’t asked, but her name is Sohee.” You told him, watching as the daydreaming gaze over his eyes faded, being replaced by tearfilled eyes. As the name slipped past your lips, you hoped that he would not remember the day of discussing children’s names so many years ago, however, as he heard the name, his mind went back to that day. Casually talking amongst your friends, and joking about what you would name your future children; some saying random names of random items one might find around the house, however Sunghoon simply commented on a name he liked, Sohee, claiming he felt it was perfect for a little girl. 

Hearing the name, Sunghoon froze, the thought that you remembered that day when naming her hit him hard. The idea that you named her a name he claimed to want to name his future daughter, filled his heart with joy. Despite you leaving, he was still on your mind the whole time. He would have preferred you to be honest with him, to be truthful with him, so he could be there for her and yourself. He wished he could have been there when you had her, he should have been there, he should have held your hand as you struggled through everything, he should have been one of the first people to hold her after you, they were all memories that he would never get now, but he could only hope that you would allow him to make those memories now. “You named her Sohee.” He softly muttered, trying his best not to cry. With the flurry of emotions he had been overwhelmed with today, it took a lot for him to calm down so he did not cry. Within the span of about four hours he had gone through possibly every emotion known to man; denial, joy, sorrow, anger, grief, betrayal, pride, amusement, relief, love, contentment, disgust, and so many more. “I want to meet her properly, I’m her father and she deserves to know that, and I deserve to have a relationship with her.” Sunghoon started, as he kneeled down in front of where you sat, taking your own hands in his, forcing you to look at him as he spoke. “I know she probably knows nothing about me, but you can’t hide her from me anymore. She deserves to know who her father is. Even though I’m still pissed about this whole situation, we need to put our personal feelings aside for what is best for her.” He said, despite knowing he just saw her for the first time, he could feel his heart swell with joy as he gazed upon her cute features, wanting nothing more than to keep her happy and cared for. 

Hearing his words, you thought to yourself that everything you had believed he would do once he knew about her was wrong. With the confines of your mind prison you had convinced yourself that he would take her from you, he would sue you for custody, he would leave you without your child. Despite all these years, he still spoke to you gently with kindness, it reminded you of why you fell in love with him to start with. As he expressed his desire to get to know Sohee, to be her father, to let her know her father, a smile softly covered your features. “She has started talking about her father, she knows nothing as of right now. I didn’t want to explain everything to her this young, all she knows is her dad just isn’t around right now.” You told him, it was the truth, occasionally she brought up why characters in her shows had two parents while she only had one. Luckily at her young age, she could not fully understand why her familial situation was different from what she saw on television, all she knew is that her favorite cartoon characters had two parents, but she only had one. “I think she would like to meet you,” the sentence started but trailed off, unsure of what else to say. It took everything within you not to admit that you would like him to meet her officially as well, to start to form some form of relationship with her, to be the father she deserves. 

All the years of fear and worry were for naught, Sunghoon was not going to steal your daughter away, he was not going to rob you of your joy and child, he just wanted to be in her life. Letting your hands drop from his clutch, you could not stop yourself from thinking about how different things could have been if you made the choices your family and Karina wanted you to make so many years ago. Had you told him you were pregnant all those years ago, where would the three of you have been now? As the thought crossed your mind, you imagined telling him and him reacting with joy, the two of you had honestly thought you were endgame all those years ago, so it would only make sense he would react with such excitement. Sohee would have had the family she deserved, Sunghoon would have achieved his dreams, since as he said his dream was always being with you. The past three years in which you struggled to get by and raise her on your own, Sohee would have never had to go without since she would have had both parents to fall back on. Your parents would have easily stepped up to help, and you would like to imagine Sunghoon’s would have as well. It might be three years late, but the thought that Sohee would get that life, possibly getting two supportive and loving parents felt great, better late than never. Despite the joy you felt in your heart at his words, the darker part of your mind kept rising up, trying to convince you that this is just a ruse, a way to gain access to her and take her away permanently, like you feared he would so many times.

The sheer amount of joy Sunghoon felt towards the child felt odd, but he could finally understand what others say about a parent’s love. He might not know the child, but just knowing it was his, left him wanting to protect her and bring her joy. Had someone told him just a month ago that he would have a child, that he would be going through the process to meet her properly, he would have thought they were crazy. Having a child this young was never in his cards, but honestly falling in love with you all those years ago was never in his cards either, and after you left, the idea of the two of you finding each other again was not in those cards either. “I would love to be able to meet her officially. I know she’s not going to know who I am, but I want her to.” Sunghoon started, all he could think of was being the father his daughter deserved, someone that would be there for her, and he had three years to make up for now. He would not admit it, but deep within his heart, he wanted to be someone you deserved as well. Three years had passed, you had hidden a child from him, you had left him broken hearted, but the heart wants what it wants and even after all these years it still only wanted you.

Nodding as he spoke, you agreed with him. “I think it’ll take her a while to get used to it, after all she’s only had me for all these years, but I’m willing to try.” You explained to him, seeing the reaction on his face, thankful that he did not say what he was obviously thinking, probably something along the lines of saying and whose fault is that, when you mentioned her only having her mother for all those years. It was your fault, you would admit that, but you thought it was what was best at the time. “I think we need to create a schedule. Let you meet her a few times, allow her to get accustomed to who you are, before we really let her know exactly who you are.”

The words you said were met with a nod from Sunghoon, as badly as he wanted to do nothing more than immediately wake the child up and tell her that he was her dad, he knew that was not a good decision. Hearing the apprehension in your voice, he could tell you were torn in regards to this, he could only imagine what was going through your mind in that time, while he was experiencing joy and anger and regret, he could only imagine the fear in your mind. You had hidden her for three years, now he was here wanting to be in her life, it was only reasonable to expect you to have some fear in regards to your child. “Yeah, that’s fine, just message me, my number’s never changed.” He admitted, deciding it was finally time for him to leave, despite how badly he wanted to see his child again. Even after all these years, he never changed his phone number, in the hopes that he would get a message from you one day. “You’ve raised her alone for three years, but you don’t have to be alone anymore.” He told you, smiling as he saw a slight smile upon your face before he excused himself. 

It was already night by the time he left, the two of you spoke and cried for hours, despite wanting to be filled with anger and hatred towards you, all he felt was regret that you thought telling him of the pregnancy would ruin his dreams, and joy that you were willing to let him try to be there for the both of you. As he hit the road, he made his way back home with ease. The drive was one that just came back to him so easily, driving from your house to his, and it was not long before he was at his own house’s door. Entering his house, he finally decided to go into the group chat he had been ignoring for hours. It was a mess when he left, and was a mess when he returned. Heeseung had added Jay and Sunoo back into it, much to Jake’s ire. Sunoo had been forgiven by Jake it seems, especially after he reminded the other that he was not part of your whole high school drama, and knew nothing of this. Jay it seems was almost fighting for his life, explaining how he knew about the child for months, but chose not to share since it was not his spot to do so. Seeing the plethora of messages, Sunghoon simply sent one message before turning his phone off. A message that simply said ‘she’s mine’, causing everyone but Jay to set the group chat ablaze, as they freaked out in regards to the simple two word message. Yet, as Sunghoon turned his phone off the flurry of messages from Jake, Heeseung, and Sunoo would go unanswered until a later time. 

The next day the two of you quickly scheduled a meeting at the park. While it was winter, the middle of January at that, the day was oddly warm, and you decided to let your sweet child take advantage of the unusual warmth for the day. Sohee ran around the playground, going from the swings to the slide, having the time of her life. Being the only person on the playground just after noon on Sunday was fun to her, not having to wait to use anything or share with another, it was just like her own private event. Sunghoon sat in his car for almost ten minutes after arriving at the park, doing nothing but watching, observing the child as she played. For most people when they have a child they get to go through the whole thing, starting with holding a baby that can not even wrap its hand all the way around their parents finger, to starting to babble and crawl, before walking and talking and running, then starting school as they grow even older. He however, was missing the entire first part of that, skipping all the way to the children talking and running and about to start school. For a moment, he contemplated leaving, letting Sohee enjoy her day without having to worry about how she would react to him. But, as his phone buzzed with a text asking if he was on his way, he decided that he better go ahead and do it now. 

Exiting his car, the child paid him no mind. She was in her own little world, the playground taking each and every bit of her attention. He found himself sitting next to you, wordlessly just watching Sohee, as you were. “She’s very energetic, isn’t she?” He said, trying to fill the uncomfortable silence, not really knowing what else he should say. Watching as she went down the slide then immediately ran over to the jungle gym, climbing up it the best she could with her little legs and little arms. Watching as you nodded, not seeing a reason in responding, he still felt odd with the silence between the two of you. Once upon a time the silence would be comforting, the two of you would sit arm in arm in silence just satiated with each other’s presence, but those days are long gone. “Is it bad I’m terrified?” He finally said, getting out what had been on his mind this whole time, “What if she hates me?”

The inner turmoil was evident in Sunghoon’s face, but you felt it was not your position to isolate that problem and bring it up, after all this was your fault, his problems were all caused by you and your decisions. “She won’t hate you, she’s three, she still doesn’t understand the concept of hate,” was what was said, before deciding it was probably not the best thing to tell him, his fears seemed unfounded to you, but to him it was valid. “She won’t hate you, you can just tell her what you are comfortable with. We don’t have to immediately throw everything at her, you can just meet her today, letting her know everything else can wait till later.” Words which you hoped would soothe the situation, calm his nerves, which oddly they did.

Watching Sohee in silence continued for a few more minutes, it was almost ten minutes later when the child noticed her mother was not sitting alone. A scream left her lips before she ran over, the child scaring both yourself and Sunghoon, not expecting her to do that, but she was so shocked at seeing someone else in the park, she was unable to stop herself from doing so. Finally reaching where you sat, she wrapped her arms around your leg, hiding on the side of the bench opposite from Sunghoon. “We don’t scream like that Sohee, that’s not nice.” You told her, the looks she was giving Sunghoon quickly turned into pouty glances up at you, her little hands clutching at your pants leg tightly. “This is…” you trailed off, unsure how to introduce him to the child, but luckily he picked up where you left off, even after all these years he still had the gift to finish your sentences.

“A friend of your moms,” Sunghoon quickly said, watching as you removed Sohee’s hands from your pants, placing her in your lap. The look the child stared up at him shifted, no longer was it a look of fear or terror, it was a look of confusion. From that look alone, he questioned whether he had messed up, seeing how it seemed as though she thought it was odd her mom had another friend. The confusion gave him a glimpse into how you must have been living since you were back, keeping a small circle, so few friends that a new one set off red flags to your daughter. Smiling at the child, he tried to keep her from being scared anymore than she already was. 

Sohee knew everyone in her mom’s life, after all they were basically a buy one get one free deal, since she would never go anywhere without her little Sohee. So, having a stranger claiming he was her friend was odd to your little girl. She knew everyone in your life, and honestly Sunghoon was not part of that, so you could not blame her for being scared of the tall unknown male. If she was older she would have immediately recognized some of her own features that were present on this ‘friends’ face, but being a child, she only knew the tall raven haired stranger was nothing but that, a stranger. “Friend?” Sohee’s soft voice questioned, as you nodded your head, trying to get her to warm up to him a bit more. 

Hearing her voice, Sunghoon felt as though his heart was going to collapse, his heartbeat was elevated and it felt as though it was being squeezed. Despite how much the child was identical to him in looks, he could easily tell her voice and attitude were all yours. Seeing how she questioned the friend part, he nodded his head as well. Moving from where he sat, he kneeled on the ground, allowing himself to look at Sohee from eye level. “Yeah, I’m your mom’s friend. I’m Sunghoon.” He said to the child, offering her a soft smile, before reaching his hand out, letting the small child take his hand. As Sohee clutched his hand, he felt a warmth spreading throughout his chest, it might have been three years too late, but her small hand attempted to shake his, like she had seen adults in her life do. Sunghoon felt a feeling he had not felt within his chest in many years, the last time he felt it was when he confessed his feelings to you all those years ago. The pure feeling of love was all that consumed his heart, and he hated to admit it, but even those feelings from years ago remained somewhat, despite all his attempts to rid himself of them.

“Sunghoon?” Sohee muttered, trying the name out. You knew she had never heard of that name, you were careful to never mention him to her. It was once your worst fear, the idea that she would want to meet her dad and she would choose him over you, or he would steal her away from you. But, as you watched Sohee’s small hand clutching around two of Sunghoon’s fingers, her trying her best to shake his hand, you felt regret filling your heart, he should have been able to have all these months when she was born, not three years later like an afterthought. “Sunghoon.” Sohee said again, much more confidently, but as she said it, part of your heart wished she was saying something else to address the man that once, and honestly still did own your heart. Sohee was quick to fling herself into his arms, hugging him as she did with most of her friends. Watching as Sunghoon was taken aback by the child’s actions, it reminded you of the first time she officially met Sunoo and Jungwon in a setting that was not just working on a project, how she projected herself at them like a rocket, scaring Sunoo half the death and he feared dropping the child, and causing Jungwon to have to breakout his extremely quick reaction time to keep from dropping her. 

Sunghoon was surprised when Sohee launched herself into his arms, hugging him, as she did, he heard her softly muttering the words Sunghoon and friend. Hearing that, he wished it was another word she was saying, but he knew it was best to not completely throw that onto her too early. Wrapping his arms around her, he hugged her tight, feeling his heart swell with joy, the thought that the girl he was hugging in his arms was his daughter hit in full force, the thought that he helped create this beautiful life in his arms was all that filled his mind. Sunghoon released the child as she pulled back, jumping down before grabbing his hand, starting to tug him towards the playground.

“Friend play with me?” Sohee asked, starting to drag Sunghoon towards the playground, leaving you sitting on the bench watching the interaction. Sohee was always quick to make friends, and it warmed your heart as you watched her interacting with her father. Sunghoon stumbled along trying to keep up with the child while also bent over, you could tell he did not want to let his hand lose grip with her hand. Pulling your phone out, you watched as they started to play on the swings, Sohee was quick to tell Sunghoon how to push her on the swing and how high she wanted to go. Snapping some photos, you found yourself sending them to Sunghoon, along with Karina. 

Karina was the first person you told after Sunghoon left your house, she listened to you cry for hours about how he found out somehow. She simply calmed you down, telling you that he would have found out before long, and at least he knew now. As you sent the photos to her, all she replied with was a message saying ‘had you told him to start with, this would have more than likely been your life for the last three years’. The message hurt, you knew that Karina did not mean to harm you, but her words did. She was right, of course she was right, she was the one that advised you to tell him all those years ago, but instead you did not listen to her, instead thinking you knew best; which you sadly did not. Watching as Sohee giggled as Sunghoon pushed her higher, you knew that you made the wrong decision, you hurt both of them, and all you can do now is try to make things better.

This continued for hours, by the time Sunghoon was too tired to go on, the sun was low in the sky. Sohee was still as excited as ever, running circles around Sunghoon as he tried to keep up, watching her climbing up the slide with extreme speed before sliding back down. It was only when Sunghoon decided to sit that, that the two of you realized how late it was, deciding that it would be best to get Sohee home, and that you needed to meet up another day. Watching as Sohee hugged her friend goodbye, you could not help but softly smile at Sunghoon, watching as he hugged his daughter back. A scene that you could only hope would become more common, wanting it to occur more and more, hopefully a scene that would become a commonplace in your life, and his own.

Sohee was quick to fall asleep upon getting home, she barely had the energy to eat her dinner. However, you knew Sunghoon must be faring much worse, with how easily she dragged him around the playground with her. After she was asleep, plans were made with Sunghoon, the next week scheduling where and when to meet, before you yourself fell asleep. 

Waking up the next morning, the sight was one you never expected. The bed where Sohee had been the night before was empty, but as you heard giggling from the living room, you could only assume she had awoken early and immediately went to play. That thought was confirmed, as you entered the living room, Sohee already had her dolls spread out, playing with them, leaving you to make the decision to start on her breakfast. Simply having a day at home, you felt that it would be best to give Sunghoon a day to recover after being with her yesterday, so instead of meeting up today, it was decided you would meet up tomorrow. 

In the middle of fixing Sohee her breakfast you heard a slight giggling, followed by the shuffle of small feet. Thinking nothing of it, it was not until her soft voice spoke that you noticed she had something in her hand. “Mommy kiss Sunghoon?” She said, questioning, holding what seemed like a sheet of paper in her hand. Turning to her, you were confused, at no point did you ever tell her about your relationship with Sunghoon, keeping him as a friend, and that was all he was to her. But, seeing a familiar picture in the child’s hand, you found yourself remembering that day all those years ago.

Taking the photo out of Sohee’s hand, you saw the photo from your first pair program. The two of you had just won gold, you had been officially in a flirtationship for about two months at this time, and upon winning you could not stop yourself, kissing Sunghoon just after you left the ice. It was the night that you two became official, the night that officially started what would become your relationship. Taking the photo and placing it on the table, you said nothing about to her, instead deciding to get her to focus on something else. “Breakfast is almost ready, go wash your hands.” 

Unbeknownst to you, a small hand snatched the photo from the table the moment you turned back to focus on what you were cooking. Sohee went upstairs, putting the photo in her little backpack, before returning to the small purple and silver box she was looking through before going downstairs. She grabbed another photo, once again a photo of Sunghoon and yourself; the two of you cuddled up on the sofa, a picture your mother had taken on one of your many movie dates. Sohee washed her hands before returning downstairs, putting another picture on the table for you to see. 

Putting a plate in front of Sohee, you saw the photo she brought to the table, at that point, you had already forgotten about the other photo. Seeing the photo, you knew she was going through the box in your bedroom, you decided to immediately put it up on a shelf she can not reach, the next time you went into your bedroom. Breakfast went without a hitch, and soon you were in your bedroom, taking the box and placing it back onto the top shelf where it belonged. The box of memories away from your thoughts, and away from Sohee’s prying eyes. The rest of the day flew by without a problem.

After that, meet ups with Sunghoon became regular things, allowing him to get to know more about Sohee, and her becoming more and more comfortable around him. After about a month you found yourself at the park again, it was finally a day warm enough to subject Sunghoon to the pain he went through the first time he officially met her. You knew that little Sohee would probably do the same exact thing, and that you should probably pick up some pain patches for him, as a preemptive apology for what the three year old is about to put him through. 

What you expected, is exactly what happened. Sunghoon had just arrived at the park, and he was already being pulled away to push Sohee and another little girl she had met at the park on the swings. Watching the three of them, your mind started to remind you how that could have been your life; a handsome boyfriend, honestly probably a husband at this point, and a few beautiful children. You were so zoned out watching them, you did not even notice that someone had taken a seat next to you, the mother of the little girl Sohee had quickly declared her best friend the moment she had arrived at the park. It was not until you heard her voice, that you noticed she was even beside you, “You have a beautiful daughter and what an amazing husband,” she said, watching as Sunghoon was being chased by the two girls at this point, he became the victim in whatever game the girls were playing.

“Thank you,” you started, then her words hit you, husband, he was not even your boyfriend at that point, let alone your husband. “He’s not my husband though.” Was how you finished your statement, letting her know the honest truth, but she only reacted with a gasp. At that you expected a lecture about having a child out of wedlock, or about having a child young and out of wedlock. But, instead she was just shocked, especially given the way he looked at you.

The mother gasped in shock, she had been observing how Sunghoon stared at his daughter and at you, like the two of you put the stars in his night sky, like he was nothing more than the dark void, and the two of you were the stars and moon that brought light to his life. “Well, the way I’ve noticed your boyfriend looking at you, I’m sure that ring will be coming soon.” The mom said, before standing, going to get her kid to go home. “I’ve never seen a man stare at someone in such a way, like he’d give everything to see you two smile.” She said, before calling her daughter over, announcing it was time to leave.

You had no chance to correct her, she was already gone by the time you thought of what she said. It was only then that you noticed what she said was true. The way he started at both yourself and Sohee, it was not with anger like you would expect, it was with love. But you knew that after all these years, you announcing you were still in love with would probably be the last thing he wanted. It was during this time that you noticed Sohee coming over to where you sat, quickly taking her little backpack from where it was placed besides you, before running back over to Sunghoon. Luckily the two of them were only about ten feet away from you, allowing you to enjoy the spectacle and show Sohee was giving. A laugh slipped past your lips as she started to show Sunghoon her collection of items, bottle caps she decided are pretty, a big rock she found on the way to the park this morning, and other items. 

You could only imagine how Sunghoon felt as she pulled out a familiar item, the sweet little grey bunny with its long ears. As Sunghoon looked around Sohee to where you sat, you knew he remembered it as well. It was once something you slept with each and every night, it reminded you of Sunghoon, and would always be with you, even when he could not be. Now, it remained in Sohee’s grasp, she slept with it each and every night, she had a part of him with her all the time, even if neither of them knew it. 

The little show and tell she was giving Sunghoon was adorable, until she got to the end of her bag and pulled something out that you had long forgotten. The photo from all those weeks ago. The photo from your first program, honestly that moment is probably what led to Sohee in the first place, if you wanted to be completely serious. Sohee was quick to load her backpack back up, before leaving it with Sunghoon as she ran off to play on the slide some more. You did not want to, staring at Sohee instead of him, but you noticed his labored steps, he walked slowly towards you, staring at the picture in his hand.

Once he finally sat down beside you, only then did he break the uncomfortable silence, “I still remember that night.” Was all he said, before putting the backpack beside you, leaning down resting his elbows on his knees as he turned to look at you. “I still think about that night all the time,” you nodded as you listened to him, seeing his face light up as you yourself admitted to thinking about it as well.

“We’re not the same people we were when we fell in love,” you started, staring down at the picture in his hand. “We were so carefree, we were in high school, nothing to worry about except tests and skating.” You said to him, your eyes shifting back to Sohee, this conversation was not one you expected to have today, but here you were having.

Sunghoon nodded his head, turning to fully put all of his attention on you. “We definitely aren’t the same people.” He said, turning his attention to Sohee. Back then you two were the it couple, the perfect pair. But now, the two of you were willing co-parents if anything. 

“But I am still in love with you,” was all that came out to start with, you unsure of what else to say. Fear that he would reject you filled your veins, the idea that he would laugh in your face, or make fun of you for these feelings after all these years filled your mind. Yet, you found yourself unable to stop, needing to get these feelings out, knowing if you did not do it now, you would go it never. “Are you still in love with me?”

Sunghoon thought he was hallucinating to start with, the words you said, he had to be imagining them. Three years had been spent hoping to hear that again, to hear your sweet voice tell him that he loved you, but now that it was, he found himself afraid to get hurt again. “I don’t,” was all he said to start, he immediately regretted his word choice as he saw your eyes quickly fill with tears. 

You stood up, wanting to get away as quickly as possibly, he had rejected you, and all those thoughts in your mind reminded you of how stupid you were. You thought that you would come back, introduce him to his daughter, confess your love for him after all these years, and he would say it back and you would live happily ever after. But this is real life, not some stupid fairy tale you tell Sohee to get her to sleep, and the princess and prince do not always end up together in real life. 

Sunghoon was shocked at your sudden move, he quickly stood up, walking after you, grabbing your hand to stop you in your tracks. “I don’t think I ever stopped loving you.” He said, finishing his whole thought this time. “I always wanted you to be my end game, even after you left I never was able to move on, no one felt like you, they all just felt like placeholders as I waited for you to return with the other half of my heart.” He told you, pulling you closer to his body, taking both of your hands, and holding them in between the two of you. “But, I don’t know if I can trust you like I once did.”

Hearing his words, you felt your heart ache. He never stopped loving you, but you hurt him in a way he felt like he could not trust you to not do it again. “Give me a chance.” Being all that left your lips, as you stepped closer to him. This was your chance, your heart and your head were aligned for once, wanting nothing more than to rekindle the love and joy you once felt from this man. Despite the fear you once felt, now the only thing that lingered was the desire to be back within his arms, to be loved by him once more, to be his once again. Those three past years had been long years without him, and now that he was back in your life, you would not let him get away again. No longer would you make decisions based on what you think is best for those around you, instead you would listen to your heart, picking what is best for you.

“A chance for what?” Sunghoon asked, as he watched you. He really wanted everything to be like it once was, but those feelings in his head would not let his heart be happy, reminding him of how easily you left him the first time, and how easily you probably would again. He never even moved on when you left him the first time, he was broken, literally and physically. He never was able to go out with another person, none of them compared to you, they all seemed lackluster in comparison to you. He was broken when you left the first time, but if you played him again, left him again, he was unsure of what would happen then; but, he knew it would be worse, much worse than the first time around. 

Staring into his eyes, you found yourself saying words you never imagined you would say. You never thought he would even take a chance to hear you out, let alone allow you to pour your heart out to him. “A chance to prove to you that I can make you happy. A chance to prove to you that I still love you. A chance to prove to you that I’m not gonna run this time. A chance to prove to you that you’re everything I’ve ever wanted.” You said to him, wanting to say so much more to him, wanting to open up your heart and pour your feelings out to him. Let your heart flow unabridged, words flowing without a filter, but you kept it in, knowing you did not want to scare him off. You left him once already, knowing Sunghoon how you did, he was probably more worried about it happening again. Yet, you knew deep within your heart, if he allowed you to own part of his heart once more, to hold his hand once more, to be on his side, you would never leave. 

At your words, Sunghoon was torn. His mind and his heart tearing him into two different directions. His heart was quick to remind him of how much he once loved you, how much he still loved you. It reminded him of those days as young teenagers, how in love you were in that time, how your hand would fit into his like puzzle pieces that belonged together, how you would always sit in his lap and fall asleep on his shoulder, how in those times he felt like he wanted that forever and everything. But his brain was more of a realist, quick to say she broke your heart once and she will do it again, reminding him of how he shattered his leg when you left the first time. It reminded him of how when he needed you most, you were nowhere to be found, his phone number blocked and you left the country in order to avoid him. Despite the convincing arguments from his brain, he decided to do something he never thought he would. Staring into your eyes, he found himself remembering those days all those years ago, staring into your eyes until you would blush and look away, remembering the slight flush that would come upon your features as he stared. For once, he chose his heart, deciding that he might as well give it another chance, things would be different this time, afterall it was not just yourself and him in his situation, but little Sohee as well. You allowed him to form a relationship with your daughter, and now he felt that you wanted to reform your relationship with him. Sunghoon found himself nodding, “One chance,” He simply said, smiling down at you. Finding himself thinking things that he had not thought about for years, but this time all the dates you would go on had another meaning, since it would not just be yourself and him, but instead your daughter as well. And he was destined to not let you go again, nor would he let you take his daughter with you again.

Sunghoon may have offered you one chance, but the genuine truth is that he would give you a million chances. You could leave him broken once more, and he would still be willing to give you another chance. You could do anything, and he would always be willing to give you another chance. He was down bad for you since the moment he first kissed you all those years ago, and even now nothing has changed, he would do anything for you, and would let you do anything to him. He hoped one chance would be enough, seeing the look in your eyes, he felt that you felt the same as he did, wanting nothing more than to be with him forever. Since, honestly, he wanted nothing more than to be with you for his forever, you were his forever, even if you just took a little break in between.

Hearing his words, it was as though every cell in your body came to a stop. It took you a minute to realize what he had said, he did not laugh in your face and tell you no, he did not turn around and leave you right where you stood, he instead said one chance. The memories of how you left him all those years ago made you believe he would have not given you even the time to speak, you know if the positions were switched, you probably would not have given him any extra chances. Yet, you had one chance, and all you could think was that is all you need. You would never leave him again, you would never want to break your own heart again, like you did before. Your place is with him, and that was something you had realized, and would make sure it was a place you would stay. “That’s all I need,” muttered under your breath, a smile coming to your face, your gaze shifting from the photo in his hand to look up at him. You would never admit it, but you wanted those days back, the days in the photo. The days when Sunghoon and yourself were inseparable, the days when you spent more time in his arms than out of them, the days where the only worries you had were skating and tests and trying not to get caught making out in the hallway by the teachers. Those days were so simple, so easy, and you missed when your love was carefree and a breeze like that. 

Getting ready to say something else, you however were interrupted as something ran between the two of you, quickly grabbing Sunghoon’s hand and dragging him off. A laugh fell from your lips as you watched him try to keep up with Sohee, she decided it was time for him to play with her again. Making your way back to the bench, the thoughts of being a proper family filled your mind, the idea of Sohee not only having a mother at home, but also a father, her father. It would not be the picture perfect life you once planned, but it would be perfect for what is your life. Breaking his heart once was not in the original plan, and breaking it a second time definitely was not in the new and improved plan. 

Watching the two of them play, the only thought plaguing your mind was whether this would be good for Sohee. As she dragged Sunghoon around the playground, you finally thought for a second that maybe this was not the best for everyone, as much as you wanted it to be, what if Sohee reacted badly to this. Sohee only knew Sunghoon as your friend, what if she reacted negatively to the fact he is actually her father, what if she reacted negatively towards him and you attempted to date again. What if the best thing for her was to just continue being a single mother, focus on her, with no other interruptions. 

Those thoughts did not have time to dwell however, as you found yourself being dragged from the bench. Sohee brings you over to the swings, where she had left Sunghoon. She was quick to push you towards one of the many swings, before taking a seat herself. “Sunghoon push swings.” Sohee called out, starting to giggle as he pushed her on the swing she was seated on. Watching her, it was these moments that you treasured, the sweet little moments with her, these moments would hopefully turn into sweet little moments with her and Sunghoon. You did not have much time to think about that however, as Sohee’s voice broke your eardrums once more. “Mommy swing too. Sunghoon push mommy too.” 

Unable to resist your sweet child’s call for you to join her, you sat on the swing finally, smiling softly as she started to laugh even more. It did not take long for Sunghoon’s hands to push against your back, pushing you on the swing as he did Sohee. He alternated between pushing Sohee and yourself, and he just did every little thing that Sohee told him to do. It was in that moment you realized, he was not going to leave easily, as he listened and accommodated each and every one of her little demands. She was quick to yell higher, only to yell too high, lower, not that low, faster, not that fast, slower, but not that slow. She was indecisive, and it was honestly adorable as he tried to swing her perfectly like she wanted, the task seeming impossible. 

As he pushed you again, once Sohee had decided he was doing it perfectly, you found yourself remembering all those years ago. When you were in high school and would find your way to the playground after practice, the two of you swinging on the swings while holding hands, knowing that you only had an hour before curfew. The two of you would enjoy your time together each time, talking while trying to swing at the same speed, sharing thoughts about school, your programs, and what you should do on your next free day. He would push you on the swings, teasing you with how high he could push you before you started to cry for him to not push you so high, the smile that would come to his face before he would kiss you as an apology filled your mind. Sohee quickly grew bored and ran off, so Sunghoon continued to push you, after a few pushes, you felt his hands on your waist. With that feeling, you found yourself turning back to view him, his eyes were glazed over as he stared at you, that alone let you know he was thinking of the same thing. As you made eye contact, you were both quick to look away, he moved back allowing the swing the stop, the two of you were quick to refocus your attention on Sohee. By then, the rambunctious toddler was ready to go, as the three of you left the park, you found yourself deciding that you would never make the same mistakes again; you would focus on your happiness, and he being in your life was the most important part of it.

It was odd seeing Karina and Sakura within your house after so many weeks, life had caught the three of you. Your usual weekly hangout sessions had been cut, Karina’s boss often wanting her to cover shifts at work, while Sakura was busy with a project in another class. Yet, today the three of you found yourself sitting on the sofa of your living room. Sohee was playing happily with her toys, not paying any mind to the three of you and your conversation, or so you thought. “How are things going? I know this must have been a massive change for you.” Karina absent mindedly asked, she knows how you honestly probably would have never told him, had someone not texted him that photo of you all. 

Sitting in silence for a moment, you weighed the options of what your words would mean to the two of them. They knew everything, and how you described things would either excite them, especially Karina and her idea that her favorite couple is getting back together, or it would put them both into a sad mood for the rest of the night. While you knew Sunghoon was only giving you a chance, you were so happy for that, honestly, within the deepest recesses of your mind, you could only hope that Karina’s idea would be the one coming true. “He gets along with her so well,” was how you started, sparing a glance at the preoccupied child before continuing, “She really does like him, granted, they mostly only hang out for a few hours, she really loves having him around. I honestly think he is ready and willing to fully take his position as her father, yet, I don’t want to rush anything or throw too much at him too quickly.” It was difficult to admit, your previously preconceived idea of what you needed to raise Sohee only had two variables, herself and you, but honestly, maybe you needed all three of you all along, you were just too stupid to realize it all those years ago. 

Shock graced both Sakura and Karina’s faces, they were amazed at your words, shocked at what you just shared with them. “He wants to just forget everything and be her dad?” Sakura asked, confusion falling across her features, as soon as the shock left. It seemed like a dumb idea as well, you hid her away from him for three years, but now that he knows of her, he wants to go back to how it should have been, he wants to be there for her like he should have been all along.

With a simple nod, it was an idea you found hard to believe as well. Most men your age would have run the opposite direction, happy to live childfree for however many years more, until they felt ready for the concept of fatherhood. Yet, here Sunghoon was ready to step into it after only a month of knowing the child, well a month of knowing he had a child, a month of knowing his child. “I just don’t want to mess anything up. He agreed to give me another chance, and I just don’t want to make any mistakes. Like I fully didn’t realize how much I missed him until I saw him face to face again, and he gave me a second chance, and I just don’t want to mess anything up for their relationship. Like what if I go too quick and he gets scared? What if we get together, Sohee gets used to calling him dad, just for him to decide this isn’t for him? I just, I don’t know what to do.” 

As you started explaining your thoughts, Karina was quick to pull you into her side, Sakura started to rub your arm at the same time. “I genuinely think he’s not going to do that,” Karina stated to tell you, “He was absolutely enamored with you when you were in high school. I remember the first time I saw you two together in high school, I honestly thought to myself he would probably propose to you the moment you started college, even then I could see the love in his eyes. You two were always my ideal couple, and even now, I think everything will be fine. If he looks at Sohee with half the adoration he used to look at you with, I just know she’s going to have a wonderful dad.” 

“Just don’t be scared, you did what you thought was best, he needs to understand that. If he feels the same way you do, then there is nothing to worry about, things will happen that are supposed to, and everything will fall into place as it should be.” Sakura picked up as Karina paused, giving you a little speech of her own. “While I did not know you in high school, from how everyone has described it, he loved you then, he probably loves you now, and he’ll probably still love you in the future. I don’t think he’d leave you and Sohee for anything, and I think if everything Karina says is true, then you’ll be a lovely family.”

With a simple nod, you found yourself resting in their arms, the three of you all intertwined as the conversation changed to them. As the conversation droned on, a little pair of ears had been listening all along, it was not eavesdropping when it was yourself they were talking about. Sohee had caught parts of the conversation, not many, but enough to know some new things, the words she caught being Sunghoon and dad. Sohee may only have been three, but she knew she was not like the other children she often played with at the park. They would oftentimes have two parents watching them, while she only had one. They should ask her where her father is, to which she would reply she only had a mother. But hearing this talk, the three year old’s little mind was made up, and she knew what she needed to do. Had the three of you known about a pair of little eavesdropping ears, you would have spoken with more tact, choose your words better to leave no room for miscommunications. Yet, Sohee was usually so enamored with her little toys, you paid her presence no mind, as the three of you conversed.

Before you knew it, it was a Friday night, luckily you had managed to talk Sunghoon into going out with you, the whole give me a chance thing. It was odd, once upon a time dates with him came with ease. You would pick your outfit without a second thought, you would be ready and waiting by the time he would arrive at your house, and you would spend time with him without a second of worry crossing your mind. Yet, here you were staring at your closet, unsure what to wear, it was like you were going on a first date again for the first time in forever. It was tempting to call Karina upstairs from where she was in the living room, watching Sohee for you this evening, but you knew it she came, Sohee would follow, and so would her little questions. Instead of having to explain to your daughter where you were going tonight, you instead decided to make the decision yourself, hoping that maybe you would make Sunghoon’s heart skip a beat and the butterflies within his stomach erupt like you once did before. 

Staring at yourself in the mirror, you had little time to contemplate your choice of clothing, since as you touched your hair up, a message shone on your phone. He was outside, waiting for you, reading his quick ‘I’m here’ text sent you back to all those nights years ago. You would hear his car down the road before you would hear him knocking upon your house door, rushing downstairs trying to keep him from having to talk to your parents for too long, really it was trying to keep your parents from saying anything embarrassing before you made it downstairs. Running out the door with him, hand in hand, as he would help you into his car, before making his way to the driver's door. He would always make sure to reach over, buckling you in, unless you had already done it. All those years ago you were always his passenger princess, he allowed you to do nothing but sit beside him and enjoy yourself as he drove wherever you desired, the only thing you had to focus on was playing the right music that the two of you could sing along to while he drove. Yet, this was not all those carefree years ago, it was now, and now you had a lot of worries, you had a lot of things to care about, and most of all you had the worry of messing up once again, fumbling what you once thought was your future, possibly forever.

Rushing downstairs, it was like all those nights years ago, yet this time you were rushing to keep Sohee from realizing someone was here, rather than to keep your parents from embarrassing you. “He’s here,” you shortly told Karina, before leaning down and giving Sohee a kiss on the forehead. “Mommy will be back later, you’ll be good for Aunty Karina right?” you asked the child, watching her nod, not even paying attention to you, yet, you knew you had nothing to worry about. Finally exiting the house, there he stood, Sunghoon in all his glory. During his high school days he would have been wearing some worn jeans and that old hoodie of his, but now here he stood wearing black slacks and a nice button down shirt, a clear sign that things had changed, time had moved on, and things were not all the same. Yet, you knew you were not dressed as you once would have either, instead of his oversized sweater and a pair of leggings, there you stood wearing a dress, since time had not only passed for him, but also yourself. 

Walking up to him, he was quick to open the door for you, allowing you to enter the vehicle, before he made his way to the driver’s side. No longer did he own that run down car that barely ran and was always threatening to give out on him, instead he was behind the wheel of a newer-ish vehicle, it made no rattling noises as it came to a start. Fastening your seatbelt, you barely heard a noise thinking nothing of it, assuming it was maybe just the vehicle, yet it was not. Sunghoon had muttered to himself, “You look beautiful,” but as you did not respond, he did not press the issue. Unlike all those nights you spent together years ago, this time, there was an awkward air about. The air reeked of unease, the uncertainty feeling flowed between the two of you, unsure of what was to happen this night, what was to happen between the two of you, should you even be trying to get back together, and just so many other what if’s. 

As Sunghoon started to drive, you noticed his hand finding its usual spot on the center console, it was like muscle memory, your hand found its way into his. The two of you sat like that for a good two or three minutes, before what you were doing hit you. Both of you were quick to wrench your hand from the other’s grasp, “I’m sorry,” You were quick to say, shifting to stare out the window, as you moved your hands into your lap, nails starting to stab into the palms of your hands, as you tried to resist the urge to reach out and grab his hand once more.

“We probably shouldn’t,” Sunghoon said as you spoke as well, your words all becoming flustered and jumbled. Despite how badly he wants to, he also knows within his heart, it is best to wait, to not get ahead of himself, to not try to revert back to how things were too quickly. Despite how badly he wants nothing more than to hold your hand, pull you into a bone crushing hug, and smother your beautiful face with his kisses as he once would have, he knew better, and he knew that he should not let himself get too excited. As badly as he wanted to take himself back to all those days years ago, he knew better than to indulge in those thoughts.

The silence was comfortable as you held hands, but now as the two of you tried to keep your minds from going back to those high school days, the silence was no longer comfortable. The silence was almost smothering, it was thick and harsh around the two of you. Neither of you spoke, maybe it was fear of saying something you would regret or maybe it was fear of saying something you would not regret but should not be saying so quickly. Vision blurred as he drove along, the buildings were just blurs of random colors as the city passed by through your window. It was not until you saw him turning into a familiar road that it hit you, where he was taking you, the diner. 

The diner was a place of memories, it was where you had your first official meeting all those years ago, where you had your first date, and sadly also where the two of you had your last date before you left Sunghoon all those years ago. Moving back here, you completely forgot about this place, it held too many memories for you to want to be within its walls once more. He would never admit it, however Sunghoon felt the same way you did, it was three years since the last time he was at the diner as well, unable to return within its walls once again like you were. The place held too many happy memories for both of you, memories than neither of you wanted to bring up once you were apart. Yet, here you were, on another first date, and honestly it was fitting, where it started it also ended, and all you could hope was that once it started again, it would not have an ending this time. 

As his car came to a stop, the look of familiarity crossed your features, as he gazed at you. Sunghoon had driven to the diner without thinking much, it was such an integral part of your history, it was as though his brain slipped into autopilot mode as he was on his way here. Initially, he thought of going elsewhere, but seeing the fond look upon your face, he was glad he did not. 

Sunghoon exited the vehicle, being quick to come to your side of the car, opening the car door for you. Leaving the car, it felt like being teleported back into being high schoolers, the two of you walking arm in arm into the diner, the familiar decor was like home, even the waitress was the same as the one from all those years ago. It was nice seeing a smile graced her face as she quickly came over to your table, if it was not for the stray grey hairs in her hair, you would have assumed time stood still within the diner, as it appeared just as you last remembered it. The waitress quickly took your orders, and probably would have started to talk your ears off, had her boss not caught her attention and made her walk away to do her work. The silence was awkward for a moment, neither of you wanting to break the silence, or maybe neither of you knew how to break the silence. The feeling of sitting across from him reminded you of all those years ago, when you two had just been paired together, forced to work together against your will. 

“It’s been so long since I’ve been here,” Sunghoon’s voice muttered, he being the first to break the uncomfortable silence the two of you had been sitting in. “Yet, it seems like nothing has changed,” He added, having the same exact thoughts you had when you entered.

After a moment of silence, you finally responded, “It’s like it was all those years ago, almost makes me feel like we are back in high school again.” The words fell out before you could stop them, your habit of speaking without thinking coming out at that moment. While it might have been like you were in high school again, you were anything but, no longer was it easy nights spent hanging out with Sunghoon or Karina, studying together and preparing for tests as a group. No longer was the work easy and the skating practice sessions hard. No longer did your life revolve around school, skating, and Sunghoon. Yet, you would not mind if it did once more, yet only adding another s into the mix, Sohee. 

Sunghoon felt the words as you said them, he almost felt the same, it was like stepping back in time, yet you were not teleported back to those carefree days. “Yet, we aren’t. Things were so easy back then, so simple, yet now everything just isn’t.” With that, he trailed off unsure of what to say honestly, since so many things had changed. Time was spent doing college work instead of high school homework. Time was spent at jobs instead of skating practice. Time was spent raising Sohee instead of hanging with your friends. Your life at this time was college, Sohee, and work. 

“It’s all my fault,” You muttered under your breath, knowing he felt this way due to yourself. “I just thought it would be easier for the both of us if I left. I thought it would make all the puzzle pieces click into place, and the next time I would see you would be on my television skating in the Olympics.” 

Sunghoon was quick to shake his head, “It’s my fault as well, I should have noticed something was off before you left. I should have been able to stop you from leaving.” He said, a thought that has marred his mind since you revealed why you left, he should have been able to tell something was wrong, he should have been able to know you were pregnant before you left, he should have stopped you from leaving. “I just keep thinking about how different things would have been if I fought harder for you.” 

With that thought, it was your turn to shake your head, “It’s not your fault, even if you fought harder, I still would have left. I just thought I was doing everything right, it broke me to leave you just as much as me leaving you broke you. I just thought at the time it was what was right, I thought that running away would be the best thing. I never thought about how you would truly feel, I only thought about how happy I wanted to see you achieving your dreams.” The words were slow to slip out, it took you a while to find how you wanted to word everything. The game of verbal tetris you were playing with your brain was irritating, the words finally coming out, at least the best they could at the time. 

“I just wished you would have let me know, I would have found a new dream for you,” Sunghoon replied, but seeing the look on your face, he did not press the issue. “That’s enough of that. We’ve said it repeatedly, we can’t do anything about it now, we just need to move on. I want to know what happened to you while you were gone, you know what I did, I shattered my leg, quit skating, and found myself unable to move on.” 

It was a thought you knew would come soon, yet you were still unsure how to answer the question, “I started college, I had Sohee, I raised Sohee, and that’s pretty much it. I could never move on from you either, no else just seemed to compare, everyone was subpar when I would think of them in comparison to you. I honestly did not even try, since no one compares to you. Maybe it was the delusions in my mind, but I like to think it’s the reality of you, giving me such high standards, no one can measure up.” Maybe it was wrong of you to reveal that to him, yet you felt no remorse, he needed to know how you felt.

Sunghoon found it hard to believe, while he never attempted to move on, since no matter what girl the boys showed him, none of them made him feel like you had; he found it hard to believe you never tried to move on. Yet, hearing your words, he felt it, he finally understood why. All these years, he thought he was the only one down so badly, he thought that you had probably moved on, found a man way better than he was, and was living happily ever after with your new man. Yet, no, you were in the same situation he was, so in love with someone to the point no one else could win your heart. Even after all these years, the distance, the betrayal, and everything; you two were still just two love sick fools waiting for a chance to be as you once were, and Sunghoon knew once the trust was finally built up between the two of you again, it would be just as it was all those years before. “No one was ever as beautiful as you. None of them ever made my heart beat as fast as you did. And none of them ever made me feel like butterflies were in my stomach begging to get out. Only you ever did that, and none of the other women they tried to set me up with, or introduce me to, ever made me feel even a tenth of how you made me feel.”

Your hand was quick to find him, he gave you a reassuring squeeze as you placed your hand within his. “I don’t ever plan on giving you up again. I should have never left all those years ago. I realize all my mistakes, and no matter how much I try, my heart has and will always be longing for you. I’ll spend as long as it takes to earn your trust back, I’ll do whatever it takes, since I’m not going anywhere, as long as you’ll allow me by your side, I’ll stay there.” Gazing up at his face, all you could think of was how you would make sure he never feels pain from your actions again, Sunghoon was willing to still love you after all these years, and you were going to make sure he never regrets that decision.

