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Anastasia Shepelevich

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Just noticed you so very quiet. I hope you are well. Know that, your writing is missed. All the best to you dear. 🩵

hello friend !!

thank you so much for your kind wishes and for thinking of me <33

i've been doing alright ! just trying to sorta break out of the box of the image—or persona, i guess, would be better to say—that i've built on this blog, by taking some time away from here

still writing, though, i promise ! just on a different blog, under a different name, with a somewhat different style (but feels so much more like me); maybe you'll find me out there somewhere :>

i won't be sharing which blog, just because i'd like to build something much more foundationally secure for myself on there, if that makes any sense; plus, i quite like how quiet it is over there right now, so forgive me for gatekeeping, so to speak :'^)

i log back into this account every now and again, but i'm not sure yet what i'll do with this blog or its sideblogs, if anything. i've considered just making this one a place to put typography of work i've read / am reading, but there are a lot of associated emotions and memories that come back up each time i log back in. it just doesn't feel like me anymore, if that makes sense. you could call it shedding the past and starting new, i suppose !

so this might be my last post on here, but !!! like i said, this won't be the last you'll probably see of me—i'm still out here writing on tumblr—you just gotta find me :3c

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S. F. Solstice, "A Heavy Heart Sinks Like A Rock"

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Franny Choi, Waste

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Water Lilies, Pink - Claude Monet

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Often "what can I do to take care of myself?" is a more actionable question than "how do I love myself?" or "how do I recover?" Because often you don't need to solve your deepset emotional issues to realize that you'd benefit from eating lunch, or going for a walk, or actually doing your laundry

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*

haruki murakami, norwegian wood

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how vast this earth, how wide this world. I love the sky for its silence, the wind for how it moves me, the universe… how it glimmers a sea of stars. a name for everything, the space between, folding time to be here. creasing, emptiness. in the tapestry of threads, I want for the fullness that has me spilling through the leaves, light pooling on the earth, light of the sun a eon of blinks ago. we are like water flowing through the cracks. you are an eternity I would seek again. murmur my name and I am. 

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Theres a past version of you that is so relieved that you've made it this far

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If you don't hear this from anyone else today, let me say it: I'm proud of you. You've come far, and you're going to go far, go great places, happy places. Someday, I promise, everything is gonna be okay.

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S. F. Solstice, "Off the Truckee River"

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Hey, linguistic Anon here

I heard talking and communication are keys.

Do you want us to talk directly?

I know you are going through a lot and I don't know what is expected of me.

I just think it would probably be for the best if we just rip the bandaid off and VC or just DM as we probably should have. I understand if it is unfeasible or if you don't really think it is the best right now.

I just want to you to know that it is going to be okay, whatever outcome you desire

i think it would be best to rip the bandaid off in any situation, but in this particular case, i just want you to know now that if you're expecting something consistent from me, you're very likely not going to get that. i promise you, it's not you, because, admittedly, i do this to everyone i know and have ever known (like i have SO many unread tiktoks and dms from friends)

i don't say this to put myself down or anything, it's just i want you to have a realistic idea of what interacting with me is really like, especially so now because, yeah, i'm definitely processing through a lot of stuff currently :')

honestly, knowing me, i don't think i can welcome in anything new. i'm kinda really reactive and not very grounded right now tbh lol and i don't want to be interacting with anyone i don't already know while i'm like this, so i think i very much need to be keeping to myself and close loved ones right now. i'm sorry :'''))

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text version below (click on "keep reading")

The Guide's Lament by Kara

The swaying rope What rots on the road Wilted stem and broken petals Pieces of a fly Meat on your plate Leaves fallen from an oak I am a reminder The reflection in your water Behold! Your predilection Your body longing To be a memento

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hello friend!

i was wondering if i could get a tarot reading? i’ve been making some big decisions recently and i wonder if they’re going to set me on a positive path. i think these are so fun! keep doing what you’re doing :)

even without tarot, i can very confidently say, with certainty, that if you made those decisions with the fullness of your heart, out of honor and respect for yourself and others, with the intention of being open and the goal of expanding / learning, and if you think it'll make you happy, then you're on the right path.

big decisions are SO fucking scary; fucking props to you ! i of course don't know the specifics, but if you can look towards the future with optimism, then i think you made the right decision. even if it might be something that sucks in the short term, but you know you'll be happy in the long term (e.g., picking up a new skill, starting recovery, putting yourself first, etc etc), or even if, later down the line, something ends bitterly or doesn't end the way you wanted it to.

one thing leads to another; something bitter could later become sweet, and vice versa, but i guess what i wanna say is that, no matter the outcomes of your decisions, you'll be alright. you'll be on the path you'll need to be on, and to me, every path is a positive path, as long as it leads you back to yourself ! so i say, instead of wondering or worrying what the future'll be like (very hypocritical of me giving this advice i wanna admit, i've been wondering about the future too much lately), take some time to pause and look at where you are right now, take stock of who's in your life, what's in your life; what's in front of you that makes your heart full? identify something concrete. i'll do it if you do it (i've been doing it this whole time LMAO).

and then go tell them, if you're thinking of a person. or give them an extra treat, if they're a pet. or a place on your shelf, if it's a memory. or a rewatch, if it's a comfort show. and so on and so forth you get it lol

friend, whatever decisions you've made, i'm excited for you !! i hope everything goes in a way that lets you love yourself more (and more freely, if that's something you struggle with at all, but also, i hope that you're content, and happy, and seen, and heard, and and and !), and i'll always be here hoping the best for you <3 so mwah kisses your head go out there and have fun

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S. F. Solstice, "Commitment Issues"

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fuck this world

sure, keep feeding