After that, the conversation felt a lot more natural throughout the date, it almost was like it was all those years ago. Leaving the diner, Sunghoon was quick to drop you off home, reminding you of the first date he took you on all those years ago. He was terrified of your parents being mad at him for keeping you out, so he brought you home directly after the date, making sure you were home well before curfew. As you watched him leave through the window of your front door, you were quick to remember how you had not kissed him that night, he had kissed you, and part of you wondered when you would feel his lips gracing yours once more.

Sunghoon was quick to adapt to a schedule with you, date nights on Friday night, park dates with Sohee on Saturday, and skating dates with Sohee on Sunday. Quickly it turned from you always accompanying the two of them, to Sunghoon insisting on taking her alone, claiming he wanted to spend time with her daughter even if you were not there. It was joyous watching as she grew closer and closer to her father, even if she did not know the man was her father, she oftentimes coming home with stories of what the two of them did at the park, usually her dragging Sunghoon around to play as he barely kept up with the child, or her telling you of all the tricks Sunghoon did while skating, and how cool it was, and how she could not want to do those exact tricks one day. 

Sohee was quick to understand that you were dating Sunghoon, not really understanding the concept of dating, but she knew you loved him based on the two of you kissing once in front of her. At some point, the three of you started looking like a proper family, the family you always wanted for little Sohee, the family she would have had to start with, had you not been so stupid as to move away and hide her from him. Despite that, as your love with Sunghoon bloomed once more, his heart blossomed with love for his two girls, quickly taking to the position of being Sohee’s father. Sohee just loved the fact that both of the people in her life could skate and would take her skating, it also did not hurt Sunghoon would oftentimes take her out for sweets after their skating time was done either.

As the cherry blossoms started to bloom Sunghoon had the idea to take you on a date to the park, he always promised to take you to where the cherry blossoms bloomed when you were in high school, yet your skating schedules never allowed him to do so. As he planned a romantic picnic in the park, he knew you would love it, sweet dates like that were always your favorite. He could give you the choice between an expensive luxury three star Michelin restaurant, and a sweet picnic date featuring finger sandwiches he made and your favorite dessert from the cafe, and you would always pick the latter. Nothing brought joy to you as much as him putting in effort, he making food for you, he remembering to pick up your favorite tiramisu from that one little cafe, anyone could buy a meal at a restaurant, but you loved the little things he did for you. 

Sitting on the large soft blue checkered blanket, you watched with nothing but adoration as Sunghoon pulled item after item from the dark brown picnic basket he had bought. Item after item decorating the blanket, a favorite of yours, a favorite of his, a favorite of both of yours. It was the ideal date, it was simple, but you loved that, it was something you could replicate any day with little money and little effort. Sunghoon remembered how you always talked about loving picnics, how a picnic and star gazing was your favorite date, and maybe that was what he had in mind when he planned this date. At the time, the weather was clear, and he assumed it would be a lovely time to do all of that. He planned to eat the picnic, take a stroll in the falling cherry blossoms, and then end the night stargazing with you. He would not admit it, but he already had some cheesy pickup lines ready to go, the stars might be beautiful but not as beautiful as you, the stars might be bright but not as bright as the stars in your eyes, and many other things already to go. 

The joy on your face as the two of you started to eat warmed Sunghoon’s heart, the little comments on how he remembered you liked this and you liked that, of course he would, even if he tried, he would be unable to forget all those little details he loves about you. The joy did not fade either, as soon the two of you were walking hand in hand, putting the picnic basket and blanket in his car, before continuing on into the park. Soon you were underneath the cherry blossoms, the sheer beauty of the scene gripping your heart, reminding you of the scenes in movies. The highly dramatic scenes where the main characters take a walk under the falling cherry blossoms, Sunghoon and yourself being the main characters in this scene. 

A laugh slipped from your lips as you felt the falling flowers making contact with your hair, looking up at Sunghoon, you found yourself staring into his eyes, seeing the flowers in his hair making him look even more beautiful than usual, if that was possible. Gazing up into his eyes, you found yourself muttering, as you pressed yourself against him. “I’ve fallen like a fool for you, every time I think I’m in too deep, I fall even further every time you look at me.” Being all you said, before your eyes found their way to his lips, wanting nothing more than to kiss him, yet not wanting to be the one to make the first move.

“I never really understood all the talk about love, but even after all these years, just staring into your eyes, I think I'm starting to understand it now, and I don’t ever plan on letting you go again.” Sunghoon muttered, his lips just centimeters from your own, but not daring to press against yours, despite how much his brain yelled at him to do so. The intrusive thoughts within his brain quickly won the power struggle going on in his mind, as his hands moved from holding yours, to cupping your cheeks, “You, you’re the one I love.” Yet, he refused to allow the thoughts in his brain to win as they begged him to kiss you, he instead asking, “What would you do if I kissed you right now?”

Staring into his eyes would usually send your brain into flashbacks of all those years ago, the time in high school where it was just you and him, yet now, your brain floods with ideas of the future, of your life together, of being a proper family. As he repeatedly confessed his love for you, it felt as though things were finally falling into place, you had already exposed your own love for him so many times ago, yet he was more cautious not wanting to be hurt again, but his words gave you everything you needed from him in that moment. Even after hurting him so long ago, you found your way to once again own his heart, and yours never left his ownership. “What would I do if you kissed me?” You repeated, “I would kiss you back,” was added shortly after, wanting nothing more than for him to do exactly that. “I want you to kiss me here, right now.” Was muttered as your lips were now almost against his own. 

Sunghoon was quick to press his lips against your own, any space that was between the two of you quickly disappeared. His actions spoke much louder than any words he said could have in that moment, he started to smile into the kiss as he felt your arms wrap around his neck, pulling him as close to you as he could be. Sunghoon’s own hands moved from cupping your face running down your sides, claiming their place around your waist, pulling you against him as best as he could. The sparks he always felt when kissing you were felt once more, the butterflies within his stomach erupted, and while you would not tell him, you were feeling the same, nothing but joy and love filling your heart as the two of you kissed. It felt as though time was frozen as the two of you kissed, all those repressed feelings and emotions bleeding into the kiss. Three years apart did nothing but make the heart grow fonder, make your emotions and love for one another stronger, and leave your minds with the thoughts that you should have never left, while Sunghoon’s mind was flooded with the idea that he should have followed you, he should have fought harder, he should have never let you leave him. “Your lips taste the same, how I’ve missed them” Sunghoon muttered against yours, the second part of his sentence being nothing more than a whisper, as he finally pulled back, the lack of oxygen finally getting to the point you needed to part.

“For you I’d steal the stars,” You muttered back to him, your lips just barely away from his. As the two of you stood there, slightly panting, trying to catch your breath, you found yourself shifting under his gaze, wanting nothing more than to continue kissing him, to make your lips meet his once more. “Stop looking at me like that or I'm gonna kiss you.” You said to him, ready to completely fold under his gaze, and you quickly did, reconnecting your lips to his once more feeling as he smirked into the kiss, you felt nothing but the state of needing him more and more, unable to fathom the idea of going without him for a single second longer. You were the stars in his night sky, as he was your moon within the same sky, and apart neither of you thrived, you belonged together, you completed each other, you were the stars to his moon. 

Your lips were quick to meet his, the soft flesh gently met, the kiss was currently delicate and tender; yet, as the two of you continued, it escalated quickly. The kiss shifted from soft and languid, to frantic and heated. The two of you were unable to get enough, the kiss becoming impatient and fiery, the hunger coming out, no longer did it feel familiar, a new level of desire coming to the surface as it quickly became sloppy and aggressive. No longer were the two of you apprehensive and nervous, quickly becoming eager and greedy as the kiss continued, wanting nothing more than the other as close as they could be. Lips changed from being pressed against each other gently, to crushing together, to devouring as you attempted to explore one another, needing more and more as hands clung to clothing, wanting to erase all space between the two of you, needing to be closer, since close was not close enough. Hearts palpitating as one of your hands clutched at the collar of Sunghoon’s shirt, palms sweating as your fingers on one hand tangled within Sunghoon’s hair, cheeks burning as Sunghoon’s arm circles around your waist, blood rushing through your veins while his other hand found its way between your shoulder blades. The kiss continued feverishly, all the emotions that you had held for the last three years flooding out into the kiss, you two just wanting more and more of each other, unable to ever get your fill. Finally parting, you found his forehead resting against yours as the two of you tried to catch your breath once more, staring into each other’s eyes, nothing but love and joy being exchanged in your gazes. 

“I missed this, I missed you, everything about you.” You muttered under your breath, still slightly panting while trying to catch your breath. Your hands still clung to Sunghoon’s neck and hair, wanting nothing more than to pull him back to your lips, never wanting to let him part from you again. The love and joy filling your heart once again, reminiscent of how you felt all those years ago, yet now those feelings were more intense, no longer some silly puppy love, instead your heart was filled with the unadulterated feelings of love and desire for the man standing in front of you. The love in Sunghoon’s eyes mirrored yours, and this time it was not yourself that connected your lips once more, instead Sunghoon was the one that ducked down, the hand he still had on your shoulder blades quickly helping to connect the gap of space that was once between the two of you. 

To any onlooker, the two of you would have looked like a lovesick adorable couple, young love in full bloom as the cherry blossoms were. The soft pink petals falling all around caused the scene to look even more picturesque. Two people so deeply in love, making out amongst the falling pink petals of the cherry blossoms whilst in the middle of the park, the moment was like one ripped directly from a movie or television drama. Sunghoon’s lips parted from your own, allowing you a moment to breathe, yet his lips were unable to leave you, he instead trailing them down your neck, placing rushed and feverish kisses all along your neck. Despite the euphoria, the joy you felt from the moment, the soft pink petals tangled within your hair were soon to fall. It started as a sprinkle, a sprinkle you ignored. Maybe it was that you did not want anything to ruin this moment for you, ruin the perfect feelings you were feeling, ruin the joy and love you felt from and towards the individual who you were currently tangled up in. Yet, that sprinkle was quick to change, as Sunghoon’s lips moved up your neck, resuming their place on your own. The kiss however was interrupted, the light sprinkles you had been ignoring suddenly turning into a downpour of rain. The once picturesque scene continued, rather than two lovers kissing amongst the falling cherry blossoms, instead it was two lovers kissing amongst the falling rain. 

Sunghoon was the first to break away, despite how your lips so easily followed after his own, he pulled away from you, being the first to speak. “Let’s get out of this rain,” He started, only to be interrupted by a large crash of thunder, what was once a nice rainstorm turning quickly turning into a torrential thunderstorm. Sunghoon felt nothing but his heart swelling with love and joy as he heard the laughs slipping past your lips, at the scene, before he grabbed your hand and the two of you started running towards his car. 

The two of you ran for a moment, until you almost fell, the shoes you had worn for your date were definitely not made for running, and definitely not for running while in the rain. The laughter rolled from your lips, as Sunghoon was quick to grab your waist, making sure you did not fall, and instead stayed safely pressed up to his side. “Come here, I'll carry you." Sunghoon was quick to say, leaning down, allowing you to climb onto his back, before he took off running again. Your arms wrapped around his neck, his hands quickly finding home on your thighs, as he held you steadily, letting you cling to his back, before he started to run back towards his car. Once by his car, he quickly put you down, allowing you to climb into the car, before he ran to the drivers side. These moments you felt so carefree, so youthful, like you had nothing to worry about but yourself and him. It was moments like these that made you feel the joy and simple happiness that having a child so early in life took from you, yet, you would never give up Sohee for anything, you felt as though your life now was eons better than even high school you would have imagined. Sunghoon’s laugh caught your ears, you turning to look at him, your hand finding its way up, pushing the wet hair off his face, wiping some of the raindrops off his skin, he ended up doing the same to you, the two of you pushing each other’s hair back, allowing you to fully see the others face. The sweet moment you shared however was fleeting, your lips desiring to reconnect with his, and you found yourself leaning over the center console of his car, lips meeting his once more. This moment however ended quickly, as somehow someone’s shoulder made contact with the car’s steering wheel, the horn of the vehicle causing the two of you to jump apart, before laughter filled the area once more. 

In the midst of his laughter, Sunghoon decided maybe it would be better to head on back, rather than continue making out in the car. “Let’s head back,” He started, quickly shedding his jacket, before he started the vehicle up. The warmth of the heater was welcome, despite it being a warm spring, the rain robbed the air and your frames of all that warmth. In that moment, you found yourself reaching for Sunghoon’s hand unconsciously, and he did the same. Hands meeting, fingers intertwined, you found yourself only holding hands, not sure if you can touch them more. As his car quietly hummed along the isolated roads, driving back towards the city, Sunghoon was the first to move his hand, finding its way to your thigh, he gently squeezing it. 

Everything felt like it was falling back into place, like everything was finding where it belonged. Here you belonged in Sunghoon’s passenger seat, controlling the radio, as he sat driving with one hand on the wheel and the other on your thigh. The silence was comfortable, the late night driving reminded you of the nights so many years ago, but this time it was better, your mind was not full of all of those childish little fears that your teenage brain once held, now your mind was only full of love for the man sitting on your side, the man you wanted nothing more than build a future with. The man that you genuinely felt was your endgame.

Sunghoon drove until he ended up at his apartment, seeing how it was closer than your house was. Sitting in the car, the two of you watched the rain pour down for a few minutes, waiting for it to slow, yet, as it continued to only rain harder and harder, you decided it would be best to get inside his apartment before it gets worse. Sunghoon was quick to exit the drivers side, running over to attempt to block some of the rain off of you, however as it was nothing more than a downpour, it helped none, the two of you were immediately soaked with water. "I'm going to carry you, okay?" Sunghoon quickly said, before scooping you up, starting to run towards his apartment building, a smile upon both of your faces, as you clung to his neck, as he held you close to his chest. 

Finally entering the building, he sat you down, allowing you to walk with him to his apartment. "You're soaking wet." He said, watching as the water pooled at your feet as you walked, leaving a path through the hallway. 

“You’re one to talk,” You retorted back, seeing how he was covered in just as much water as you. The comment, causing the two of you to start laughing once more, luckily you were nearing his apartment door, and not going to be a disruption to his neighbors for much longer. Entering his apartment, it was oddly something that screamed, him. It was clean and organized, it looked sleek and modern, and it just screamed Sunghoon, the only thing out of place being the pictures you could clearly see setting on the table, drawings that Sohee had given him. 

Despite wanting to look around his apartment a bit more, he was quick to point out the big problem of the moment. “You’re shivering, go shower and I’ll get you some dry clothing, I don’t want you to get sick,” Sunghoon said, feeling him gently kiss your forehead, before pointing you in the direction of his bathroom. You wanted to point out he was wet from the rain as well, yet he gave you no time, instead just pointing you off into the direction of the bathroom and walking off. You were quick to go into the bathroom, getting ready to shower as Sunghoon knocked on the door, letting you know he left a bag of clothing outside the door.  As you showered, you heard a faint voice, it sounded like Sunghoon was on the phone with someone, yet you paid it no mind as you tried to warm up. 

Exiting the bathroom, wearing the sweats and sweater that Sunghoon had given you, you found him dressed in dry clothing, while trying to dry his hair with a towel. “You need to take a shower too, go, go.” You told him, starting to push him like he had you. He attempted to fight it, before finally giving in, going to shower with warm water, to satiate you. As he was showering, you found your phone, seeing a message from Karina. Opening it with haste, you expected the worst, but instead you saw a message that brought a laugh to your chest. The message from Karina read ‘Sunghoon said you are staying at his house tonight due to the weather, you better not create another Sohee, Sakura and I are not ready to be the aunts of two’. Being distracted by your phone, you almost did not notice Sunghoon leaving the bathroom, he looked a lot warmer than he did moments ago, and his hair fully dried.

“You're shivering... Do you want another one of my sweaters?” Sunghoon was quick to ask, seeing how you were still slightly shivering in the cold air of his apartment. You had not even noticed you were shivering, but he was already at the thermostat while grabbing you a blanket. Once he found his way to the sofa, sitting besides you, his hands found their way to your waist, pulling you onto his lap, before laying the blanket over both of you. Leaning your head against his shoulder, you found yourself thinking of how much you loved this. You loved being in his arms, you loved being with him, you loved him in all his being, and you planned to never let him go again. 

Sunghoon had turned on some mediocre romance movie on his television, the two of you sitting in the dark living room as the D-list actors did their best to give the crappy script some emotion, yet even the low budget stupid romance movie could not keep your focus. Instead of staring at the television screen, you found yourself staring at an even better view. Your eyes were locked on his face, watching him as he watched the movie, or at least he attempted to watch the movie. Not even ten minutes into the movie, he had enough of your staring, deciding to do some staring of his own, which quickly turned into something more. As your lips moved against his, you felt his arms tightening around your waist, pulling you even closer, as if it was possible to eliminate any more of the gap between the two of you. The movie was soon long forgotten as the two of you continued, the only thing on your minds being one another. The night drew on, all emotions between the two of you escalating, each touch of your lips becoming more and more messy, the kisses becoming sloppy and impatient. Neither of you were able to have enough of the other, it was in this moment that you realized how Sohee came to be so quickly in your relationship. As you separated, Sunghoon’s lips were quickly to find purchase on the side of your neck, finding a spot that he was oh so familiar with, finding it with ease. The feeling of his lips on your neck let you know that by the time morning came it would be marred purple and black. Yet, you could not find it in yourself to care, you would allow him to do it again and again, just to feel his lips against your skin one more time. 

The feverish makeout session continued for the two of you, the movie and thunderstorm roaring outside becoming nothing more than the soundtrack of your night. Unable to keep their hands off one another, they find their way into each other’s hair, on their necks, gripping their collars, gripping the backs of their shirts, and around one another’s waist. The wanton kisses continued until the events of the night hit you both, kisses fading from hungry and full of desire, to languid and tired. Lips gently moving against one another’s, neither wanting to be the first to pull away, neither wanting to be the first to admit the fatigue was taking over their body, neither wanting to be the one to end this euphoric moment. Yet, Sunghoon finally found himself pulling away, the two of you resting against each other’s forehead for a moment. That moment however left quickly, your head finding itself against his shoulder, as Sunghoon’s cheek found itself leaning against your head. The two of you find comfort in each other’s arms, falling asleep with ease while laying across his sofa. 

Awaking in the morning, you found yourself resting on Sunghoon’s chest, his arms around you, nothing filling the air except for the consistent sound of his breathing. It was a moment you decided you wanted to experience for the rest of your life, not sleeping uncomfortably on his sofa, but waking up in his arms, hands intertwined even as you slept, unable to get enough of one another even when in an unconscious state. A smile graced your face as Sunghoon woke up, being quick to press a kiss to your lips, before muttering a stereotypical, “Good morning’. The morning was good, all because you had woken up next to him, it was a wonderful morning all thanks to him. 

These thoughts however were quickly ended, you sitting up sharply remembering you were not at your house, you were at Sunghoon’s apartment, and you had stayed the night due to the bad weather. Sunghoon also got up with haste, knowing exactly what was going on in your mind, grabbing your hand, he was quick to speak as you tried to find your way to the door. “Calm down, just take a breath,” He started, his hand starting to stroke your hair, “We’ll get you home and to Sohee in a minute, but first calm down. We’ll get you home, you can go change, and then we’ll take Sohee out to breakfast and to the park, okay?” 

Listening to him came automatically, a nod of your head and a deep breath later, you were sitting at the counter of his kitchen as he was getting changed. Before long, you were on the road, listening to Sunghoon talk about how his plans for the night before had been ruined, stargazing could not happen when it was pouring down rain; yet, you found yourself happy his original plans had been ruined, since how the night went was better than you could have imagined or even planned. The silence in the car was comfortable as the buildings passed by on the way to your house, the car turned into a familiar road, before long finding its way to your house. 

Exiting the vehicle you were soon in your living room, seeing Karina and Sakura had already gotten Sohee up, and the small child was playing. She quickly found her way towards you, only to change the direction her little legs were taking her to someone behind you. A gasp left your lips as you watched Sohee run into Sunghoon’s arms instead of your own, the shocked look quickly turning into a smile, seeing the soft interaction between your two favorite people. Sohee giggled as Sunghoon picked her up, carrying and bouncing the small child around, listening as she babbled on and on about her night with Aunty Rina and Aunty Kura. 

Leaving the two of them in the living room, you made your way upstairs, Sakura and Karina were quick to follow. The door of your bedroom had not even closed as Sakura started, “Tell us everything,” She said, sitting on your bed, Karina following suit, nodding as she also sat on the bed, wanting to know each and every little detail. 

“I can tell from the shade of your neck that someone interesting, or perhaps should I say fun, happened,” Karina was quick to chime in, obviously not missing the purple and black shaded spots covering the side of your neck. Seeing the marks, she could only hope that things had not went as far as they could have, she was serious when she said she could not handle being the aunt of two, Sohee was already a handful, imagine having another one, it would probably be even more feral and crazy than the sweet and energetic first born was.

Reaching up, you moved the collar of the sweater attempting to cover the marks for a moment, a blush coming to your cheeks as the girls just laughed at you. As the girls sat ready to hear all the little details, you started talking as you quickly changed your clothing, telling them everything they wanted to know, but maybe leaving out some parts, like the two of you making out in the cherry blossoms, and then again in the rain, and then again on Sunghoon’s couch. Nothing was heard other than cute noises from the two, they were in awe of your cute little relationship, how easily the two of you fell back into your routine, how easily the two of you fell back in love. As you started to do your hair, covering the spots on your neck, their words hit you, and you found yourself in awe of it as well, how quickly the two of you fell back in love, it was like you were never apart, it was like those three years never happened. The gossip session with the girls ended as you were done getting ready, the three of you making your way downstairs, Sakura and Karina leaving for their apartments, while Sunghoon started to prepare the smaller of his two favorite girls to leave. 

Once you had bid Sakura and Karina goodbye, you found yourself focusing on Sunghoon again, he sat on the floor helping Sohee put her shoes on, as she claimed she needed help to do so, feigning an inability to do it herself. It was a lovely scene, seeing as she had Sunghoon wrapped around her little fingers, just as she had you. The scene was a domestic one that you honestly would not have a single problem seeing for the rest of your life, it was cute to watch as Sohee explained to the tall male which shoe went on which foot, and how to put her shoes on for her. A smile came to your face, watching as Sunghoon simply nodded, doing as Sohee told him. The toddler was quick to start talking his ear off, as she explained her little rainboots, why they were her favorite shoes, and why she picked that color. The smile on your face however was soon to fade. Sunghoon finished putting Sohee’s shoes on, and Sohee was quick to jump up, wrapping her arms around Sunghoon’s neck in a hug. “Thank you daddy,” Sohee quickly yelled, before letting Sunghoon go, the child running off to go play with her toys.

In that moment, you knew each time Sakura, Karina, and yourself discussed things going on, she was listening. She had heard how many times they mentioned how her father was Sunghoon. She had heard it all, and she even went as far as to call him it. Sunghoon was quick to look up at you, the smile on your face dropping as he had a look similar to a deer caught in the headlights. Standing up, he was shifty, seeing the look on his face made your heart sink. The look on his face let you know what he was looking for, an escape route.

“I’m so sorry, I just remembered, I have something to do, I have to go, sorry.” Sunghoon stuttered out, his words jumbling, as he quickly made his exit. Not even a minute within Sohee dropping the word, he was gone, his vehicle starting the drive was audible, and he was gone.

Staring at the door he had just left out of, you were unable to stop yourself from letting some tears fall. The silent tears burned a path down your face, the only thing in your mind at that moment being that he hurt you, just as you hurt him all those years ago. Despite the desire to run back upstairs to your bed, collapsing into the soft fabric, letting the silk pillowcase catch all your tears, instead you had to be strong. Standing there, you let the tears fall for a moment, before wiping your tears, knowing you had more important things to do than cry for Park Sunghoon. You thought that maybe he was ready to be a permanent fixture in both your life and Sohee’s, but it seems you were wrong, he was temporary, and you were stupid for even thinking that he would want to be permanent. 

“Sohee, park?” You finally found your voice, it breaking slightly, but it was the best you could do in that moment. Walking into the living room, Sohee was quick to jump up, looking around for Sunghoon, who was not there. “He had to leave. But let’s go to the park? Okay?” You were quick to tell her, picking her up as she nodded, ready to go. Leaving the house, you found yourself thinking about how this is better, no one to worry about except yourself and Sohee. This is what your life has been the last three years, and what it should be. No longer would you allow your brain to fill with foolish thoughts of being a happy little family, since obviously Sunghoon was not ready for that, he running off and running away from the two of you. 

Before you knew it, Sohee was running amok, jumping from puddle to puddle, enjoying the rainfall from the night prior. Once you arrived at the park you had started to text Karina and Sakura, letting them know what was going on. They were quick to respond with disappointment, the whole situation was something they did not expect either, they thought that he was ready for everything, but it seems not. As you texted them, watching Sohee, your phone buzzed twice in quick succession, indicating you had new messages. The messages were quick to pop up, one from Jay while another was from Sunoo, reading Jay’s a smile briefly came to your face, ‘Park Sunghoon is a dumbass, don’t give up hope’. From that message alone, you knew that Sunghoon had done the same thing you had, immediately run to your friends group chat and tell them everything. Sunoo’s messages were a lot more humorous than Jay’s, “Sunghoon is a fucking idiot’, ‘do I need to beat him up’, ‘I will’, ‘I don’t think I’ll win’, ‘but I’d do it for Sohee’, ‘I think he needs his ass beat’. After reading Sunoo’s sixth message, you just silence your phone, placing it in your pocket, any messages you receive going unannounced, as you focused on your daughter and your daughter only. 

The fantasies that plagued your mind, the ideas of Sohee having both parents by her side, the thoughts of Sunghoon finally taking his role as her father, crumbled all around you. No longer were you hopeful for the future to come with him, no longer were you envisioning the days of being a happy family, no longer were the ideas of actually having it all in your mind. Maybe this was best for everyone, better for yourself and Sohee in the long run. Sunghoon running away before he was fully integrated into Sohee’s life was the best, since it meant less pain for her, less pain for yourself. You would not have to explain to an elementary student why her father left her, since he left before she was fully acclimated to him. 

Staring at Sohee, you allowed her to play as long as she wanted, deciding it would be better to keep her distracted like this, rather than have her question what happened with Sunghoon. Unlike usual, Sohee tired a lot quicker than she usually did, only spending roughly an hour at the park. The child could usually spend three or four hours running around and playing, and then still not be tired when you announce it is time to leave. Yet, she wanted to leave only an hour after arriving, which you obliged. 

Taking your child, you found yourself in front of your house before long, four cars parked in front of your house, letting you know that your friends were there. Entering the house, you were quick to put Sohee down, she wanted nothing more than to nap. Once she was sleeping, the living room was where you found yourself, Sakura, Karina, Sunoo, and Jungwon waiting for you since they got your text almost thirty minutes before you arrived home. They were quick to rush over, knowing the last thing you needed was to be alone again. Sakura and Sunoo were fast with wrapping an arm around your shoulders, pulling you down onto the sofa between them, letting you rest your head on their shoulders. 

“Sunghoon is a complete fucking dumbass,” Karina started, the rage in the eyes barely being contained by Jungwon, as he pulled her arm to make her sit down. “He better be lucky I don’t know where he lives, or oh, I’d fuck him up.” She rambled on, seeming even more mad about the situation that you were in, than you were.

Jungwon was hasty in reaching up, grabbing Karina’s hand again, pulling her back down, as she jumped up in anger from the seat next to him. “Usually I would try to see it from the other side, but honestly, both sides of this just make him an asshole. Like he’s spent months getting to know Sohee, claiming he wants to be her father, but then runs away the moment she calls him dad. Like there is no way to see this from his point of view that doesn’t make him seem like a horrible person. Either he did not really think of the commitment that it would mean, and freaked out when she said it, since it hit him. Or he never planned to stay, and her calling him that freaked him out.” Jungwon said he was known for being the level headed one of your friend group, but even he knew there was no level headed way to think of this situation.

“I still think you should let me fight him,” Sunoo cut in, being met by a quick shake of heads from everyone else. Even Karina, who wanted to fight Sunghoon, was shaking her head. “Yeah, yeah, shake your heads, I know I wouldn’t win either, but I could probably at least like, bite him, do some damage.” He said, seeing the chorus of heads shaking, being quick to sigh, before focusing on rubbing your shoulders once more.

Sakura’s hand moved from your shoulder to your hair, softly petting it, as you laid your head on his shoulder. “I say fuck him. Sohee was fine being raised without him, and she doesn’t need him now. She has two amazing aunts and two wonderful uncles, she has no need for a Sunghoon in her life when she has all of us instead, we would never leave or run away from her, we actually love her, unlike someone.” Sakura started to ramble, her words coming out hastily, like she was going to lose her train of thought.

Hearing their words, you nodded your head, with a sigh, the memories of last night came to mind. “I just, I thought everything was going perfect. I mean last night it was like we were in a dream, he took me to see the cherry blossoms and we had a romantic picnic. We were so perfect, I thought he was ready to be in my life, to be her life. But, he just ran, he just left without a second thought.” You said, starting to cry as you spoke, tears filling your eyes as you recall the perfect night that turned into a nightmare day. “I just thought, I just, just for once I thought I could have it all. I thought I could be happy.” 

Sunoo was quick to lift a hand, wiping your tears, as Sakura started to rub your back, Karina was grabbing tissues for you, while Jungwon watched the scene, his anger towards Sunghoon tripling in that moment. “Sometimes you have to make your own happiness, and you can be happy with us. I know we aren’t him, but we’ll help and support you in any way you need, prove to yourself that you don’t need him.” Jungwon said, trying to make you feel better, but it only made you cry more.

“You wasted months proving yourself to him, just for him to do what?” Karina started to yell, jumping out, dodging Jungwon’s hand for once. “To run out like a little bitch the moment he realized how serious things were getting.” Karina was more angered at the situation than anyone was, knowing your past with him, it made sense, only she knew what you had gone through with him. “He wanted so badly to be in your life, just to run away. Leave you to have to explain to Sohee why her dad doesn’t love her, why he disappeared on her and never came back, why she doesn’t have a family like everyone else because he’s too much of a little bitch to be the father he should be. You opened yourself up to him once more, allowed him into Sohee’s life and your own, just for him to do this, I just, I can’t.” Karina ranted, excusing herself to go stand outside to attempt to calm her nerves.

With a sigh, you watched Jungwon follow her out, wanting to keep her from doing anything she would regret. You however had no time to focus on that, as Sunoo started to talk once more. “I just don’t understand, in our group chat, he talks highly of Sohee, of fully being her father, but I guess he just liked the title more than actually being it.” He said, being met with a noise of approval from Sakura. “He’ll probably realized he fucked up and come running back to you, but I wouldn’t take him back. Make him beg for it. Make him earn your trust. He made you earn his trust back before he was willing to show you affection, make him earn your trust before he can see Sohee. Walk him like a dog, girl.” Sunoo said, any alliance to his friend Sunghoon was gone, instead he only held alliance to you. 

Sakura was quick to agree, noises of agreement slipping past her lips, before she started talking. “I just can’t believe he would do this to you, I thought we were making progress, I thought things were changing for the better, I thought things would finally be better for you.” She said, her hand continuing to stroke your hair, providing some comfort in this situation. 

It was not long before Jungwon and Karina rejoined the three of you, her anger mostly subsiding, and the five of you instead focusing on other topics than Sunghoon. The four of them decided to stay the night, turning the comfort session into a sleepover, much to Sohee’s joy. She was enjoying the night with her favorite aunties and uncles, the thoughts of what happened previously that day slipping from her mind, as they indulged her in all her favorite movies and foods. Allowing for a day to get their minds off of what was happening around them, allowing them to only have fun, despite the crazy world and things going on outside their door.

It had been just over a week since that day, since the day Sunghoon ran, leaving you alone in the house with a daughter who had just called him dad for the first time. When your phone rang, you thought you were being scammed as the unknown caller popped up on the phone, deciding it was better to not answer the call, assuming it was probably someone calling to let you know your car’s warranty was set to expire soon. Yet, the number called back once it went to voicemail, causing you to ignore it once more. Whoever it was, however did not give up, after that call went to voicemail, they sent you a message. It was only then that you read what it said, ‘hey it’s Jake, I know I’m probably the last person you want to talk to right now, but can we meet up’. On the list of people you thought would be behind the unknown caller, some random telemarketer or an automated voice caller, Jake was not even considered to be on that list, especially after how he yelled at you during your last time together. 

For some reason, you found yourself agreeing to meet up with him, sitting at the table alone, you waited for him. Jay sat only a few tables down, playing with Sohee, luckily he had gone on his break and did not mind keeping the little girl company as you spoke to Jake. Jay himself was confused when you told him Jake reached out, after everything had gone down, Jake still had not opened up to the idea of being around you or speaking to you. Even now months later, Jay and Sunoo were the only ones of their friend group you spoke to; Heeseung was just never really a friend of yours, meanwhile Jake still seemed to harbor a hatred towards you.

Watching as Jay and Sohee talked, listening to her ramble, you made a mental note to invite Jay the next time all your friends go out. Jay and your conversations had mostly been restricted to text only, yet you had grown close enough, to the point that you trusted him to watch Sohee, so he would be a welcome addition the next time you all go out, that is if he is not working. Watching the two of them only lasted for a few minutes, as you heard the chair around you scrape against the floor as it was pulled from the table, Jake taking a seat. He sat there silently, almost mimicking your own silence. Neither of you wanted to be the one to break the silence, neither of you wanted to be the one to speak first. 

"I think I owe you an apology." Jake said quickly, being the first person to break the ice. You could tell that thought was on his mind, even if Jay was not sitting only ten feet away, staring daggers into the floppy haired man’s back. Jake genuinely was, after learning everything, he felt like shit for everything he said to you in anger. He just could never put his feelings into words, like how does one say sorry I was a dumbass without sounding like a dumbass.

Hearing the words slip from his mouth, all you could do was shake your head at the useless apology. "You don't have anything to be sorry for." You simply told him, “You said what you said, and I know you were only wanting to protect your best friend.” You continued. “I mean, I had hurt him once, you just didn’t want him to be hurt again. I’d do the same for my friends.”

Jake silently nodded, not really knowing how he planned this meeting to go, he was really sorry, but he was unsure of how to get you to believe it. “I shouldn’t have spoken on something I didn’t know, but I did, and now you are the one hurt.” He said, regretting his choice of words, as you obviously had a negative reaction to his words. “I just, Sunghoon’s a complete and total idiot, and I know you won’t believe me, but I really think what he did was wrong.” He tried to explain. “Sunghoon immediately freaked out in our group chat, and I know he’s going through it, but I can only imagine you are going through it worse, and even though I have no part in this I’m sorry, and I just, I just wanted to let you know I’m sorry and that Sunghoon’s just an idiot, don’t hate him for this.” Jake said, his words turning into a long ramble of words. 

With a sharp breath from your nose, you thought about what he said. “This would mean a whole lot more coming from him, not you. That’s like me apologizing for Yuna breaking your heart back in high school. It is not your place to apologize, you're not the one that ran out in terror after having the child you’ve been bonding with for months call you dad. You're not the one who ignored all my texts and calls wondering what was going on, since you ran out so abruptly I thought maybe something had happened. You’re not the one who broke my heart, or it at least seems like it.” Hearing your words, you see Jake give you an odd look, looking almost like a confused puppy. “I’m not sure whether he broke my heart, or if he helped me dodge a bullet, since I’d rather him run away before Sohee gets too used to him being in her life, than him run once she gets comfortable with him being her dad.”

Jake was quick to shake his head, hearing each word from your mouth broke his heart a little more each time. He had no children, and hoped to keep it that way at the time being, but hearing how you spoke so lowly of Sunghoon hurt, yet he can understand where you are coming from with your ideas. “You aren’t dodging a bullet. There is no bullet to dodge. Instead, you have an idiot that is uncontrollably and irrevocably in love with you, his heart belongs to no one except you, and it can never belong to another. He’s an idiot that is so in love with you, he loves his daughter so much, but he got overwhelmed, and he overreacted.” Jake pauses, unsure of what to say next, before deciding upon one thing. “Just hear him out, I know you may feel hurt, you may feel like he did it on purpose, but just hear him out. He’s just a giant idiot who got overwhelmed, just hear him out before you decide to cut him out of your life.”

Hearing Jake’s plea, you simply nodded, deciding this had gone on long enough, and you needed to get home. “We’ll see,” You simply said, standing up, staring towards the table Sohee and Jay sat at. “Thank you for watching her.” You told Jay as Sohee jumped up to come to you, running back to hug her new uncle Jay before the two of you left. Sohee had taken to Jay quickly, he was much calmer and more quiet than her other uncles Sunoo and Jungwon, and seeing how he had taken to her, you knew he would be included within your friend hangouts more often. Leaving the cafe, the only thing on your mind was whether to take Jake seriously, should you hear him out, should you give him once chance, give him one chance like he had given you.

At first you thought you were seeing things when you heard the knock at the door, and upon checking the doorbell camera, saw him standing there, shifting foot to foot, obviously feeling uncomfortable at this scene. However, this was a scene of his own being, he caused this himself, and therefore he needed to deal with it himself. The trip to the door was slow, luckily Sohee had just been put down for her afternoon nap, otherwise it would have been a much more awkward talk with him. She did not understand what was going on, why Sunghoon suddenly left, and why he had not been around the past week. He had become a common figure within your home, always visiting to see Sohee and yourself, so it was odd to have gone over a week without him gracing your house with his presence. But at this time, his presence would have not been welcome, nor would it have been a gift. 

Finally opening the door, there he was, staring right back at you. Sunghoon was quick to step into the house, following you into the living room. The scene was a familiar one, except this time, he knew about Sohee and he also knew you had been back for a while. This time it was not about you keeping secrets from him, it was instead about himself, and the tone shift in the scene made that obvious, rather than anger filling the air, it was resentment. Sunghoon regretted how he acted, and you could tell that, yet, it was going to take more than just a simple apology to get you to forgive him in this circumstance. 

“I’m sorry,” Sunghoon started, he planned to come in and apologize and open his heart up to you, but the words felt lost in his throat. His head was empty, finally seeing you made him forget everything he had previously rehearsed in the mirror. The grand apology and promises he planned to make never came out, instead he just trailed off, leaving you with complete silence.

Staring Sunghoon in the face, you found yourself unable to keep eye contact with him. He runs away when Sohee finally calls him dad, then he comes back just expecting you to forgive him and let him back into your life, back into Sohee’s life. “Oh, you’re sorry. Oh, that helps so much, a simple apology doesn’t do anything to help what you’ve done. You hurt me, worst of all, you hurt our daughter. You didn’t even think about your actions, you just ran, and what sat around until you decided you messed up, thinking you would come running back to me and I would accept you with open arms. You have another thing coming, it would be one thing if you hurt me, but you didn’t just hurt me.” You started to rant, the look on Sunghoon’s face contorting as you hit him where it hurts, but you did not stop there. “If you had only hurt me, I would have just accepted it as revenge for me doing the same thing all those years ago, when I left you when I found out I was pregnant. I would have just assumed you were a horrible person who wanted revenge on me in the same way I hurt you, and I would have gotten over it. You probably could have come and apologized, and I would have fallen right into your arms again, since I am so in love with you. But you didn’t just hurt me.” 

Taking a breath, Sunghoon looked like he was going to start talking, but you quickly cut him off. “You hurt our daughter, no, you hurt my daughter, you hurt the only thing I have that keeps me going. I may have thought you were a horrible person, but no you’re evil and vindictive, the fact that you hurt her to hurt me, you hurt me through hurting her, only someone that is genuinely an evil person would do that to a three year old. If you decided you were not willing to be part of her life, to be part of this family, you should have left without a single word, instead you hurt my child.” You continued to yell at him, seeing the tears welling in his eyes did nothing to calm or stop your words. “Do you know how it feels to have a three year old ask you why her dad doesn’t love her? Do you know how it feels to have your own daughter ask you why her dad ran away and hasn’t come back? You don’t, because all you think about is yourself, but that doesn’t mean you aren’t hurting others while you do that.” The adrenaline from the yelling was starting to wear off as you stopped screaming, your voice became soft, almost broken. “After all these years, after everything you’ve done, I still love you, but I don’t know if I can fully trust you again.” 

Hearing your last sentence broke any resolve that Sunghoon had built up in his body, the words being the exact same words he had told you months ago. “Yell at me all you want. Hate me all you want. I know I deserve it. I never meant to hurt you. I never meant to hurt Sohee.” He started, the tears silently starting to fall down his face. “I just, she called me dad and something in me just broke. The idea of commitment and forever and the future, it just paralyzed me. I know this isn’t an excuse, I don’t think I’d forgive myself for it either, and I wouldn’t judge you if you never forgive, but please, just hear me out. “ He started to plead, wanting nothing more than for you to hear him out, to let him get everything on his heart out into the open. “I deserve everything you said to be, each and every word of it. The idea of commitment scared me, the thought of having a child that would rely on me, but after I ran, it hit me that you had to face that head on, you had to be the person that child would rely on since I wasn’t there. It finally hit me that, I’d rather be by your side, I would rather be someone for you and our child, not your child, our child to rely on. I won’t leave your side. I’ll never stop proving to you that I love you, that I’ll never hurt you, again, that I’ll always be there for you.” 

Sunghoon took a breath, a hand harshly wiping his face, before he started again, seeming like he was compiling his thoughts before continuing. “Just give me one chance, one chance to prove I won’t do anything like that ever again. One chance to prove I love you. One chance to prove I love Sohee. One chance to be the father she deserves. One chance to be the love of your life again. One chance to prove to you that I am serious about this, that I am serious about you.” He said, stepping forward, he found himself taking your hands, immediately finding himself on his knees, in front of the seat you sat in, ready to beg you for another chance. “Please, just one chance, let me earn your trust, I’ll do whatever it takes, spend as long as it takes, just give me one chance to prove that your love is placed right with me, that I can be the man you need and the father our daughter deserves.” Sunghoon pleaded, staring up at you, just waiting for an answer.

It was hard to hide the look of confusion as Sunghoon got in front of you, literally on his knees begging. The Sunghoon you knew as a teenager would have never reduced himself to begging, let alone begging on his knees. This action alone, let you know that you were not talking to teenager Sunghoon, not even young adult Sunghoon, it was like he has aged years within a few days, like a new maturity had taken over his brain, taking hold and leaving him with this new rush of maturity and desire to do anything to please you and his daughter. Despite the desire to tell him to leave, to tell him to fuck off, and to laugh in face as he begged you for a chance, it honestly would have been hypocritical on your part. Not even six months ago, you were the one begging him for a chance, and now here he was being the one begging. “One chance. You have one chance, and if you screw it up, you will never be in either Sohee’s life or my own, ever again.” You said to him, this was much more than just you hurting him and him hurting you, he had hurt your daughter, and it was not for the part of your brain that wanted the two of you to work things out, you would have not forgiven him. “Get up, you look like an idiot on the floor,” you muttered, wrenching your hands from his, before standing up. 

Sunghoon was quick to find his own way to his feet, just staring down at you, unable to stop the smile from crossing his features. “That’s all I need. I will make sure to earn your trust back.” He said, the resolve was regrowing within his being, and he planned to make sure he was never the reason behind your tears again, only wanting to bring you and his daughter joy.

Seeing Sunghoon run around the park, chasing after the rambunctious three year old, it felt like repeating history. This scene was one you had seen before, before you had convinced him with your one chance that you really did love him, that you would not leave him, and that you were serious about him. This time however, the roles were reversed, he tried his best to convince you that he loved you and Sohee, that he would not leave you and Sohee, and that he was serious about being with you and around Sohee. He seemed to be taking what you told him to heart, everything about how he would never see you or Sohee again was nothing but talk, you did not have the heart to separate that man from her, especially if he truly wanted to see her. You were just as lovesick as he was, the only difference being you had another person to prioritize, putting what was best for Sohee before what was best for yourself. Honestly, you felt like this was what was best for her, being around her father, her father being in her life, Sunghoon and yourself being a happy couple she could proudly call her parents.

A laugh slipped from your lips as Sunghoon fell while chasing the toddler, he tripped over something, dramatically crying out as Sohee jumped on top of him. The two were playing like nothing happened the weeks prior, like Sunghoon had not iced you out for over a week, like Sunghoon had not run off the moment Sohee called him what he was to her, like none of it had happened. You wish you could forget things as easily as she did. Someone might do her wrong, she pouts for a day or so, then it is like nothing ever happened. You were unsure whether she was just forgetting, or maybe if she was forgiving, but either way you wished your heart was as simple to work as hers was. Maybe then your brain would not keep sending you various thoughts of him doing it again, of him working his way into your lives just to ditch you once more. You would rather lose him before he found his way into every aspect of your life, than to start the whole coparenting thing, just for him to decide he did not really want this at all. 

It has officially been a month since Sunghoon’s fear took him over and he ran out. During the past three weeks, he has tried his best to prove to you that he is serious. Yet, despite his actions, part of you still fears him doing it again. You hurt him so badly when you left, you ruined his career without even knowing it, so part of your brain thinks he will want revenge, he will want to hurt you worse than you did him. Even after all these months, the fear still courses through your veins, the idea of how easily he could destroy you if he so desired. During this time of rebuilding, Sunghoon had done nothing to show he would, there was no hesitation or second thoughts, but that did not prevent the thoughts from clouding your mind, how easily he could leave once more. How easily he could destroy the little bit of happiness you had built up. How easily he could hurt you in the worst way, through hurting little Sohee. 

Sohee seemed to have none of these fears, instead happily playing with Sunghoon as though nothing had happened. Even the other mothers at the park had taken notice of the extremely attractive man playing with his daughter. Throughout the day, you spent your time passively agreeing and listening to the mothers speak. Some commenting how his little girl looks just like him, a resemblance that even you could only just agree about. Others commented on how happily he seemed to be playing with his little girl, adding snarky remarks about how their own husbands would rather play video games than with their children. The last most common remark of all, was how he seemed to be such a great dad, how he had a great relationship with his daughter, and how they wish their husband was like that. Those comments hurt the most, not because people thought you were married to him, but because that relationship was hanging in the balance, just stuck on a frayed thread, easily able to be cut down. He might play the role of model father in this moment, but only one more mistake on his part, and there would no longer be a father in Sohee’s life, he would no longer be a fixture in his daughter’s life, and you would feel no remorse removing him from your own life. 

It was not long before you heard the sound of a squeal, Sohee running straight towards you as she always did when she was ready to leave the park. At some point you could only guess she had talked Sunghoon into chasing her, since as you looked up the lanky figure was trying his best to get up from the slide, the one Sohee had probably run from moments prior. Sohee was quick to climb into your lap, her little arms wrapping around your neck the best they could, as she hugged you, the two of you watching as Sunghoon finally made his way over from the jungle gym to where you sat. “Ice cream please?” Sohee’s voice was quick to ask, once Sunghoon was within earshot of where you two sat. The pouting look on Sohee’s face let you know she was going to get it even if you told her no. One thing you learned quickly was that Sunghoon had no resolve when it came to telling her no. All Sohee would do is look at him with her wide eyes and her pouty lips, and he would fold faster than a folding chair.

 “After you eat lunch, okay honey.” Sunghoon was quick to reply, as he finally made his way to the bench you were sitting on, having had to walk halfway across the park from where Sohee had run away from him. 

Looking up at his words, it was odd, he usually was the first to say yes and of course, so his reply took you by surprise. Nodding your head, you were quick to agree with his words, as Sohee looked up at you, wanting a different answer. “After lunch.” You confirmed, watching as Sunghoon picked up the pouting toddler, before extending his own hand towards you. Taking it, he helped you to your feet. Despite all the thoughts running through your mind, as your fingers intertwined with his, you felt like it was where you belonged, where you should be, and where you should stay. 

Your hands were quick to start hanging between the two of you, Sunghoon simply tugging on yours to pull you closer, before his hand found its way around your waist. It was moments like this that made you want to forget it all, forget how he ran out on you and on Sohee, forget how he got overwhelmed and freaked out the moment Sohee had called him dad. The sweet moments like walking through the park, Sohee on Sunghoon’s hip, and his arm around your waist almost made it worth risking, risking it all, just to keep this happiness and joy within your soul permanently. 

Venturing into the fairgrounds, it was like deja vu. Six years ago, Sunghoon and yourself were sent to the same fair to get closer. Now you were together, you had a three year old, you were in college, and so many other things. It seemed like a full circle moment to be honest. Things between the two of you started at a fair, and with how things were going, you felt things as a family were to start at this fair as well. Sunghoon had worked for months to make sure you felt he was not going to leave, doing anything and everything for Sohee and yourself. Honestly, you felt like you would have immediately given in and fully taken him back months ago, but for the sake of Sohee, you held out. 

The scene was reminiscent of that day all those years ago. Sunghoon clutched onto your hand as he dragged you around the carnival, one hand in yours, while the other hand carried your daughter. Hearing the excited chatter between the two of them, you were unsure whether it was Sohee or Sunghoon that seemed more excited about the plethora of rides and games abound. Sohee was happily telling Sunghoon all about the pretty horses she could see on the carousel, he interestedly listening and responding, as she explained to him which color of horse she wanted to ride, even going as far as to rank the horses on their colors. Due to her excitement, you could tell that was directly where he was leading the two of you too. 

Luckily Sunghoon had the premonition to come to the carnival early, meaning there were few people around, allowing there to be no wait time for many of the rides. As the two of them joined the short line that waited for the ride to finish, you took a seat on a nearby bench. Quickly your phone was pulled out, you taking a few photos of the two of them waiting in line. Sohee was talking animatedly, pointing to the horses as she spoke, while Sunghoon gazed down at her, hanging onto each and every word he said. The look he stared at her with was one you recognized, it was one that he looked at you with, looking down at you as though you were his whole world. Which, honestly, to him Sohee and yourself were his whole entire world. Despite the tumultuous relationship the two of you had, he was unsure of what he would do with himself if he woke up one day and you were gone. He was unable to move on after your short lived high school relationship, and he was sure as hell that he would never move on if anything happened to Sohee or you. 

The photo was quickly sent to your group chat, your friends immediately fawning over the sweet photo of Sohee and her father. As they sent various texts, you noticed that the line had started to move, as Sunghoon climbed onto the ride, quickly going to the horse that Sohee had expressed the most interest in being on. Photos were taken as he stood by her, holding her as she sat on the horse, the child ecstatic about where she was, what she was doing, and who she was with. Sending the photos, you even quickly took a small video, Sohee clapping in excitement as the ride started to go around. The group chat was reacting as you expected, the common messages calling their niece adorable, saying send more photos and all. As you went to turn your phone off for the moment, one message caught your attention, it was from a newly added member to the Sohee’s Aunties and Uncles group chat, Jake. Softly laughing as you read his message, ‘if he ever leaves you and Sohee again I’m gonna fuck him up’, before he quickly sent another, ‘i would commit arson to see that smile’, ‘she’s too precious’, closing your phone for the moment, you ignored the plethora of messages, probably trying to talk Jake out of commiting arson. 

Standing up as you heard the ride come to a stop, you found yourself waiting for the two as Sunghoon exited the ride, Sohee upon his hip once more. Listening as Sohee excitedly chatter about the ride, how much fun it was, how much she loves the carnival, and how much she loves the horses, the three of you found yourself just walking around the carnival grounds. Walking around, trying to find more of the child safe rides for little Sohee, you found yourself in front of the inflatables, which Sunghoon quickly agreed to accompany Sohee on. Despite how much you loved her and would give her everything she wanted, Sunghoon was even worse. He may have not officially been her father for very long, but you could tell she was soon going to turn into a daddy’s girl, since he would do anything to make her happy. Watching as his lanky figure crawled into the inflatable obstacle course, you brought your phone out, filming as he followed Sohee through, helping her in the parts she needed assistance in, while just following her throughout the rest. 

As Sohee bounced around the bounce house at the end, Sunghoon stood outside of the inflatable house, attempting to catch his breath after having chased Sohee around for about ten minutes. Sending the video to your friends, it did not take long for you to hear a voice, an elderly female carnival worker, sitting at one of the information booths nearby. “What a cute couple,” She started, before seeing the little long haired girl climbing out of the bounce house, hastily running up to Sunghoon for him to pick her up. “And what an adorable little girl.” She added. This gave you an odd sense of deja vu, reminding you of the first moment Sunghoon and yourself had been referenced as a couple, at the carnival all those years ago. Yet at that time, you were not one, nodding your head at her compliment, you went to join the two of them, knowing that this time you were, you happily were.

Leaving the inflatables, you were in front of a food stand before you knew it. Sohee tugged at your sleeve before tugging at Sunghoon’s hand, the small child begging for cotton candy, to your surprise, you listened when Sunghoon told her she needed to eat real food before candy. The three of you soon sat at a table, Sohee sitting in Sunghoon’s lap, as you sat across from them. Food from one of the food stands on the table in front of you, the three of you enjoying the food, before Sohee got the one item that she said would change her life, the large cotton candy stick with a bulb of candy bigger than her head. 

Watching as Sunghoon assisted her in eating it, you were unable to stop the feeling of warmth that was taking over, radiating out from your heart into your limbs. The warmth taking over your being, the joy from seeing the two of them, just made you feel so happy. Only a year ago you would have gone at everything alone, knowing that one parent was all Sohee would ever have. But the time changes so fast, everything can change in a blink of an eye, and before you knew it, you were back home and no longer going at it alone. Sohee was finally getting the happy family she deserved all these years, with a caring set of parents. Despite your initial reservations about fully introducing Sunghoon as her dad, he was quick to prove that your trust in him was well founded, and that he was going to be there not only for her, but also for you. It was a lovely feeling, the joy of being a full proper little family. Yet, the only downside was the feeling in your heart that you robbed Sohee of this for three years, all those years you spent abroad, thinking it was for the best, but now knowing it was not.

Sunghoon had just barely cleared the table and cleaned Sohee’s face of the sugary treat, when she was bouncing around once more, tugging at his sleeve, expressing her desire to go on other rides. This was how you found yourself sitting in the carriage of the ferris wheel, Sohee sitting in between yourself and Sunghoon, watching as the ride went higher and higher up into the air. The view was stunning, the only thing you wished was that it was night instead of early afternoon, that way it would be even more gorgeous. Staring out at the skyline, Sohee was enamored, watching as everything got bigger, then smaller, then soon you were on the ground once more. Hand intertwined with Sunghoon’s, as he picked her up, his hand pulled you close, before moving from your own hand, to wrap around your waist. “If the carnival is still in town next time we have a date night, I’m bringing you, so we can have that cute picturesque kiss atop the ferris wheel, while surrounded by the night lights.” Sunghoon softly whispered into your ear, before whisking you away to another game.

The scene was reminiscent of your first carnival with him all those years ago, except instead of you having your sights set on a specific stuffed animal, instead Sohee had decided her grey bunny needed a friend, specifically a light brown bunny hanging up at one of the stalls. Watching him as Sohee was on your hip as you held her, allowing her to watch Sunghoon’s attempts at winning her the toy. It felt like what the scene all those years ago must have felt like, he watched as you struggled to win, only to win it for you, the only difference this time being that he was winning it for your daughter, not for yourself. Sohee clapped as Sunghoon finally won, only taking five attempts before he did the unthinkable, actually winning at the somewhat rigged carnival game. A smile was automatically upon your face, as Sunghoon took Sohee from you with ease, giving her the item of her desire, watching the small child’s face lighten up, before clinging to her father’s neck in joy. 

The day continued on until the early evening, once the salary men started to flood the carnival with their families and children, you decided it was best to end things then, rather than staying and possibly getting lost in the ever growing crowd. Starting to make your way out of the carnival grounds, your hand stayed clutched within his, as he carried Sohee. Sunghoon leads you through the crowds of people, making sure to ensure that the two of you never get separated at any point. Before long, the two of you were buckling Sohee into the car seat within Sunghoon’s car, he had bought one once he decided he was in it for life, once he decided the two of you were his forever, and he would never want that to change.

Before you knew it, Sunghoon was carrying a sleeping Sohee up to his apartment, making sure not to wake the sleeping child, before laying her onto his sofa and placing a blanket on her. Sitting in his lap, the two of you relaxed in the recliner, just watching your sweet little girl sleep. The two of you sat, silent, just completely enamored with the small child, knowing that no matter what might come, you had one another, you had each other, and that was all you needed. Soon, you felt his lips against yours, the kiss felt of nothing more than joy and love. As he pulled away attempting to kiss your forehead, you instead grabbed his face, moving it right back to where it was moments prior, kissing him this time.

Feeling your lips against his, Sunghoon could only feel the joy from the action, no matter how simple the motion may be, each time your lips met his it was like his heart was doing backflips, his soul was singing praises, and his brain was going into overdrive. “If you do that one more time I don’t think I’ll be able to control myself.” He muttered, once the two of you finally broke apart, earning a soft laugh from yourself, before you leaned up, reconnecting your lips to his once more. 

As your lips met his, you smiled into the kiss, feeling his arms finally wrapping around your waist, trying to erase any space that there was between the two of you. This time you were the first to separate the kiss, moving away from him, smiling as he responded by pecking your nose before pecking your forehead, causing another laugh to slip from your lips. “I think we both know what happened last time you couldn’t control yourself.” You jokingly said to him, eliciting a laugh from him this time.

“Hey, maybe she’d like a sibling,” Sunghoon was quick to add, his eyes casting over to where Sohee laid, sleeping peacefully on the sofa of Sunghoon’s apartment. With a soft laugh, your lips found themselves pressed against his once more, the slower this time, sweeter, the love easily flowing through the contact of your lips. “I guess I’m finally out of the dog house?” He softly asked, enjoying the joy that came from laying together with you, like all was right in the world, which all was, since you were his world.

Sitting up, you gave him a look of thought, thinking about his words, deciding whether he had actually earned the right to unlimited access to yourself and Sohee once more. “Thin ice.” You said after a moment. “But, I don’t think it’s gonna break any time soon.” You told him, knowing that he may have not fully earned your trust back, but he was as close to having fully earned it back as one could be, and you knew that he would not stop. He was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with you and your daughter, and you knew that he would not do anything to hurt you again.

Nodding his head, he simply pecked your forehead, pulling you against his chest once more. “I’ll take it.” He said, before kissing the top of your forehead. “And I’ll never stop proving it to you.” 

Laying against his chest, you felt his arms wrapping around you, feeling safe within his arms, you felt safe with him owning your heart, since he had worked to prove to you that it was the right move. A move you knew that you would not come to regret in the upcoming years, finally giving sweet little Sohee the family she deserved, and yourself the love that you deserved. 

[seungkwanslowqualityenglish]

Unfinished Melodies

✿ Synopsis: He was your greatest rival, but all things changed after being paired with him for a competition. Yet, all lovely things can’t stay, and you had to get away. Returning after three years apart, will old feelings return, or will hidden secrets destroy all before it has a chance to blossom once more. 

✿ Who: Park Sunghoon (Enhypen) x Female Pronoun Reader ✿ Word Count:  60,124 words ✿ Genre: Angst/Fluff ✿ Warnings: Explicit language, implied sex, pregnancy, child, grandparent death, parental death,  ✿ Request: No ✿ I’m back on my bullshit after my short hiatus turned into a 3 year hiatus. Request are open, my crops are plentiful, and my brain is working. This is an absolute mess, it would be longer but I got writers block and just had to finish it, it is also much longer than what I usually write, but enjoy.

The first memory you have of being a child is from the age of three, it was the image of you holding hands with your father, he skating backwards, getting you accustomed to the ice. The second memory occurs five minutes later, he lets your hands go, and you proceed to fall to the ice. Those memories repeated throughout your childhood, going from holding hands with your father as you skated along, clutching your coaches hands, knees kissing the ice as you fell, hands burning from the harsh cold, to finally skating on your own. If someone had asked you at the age of three what you thought you would be doing in ten, even fifteen years, in the future, you would not have answered figure skating.

You were nine when you first met Park Sunghoon, your coach called him a prodigy, and honestly, it made you jealous. It was always you that was called the prodigy before, you were the skilled one, and you were what the others wanted to achieve towards. The six years of skating experience you had on him seemed useless, as he took to the ice, quickly developing the same level you were at. By the age of eleven, he had even overtaken your rankings, leaving you as the second most skilled skater in your rink.

That was when you first started to hate him, you had the joy of not competing in the same competitions as him, but it did not stop others from constantly comparing the two of you. It was always, he got the turn on the first try, or he got gold as well but his score was higher, or if he keeps progressing the olympic team might be interested in him. It was like all of a sudden, everything your parents had been conditioning you for was no longer there. The silver platter life had been handed to you on, it had been ripped out and offered to another, someone others had deemed more talented and more worthy.

Maybe the feelings were mutual, but you did not like him, and he returned the feelings. From the age of thirteen it became known around the others just how much you disliked each other, going as far as rescheduling your practices so you would not have even be in the rink the same day. But, this did not stop the comments, the constant praises of his talent coming from your parents mouths, the constant flow of comparisons, and the constant detriment of your feelings of self worth. No longer were your parents focused on your performance, instead they were focused on what he did better, how you could be better like him, and how you could do better than him.

When high school started, it was like a switch flipped, neither of you were no longer in your awkward tween stages, starting to grow into teens. This was when the first big change happened, no longer were your competitions viewers only your family and friends, others started to show interest. The first competition you were in after high school started was odd, there was a whole fan section for a specific person, and honestly you hated it, the six extra years you had on him were useless, especially seeing how he had a growing section of fangirls each competition, compared to your meek group of friends and family. What hurt the most was seeing your friends start to move, gradually sitting closer and closer in the group of freshmen girls that came to support him, until they were in the group, no longer there to support you but instead here to support him.

That was when you broke, throwing your everything into skating. No longer did you spare time for your so-called friends, no longer did you have time for hobbies, and no longer did you have time for others. The next year was nothing but school and skating, at some points, it seemed as though you slept at the rink some nights. The work started to pay off, your already high scores started to go higher, but you were always just barely behind him still. Harsh words of comparison burned your eardrums, and it was always about one individual, Park Sunghoon, and how much better he was than you.

Sophomore year is where things started to change, as your coaches came up with what they felt was a great idea. No longer would you just compete in solo events, you would do pairs. Your coach claimed that the two of you would be better than the current people competing in pairs, and so you were more likely to take some wins home. The first time coach Kim mentioned it, you felt like it might be a good idea, after all there were some really good skaters at your rink. But, you should have known it would not be that easy, rather than being paired with one of the many others she trained, instead they claimed the best deserves to only work with the best. Had you known it would be him, you would have refused to do this, you would rather win silver or even bronze at the next competition than work with him. Yet, fighting was futile, as your coaches quickly told you your parents had given permission, meaning you two would be partners for the near future.

The first time working with him was a mess. Neither of you wanted to get close to one another, skating within five feet of each other was hard, let alone holding hands and doing lifts. Sunghoon stood there laughing as you failed to do a trick, not a care in the world as he watched you hit the ice, his laugh echoing as you started to get up. “I don’t know what is going on with you two, but figure it the fuck out, and get over it,” Coach Kim screamed across the rink, silence came from him immediately, watching with disproving eyes at the behavior in front of her. “You both have one week, if you can’t at least pretend to like each other by then, neither of you will be permitted to compete in any program, and you’ll be kissing those championship trophies and Olympic dreams goodbye.” Your coach yelled, storming out of the rink, the doors slamming loudly behind her. 

Once out of her presence, the two of you immediately separated, going to different sides of the rink, finally happy to be separated from one another. The joy was short lived, as another person entered the rink, this time it was not your coach, it was instead his. “Here. Now!” Coach Lee yelled, his patiences even lower than your coaches. He did not even wait for the both of you to get to where he stood, before he continued yelling, “Your school does not start back for two months, you two will be practicing every single day, so get over your feelings of superiority now, neither of you is better than the other, and when competing as a team, it’s not a fucking competition. You do some stupid shit on the ice and you not only embarrass yourself, you embarrass us, and if you think we are harsh on you now, just you try some bullshit during the competition, you’ll see just how harsh this training can be.” Lee screamed out, taking a breath before starting to talk at a normal volume. “I do not want to see either of you in this rink for the next 3 days, go do some team building stuff, become friends, at the least, become tolerable of one another. I want you two to come in on Friday like whole new people. Go to the arcade, go on a picnic, go to the beach, do whatever you young people do and at the least, tolerate each other. If you have this much awkward tension and anger towards each other while performing, the judges and audience will be able to tell, you won’t be able to work well together and you’ll get a low score. I want you both to go pack up, exchange numbers, go get dinner together, and plan what you are going to be doing the next few days together. Put aside whatever troubled past the two of you have, and turn over a new leaf, you are partners now, you are working together, and you both need to get over that. And I will find out if you don't spend time together, I will be talking to your parents. There is a carnival in town, you two could try that.” Coach Lee finished, clapping his hands loudly, dismissing the two skaters in his presence. 

Skating away to exit the ice, nearing the locker room, the only feeling you could feel was shame. The way you had been yelled at by not only your coach, but his coach, left you feeling like a punished child. Entering the locker room, a set was taken on the bench in front of the locker adorned with your name. Taking your skates off, they were thrown into the waiting gym bag, staring at the ceiling. It took all the power within your body to not scream in anger despite your brain telling you to do so. Nothing would be worse than this, not just having to work with him, but spend time outside of skating with him. Together skating was not happening, what did the coaches expect would happen if you two were alone together, you would suddenly become best friends. 

After taking a few calming breaths, it was time to change out of your skating clothing, while it was nice and chilly within the rink, you knew the moment you hit the doors outside you would be sweltering. Changing, you slipped your gym bag onto your shoulder, hoping that Sunghoon had forgotten all about the hanging out, so home would be the only place for you to be going. Sadly, the boy knew how scary his coach could be, and instead was waiting outside the locker room door, phone in hand. 

He handed his phone to you with no words, it already pulled up to the add contact page, typing your number quickly, you passed it back to him, not wanting to hold the cursed device for longer than necessary. With a vibration of the phone in your back pocket, it notified you that he had sent you a message, giving yourself his number. Starting to walk past him, towards the doors, it was not even ten steps in when he started to pass you. 

“Let’s go, I’ll drive.” Sunghoon coldly said to you, hiking his own bag further up on his shoulder, as he stepped past you, exiting the doors to the outside. Had he been watching, he would have seen the obvious look of disgust that fell upon your face.

Pushing the door open to exit, since he could not even be bothered to hold it open for the person who was only a few steps behind himself, you scoffed. “No thanks, I’ll just wait for my parents.” Like hell you would go somewhere with him, the whole spend time together thing, you will just lie and say you did. As the male started to speak, you were not paying attention, instead focusing on your phone which started to buzz, a couple messages from your parents. ‘The coaches let them know that you and Sunghoon would be hanging out tonight and that Sunghoon would bring you home’, of course you should have known they would actually notify your parents, with a groan, you turned to the tall boy in front of you. “Fine, let’s go.”

Sunghoon was not shocked that you were not listening, or that you interrupted him. Watching as you started off towards his car, he quickly started to walk over to it. “Yeah, let’s go.” He said, unlocking his car doors, throwing his bag into the backseat, before climbing into the driver’s seat. He was quick to buckle his seat belt, before starting the engine, the car coming to life at once. As he prepared to leave the parking lot, he could not think of where to go, turning to ask his guest, he knew that would be vain, since you were staring so intently at your phone, you probably would not answer him regardless. Pulling onto the road, he decided to just go to the first place that came to mind, a little diner he would go to with his boys all the time. 

Texting Karina, you lamented about your situation, the death of your joy from being forced to be in close proximity with your worst enemy. Even over text, you could tell Karina was laughing about the situation, joking that ‘you might be in the start of your enemies to lovers Wattpad era’. Despite her humorous text, you could not find the situation funny, you would be practicing with him daily, and then once school started you would be around all the time. Karina sent a reply saying ‘maybe this is the universe's way of telling you to get over the rivalry and kiss already’. 

Occupied with the phone in your hand, you did not realize Sunghoon had even left the parking lot, let alone arrived at a location until he started to clear his throat. Noticing the stopped car, and the boy in the process of leaving his car, you followed suit. Exiting the vehicle, you met him at the front of his car, following him into the small little diner. You had never been into this diner before, it just was not the kind of place your friend group would have hung out, but seeing how the waitresses reacted seeing Sunghoon, it was the type of place his friend group would hangout.

Getting seated, it only took minutes for you to have menus and drinks in front of you. After ordering something, the table was quiet as you sat waiting for your food to arrive, neither of you wanting to break the uncomfortable silence. You continued to message Karina, updating her on everything, her annoying text crying about how you were on a date with Sunghoon, despite your denial and claiming it is only business.

Sunghoon sat silently, not knowing what to say or how to start, but seeing you on your phone was a good place. “You could at least put your phone up and we can start to discuss what we need to do.” He said it came off a lot more scolding and cold than he planned, but he honestly did not care at this point. He just wanted to get this over with, so you could perform together, then hopefully never have to look each other in the face again. 

Scoffing, you texted Karina that you had to go, seeing her quickly replying with a comment about you two making out already, before putting it up. Looking at him, it felt odd, seeing him outside the rink, outside of the classroom. “We need to be able to get through this performance, just act like we don’t hate each other. As soon as we are done, we can go back to wishing we never had to be in the same room.” Sunghoon said, before extending a hand towards you, attempting to make some sort of agreement.

Extending your own hand, you shook his hand, before quickly dropping it. “We get through this performance, and then we go back to how we were before.” It was an easy agreement, since neither of you wanted to do this, but here you were. “We need to figure out what we are going to do for the rest of this week. However, they want us to spend time together, but that doesn’t mean we have to enjoy each other's presence.” 

As the conversation was flowing, the food that had been ordered arrived, starting to eat, you thought about what you could do. Before setting foot back into the skating rink, the two of you needed to be able to at least be able to tolerate each other’s presence. Just being around each other was half the struggle, you could not learn the routine and be expected to perform it, if the two of you fought every time you were within the vicinity of each other. Your thoughts however were interrupted by a voice.

“What if we go to that carnival they are having in town, like Coach Lee mentioned?” Sunghoon questioned, in between shoveling food into his mouth. “That way we aren’t alone, being around others might make this whole forced bonding somewhat better.” 

With a nod, you thought to yourself it might be the first good idea he’s ever had in his life. “Yeah, that would be okay. That way we can also go do other things if we start to fight, and I think it probably won’t be as dangerous as the rink could be if things get bad.” You said, the last part a murmur, before you continue to enjoy your own food.

As the two of you finished up eating, paying, and soon were back in his vehicle. Telling him your address, he quickly drove towards the side of town you lived on, going towards your house to drop you off. Exiting his vehicle, you thanked him, before running into your own house. After about twenty minutes you received a text from Sunghoon. He notified you that he made it home, and said to be ready at noon, since that was when he would be picking you up tomorrow for the carnival. 

The two of you continued to text after that, quickly eight at night turned into midnight, and before long two in the morning, and you had fallen asleep waiting for his reply. Waking around ten in the morning, you thought it was odd how easily the two of you were able to talk without being face to face. Granted, most of the conversation was little things like what your hobbies are, what music you like, what movies you like, and other interests of yours. As you readied yourself to take a shower, you thought for the first time, maybe working with him will not be as bad as you thought it would be. 

Getting dressed and having just finished drying and styling your hair, you heard a honk outside, followed by a vibration from your phone, notifying you of a text. Grabbing your phone and bag, you quickly made the way outside, seeing Sunghoon sitting in your driveway waiting for you. Quickly climbing into his car, you found yourself on the way to spend the day with him.. 

As he pulled into a small cafe, you exited his vehicle, following him inside as the two of you decided to eat lunch before going to the carnival. The conversation face to face was much more stunted than when you were texting, it was as though when texting you can imagine you are talking to someone else, but here face to face, you know it is just him. The two of you quickly finished your food and coffee, before resuming your trip to the carnival. 

Upon entering the carnival grounds, you were surprised it was not that busy, but then again, it was the middle of the day during the week, most people were still at work. “Let’s go on the rides before they start to get really busy?” Sunghoon’s voice caught your attention, nodding your head, you followed him with haste, as you neared the rides. 

Ride after ride, you were thankful that he suggested going on the rides first, since as the day went on, more and more people were arriving, queues turned from five minutes into thirty. As the two of you exited the last ride, you both wandered around the carnival grounds for a bit, taking in everything else there was to see. The extremely rigged carnival games caught your eye, while some obscene ridiculous fried food that consisted of something that should have not been battered and fried caught Sunghoon’s attention. “Let’s split up, and text when we are ready to leave?” You offered, watching as he quickly nodded, walking in an opposite direction from you.

Splitting up, you started to play a bottle toss game, attempting to knock down a stack of bottles that more than likely were either being held down with glue, or just too heavy for the small baseball to knock down. Eyeing the grey bunny hanging upon the vendor’s tent, you were determined to win, wanting nothing more than the small fuzzy animal to be your companion. Try after try, you failed, luckily no one else was waiting, so you just kept trying. It was the tenth time you had provided the vendor with your money, honestly, you had probably given him more than what the stuffed animal was worth at that point, when you decided to give up. Moving onto another game, hoping you would have more success.

Sunghoon watched from afar, eating his deep fried delicacy, as you stared starry eyed at the floppy eared grey bunny. He stifled a laugh watching as you failed to knock over even one single bottle, one failure turned into two, then five, then ten. He watched as you dejectedly walked away, seemingly giving up on obtaining the stuffed toy. Finishing his food, he made his way over towards the vendor, getting into line behind some other couples that were attempting the game. If you asked him what he was thinking, he would have said he did not know, why did he feel bad watching you fail repeatedly after seeing how badly you wanted the stuffed animal, why did he feel the need to win it for you now, why did his heart slightly ache watching you walk away sadly empty handed. As he got to the front of the queue, he paid for his turn, and he somehow managed to hit the stack of bottles just right, watching as the six bottles all tumbled at once. At that moment, even the vendor seemed shocked, muttering something about how the heat must have weakened the glue, but Sunghoon could care less, “The grey rabbit,” he quickly told the man, watching as the guy quickly grabbed it, handing it to him, before rushing him off so he could reset his game. By the time the rabbit was in hand, you had disappeared, off playing another game, leaving him stuck carrying the grey toy until he could find you again. 

Venturing off, you started to play other games, winning little rings and candy bars, but no one else had a grey stuffed rabbit, much to your displeasure. Stopping at a food vendor, you bought a treat, as you finished it, you decided the only thing left for you to do was try that bottle game again, and maybe you would have better luck. Walking all over the carnival grounds, you searched for that game again, it took a while to finally find it, having ended up on the total opposite side of the grounds from where it was. As you neared the game, you saw the worst sight, an empty spot right where the bunny had hung just prior, someone else had already won it. With a sigh, you pulled your phone out, sending a quick text to Sunghoon, asking if he was ready to go, with a quick reply of sure, you told him you would meet him by the front gates. As you walked towards the front gates, you decided you would just have to buy a stuffed rabbit yourself, it would not be as fun as winning one, but at least you would have one then.

Nearing the gates, Sunghoon had beaten you to the gates, of course he would however, with his long legs making two of your steps into one. As you neared him, he caught sight of you, an odd look in his eyes, a look you had never seen before. Finally standing besides him, you felt something being shoved at you, taking it with shock, you looked down. Within your hands was the grey rabbit, looking up at Sunghoon, you started to mutter, “What..what..” unable to make a coherent thought. 

Watching as Sunghoon ran his hand through his hair, he left out a sigh. “I saw you eyeing it, and you sucked at that game and it was pretty funny. But I felt kinda bad. I don’t want it. Just take it or I’ll throw it away.” He said, words taking no pauses, unsure of what to say, so he said everything. 

You were taken aback, first at how soft he sounded, but then how harsh. He just could not make up his mind to be rude or nice, but you simply nodded your head, holding the rabbit close to your chest. “Thank you.” Being the only words to slip through your lips. With a nod, you started to follow him back to his car, hearing one of the gate working fawning over such a cute teenage couple, while another woman complained to her boyfriend about why could he not be sweet like that and get her a stuffed prize; you wanted to correct them, but you were by his car when it finally hit you what they said. 

Climbing into his car, you decided he must have not heard what they said. Yet, as he started the car, he was thinking about it as well, having heard it. He started to leave the parking lot, fighting through the mass of traffic, people getting off work and bringing their families to enjoy a night at the carnival. As he drove you thought he would be taking you home, but instead he pulled into a familiar diner, the one he took you to yesterday. “Let’s eat dinner before we go home.” Was all he said, before exiting the car, leaving you to quickly follow him. 

The conversation this time flowed a lot better than it had this morning. You could only guess it was the result of spending roughly seven hours experiencing the joy and fun of a carnival with him, which had made you two closer. Discussing the rides and games you played, and finally deciding what to do tomorrow. Just deciding to have an easy day, go to the movies and maybe hang out at the park afterwards. 

The two of you finished eating dinner, to your surprise, Sunghoon quickly paid for it before you could pay for your own, leaving you shocked at his act, but that single act was a sign of the progress you two had made in just forty-eight hours. Climbing back in his car, staring at the road as he drove you home, you started to think maybe you never really hated him. Maybe it was just envy, envy that he was so much better at something you had trained so hard for your whole life, but it was not his fault he was naturally talented at it. As he parked in your driveway, you started to leave his vehicle, grabbing the rabbit, you turned to him, “I really enjoyed hanging out with you today.” You said to him quickly, before closing the door and making your way into your house, leaving him no chance to respond. 

Pulling away from your house, if you could read minds, then you would have known that he honestly felt the same. As you laid in your bed, the stuffed rabbit situated on your pillow, you finally pulled your phone from your back pocket. With all the fun you were having, you completely forgot to respond to Karina’s texts, and they were sure a mess when you finally read them. 

The first text she had sent you was a text asking if you were ‘spending time with your boyfriend today’, followed by roughly ten text of question marks, and a text saying ‘too busy making out with your boy to answer me’ followed by five crying faces. You quickly texted her back, ‘we had to hang out, remember’, ‘we did not make out’, and he is not my boyfriend’. After replying to those two, you scrolled to the rest of her messages, only to see a photo of the two of you taken at the carnival. The two of you were hand in hand, he was leading you from ride to ride, and the still was taken between two of the rides. She sent the picture along with twenty hearts of varying colors, saying ‘you and your boyfie’. Seeing the picture you immediately responded to it saying ‘who took this picture?’, and then once again repeating ‘he is not my boyfie’. 

As you were replying to all of Karina’s texts, you got one from Sunghoon, leaving her and her delusions, you replied to him. He said he got home, and then confirmed the details for tomorrow, telling you when he would pick you up, and for you to have a good night. It was odd, but you honestly felt at peace talking to him, it was better than you would have thought. As you finished replying to him, Karina replied to you, ‘i took the pic bestie you were too enamored with your lover boy to notice I was at the carnival as well’, then quickly texting ‘i was gonna come up to you but i didn’t want to ruin your date’. Laughing at her reply, you could not believe your luck, of course she would be there, despite you not telling her you would be at the carnival. ‘It wasn’t a date’ you replied before adding ‘and he’s not my lover boy.’ As you sent the text, Karina was quick to send another, ‘he might not be your lover boy yet but mark my words he will be’.

With that last text, you put your phone up, deciding it was enough Karina for tonight. Her and her delusions can live happily together on their own, since you were tired after your fun day. As you drifted in and out of sleep, your mind started to think about what Karina said, and then started considering that maybe it would not be that bad if it was true. Yet, only if you knew that what she said was not just all delusions that live in her head.

The next few days went great, going to the movies, going to the park, going to the carnival again, and just hanging out with him. After a few days, you two honestly were getting along together a lot better than you would have thought. Had someone asked you last week what you would do if Sunghoon and you were in a small car together, you would have probably said fight, but instead the truth was talk about random things and sing along to random songs on the radio.

 Before you knew it, it was time for you two to resume training, yet this time you two were ready. Throughout the prior week, the two of you had gotten used to each other’s company, you had become friends, and honestly the idea of skating with him did not seem as bad as you once thought. Starting to learn the program, the two of you quickly got the routine down, by the end of your first week you were just perfecting the routine. Even your coaches were shocked by the amount of growth the two of you had made during the week prior. 

Practice soon just became the two of you running through your routine a few times, before just playing around the skating rink the rest of the time. Your coaches thought it might take the whole two months before school started to get you two comfortable with skating together, and having the whole routine down. But, instead here you two were three weeks in with a perfect routine, and wasting other time doing various tricks, giving each other advice, and just having fun. 

The summer flew by, the two of you growing closer, even your coaches were confused as to what kind of relationship you had, both thinking you must be dating, due to how close you were. Your phone constantly was going off with text from Karina, her talking about your lover boy and giving you some oddly good advice coming from her, ‘if you don’t ask him out someone else will and you’ll miss your chance’. But, you did not know how he felt, since you had to skate with him, and you did not want to ruin the friendship you had forged throughout the past weeks. Yet, unbeknownst to you, he felt exactly the same.

Before you knew it, it was the last week before school started, and you had a competition to attend with your skating partner. As always, the routine went perfectly, each jump was executed perfectly, every lift was executed with ease. It was no surprise as the two of you received what were the highest scores of your skating careers, it showed you two were really meant to be pairs partners, even scoring higher than you ever did in singles. Despite having only been skating together for two months, the two of you easily took the gold, blowing all the other teams out of the water. The sheer amount of talent and passion was easily seen in your dancing, and you both played off each other’s energies so well. 

As the judge announced you as the winner, you quickly hugged Sunghoon, he returned the favor. For a fleeting moment, it seemed as though you thought he might try to kiss you, but that was quickly over, the two of you having to focus on accepting your trophies and medals. The happiness and joy was evident in the air, you would have never thought competing with instead of against Sunghoon would bring you so much joy. After the mandatory photos and congratulations of your competitors and the judges, the two of you found your way back towards the locker rooms of the rink you were in. 

You moved slightly as Sunghoon hit your hip with his own, gaining your attention with that cheeky movement. “You did good out there.” Was all that he said, before taking your hand in his own. You started to think of your own reply, but it never came out of your mouth. After taking your hand, Sunghoon had pulled you completely against his chest, his arm wrapping around your waist, before his head leaned down, quickly connecting his lips with yours.

Kissing Sunghoon felt like a fever dream, was it real, were you really kissing him, did he actually feel the same way you did. As you returned the kiss, bringing your empty hand up to wrap around his neck, pulling him closer, as if there was any gap of space between you two. Breaking apart only as you both started to feel the slight burn in your throat from the absence of air, he rested his forehead against yours, gazing up into his eyes, you knew it was true, he felt the same way. “You did good.” You simply said, as the two of you separated, needing to go get out of your skating outfits. At your comment, you saw Sunghoon raise his eyebrow, obviously taking your comment to mean something else, “I mean on the ice you loser.” was quickly added.

With a short laugh, and a final soft kiss to your forehead, Sunghoon paused at the door to the men’s locker room. “Sure you did.” Was all he said, the sarcastic tone dripping from his words, he definitely took your comment as a compliment, and he would have it no other way. With that, he gave you no chance to respond, instead entering the locker room, leaving you standing in the hall.

Entering your own locker room, you changed into your comfortable clothing. Throwing everything into your gym bag, you prepared to leave, it was like everything hit you all at once. What had happened this summer would have been something you would think was a nightmare, had you been told about a year ago. Sunghoon and you were now friends, skating in pairs, and possibly about to be something more than friends. Leaving the room, you saw Sunghoon standing there, without saying anything he took your hand, leading you out of the rink and to his car. 

As he placed your bags into the bag seat of his car, you texted your parents to let them know that Sunghoon would be bringing you home. Getting in as Sunghoon opened the door for you, with a sigh you then watched as he walked over to his own door, observing the male as he climbed in and started the car. The car ride to the diner was a comfortable silence, but during the whole ride, something was nagging at you, the idea of were you or were you not. Seeing how other than kissing you, he took no initiative to clarify what you two were, you decided to take it upon yourself. “What are we?” You asked, just as the car came to a stop, the diner in front of the car.

 “What do you want us to be?” Sunghoon asked, as he turned to look towards you. “Since I know what I want, but I don’t know if you feel the same.” 

Taking his hand, you started to play with his fingers as you stared into his eyes. “I think you know how I feel after earlier.” You reminded him. “And if you feel how I feel, then I want it just like you do.” Was all you said, before softly smiling at him.

Sunghoon simply took the hand that was playing with his fingers within his own hands, lifting it up his face, before softly kissing your hand. “Are you religious? Because you are the answer to all my prayers.” Was all he said, before lowering your hand, waiting for an answer.

Listening to his reply, you could not stop yourself from laughing. After seeing a cold Sunghoon for so long, it was odd to see a goofy pickup line using man in front of you. “Did you- Did you just use a pick up line on me?” You said in between your laughs.

As you started to laugh, Sunghoon did as well, laughter filled the car for a moment. It took a while for either of you to calm down enough to talk, and when he finally did, all he said was “Yes. Did it work?” 

With a short laugh, a nod of your head, you unbuckle your seatbelt. “You didn’t need to use a pickup like to get me. You’ve already got me.” As you told him that, you leaned across his car’s middle console, bringing him into another kiss. The hand that was not being held by him found its way into his hair, holding him as close as you could in his cramped space. 

For a moment, Sunghoon froze as your lips met his, before he quickly melted into the kiss. He released your hand that he held, one arm wrapping around your waist, pulling you against the console as much as he could, attempting to eliminate any space he could in between you, never wanting this to end. The two of you continued to kiss until the familiar feeling from before hit you, separating and leaning against each other’s foreheads, the both of you tried to catch your breaths. “I guess we can call this our first date.” Sunghoon said, once he felt able to talk again.

With a soft laugh, you looked up at him, “Usually you kiss after the date.” You notified him, before quickly placing another kiss on his lips, this time, pulling away before he could reciprocate. “Not before it.” You added, as you removed your hands from his hair, before leaning against the seat, still somewhat out of breath.

“Well, I guess we just did some things backwards,” Sunghoon replied, before he climbed out of the car. He quickly came to your side, opening the car door and helping you out. Hand in hand, the two of you entered the diner, the usual waitress that would serve you after your practices, noticing the two of you. A look in her eyes tells you that she had been waiting for this as well, it seems like everyone knew the two of you had feelings for one another, but each other. 

Before long Sunghoon was pulling into your driveway, this time walking you to your front door, instead of just staying in the vehicle and making sure you got inside. “I enjoyed tonight.” You told him, as he walked you hand in hand to the door. Once at your door, you wrapped your arms around him, pulling him into a hug. 

“I enjoyed it too, and it will be the first of many.” Sunghoon said, reciprocating the hug, before he kissed you once more. This time, it was a fleeting peck, he then kissed your forehead and tip of your nose before releasing you from the hug. “Have a good night.” He said, pulling back and raising his arm, your gym bag in his hand. 

Taking the bag, you turned to open the front door. “You too.” You said, before heading in, watching as he walked back to his car. Observing from the window by the front door, you watched him reenter his car, before backing up and driving away. After having the best skating performance of your life and a wonderful date with who at this time in your life, you feel is the love of your life. Telling your parents good night, you started towards your room. As you walk upstairs, you could hear your mother comment on the two of you. It seems even your parents felt the same way as the waitress, knowing the two of you would end up together. 

Entering your room, flopping on your bed, it took everything in you not to squeal in happiness, instead you kicked your feet for a moment, the joy overtaking your body, a happiness you have honestly never felt before. After a few minutes, you decided to share the news, quickly video calling Karina, knowing she would be awake and waiting for updates. It only took one ring for her to answer, and you immediately started to spill everything to her. “We won,” was the start, but she was at the competition, and she knew that already. “And he kinda kissed me and then took me on a date.”

Karina was not as calm as you, the scream she released was heard through your phone speaker. “WHAT! HE WHAT! FINALLY!” Karina started to scream. “It took you all this time to realize you liked each other, I thought we might have been entering our idiots in love slowburn era, it took you two months, TWO MONTHS!” She said, not even giving you a chance to respond, but you just let her get all her feelings out. “I told you that you were going to fall for him, I told you. He’s your boyfriend, I told you this would happen, oh my god, I’m like a fortune telling, I told the future.” Karina started going off on some tangent, but at some point you just quit listening, falling asleep while on video chat with her.

Waking up in the morning, it was odd to see a text from Sunghoon, it said ‘good morning beautiful’, and that made you realize it was not a dream, you did not dream up this elaborate thing, it was real, indeed very real. Texting him back, you two started to plan your day, where to hang out and what to do. With it being only a week until school started, your routine stayed the same, hanging out and going on dates, enjoying being around one another, as school officially started. Yet, this routine of being together did not even change in the years to come.

Meeting him officially the summer before sophomore year, learning there was more to him than just being better at skating than you, was the most life changing moment of your life. You never thought that the person you once viewed as your enemy would be the one you were holding hands with in the hall, sneaking kisses from when no one was looking, and enjoying dates after hard practices at the rink with. You never thought that you would be the target of the looks of envy and hatred from the girls infatuated by him, usually Karina and you would make fun of the girls. Yet, here you were the target of their hatred, the fact that you did something they could never achieve, made him fall in love with you. It felt so natural, no one would understand what you had to do like he did, and you were both thankful for it. 

Competing in pairs was something you had never thought of, but here you were three years into doing them, having taken nothing but golds with your handsome boyfriend by your side. Yet, as senior year was ending, things were starting to change. No longer was it talking about summer competitions, it was talking about college degrees and majors. Where did he want to go, where did you want to go, and oddly enough the surprise you both had when you found out you were accepted into the same school, Decelis University. 

Had you known everything would change in a moment, you would have savored those moments a bit more. Enjoyed the feeling of being in his arms for a moment longer, the warmth he somehow provided despite the cold of the ice skating rink, the way he lit a fire in your heart, a feeling you never wanted to let die out. If only you could have predicted the future, well the genuine truth was, if only you had been more careful, and then it would not have happened. 

Most people imagine their life in a realistic way, graduating high school, going to college, graduating college, getting a good job, getting married, and then starting a family. But life does not always work like that, sometimes the steps are out of order. Like when you two had your first kiss before your first date, that kind of out of order was cute and fun. But with it being only three months until you graduated high school, you realize you were doing things out of order as well, but this time it was not in the cute or fun way some people do. 

Nothing hurt you as much as that little pink plus sign staring up at you from the test within your hand. You did not want to admit to your parents your cycle had been late, instead telling your best friend Karina. She would never judge you, since she would be a hypocrite especially seeing how she had had her own scares, which is why you felt comfortable coming to her. Yet, with the positive test in hand, you wanted to do nothing more than rewind your life back twenty minutes, and never bring the topic up. Ignore it until it was too late and others could tell, yet, at that point he would have also been able to tell. 

“Hey, don’t worry, it might just be a false positive,” Karina’s voice said, trying to be helpful, “take another, or two more, that way we can be absolutely certain.” Wordlessly you allowed her to shove two boxes in your hands, before pushing you back into the bathroom.

Ten minutes later, there sat three tests, identical little pink plus signs on each of them. It did not take long for Karina to realize what was going on, as she heard a concealed sob from the other side of the door. She quickly entered, enveloping you in her arms, the scene in front of her was all she needed to see. No words were spoken, the only sounds within the bathroom being your sobs, as your best friend held you close, letting you cry into her shoulder while sitting uncomfortably on her bathroom floor. 

How long you cried, you were unsure of, just letting the tears fall until it felt like there were no more tears left to cry. Finally did you stand, resting your head on Karina’s shoulder as you spoke for the first time in a while, “What am I going to do?” Your voice was meek, weak, and soft, the consequences of all the crying you had just done. Luckily she did not reply, instead dragging you towards the comfort of her bed, allowing you to flop onto the pillow mattress, knowing the next conversation would be even worse.

Karina sat next to you, occasionally patting your head as she thought of what to say next. This was not the situation either of you thought you would be in, not at this point in your life, you still had three months of high school left, you had your college life, your career, your whole life ahead of you, but at the moment, it was all murky and uncertain. “You have to tell him,” was what she finally decided upon saying, “you aren’t alone, it’s his fault as well. You need to tell him.” 

It was in that moment that it finally hit you, not only was your future dangling in the balance, but now his future was as well. Shaking your head you finally sat up, looking Karina in the eyes as you took her hands. “He can not find out, I’ll figure out something, but please promise me you won’t say anything, especially not to him. Please you need to promise me that.” You started to plead, the desperation obvious in your voice. While this might ruin your dreams of olympic figure skating fame, you would not allow it to ruin his. 

A huff slipped from Karina’s lips before she nodded. “He’ll find out eventually, but I won’t tell him, but you will need to tell him soon.” She told you, unbeknownst to her, that you had already started formulating an idea of what to do within your head. Which within this plan, he does not find out, and you plan to keep it that way. After spending the day with Karina, the plan was already set within your head, you might ruin your own life, but you would not drag him down with you. 

The first stage of your plan was to let your parents know, which oddly enough was easier done than you expected. The anger and disappointment you expected from them was absent, instead they were disappointed in themselves, angered that you felt you could not come to them with this. It hurt watching your mother cry as you explained yourself, “I never want you to feel you can’t come to us with something,” your mother cried, as you watched your father try to awkwardly soothe the two of you. 

It was comforting knowing that they would support you the way you needed to be, be there for you and their future grandchild. While they disagreed with your idea to not tell Sunghoon, you were clear that your mind would not change, he had the potential to be the next olympic star, and you would not drag him down with you. It was with their help that you got the next stage of your plan completed.

The second stage of your plan was still going to be attempting college. Just because you were pregnant and going to be having a child, you were not going to let that define your future, you would go to college, get a degree, and get a good job for them. Yet, you had been accepted to your dream college, which was the same one Sunghoon had been accepted to as well, but luckily you had connections abroad. One call to your grandmother and she was clearing two rooms, while your parents helped you research universities in that area. Luckily you had not missed the application date for some of the universities that had your chosen major, quickly applying, and getting those acceptance emails. After high school graduation, you were leaving the country, going to live with your grandmother, and attending a university just twenty minutes from her house. 

The third stage was the hardest stage of all, you had to break his heart, break your own heart, and remove yourself from his life. Just months earlier you would have said Sunghoon was the love of your life, you had started to envision a life with him, both in the skating world and outside of it. It would be a lie if you said you had not thought about your future, the idea of your boyfriend becoming your husband, the two of you living the rest of your life happily together. But, this was reality, not some daydream, and things do not always work out in real life. 

You wanted to end things before graduation, but each and every time you could not. The way he looked in your eyes with nothing but love, causing you to stop in your tracks, instead just going along with what he had planned. The way he held your hand like you were the most precious thing in his life, caused your heart to break a little bit more each and every time you thought of what you had to do. Putting it off made it worse, and before long it was the day of high school graduation, and you had to do it that day, otherwise you might just leave him with no closure, and as much as it hurt, you could not do that. 

The happy photos and joy of graduation had ended two hours prior, and now here you sat, hand in hand on the hood of his car, still in the parking lot at the school, watching as people milled about, slowly leaving. “I need to tell you something,” you started, knowing it would only get harder the more you waited, “I’m moving.” 

Sunghoon nodded his head, without much thought, “Are you living in the dorms at Decelis or in the apartments off campus? I mean if it’s the apartments, we could always go in together, I wouldn’t mind getting out of my house, my little sister is getting to that annoying teenager stage and all afterall.” He was optimistic about the future, especially a future with you.

Shaking your head, you softly sighed, while you would love nothing more than that, it was just not in the cards for you. “No, Sunghoon, I’m moving, moving. Like leaving here, moving. I know we talked about Decelis, but I’ve been accepted near where my grandma lives. She needs my help, so I’m moving to be with her. I wish it didn’t have to be like this, I wish I could stay here, but I just can’t, she needs me more.” You said, once you started talking, it seemed like you needed to fill the void, coming up with things about your grandmother, lies at that. 

“And I just, I love you, but I think it would be best if we just broke up. We are going to be in different places, different time zones, around different people, and I just think it would be for the best. You can probably find someone way better than I am for you in college, and you can focus on your skating. I think it would be for the best.” Despite wanting to be brief, instead it was practically like you were unable to stop talking, everything coming out rushed, part of you hoping he at least heard you, so you did not have to repeat yourself. Since, if you had to say again, you might break down, and you were hoping to save that until you were at home and alone.

“What,” was the first thing from Sunghoon’s mouth, “what are you talking about, moving, grandma, breakup. We can make it work, we can do long distance, I have faith in us, we can make it. Don’t just say it so easily, we can do anything, I believe in us.” He said, as your words started to hit him. He thought he knew you like the back of his hand, but it seems like he did not. There were so many things he did not know about you, it shocked him. You were moving out of the country, you were leaving him, and you were breaking up with him. 

You refused to reply to him, instead just sitting in the uncomfortable silence, as what was said started to settle. He was the one to move from where you were seated first, wrenching his hands from yours, and getting off the hood of the car. Staying where you were for another moment, you wanted to relive those moments again, holding his hands and sharing soft kisses under the moonlight, before this uncomfortable tension set in. Moving, you stood up, making sure to stay on the opposite side of the car from where he stood. 

“Get in the car, I’ll take you home.” Was all Sunghoon said, a coldness audible from his words. He had dreamed of a future with you, being the it couple on campus, possibly going to the Olympics together, skating with one another for as long as time would allow. He was happy, and he thought you were as well, but all he can think is that sometimes people are wrong, and he was wrong for thinking you felt the same as he did. 

The ride home was silent, neither of you spoke, and despite how much it hurt, you just kept reminding yourself it was for the best. He can continue skating like nothing happened, he can move on to someone better, and you will move on with your life. Raise your child, your daughter according to what the latest ultrasound results claimed, and allow him to achieve what you know he can. It felt like time was passing extremely slowly as he drove to your house, minutes feeling like hours, and you hated it, no longer was the silence comfortable or enjoyable, it was cruel and it was cold. 

Not a word was spoken as he stopped in front of your house. It hurt as you heard his car’s engine revving, quickly driving off, before you had even approached the door of your house. Tears began to fall, knowing you had hurt him so badly he did not even care enough to make sure you got to your front door. Entering the house, the tears fell faster, what little strength you had holding them in failed as you reached your room. It only took minutes for your pillow to be soaked, the pain you felt in this moment, worse than any pain you felt before. But, you would deal with it for him, you would not bring him down with you.

Stage three of your plan was the hardest, and you felt that pain as you cried almost all night. The tears only stopped when you passed out, your body being unable to take crying anymore. When you awoke the next day, it was close to three in the afternoon, yet with how much you were crying, it made sense. You had broken up with him, not all you had to do was remove any trace of yourself from his life. Mostly, any remnants of yourself from your joint refuge of years, the skating rink. 

For the two years you were together, the skating rink was a safe haven, where you often would enjoy each other's presence and have dates. It was where you met, where you worked through all your problems, where you fell in love, and now it needed to just be an ice rink, instead of everything it was before. Luckily you knew his schedule, you knew he would not be there, and you knew more than likely he was home doing the same thing you had been last night, crying. 

Entering the rink you immediately went to the locker room, clearing out the space that held your belongings for the last fourteen years. You had spent that long doing what you love, and here it was coming to an end quicker than you would have ever thought. As you stared at things you removed from the locker, mostly photos of your performances, specifically of stills from Sunghoon and your pairs performances, you failed to hear the doors of the locker room opening. Coach Kim might have been harsh, but she was always there when you needed her. It would be a lie if you said it did not hurt when you told her you were quitting, telling her the same story you told Sunghoon, your grandma and going abroad. But Coach Kim had been there in your life longer than he had, and she knew it was more than just that. 

“He’s gonna find out one of these days and feel extremely betrayed that you kept this from him.” Coach Kim’s voice softly said, within the silent and almost empty locker room. You could lie all you want, but she knew what was going on, she knew why you were quitting, but what she could not understand was why you were hiding it from him. A laugh slipped from her lips, looking at your shocked face, mouth agape trying to create a response. “Don’t deny it dear, I could tell you were pregnant last month. Skating is a good workout and it helps keep a lot of the weight from being gained, but I could still see that little bump on your lower stomach. I know you are quitting to not tell him, but you need to tell him, I genuinely think he would stand by you and support you. That boy’s in love with you, he would do anything for you, anything for the both of you.” Coach Kim sat on one of the benches, patting the spot besides her, for you to join her.

Sitting by her, it took everything in you not to cry once again. “I just, I can’t.” you muttered, trailing off, murmuring some unintelligible things. Staring at the photos in your hands, you started to question yourself. Was this plan really for the best, was it really what you needed to do, was telling him the truth better? But, at this point it was too late, you already made all your plans, flights were booked, and you had ended this with him. 

Gazing at the photo in your hands, Coach Kim smiled, it was from your first performance with him. “You know why we paired you two up?” She asked, eyes looking from the photo to you. “When he first joined, he watched you skate, he thought it was cool, and he commented to Coach Lee that he thought you were really pretty. We always thought that you two might become friends on your own, but instead of friendship, you both just seemed to hate each other. So, we decided to pair you both together. We thought you might become friends, that the bad energy between you two would go away. We never would have guessed that the two of you would fall in love, but honestly, watching as you got close, we realized it was inevitable. He would stare at you like you had put the stars up in the night sky just for him. And you would stare at him up at him like he was the moon in your dark night sky. You two completed each other, neither Lee nor I had seen such genuine passion between a pair, since you were not only passionate about skating, but also about each other. A little bit too passionate at the wrong time if you ask me.” She said, her hand gently brushing your stomach as she said her last sentence. Glancing at her watch, she started to stand, offering you her hand, to help you stand as well. “Don’t let this be a goodbye, just let it be a bye for now. You will always be welcome here, even if I’m not your coach and you aren’t training anymore. Our doors will always be open for you, and my office is open if you need to talk, and you know my phone number.” She finished, before heading out, having to attend her next session.

As she left, you were left with all your thoughts once again, and despite the feelings of regret, you had to push on, it already had been done, and you needed to see it through. Quickly you shoved everything in your bag, wanting to get out of here before you broke down crying. It was more difficult than you thought it would be, but maybe that was just because of Coach Kim’s speech. Leaving the locker room, it hurt, knowing this would probably be the last time you were here. Going from being here almost daily for fourteen years, to not being here at all, and despite how much you went through in training, you would miss this place. 

Stage four of your plan started as you arrived home, starting to pack up everything you had for the trip. You were going to stay abroad for who knows how long, a year, two years, maybe the rest of your life. But for now, you just packed essentials, two suitcases, your parents telling you they can always send more in boxes if you need it, but part of you knew it would be useless. It would either be things that do not fit anymore or things you no longer need. It took about twelve hours for you to be satisfied with how you were leaving everything, your room not empty, but trivial things set aside to be donated, broken things set aside to be trashed, and what you felt would have value set aside to be kept. Yet, there was one thing you hid, not wanting to see it, but also not wanting to trash it. A singular box, it was deep purple with silver stripes, within it held every memory of your time with Sunghoon. It sat on the top of your closet shelf, above some boxes of blankets and quilts you were leaving here, wanting nothing that would remind you of him to go abroad with you, except for your memories and the growing child in your stomach.

You kept yourself locked in your house for the next three days, not wanting to chance running into Sunghoon, his sister, or his parents in town. The only person you saw that was not family within those days was Karina, as she tried to convince you to stay, tell him, and live happily ever after. But, as she stood alongside your parents watching you board the plane, she knew even her attempts were useless. Karina stood in your mom’s embrace, the two of them crying, as your father wished things could be different. But in twenty-six hours you would be in another country, at your grandmother's house, rebuilding your life there away from everything you ever knew, and away from the love of your life.

Living with your grandmother was great, she was a wonderful person, and despite her views of your teenage pregnancy, she would always support you and be there for you. The first year living with your grandmother was great, despite six months into it a third roommate being born, she was always willing to help and be there. When you decided to take a gap year instead of starting university straight away, she was supportive of you. When you decided to get a job to help pay for things, she was always willing to care for her great granddaughter. Despite her old age, she was always there and willing to help you, whenever needed. 

A year became two, and then three. Being in your sophomore year at university with a two year old daughter was not something you would have thought was in your future had someone asked you years ago. In high school you would have claimed skating in the Olympics, or skating in the Olympics with Sunghoon, depending what year you asked. But here you were, raising a two year old, attending school, working, and supporting your grandmother. A life that was a lot better than you would have initially thought. 

Yet, not all things stay happy, they say bad things happen in groups of three. Despite it being near the end of your sophomore year, a time that should be joyous, you completed two years of university, it was anything but. It took one bad fall for your grandmother to end up in the hospital, actually, it took one bad fall for your grandmother to not be leaving the hospital at all. The house you were living in was taken out by a fire, a lightning bolt hitting it at the wrong time, igniting a fire and taking the whole thing down, luckily you were not at home when it happened. It took one regular check up for your mom to call you with bad news, your dad had been diagnosed with cancer, and he did not have long left. Despite leaving back home so quickly, you were still too late. A three in the morning call told you the worst news, he had passed, his last words being that he loved your mother, you, and Sohee. 

Three horrible things, just one after another. This was how you ended up in talks with your mother, planning to move back home, back in with your mother, and finishing your university there. You were shocked when you applied to Decelis and they accepted a transfer, even offering some of the same benefits you had been offered before. Three years should be enough, you thought, he should not be there or in your classes. You should not have to be around him or worry about him, or so you thought. 

Karina was the only friend you stayed in touch with during your time abroad, knowing she was the only one that would not immediately tell anyone who asked why you left. So, it was not a surprise when you entered the terminal only to hear a shrill voice yelling out your name, along with your daughter’s name. 

“SOHEE!!!!” Karina yelled at the top of her lungs, grasping the small child in her arms, squeezing her with one arm, as she began squeezing you with the other. A short laugh left your lips, as a look of realization fell upon your daughter's face. “You are just so much cuter in real life, oh my gosh photos aren’t enough.” Karina squealed, starting to pick up the two year old, as your daughter started to realize the woman in front of her was her auntie she only saw in photos. “And look at you, oh my gosh, you look amazing, I’d never guess you produced this while looking like that.”

Allowing Karina to carry your daughter, you grabbed your luggage, following the two of them as you left the terminal. “It’s so odd being back home. I thought we’d stay until I graduated at least. But it was just like one thing after another, but I’m glad we’re back. She’ll finally get to bond with her auntie in a way that isn’t just through facetime now.” You said, poking Karina with your elbow at the last part. “I’ll finally be able to have some me time, since you’ll get to enjoy some auntie and Sohee time.”

“I’ll take all the auntie and Sohee time I can get, like look at this precious little angel, what’s the worst she’s gonna do, bite me.” Karina said, still absolutely enamored with the child she was carrying in her arms. Loading the Sohee into a car seat, she then came back to help you load the luggage into the back of the car. “She really does look like him though.” She muttered, watching as you sadly nodded.

Despite DNA being a fifty-fifty sort of deal, it seems your daughter got his looks, even having identical moles on her nose like he had. If she had short hair, people would probably think it was a baby photo of Sunghoon, and not your daughter. “Hey, she’s got my attitude though, so I think that’s a bit more of a problem than the fact she looks identical to him.” You replied, your voice starting to weaken as you ended your sentence. You carried her for ten months, just for her to come out looking like the person you were trying to forget, as if that was not some type of cosmic justice in some way.

Getting into the car, Karina drove to your parents house, the drive quiet, as Sohee had fallen asleep in the car seat. “Is it bad that I don’t want to wake her?” Karina softly asked you, as you arrived at your house, Sohee’s sleeping figure in the car seat looking akin to an angel, a drastic contrast from the usual rambunctious and energetic toddler she usually is. 

The flight was stressful for the toddler, you were just luckily she had been quiet during it. Instead of screaming and crying, she was being coddled and cuddled by a sweet elderly couple that sat in the seats across from you, allowing you to rest as Sohee got all the attention her little heart desired from all the people around on the plane. She was genuinely such a lovely sweet child, and you were grateful for that. Even as an infant she did not throw much of a fuss, she slept through the night with ease, cried sparingly, and honestly was more mannered than most children. Even now, in her aptly named terrible twos, she was just energetic and excitable, rather than throwing tantrums and screaming at the top of her lungs. The energy and joy from the flight had worn off, causing her to sleep so deeply, you were sure even the slamming car door would not wake her.

Shaking your head, you turned and looked at Karina, watching her still observing her niece’s angelic sleeping face. “It’s fine, just keep an eye on her and I’ll take our stuff in. She’s probably tired from the flight, afterall we were on that plane for over twenty hours.” Getting out of the car, you quickly started removing your luggage from the back of Karina’s car, transporting it to your parents house. A sigh of relief passed your lips as you took out your old house key, seeing it still worked to unlock the door, placing your bags just within the door, you made a mental note to take them to your room later. 

Returning to the car, you were greeted with a bright and smiling face, little Sohee trying her hardest to get out of the carseat. “She woke up on her own,” Karina quickly said, thinking you may have thought she had awakened her. Simply nodding your head, you helped the child out of the carseat. Upon her small shoes hitting the ground, she was off, running circles around the grass of your house’s front yard. Karina exited her car, locking the doors before following you towards your house. A laugh slipped past your lips as you watched her quickly scoop up the running toddler, carrying her into the house, before you entered behind them. 

Sohee quickly took to exploring the new environment, luckily your mother had baby proofed the house the moment she heard the two of you were returning. With that thought, you needed to call your mom soon, see how she was doing. You knew how she handled stress, throwing herself in work and not taking any breaks. Leaving Karina to watch Sohee, you entered your old bedroom, it looked the same as the day you left it. Your parents really did leave it just in case you needed to come back, the only thing they did during the three years was clean it, keeping a layer of dust from accumulating. 

Calling your mother’s number, you expected her to answer it immediately as she always did, but assuming she was so tied up in her work, it was not a surprise when it went to voicemail. “Hey mom, call me when you see this. I just wanted to check in, see how you are doing. Sohee and I arrived safely, Karina brought us home, and Sohee’s currently finding her way around the house. Please don’t work too much, come home as soon as work is over, no overtime today, we’re excited to see you. I love you.” Ending the call you stared at your phone, seeing no immediate reply, it hurt, but you knew her, and hopefully she would see the message. 

Using the time Karina was spending with Sohee, you started to bring your luggage to your room, unpacking quickly. You were happy to see a second bed in your bedroom, allowing both Sohee and you to have your own bed. As you shoved your clothing in the dresser and closet, something caught your eye, a purple box, and it took everything in you not to pull it down from where it sat. Tears almost came to your eyes, before the little voice just outside the doorway caught your attention, “Mommy,” being yelled by little Sohee. 

“Yes, sweetie.” You replied, leaving the closet and seeing your sweet child staring up at you with wide eyes, before she started looking around the room. “This is my old room, and this is where we will be staying from now.” You simply told her, leaning down, looking in her eyes. “You see that bed right there,” you started, pointing to the smaller bed near the bigger bed, “that one right there is your bed, it’s all your own.” At that, the toddler squealed, running towards the Hello Kitty sheets covered bed, jumping onto it with excitement, pulling the soft pink sheets around her small body.

You were lucky she was taking this change well, she adapted to the new environment quickly, much quicker than you had when you moved. It was not even a minute later, her little body was in slumber, all her energy and excitement from earlier drained, she was once again asleep. Closing the door quietly behind you, you left the room, going to find Karina. Upon seeing her, the girl was looking around, obviously for Sohee thinking she lost the child. “She’s sleeping again, all the running tired her out.” A laugh slipped past your lips, seeing the obvious look of relief upon Karina’s face, letting her know she did in fact not lose your daughter. 

After soothing her worries, you found your way back downstairs, sitting on the couch, as Karina took a seat next to you. As the two of you sat together, you started catching up. It was like no time had passed at all, the conversation flowed between the two of you without much effort, with just as much ease as it had before you left. The only time it stilled was when you went to check on Sohee, bringing her down into the living room once more, seeing her awake. You learned all about what Karina was doing, where she worked, her major, and how much longer she had until graduation.

While she had not taken a gap year as you had, she did however change majors after two years, causing a whole year of her classes to be useless. Despite how it set her back, you were happy you would not be alone going into your junior year, especially hearing as she said she was majoring in the same program as you were. While you were happy to hear that, you were sad to find out that you two were not taking the same classes, meaning you would have to make some new friends, or at least new acquaintances. 

The conversation flowed, the two of you watching the young child playing on the floor, and it was not long before you heard a door opening. Your mother had finally arrived, it was late, the sun had already set an hour before, your mother obviously had not listened to her voicemails, instead throwing herself into work as she always did when stressed. At the arrival of your mother, Karina took her leave, excusing herself to go home. 

Despite it being past sweet Sohee’s bedtime, you could not find it in yourself to take her to bed, instead allowing her to stay up to see her grandma in person for the first time in a while. One of your biggest regrets was your father not having much time with her, however, you would make sure your mother got to spend all the time she wanted with your daughter. You were unable to change the past, but you would make sure your mother did not have the same fate. As you thought of that, a singular string of words passed through your mind, what about Sohee’s father, does he not deserve the same courtesy. 

A look of confusion painted your mother’s face as Karina slipped past her, leaving, then upon seeing her girls in the living room. “When did you get home?” She asked, setting her stuff on the floor, rushing over to pull you into a hug, before scooping Sohee’s small figure off the floor.

“I guess you didn’t listen to your voicemails.” You simply said, returning the hug, watching as your daughter clung to her grandma, recognizing her from photos. “We arrived a bit after noon, Karina picked us up and stayed with us until you got here.” The image of your mother softly bouncing your daughter, as she ruffled the girl's long black hair was a sight you would not forget, while the pregnancy was unplanned, at least Sohee was not unwanted or unwelcome in this world. 

Your mother shook her head, she had not even thought about checking her phone, expecting nothing but the usual regards from old friends and well wishes. She was completely enamored with the small girl in her arms, the little toddler clinging to her neck, yawning, obviously tired. “Let’s put her down and then we can continue talking.” 

Nodding your head, you watched as your mother took Sohee to your bedroom, tucking her into her bed. “I love you. Mama, nana, Rina.” gently slipped past the toddlers lips as she was laid in the bed, quickly falling asleep the moment her head hit the pillow.

The talk with your mother was long overdue, you rarely had time to speak when you were away, with time zones and all. You learned before about what had happened just before coming back, how your father went from fine to deathly ill, apparently he had not been fine, and had actually just been hiding it from your mother, so the onset was not sudden it was just hidden. While talking, your mother promised to cut back on her overtime, to only work until the end of her day, not hours over. Which, after seeing how she reacted to seeing her granddaughter, you had no doubt she was being truthful, obviously wanting to spend more time with the toddler. 

Going to bed after talking with your mom, you felt comfortable, maybe it was the old reliable bed that you were laying in, or maybe it was just being back home, the surroundings being something you were accustomed to. But, either way, you felt comfortable, sleep came with ease. Despite the stress of starting at a new university, you were excited for what was to come, for both you and your daughter. 

The next month went by quickly, days spent between looking for a job, hanging out with Karina, and raising your daughter. Your mother was true to her word, actually cutting back her hours, going to part time, allowing her to be around the home more. Karina was always a help as well, willing to watch Sohee while you went to job interviews and got your information changed back to your home address. It was not long before it was just before school was to start, you had been luckily enough to avoid running into any of your former high school classmates, but you knew you would not be as lucky at university, since you knew at least a few would probably be in the same program as you, and all you could hope was that no one caught on, the last thing you needed was for word to get back to him.

Your first day of university was on a Monday, meaning Karina was baby sitting Sohee, seeing how she had Tuesday and Thursday classes, and you were on your way to class. Upon sitting in your first class, it felt more homely than your classes abroad did, no longer were classes full of over five hundred people, instead they were capped at fifty, which you were thankful for. As the class started to fill, not a singular face was recognizable, as it finally was full, you knew no one, and for that, you were thankful. 

This happiness continued until you were in your last class of the day, the other three having not a singular familiar name or face, but of course your luck was running too thin by the end of the day. Class started as normal, the teacher reading the classlist, marking those who were there and those who were not. It was going great until they read a certain name, “Sim Jaeyun,” the teacher, Mrs. Byun read aloud, to no comment. Hearing the name, you thought it must just be someone with the same name, that can happen, it is not rare. “Jake Sim? Sim Jaeyun?” The teacher repeated, “Has anyone seen him, or is he just running late?” 

Hearing the name, your blood ran cold, it was him, of course it had to be someone you knew, and worst of all Sunghoon’s best friend. As the teacher continued, you started planning how to drop the class. It was not required by your major, you had like three other classes you could pick from, but none of them worked with your schedule. You were almost lost in thought when the door opened, and walked no other than Jake himself. 

You watched as he apologized to the teacher, saying something about running late in his prior class, before taking one of the only available seats in the class. After he entered, you looked back down at your desk, staring at the blank sheet of paper your notebook was opened to.  Had you been looking up, you would have seen the look of realization that fell upon his face as his eyes caught your figure. After marking Jake as present, she continued with the class list, your name being called soon after. “Here.”

Upon seeing your face, Jake thought to himself how uncannily that person looked like you. But, it could not be you, since it had been three years since you left to another country. He would have heard if you were back, or at least assumed he would have. Yet, upon hearing the teacher call your name, and a familiar voice responding, he knew he was right. It had been three years, but he would never forget the face of the person who destroyed his best friend, broke his heart, and ruined his dreams. If you were sitting closer to him, you would have been able to see his phone screen, as he sent a simple message to a group chat consisting of three people, Heeseung, Jay, and Sunoo. The message only said ‘she’s back’.

It felt like class was going on forever since you realized who it was sitting two seats in front of you. The end of class could not come quick enough, and when it finally did, you quickly exited, evading an attempt to grab your arm. The fleeting feeling of a hand on your wrist let you know Jake tried to stop you, but you continued walking, escaping his grasp. He was probably going to try to threaten you to leave Sunghoon alone, but he had nothing to worry about, since you planned on never seeing his handsome face again, unless it was on the other side of the television screen, watching him as he skates his heart out, achieving his dreams, a dream you gave up on so many years ago.

This class was your last of the day, so you instead quickly went home, wanting nothing more than the adorable face of your little girl to distract you from what had happened today. Getting to Karina’s house, you soon found yourself seated on her sofa, watching Sohee play with some of the toys she had brought to show Aunt Rina this morning. 

It was as though Karina could tell something was off, maybe it was how you were sitting on edge, or how you were unable to relax into the sofa. “What happened today?” She softly asked, luckily Sohee was too caught up on her toys to pay attention to what the two of you were saying.

“Jake.” You simply replied. “He’s in one of my classes and I’m pretty sure he recognized me.” After saying that, all you could do was pull your legs up to your chest, wanting nothing more than to disappear after seeing a part of your past you had tried so hard to hide from. If he knew, you knew it would only be a matter of time before everyone else knew, Sunghoon knew. You just hoped that if he did find out, he would not approach you, the last thing you needed right now was to deal with those feelings. 

Even all these years later, you still loved him, Sunghoon was your first love, and according to how your heart felt, it planned to make him your last as well. While abroad, no guy ever made you feel the way Sunghoon did, no guy took your breath away like he did, no guy made butterflies flutter within your stomach like he did, no guy held a candle to him. No guy even got to take you out on a date, since those initial feelings were not there, your heart still holding onto its feelings for one specific man, Park Sunghoon. You were sure he would not give you the time of day now, after breaking his heart on a dime, leaving him with only forty-eight hours notice you were leaving, hiding what you have from him; you would not give yourself another chance if you were in his shoes, so why would he. Pushing those feelings aside, all you could think about was how he probably did exactly what you told him to. He found another girl, someone better, she was probably prettier than you, probably better at ice skating than you were, and probably was loved by him just as you once were. 

Tears slipped down your face without your knowledge, it was not until a soft hand was felt on your face, Karina wiping the stray tears away. “You still love him don’t you?” She softly questioned, being able to read you like a book. 

If it was not for your toddler playing away on the floor, you would have burst into tears, but you needed to remain strong for her, for your daughter. She did not need to see her mother like this, crying, especially crying over a man, especially when the man probably did not even love her anymore, especially when she knew the man did not love her any longer. It broke you to admit it, but you knew you would have to get over it some day, and the sooner the better. “I just, I don’t know what I’m feeling, like I shouldn’t, but I kinda do.” Was all that was said, before you decided to change the topic. “I just hope he doesn’t tell him,” you started, taking it back to the topic at hand, Jake, “What if he does? What if they find out about Sohee? I just, maybe I should just take another gap year.” You said, starting to ramble, and wondering why he was in a class for juniors anyways, since he should be a senior. 

“You could always tell him,” Karina started, before immediately deciding this was not the hill she would like to die on, “I’m sure he won’t, I mean, he might tell Sunghoon you are back around, but how would they find out about Sohee, no one knows except me, your mom, and you. I know he was close to your mom, but after you broke up, he stopped talking to her.” Karina moved, hugging you, rubbing your back, as she tried to sooth you. “Don’t take another gap year, just ignore him, what’s the worst thing that could happen, you have to do a class project with him? You do the project and go on with your day. You don’t have to talk to him about anything other than class work, you don’t have to befriend him or anything, and if he tries to start something, tell me and I’ll fight him.”

Karina always knew how to make you laugh, you only imagine her trying to fight the boy that had quite a bit of height on her, and knowing her, she would do it if you asked her to. “Professional. We have class together, it does not mean we need to be friends again or anything.” You mutter under your breath, nodding your head, before looking up at her. Deciding to finally return her hug, wrapping your arms around her, you squeezed her tightly before letting her go. “Thank you so much.” You mumbled against her shoulder.

After that day at Karina’s house, you decided to not let him bother you. The worst he could do is tell Sunghoon, then all you could do is ignore him, but it seems he did not tell him after all. The next day nothing happened, then the day after you had class with him again, but once again, nothing. You thought maybe he was no longer friends with him, but you also knew better than that. It just seems he had not told Sunghoon of your return, and for that you were thankful. 

Classes progressed as normal, until Friday, of course it was the end of the first week of classes, but it was not too early for a massive project, at least according to one of your professors. Most professors wait until you have had classes for a few weeks before throwing any big project on you, but not Mr. Yoon, he decided week one was the perfect week to start a project worth ten percent of your final grade. Luckily it was not due until week four, but still that left three weeks to get it done, or you would end up only being able to get a B in his class at best. 

Your group consisted of three people you only knew through your class, for which you were grateful, no one you knew from high school was in your group, which was wonderful. Jungwon, Sakura, and Sunoo were the people you had been assigned to. Staying for a bit after class, the four of you discussed when to meet up to work on it, and other miscellaneous things about your schooling. Jungwon was only a sophomore, but was allowed to take some advanced classes, something about him getting credits while in high school allowing him to be a bit advanced. Sakura was somewhat of a super junior, having changed her major three times, but she swore this time it would stick, no more changing for her, this was it. Sunoo was a junior like you were, oddly enough it seemed as though he already somewhat knew Jungwon, but you were not entirely sure. 

Leaving to return home to your daughter, your first thought was how oddly well the week went. You did not run into Sunghoon, you saw neither Jay nor Heeseung, two of his other friends, and Jake did not try to speak to you again after the first day, but also you sorta ran outta class everyday so he did not have the chance either. The thought that the semester might be great was the first thing you could think of, since the classes did not seem that bad, nor did your classmates. 

As you watched Sohee practically devour the food on her plate, your phone buzzed, the group chat that you had been added into for your group project. There was already a text from Jungwon asking when everyone wanted to meet, it was quickly decided that the four of you would meet up the next day at a cafe in town to work. Hopefully the coffee and pastries would help you get through the work quicker. As you four texted, you came up with a game plan of what to do. First, pick the topic of your research. Second, decide who was doing what. Third, create your presentation with your research.You laughed, reading as Sunoo replied to the three steps with a fourth. Fourth, turn in your amazing project and slay that grade. 

Looking up, you put your phone away, starting to clean up, before putting Sohee down. She had taken your starting school back a lot better than you expected. It was great that she was so adaptable, she had no problem staying with Karina or your mother as you worked and went to class. Gazing at her sleeping form, you decided you needed to take her out once you were a bit more stable in the school year, let her enjoy a trip to a fair or some sort of playplace, you knew she would enjoy that. 

Starting to prepare for bed yourself, you noticed your mother still was not home. It was odd, she had been so good about not working overtime. Shooting her a quick text message, you asked her ‘are you okay, working over time again, let me know when you get home’, not knowing whether she would see it or not. Finally settling down in bed, you fell asleep quickly, hoping that tomorrow would go as well as you hope it will.

Upon waking up, you saw a reply from your mother, but it did not say something you expected it to. Instead of her saying sorry she had to cover another shift, as she usually did, instead she explained she got recruited for a last minute business trip, she would be back in a week or so she claimed. Sighing, you realized you might have to cancel your group, your mom was usually off on Saturday’s, so you assumed she could watch Sohee. Karina worked on Saturday’s, so you knew you would be unable to get her to help you. 

It took you until you had finished fixing breakfast for Sohee and yourself to decide what you were going to do, instead of canceling, you sent a quick text to the group chat, ‘is it okay if I bring a guest? the sitter canceled and our backup isn’t available” Maybe it was wrong of you to not explicitly say it was your child, but honestly it was not anyone’s business whether this child was yours or not, for all they know it could be your sibling or just a friend’s child. Luckily they all quickly agreed, and after breakfast you spent the rest of the morning getting the two of you ready for working on your project. 

Packing your own bag, making sure you had your laptop and books, led to Sohee wanting her own bag to take. As you placed a small children’s book, your tablet, some headphones, and a small toy into the bag, she grabbed a random stuffed rabbit. Looking at the rabbit, you were confused as to where she had gotten it, staring at the flopping ears of the toy, it hit you. It was something Sunghoon had given you, the grey soft toy sent your mind into a trip down memory lane. It was what made your feelings towards him start to change in the first place. That first day spending time together, the two of you decided to visit the carnival that was in town, trying to become at least friendly. You played a game, trying to win the stuffed toy yourself, however you failed repeatedly. Unbeknownst to you, he had watched you fail over and over again, deciding to try his own luck once you moved onto another game. He won the game with ease, the grey rabbit being the prize he saw you eyeing before, and he quickly chose it as his prize. Giving it to you at the end of the night, claiming he won it and did not want it, he only admitted that he won it for you after you started dating, claiming he saw how much you sucked at the games and wanted to help you. How Sohee had found it, you were unsure, but upon seeing the purple box sitting on the floor of the closet, the blankets it was sitting on top of were gone, you knew your mother had placed it down there, probably giving Sohee the toy without a second thought. 

Watching as she hugged the rabbit tight, the small child nuzzling her face into the long ears of the rabbit, it reminded you of how you slept with it on your bed at night, how Sunghoon had sprayed it with his cologne, claiming he did it so it would smell like him. Hearing the soft murmurs of Sohee as she talked softly to her toy, you did not have the heart to take it from her, instead letting her enjoy the rabbit, thinking maybe one day you would tell her the toy was from her father. 

Glancing at your clock, you realized you needed to get going if you wanted to get to the cafe in time. Sohee was ready, just waiting for her backup, so quickly placing it on her, you grabbed your own, and the two of you started your walk to the cafe. The cafe was luckily just around the corner from your own house, so it took not even ten minutes of walking to get there, and you were hoping that the walking would sort of tire the toddler out so she would not be a distraction while you were working with your project group.

Upon entering the cafe, you were happy to see no one else there, being the first to arrive meant you were not late, and also that you were allowed to select a table away from all the others currently occupying the cafe. Taking the only table that would seat all five of you, you placed Sohee on a seat in the corner, getting her situated before looking at the menu. The only thought on your daughter's mind was the sweets however, her mumblings about the cookies and cupcakes. Letting her decide what she wanted, you quickly picked her up, going over to the counter, ordering yourself a coffee while getting her one of the large cookies she was staring at. 

Sitting back down, you hoped that it would keep her busy, so you could work. You started to get your books out, along with other things that were needed as you waited. Sakura was the first to arrive, quickly noticing you alongside the small child who would have been absolutely devouring her massive cookie had she not been in public. Sohee sat quietly, watching with her large brown eyes as Sakura sat on the other side of her, and started to fawn over her. A soft laugh left your lips, quickly telling Sakura her name, before you say the third member of your group enter, Jungwon. Not even a minute later, Sunoo arrived, in the middle of the other two members of your group talking and commenting on how adorable the small little girl sitting next to you was. 

Once you were all there, you started to get to work, the others pulling out their notebooks and all, while they started to order their own coffee, in preparation to get this work started. “We need to pick our topic first.” Jungwon announced, as he sipped his own drink, pausing for a second before he seemed to remember something. “Mr. Yoon gave me a list of topics, I know I have it here somewhere.” He commented, starting to search through his folder, you were lucky he seemed to take the position of leader of the group, seeming to fit into the role so naturally, there was no need to try to change who was leading the discussion. Jungwon easily took charge of the group, starting to outline everything that was needed for the assignment. 

As you all read the list of topics, you quickly decided upon one, granted after a few complaints from Sakura about how each topic was a psychology topic, like she forgot this was a psychology class. The three of you started to outline who would research what, compiling a list of what each of you would be doing. Getting everything set up on your laptop, you have a document and powerpoint prepared with each of them added, so they can do their own parts as they complete their work. Despite how you were all working fluidly and quickly together, quite a bit of time passed. By the time you realized it was a few hours later, sweet little Sohee had curled herself up in her seat, softly sleeping while clutching her stuffed toy. 

If you were not so caught up in working, you would have noticed the odd looks Sunoo was casting towards the small child ever so often. Sunoo did not attend the high school you did, so you did not know him, but he knew of you. It was his first year of university when he met Sunghoon, Jay, Jake, and Heeseung. Seeing how this happened after you left Korea, you had no idea who he was friends with, who he was closest with. 

Sunoo would not admit it, but something felt odd, the small child that accompanied you reminded him of someone, but who he could not place. He did not know anything about you other than what he had been told, the stories of you breaking Sunghoon’s heart like it was nothing, and then running away. The child felt familiar, like someone he had seen before, but he could not remember how or where he would have seen them. He was not often surrounded by children, just ignoring his thoughts, he passed it off as someone he must have seen on streets one day, but the thought would remain even after he tried to move his thoughts on. Where had he seen this child before, who was it the child reminded him of, and why. 

Working on the project was much easier than you had thought, luckily you were with three people that actually cared about their grades, they all pulling their own weight with the work, and wanting a good grade. As the sun started to set, you all realized you should probably stop here for now, having worked for quite a few hours together. You could continue your research and all at home, and hopefully get everything done before your due date, that way you would have less stress regarding the project. 

The four of you all decided to end it there, starting to pack up and leave. As the four of you started to exit, carrying a tired Sohee on your hip, you had started to walk back towards your house when Sunoo stopped you. “Did you not drive here?” He asked, watching as you were looking back down the sidewalk, the way you walked here. 

Nodding your head, you looked at him, “I only live about ten minutes away that way, we just walked.” Telling him that, you started to realize just how dark it was getting, maybe you should have driven here. You did not plan for the four of you to do so much work today, let alone stay so late. Despite the darkness, you still needed to get home, and while there were only sparse lamps, you were sure you could make it home completely fine.

Sunoo shook his head at your reply, it was far too dark for you to be walking home at this time, let alone with a child to care for. “Let me drive you home, it’s too late for you to walk home, especially with a child.” He said. Despite the fact Jay, Jake, and Heeseung had warned him to stay away from you, especially after what you did to Sunghoon, and how he felt the uncanny feeling that he had seen your child before, he was not going to let you walk alone in the dark by yourself. “I’m going that way anyways, I can just drop you off on the way. I don’t have a car seat, but I think it’s probably safer than walking home with her.” He added.

As much as you hated to admit it, it was true, the sun had set a lot faster than expected too, what was sparse daylight, now only five minutes later was nothing but moonlight. Nodding your head, you agreed with him, despite the fact that you did not know him very well, just from his looks and what you knew of him, you knew that the two of you would be safer riding with him than walking. “Thank you.” You said, agreeing, and walking alongside him to his car, loading Sohee into it, before getting into it yourself. The car ride was silent, you simply pointing out which house was yours, and him stopping there. “Thank you, have a good night.” You told him as you exited his car, taking Sohee with you as you walked towards your house, entering it, and going to your bedroom. After the eventful day the two of you had, it took only moments for both of you to be asleep. Sohee was already asleep before reaching home, but you fell asleep with ease. 

The next week went by with ease, work was not too difficult, you finished your part of your group project, and luckily to your surprise, Jake did not try to talk to you, even when you had to stay after class a bit late. Before you knew it, it was Saturday, and you decided to have a girls day. Inviting Karina to join you and Sohee at the cafe, earlier in the morning this time, that way you would not have to risk walking in the dark again. 

The three of you sat in the cafe, enjoying pastries and coffee. It was no surprise that little Sohee was going absolutely feral on the cake pop she had been given, what was once an orange fox was now nothing more than a pile of chocolate cake and orange color chocolate on a napkin, most the orange chocolate coloring the child’s face. Karina and you finished your own food before deciding it was time to clean the messy toddler, while she had done a good job of removing the chocolate from her face with napkins, there was still a little bit of orange residue left. Karina offered to take her, as you started to clear the table and get ready to leave. The two of you had told the child you would take her to the park, a reward for her wonderful behavior this prior week.

Watching as Karina took Sohee to the restroom to clean up, you started to get your things together, getting ready to leave. Had you been observing your surroundings, you would have seen a figure you wished to avoid. It was not until he sat at your table that you noticed him, Park Jongseong, also known as Jay. Looking up at him, you could not fathom why he would have made his way over to your table, you were not close with him in high school, and you sure were not close with him now. If you had the time to think, you would have quickly excused yourself, leaving him at the table alone. However, instead there you sat frozen, shocked that one of Sunghoon’s friends seemed to have the gall to actually talk to you, especially after how you left.

Jay had seen you long before you saw him, working in the cafe to gain some job experience, he just happened to be on shift when you entered with Karina. He was honestly glad he was in the back when you entered, since had you seen him, you probably would have left. He was surprised to see you, he heard the claims you were back, Jake saying you were in class and Sunoo being in your assigned project group for another class, but he did not believe it until he had seen you with his own eyes. 

What he did not expect to see with you was a small child. A small child that looked like someone had taken a childhood photo of Sunghoon, photoshopped a wig on it, and made the cheeks chubbier. Anyone that knew Sunghoon and his sister would probably mistake the small child for a third sibling, a much younger sibling, but nonetheless, the resemblance was uncanny. As he continued to clean, something hit him, you were gone for three years, you left abruptly, and now here you sit with a child that is probably close to three years old. The thought passed through his mind, and he tried to ignore it, it just could not be true, it could not. You would not have left Sunghoon like that, the two of you were in love, he would have stood alongside you, supported you through it all. 

A moral dilemma ran through his mind as he watched Karina, Sohee, and you. As Karina took Sohee to wash up, he finally decided to confront you on his suspicions. He sat across from you, and luckily he did not waste any time getting right to what he was wanting to say. “She’s Sunghoon’s isn’t she?” 

Looking at the man in front of you, you started to shake your head, wanting to deny it. You were terrified he would tell Sunghoon. The fear of everything you built crashing down loomed in your mind. You had spent years raising her on your own, she was yours, you did it to protect him, you did it for him. He could not have achieved his goals if he had a child and girlfriend at home, he would have had to pick, and you would not allow him to make that choice. He was probably training happily somewhere, his new girl by his side, he had to be happier than he was with you, he just had to be. 

Jay could tell you were shocked, of course you were, you had hidden this from everyone for what three years. He could only assume the only ones that knew the truth were Karina and your mother, two people that would never betray you. As he watched you struggle, one thought came to his mind, “Don’t lie. She looks identical to him, anyone would be able to tell.” was all that came out of his mouth.

At his words, you slowly nodded, feeling like you were back up against a wall, nowhere to go. You could deny it, but like Jay said, she was a carbon copy of him with long hair. It was like you had hit copy, paste, and print, with how much she looked like her father. A sigh left your lips, “She is,” was all you could say. The thoughts going through your head were unstoppable, moving at breakneck speed, thought after thought, panic set in. “Please don’t tell him. Act like you never saw us. He doesn’t need to know.” You started to plead to the man across from you, your words all jumbled together. At this point, the only thought on your mind was Sunghoon finding out and taking you from her, you could not lose her.

Shock was clear on Jay’s face as he heard you start to plead, a fear in your voice confused him, why would you fear Sunghoon finding out. He was the father after all, he deserved to know about his child, even if it was about two years too late for him to be finding out about himself having a child. Oddly, the fear in your voice stopped some of his thoughts, he was thinking of how to tell Sunghoon, how to break it to him why you left, but those thoughts stopped, since you should be the one to tell him. “I won’t,” he finally started, “but you need to tell him. This is obviously why you left to start with, and I think he deserves that closure. And if you don’t tell him, someone else will. You can’t deny how much she looks like him, someone will put the pieces together and tell him, if you don’t first.” 

Nodding your head, you watched as Jay’s face changed. He went from defensive, to softening, the boy you knew in high school appearing once again in front of you. “I know,” you knew you needed to tell him, but how was the question. “I just, I just don’t know how.” You softly muttered. You knew he deserved to know about Sohee, but how could you tell him, how would he react, and so many other thoughts plagued your mind. 

Jay nodded, seeing the panic in your eyes, the fear causing your voice to turn soft. He saw the person he knew in high school once more, the selfless person who would give anything for their friends, the person who always wanted the best for everyone. Grabbing a pen from his pocket, he quickly scribbled his number onto the receipt that sat on your table. Part of him was telling him not to, but the other part of him won, the part that wanted to help you, wanted to help Sunghoon, wanting his friend group to be whole again. “I need to get back to work, but you can always text me if you need to.” He told you, the familiar smile gracing his face, before he returned to work.

It was odd, you expected him to threaten to expose you, or tell you to stay away from Sunghoon, but instead he was willing to help you. Watching as he walked back behind the counter, you decided he was only willing to help you since he wanted you to tell Sunghoon about the child. As Karina sat back down at the table, you knew Jay was right, either you needed to tell him, or someone else would.

Despite how badly you did not want to tell Sunghoon, you knew that you needed to, either he would find out through you, or through someone else. You had kept this hidden from him for almost three years, but that was easy, you were living abroad, no one knew you, no one knew him, there was no one that could tell on you. Here, it was a risk, never knowing when you were going to run into an old classmate or one of his friends. 

Shoving his number into your bag, you finished putting all of your things into your backpack. Picking up Sohee, you watched as Karina grabbed her keys, getting ready to leave. As the three of you reached the door, you gave one quick glance towards Jay, before finally exiting the cafe. Buckling Sohee into her carseat, you decided to put that number to use later tonight, see what everyone has been up to since you left. While that probably is not the reason he gave you his number, you just felt as though you were not ready to approach the topic of how to tell Sunghoon yet. 

Arriving back at your house, you allowed Sohee to play by herself as you started to clean in the kitchen. Only minutes after leaving Sohee to play with Karina, Karina joined you in the kitchen. “What did Jongseong want?” she asked, getting quickly to the point.

You had hoped she did not see that Jay had been at your table, that she did not see him, or that she thought he was maybe just doing his job. With a sigh, you rested on the counter, staring at Karina, not knowing what to say. You could tell her the truth, or you could lie, and at the moment a lie seemed better than the truth. But as you thought of his words, a sob racked your body, looking at the counter, you had to will yourself to not cry at this moment. “He knows.” was all you said, the words being all that needed to be said. 

A gasp was heard from Karina, she was shocked, confused, and just astounded. “What! How?” She knew that no one knew about Sohee, and her first thought was that he had realized Sohee was your daughter, but unbeknownst to her, the truth was much worse. “Just because you had Sohee with you today doesn’t mean she’s your child, you could have said you were babysitting or something.” Karina started, thinking up lie after lie that you could have used to explain the child.

Shaking your head, it took everything to not slam your head against the counter, but you knew that would not help this problem, it would only bring you pain. Which, honestly at this point, you were in enough pain without having to add physical pain to that mix. “Karina, he knows she’s his.” You told her, watching as the look of realization shifted on her face, as what you said finally hit Karina full force. “She looks so much like him, I couldn’t lie my way out of that, what would I say? The only other person that someone could mistake her for would be Sunghoon’s own father, you and I both know good and well there would be no reason in hell why I’d have Sunghoon’s little sibling, and Jay being his best friend he’d know if Sunghoon had another sister.” 

Taking a deep breath, it helped to bring a calming effect over you. Not wanting to possibly alarm your daughter in the next room, you calmed yourself down, so as to not scream or yell. “He said he wouldn’t tell him,” you started, seeing Karina’s look shift from anger to confusion, why would Jay help you, why would he care. “I just don’t know what to do. He put forth a really good case for telling him, but I just, I can’t lose her too.” The anger you held had shifted into sadness, the biggest reason why you did not want him to know, made itself known. As tears started to fall down your cheeks, you started to softly sob. 

Everything you loved and treasured was lost when you saw that little pink plus sign on that test; your love of skating, your Olympic dreams, your future plans, and most of all, him. Sohee was all you had left of him, and if he took her, you would have nothing. While nothing in your life showed any evidence that given the opportunity he would take your daughter from you. But it did not keep your mind from creating outlandish scenarios. What if you told him, just for him to immediately file for custody, and be giving your daughter. What if you told him and he took her, so he could raise her with someone way better that he loves more than he ever loved you. What if you told him, and he just took her purely to hurt you like you hurt him. There were so many what ifs, that made you want to keep her existence all to yourself. But, at the same time, the ideas of what if someone else told him plagued your mind as well. What if someone else tells him and he takes her anyways. Either way, you saw no win in telling him or letting someone else tell him. But, you knew deep in your mind that he had to find out from you, not another.

Seeing you sobbing, Karina moved from where she stood, wrapping her arms around you. You cried into her shoulder, you were unsure of how long you cried, but you stopped as you heard soft footsteps wobbling into the kitchen. Karina separated from you, allowing you to take a moment to compose yourself, as she took Sohee back into the living room. At that moment, you decided you would textJay tonight once Karina leaves, you were not going to discuss what he probably wants to, but instead just to see how everyone you left was doing now.

The cleaning was finished, Karina had left hours ago, Sohee had eaten and bathed, and was now sleeping. It was only then you dug the number out of your bag, sending a quick text to the number, saying who it was. Jay was quick to respond with a confirmation that you had the right number. Staring at the phone, you wondered if you should even do this, maybe it would be best to block the number, delete it from your phone, and act like you never messaged him. But, you knew this would have to come sooner or later, and while you had the courage to do it, you would.

‘How has everyone been since I moved’, was all you messaged him, knowing that what was to come would break you, it would probably hurt you worse than it did all those years ago. ‘Heeseung graduated college and he works at the office downtown’, Jay responded to start with. Heeseung was someone you were not that close with, but you knew him, through Sunghoon of course. ‘What about the rest of you? In your senior years right?’ you replied back to him. He quickly replied notifying you they were ‘juniors actually’, which explained why Jake was in your class, but you were confused, they started college the year you left, they should be seniors, sending him a message back all you asked was ‘why’. For a moment you thought maybe Jay decided not to talk to you after all, since he did not reply, it was almost five minutes later when he replied. ‘I think the reason why would be a better conversation to have in person’, unsure how to respond to him, you just changed the conversation. Jay told you about his job, about Jake’s dog, and about what had happened to the three of them the past years, but not a word was said about Sunghoon. 

Texting with Jay only lasted for a few hours, you learned about what had been going on since you left. He told you of your former classmates who moved, former couples that broke up, classmates who got together, and who stayed around. Working at the cafe gave him an easy way to see all the drama and gossip, so if anything happened around, he knew it. Thanking him, you decided to end the conversation, saying you needed sleep to be ready to handle Sohee in the morning, and that maybe you could meet up, so he could tell you those things he did not want to over a text. At that response, all he replied with was ‘her name is Sohee’, and with that you fell asleep.

The next day happened like you had never met Jay the day prior, there was no barrage of text on your phone from Sunghoon or anyone else. It was obvious he was a man of his word, for at least this moment he was, and you could only hope he stayed that way. There was never a friendship between Jay and yourself, it was always a friend of your boyfriend type of relationship, since that is all he was to you. But, you just hoped he had enough morals to keep his word and not tell Sunghoon. 

As you rose from bed, Sohee was already up, the familiar grey bunny in her hands, playing with it silently, along with her other toys. The child was oddly up a bit too early for your liking, but you knew there was no use in getting her back in bed, instead choosing to just rise, and prepare for the day. Cooking breakfast for the child, part of your mind started to say it would be best to get the talk over with now, text Jay and find out why they were a grade behind. Within the confines of your mind, there was not an idea as to why they would have taken a gap year, and even if the Olympics were in Sunghoon’s cards, why would Jake and Jay have taken a gap year as well. 

Sohee quickly ate her food, wanting nothing more than to go back to playing, while you decided today is not the day. The conversation will be there another day, and today is not that day. This day would be a simple and easy day for yourself and your daughter, you felt it was needed. No stress, no drama, no work, no constantly being on the go. Just a simple day to bake together and watch her favorite movies, Sohee wanting nothing more than to watch Frozen and sing like Elsa, as any child her age would. 

That was exactly what your day was as well. No guests, no stress, and no drama. Just spending time with your daughter, having fun enjoying your time together. As you cleaned the flour off of the counter, the calling card of a child who had a little too much fun with the measuring cup, Sohee ran around your feet. “Do you wanna build a snowman,” She sung-screamed at the top of her lungs, the excitement the child held since you mentioned Elsa was insurmountable. 

“How about you get your princess dress?” You questioned the child, almost tripping over her, as you went to finish the last of the dishes as the treats the two of you baked continued to cool. A squeal was immediately heard, then only the sounds of feet rushing up the stairs. As you finished cleaning the kitchen, Sohee ran back into the kitchen, dressed in her Elsa dress with her long blonde wig, items that Karina insisted she needed after seeing the child’s reaction to the movie. Sohee was quick to attempt to help you, wanting to carry the plate and cups, but her little arms left her unable to reach them from where she stood. “Here, put that on the table in the living room okay,” you offered her the plastic plate, knowing the worst that could happen would be her cookies ending up on the floor. Watching as she wobbled off, you followed suit, drinks in hand, ready to watch both Frozen movies, and probably another Disney movie of the child’s choice, before it would be her bedtime. This was exactly what you did as well, Sohee proudly made it through both Frozen movies, but only halfway through Encanto before she was asleep on the sofa, marking the end to a perfect day. 

The next weeks were doldrum, classes passed as planned, and everything was as it should be. Within the space of your head, you had honestly forgotten about your conversation with Jay days ago. Things were going well, honestly, too well for your liking, but you were not one to question joy or when things passed with ease. But, all that changed during your last class on Friday. The concept of group projects should have dawned on you, but you had a secret hope that if there was one, you would select your own groups. However, of course, you were unable to select your own groups, and instead were assigned pairs. It took all the willpower within your brain to not sigh as the instructor called your name along with Jake’s. It was just your luck, out of everyone in the class, you were paired with the one singular person you would rather avoid.

It was nearing the end of the semester, you had been lucky to avoid having to deal with Jake at any point, but of course your luck had run out. Being paired with him to do the final project. Had it not been for the giant portion of your grade this project was worth, you would have contemplated just taking the zero. But with the project being worth thirty percent of your final grade, you knew that was not an option. You stayed after class, hoping that the project would go smoothly, the last thing you needed was any more problems than you already had. 

Seeing the bitter look on Jake’s face as he turned to face you, the idea of dropping this class four months ago popped back up, you had missed your chance, and if you had only taken it, this would not be happening. Getting up, you decided to make your way to him, seeing how the class was empty by this point, and it did not seem like he was going to make any effort. “Give me your number and I’ll text you so we can plan what to do.” You said, offering him your notebook, on an open page. 

He took it, and wrote his number, his facial expression changing none as he did so. It seemed like he was planning what to say, but you did not give him any chance, taking the notebook and running out the classroom before he could stop you. The project would be completed, you would remain professional, the class would be completed, and then you would never have to be around him again.

Wasting no time, as you made it home, after picking up Sohee from Karina’s, the text was sent. ‘When should we meet up to discuss the project?’, and luckily he replied quickly, ‘next monday after class’. And with that, the date was set, you were lucky it was a day that Karina would have Sohee. You trusted Jay, he knew for three months at this point, and had not told Sunghoon a thing, but Jake, you knew if he knew then Sunghoon would know within minutes. Jake was always much closer to Sunghoon than Jay was, they were each other's yes men, and secrets were never secrets long around one another.

As the weekend came and went, before you knew it, you were in your last class of the day, just waiting to start on the project with Jake. Entering the study room you had reserved and given Jake the directions to, you started to get your things out, prepare to get this over with. However, it seems the universe had other plans. “Surprised you came,” Jake said shortly, almost like he was trying to provoke you, however, all that happened was you ignoring his comment, unable to play the game he was so desiring.

Placing all your things on the table, you opened your laptop. “Let’s just get this work done,” you said, as you started to pull the textbooks and other various resources you had been given throughout the semester out. Despite the uncomfortable air, you just wanted to get your work done with, yet, as Jake scoffed, it seemed as though that might be impossible.

To your surprise, the two of you work together without much argument. Getting everything sorted out, who will do what, and what you are specifically doing. There were snarky comments thrown in throughout, mostly from his side, but you ignored them, trying to be the bigger person. It was working too, until Jake received a call, announcing he needed to leave. As you were packing up, he could not stop himself from trying to anger you once more.

“Sunghoon wants someone that actually cares for him to hangout with. Unlike you, some of us had to pick up the pieces and help him during the hardest time of his life.” Jake said, collecting all of his items from the table, packing them up. “But, you wouldn’t know anything about that, now would you, instead running out and leaving all the pieces. Disappearing when he needed you most. Running away and leaving him at the lowest point he has ever been.” With that, he left the room, leaving you in silence.  

Not a word slipped through the awestruck lips of yours, a breakup is bad, but you were sure it could not have been that bad. The worst time of his life, Jake to be exaggerating, there is no way things were that bad for him. Yet, as you eventually gathered your thoughts, thanks to the group that needed the room after you had knocked at the door, it was time you decided that conversation with Jay needed to happen. Leaving the room, you sent him a text, simply asking him ‘are you available tomorrow I think we need to talk’, with that text you could only assume he knew what you meant by talk, since all he replied was ‘when and where’.

Meeting up with Jay the next morning, the park was empty, given it was a school day so kids were in classes, and most people would not enjoy the park’s ambiance until the afternoon, it left it a great place to talk. Seated, you watched Sohee playing around on the playground equipment, distracting you as you waited for Jay to make his appearance. How long Jay was there, you were unsure of, instead all your thoughts were on your daughter, watching as she attempted to climb up a slide, having the time of her life playing on the playground alone. 

“She really does look just like him, doesn’t she.” Jay commented, finally sitting down next to you. If you could read his mind, you would know he was confused when you texted him, he thought that you had given up on finding out what happened that year you were gone. But, he was secretly happy you wanted to find out. He knew Sunghoon had not been the same since you left, despite all their attempts, he refused to move on, claiming you were his other half and without you he was not whole. It was a love Jay could admire, despite how foolish it seemed during the time he thought you left him for no reason, he must admit, he could even tell you still felt for your once lover. Jake would have banished Jay from the group chat if he knew what he was thinking, but seeing how the two of you were, he had hope that one day you may potentially be reunited. 

The sudden interruption from the welcome silence by Jay’s voice made you jump for a moment, before calming down enough to nod your head. “She really does, doesn't she? Ten months and she comes out looking nothing like me.” The comment slipped past your lips, but you knew it was not what you were here to discuss with him. “What happened that year?” You asked, voice soft, like it was something you should not be asking. Part of you did not want the answer, the way Jake reacted told you it was bad, but how bad was the real question.

A sign left Jay’s mouth, he rested his elbows on his knees as he ran his hands through his hair. “We took a gap year,” he initially said, almost unsure of how to explain what happened during that time, but he decided no matter how he explained it, so he instead just started with the reason why. “Sunghoon, he threw himself into skating when you left. He would enter the ice rink with the key he had and stay way past closing. There would be days he would spend eighteen hours skating and the other six was everything else. I guess trying to keep himself from feeling the pain, but he pushed himself too hard. He somehow managed to fall and hit the wall of the rink, somehow he was going so fast and fell at such a bad angle, he shattered his leg. It was about a month after you left, Jake and Heeseung and I were hanging out, his mom called us in tears from the hospital.” 

With a pause, you found yourself shocked, hearing what had happened, you knew that Jay had only started the story. Shifting your eyes between him and your daughter, you tried to keep up with what was coming out of his mouth, knowing that sadly the root of all of this was you. Despite promising to love him forever and be there for him, claiming to love and support him, you had done the worst thing of all, hurt him. 

“He was out for six months, not long in the scheme of things, but long enough for them to say he had no chance of the Olympics. But then they gave him the worst news of all, the way his leg was, he would probably never competitively skate again. We all took a gap year except for Heeseung. Jake and I were the only reasons Sunghoon kept going some days.” Jay told you, shifting his gaze from the ground to you. “I can’t tell you how many times he had called you, but you had his number blocked. How many times he cried out for you, he even called your mom at some points, but she even claimed you changed your number and she did not have it. At some point, it just all stopped, the crying, the pain, like he was numb. It was like he had given up, telling us to leave him and let him suffer alone. Jake and I, it took months to get him to just wake up in the morning before four in the afternoon. We had to enroll him into university without his knowledge or he probably wouldn’t have ever started.”

Listening to him, you nodded your head, but only one train of thought was on your mind at this point, “What about now? How is he now? Is he doing better?” The only thoughts that could plague your mind were involving him, how was he now, how is he today, is he doing better, did he finally move on, was he still in love with you like you were with him.

A sigh left Jay’s mouth of your question, as he stared at you, it was like he was reading right through you, like anything you had hidden he now knew and knew the answer to. “He couldn’t compete again, but instead of competing, he teaches, he helps them teach the children at the rink. He is doing what I think is the best he can do. He’s trying.” Jay said, glancing at his watch, seeing the time. Standing up, “I need to go, work. But I really think you need to talk with him.” At that, he started to walk away, saying one last thing under his breath, “I also still think he’s in love with you, since despite all these years he refuses to move on.”

Staring at Sohee as Jay walked off, you felt this tinge in your heart. You had caused him such pain, in your desire to not keep him from his dreams, you instead robbed him of his dreams. Sitting alone in the park, the tears started to fall, despite how badly you did not want them to. Not only had you taken his dream from him, but he was still in love with you, or at least Jay felt so, but you think he probably hoped you did not hear his last comment. It took you a few minutes to compost yourself, the tears drying as you heard Sohee make her way over to you. The child climbed onto the bench beside you, laying against your arm, and at the sight of her trying to nap, tired from all her playing, only one thought stayed in your head. At this moment he might still love you, but would he still love you after you reveal to him the reason you left three years ago, and introduce him to his daughter.

Getting back home from the park, you texted Jake to schedule a time to work on the project, you understood his hostility towards you now, but you still needed to do this work. Then, a text was sent to Karina, telling her everything you had learned, even though she herself did not know any of it, probably because they knew she would have told you had she known. Throughout the day, Jay’s words stuck in your head, how badly you hurt him, maybe leaving was a mistake, but at the time, you thought it was for the best. Yet, it seems maybe the best would have to do like Karina suggested all those years ago, be truthful and tell him everything. But, you could not take that back now, all you could do was think of what you might do in the future, and how you might tell him. 

The next day, you decided to work with Jake once again, hoping maybe things could go smoother this time, but you knew that was a lousy thought. Jake would probably try to provoke you once more, and blame you, and honestly, it was your fault, and you could not blame him for how he felt. Setting up the room once more as you waited for him, the idea of how to approach him on this topic was all you could think of. How do you start a conversation of why you left and broke his best friend's heart and caused him to break his leg and ruin his dreams? You can not just come out and say you left since you were pregnant, since Sunghoon would know within minutes of Jake knowing, and what could you say, sorry for leaving Sunghoon a mess but I was also a mess and thought leaving would help make him keep from being a mess. The thoughts however ended as Jake entered the room, the energy the same as it was two days prior.

Jake was not secretive with his dislike towards you, from the moment he entered the room, you could tell he was not happy to be around you, just as he was the day before. But you tried to work together, you attempted to get some of this work done. While attempting to wrap up what you were doing, so the two of you could leave, you decided to finally talk about the topic at hand. “I’m sorry for what happened.” You said, words failing you in that moment, still unsure of what to say.

A scoff was heard from the man in the room, he could not believe what he was hearing, “Sorry for what exactly? Breaking my best friend’s heart. Causing him to break his leg. Causing him to lose the only dream he’s ever had. Not being there when he needed you the most. Blocking his number and leaving him lost and confused as to what to do. Causing him to lose all will to live and enter a state that I only hope no one else ever has to experience a loved one in. You’re sorry for what exactly? You need to be a bit more clear, since there are a hell of a lot of things you’ve done to that man to be sorry for.” Jake started to rant, maybe it was how you just showed up three years later like nothing happened, or maybe it was the fact that you did not try to even take accountability for your actions, but he started to yell as he stood. “You have some fucking nerve showing up here after all this time like nothing has happened. You left him when he needed you most, you failed him, and you just showed back up like it was nothing to you. Did you just expect us to be happy to see you? Welcome you with open arms after spending the last three years trying to patch Sunghoon back together?”

At that, Jake took a breath, standing up, grabbing his backpack preparing to leave. “And you know what the worst fucking thing of all is. Three years we’ve spent helping him, making sure he is okay, and helping him through everything. Even after all those years, I think he still fucking loves you for some damn reason.We picked up the pieces and rebuilt him after you left him broken, and even now he refuses to try to move on, you really fucked him over.” Saying that, he started to walk towards the door, but not before stopping by where you stood on the way. Staring at you with such an angered look, you wanted to cower and hide, but you were instead frozen. “But, you better stay away from him, the last thing he needs in his life at this point is to know you are back around. He is getting better and starting to move on, the last thing he needs in his life right now is you.” With that, he hit your shoulder with his own, before exiting the door.

As the door closed behind him, you felt a wave of emotion, falling into the chair behind you. You started to cry, feeling even worse than you did yesterday when Jay told you what happened. All the feelings hit you at once, like a freight train, all the repressed emotions from the prior 3 years, taking over your heart, and you just felt everything. Time passed, you were unsure of how long you were crying, but a voice outside the door caught your attention. “Listen, someone else is crying about finals, I’m not the only one going through it,” An unknown male voice said, as two sets of footprints were heard passing the door, this resulted in knocking you from your thoughts. This was the time you decided to pack up and leave, going to collect Sohee from Karina, before ending up back home to no doubt cry even more.

After that encounter with Jake, you decided no longer would you work on the project with him in person. Instead, you resorted to emails and text only, this caused him to respond snarkily to you, but you honestly could care less, not wanting a repeat of what happened last time. The way Jake so easily tore you to pieces left you terrified, maybe he was right, you do not deserve to have Sunghoon in your life any longer, and you were foolish for the small part of your brain thinking you could come back and patch things up like nothing happened, since it was something, and that something was something that you had caused. 

After the confrontation with Jake, your life resorted to three things only, work, Sohee, and class. You found yourself not going out except for those three reasons, no longer were you feeling joy from how easily everything was being managed, no longer were you feeling confident of your decision to come back. Jake’s words hurt you more than he would ever know, he knew nothing about why you left, he knew absolutely nothing that was going on in your life, but his words cut you to the bone. Leaving for Sunghoon’s sake seemed to do everything you left to avoid. Rather than allowing him to easily achieve his dream without the thoughts of a child dragging him down, he found himself being unable to reach his goals. What was once both your dreams, was now nothing more than that, a dream neither of you were able to achieve. 

Luckily throughout your classes you were lucky to have formed a few new friends, the partners from your first group project quickly becoming actual friends. No longer did you only have Karina to rely on, but instead you had Jungwon, Sakura, and Sunoo; you even had Jay to an extent, despite the fact you were sure Jake knew nothing of the friendship forming between his worst enemy and two of his best friends. Had Jake known of the friendship between yourself, Jay, and Sunoo; you were sure he would have already tried to fight you, or Sunghoon would have already made himself known at this point. 

As the semester came to a close, you had luckily avoided seeing Sunghoon even once. While your luck was not great with Jake, it was with avoiding Sunghoon that your luck was wonderful, having not seen him even once. With that, you felt he probably did not even know you were in town, since it was not like Jake or Jay would tell him. After your final test, you were happy to know that for the next month and half it would just be Karina, yourself, Sohee, and Sakura. Almost two months of nothing but fun and joy before your university classes would start once more. 

The first Monday after classes ended your living room had four people sitting within it; Karina, Sakura, Sohee, and yourself. On the television Karina was playing a compilation video of the time you spent as a competitive skater, a video she for some reason had decided to put together with the idea of showing lovely little Sohee how talented her mother was once before. Sakura was even captivated watching the little you on the screen, how easily you flew around the rink, the ease at which you were doing axles and other tricks fascinated both Sohee and Sakura. Neither knew you were a professional figure skater, and it was obvious in their reactions that it was a shock. 

As the video continued, it shifted from videos of you skating solo as a child, to your solo programs as a teen; before it finally reached them, the videos of Sunghoon and you skating as a pair. Karina was quick to end the video, forgetting that she had included those scenes when she created the video all those years ago. Luckily Sohee had not caught sight of the man in the video, instead she was walking over to where you stood, enamored by what she had seen. “Mommy skate,” Sohee said, her little chubby finger pointing towards the television. With a nod, you picked her up, as she continued her train of thought. “Mommy take me skating?” The request was simple, and despite how long it has been since you were on the ice, you found yourself unable to deny your child her wish. Quickly the three of you agreed to go skating, allowing Sohee to experience her first time on the ice.

As Karina ran upstairs with Sohee to dress her into something warmer, Sakura joined you in the kitchen. She had seen the face of the man in the video, and she knew it had to be the father of Sohee, they looked too alike to deny it. “I’m guessing that was her father?” She was quick to ask, her arm finding it way around your shoulder, being a comforting presence. With a simple nod, Sakura had pulled you closer, allowing you to rest your head on her shoulder. “If it brings any comfort, I could tell through the video just how in love you two once were. If you can tell the chemistry through the grainy camera screen, I could only imagine how bad you two were when together.” She said, followed by a fake vomiting sound, it made you laugh, a feeling of joy associated with the one who still to this day owns your heart. It had been long since his mention brought you joy, but here Sakura was the one that was able to make you look back fondly on those days, how you would disgust all your friends with your public displays of affection, then tease them that they were just jealous they were single. 

The thoughts however ended as quickly as they started, as the pitter patter of small feet made their way down the stairs. “Ready.” Sohee yelled, once she found herself in the living room, starting to rush Sakura and yourself to your feet, as Karina was still running down the stairs to her. The mention of ice skating set a fire in the small girl, watching her excitement, you saw yourself, how excited you were when your father mentioned ice skating to you when you were the age Sohee is now. Honestly, you wished your parents were both here to witness this, your father would have loved having passed down his love of skating to his granddaughter, and your mother would have been filming Sohee’s first skate. Exiting the door with the girls in tow, you thought about your mother as you buckled Sohee into the carseat in your mother’s car. It had been about four months now since she left for a business trip, a week she claimed, but that business trip ended up in your mother being fully transferred to the location and being given a promotion. Despite how happy you were for her, finally getting the management position she had been aiming for with all her years of service to the company, you were hoping to be able to spend time with her at home, yet who were you to crash down on her dreams. You were just lucky that you now had a vehicle to drive, having collected her car from the airport, and a place to live, hoping that there would not be a repeat of your grandmother’s house in the future.

On the way to the skating rink, Sohee sat in the back chattering away to Sakura, telling her all about everything. By the end of the car ride, Sakura, Karina, and you were experts in what was happening in Sohee’s favorite children’s show and all the drama her little mind had created between Luna and Sunny, her two favorite stuffed animals. Upon arriving at the rink, it was like nothing had changed. Standing in front of the rink, it was like you had been teleported back to four years ago, leaving practice to join Sunghoon in his barely running car that had more problems than Karina had boy problems. Yet, only this time, there was no handsome boyfriend waiting in his rundown beater of a car for you, and there was a three year old grabbing your hand, trying to make you run with her towards the doors.

Entering the rink, it was like a trip to the past, seeing old trophies decorating the trophy boxes, old photos. Time stopped as you saw a photo you thought you had taken when you left. There it lay pinned to the wall behind the gold trophy, a photo of Sunghoon and yourself, after you had won your first pairs competition, a sheet of paper beside it congratulating the two of you, reading that the pairs routine had the highest score ever achieved from a pair trained in this rink. Just under that sheet was another, stating for the next two competitions they received the same score, a score that until this day, no other pair from this rink had been able to beat. 

As Sohee was enamored with the shiny trophies, you had not heard the person approaching, until you felt a familiar hand on your shoulder. Coach Kim had recognized you the moment you entered the rink, as she was viewing the security footage during this slow time of the day. “She looks just like the two of you.” Coach softly said under her breath, watching as the toddler bounced about, excited to start. With a simple nod, you found yourself almost crying as Coach Kim stared at you. “I bet she’s just as talented as the two of you were.” She said, before the three of you started to walk over towards the check in counter. As you reach towards your wallet, Kim is quick to shake her head. “It’s free, I don’t charge my favorite students.” 

With a nod, you helped Kim select an appropriate pair of skates for Sohee, assisting the child put her skates on. “She saw an old video of me skating, and immediately decided she needed to come try it for herself.” Passing Karina and Sakura skates in their size, you pulled out your old skates, honestly surprised to see they still fit. 

Coach Kim nodded her head, laughing as she watched the child try to balance on the skates. “We don’t have anyone scheduled until five, so you have a few hours. It’ll be nice to see you back on the ice.” With a nod, you stood, your hand quickly finding Sohee’s to lead her out to the ice. 

“We’ll try to be out by then, thank you Coach.” With that, you watched as Coach Kim simply smiled before going back into her office, allowing the four of you privacy within the skating rink. Reaching the ice, it was your first love, your second home, it was everything to you at one point, and honestly, still felt that way all these years later. While you were sure your skills had waned, they definitely were no longer what they once were, you could not resist the urge to dance the last solo routine you had learned. 

As you reached the ice, Karina was quick to grab Sohee, dragging her over to the seats for a moment. “Hey, let’s watch your mom skate first, how about that. You can see how pretty she is on the ice.” Once the three of them were seated, you found yourself easily finding peace in what was your last learned routine. The muscle memory coming to you immediately, not a thought was needed nor the music to the piece. You found some of the moves were no longer in your skills list, thanks to not skating for three years, but other than those few moves, you completed the routine, before finding your way in front of the three people viewing you. 

“Come on, join me on the ice.” You told the three of them, as you reached to grasp your daughter’s hands within your own. Karina was helping Sakura as you helped Sohee, soon the two of them were skating around without a second thought, Sohee was a natural, just as her parents were. Seeing the little girl trying to attempt tricks she witnessed from you moments ago, you were quick to grab her, keeping her from falling. “No, we don’t do that yet, just skate. Tricks come later, okay?” With a grumble, Sohee started skating again, the three of them raced, Karina and Sakura allowing the small girl to win, as she proclaimed she was the best skater ever. 

It was not long before an hour had passed, Karina and Sakura announcing they had to go, Karina was needed at work, while Sakura still had one final left to do. Leaving just your daughter and yourself within the rink alone. The two of you skated around, it was easy to lose yourself in it, finding the joy you felt all those years ago on the ice once more. This was your safe haven all those years ago, and part of you had the premonition that this would be your daughter’s safe haven as well one of these days. 

The ease of losing yourself in the ice, you failed to see how much time had passed, not only had the two of you spent most of the day here, but it was now five. You had not heard the door open, nor had you seen the male that gazed at you with shock. He had closed the door, going to the locker room to clear his thoughts, assuming he was seeing things. Once the door closed, he was gone just as quickly as your alarm had gone off. Quickly grabbing Sohee, you explained it was time to leave. As you were in the locker room, you noticed it was getting a bit busy, mostly children coming in to lace up their skates. Assuming it was time for a children’s skating class, you just wanted to leave before Sohee got any ideas of joining the class. Finally making your way through the crowd of children and parents, you were exiting the rink. Had you thought to look to your left, you would have seen the familiar male who has his eyes locked on you through the transparent glass on the side of the rink room. 

That day skating sparked a love within Sohee that reminded you of your own love of skating. She was quick to ask to return each and every day, sometimes asking to go multiple times a day. The child had found joy in what was her parents greatest joy, even if she only knew it was her mother’s greatest joy. Arriving at the rink extremely early every day, you started to teach your daughter how to skate, wanting to make sure you avoided any possible classes or anyone that knew Sunghoon, being at the rink when it opened seemed like the best choice. And honestly, it worked, throughout the winter break, not once did you see him or anyone that knew him. Sohee was not always the most happy, wanting to go skating later in the day, and some days complaining about waking up so early, but those complaints would fade once her feet hit the rink. The ice was a second home to your three year old just as it was you, and you felt joy watching her trying her best to skate as fast as she could, of everything to get from you, she may have not gotten your looks, but she definitely got your natural affinity for the ice.

Once classes started back, trips to the rink were a rarity, Sohee understood that luckily. It however, would not stop the child from asking to go to the rink when Aunt Rina or Aunt Kura were babysitting her, or even begging Uncle Won and Uncle Sunoo the one time you had to ask Jungwon and Sunoo to babysit her since both Karina and Sakura had the flu and with it being the first day of class, you could not just miss it. Luckily neither of them had class that day, and easily volunteered to watch their niece. You, however, were lucky to have such amazing friends that loved your daughter just as you did, sometimes you honestly felt that Sohee loved them more than she did you, especially Sunoo and his inability to say no to her until she would be on her twelfth cookie. 

As classes started, you were lucky to not see Jake within any of them, nor to see Sunghoon. You had a few with Sakura, Jungwon, and Sunoo once again, and one with Jay, but that was it. Classes started with ease, you were not thrown into a major group project in the middle of the first week or placed in a group to work throughout the semester with. With the end of the first week, everyone felt it was due to celebrate, Sohee only wanted one thing, and quickly swayed the votes in her favor. The problem of having an adorable daughter, was that her aunts and uncles would do anything to see her smile, even if that means embarrassing themselves on the ice skating rink since she wants nothing more than to go ice skating this weekend with all her family.

That was how on a Saturday morning, Jungwon, Sunoo, Karina, Sakura, Sohee, and yourself stood on the ice in the skating rink. Sohee was quick to start skating circles around Jungwon and Sunoo, yelling that it is easy to skate, as she watched them struggle. Jungwon and Sunoo had not known about your figure skating past, but Sohee was quick to tell them, blabbering on and on about how her mom was a professional figure skater, leading to curiosity and wonder from the two who had never joined you at the rink before. With a simple routine being completed, you found yourself explaining the history to them. “I started when I was three, but I quit at like nineteen, about three years ago.” With that, they understood, as the three year old girl in front of them, started to drag them from their seats back to the ice. 

The six of you skated for what felt like hours before leaving, had you been more observant you would have noticed a figure watching you from the transparent windows separating the rink from the lobby. The figure had a phone in hand, pictures being taken of the six of you, but specifically of Sunoo, Sohee, and yourself. The pictures were then quickly sent by the unknown male. Followed by three pointed text messages ‘did you know she was back in town?’, ‘Sunoo seems to be friends with her, what a great friend you have right?’, and lastly ‘might just be me, but doesn’t this child look a bit too familiar, wonder who her dad might be?’. 

Sunghoon’s phone beeped as he awoke from his sleep, he did not have children’s skating class until later that afternoon, so he felt no need to wake early. But someone else had other plans, as his phone started to beep and vibrate, one time after another, eight times in a row. Opening his phone, he was bombarded by photos and text from an unknown number, whoever it was seemed to know him, but he did not know them. The first two photos were of you, followed by his text about you being back in town. The next was a group photo, then a photo of Sunoo alone, followed by the text about Sunoo. Lastly, he saw it, a text about a child, then the photo of the child. Staring at the photo, he felt confusion, he felt lost, he did not know how to feel. The child in the photo could be explained simply by saying himself in a wig, but that is not possible. He does not have any children, stared at the text, taking it to assume they meant it was your children, but who could the father be. Not dwelling on that thought any longer, he was quick to respond to the text messages, ‘who are you?’ he asked, but received no reply, and as he tried to send the message once more, he was greeted with a ‘this user is no longer available at this number’ message, meaning whoever it was had blocked him. 

Sunghoon was quick to text the phone number to his group chat, asking everyone if they knew who it was. However, that was fruitless, as neither Jake, Jay, Sunoo, or Heeseung knew who the owner of the number was. Yet, with that out of the way, his emotions started to take over him. He quickly took screenshots of the messages, sending those along with the photos sent to him, to the group chat. ‘Who was going to fucking tell me that she was back in town?’ Sunghoon sent, after sending what had been sent to him. His anger grew as no one answered the message, ‘and you’re friends with her Sunoo?’. Yet, this was not the last message he sent, ‘and why does that child look so much like me?’. 

Jay was the only one to respond to his messages, well his last one at least, ‘I think you need to talk to her for that answer.’ Jake was quick to kick Sunoo out of the group chat, before Sunoo could reply or anything, texting nothing more than ‘that fucking traitor’. As Sunghoon replied to Jay’s message, ‘what do you mean talk to her? You knew about this and didn’t tell me?’ Yet, Jay had no chance to reply this time, as Jake kicked him from the group chat as well, ‘fucking traitors’ being the last message Jake sent, before Sunghoon muted the group chat, staring at his phone as he was lost, just confused as to what to do. Ignoring each and every message that popped up before he shut the screen off, Heeseung and Jake sent message after message concerned, but Sunghoon honestly did not care in the least. 

Everything started to hit him all at once. The love of his life had been back for who knows how long, meaning when he saw you at the rink the other day, it was reality, not just another figment of his imagination. Sunoo had become friends with you, despite knowing your past, everything Sunghoon went through, he still befriended you regardless of that. And lastly, the most important thing of all hit him, there was a child out there that looked way too much like him to be a coincidence, a child that you were apparently the mother of. Unable to stop himself, it was like Sunghoon’s brain was on autopilot, he got himself dressed, and soon was outside of your house, at least he hoped it was still your house. This was a trip he would take every day just years ago, he would take you out for treats and drive you home. Back then he had a barely functioning beater of a car, but despite the vehicle taking the trip changing, he never forgot the streets it took to make it to your house. Sunghoon never forget how your mom would peek out the windows to see him kissing you goodbye, he would never forgot how she actually squealed the first time, having to be physically picked up and carried away by your father, her excitement to seeing her child falling in love, and he will never forget how it felt to be the one that you were in love with.

Getting home, Sohee quickly fell asleep, the skating tiring her out. Once she was asleep, everyone else left, most off to their own homes to do the exact same thing. Watching a three year old was tiring, but chasing an overexcited and energetic three year old around an ice rink was next level tiring, especially for those who were not used to being on skates. As you tidied up around the house, everything was quiet, too quiet. Despite your immediate reaction to usually think something bad will happen when things are going too well, all you could think about was how everything was going well, unbeknownst to you that all of that would be crashing down around you soon enough.

The door was knocked upon, for a moment you thought it was Sohee rolling out of bed, but the knock came again. Going to the door, you should have immediately checked the peephole, but instead you failed to do so, just slinging the door open. You assumed it was one of your friends, probably Sakura realizing she had left her phone or something in your living room, as she often did when she was over. However, Sakura’s smiling face was not the one you saw upon opening the door. 

It was like time froze when you saw him again. It had been three years, but he looked even more handsome than he had all those years ago. He had grown into his features, features you once had the joy and pleasure of ghosting your fingertips over, as you laid soft kisses on the various moles around his face, before gracing his lips with what he desired so much. All these years, you had thought about the time you would see him again. But each and every time, it had you sitting in your recliner, he would be on your television screen, winning gold with a skating partner that was even prettier and better than you. Not, seeing him standing in front of you, especially not seeing him standing in front of you.

As he stared at you, he felt the butterflies again. They never faded, they would just come in and stay whenever he thought about you, but he was sure you no longer felt them after all these years. He stood unsure of what to say, he had not expected to be here again. In his mind the idea of knocking on your door, and then actually seeing you behind the door was only in his dreams. All those years ago when you left, he would knock on your door, just to be welcomed to the sight of your mom telling him you moved. With all the thoughts going on in his mind, he found himself unable to put a coherent thought together. It took a few moments before he finally blurted something out, which was not what he wanted to say, but it was all he could think at the moment. “Is she mine?” it slipped out so effortlessly, like he had been practicing it for days, not just for the five minutes he was sitting in his car preparing the strength to come approach your door. He watched as you did nothing but stare at him open-mouthed, he was unsure whether it was the shock of seeing him after five years, or the shock that he knew something you did not seem to want him to know. 

Hearing his question, you froze, you never expected this, you never wanted this. You thought maybe one day you would ease him into the idea, and there would be no way he would try to take her or anything. But, him showing up at your house, that meant way more than you would like to know. Your first thought being Jay, he had to tell Sunghoon, no one else in his inner circle knew about this other than one Park Jeongseong. Finally realizing you needed to respond to the man in front of you, shaking your head, you started to close the door. “I have no idea what you are talking about. I think you’re confused.” You rushed to say, attempting to slam the door. “I’m busy, I have things to do.”

Sunghoon had expected this: denial, lies, rejection. Just like how you left him all those years ago, nothing more than lies about your grandmother, leaving him in denial that you would give up on him that easily, and feeling nothing more than the rejection from you leaving. His hand quickly came up, stopping the door from closing, foot pushing it open the rest of the way as he moved to stand in the door frame. His body was standing so you could not close the door, since if it was attempted, it would simply hit him, and he would have pushed it back open. “Tell me the fucking truth,” He forcefully said, it taking everything in himself to not scream or yell. He had spent three years thinking you left him to enjoy the single life, moving to where your grandmother lived to have fun with those foreign boys, that would probably do much of anything to get with a foreigner girl. But, seeing these photos, the thought that maybe you left for other reasons plagued his mind. If you genuinely left due to being pregnant, why did you leave him, did you think he would have rejected you and his child. He knew the little girl in the photos he received had to be his, she looked identical to his own baby photos, like someone had photoshopped a wig onto his own baby photos. 

Quickly fishing his phone from his pocket, it was easily unlocked to the text messages the unknown person had sent him earlier. The only thing visible on the screen was the photo of Sohee. Raising the phone so that you were able to see what was being showcased on the screen, Sunghoon recognized the quick look of hurt flashed across your features as you stared at the picture on his phone screen. “Don’t fucking lie to me.” He said, his voice cracking as he said the word lie. Here he stood in front of you, in person, after all these years. After all the times he told himself he would never see you again. After all the times he cried himself to sleep after you abruptly left him brokenhearted. After all these years he willed himself not to cry in front of you, to save it for the purple pillowcase encased pillow laying on his bed, that even after all these years, he swears still smells faintly of your perfume. “She looks just like me, doesn’t she?” Sunghoon murmured, his voice barely above a whisper, eyes staring at the photo on his screen. 

Sunghoon would not lie, back when you were dating he often imagined a future together. He would think of asking your father for your hand in marriage, seeing you walking down the aisle in a poofy large white dress made of more fabric than should be humanly possible, and lastly the idea of having children of your own. In his mind however, all of your little girls would look just like you, while all your sons would look like him. Yet, as he stared at the photo in his hand, he was just dumbfounded. He found himself unable to comprehend why you would leave him to do this on your own, he was no expert on the female mind, but he assumed most women would want a supportive partner, rather than willingly choosing the idea of being a single parent. But, here you had not only hidden a pregnancy, you had moved to another country to hide the pregnancy, had the birth in another country, named and raised the child with no input from himself, and then moved back home without a single thought of notifying him that there was a human out there in the world that he had helped create. His first thought would be that he had been cheated on, since why else would someone do that, but seeing how there was no way to deny the resemblance between himself and the child, he knew that was not the answer. 

“Just tell me the truth,” Sunghoon muttered, tired of your silence at that point. He had been standing in your doorway for a good ten minutes, not a single reply had slipped past your lips during that time. Looking at the woman in front of him, he could not stop his heartstrings from tugging, feeling hurt as you stared at the ground dejectedly. From your reaction alone, he could sense you did not want to tell him why you wanted to hide this from him, even now as he stood in front of you there were no words being spoken, he had no idea, but he was not going to let this topic drop. “She’s mine, isn’t she?” He questioned once more, just wanting confirmation at this point. While he wanted words, he saw how your head nodded, defeated almost, like you did not want to give it up, but you had no choice at this point. "How long did you think you could hide that?" He immediately asked afterwards. “Did you not trust me? Did you not love me enough to want me to be in her life? Was I not good enough for you?” 

Each question slipping past his lips was like a dagger to your heart. Tell him the truth, well the truth is that he was the father of your now three year old daughter. How long did you think you could hide it from him, well your mind thought you would have kept it hidden a whole lot longer than just three years, honestly, if you had it your way, he would have never found out about her. Did you not trust him, you trusted him most of all, who you did not trust was yourself. Did you not love him enough, you loved him too much to try to burden him with this. Was he not good enough, as usual he had it backwards, you were the one that was not good enough for him. Despite all the thoughts filling your head, none of them came out, instead only one thing, a simple apology. “I’m sorry,” You muttered, unable to put any of your other thoughts into words. Despite the plethora of words filling your head, begging you to apologize to him, begging you to beg for him to love you once more, to tell him you never stopped loving him; none of those came out, despite how badly they wanted to. You said those words like they would suddenly help the situation, but you knew they would not, they were nothing more than useless at this point, words you were saying trying not to feel as bad as you did. The apology was not for him, but for yourself, thinking that maybe the words falling past your lips might make you feel better about this situation. But the honest truth, it made you feel worse, giving him an apology without any explanation, it was like giving someone an empty gift box, no thought or substance, just giving them what you thought they wanted. Yet, he wanted the truth, he wanted to know everything no matter how badly it hurt, but you knew the truth would not hurt him, it would only hurt you. All these years the truth you had hidden from him, from Sohee, in a way from yourself, would come to light, but internally you had hoped it would not be for more years. You hoped by the time it was exposed he would have moved on, you would have moved on, both too happy to disrupt what you had for the idea of what ifs and what could have been. 

Listening to you apologize in vain, a chill was sent through Sunghoon’s body, it was like ice was chilling his veins. The cold never bothered him usually, even as he stood outside, the gentle snow falling from the dark clouds above during the frigid January temperatures felt like nothing compared to the frozen feeling coursing through his veins. It was like everything froze, himself including, the words you were not speaking resounding much louder than what you did say. His heartbeat boomed within his eardrums, someone could have been screaming in his ear at that moment, and he would have heard nothing. Leaning against the doorframe, he willed his own legs to not give out under him. The photo, the child, your child, his child, he had a child, he had a child out there that he had no idea about. With that thought, his mind went blank, the doorframe being the only thing that supported him from completely falling to the ground in that moment. You had left him because of this, you broke his heart to hide this from him, you had been back who knows how long without even as much as a word to him. Watching as you moved, seemingly welcoming him into your home, out of the elements, safe from the falling snow all around. He moved inside without a word, almost like he was on autopilot. It was like his brain went back to all those days years ago, back in high school when the two of you were dating, and your evenings were spent cuddling on your sofa watching romance movies, attempting to ignore the giggles coming from your mother’s mouth as she spied on the two of you, muttering to your father about young love. Using all his strength to sit on the couch, trying his best not to collapse, despite how badly his body was wishing to give in. He allowed his phone to slip from his hands, falling to the carpeted floor under your coffee table, as he found himself burying his face within his hands. “I will never understand how you could do this.” He said, not even bothering to attempt to make eye contact with you. Emotionally and physically drained, he struggled to find what to say next. “I just, why would you hide this? Why would you hide her? Hide her from me?” Was all he said, before finally looking up at you, his heart breaking with each word. 

Standing across the room from him, this might be your house, but you found yourself unable to sit. How would you get comfortable knowing what was going on? Years were spent hiding this from him. You did it for his own good, had you not done it you thought he would have given up ice skating, but fate works in funny ways, since he ended up giving up regardless. “I thought I was protecting you,” You finally muttered, playing with your fingers, refusing to look where he sat. Despite how difficult this was on you, the thought of how difficult it was for him crossed your mind, he just found out he had a child of three years old with his ex. Life may be crumbling and falling for yourself, but his life has already crumbled and fallen; yours could be saved by the right actions, his concept of his own life was already burned and the only thing one could do was wait until the fire was dead, rebuild, and move on. “Sunghoon, you had so many dreams, the Olympics, and all, it was your life. I couldn’t be the reason it was taken away.” Finally putting part of your thoughts into words, you started to tell him. Speaking, your feet moved on the carpet unconsciously, before you knew it, you were standing in front of him. You sat down beside him, your body against the arm of the couch, providing as much distance from him as the small sofa would allow. “You were Olympics bound, and I wasn’t. You were always the better of the two of us, the natural talent. I knew if either of us had a chance it was you. And I knew if you knew about her, you wouldn’t go. Sunghoon, I know you, and I know you would have wanted to be there, you would have given up your hopes, given up your dreams for us, and I just couldn’t do that to you.” You told him, it was the most words you had spoken to him in almost three years. As you attempted to explain your thinking to him, you found yourself unable to stop the tears from slipping down your cheeks, they starting to come, as you spoke.

“It wasn’t just my dream. It was our dream. I thought we were in it together, we were a pair, and a pair means two not just one.” Sunghoon started, watching as the tears fell down your cheeks, he wanted to stop them, but instead clenched his fist in his lap, and despite how badly he wanted to caress your cheek and wipe your tears, it was no longer his duty to do that. Feeling the sharp edges of his nails eating into his hand, he eased his grip for a moment, trying to find an inner calm to keep his anger from getting worse. Three years prior, he would have never had thought he would feel such a surge of anger directed towards you. He was so in love with you, nothing more than a lovesick puppy, a toy on a string for you, he would have done anything for you. Now, he was struggling to believe you would do this, the way you so easily chose to exclude him from his own daughter’s life. The thought that he would have never known of the existence of the child had it not been for the text from the unknown number, the desire to unveil the identity of the unknown number faded, as the focus became on the child. “You thought you were protecting me. Why would leaving the country and not telling me about my own child be protecting me? You wouldn’t have been the reason anything was taken from me. Why would you think like that? I just, if given the choice, I would have always picked you, you were always my pick.” He said, still trying to grasp how you thought hiding this from him would protect him, how this had helped him. The choices that were made did nothing more than hurt him, in no way was he helped or soothed by actions you did. “I would have given up training in a heartbeat for you, for our child. The Olympics may have been a dream, but you were my reality, and I would have wanted to be there for you and her more than I wanted my dream.” He started to tell you, trailing off, not sure he wanted you to hear the last part of what he was saying. “You were my dream, getting married and having kids with you was my dream,” he whispered under his breath. Thoughts that you hopefully did not hear passed through his mind, as he remembered all the times he thought of your future, his future was always intertwined with yours, until that fateful day.

Hearing his words, you froze, the tears fell upon your cheeks even harder. Just having him say those words, you were his dream, it hit you in a way you hated. It was not the Olympics, it was not winning gold medals or breaking records, you were his dream. Since you discovered he injured himself shortly after you left, you felt that you had ruined his dreams, taking away his Olympic ambitions, robbing him of those gold medals. But the reality was that you had robbed him of his dreams before that, you had ruined his dreams, you had removed yourself from his life, taking away every last part of his dreams, since it was not the lofty Olympic podium that was his dream, it was being with you forever. Unable to reply to anything he said, you just tried to stop yourself from crying. The tears were already flowing, you just wanted them to stop at this point. Stop, so you could have a conversation with the man in front of you. But it seemed that would not happen any time soon, as they continued to fall down your cheeks.

Unwilling to wait until you responded to what he said, he just continued on talking, letting you know how he felt. “I have a three year old daughter in this world, and you hid her from me without a second thought. You did nothing but keep me from being in her life for three long years. Did you ever once think about her? Did you ever once think about what would be best for her, best for our daughter?” Sunghoon started to rant, any feelings of sorrow he had felt evaporated, instead being left with anger. “Did you ever once think that she might grow up and ask about her father? Did you ever think about what you could tell her? How would you explain why she only has a mom? Did you once think about how you would tell her about me? Would you have told her truth? Would you have told her that her father didn’t know she existed, because her mother decided to run off and run away the moment she found out she was pregnant? Would you have told her that the reason she doesn’t have a dad like all the other kids is because her mom never even told her dad that she was pregnant, that her mom ran away to another country to raise her alone rather than letting her have a father? What would you have told her when she starts to notice she doesn’t look like you? From that photo alone anyone that knows us can tell she’s mine, what would you have told her when people started pointing out that she doesn’t look like her mother?” He was practically barking his questions at you, idea after idea slipping past his lips. 

With each question he said, you felt your heart sinking deeper and deeper into your chest. You really had not thought this through. All those years ago, the only thought on your mind was making sure he could achieve his Olympic goals, but he so easily poked so many holes into the mind boat that was your thoughts on this situation. However, each question he said was right, it was something you had not even thought of. What would you have told her when she asked about her dad, how would you have explained everything to her, why she did not have a father; it was your fault she did not have a father after all. As those thoughts entered your mind, you could only envision your own daughter hating you, since you were the reason she did not have a father, you were the reason she only had a mother, it was your fault all along. You were not the heroic single mom raising her child alone since the father was absent, you were a single mother raising a child alone that never gave the father a chance to be a father. As that thought finally settled into your mind, you felt horrible, you had never given her a chance to have or be loved by her father, the idea that you were saving Sunghoon’s Olympic ambition felt stupid now, you had instead robbed him of the chance to see his child grow up, you had stolen away his chance to be a father. “I’m sorry,” you muttered, the tears getting worse, each word he said made you feel worse and worse. Everything you had done to protect him seemed to be for nothing, instead of protecting his future, you had ruined it, and robbed your daughter of some of her childhood as well. “I’m sorry,” was a murmur slipping past your lips, unable to speak anything else.

Sunghoon’s heartstrings began to pull as he watched your tears fall worse, his words making what were once silent tears turn into full out sobbing. He felt bad for a moment, watching you cry was something that was not on his list of needs or desires, he hurt seeing how you hurt, but he did nothing to soothe you or stop your tears. Full minutes passed of nothing but your sobbing your heart out, it was then he really felt horrible. What you had said, it finally hit him, and what he had said made him feel horrible. You had done what you thought was best, while you may have not been thinking during that time, you did what you thought was best for yourself and your daughter. While that decision was a wrong one and was stupid, at the time you felt it was your only decision, and here he was bringing up all the little things you never thought of. Almost ten minutes passed of crying, nothing but the broken sobs and slight shifts as you tried to wipe your tears and keep it from getting worse. It was only then that he broke, getting up from his spot on the sofa moving over to where you sat. His hand was broad on your back, he gently rubbed it, trying his best to sooth you. “You did what you thought was best at the time. At the time you thought going at it alone was the best thing to do, and you raised her the best you could.” He said, his hand naturally going to your hair, petting it as he once would. It felt so natural to him, and while you would not admit it, it felt natural to yourself as well. You had to stop yourself from leaning into his touch, your body reacting naturally to his touch, like he was made just for you. The thoughts of years gone by plagued your mind, how this was so natural to the both of you, it was like despite the time lost, it was as though your souls were never apart, still reaching for one another, desiring and craving the affection and attention of the other. “All we can do now is try to focus on now. You can’t take back your decision to leave and raise her alone, but you can change what happens between the two of you in the future.” He said, his heart felt lighter as your crying started to subside. Despite that, his mind yelled at him to hate you, to yell at you, to hurt you like you hurt him, but his heart knew you had been hurting just as he had, the hurt was just for a different reason. “If I can, I’d like to see her?” Sunghoon finally dropped onto you, fully removing himself from your body, his hands dropping from your back and hair, he instead picking up his previously discarded phone, deciding now is better than ever. He had no doubts the child in the photo was her, and she looked almost identical to him. 

It was odd, he soothing you, attempting to help you despite what you had done to him, what you had done to your daughter. His words were soothing, calming, relaxing. Your mind was confused, he should be yelling, he should be screaming, he should be threatening to sue, he should be doing so many other things than calmly soothing you and talking softly. As he asked the question you had been waiting for, it felt as though time stood still. Three years she had been your little secret, she knew nothing of her father and her father knew nothing of her, but here stood her father, wanting nothing more than to see her. Nodding slowly, you stood to your feet, moving almost like on autopilot, not a thought was in your mind as you walked through the house to your bedroom door, knowing Sohee slept on the other side. “She’s sleeping, or she was, so we need to be quiet,” you softly warned him, not wanting her to wake up and see him yet, knowing you needed time to acclimate her to the idea of another person, to the idea of her father. Watching as Sunghoon nodded his head, the door was soon open, revealing the sleeping toddler laying in her bed, the soft grey bunny she was so attached to still clutched in her tiny hands. 

A gasp was easily heard getting caught in Sunghoon’s throat, never in his life would he have imagined this feeling. A warmth felt in his chest, despite knowing nothing about her, he felt like he loved her, of course he did, he had helped to create her. Staring at the sleeping figure, it took everything in him to not cry. His heart wanted to weep as he gazed upon the tiny blanket covered figure. Meanwhile his mind was confused, wanting to weep alongside his heart, but at the same time wanting to scream and yell from the fact that he missed all those first. He never got to see her for the first time walking, hear her first words, hear her first giggle, see her as she entered the world for the first time. Despite the automatic feelings of love he felt towards her, he could not help but remind himself he was staring at a child he knew nothing about, for being a father, he did not feel like a father. As he watched her small face scrunch up as she shifted about, clutching her soft pink Hello Kitty blanket closer, he could not help but hope that you would allow him to stay, and that maybe with time those feelings would come, with time he should start feeling like a father, with time he would be her father. His gaze shifted from the sweet little face of the toddler to what she clutched in her hands as she slept, a familiar grey stuffed rabbit toy. It brought back memories from years ago, almost six years ago at this point, and he felt his heart swell with joy, that alone meant more to him than you would ever hear from him. The fact that you kept a stuffed animal he had given you so long ago and the fact that you gave it to your daughter gave him an odd sense of hope. Hope that the future might be bright, that your future together might be bright.

Closing the door gently behind him, the two of you returned to the living room, finding yourself seated on the chair once more, Sunghoon still in a daze from seeing his daughter for the first time in real life. Unable to think of much to say, you simply decided to tell him her name since you were unsure of what else to say to him. “I know you haven’t asked, but her name is Sohee.” You told him, watching as the daydreaming gaze over his eyes faded, being replaced by tearfilled eyes. As the name slipped past your lips, you hoped that he would not remember the day of discussing children’s names so many years ago, however, as he heard the name, his mind went back to that day. Casually talking amongst your friends, and joking about what you would name your future children; some saying random names of random items one might find around the house, however Sunghoon simply commented on a name he liked, Sohee, claiming he felt it was perfect for a little girl. 

Hearing the name, Sunghoon froze, the thought that you remembered that day when naming her hit him hard. The idea that you named her a name he claimed to want to name his future daughter, filled his heart with joy. Despite you leaving, he was still on your mind the whole time. He would have preferred you to be honest with him, to be truthful with him, so he could be there for her and yourself. He wished he could have been there when you had her, he should have been there, he should have held your hand as you struggled through everything, he should have been one of the first people to hold her after you, they were all memories that he would never get now, but he could only hope that you would allow him to make those memories now. “You named her Sohee.” He softly muttered, trying his best not to cry. With the flurry of emotions he had been overwhelmed with today, it took a lot for him to calm down so he did not cry. Within the span of about four hours he had gone through possibly every emotion known to man; denial, joy, sorrow, anger, grief, betrayal, pride, amusement, relief, love, contentment, disgust, and so many more. “I want to meet her properly, I’m her father and she deserves to know that, and I deserve to have a relationship with her.” Sunghoon started, as he kneeled down in front of where you sat, taking your own hands in his, forcing you to look at him as he spoke. “I know she probably knows nothing about me, but you can’t hide her from me anymore. She deserves to know who her father is. Even though I’m still pissed about this whole situation, we need to put our personal feelings aside for what is best for her.” He said, despite knowing he just saw her for the first time, he could feel his heart swell with joy as he gazed upon her cute features, wanting nothing more than to keep her happy and cared for. 

Hearing his words, you thought to yourself that everything you had believed he would do once he knew about her was wrong. With the confines of your mind prison you had convinced yourself that he would take her from you, he would sue you for custody, he would leave you without your child. Despite all these years, he still spoke to you gently with kindness, it reminded you of why you fell in love with him to start with. As he expressed his desire to get to know Sohee, to be her father, to let her know her father, a smile softly covered your features. “She has started talking about her father, she knows nothing as of right now. I didn’t want to explain everything to her this young, all she knows is her dad just isn’t around right now.” You told him, it was the truth, occasionally she brought up why characters in her shows had two parents while she only had one. Luckily at her young age, she could not fully understand why her familial situation was different from what she saw on television, all she knew is that her favorite cartoon characters had two parents, but she only had one. “I think she would like to meet you,” the sentence started but trailed off, unsure of what else to say. It took everything within you not to admit that you would like him to meet her officially as well, to start to form some form of relationship with her, to be the father she deserves. 

All the years of fear and worry were for naught, Sunghoon was not going to steal your daughter away, he was not going to rob you of your joy and child, he just wanted to be in her life. Letting your hands drop from his clutch, you could not stop yourself from thinking about how different things could have been if you made the choices your family and Karina wanted you to make so many years ago. Had you told him you were pregnant all those years ago, where would the three of you have been now? As the thought crossed your mind, you imagined telling him and him reacting with joy, the two of you had honestly thought you were endgame all those years ago, so it would only make sense he would react with such excitement. Sohee would have had the family she deserved, Sunghoon would have achieved his dreams, since as he said his dream was always being with you. The past three years in which you struggled to get by and raise her on your own, Sohee would have never had to go without since she would have had both parents to fall back on. Your parents would have easily stepped up to help, and you would like to imagine Sunghoon’s would have as well. It might be three years late, but the thought that Sohee would get that life, possibly getting two supportive and loving parents felt great, better late than never. Despite the joy you felt in your heart at his words, the darker part of your mind kept rising up, trying to convince you that this is just a ruse, a way to gain access to her and take her away permanently, like you feared he would so many times.

The sheer amount of joy Sunghoon felt towards the child felt odd, but he could finally understand what others say about a parent’s love. He might not know the child, but just knowing it was his, left him wanting to protect her and bring her joy. Had someone told him just a month ago that he would have a child, that he would be going through the process to meet her properly, he would have thought they were crazy. Having a child this young was never in his cards, but honestly falling in love with you all those years ago was never in his cards either, and after you left, the idea of the two of you finding each other again was not in those cards either. “I would love to be able to meet her officially. I know she’s not going to know who I am, but I want her to.” Sunghoon started, all he could think of was being the father his daughter deserved, someone that would be there for her, and he had three years to make up for now. He would not admit it, but deep within his heart, he wanted to be someone you deserved as well. Three years had passed, you had hidden a child from him, you had left him broken hearted, but the heart wants what it wants and even after all these years it still only wanted you.

Nodding as he spoke, you agreed with him. “I think it’ll take her a while to get used to it, after all she’s only had me for all these years, but I’m willing to try.” You explained to him, seeing the reaction on his face, thankful that he did not say what he was obviously thinking, probably something along the lines of saying and whose fault is that, when you mentioned her only having her mother for all those years. It was your fault, you would admit that, but you thought it was what was best at the time. “I think we need to create a schedule. Let you meet her a few times, allow her to get accustomed to who you are, before we really let her know exactly who you are.”

The words you said were met with a nod from Sunghoon, as badly as he wanted to do nothing more than immediately wake the child up and tell her that he was her dad, he knew that was not a good decision. Hearing the apprehension in your voice, he could tell you were torn in regards to this, he could only imagine what was going through your mind in that time, while he was experiencing joy and anger and regret, he could only imagine the fear in your mind. You had hidden her for three years, now he was here wanting to be in her life, it was only reasonable to expect you to have some fear in regards to your child. “Yeah, that’s fine, just message me, my number’s never changed.” He admitted, deciding it was finally time for him to leave, despite how badly he wanted to see his child again. Even after all these years, he never changed his phone number, in the hopes that he would get a message from you one day. “You’ve raised her alone for three years, but you don’t have to be alone anymore.” He told you, smiling as he saw a slight smile upon your face before he excused himself. 

It was already night by the time he left, the two of you spoke and cried for hours, despite wanting to be filled with anger and hatred towards you, all he felt was regret that you thought telling him of the pregnancy would ruin his dreams, and joy that you were willing to let him try to be there for the both of you. As he hit the road, he made his way back home with ease. The drive was one that just came back to him so easily, driving from your house to his, and it was not long before he was at his own house’s door. Entering his house, he finally decided to go into the group chat he had been ignoring for hours. It was a mess when he left, and was a mess when he returned. Heeseung had added Jay and Sunoo back into it, much to Jake’s ire. Sunoo had been forgiven by Jake it seems, especially after he reminded the other that he was not part of your whole high school drama, and knew nothing of this. Jay it seems was almost fighting for his life, explaining how he knew about the child for months, but chose not to share since it was not his spot to do so. Seeing the plethora of messages, Sunghoon simply sent one message before turning his phone off. A message that simply said ‘she’s mine’, causing everyone but Jay to set the group chat ablaze, as they freaked out in regards to the simple two word message. Yet, as Sunghoon turned his phone off the flurry of messages from Jake, Heeseung, and Sunoo would go unanswered until a later time. 

The next day the two of you quickly scheduled a meeting at the park. While it was winter, the middle of January at that, the day was oddly warm, and you decided to let your sweet child take advantage of the unusual warmth for the day. Sohee ran around the playground, going from the swings to the slide, having the time of her life. Being the only person on the playground just after noon on Sunday was fun to her, not having to wait to use anything or share with another, it was just like her own private event. Sunghoon sat in his car for almost ten minutes after arriving at the park, doing nothing but watching, observing the child as she played. For most people when they have a child they get to go through the whole thing, starting with holding a baby that can not even wrap its hand all the way around their parents finger, to starting to babble and crawl, before walking and talking and running, then starting school as they grow even older. He however, was missing the entire first part of that, skipping all the way to the children talking and running and about to start school. For a moment, he contemplated leaving, letting Sohee enjoy her day without having to worry about how she would react to him. But, as his phone buzzed with a text asking if he was on his way, he decided that he better go ahead and do it now. 

Exiting his car, the child paid him no mind. She was in her own little world, the playground taking each and every bit of her attention. He found himself sitting next to you, wordlessly just watching Sohee, as you were. “She’s very energetic, isn’t she?” He said, trying to fill the uncomfortable silence, not really knowing what else he should say. Watching as she went down the slide then immediately ran over to the jungle gym, climbing up it the best she could with her little legs and little arms. Watching as you nodded, not seeing a reason in responding, he still felt odd with the silence between the two of you. Once upon a time the silence would be comforting, the two of you would sit arm in arm in silence just satiated with each other’s presence, but those days are long gone. “Is it bad I’m terrified?” He finally said, getting out what had been on his mind this whole time, “What if she hates me?”

The inner turmoil was evident in Sunghoon’s face, but you felt it was not your position to isolate that problem and bring it up, after all this was your fault, his problems were all caused by you and your decisions. “She won’t hate you, she’s three, she still doesn’t understand the concept of hate,” was what was said, before deciding it was probably not the best thing to tell him, his fears seemed unfounded to you, but to him it was valid. “She won’t hate you, you can just tell her what you are comfortable with. We don’t have to immediately throw everything at her, you can just meet her today, letting her know everything else can wait till later.” Words which you hoped would soothe the situation, calm his nerves, which oddly they did.

Watching Sohee in silence continued for a few more minutes, it was almost ten minutes later when the child noticed her mother was not sitting alone. A scream left her lips before she ran over, the child scaring both yourself and Sunghoon, not expecting her to do that, but she was so shocked at seeing someone else in the park, she was unable to stop herself from doing so. Finally reaching where you sat, she wrapped her arms around your leg, hiding on the side of the bench opposite from Sunghoon. “We don’t scream like that Sohee, that’s not nice.” You told her, the looks she was giving Sunghoon quickly turned into pouty glances up at you, her little hands clutching at your pants leg tightly. “This is…” you trailed off, unsure how to introduce him to the child, but luckily he picked up where you left off, even after all these years he still had the gift to finish your sentences.

“A friend of your moms,” Sunghoon quickly said, watching as you removed Sohee’s hands from your pants, placing her in your lap. The look the child stared up at him shifted, no longer was it a look of fear or terror, it was a look of confusion. From that look alone, he questioned whether he had messed up, seeing how it seemed as though she thought it was odd her mom had another friend. The confusion gave him a glimpse into how you must have been living since you were back, keeping a small circle, so few friends that a new one set off red flags to your daughter. Smiling at the child, he tried to keep her from being scared anymore than she already was. 

Sohee knew everyone in her mom’s life, after all they were basically a buy one get one free deal, since she would never go anywhere without her little Sohee. So, having a stranger claiming he was her friend was odd to your little girl. She knew everyone in your life, and honestly Sunghoon was not part of that, so you could not blame her for being scared of the tall unknown male. If she was older she would have immediately recognized some of her own features that were present on this ‘friends’ face, but being a child, she only knew the tall raven haired stranger was nothing but that, a stranger. “Friend?” Sohee’s soft voice questioned, as you nodded your head, trying to get her to warm up to him a bit more. 

Hearing her voice, Sunghoon felt as though his heart was going to collapse, his heartbeat was elevated and it felt as though it was being squeezed. Despite how much the child was identical to him in looks, he could easily tell her voice and attitude were all yours. Seeing how she questioned the friend part, he nodded his head as well. Moving from where he sat, he kneeled on the ground, allowing himself to look at Sohee from eye level. “Yeah, I’m your mom’s friend. I’m Sunghoon.” He said to the child, offering her a soft smile, before reaching his hand out, letting the small child take his hand. As Sohee clutched his hand, he felt a warmth spreading throughout his chest, it might have been three years too late, but her small hand attempted to shake his, like she had seen adults in her life do. Sunghoon felt a feeling he had not felt within his chest in many years, the last time he felt it was when he confessed his feelings to you all those years ago. The pure feeling of love was all that consumed his heart, and he hated to admit it, but even those feelings from years ago remained somewhat, despite all his attempts to rid himself of them.

“Sunghoon?” Sohee muttered, trying the name out. You knew she had never heard of that name, you were careful to never mention him to her. It was once your worst fear, the idea that she would want to meet her dad and she would choose him over you, or he would steal her away from you. But, as you watched Sohee’s small hand clutching around two of Sunghoon’s fingers, her trying her best to shake his hand, you felt regret filling your heart, he should have been able to have all these months when she was born, not three years later like an afterthought. “Sunghoon.” Sohee said again, much more confidently, but as she said it, part of your heart wished she was saying something else to address the man that once, and honestly still did own your heart. Sohee was quick to fling herself into his arms, hugging him as she did with most of her friends. Watching as Sunghoon was taken aback by the child’s actions, it reminded you of the first time she officially met Sunoo and Jungwon in a setting that was not just working on a project, how she projected herself at them like a rocket, scaring Sunoo half the death and he feared dropping the child, and causing Jungwon to have to breakout his extremely quick reaction time to keep from dropping her. 

Sunghoon was surprised when Sohee launched herself into his arms, hugging him, as she did, he heard her softly muttering the words Sunghoon and friend. Hearing that, he wished it was another word she was saying, but he knew it was best to not completely throw that onto her too early. Wrapping his arms around her, he hugged her tight, feeling his heart swell with joy, the thought that the girl he was hugging in his arms was his daughter hit in full force, the thought that he helped create this beautiful life in his arms was all that filled his mind. Sunghoon released the child as she pulled back, jumping down before grabbing his hand, starting to tug him towards the playground.

“Friend play with me?” Sohee asked, starting to drag Sunghoon towards the playground, leaving you sitting on the bench watching the interaction. Sohee was always quick to make friends, and it warmed your heart as you watched her interacting with her father. Sunghoon stumbled along trying to keep up with the child while also bent over, you could tell he did not want to let his hand lose grip with her hand. Pulling your phone out, you watched as they started to play on the swings, Sohee was quick to tell Sunghoon how to push her on the swing and how high she wanted to go. Snapping some photos, you found yourself sending them to Sunghoon, along with Karina. 

Karina was the first person you told after Sunghoon left your house, she listened to you cry for hours about how he found out somehow. She simply calmed you down, telling you that he would have found out before long, and at least he knew now. As you sent the photos to her, all she replied with was a message saying ‘had you told him to start with, this would have more than likely been your life for the last three years’. The message hurt, you knew that Karina did not mean to harm you, but her words did. She was right, of course she was right, she was the one that advised you to tell him all those years ago, but instead you did not listen to her, instead thinking you knew best; which you sadly did not. Watching as Sohee giggled as Sunghoon pushed her higher, you knew that you made the wrong decision, you hurt both of them, and all you can do now is try to make things better.

This continued for hours, by the time Sunghoon was too tired to go on, the sun was low in the sky. Sohee was still as excited as ever, running circles around Sunghoon as he tried to keep up, watching her climbing up the slide with extreme speed before sliding back down. It was only when Sunghoon decided to sit that, that the two of you realized how late it was, deciding that it would be best to get Sohee home, and that you needed to meet up another day. Watching as Sohee hugged her friend goodbye, you could not help but softly smile at Sunghoon, watching as he hugged his daughter back. A scene that you could only hope would become more common, wanting it to occur more and more, hopefully a scene that would become a commonplace in your life, and his own.

Sohee was quick to fall asleep upon getting home, she barely had the energy to eat her dinner. However, you knew Sunghoon must be faring much worse, with how easily she dragged him around the playground with her. After she was asleep, plans were made with Sunghoon, the next week scheduling where and when to meet, before you yourself fell asleep. 

Waking up the next morning, the sight was one you never expected. The bed where Sohee had been the night before was empty, but as you heard giggling from the living room, you could only assume she had awoken early and immediately went to play. That thought was confirmed, as you entered the living room, Sohee already had her dolls spread out, playing with them, leaving you to make the decision to start on her breakfast. Simply having a day at home, you felt that it would be best to give Sunghoon a day to recover after being with her yesterday, so instead of meeting up today, it was decided you would meet up tomorrow. 

In the middle of fixing Sohee her breakfast you heard a slight giggling, followed by the shuffle of small feet. Thinking nothing of it, it was not until her soft voice spoke that you noticed she had something in her hand. “Mommy kiss Sunghoon?” She said, questioning, holding what seemed like a sheet of paper in her hand. Turning to her, you were confused, at no point did you ever tell her about your relationship with Sunghoon, keeping him as a friend, and that was all he was to her. But, seeing a familiar picture in the child’s hand, you found yourself remembering that day all those years ago.

Taking the photo out of Sohee’s hand, you saw the photo from your first pair program. The two of you had just won gold, you had been officially in a flirtationship for about two months at this time, and upon winning you could not stop yourself, kissing Sunghoon just after you left the ice. It was the night that you two became official, the night that officially started what would become your relationship. Taking the photo and placing it on the table, you said nothing about to her, instead deciding to get her to focus on something else. “Breakfast is almost ready, go wash your hands.” 

Unbeknownst to you, a small hand snatched the photo from the table the moment you turned back to focus on what you were cooking. Sohee went upstairs, putting the photo in her little backpack, before returning to the small purple and silver box she was looking through before going downstairs. She grabbed another photo, once again a photo of Sunghoon and yourself; the two of you cuddled up on the sofa, a picture your mother had taken on one of your many movie dates. Sohee washed her hands before returning downstairs, putting another picture on the table for you to see. 

Putting a plate in front of Sohee, you saw the photo she brought to the table, at that point, you had already forgotten about the other photo. Seeing the photo, you knew she was going through the box in your bedroom, you decided to immediately put it up on a shelf she can not reach, the next time you went into your bedroom. Breakfast went without a hitch, and soon you were in your bedroom, taking the box and placing it back onto the top shelf where it belonged. The box of memories away from your thoughts, and away from Sohee’s prying eyes. The rest of the day flew by without a problem.

After that, meet ups with Sunghoon became regular things, allowing him to get to know more about Sohee, and her becoming more and more comfortable around him. After about a month you found yourself at the park again, it was finally a day warm enough to subject Sunghoon to the pain he went through the first time he officially met her. You knew that little Sohee would probably do the same exact thing, and that you should probably pick up some pain patches for him, as a preemptive apology for what the three year old is about to put him through. 

What you expected, is exactly what happened. Sunghoon had just arrived at the park, and he was already being pulled away to push Sohee and another little girl she had met at the park on the swings. Watching the three of them, your mind started to remind you how that could have been your life; a handsome boyfriend, honestly probably a husband at this point, and a few beautiful children. You were so zoned out watching them, you did not even notice that someone had taken a seat next to you, the mother of the little girl Sohee had quickly declared her best friend the moment she had arrived at the park. It was not until you heard her voice, that you noticed she was even beside you, “You have a beautiful daughter and what an amazing husband,” she said, watching as Sunghoon was being chased by the two girls at this point, he became the victim in whatever game the girls were playing.

“Thank you,” you started, then her words hit you, husband, he was not even your boyfriend at that point, let alone your husband. “He’s not my husband though.” Was how you finished your statement, letting her know the honest truth, but she only reacted with a gasp. At that you expected a lecture about having a child out of wedlock, or about having a child young and out of wedlock. But, instead she was just shocked, especially given the way he looked at you.

The mother gasped in shock, she had been observing how Sunghoon stared at his daughter and at you, like the two of you put the stars in his night sky, like he was nothing more than the dark void, and the two of you were the stars and moon that brought light to his life. “Well, the way I’ve noticed your boyfriend looking at you, I’m sure that ring will be coming soon.” The mom said, before standing, going to get her kid to go home. “I’ve never seen a man stare at someone in such a way, like he’d give everything to see you two smile.” She said, before calling her daughter over, announcing it was time to leave.

You had no chance to correct her, she was already gone by the time you thought of what she said. It was only then that you noticed what she said was true. The way he started at both yourself and Sohee, it was not with anger like you would expect, it was with love. But you knew that after all these years, you announcing you were still in love with would probably be the last thing he wanted. It was during this time that you noticed Sohee coming over to where you sat, quickly taking her little backpack from where it was placed besides you, before running back over to Sunghoon. Luckily the two of them were only about ten feet away from you, allowing you to enjoy the spectacle and show Sohee was giving. A laugh slipped past your lips as she started to show Sunghoon her collection of items, bottle caps she decided are pretty, a big rock she found on the way to the park this morning, and other items. 

You could only imagine how Sunghoon felt as she pulled out a familiar item, the sweet little grey bunny with its long ears. As Sunghoon looked around Sohee to where you sat, you knew he remembered it as well. It was once something you slept with each and every night, it reminded you of Sunghoon, and would always be with you, even when he could not be. Now, it remained in Sohee’s grasp, she slept with it each and every night, she had a part of him with her all the time, even if neither of them knew it. 

The little show and tell she was giving Sunghoon was adorable, until she got to the end of her bag and pulled something out that you had long forgotten. The photo from all those weeks ago. The photo from your first program, honestly that moment is probably what led to Sohee in the first place, if you wanted to be completely serious. Sohee was quick to load her backpack back up, before leaving it with Sunghoon as she ran off to play on the slide some more. You did not want to, staring at Sohee instead of him, but you noticed his labored steps, he walked slowly towards you, staring at the picture in his hand.

Once he finally sat down beside you, only then did he break the uncomfortable silence, “I still remember that night.” Was all he said, before putting the backpack beside you, leaning down resting his elbows on his knees as he turned to look at you. “I still think about that night all the time,” you nodded as you listened to him, seeing his face light up as you yourself admitted to thinking about it as well.

“We’re not the same people we were when we fell in love,” you started, staring down at the picture in his hand. “We were so carefree, we were in high school, nothing to worry about except tests and skating.” You said to him, your eyes shifting back to Sohee, this conversation was not one you expected to have today, but here you were having.

Sunghoon nodded his head, turning to fully put all of his attention on you. “We definitely aren’t the same people.” He said, turning his attention to Sohee. Back then you two were the it couple, the perfect pair. But now, the two of you were willing co-parents if anything. 

“But I am still in love with you,” was all that came out to start with, you unsure of what else to say. Fear that he would reject you filled your veins, the idea that he would laugh in your face, or make fun of you for these feelings after all these years filled your mind. Yet, you found yourself unable to stop, needing to get these feelings out, knowing if you did not do it now, you would go it never. “Are you still in love with me?”

Sunghoon thought he was hallucinating to start with, the words you said, he had to be imagining them. Three years had been spent hoping to hear that again, to hear your sweet voice tell him that he loved you, but now that it was, he found himself afraid to get hurt again. “I don’t,” was all he said to start, he immediately regretted his word choice as he saw your eyes quickly fill with tears. 

You stood up, wanting to get away as quickly as possibly, he had rejected you, and all those thoughts in your mind reminded you of how stupid you were. You thought that you would come back, introduce him to his daughter, confess your love for him after all these years, and he would say it back and you would live happily ever after. But this is real life, not some stupid fairy tale you tell Sohee to get her to sleep, and the princess and prince do not always end up together in real life. 

Sunghoon was shocked at your sudden move, he quickly stood up, walking after you, grabbing your hand to stop you in your tracks. “I don’t think I ever stopped loving you.” He said, finishing his whole thought this time. “I always wanted you to be my end game, even after you left I never was able to move on, no one felt like you, they all just felt like placeholders as I waited for you to return with the other half of my heart.” He told you, pulling you closer to his body, taking both of your hands, and holding them in between the two of you. “But, I don’t know if I can trust you like I once did.”

Hearing his words, you felt your heart ache. He never stopped loving you, but you hurt him in a way he felt like he could not trust you to not do it again. “Give me a chance.” Being all that left your lips, as you stepped closer to him. This was your chance, your heart and your head were aligned for once, wanting nothing more than to rekindle the love and joy you once felt from this man. Despite the fear you once felt, now the only thing that lingered was the desire to be back within his arms, to be loved by him once more, to be his once again. Those three past years had been long years without him, and now that he was back in your life, you would not let him get away again. No longer would you make decisions based on what you think is best for those around you, instead you would listen to your heart, picking what is best for you.

“A chance for what?” Sunghoon asked, as he watched you. He really wanted everything to be like it once was, but those feelings in his head would not let his heart be happy, reminding him of how easily you left him the first time, and how easily you probably would again. He never even moved on when you left him the first time, he was broken, literally and physically. He never was able to go out with another person, none of them compared to you, they all seemed lackluster in comparison to you. He was broken when you left the first time, but if you played him again, left him again, he was unsure of what would happen then; but, he knew it would be worse, much worse than the first time around. 

Staring into his eyes, you found yourself saying words you never imagined you would say. You never thought he would even take a chance to hear you out, let alone allow you to pour your heart out to him. “A chance to prove to you that I can make you happy. A chance to prove to you that I still love you. A chance to prove to you that I’m not gonna run this time. A chance to prove to you that you’re everything I’ve ever wanted.” You said to him, wanting to say so much more to him, wanting to open up your heart and pour your feelings out to him. Let your heart flow unabridged, words flowing without a filter, but you kept it in, knowing you did not want to scare him off. You left him once already, knowing Sunghoon how you did, he was probably more worried about it happening again. Yet, you knew deep within your heart, if he allowed you to own part of his heart once more, to hold his hand once more, to be on his side, you would never leave. 

At your words, Sunghoon was torn. His mind and his heart tearing him into two different directions. His heart was quick to remind him of how much he once loved you, how much he still loved you. It reminded him of those days as young teenagers, how in love you were in that time, how your hand would fit into his like puzzle pieces that belonged together, how you would always sit in his lap and fall asleep on his shoulder, how in those times he felt like he wanted that forever and everything. But his brain was more of a realist, quick to say she broke your heart once and she will do it again, reminding him of how he shattered his leg when you left the first time. It reminded him of how when he needed you most, you were nowhere to be found, his phone number blocked and you left the country in order to avoid him. Despite the convincing arguments from his brain, he decided to do something he never thought he would. Staring into your eyes, he found himself remembering those days all those years ago, staring into your eyes until you would blush and look away, remembering the slight flush that would come upon your features as he stared. For once, he chose his heart, deciding that he might as well give it another chance, things would be different this time, afterall it was not just yourself and him in his situation, but little Sohee as well. You allowed him to form a relationship with your daughter, and now he felt that you wanted to reform your relationship with him. Sunghoon found himself nodding, “One chance,” He simply said, smiling down at you. Finding himself thinking things that he had not thought about for years, but this time all the dates you would go on had another meaning, since it would not just be yourself and him, but instead your daughter as well. And he was destined to not let you go again, nor would he let you take his daughter with you again.

Sunghoon may have offered you one chance, but the genuine truth is that he would give you a million chances. You could leave him broken once more, and he would still be willing to give you another chance. You could do anything, and he would always be willing to give you another chance. He was down bad for you since the moment he first kissed you all those years ago, and even now nothing has changed, he would do anything for you, and would let you do anything to him. He hoped one chance would be enough, seeing the look in your eyes, he felt that you felt the same as he did, wanting nothing more than to be with him forever. Since, honestly, he wanted nothing more than to be with you for his forever, you were his forever, even if you just took a little break in between.

Hearing his words, it was as though every cell in your body came to a stop. It took you a minute to realize what he had said, he did not laugh in your face and tell you no, he did not turn around and leave you right where you stood, he instead said one chance. The memories of how you left him all those years ago made you believe he would have not given you even the time to speak, you know if the positions were switched, you probably would not have given him any extra chances. Yet, you had one chance, and all you could think was that is all you need. You would never leave him again, you would never want to break your own heart again, like you did before. Your place is with him, and that was something you had realized, and would make sure it was a place you would stay. “That’s all I need,” muttered under your breath, a smile coming to your face, your gaze shifting from the photo in his hand to look up at him. You would never admit it, but you wanted those days back, the days in the photo. The days when Sunghoon and yourself were inseparable, the days when you spent more time in his arms than out of them, the days where the only worries you had were skating and tests and trying not to get caught making out in the hallway by the teachers. Those days were so simple, so easy, and you missed when your love was carefree and a breeze like that. 

Getting ready to say something else, you however were interrupted as something ran between the two of you, quickly grabbing Sunghoon’s hand and dragging him off. A laugh fell from your lips as you watched him try to keep up with Sohee, she decided it was time for him to play with her again. Making your way back to the bench, the thoughts of being a proper family filled your mind, the idea of Sohee not only having a mother at home, but also a father, her father. It would not be the picture perfect life you once planned, but it would be perfect for what is your life. Breaking his heart once was not in the original plan, and breaking it a second time definitely was not in the new and improved plan. 

Watching the two of them play, the only thought plaguing your mind was whether this would be good for Sohee. As she dragged Sunghoon around the playground, you finally thought for a second that maybe this was not the best for everyone, as much as you wanted it to be, what if Sohee reacted badly to this. Sohee only knew Sunghoon as your friend, what if she reacted negatively to the fact he is actually her father, what if she reacted negatively towards him and you attempted to date again. What if the best thing for her was to just continue being a single mother, focus on her, with no other interruptions. 

Those thoughts did not have time to dwell however, as you found yourself being dragged from the bench. Sohee brings you over to the swings, where she had left Sunghoon. She was quick to push you towards one of the many swings, before taking a seat herself. “Sunghoon push swings.” Sohee called out, starting to giggle as he pushed her on the swing she was seated on. Watching her, it was these moments that you treasured, the sweet little moments with her, these moments would hopefully turn into sweet little moments with her and Sunghoon. You did not have much time to think about that however, as Sohee’s voice broke your eardrums once more. “Mommy swing too. Sunghoon push mommy too.” 

Unable to resist your sweet child’s call for you to join her, you sat on the swing finally, smiling softly as she started to laugh even more. It did not take long for Sunghoon’s hands to push against your back, pushing you on the swing as he did Sohee. He alternated between pushing Sohee and yourself, and he just did every little thing that Sohee told him to do. It was in that moment you realized, he was not going to leave easily, as he listened and accommodated each and every one of her little demands. She was quick to yell higher, only to yell too high, lower, not that low, faster, not that fast, slower, but not that slow. She was indecisive, and it was honestly adorable as he tried to swing her perfectly like she wanted, the task seeming impossible. 

As he pushed you again, once Sohee had decided he was doing it perfectly, you found yourself remembering all those years ago. When you were in high school and would find your way to the playground after practice, the two of you swinging on the swings while holding hands, knowing that you only had an hour before curfew. The two of you would enjoy your time together each time, talking while trying to swing at the same speed, sharing thoughts about school, your programs, and what you should do on your next free day. He would push you on the swings, teasing you with how high he could push you before you started to cry for him to not push you so high, the smile that would come to his face before he would kiss you as an apology filled your mind. Sohee quickly grew bored and ran off, so Sunghoon continued to push you, after a few pushes, you felt his hands on your waist. With that feeling, you found yourself turning back to view him, his eyes were glazed over as he stared at you, that alone let you know he was thinking of the same thing. As you made eye contact, you were both quick to look away, he moved back allowing the swing the stop, the two of you were quick to refocus your attention on Sohee. By then, the rambunctious toddler was ready to go, as the three of you left the park, you found yourself deciding that you would never make the same mistakes again; you would focus on your happiness, and he being in your life was the most important part of it.

It was odd seeing Karina and Sakura within your house after so many weeks, life had caught the three of you. Your usual weekly hangout sessions had been cut, Karina’s boss often wanting her to cover shifts at work, while Sakura was busy with a project in another class. Yet, today the three of you found yourself sitting on the sofa of your living room. Sohee was playing happily with her toys, not paying any mind to the three of you and your conversation, or so you thought. “How are things going? I know this must have been a massive change for you.” Karina absent mindedly asked, she knows how you honestly probably would have never told him, had someone not texted him that photo of you all. 

Sitting in silence for a moment, you weighed the options of what your words would mean to the two of them. They knew everything, and how you described things would either excite them, especially Karina and her idea that her favorite couple is getting back together, or it would put them both into a sad mood for the rest of the night. While you knew Sunghoon was only giving you a chance, you were so happy for that, honestly, within the deepest recesses of your mind, you could only hope that Karina’s idea would be the one coming true. “He gets along with her so well,” was how you started, sparing a glance at the preoccupied child before continuing, “She really does like him, granted, they mostly only hang out for a few hours, she really loves having him around. I honestly think he is ready and willing to fully take his position as her father, yet, I don’t want to rush anything or throw too much at him too quickly.” It was difficult to admit, your previously preconceived idea of what you needed to raise Sohee only had two variables, herself and you, but honestly, maybe you needed all three of you all along, you were just too stupid to realize it all those years ago. 

Shock graced both Sakura and Karina’s faces, they were amazed at your words, shocked at what you just shared with them. “He wants to just forget everything and be her dad?” Sakura asked, confusion falling across her features, as soon as the shock left. It seemed like a dumb idea as well, you hid her away from him for three years, but now that he knows of her, he wants to go back to how it should have been, he wants to be there for her like he should have been all along.

With a simple nod, it was an idea you found hard to believe as well. Most men your age would have run the opposite direction, happy to live childfree for however many years more, until they felt ready for the concept of fatherhood. Yet, here Sunghoon was ready to step into it after only a month of knowing the child, well a month of knowing he had a child, a month of knowing his child. “I just don’t want to mess anything up. He agreed to give me another chance, and I just don’t want to make any mistakes. Like I fully didn’t realize how much I missed him until I saw him face to face again, and he gave me a second chance, and I just don’t want to mess anything up for their relationship. Like what if I go too quick and he gets scared? What if we get together, Sohee gets used to calling him dad, just for him to decide this isn’t for him? I just, I don’t know what to do.” 

As you started explaining your thoughts, Karina was quick to pull you into her side, Sakura started to rub your arm at the same time. “I genuinely think he’s not going to do that,” Karina stated to tell you, “He was absolutely enamored with you when you were in high school. I remember the first time I saw you two together in high school, I honestly thought to myself he would probably propose to you the moment you started college, even then I could see the love in his eyes. You two were always my ideal couple, and even now, I think everything will be fine. If he looks at Sohee with half the adoration he used to look at you with, I just know she’s going to have a wonderful dad.” 

“Just don’t be scared, you did what you thought was best, he needs to understand that. If he feels the same way you do, then there is nothing to worry about, things will happen that are supposed to, and everything will fall into place as it should be.” Sakura picked up as Karina paused, giving you a little speech of her own. “While I did not know you in high school, from how everyone has described it, he loved you then, he probably loves you now, and he’ll probably still love you in the future. I don’t think he’d leave you and Sohee for anything, and I think if everything Karina says is true, then you’ll be a lovely family.”

With a simple nod, you found yourself resting in their arms, the three of you all intertwined as the conversation changed to them. As the conversation droned on, a little pair of ears had been listening all along, it was not eavesdropping when it was yourself they were talking about. Sohee had caught parts of the conversation, not many, but enough to know some new things, the words she caught being Sunghoon and dad. Sohee may only have been three, but she knew she was not like the other children she often played with at the park. They would oftentimes have two parents watching them, while she only had one. They should ask her where her father is, to which she would reply she only had a mother. But hearing this talk, the three year old’s little mind was made up, and she knew what she needed to do. Had the three of you known about a pair of little eavesdropping ears, you would have spoken with more tact, choose your words better to leave no room for miscommunications. Yet, Sohee was usually so enamored with her little toys, you paid her presence no mind, as the three of you conversed.

Before you knew it, it was a Friday night, luckily you had managed to talk Sunghoon into going out with you, the whole give me a chance thing. It was odd, once upon a time dates with him came with ease. You would pick your outfit without a second thought, you would be ready and waiting by the time he would arrive at your house, and you would spend time with him without a second of worry crossing your mind. Yet, here you were staring at your closet, unsure what to wear, it was like you were going on a first date again for the first time in forever. It was tempting to call Karina upstairs from where she was in the living room, watching Sohee for you this evening, but you knew it she came, Sohee would follow, and so would her little questions. Instead of having to explain to your daughter where you were going tonight, you instead decided to make the decision yourself, hoping that maybe you would make Sunghoon’s heart skip a beat and the butterflies within his stomach erupt like you once did before. 

Staring at yourself in the mirror, you had little time to contemplate your choice of clothing, since as you touched your hair up, a message shone on your phone. He was outside, waiting for you, reading his quick ‘I’m here’ text sent you back to all those nights years ago. You would hear his car down the road before you would hear him knocking upon your house door, rushing downstairs trying to keep him from having to talk to your parents for too long, really it was trying to keep your parents from saying anything embarrassing before you made it downstairs. Running out the door with him, hand in hand, as he would help you into his car, before making his way to the driver's door. He would always make sure to reach over, buckling you in, unless you had already done it. All those years ago you were always his passenger princess, he allowed you to do nothing but sit beside him and enjoy yourself as he drove wherever you desired, the only thing you had to focus on was playing the right music that the two of you could sing along to while he drove. Yet, this was not all those carefree years ago, it was now, and now you had a lot of worries, you had a lot of things to care about, and most of all you had the worry of messing up once again, fumbling what you once thought was your future, possibly forever.

Rushing downstairs, it was like all those nights years ago, yet this time you were rushing to keep Sohee from realizing someone was here, rather than to keep your parents from embarrassing you. “He’s here,” you shortly told Karina, before leaning down and giving Sohee a kiss on the forehead. “Mommy will be back later, you’ll be good for Aunty Karina right?” you asked the child, watching her nod, not even paying attention to you, yet, you knew you had nothing to worry about. Finally exiting the house, there he stood, Sunghoon in all his glory. During his high school days he would have been wearing some worn jeans and that old hoodie of his, but now here he stood wearing black slacks and a nice button down shirt, a clear sign that things had changed, time had moved on, and things were not all the same. Yet, you knew you were not dressed as you once would have either, instead of his oversized sweater and a pair of leggings, there you stood wearing a dress, since time had not only passed for him, but also yourself. 

Walking up to him, he was quick to open the door for you, allowing you to enter the vehicle, before he made his way to the driver’s side. No longer did he own that run down car that barely ran and was always threatening to give out on him, instead he was behind the wheel of a newer-ish vehicle, it made no rattling noises as it came to a start. Fastening your seatbelt, you barely heard a noise thinking nothing of it, assuming it was maybe just the vehicle, yet it was not. Sunghoon had muttered to himself, “You look beautiful,” but as you did not respond, he did not press the issue. Unlike all those nights you spent together years ago, this time, there was an awkward air about. The air reeked of unease, the uncertainty feeling flowed between the two of you, unsure of what was to happen this night, what was to happen between the two of you, should you even be trying to get back together, and just so many other what if’s. 

As Sunghoon started to drive, you noticed his hand finding its usual spot on the center console, it was like muscle memory, your hand found its way into his. The two of you sat like that for a good two or three minutes, before what you were doing hit you. Both of you were quick to wrench your hand from the other’s grasp, “I’m sorry,” You were quick to say, shifting to stare out the window, as you moved your hands into your lap, nails starting to stab into the palms of your hands, as you tried to resist the urge to reach out and grab his hand once more.

“We probably shouldn’t,” Sunghoon said as you spoke as well, your words all becoming flustered and jumbled. Despite how badly he wants to, he also knows within his heart, it is best to wait, to not get ahead of himself, to not try to revert back to how things were too quickly. Despite how badly he wants nothing more than to hold your hand, pull you into a bone crushing hug, and smother your beautiful face with his kisses as he once would have, he knew better, and he knew that he should not let himself get too excited. As badly as he wanted to take himself back to all those days years ago, he knew better than to indulge in those thoughts.

The silence was comfortable as you held hands, but now as the two of you tried to keep your minds from going back to those high school days, the silence was no longer comfortable. The silence was almost smothering, it was thick and harsh around the two of you. Neither of you spoke, maybe it was fear of saying something you would regret or maybe it was fear of saying something you would not regret but should not be saying so quickly. Vision blurred as he drove along, the buildings were just blurs of random colors as the city passed by through your window. It was not until you saw him turning into a familiar road that it hit you, where he was taking you, the diner. 

The diner was a place of memories, it was where you had your first official meeting all those years ago, where you had your first date, and sadly also where the two of you had your last date before you left Sunghoon all those years ago. Moving back here, you completely forgot about this place, it held too many memories for you to want to be within its walls once more. He would never admit it, however Sunghoon felt the same way you did, it was three years since the last time he was at the diner as well, unable to return within its walls once again like you were. The place held too many happy memories for both of you, memories than neither of you wanted to bring up once you were apart. Yet, here you were, on another first date, and honestly it was fitting, where it started it also ended, and all you could hope was that once it started again, it would not have an ending this time. 

As his car came to a stop, the look of familiarity crossed your features, as he gazed at you. Sunghoon had driven to the diner without thinking much, it was such an integral part of your history, it was as though his brain slipped into autopilot mode as he was on his way here. Initially, he thought of going elsewhere, but seeing the fond look upon your face, he was glad he did not. 

Sunghoon exited the vehicle, being quick to come to your side of the car, opening the car door for you. Leaving the car, it felt like being teleported back into being high schoolers, the two of you walking arm in arm into the diner, the familiar decor was like home, even the waitress was the same as the one from all those years ago. It was nice seeing a smile graced her face as she quickly came over to your table, if it was not for the stray grey hairs in her hair, you would have assumed time stood still within the diner, as it appeared just as you last remembered it. The waitress quickly took your orders, and probably would have started to talk your ears off, had her boss not caught her attention and made her walk away to do her work. The silence was awkward for a moment, neither of you wanting to break the silence, or maybe neither of you knew how to break the silence. The feeling of sitting across from him reminded you of all those years ago, when you two had just been paired together, forced to work together against your will. 

“It’s been so long since I’ve been here,” Sunghoon’s voice muttered, he being the first to break the uncomfortable silence the two of you had been sitting in. “Yet, it seems like nothing has changed,” He added, having the same exact thoughts you had when you entered.

After a moment of silence, you finally responded, “It’s like it was all those years ago, almost makes me feel like we are back in high school again.” The words fell out before you could stop them, your habit of speaking without thinking coming out at that moment. While it might have been like you were in high school again, you were anything but, no longer was it easy nights spent hanging out with Sunghoon or Karina, studying together and preparing for tests as a group. No longer was the work easy and the skating practice sessions hard. No longer did your life revolve around school, skating, and Sunghoon. Yet, you would not mind if it did once more, yet only adding another s into the mix, Sohee. 

Sunghoon felt the words as you said them, he almost felt the same, it was like stepping back in time, yet you were not teleported back to those carefree days. “Yet, we aren’t. Things were so easy back then, so simple, yet now everything just isn’t.” With that, he trailed off unsure of what to say honestly, since so many things had changed. Time was spent doing college work instead of high school homework. Time was spent at jobs instead of skating practice. Time was spent raising Sohee instead of hanging with your friends. Your life at this time was college, Sohee, and work. 

“It’s all my fault,” You muttered under your breath, knowing he felt this way due to yourself. “I just thought it would be easier for the both of us if I left. I thought it would make all the puzzle pieces click into place, and the next time I would see you would be on my television skating in the Olympics.” 

Sunghoon was quick to shake his head, “It’s my fault as well, I should have noticed something was off before you left. I should have been able to stop you from leaving.” He said, a thought that has marred his mind since you revealed why you left, he should have been able to tell something was wrong, he should have been able to know you were pregnant before you left, he should have stopped you from leaving. “I just keep thinking about how different things would have been if I fought harder for you.” 

With that thought, it was your turn to shake your head, “It’s not your fault, even if you fought harder, I still would have left. I just thought I was doing everything right, it broke me to leave you just as much as me leaving you broke you. I just thought at the time it was what was right, I thought that running away would be the best thing. I never thought about how you would truly feel, I only thought about how happy I wanted to see you achieving your dreams.” The words were slow to slip out, it took you a while to find how you wanted to word everything. The game of verbal tetris you were playing with your brain was irritating, the words finally coming out, at least the best they could at the time. 

“I just wished you would have let me know, I would have found a new dream for you,” Sunghoon replied, but seeing the look on your face, he did not press the issue. “That’s enough of that. We’ve said it repeatedly, we can’t do anything about it now, we just need to move on. I want to know what happened to you while you were gone, you know what I did, I shattered my leg, quit skating, and found myself unable to move on.” 

It was a thought you knew would come soon, yet you were still unsure how to answer the question, “I started college, I had Sohee, I raised Sohee, and that’s pretty much it. I could never move on from you either, no else just seemed to compare, everyone was subpar when I would think of them in comparison to you. I honestly did not even try, since no one compares to you. Maybe it was the delusions in my mind, but I like to think it’s the reality of you, giving me such high standards, no one can measure up.” Maybe it was wrong of you to reveal that to him, yet you felt no remorse, he needed to know how you felt.

Sunghoon found it hard to believe, while he never attempted to move on, since no matter what girl the boys showed him, none of them made him feel like you had; he found it hard to believe you never tried to move on. Yet, hearing your words, he felt it, he finally understood why. All these years, he thought he was the only one down so badly, he thought that you had probably moved on, found a man way better than he was, and was living happily ever after with your new man. Yet, no, you were in the same situation he was, so in love with someone to the point no one else could win your heart. Even after all these years, the distance, the betrayal, and everything; you two were still just two love sick fools waiting for a chance to be as you once were, and Sunghoon knew once the trust was finally built up between the two of you again, it would be just as it was all those years before. “No one was ever as beautiful as you. None of them ever made my heart beat as fast as you did. And none of them ever made me feel like butterflies were in my stomach begging to get out. Only you ever did that, and none of the other women they tried to set me up with, or introduce me to, ever made me feel even a tenth of how you made me feel.”

Your hand was quick to find him, he gave you a reassuring squeeze as you placed your hand within his. “I don’t ever plan on giving you up again. I should have never left all those years ago. I realize all my mistakes, and no matter how much I try, my heart has and will always be longing for you. I’ll spend as long as it takes to earn your trust back, I’ll do whatever it takes, since I’m not going anywhere, as long as you’ll allow me by your side, I’ll stay there.” Gazing up at his face, all you could think of was how you would make sure he never feels pain from your actions again, Sunghoon was willing to still love you after all these years, and you were going to make sure he never regrets that decision.

After that, the conversation felt a lot more natural throughout the date, it almost was like it was all those years ago. Leaving the diner, Sunghoon was quick to drop you off home, reminding you of the first date he took you on all those years ago. He was terrified of your parents being mad at him for keeping you out, so he brought you home directly after the date, making sure you were home well before curfew. As you watched him leave through the window of your front door, you were quick to remember how you had not kissed him that night, he had kissed you, and part of you wondered when you would feel his lips gracing yours once more.

Sunghoon was quick to adapt to a schedule with you, date nights on Friday night, park dates with Sohee on Saturday, and skating dates with Sohee on Sunday. Quickly it turned from you always accompanying the two of them, to Sunghoon insisting on taking her alone, claiming he wanted to spend time with her daughter even if you were not there. It was joyous watching as she grew closer and closer to her father, even if she did not know the man was her father, she oftentimes coming home with stories of what the two of them did at the park, usually her dragging Sunghoon around to play as he barely kept up with the child, or her telling you of all the tricks Sunghoon did while skating, and how cool it was, and how she could not want to do those exact tricks one day. 

Sohee was quick to understand that you were dating Sunghoon, not really understanding the concept of dating, but she knew you loved him based on the two of you kissing once in front of her. At some point, the three of you started looking like a proper family, the family you always wanted for little Sohee, the family she would have had to start with, had you not been so stupid as to move away and hide her from him. Despite that, as your love with Sunghoon bloomed once more, his heart blossomed with love for his two girls, quickly taking to the position of being Sohee’s father. Sohee just loved the fact that both of the people in her life could skate and would take her skating, it also did not hurt Sunghoon would oftentimes take her out for sweets after their skating time was done either.

As the cherry blossoms started to bloom Sunghoon had the idea to take you on a date to the park, he always promised to take you to where the cherry blossoms bloomed when you were in high school, yet your skating schedules never allowed him to do so. As he planned a romantic picnic in the park, he knew you would love it, sweet dates like that were always your favorite. He could give you the choice between an expensive luxury three star Michelin restaurant, and a sweet picnic date featuring finger sandwiches he made and your favorite dessert from the cafe, and you would always pick the latter. Nothing brought joy to you as much as him putting in effort, he making food for you, he remembering to pick up your favorite tiramisu from that one little cafe, anyone could buy a meal at a restaurant, but you loved the little things he did for you. 

Sitting on the large soft blue checkered blanket, you watched with nothing but adoration as Sunghoon pulled item after item from the dark brown picnic basket he had bought. Item after item decorating the blanket, a favorite of yours, a favorite of his, a favorite of both of yours. It was the ideal date, it was simple, but you loved that, it was something you could replicate any day with little money and little effort. Sunghoon remembered how you always talked about loving picnics, how a picnic and star gazing was your favorite date, and maybe that was what he had in mind when he planned this date. At the time, the weather was clear, and he assumed it would be a lovely time to do all of that. He planned to eat the picnic, take a stroll in the falling cherry blossoms, and then end the night stargazing with you. He would not admit it, but he already had some cheesy pickup lines ready to go, the stars might be beautiful but not as beautiful as you, the stars might be bright but not as bright as the stars in your eyes, and many other things already to go. 

The joy on your face as the two of you started to eat warmed Sunghoon’s heart, the little comments on how he remembered you liked this and you liked that, of course he would, even if he tried, he would be unable to forget all those little details he loves about you. The joy did not fade either, as soon the two of you were walking hand in hand, putting the picnic basket and blanket in his car, before continuing on into the park. Soon you were underneath the cherry blossoms, the sheer beauty of the scene gripping your heart, reminding you of the scenes in movies. The highly dramatic scenes where the main characters take a walk under the falling cherry blossoms, Sunghoon and yourself being the main characters in this scene. 

A laugh slipped from your lips as you felt the falling flowers making contact with your hair, looking up at Sunghoon, you found yourself staring into his eyes, seeing the flowers in his hair making him look even more beautiful than usual, if that was possible. Gazing up into his eyes, you found yourself muttering, as you pressed yourself against him. “I’ve fallen like a fool for you, every time I think I’m in too deep, I fall even further every time you look at me.” Being all you said, before your eyes found their way to his lips, wanting nothing more than to kiss him, yet not wanting to be the one to make the first move.

“I never really understood all the talk about love, but even after all these years, just staring into your eyes, I think I'm starting to understand it now, and I don’t ever plan on letting you go again.” Sunghoon muttered, his lips just centimeters from your own, but not daring to press against yours, despite how much his brain yelled at him to do so. The intrusive thoughts within his brain quickly won the power struggle going on in his mind, as his hands moved from holding yours, to cupping your cheeks, “You, you’re the one I love.” Yet, he refused to allow the thoughts in his brain to win as they begged him to kiss you, he instead asking, “What would you do if I kissed you right now?”

Staring into his eyes would usually send your brain into flashbacks of all those years ago, the time in high school where it was just you and him, yet now, your brain floods with ideas of the future, of your life together, of being a proper family. As he repeatedly confessed his love for you, it felt as though things were finally falling into place, you had already exposed your own love for him so many times ago, yet he was more cautious not wanting to be hurt again, but his words gave you everything you needed from him in that moment. Even after hurting him so long ago, you found your way to once again own his heart, and yours never left his ownership. “What would I do if you kissed me?” You repeated, “I would kiss you back,” was added shortly after, wanting nothing more than for him to do exactly that. “I want you to kiss me here, right now.” Was muttered as your lips were now almost against his own. 

Sunghoon was quick to press his lips against your own, any space that was between the two of you quickly disappeared. His actions spoke much louder than any words he said could have in that moment, he started to smile into the kiss as he felt your arms wrap around his neck, pulling him as close to you as he could be. Sunghoon’s own hands moved from cupping your face running down your sides, claiming their place around your waist, pulling you against him as best as he could. The sparks he always felt when kissing you were felt once more, the butterflies within his stomach erupted, and while you would not tell him, you were feeling the same, nothing but joy and love filling your heart as the two of you kissed. It felt as though time was frozen as the two of you kissed, all those repressed feelings and emotions bleeding into the kiss. Three years apart did nothing but make the heart grow fonder, make your emotions and love for one another stronger, and leave your minds with the thoughts that you should have never left, while Sunghoon’s mind was flooded with the idea that he should have followed you, he should have fought harder, he should have never let you leave him. “Your lips taste the same, how I’ve missed them” Sunghoon muttered against yours, the second part of his sentence being nothing more than a whisper, as he finally pulled back, the lack of oxygen finally getting to the point you needed to part.

“For you I’d steal the stars,” You muttered back to him, your lips just barely away from his. As the two of you stood there, slightly panting, trying to catch your breath, you found yourself shifting under his gaze, wanting nothing more than to continue kissing him, to make your lips meet his once more. “Stop looking at me like that or I'm gonna kiss you.” You said to him, ready to completely fold under his gaze, and you quickly did, reconnecting your lips to his once more feeling as he smirked into the kiss, you felt nothing but the state of needing him more and more, unable to fathom the idea of going without him for a single second longer. You were the stars in his night sky, as he was your moon within the same sky, and apart neither of you thrived, you belonged together, you completed each other, you were the stars to his moon. 

Your lips were quick to meet his, the soft flesh gently met, the kiss was currently delicate and tender; yet, as the two of you continued, it escalated quickly. The kiss shifted from soft and languid, to frantic and heated. The two of you were unable to get enough, the kiss becoming impatient and fiery, the hunger coming out, no longer did it feel familiar, a new level of desire coming to the surface as it quickly became sloppy and aggressive. No longer were the two of you apprehensive and nervous, quickly becoming eager and greedy as the kiss continued, wanting nothing more than the other as close as they could be. Lips changed from being pressed against each other gently, to crushing together, to devouring as you attempted to explore one another, needing more and more as hands clung to clothing, wanting to erase all space between the two of you, needing to be closer, since close was not close enough. Hearts palpitating as one of your hands clutched at the collar of Sunghoon’s shirt, palms sweating as your fingers on one hand tangled within Sunghoon’s hair, cheeks burning as Sunghoon’s arm circles around your waist, blood rushing through your veins while his other hand found its way between your shoulder blades. The kiss continued feverishly, all the emotions that you had held for the last three years flooding out into the kiss, you two just wanting more and more of each other, unable to ever get your fill. Finally parting, you found his forehead resting against yours as the two of you tried to catch your breath once more, staring into each other’s eyes, nothing but love and joy being exchanged in your gazes. 

“I missed this, I missed you, everything about you.” You muttered under your breath, still slightly panting while trying to catch your breath. Your hands still clung to Sunghoon’s neck and hair, wanting nothing more than to pull him back to your lips, never wanting to let him part from you again. The love and joy filling your heart once again, reminiscent of how you felt all those years ago, yet now those feelings were more intense, no longer some silly puppy love, instead your heart was filled with the unadulterated feelings of love and desire for the man standing in front of you. The love in Sunghoon’s eyes mirrored yours, and this time it was not yourself that connected your lips once more, instead Sunghoon was the one that ducked down, the hand he still had on your shoulder blades quickly helping to connect the gap of space that was once between the two of you. 

To any onlooker, the two of you would have looked like a lovesick adorable couple, young love in full bloom as the cherry blossoms were. The soft pink petals falling all around caused the scene to look even more picturesque. Two people so deeply in love, making out amongst the falling pink petals of the cherry blossoms whilst in the middle of the park, the moment was like one ripped directly from a movie or television drama. Sunghoon’s lips parted from your own, allowing you a moment to breathe, yet his lips were unable to leave you, he instead trailing them down your neck, placing rushed and feverish kisses all along your neck. Despite the euphoria, the joy you felt from the moment, the soft pink petals tangled within your hair were soon to fall. It started as a sprinkle, a sprinkle you ignored. Maybe it was that you did not want anything to ruin this moment for you, ruin the perfect feelings you were feeling, ruin the joy and love you felt from and towards the individual who you were currently tangled up in. Yet, that sprinkle was quick to change, as Sunghoon’s lips moved up your neck, resuming their place on your own. The kiss however was interrupted, the light sprinkles you had been ignoring suddenly turning into a downpour of rain. The once picturesque scene continued, rather than two lovers kissing amongst the falling cherry blossoms, instead it was two lovers kissing amongst the falling rain. 

Sunghoon was the first to break away, despite how your lips so easily followed after his own, he pulled away from you, being the first to speak. “Let’s get out of this rain,” He started, only to be interrupted by a large crash of thunder, what was once a nice rainstorm turning quickly turning into a torrential thunderstorm. Sunghoon felt nothing but his heart swelling with love and joy as he heard the laughs slipping past your lips, at the scene, before he grabbed your hand and the two of you started running towards his car. 

The two of you ran for a moment, until you almost fell, the shoes you had worn for your date were definitely not made for running, and definitely not for running while in the rain. The laughter rolled from your lips, as Sunghoon was quick to grab your waist, making sure you did not fall, and instead stayed safely pressed up to his side. “Come here, I'll carry you." Sunghoon was quick to say, leaning down, allowing you to climb onto his back, before he took off running again. Your arms wrapped around his neck, his hands quickly finding home on your thighs, as he held you steadily, letting you cling to his back, before he started to run back towards his car. Once by his car, he quickly put you down, allowing you to climb into the car, before he ran to the drivers side. These moments you felt so carefree, so youthful, like you had nothing to worry about but yourself and him. It was moments like these that made you feel the joy and simple happiness that having a child so early in life took from you, yet, you would never give up Sohee for anything, you felt as though your life now was eons better than even high school you would have imagined. Sunghoon’s laugh caught your ears, you turning to look at him, your hand finding its way up, pushing the wet hair off his face, wiping some of the raindrops off his skin, he ended up doing the same to you, the two of you pushing each other’s hair back, allowing you to fully see the others face. The sweet moment you shared however was fleeting, your lips desiring to reconnect with his, and you found yourself leaning over the center console of his car, lips meeting his once more. This moment however ended quickly, as somehow someone’s shoulder made contact with the car’s steering wheel, the horn of the vehicle causing the two of you to jump apart, before laughter filled the area once more. 

In the midst of his laughter, Sunghoon decided maybe it would be better to head on back, rather than continue making out in the car. “Let’s head back,” He started, quickly shedding his jacket, before he started the vehicle up. The warmth of the heater was welcome, despite it being a warm spring, the rain robbed the air and your frames of all that warmth. In that moment, you found yourself reaching for Sunghoon’s hand unconsciously, and he did the same. Hands meeting, fingers intertwined, you found yourself only holding hands, not sure if you can touch them more. As his car quietly hummed along the isolated roads, driving back towards the city, Sunghoon was the first to move his hand, finding its way to your thigh, he gently squeezing it. 

Everything felt like it was falling back into place, like everything was finding where it belonged. Here you belonged in Sunghoon’s passenger seat, controlling the radio, as he sat driving with one hand on the wheel and the other on your thigh. The silence was comfortable, the late night driving reminded you of the nights so many years ago, but this time it was better, your mind was not full of all of those childish little fears that your teenage brain once held, now your mind was only full of love for the man sitting on your side, the man you wanted nothing more than build a future with. The man that you genuinely felt was your endgame.

Sunghoon drove until he ended up at his apartment, seeing how it was closer than your house was. Sitting in the car, the two of you watched the rain pour down for a few minutes, waiting for it to slow, yet, as it continued to only rain harder and harder, you decided it would be best to get inside his apartment before it gets worse. Sunghoon was quick to exit the drivers side, running over to attempt to block some of the rain off of you, however as it was nothing more than a downpour, it helped none, the two of you were immediately soaked with water. "I'm going to carry you, okay?" Sunghoon quickly said, before scooping you up, starting to run towards his apartment building, a smile upon both of your faces, as you clung to his neck, as he held you close to his chest. 

Finally entering the building, he sat you down, allowing you to walk with him to his apartment. "You're soaking wet." He said, watching as the water pooled at your feet as you walked, leaving a path through the hallway. 

“You’re one to talk,” You retorted back, seeing how he was covered in just as much water as you. The comment, causing the two of you to start laughing once more, luckily you were nearing his apartment door, and not going to be a disruption to his neighbors for much longer. Entering his apartment, it was oddly something that screamed, him. It was clean and organized, it looked sleek and modern, and it just screamed Sunghoon, the only thing out of place being the pictures you could clearly see setting on the table, drawings that Sohee had given him. 

Despite wanting to look around his apartment a bit more, he was quick to point out the big problem of the moment. “You’re shivering, go shower and I’ll get you some dry clothing, I don’t want you to get sick,” Sunghoon said, feeling him gently kiss your forehead, before pointing you in the direction of his bathroom. You wanted to point out he was wet from the rain as well, yet he gave you no time, instead just pointing you off into the direction of the bathroom and walking off. You were quick to go into the bathroom, getting ready to shower as Sunghoon knocked on the door, letting you know he left a bag of clothing outside the door.  As you showered, you heard a faint voice, it sounded like Sunghoon was on the phone with someone, yet you paid it no mind as you tried to warm up. 

Exiting the bathroom, wearing the sweats and sweater that Sunghoon had given you, you found him dressed in dry clothing, while trying to dry his hair with a towel. “You need to take a shower too, go, go.” You told him, starting to push him like he had you. He attempted to fight it, before finally giving in, going to shower with warm water, to satiate you. As he was showering, you found your phone, seeing a message from Karina. Opening it with haste, you expected the worst, but instead you saw a message that brought a laugh to your chest. The message from Karina read ‘Sunghoon said you are staying at his house tonight due to the weather, you better not create another Sohee, Sakura and I are not ready to be the aunts of two’. Being distracted by your phone, you almost did not notice Sunghoon leaving the bathroom, he looked a lot warmer than he did moments ago, and his hair fully dried.

“You're shivering... Do you want another one of my sweaters?” Sunghoon was quick to ask, seeing how you were still slightly shivering in the cold air of his apartment. You had not even noticed you were shivering, but he was already at the thermostat while grabbing you a blanket. Once he found his way to the sofa, sitting besides you, his hands found their way to your waist, pulling you onto his lap, before laying the blanket over both of you. Leaning your head against his shoulder, you found yourself thinking of how much you loved this. You loved being in his arms, you loved being with him, you loved him in all his being, and you planned to never let him go again. 

Sunghoon had turned on some mediocre romance movie on his television, the two of you sitting in the dark living room as the D-list actors did their best to give the crappy script some emotion, yet even the low budget stupid romance movie could not keep your focus. Instead of staring at the television screen, you found yourself staring at an even better view. Your eyes were locked on his face, watching him as he watched the movie, or at least he attempted to watch the movie. Not even ten minutes into the movie, he had enough of your staring, deciding to do some staring of his own, which quickly turned into something more. As your lips moved against his, you felt his arms tightening around your waist, pulling you even closer, as if it was possible to eliminate any more of the gap between the two of you. The movie was soon long forgotten as the two of you continued, the only thing on your minds being one another. The night drew on, all emotions between the two of you escalating, each touch of your lips becoming more and more messy, the kisses becoming sloppy and impatient. Neither of you were able to have enough of the other, it was in this moment that you realized how Sohee came to be so quickly in your relationship. As you separated, Sunghoon’s lips were quickly to find purchase on the side of your neck, finding a spot that he was oh so familiar with, finding it with ease. The feeling of his lips on your neck let you know that by the time morning came it would be marred purple and black. Yet, you could not find it in yourself to care, you would allow him to do it again and again, just to feel his lips against your skin one more time. 

The feverish makeout session continued for the two of you, the movie and thunderstorm roaring outside becoming nothing more than the soundtrack of your night. Unable to keep their hands off one another, they find their way into each other’s hair, on their necks, gripping their collars, gripping the backs of their shirts, and around one another’s waist. The wanton kisses continued until the events of the night hit you both, kisses fading from hungry and full of desire, to languid and tired. Lips gently moving against one another’s, neither wanting to be the first to pull away, neither wanting to be the first to admit the fatigue was taking over their body, neither wanting to be the one to end this euphoric moment. Yet, Sunghoon finally found himself pulling away, the two of you resting against each other’s forehead for a moment. That moment however left quickly, your head finding itself against his shoulder, as Sunghoon’s cheek found itself leaning against your head. The two of you find comfort in each other’s arms, falling asleep with ease while laying across his sofa. 

Awaking in the morning, you found yourself resting on Sunghoon’s chest, his arms around you, nothing filling the air except for the consistent sound of his breathing. It was a moment you decided you wanted to experience for the rest of your life, not sleeping uncomfortably on his sofa, but waking up in his arms, hands intertwined even as you slept, unable to get enough of one another even when in an unconscious state. A smile graced your face as Sunghoon woke up, being quick to press a kiss to your lips, before muttering a stereotypical, “Good morning’. The morning was good, all because you had woken up next to him, it was a wonderful morning all thanks to him. 

These thoughts however were quickly ended, you sitting up sharply remembering you were not at your house, you were at Sunghoon’s apartment, and you had stayed the night due to the bad weather. Sunghoon also got up with haste, knowing exactly what was going on in your mind, grabbing your hand, he was quick to speak as you tried to find your way to the door. “Calm down, just take a breath,” He started, his hand starting to stroke your hair, “We’ll get you home and to Sohee in a minute, but first calm down. We’ll get you home, you can go change, and then we’ll take Sohee out to breakfast and to the park, okay?” 

Listening to him came automatically, a nod of your head and a deep breath later, you were sitting at the counter of his kitchen as he was getting changed. Before long, you were on the road, listening to Sunghoon talk about how his plans for the night before had been ruined, stargazing could not happen when it was pouring down rain; yet, you found yourself happy his original plans had been ruined, since how the night went was better than you could have imagined or even planned. The silence in the car was comfortable as the buildings passed by on the way to your house, the car turned into a familiar road, before long finding its way to your house. 

Exiting the vehicle you were soon in your living room, seeing Karina and Sakura had already gotten Sohee up, and the small child was playing. She quickly found her way towards you, only to change the direction her little legs were taking her to someone behind you. A gasp left your lips as you watched Sohee run into Sunghoon’s arms instead of your own, the shocked look quickly turning into a smile, seeing the soft interaction between your two favorite people. Sohee giggled as Sunghoon picked her up, carrying and bouncing the small child around, listening as she babbled on and on about her night with Aunty Rina and Aunty Kura. 

Leaving the two of them in the living room, you made your way upstairs, Sakura and Karina were quick to follow. The door of your bedroom had not even closed as Sakura started, “Tell us everything,” She said, sitting on your bed, Karina following suit, nodding as she also sat on the bed, wanting to know each and every little detail. 

“I can tell from the shade of your neck that someone interesting, or perhaps should I say fun, happened,” Karina was quick to chime in, obviously not missing the purple and black shaded spots covering the side of your neck. Seeing the marks, she could only hope that things had not went as far as they could have, she was serious when she said she could not handle being the aunt of two, Sohee was already a handful, imagine having another one, it would probably be even more feral and crazy than the sweet and energetic first born was.

Reaching up, you moved the collar of the sweater attempting to cover the marks for a moment, a blush coming to your cheeks as the girls just laughed at you. As the girls sat ready to hear all the little details, you started talking as you quickly changed your clothing, telling them everything they wanted to know, but maybe leaving out some parts, like the two of you making out in the cherry blossoms, and then again in the rain, and then again on Sunghoon’s couch. Nothing was heard other than cute noises from the two, they were in awe of your cute little relationship, how easily the two of you fell back into your routine, how easily the two of you fell back in love. As you started to do your hair, covering the spots on your neck, their words hit you, and you found yourself in awe of it as well, how quickly the two of you fell back in love, it was like you were never apart, it was like those three years never happened. The gossip session with the girls ended as you were done getting ready, the three of you making your way downstairs, Sakura and Karina leaving for their apartments, while Sunghoon started to prepare the smaller of his two favorite girls to leave. 

Once you had bid Sakura and Karina goodbye, you found yourself focusing on Sunghoon again, he sat on the floor helping Sohee put her shoes on, as she claimed she needed help to do so, feigning an inability to do it herself. It was a lovely scene, seeing as she had Sunghoon wrapped around her little fingers, just as she had you. The scene was a domestic one that you honestly would not have a single problem seeing for the rest of your life, it was cute to watch as Sohee explained to the tall male which shoe went on which foot, and how to put her shoes on for her. A smile came to your face, watching as Sunghoon simply nodded, doing as Sohee told him. The toddler was quick to start talking his ear off, as she explained her little rainboots, why they were her favorite shoes, and why she picked that color. The smile on your face however was soon to fade. Sunghoon finished putting Sohee’s shoes on, and Sohee was quick to jump up, wrapping her arms around Sunghoon’s neck in a hug. “Thank you daddy,” Sohee quickly yelled, before letting Sunghoon go, the child running off to go play with her toys.

In that moment, you knew each time Sakura, Karina, and yourself discussed things going on, she was listening. She had heard how many times they mentioned how her father was Sunghoon. She had heard it all, and she even went as far as to call him it. Sunghoon was quick to look up at you, the smile on your face dropping as he had a look similar to a deer caught in the headlights. Standing up, he was shifty, seeing the look on his face made your heart sink. The look on his face let you know what he was looking for, an escape route.

“I’m so sorry, I just remembered, I have something to do, I have to go, sorry.” Sunghoon stuttered out, his words jumbling, as he quickly made his exit. Not even a minute within Sohee dropping the word, he was gone, his vehicle starting the drive was audible, and he was gone.

Staring at the door he had just left out of, you were unable to stop yourself from letting some tears fall. The silent tears burned a path down your face, the only thing in your mind at that moment being that he hurt you, just as you hurt him all those years ago. Despite the desire to run back upstairs to your bed, collapsing into the soft fabric, letting the silk pillowcase catch all your tears, instead you had to be strong. Standing there, you let the tears fall for a moment, before wiping your tears, knowing you had more important things to do than cry for Park Sunghoon. You thought that maybe he was ready to be a permanent fixture in both your life and Sohee’s, but it seems you were wrong, he was temporary, and you were stupid for even thinking that he would want to be permanent. 

“Sohee, park?” You finally found your voice, it breaking slightly, but it was the best you could do in that moment. Walking into the living room, Sohee was quick to jump up, looking around for Sunghoon, who was not there. “He had to leave. But let’s go to the park? Okay?” You were quick to tell her, picking her up as she nodded, ready to go. Leaving the house, you found yourself thinking about how this is better, no one to worry about except yourself and Sohee. This is what your life has been the last three years, and what it should be. No longer would you allow your brain to fill with foolish thoughts of being a happy little family, since obviously Sunghoon was not ready for that, he running off and running away from the two of you. 

Before you knew it, Sohee was running amok, jumping from puddle to puddle, enjoying the rainfall from the night prior. Once you arrived at the park you had started to text Karina and Sakura, letting them know what was going on. They were quick to respond with disappointment, the whole situation was something they did not expect either, they thought that he was ready for everything, but it seems not. As you texted them, watching Sohee, your phone buzzed twice in quick succession, indicating you had new messages. The messages were quick to pop up, one from Jay while another was from Sunoo, reading Jay’s a smile briefly came to your face, ‘Park Sunghoon is a dumbass, don’t give up hope’. From that message alone, you knew that Sunghoon had done the same thing you had, immediately run to your friends group chat and tell them everything. Sunoo’s messages were a lot more humorous than Jay’s, “Sunghoon is a fucking idiot’, ‘do I need to beat him up’, ‘I will’, ‘I don’t think I’ll win’, ‘but I’d do it for Sohee’, ‘I think he needs his ass beat’. After reading Sunoo’s sixth message, you just silence your phone, placing it in your pocket, any messages you receive going unannounced, as you focused on your daughter and your daughter only. 

The fantasies that plagued your mind, the ideas of Sohee having both parents by her side, the thoughts of Sunghoon finally taking his role as her father, crumbled all around you. No longer were you hopeful for the future to come with him, no longer were you envisioning the days of being a happy family, no longer were the ideas of actually having it all in your mind. Maybe this was best for everyone, better for yourself and Sohee in the long run. Sunghoon running away before he was fully integrated into Sohee’s life was the best, since it meant less pain for her, less pain for yourself. You would not have to explain to an elementary student why her father left her, since he left before she was fully acclimated to him. 

Staring at Sohee, you allowed her to play as long as she wanted, deciding it would be better to keep her distracted like this, rather than have her question what happened with Sunghoon. Unlike usual, Sohee tired a lot quicker than she usually did, only spending roughly an hour at the park. The child could usually spend three or four hours running around and playing, and then still not be tired when you announce it is time to leave. Yet, she wanted to leave only an hour after arriving, which you obliged. 

Taking your child, you found yourself in front of your house before long, four cars parked in front of your house, letting you know that your friends were there. Entering the house, you were quick to put Sohee down, she wanted nothing more than to nap. Once she was sleeping, the living room was where you found yourself, Sakura, Karina, Sunoo, and Jungwon waiting for you since they got your text almost thirty minutes before you arrived home. They were quick to rush over, knowing the last thing you needed was to be alone again. Sakura and Sunoo were fast with wrapping an arm around your shoulders, pulling you down onto the sofa between them, letting you rest your head on their shoulders. 

“Sunghoon is a complete fucking dumbass,” Karina started, the rage in the eyes barely being contained by Jungwon, as he pulled her arm to make her sit down. “He better be lucky I don’t know where he lives, or oh, I’d fuck him up.” She rambled on, seeming even more mad about the situation that you were in, than you were.

Jungwon was hasty in reaching up, grabbing Karina’s hand again, pulling her back down, as she jumped up in anger from the seat next to him. “Usually I would try to see it from the other side, but honestly, both sides of this just make him an asshole. Like he’s spent months getting to know Sohee, claiming he wants to be her father, but then runs away the moment she calls him dad. Like there is no way to see this from his point of view that doesn’t make him seem like a horrible person. Either he did not really think of the commitment that it would mean, and freaked out when she said it, since it hit him. Or he never planned to stay, and her calling him that freaked him out.” Jungwon said he was known for being the level headed one of your friend group, but even he knew there was no level headed way to think of this situation.

“I still think you should let me fight him,” Sunoo cut in, being met by a quick shake of heads from everyone else. Even Karina, who wanted to fight Sunghoon, was shaking her head. “Yeah, yeah, shake your heads, I know I wouldn’t win either, but I could probably at least like, bite him, do some damage.” He said, seeing the chorus of heads shaking, being quick to sigh, before focusing on rubbing your shoulders once more.

Sakura’s hand moved from your shoulder to your hair, softly petting it, as you laid your head on his shoulder. “I say fuck him. Sohee was fine being raised without him, and she doesn’t need him now. She has two amazing aunts and two wonderful uncles, she has no need for a Sunghoon in her life when she has all of us instead, we would never leave or run away from her, we actually love her, unlike someone.” Sakura started to ramble, her words coming out hastily, like she was going to lose her train of thought.

Hearing their words, you nodded your head, with a sigh, the memories of last night came to mind. “I just, I thought everything was going perfect. I mean last night it was like we were in a dream, he took me to see the cherry blossoms and we had a romantic picnic. We were so perfect, I thought he was ready to be in my life, to be her life. But, he just ran, he just left without a second thought.” You said, starting to cry as you spoke, tears filling your eyes as you recall the perfect night that turned into a nightmare day. “I just thought, I just, just for once I thought I could have it all. I thought I could be happy.” 

Sunoo was quick to lift a hand, wiping your tears, as Sakura started to rub your back, Karina was grabbing tissues for you, while Jungwon watched the scene, his anger towards Sunghoon tripling in that moment. “Sometimes you have to make your own happiness, and you can be happy with us. I know we aren’t him, but we’ll help and support you in any way you need, prove to yourself that you don’t need him.” Jungwon said, trying to make you feel better, but it only made you cry more.

“You wasted months proving yourself to him, just for him to do what?” Karina started to yell, jumping out, dodging Jungwon’s hand for once. “To run out like a little bitch the moment he realized how serious things were getting.” Karina was more angered at the situation than anyone was, knowing your past with him, it made sense, only she knew what you had gone through with him. “He wanted so badly to be in your life, just to run away. Leave you to have to explain to Sohee why her dad doesn’t love her, why he disappeared on her and never came back, why she doesn’t have a family like everyone else because he’s too much of a little bitch to be the father he should be. You opened yourself up to him once more, allowed him into Sohee’s life and your own, just for him to do this, I just, I can’t.” Karina ranted, excusing herself to go stand outside to attempt to calm her nerves.

With a sigh, you watched Jungwon follow her out, wanting to keep her from doing anything she would regret. You however had no time to focus on that, as Sunoo started to talk once more. “I just don’t understand, in our group chat, he talks highly of Sohee, of fully being her father, but I guess he just liked the title more than actually being it.” He said, being met with a noise of approval from Sakura. “He’ll probably realized he fucked up and come running back to you, but I wouldn’t take him back. Make him beg for it. Make him earn your trust. He made you earn his trust back before he was willing to show you affection, make him earn your trust before he can see Sohee. Walk him like a dog, girl.” Sunoo said, any alliance to his friend Sunghoon was gone, instead he only held alliance to you. 

Sakura was quick to agree, noises of agreement slipping past her lips, before she started talking. “I just can’t believe he would do this to you, I thought we were making progress, I thought things were changing for the better, I thought things would finally be better for you.” She said, her hand continuing to stroke your hair, providing some comfort in this situation. 

It was not long before Jungwon and Karina rejoined the three of you, her anger mostly subsiding, and the five of you instead focusing on other topics than Sunghoon. The four of them decided to stay the night, turning the comfort session into a sleepover, much to Sohee’s joy. She was enjoying the night with her favorite aunties and uncles, the thoughts of what happened previously that day slipping from her mind, as they indulged her in all her favorite movies and foods. Allowing for a day to get their minds off of what was happening around them, allowing them to only have fun, despite the crazy world and things going on outside their door.

It had been just over a week since that day, since the day Sunghoon ran, leaving you alone in the house with a daughter who had just called him dad for the first time. When your phone rang, you thought you were being scammed as the unknown caller popped up on the phone, deciding it was better to not answer the call, assuming it was probably someone calling to let you know your car’s warranty was set to expire soon. Yet, the number called back once it went to voicemail, causing you to ignore it once more. Whoever it was, however did not give up, after that call went to voicemail, they sent you a message. It was only then that you read what it said, ‘hey it’s Jake, I know I’m probably the last person you want to talk to right now, but can we meet up’. On the list of people you thought would be behind the unknown caller, some random telemarketer or an automated voice caller, Jake was not even considered to be on that list, especially after how he yelled at you during your last time together. 

For some reason, you found yourself agreeing to meet up with him, sitting at the table alone, you waited for him. Jay sat only a few tables down, playing with Sohee, luckily he had gone on his break and did not mind keeping the little girl company as you spoke to Jake. Jay himself was confused when you told him Jake reached out, after everything had gone down, Jake still had not opened up to the idea of being around you or speaking to you. Even now months later, Jay and Sunoo were the only ones of their friend group you spoke to; Heeseung was just never really a friend of yours, meanwhile Jake still seemed to harbor a hatred towards you.

Watching as Jay and Sohee talked, listening to her ramble, you made a mental note to invite Jay the next time all your friends go out. Jay and your conversations had mostly been restricted to text only, yet you had grown close enough, to the point that you trusted him to watch Sohee, so he would be a welcome addition the next time you all go out, that is if he is not working. Watching the two of them only lasted for a few minutes, as you heard the chair around you scrape against the floor as it was pulled from the table, Jake taking a seat. He sat there silently, almost mimicking your own silence. Neither of you wanted to be the one to break the silence, neither of you wanted to be the one to speak first. 

"I think I owe you an apology." Jake said quickly, being the first person to break the ice. You could tell that thought was on his mind, even if Jay was not sitting only ten feet away, staring daggers into the floppy haired man’s back. Jake genuinely was, after learning everything, he felt like shit for everything he said to you in anger. He just could never put his feelings into words, like how does one say sorry I was a dumbass without sounding like a dumbass.

Hearing the words slip from his mouth, all you could do was shake your head at the useless apology. "You don't have anything to be sorry for." You simply told him, “You said what you said, and I know you were only wanting to protect your best friend.” You continued. “I mean, I had hurt him once, you just didn’t want him to be hurt again. I’d do the same for my friends.”

Jake silently nodded, not really knowing how he planned this meeting to go, he was really sorry, but he was unsure of how to get you to believe it. “I shouldn’t have spoken on something I didn’t know, but I did, and now you are the one hurt.” He said, regretting his choice of words, as you obviously had a negative reaction to his words. “I just, Sunghoon’s a complete and total idiot, and I know you won’t believe me, but I really think what he did was wrong.” He tried to explain. “Sunghoon immediately freaked out in our group chat, and I know he’s going through it, but I can only imagine you are going through it worse, and even though I have no part in this I’m sorry, and I just, I just wanted to let you know I’m sorry and that Sunghoon’s just an idiot, don’t hate him for this.” Jake said, his words turning into a long ramble of words. 

With a sharp breath from your nose, you thought about what he said. “This would mean a whole lot more coming from him, not you. That’s like me apologizing for Yuna breaking your heart back in high school. It is not your place to apologize, you're not the one that ran out in terror after having the child you’ve been bonding with for months call you dad. You're not the one who ignored all my texts and calls wondering what was going on, since you ran out so abruptly I thought maybe something had happened. You’re not the one who broke my heart, or it at least seems like it.” Hearing your words, you see Jake give you an odd look, looking almost like a confused puppy. “I’m not sure whether he broke my heart, or if he helped me dodge a bullet, since I’d rather him run away before Sohee gets too used to him being in her life, than him run once she gets comfortable with him being her dad.”

Jake was quick to shake his head, hearing each word from your mouth broke his heart a little more each time. He had no children, and hoped to keep it that way at the time being, but hearing how you spoke so lowly of Sunghoon hurt, yet he can understand where you are coming from with your ideas. “You aren’t dodging a bullet. There is no bullet to dodge. Instead, you have an idiot that is uncontrollably and irrevocably in love with you, his heart belongs to no one except you, and it can never belong to another. He’s an idiot that is so in love with you, he loves his daughter so much, but he got overwhelmed, and he overreacted.” Jake pauses, unsure of what to say next, before deciding upon one thing. “Just hear him out, I know you may feel hurt, you may feel like he did it on purpose, but just hear him out. He’s just a giant idiot who got overwhelmed, just hear him out before you decide to cut him out of your life.”

Hearing Jake’s plea, you simply nodded, deciding this had gone on long enough, and you needed to get home. “We’ll see,” You simply said, standing up, staring towards the table Sohee and Jay sat at. “Thank you for watching her.” You told Jay as Sohee jumped up to come to you, running back to hug her new uncle Jay before the two of you left. Sohee had taken to Jay quickly, he was much calmer and more quiet than her other uncles Sunoo and Jungwon, and seeing how he had taken to her, you knew he would be included within your friend hangouts more often. Leaving the cafe, the only thing on your mind was whether to take Jake seriously, should you hear him out, should you give him once chance, give him one chance like he had given you.

At first you thought you were seeing things when you heard the knock at the door, and upon checking the doorbell camera, saw him standing there, shifting foot to foot, obviously feeling uncomfortable at this scene. However, this was a scene of his own being, he caused this himself, and therefore he needed to deal with it himself. The trip to the door was slow, luckily Sohee had just been put down for her afternoon nap, otherwise it would have been a much more awkward talk with him. She did not understand what was going on, why Sunghoon suddenly left, and why he had not been around the past week. He had become a common figure within your home, always visiting to see Sohee and yourself, so it was odd to have gone over a week without him gracing your house with his presence. But at this time, his presence would have not been welcome, nor would it have been a gift. 

Finally opening the door, there he was, staring right back at you. Sunghoon was quick to step into the house, following you into the living room. The scene was a familiar one, except this time, he knew about Sohee and he also knew you had been back for a while. This time it was not about you keeping secrets from him, it was instead about himself, and the tone shift in the scene made that obvious, rather than anger filling the air, it was resentment. Sunghoon regretted how he acted, and you could tell that, yet, it was going to take more than just a simple apology to get you to forgive him in this circumstance. 

“I’m sorry,” Sunghoon started, he planned to come in and apologize and open his heart up to you, but the words felt lost in his throat. His head was empty, finally seeing you made him forget everything he had previously rehearsed in the mirror. The grand apology and promises he planned to make never came out, instead he just trailed off, leaving you with complete silence.

Staring Sunghoon in the face, you found yourself unable to keep eye contact with him. He runs away when Sohee finally calls him dad, then he comes back just expecting you to forgive him and let him back into your life, back into Sohee’s life. “Oh, you’re sorry. Oh, that helps so much, a simple apology doesn’t do anything to help what you’ve done. You hurt me, worst of all, you hurt our daughter. You didn’t even think about your actions, you just ran, and what sat around until you decided you messed up, thinking you would come running back to me and I would accept you with open arms. You have another thing coming, it would be one thing if you hurt me, but you didn’t just hurt me.” You started to rant, the look on Sunghoon’s face contorting as you hit him where it hurts, but you did not stop there. “If you had only hurt me, I would have just accepted it as revenge for me doing the same thing all those years ago, when I left you when I found out I was pregnant. I would have just assumed you were a horrible person who wanted revenge on me in the same way I hurt you, and I would have gotten over it. You probably could have come and apologized, and I would have fallen right into your arms again, since I am so in love with you. But you didn’t just hurt me.” 

Taking a breath, Sunghoon looked like he was going to start talking, but you quickly cut him off. “You hurt our daughter, no, you hurt my daughter, you hurt the only thing I have that keeps me going. I may have thought you were a horrible person, but no you’re evil and vindictive, the fact that you hurt her to hurt me, you hurt me through hurting her, only someone that is genuinely an evil person would do that to a three year old. If you decided you were not willing to be part of her life, to be part of this family, you should have left without a single word, instead you hurt my child.” You continued to yell at him, seeing the tears welling in his eyes did nothing to calm or stop your words. “Do you know how it feels to have a three year old ask you why her dad doesn’t love her? Do you know how it feels to have your own daughter ask you why her dad ran away and hasn’t come back? You don’t, because all you think about is yourself, but that doesn’t mean you aren’t hurting others while you do that.” The adrenaline from the yelling was starting to wear off as you stopped screaming, your voice became soft, almost broken. “After all these years, after everything you’ve done, I still love you, but I don’t know if I can fully trust you again.” 

Hearing your last sentence broke any resolve that Sunghoon had built up in his body, the words being the exact same words he had told you months ago. “Yell at me all you want. Hate me all you want. I know I deserve it. I never meant to hurt you. I never meant to hurt Sohee.” He started, the tears silently starting to fall down his face. “I just, she called me dad and something in me just broke. The idea of commitment and forever and the future, it just paralyzed me. I know this isn’t an excuse, I don’t think I’d forgive myself for it either, and I wouldn’t judge you if you never forgive, but please, just hear me out. “ He started to plead, wanting nothing more than for you to hear him out, to let him get everything on his heart out into the open. “I deserve everything you said to be, each and every word of it. The idea of commitment scared me, the thought of having a child that would rely on me, but after I ran, it hit me that you had to face that head on, you had to be the person that child would rely on since I wasn’t there. It finally hit me that, I’d rather be by your side, I would rather be someone for you and our child, not your child, our child to rely on. I won’t leave your side. I’ll never stop proving to you that I love you, that I’ll never hurt you, again, that I’ll always be there for you.” 

Sunghoon took a breath, a hand harshly wiping his face, before he started again, seeming like he was compiling his thoughts before continuing. “Just give me one chance, one chance to prove I won’t do anything like that ever again. One chance to prove I love you. One chance to prove I love Sohee. One chance to be the father she deserves. One chance to be the love of your life again. One chance to prove to you that I am serious about this, that I am serious about you.” He said, stepping forward, he found himself taking your hands, immediately finding himself on his knees, in front of the seat you sat in, ready to beg you for another chance. “Please, just one chance, let me earn your trust, I’ll do whatever it takes, spend as long as it takes, just give me one chance to prove that your love is placed right with me, that I can be the man you need and the father our daughter deserves.” Sunghoon pleaded, staring up at you, just waiting for an answer.

It was hard to hide the look of confusion as Sunghoon got in front of you, literally on his knees begging. The Sunghoon you knew as a teenager would have never reduced himself to begging, let alone begging on his knees. This action alone, let you know that you were not talking to teenager Sunghoon, not even young adult Sunghoon, it was like he has aged years within a few days, like a new maturity had taken over his brain, taking hold and leaving him with this new rush of maturity and desire to do anything to please you and his daughter. Despite the desire to tell him to leave, to tell him to fuck off, and to laugh in face as he begged you for a chance, it honestly would have been hypocritical on your part. Not even six months ago, you were the one begging him for a chance, and now here he was being the one begging. “One chance. You have one chance, and if you screw it up, you will never be in either Sohee’s life or my own, ever again.” You said to him, this was much more than just you hurting him and him hurting you, he had hurt your daughter, and it was not for the part of your brain that wanted the two of you to work things out, you would have not forgiven him. “Get up, you look like an idiot on the floor,” you muttered, wrenching your hands from his, before standing up. 

Sunghoon was quick to find his own way to his feet, just staring down at you, unable to stop the smile from crossing his features. “That’s all I need. I will make sure to earn your trust back.” He said, the resolve was regrowing within his being, and he planned to make sure he was never the reason behind your tears again, only wanting to bring you and his daughter joy.

Seeing Sunghoon run around the park, chasing after the rambunctious three year old, it felt like repeating history. This scene was one you had seen before, before you had convinced him with your one chance that you really did love him, that you would not leave him, and that you were serious about him. This time however, the roles were reversed, he tried his best to convince you that he loved you and Sohee, that he would not leave you and Sohee, and that he was serious about being with you and around Sohee. He seemed to be taking what you told him to heart, everything about how he would never see you or Sohee again was nothing but talk, you did not have the heart to separate that man from her, especially if he truly wanted to see her. You were just as lovesick as he was, the only difference being you had another person to prioritize, putting what was best for Sohee before what was best for yourself. Honestly, you felt like this was what was best for her, being around her father, her father being in her life, Sunghoon and yourself being a happy couple she could proudly call her parents.

A laugh slipped from your lips as Sunghoon fell while chasing the toddler, he tripped over something, dramatically crying out as Sohee jumped on top of him. The two were playing like nothing happened the weeks prior, like Sunghoon had not iced you out for over a week, like Sunghoon had not run off the moment Sohee called him what he was to her, like none of it had happened. You wish you could forget things as easily as she did. Someone might do her wrong, she pouts for a day or so, then it is like nothing ever happened. You were unsure whether she was just forgetting, or maybe if she was forgiving, but either way you wished your heart was as simple to work as hers was. Maybe then your brain would not keep sending you various thoughts of him doing it again, of him working his way into your lives just to ditch you once more. You would rather lose him before he found his way into every aspect of your life, than to start the whole coparenting thing, just for him to decide he did not really want this at all. 

It has officially been a month since Sunghoon’s fear took him over and he ran out. During the past three weeks, he has tried his best to prove to you that he is serious. Yet, despite his actions, part of you still fears him doing it again. You hurt him so badly when you left, you ruined his career without even knowing it, so part of your brain thinks he will want revenge, he will want to hurt you worse than you did him. Even after all these months, the fear still courses through your veins, the idea of how easily he could destroy you if he so desired. During this time of rebuilding, Sunghoon had done nothing to show he would, there was no hesitation or second thoughts, but that did not prevent the thoughts from clouding your mind, how easily he could leave once more. How easily he could destroy the little bit of happiness you had built up. How easily he could hurt you in the worst way, through hurting little Sohee. 

Sohee seemed to have none of these fears, instead happily playing with Sunghoon as though nothing had happened. Even the other mothers at the park had taken notice of the extremely attractive man playing with his daughter. Throughout the day, you spent your time passively agreeing and listening to the mothers speak. Some commenting how his little girl looks just like him, a resemblance that even you could only just agree about. Others commented on how happily he seemed to be playing with his little girl, adding snarky remarks about how their own husbands would rather play video games than with their children. The last most common remark of all, was how he seemed to be such a great dad, how he had a great relationship with his daughter, and how they wish their husband was like that. Those comments hurt the most, not because people thought you were married to him, but because that relationship was hanging in the balance, just stuck on a frayed thread, easily able to be cut down. He might play the role of model father in this moment, but only one more mistake on his part, and there would no longer be a father in Sohee’s life, he would no longer be a fixture in his daughter’s life, and you would feel no remorse removing him from your own life. 

It was not long before you heard the sound of a squeal, Sohee running straight towards you as she always did when she was ready to leave the park. At some point you could only guess she had talked Sunghoon into chasing her, since as you looked up the lanky figure was trying his best to get up from the slide, the one Sohee had probably run from moments prior. Sohee was quick to climb into your lap, her little arms wrapping around your neck the best they could, as she hugged you, the two of you watching as Sunghoon finally made his way over from the jungle gym to where you sat. “Ice cream please?” Sohee’s voice was quick to ask, once Sunghoon was within earshot of where you two sat. The pouting look on Sohee’s face let you know she was going to get it even if you told her no. One thing you learned quickly was that Sunghoon had no resolve when it came to telling her no. All Sohee would do is look at him with her wide eyes and her pouty lips, and he would fold faster than a folding chair.

 “After you eat lunch, okay honey.” Sunghoon was quick to reply, as he finally made his way to the bench you were sitting on, having had to walk halfway across the park from where Sohee had run away from him. 

Looking up at his words, it was odd, he usually was the first to say yes and of course, so his reply took you by surprise. Nodding your head, you were quick to agree with his words, as Sohee looked up at you, wanting a different answer. “After lunch.” You confirmed, watching as Sunghoon picked up the pouting toddler, before extending his own hand towards you. Taking it, he helped you to your feet. Despite all the thoughts running through your mind, as your fingers intertwined with his, you felt like it was where you belonged, where you should be, and where you should stay. 

Your hands were quick to start hanging between the two of you, Sunghoon simply tugging on yours to pull you closer, before his hand found its way around your waist. It was moments like this that made you want to forget it all, forget how he ran out on you and on Sohee, forget how he got overwhelmed and freaked out the moment Sohee had called him dad. The sweet moments like walking through the park, Sohee on Sunghoon’s hip, and his arm around your waist almost made it worth risking, risking it all, just to keep this happiness and joy within your soul permanently. 

Venturing into the fairgrounds, it was like deja vu. Six years ago, Sunghoon and yourself were sent to the same fair to get closer. Now you were together, you had a three year old, you were in college, and so many other things. It seemed like a full circle moment to be honest. Things between the two of you started at a fair, and with how things were going, you felt things as a family were to start at this fair as well. Sunghoon had worked for months to make sure you felt he was not going to leave, doing anything and everything for Sohee and yourself. Honestly, you felt like you would have immediately given in and fully taken him back months ago, but for the sake of Sohee, you held out. 

The scene was reminiscent of that day all those years ago. Sunghoon clutched onto your hand as he dragged you around the carnival, one hand in yours, while the other hand carried your daughter. Hearing the excited chatter between the two of them, you were unsure whether it was Sohee or Sunghoon that seemed more excited about the plethora of rides and games abound. Sohee was happily telling Sunghoon all about the pretty horses she could see on the carousel, he interestedly listening and responding, as she explained to him which color of horse she wanted to ride, even going as far as to rank the horses on their colors. Due to her excitement, you could tell that was directly where he was leading the two of you too. 

Luckily Sunghoon had the premonition to come to the carnival early, meaning there were few people around, allowing there to be no wait time for many of the rides. As the two of them joined the short line that waited for the ride to finish, you took a seat on a nearby bench. Quickly your phone was pulled out, you taking a few photos of the two of them waiting in line. Sohee was talking animatedly, pointing to the horses as she spoke, while Sunghoon gazed down at her, hanging onto each and every word he said. The look he stared at her with was one you recognized, it was one that he looked at you with, looking down at you as though you were his whole world. Which, honestly, to him Sohee and yourself were his whole entire world. Despite the tumultuous relationship the two of you had, he was unsure of what he would do with himself if he woke up one day and you were gone. He was unable to move on after your short lived high school relationship, and he was sure as hell that he would never move on if anything happened to Sohee or you. 

The photo was quickly sent to your group chat, your friends immediately fawning over the sweet photo of Sohee and her father. As they sent various texts, you noticed that the line had started to move, as Sunghoon climbed onto the ride, quickly going to the horse that Sohee had expressed the most interest in being on. Photos were taken as he stood by her, holding her as she sat on the horse, the child ecstatic about where she was, what she was doing, and who she was with. Sending the photos, you even quickly took a small video, Sohee clapping in excitement as the ride started to go around. The group chat was reacting as you expected, the common messages calling their niece adorable, saying send more photos and all. As you went to turn your phone off for the moment, one message caught your attention, it was from a newly added member to the Sohee’s Aunties and Uncles group chat, Jake. Softly laughing as you read his message, ‘if he ever leaves you and Sohee again I’m gonna fuck him up’, before he quickly sent another, ‘i would commit arson to see that smile’, ‘she’s too precious’, closing your phone for the moment, you ignored the plethora of messages, probably trying to talk Jake out of commiting arson. 

Standing up as you heard the ride come to a stop, you found yourself waiting for the two as Sunghoon exited the ride, Sohee upon his hip once more. Listening as Sohee excitedly chatter about the ride, how much fun it was, how much she loves the carnival, and how much she loves the horses, the three of you found yourself just walking around the carnival grounds. Walking around, trying to find more of the child safe rides for little Sohee, you found yourself in front of the inflatables, which Sunghoon quickly agreed to accompany Sohee on. Despite how much you loved her and would give her everything she wanted, Sunghoon was even worse. He may have not officially been her father for very long, but you could tell she was soon going to turn into a daddy’s girl, since he would do anything to make her happy. Watching as his lanky figure crawled into the inflatable obstacle course, you brought your phone out, filming as he followed Sohee through, helping her in the parts she needed assistance in, while just following her throughout the rest. 

As Sohee bounced around the bounce house at the end, Sunghoon stood outside of the inflatable house, attempting to catch his breath after having chased Sohee around for about ten minutes. Sending the video to your friends, it did not take long for you to hear a voice, an elderly female carnival worker, sitting at one of the information booths nearby. “What a cute couple,” She started, before seeing the little long haired girl climbing out of the bounce house, hastily running up to Sunghoon for him to pick her up. “And what an adorable little girl.” She added. This gave you an odd sense of deja vu, reminding you of the first moment Sunghoon and yourself had been referenced as a couple, at the carnival all those years ago. Yet at that time, you were not one, nodding your head at her compliment, you went to join the two of them, knowing that this time you were, you happily were.

Leaving the inflatables, you were in front of a food stand before you knew it. Sohee tugged at your sleeve before tugging at Sunghoon’s hand, the small child begging for cotton candy, to your surprise, you listened when Sunghoon told her she needed to eat real food before candy. The three of you soon sat at a table, Sohee sitting in Sunghoon’s lap, as you sat across from them. Food from one of the food stands on the table in front of you, the three of you enjoying the food, before Sohee got the one item that she said would change her life, the large cotton candy stick with a bulb of candy bigger than her head. 

Watching as Sunghoon assisted her in eating it, you were unable to stop the feeling of warmth that was taking over, radiating out from your heart into your limbs. The warmth taking over your being, the joy from seeing the two of them, just made you feel so happy. Only a year ago you would have gone at everything alone, knowing that one parent was all Sohee would ever have. But the time changes so fast, everything can change in a blink of an eye, and before you knew it, you were back home and no longer going at it alone. Sohee was finally getting the happy family she deserved all these years, with a caring set of parents. Despite your initial reservations about fully introducing Sunghoon as her dad, he was quick to prove that your trust in him was well founded, and that he was going to be there not only for her, but also for you. It was a lovely feeling, the joy of being a full proper little family. Yet, the only downside was the feeling in your heart that you robbed Sohee of this for three years, all those years you spent abroad, thinking it was for the best, but now knowing it was not.

Sunghoon had just barely cleared the table and cleaned Sohee’s face of the sugary treat, when she was bouncing around once more, tugging at his sleeve, expressing her desire to go on other rides. This was how you found yourself sitting in the carriage of the ferris wheel, Sohee sitting in between yourself and Sunghoon, watching as the ride went higher and higher up into the air. The view was stunning, the only thing you wished was that it was night instead of early afternoon, that way it would be even more gorgeous. Staring out at the skyline, Sohee was enamored, watching as everything got bigger, then smaller, then soon you were on the ground once more. Hand intertwined with Sunghoon’s, as he picked her up, his hand pulled you close, before moving from your own hand, to wrap around your waist. “If the carnival is still in town next time we have a date night, I’m bringing you, so we can have that cute picturesque kiss atop the ferris wheel, while surrounded by the night lights.” Sunghoon softly whispered into your ear, before whisking you away to another game.

The scene was reminiscent of your first carnival with him all those years ago, except instead of you having your sights set on a specific stuffed animal, instead Sohee had decided her grey bunny needed a friend, specifically a light brown bunny hanging up at one of the stalls. Watching him as Sohee was on your hip as you held her, allowing her to watch Sunghoon’s attempts at winning her the toy. It felt like what the scene all those years ago must have felt like, he watched as you struggled to win, only to win it for you, the only difference this time being that he was winning it for your daughter, not for yourself. Sohee clapped as Sunghoon finally won, only taking five attempts before he did the unthinkable, actually winning at the somewhat rigged carnival game. A smile was automatically upon your face, as Sunghoon took Sohee from you with ease, giving her the item of her desire, watching the small child’s face lighten up, before clinging to her father’s neck in joy. 

The day continued on until the early evening, once the salary men started to flood the carnival with their families and children, you decided it was best to end things then, rather than staying and possibly getting lost in the ever growing crowd. Starting to make your way out of the carnival grounds, your hand stayed clutched within his, as he carried Sohee. Sunghoon leads you through the crowds of people, making sure to ensure that the two of you never get separated at any point. Before long, the two of you were buckling Sohee into the car seat within Sunghoon’s car, he had bought one once he decided he was in it for life, once he decided the two of you were his forever, and he would never want that to change.

Before you knew it, Sunghoon was carrying a sleeping Sohee up to his apartment, making sure not to wake the sleeping child, before laying her onto his sofa and placing a blanket on her. Sitting in his lap, the two of you relaxed in the recliner, just watching your sweet little girl sleep. The two of you sat, silent, just completely enamored with the small child, knowing that no matter what might come, you had one another, you had each other, and that was all you needed. Soon, you felt his lips against yours, the kiss felt of nothing more than joy and love. As he pulled away attempting to kiss your forehead, you instead grabbed his face, moving it right back to where it was moments prior, kissing him this time.

Feeling your lips against his, Sunghoon could only feel the joy from the action, no matter how simple the motion may be, each time your lips met his it was like his heart was doing backflips, his soul was singing praises, and his brain was going into overdrive. “If you do that one more time I don’t think I’ll be able to control myself.” He muttered, once the two of you finally broke apart, earning a soft laugh from yourself, before you leaned up, reconnecting your lips to his once more. 

As your lips met his, you smiled into the kiss, feeling his arms finally wrapping around your waist, trying to erase any space that there was between the two of you. This time you were the first to separate the kiss, moving away from him, smiling as he responded by pecking your nose before pecking your forehead, causing another laugh to slip from your lips. “I think we both know what happened last time you couldn’t control yourself.” You jokingly said to him, eliciting a laugh from him this time.

“Hey, maybe she’d like a sibling,” Sunghoon was quick to add, his eyes casting over to where Sohee laid, sleeping peacefully on the sofa of Sunghoon’s apartment. With a soft laugh, your lips found themselves pressed against his once more, the slower this time, sweeter, the love easily flowing through the contact of your lips. “I guess I’m finally out of the dog house?” He softly asked, enjoying the joy that came from laying together with you, like all was right in the world, which all was, since you were his world.

Sitting up, you gave him a look of thought, thinking about his words, deciding whether he had actually earned the right to unlimited access to yourself and Sohee once more. “Thin ice.” You said after a moment. “But, I don’t think it’s gonna break any time soon.” You told him, knowing that he may have not fully earned your trust back, but he was as close to having fully earned it back as one could be, and you knew that he would not stop. He was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with you and your daughter, and you knew that he would not do anything to hurt you again.

Nodding his head, he simply pecked your forehead, pulling you against his chest once more. “I’ll take it.” He said, before kissing the top of your forehead. “And I’ll never stop proving it to you.” 

Laying against his chest, you felt his arms wrapping around you, feeling safe within his arms, you felt safe with him owning your heart, since he had worked to prove to you that it was the right move. A move you knew that you would not come to regret in the upcoming years, finally giving sweet little Sohee the family she deserved, and yourself the love that you deserved. 

[seungkwanslowqualityenglish]

Awwwwwe thank you 💜💜💜💜💜 I hope you had a great birthday 💜💜💜💓💖💝💜💜💜

Boyfriend!Sungchan

Who: Sungchan (NCT)

Word Count: 3.1k

Genre: Fluff / Boyfriend AU

Warnings: N/A

Request: No

Happy birthday @jwisungchan​. 

When you first met Sungchan, it was a rather awkward meeting.

Like he somehow literally ran you over and knocked you down in the middle of the supermarket.

Like he is really so tall he somehow didn’t see you, and he just like completely plowed over you in the middle of the store while reaching for the kind of chips he wanted.

As soon as he realizes you were there and saw you hit the floor he was instantly gobsmacked, like omg he did this, he caused this.

After a moment of initial shock he would instantly become more worried than he really needs to be.

You then received about ten minutes of attention from this stranger as he helped you up, repeatedly apologized, and made sure you were okay.

He’s like one second away from calling an ambulance even though he just knocked you over and it wasn’t that bad.

Keep reading

[seungkwanslowqualityenglish]

Boyfriend!Sungchan

Who: Sungchan (NCT)

Word Count: 3.1k

Genre: Fluff / Boyfriend AU

Warnings: N/A

Request: No

Happy birthday @jwisungchan​. 

When you first met Sungchan, it was a rather awkward meeting.

Like he somehow literally ran you over and knocked you down in the middle of the supermarket.

Like he is really so tall he somehow didn’t see you, and he just like completely plowed over you in the middle of the store while reaching for the kind of chips he wanted.

As soon as he realizes you were there and saw you hit the floor he was instantly gobsmacked, like omg he did this, he caused this.

After a moment of initial shock he would instantly become more worried than he really needs to be.

You then received about ten minutes of attention from this stranger as he helped you up, repeatedly apologized, and made sure you were okay.

He’s like one second away from calling an ambulance even though he just knocked you over and it wasn’t that bad.

To an outsider they would think that he hit you with his car with how much he is overreacting and making such a big deal out of seemingly nothing.

You only got his name after he apologized for like ten minutes, then he finally told you his name was Sungchan.

That was the start of an awkward acquaintanceship with him.

The both of you always seemed to run into each other in the supermarket, maybe it was just that you had similar schedules, or maybe he just lived near that certain supermarket.

He would never admit it but after the first meeting, he started coming to that supermarket on purpose hoping he might see you again.

And see you again he did, many times, luckily these times were not because he knocked you over.

It was about the tenth time before something happened that was more than just the both of you acknowledging the other. 

Sungchan had been pretty distracted talking to you, somehow over all the coincidently meetings you had started to form somewhat of a friendship. 

Out of nowhere someone ran down the aisle, their cart speeding ahead of them as they ran, seeing the cart, you took a step back before tugging Sungchan towards you, out of the path of the cart, that he was so oblivious he hadn’t noticed was coming this way.

After that, the two of you decided maybe there were better places to stop and converse than the middle of the busy supermarket, the both of you instead deciding to meet at the near park.

That was the start of your true friendship, it all started as you were both sitting on the park bench, talking away till well past midnight.

The only reason you stopped talking was once you realized how late it was, both admitting they should probably go home, but not before switching numbers and planning to meet up tomorrow.

Tomorrow turned into next week, which turned into next month, before long, the two of you had been meeting up to hang out for about six months.

Something had changed between the two of you, but it was something you couldn’t point out, and part of you didn’t want to, since what if he didn’t feel the same, what if it ruined your friendship.

You two had plans to meet and go to the park where your friendship first blossomed, but something had came up, causing you to cancel on him unexpectedly, but he understood that sometimes those things happen.

This was the time you realized that maybe it was worth it, you texted him asking him if he wanted to go out on a date with you.

To say he was confused would be an understatement, since instead of what you expected, he replied asking when you wanted to hangout.

After correcting him and a few more texts of confusion from him, he finally understood what you were asking, and the two of you had plans to go on your first official date at one of the cafes in the area.

To say the date went well would be an understatement, the two of you seemed like you had been together longer, well that’s what the elderly café owner said.

That was the first of many dates with him, before the two of you just finally decided to make things official, since by that point you were basically dating, just not officially. 

The first time you called Sungchan your boyfriend, he started acting a bit awkward, like you called him something really nice and he didn’t exactly know whether you wanted him to do the same or not.

Before long he finally did call you his significant other, and it didn’t take long for the pet names to start.

Most he says as a joke, like when he calls you his sweet potato pie, but he’ll never admit to you that your name in his contacts is something like babe.

If you say something like pet names are stupid, he’ll agree with you, but still call you babe five seconds later, and the truth is, you don’t really mind that.

Probably does something like purposely leaving his hoodies at your house in the hopes you’ll wear them.

Gets to the point you have like half his hoodies so he has to take some back, but still leaves some for you to wear.

When you first notice he left his hoodie, the first thing you did was text him telling him he forgot it, you were hoping he would comeback to get it, but instead he just told you to bring it next time you two get together, he was hoping you’d wear it, but instead you just brought it in your backpack and gave it to him.

It took him blatantly telling you that he liked seeing you wear his jackets, that you finally realized why he was leaving them and all, since he liked seeing you wear his jackets.

The both of you aren’t big on couple items, like matching outfits and all, no, not for you.

But you both have matching phone charms and couple necklaces, just something small and discrete, like you like it.

Meeting Sungchan’s friends would be crazy, he doesn’t let you meet all 22 at once, he doesn’t want to scare you away, instead he introduces them to you in small doses. 

Taeyong and Taeil here, Jaemin and Shotaro there, just two or three at a time, before inviting you around groups of 5 and 6, before long all 22.

It was odd meeting his friends, like wow he has 22 friends, rather than finding that odd, you found yourself more envious than anything, like he has 22 friends that he can go to with stuff, compared to your few.

Most were really nice, and after a few months, you had became close to them as well.

They spare no chance to clown Sungchan, especially since the 23 of you have a group chat without him, it was started as a way to plan his birthday, but soon turned into the Sungchan signal group chat.

It’ll be like 2 in the morning, and one of them will send me a message saying Sungchan mentioned he misses them, or it’ll be 7 at night and one of them will message asking you to come get Sungchan, they won’t admit it but it’s because they are getting tired at him constantly beating them in their video game.

Sungchan might be basically a giant, but he will not pass up an opportunity to cuddle, like you in his arms or he in your arms, yes.

He isn’t shy about it either, like you’ll sit on the sofa by him and somehow five minutes later are tangled up in his arms, laying against his chest.

Also, you both will totally fall asleep like that, like the moment your head hits his chest or his head hits yours, it’s over, like you better not have anything planned other than a like five hour long nap.

The both of you always start movies and tv shows together, but you can never finish them. 

You wake up four hours later, Netflix is playing episode 5, but you didn’t even finish episode one before falling asleep. 

While laying on his chest, he will play with your hair if you let him, and when he is laying on your chest, he would love it if you played with his hair.

He always tries to show interest in things you like, but sometimes that can be a bit of a problem.

He’ll become literally obsessed with things you vaguely mentioned liking once, and you just don’t have the heart to tell him you don’t like knitting anymore, but like he already got all this knitting stuff and he’s watching knitting youtube tutorials and he’s so excited, that’s how you end up knitting a huge lopsided blanket that stays on your sofa.

He would show a lot of interest in what you like, and honestly if you showed interest in his hobbies, he would be so overdramatic all you don’t need to like what I like, and when you keep pushing it, he finally accepts it, and he just like falls for you even more.

The both of you would get into things that neither of you were in before, but things never last long, the hobbies changing constantly.

Like the leatherworking classes you took weren’t that fun, cheesemaking didn’t last after you found out there wasn’t a tasting section in the class, painting was okay until you both realized you were a little too playful for a class area, and so forth.

When he first meets your parents, he is going to be scared, like what should he bring, what should he say, how should he act, the whole thing.

He probably shows up with like twenty things for your parents, like he didn’t know what kind of wine they like, so he bought red, white, rose, champagne, and nonalcoholic, he didn’t know what flowers your mom would like, so he brings a bouquet bigger than really needed, probably also brings some dessert or something else. 

Meeting your parents was extremely stressful to him, however all would go well, he would enchant your parents as he had you, and his worry was unfounded.

Meeting his parents would be easy, he would have probably already introduced you to them at some point before having dinner with them the first time, that would easily accept you without question.

The first time he kisses you will probably be straight out of a drama, like spare the cherry blossoms that just happen to be falling, straight out of a drama. 

It would probably be after a date, just as the night is starting, you’d notice him staring near your mouth a lot, before you just tell him he can kiss you if he wants to.

He would be embarrassed you caught him doing that, but nonetheless, kiss you anyways.

His kisses would be tentative, he’d be hesitant not wanting to cross any boundaries or go too far.

Rather than kissing your lips, he’d probably kiss the edge of your lips or your cheek more than likely. 

Will kiss you all over your face everywhere but your lips, then when you get impatient you kiss him, he’s just like now calm down there needy.

Can and will tease you for anything and everything, but also knows when to stop.

He’ll do it for a laugh from you, but never go so far it makes you mad or angry at him.

If you two were mad at each other and fighting, he’d probably try to avoid the problem in all.

Like he’d isolate himself from you, going somewhere you aren’t, even if that means leaving the house, to keep from making it worse.

He wouldn’t be the first to apologize, he’d probably wait for you to, and when you don’t since you weren’t wrong, he’d talk about it to his friends and receive 22 comments calling him a dumbass that needs to apologize or at least work through it.

He would then apologize after he realizes how stupid he has been being.

Fights might last a day or so, but rarely over a week, both of you just mutually agree you are right and that the argument is a draw since you miss each other but neither will admit they are wrong.

Would love treating you to something after any argument, or even just him thinking you are mad at him.

Like you didn’t give him his usual good morning kiss, therefore you must be mad at him, so he offers to take you to a cat cafe or dog cafe or something so you aren’t mad at him anymore.

Overthinks everything, like you fail to text him good morning one day, and within thirty minutes he is on your doorstep with tea or coffee, flowers, and your favorite pastry asking for your forgiveness for whatever he did.

He then feels like an idiot when you tell him the only reason you hadn’t texted him yet was because you overslept.

The king of, ask for forgiveness instead of permission regarding everything.

He shows up with a puppy without telling you he adopted one and is just like sorry I just thought we needed this little face in our lives, can you tell her no.

Or he rearranges your living room one day when you are at work and later is just like, you said you wanted to remodel your room, I did it so you wouldn’t have to waste the energy doing it.

You like that however, and you end up doing it as well.

It gets to the point that neither of you knows what they might walk into.

Like is Sungchan painting a room blue or are you bringing home twelve stray cats, who knows.

Sungchan would probably love cooking with you, even if you can’t cook, he has no problem teaching you.

He probably can’t cook much, but still will teach you the 3 recipes he knows, and in exchange wants you to teach him recipes you know.

Will go out of his way to learn to make things from your culture if it isn’t the same as his.

He might mess it up a few times, but he’ll try his best which is what matters.

He’d be the most helpful around the house, pretty much doing whatever you ask him to without question.

Like ask him to clean the bathroom while you clean the kitchen, just show him the supplies and he’s got it.

He wouldn’t allow you to clean the house alone, he has to help, even if you are just like oh I’m almost done, he’s just like no must help.

The way he sees it, the faster the cleaning gets done, the quicker the cuddling and watching tv can happen.

Despite how helpful he can be, there would also be little things he does that you hate.

Putting cups on the top shelf since he can reach them, but not thinking about you being unable to since you are shorter than him.

Putting everyday items on the highest shelf since it’s not the highest shelf to him, but you aren’t six feet tall like him.

He doesn’t do it on purpose, it’s just a habit of his he can’t seem to break, he doesn’t even really think when he does it, he just does it without thinking, hey I wonder if they can reach things.

It wouldn’t be until you fall off the counter trying to get a mug and he ends up bandaging your wounds and helping you get better that he realizes what he does.

From then on he promises to put all the stuff on lower shelves, like something about you getting injured trying to reach the items he put on the highest shelf just rubs him wrong and he makes it his mission from then on to never use the highest shelf.

Well, there are a few exceptions, he’d probably hide presents he gets you on the top shelf in a way you can’t see it.

Most wouldn’t do that, like hiding a Christmas present in the top shelf in the kitchen, just asking for the person it is for to find it, but if you can’t see it, you can’t find it.

Would get oddly hyped for the holidays, like you don’t know what but each and every holiday he’s gotta go all out.

Pink and red hearts, flowers, candles, and candies everywhere for Valentine’s Day.

Spiders, webs, and all everywhere for Halloween.

Lights, trees, and all everywhere for Christmas.

Has a Christmas tree in every room, luckily most are small and just like sitting on a shelf.

Maximum mistletoe on the ceiling for maximum kisses. 

Can and will purposely get you stuck under the mistletoe and not let you move until you kiss him.

Gets really into all the holiday stuff, like baking and all as well. 

Doesn’t just build a gingerbread house with you, makes a whole gingerbread village and gives all the gingerbread people names and backstories.

Gets devastated when you eat Mr. Kim first since Mrs. Kim has already suffered enough, she lost both her children in a car wreck just weeks ago and has now lost her husband, completely confuses you and it ends in him explaining everyone and their dynamics to you.

Loves taking you to all those events that are only season, can not miss a single one either.

Taking you to Christmas markets, ice skating, summer fairs, spring festivals, fall fest, and all.

Will win or buy you at least one thing you didn’t need at each event.

Will waste fifty dollars playing fair games to win you the biggest teddy bear despite you telling him a hundred times you don’t need another bear.

Before long you start to run out of room so it’s like either build a shed, rent a storage room, or just start winning smaller things, so he decides maybe he doesn’t always have to win you the biggest bear. 

He would enjoy being with you at events like this, just wishing he had a way to document it other than just in his memory, one of his friends would then be like um cameras exist and he’s finally just like oh yeah.

Takes photos of you all the time, probably decides one day he wants to make you a scrapbook, but he just loves all the photos of you too much he can’t pick a few, so he just makes you a dvd with all the photos on it.

Really big on putting photos of you, maybe photos of you both if you talk him into it, around the house.

Your house looks like a middle aged couple’s house with photos of your children all on the wall, but if you look closely, it’s just your animals and you both.

In the end, you two would just be a soft cute couple.

[seungkwanslowqualityenglish]

cute

Going to the Pumpkin Patch With The Boyz

Warnings - nothing~

Genre - tried to make it as fluffy as possible

A/N - This is written in bullet point form and formatted sort of like a reaction. I wanted to talk about all the members so here we go. Happy autumn!

Keep reading

[seungkwanslowqualityenglish]

@ukulelewrites

위아이(WEi) ‘TWILIGHT’ M/V

[seungkwanslowqualityenglish]

Updated to include Inception era

Get To Know Ateez

Ateez is an 8 member group that debuted October 24, 2018 and are from KQ Entertainment, predebut they were known as KQ Fellaz. Atiny is their fandom, it means Ateez+Destiny.

The Members:

Kim Hongjoong

November 7, 1998

The leader of Ateez, also a rapper, vocalist, center, everything.

Nicknames are Hongleader and Minihongs.

He’s loves minions so he’s sometimes called Korean Big Minion, 

He’s not the oldest, but he is the shortest.

He composes a lot of Ateez’s songs.

He speaks English.

He was on Mixnine, he got ranked 42nd.

He once had a glorious mullet, r.i.p. mullet.

He’s our very hardworking leader who loves his members despite how much they clown him.

During the Genie Music Freezetag dance for Wave, the younger members literally just started stripping him, by the end of the dance he had lost his shoes, socks, and coat.

Claims to be 192 cm tall. (he’s not)

Park Seonghwa

April 3, 1998

The oldest, vocalist, visual.

Nickname is Angry Bird, Toothless, and Mars.

If a member is getting bullied it’s probably him or Hongjoong, but if Wooyoung is the one doing it then it is more than likely him.

He was originally a rapper but changed to a vocalist before debut.

He is the cleanest member.

His hobbies are cleaning and cooking.

He’s the one that comforts the other members.

He likes ASMR videos.

He does unnecessarily sexy dances to Baby Shark, and the members reactions are the best.

Just wants some steak.

On March 2rd, 2019 he asked his makeup artist to draw a red line on his right eye for HALA HALA, effectively attacking Atinys everywhere.

Yeosang just wants him to keep his damn tongue in his mouth. 

Jeong Yunho

March 23, 1999

The leader of 99 line, dancer, vocalist, tallest member.

Nicknames are Yunhogizer and Golden Retriever.

He loves Harry Potter a lot, like a lot.

He owns a Harry Potter wand.

He’s a puppy.

Yunho and Mingi have been friends for 5 years.

Does the cutest head twirl thing with Mingi.

He’s a teddybear and soft and just the cutest.

He’s so soft, like even with their somewhat dark concepts he’s still just the softest.

A genius performer. 

Kang Yeosang

June 15, 1999

Dancer, vocalist, visual.

Nicknames are Speaker of Facts and Hehemon.

He has the cutest birthmark on his left temple.

He loves drones.

He skateboards to release his anger.

He seems soft to start, since he’s the quietest member.

Says he is a pure heart but that’s wrong because he’ll roast the shit outta the others.

His position as Roast Master of Ateez is confirmed on Ateez’s solo Weekly Idol episode.

He’s a former Bighit trainee, along with Wooyoung.

Yeosang and Wooyoung have been friends for 5 years.

He’s the one in every song with either no lines or like 3 words, and he deserves much much better.

Choi San

July 10, 1999

Dancer and vocalist.

Nickname is Sanjook.

San means mountain.

He acts like the maknae, but is not the maknae.

He also speaks English very well.

He has a lot of plushies.

He has one named Shiber, the unofficial 9th member of Ateez, who he brought with him when Ateez came to America predebut.

He wanted to be a florist or barista if he wasn’t an idol.

I don’t wanna say he’s nasty, but boy is nasty. During the Ateez mafia game he drunk out of a Coke, spit it back into the bottle, then let Hongjoong drink from it.

He and Wooyoung are like children, they need supervision constantly.

He once said “when I’m on the stage, satan switch, on”.

Yeosang once told him to stop making the choreo his own and just do it as he is supposed to.

Song Mingi

August 9, 1999

Rapper and dancer.

Nickname is Mingki.

He’s also really tall, like almost the same height as Yunho.

He and Yunho have been friends for 5 years.

He’s a former Maroo trainee.

He was also on Mixnine and was ranked 62nd.

He’s afraid of bugs and honestly just easily scared.

He wants to collab with One Direction.

Does the cutest head twirl thing with Yunho.

His voice is lower than my GPA.

He once said his hobby is sleeping.

Was willing to risk it all for Oneus in that Weekly Idol episode.

Jung Wooyoung

November 26, 1999

Vocalist, dancer, visual.

Former Bighit Trainee.

Friends with Yeosang for 5 years.

After Yeosang left Bighit, he followed since he said either they succeed or fail together.

He is also friends with Changbin from Stray Kids.

He was also on Mixnine and ranked 72nd.

He’s the loudest member.

If you hear someone scream in an Ateez video, there is a good chance it’s him.

Goes from 0 to 100 faster than my GPA drops.

He wants to try a sexy concept, so basically he wants to kill Atiny.

His hobbies include collecting clothing, gaming, and bullying Seonghwa.

Yeosang came for him telling him to stop unbuttoning his shirts.

Choi Jongho

October 12, 2000

Vocalist and maknae.

Nicknames are Apple and Power Jongho.

He’s Atiny’s baby.

If you didn’t know his age, you’d probably think he’s an older member since he doesn’t seem like the maknae.

He breaks apples in half with his bare hands often while singing.

He also once broke a pear, an orange, a melon, and a once punched a watermelon in half.

Literally the strongest member, like what did KQ feed the maknae.

He just picked up Hongjoong in the freezetag dance and moved him like he weighed nothing.

Predebut before coming to American he was telling Wooyoung lies about the airplane and it was 10/10 great.

His forehead flick will send you into another dimension. 

Fortnite Dances.

Vocal king.

He couldn’t dance for a while due to an injury but he’s back and better than ever.

They have 14 music videos currently. One is predebut, From, it features Junyoung a trainee that was decided not to be debuting in Ateez. 

From

Pirate King

Treasure

Say My Name

HALA HALA

Promise

Wave

Illusion

Aurora

Wonderland

Utopia (Japanese Debut)

Answer (Korean Version)

Answer (Japanese Version)

Inception

These aren’t all the videos you could find about Ateez, but just some interesting ones that I’d recommend you to watch, since they are either informative or entertaining, featuring one that’s a meme but iconic and must be included since it is art and should be appreciated:

KQ Fellaz Performance Video I

KQ Fellaz Performance Video II

KQ Fellaz Yunho Solo Performance Video

Ateez Performance Video III

KQ Fellaz Predebut Show Episodes 1 - 5 

KQ Fellaz Predebut Show Episodes 6 - 11 

KQ Fellaz Predebut Show Episodes 12 - 15 

KQ Fellaz Predebut Show Episodes 16 - 19

Ateez Growl Performance Video

Ateez Wanted Episode 1 

Ateez Wanted Episode 2  

Ateez Wanted Episode 3 

Ateez Wanted Episode 4 

Ateez Wanted Episode 5 

Ateez Wanted Episode 6 

Ateez Wanted Episode 7 

Ateez Wanted Episode 8

Ateez Love Test Hongjoong

Ateez Love Test Seonghwa

Ateez Love Test Yunho

Ateez Love Test Yeosang

Ateez Love Test San

Ateez Love Test Mingi

Ateez Love Test Wooyoung

Ateez Love Test Jongho

Ateez Logbook Playlist

Ateez Dingo Song Challenge

Ateez Dingo Jackpot Live HALA HALA

Weekly Idol (Ateez & Oneus) Wave Comeback

Ateez Wave Freezetag Dance

Ateez KK Wave Dance

KPOP Insiders Quiz Ateez (Say My Name Era)

KPOP Insiders Quiz Ateez (Wave Era)

POV Live Ateez

Ateez Perform Aurora in New York

Ateez Telepathy Test Part 1

Ateez Telepathy Test Part 2

Ateez Meme Factory

Ateez Sing Wonderland in Spanish

Ateez on Weekly Idol Wonderland Comeback

Ateez play Twister while Answering Questions

Ateez Treasure Film EP 1

Ateez Treasure Film EP 2

Ateez Treasure Film EP 3

Ateez Wonderland Gap Crush

Ateez Wonderland Gap Crush Sweatpants Version

Ateez Idol Radio Girl Group Melody Dance

Ateez Idol Radio Melody Dance

Drop The Dance Ateez

Ateez Fighting With Fake Swords

Ateez Wonderland Dance Practice Studio K

Ateez Lie Detector Test San and Wooyoung

Ateez Lie Detector Test Hongjoong and Seonghwa

Ateez Lie Detector Test Yunho, Jongho, and Yeosang

Ateez Wonderland Halloween Special Stage

WE KPOP Ateez 

Ateez 1st Year Anniversary Interview

Ateez Performs Sherlock by SHINee

Ateez 2019 MAMA Performance

Ateez Answer Relay Dance

Ateez Cover Dance Bingo

PawPaw’s Ateez Meme Song

Ateez Thanx Live Stage

Ateez Inception Live Stage

Ateez Inception Dance Practice

Ateez Inception KK Dance

Ateez Inception Relay Dance

Ateez on Weekly Idol Inception Comeback

Hello82 San Goes Undercover Ateez Ep. 1 

Hello82 Challenge Dancing With My Bias Ateez Ep. 2

Hello82 Ateez Cooks an American Breakfast Ep. 3

Hello82 Ateez Does a Fans Makeup Ep. 4

Hello82 Ateez Risks it All For a Group Photo Ep. 5

Ateez Dance to Sistar’s Touch My Body

[seungkwanslowqualityenglish]

Stray Kids as Buzzfeed Unsolved

Chan:

Minho / Lee Know:

Changbin:

Hyunjin:

Jisung / Han:

Felix:

Seungmin:

Jeonin / IN: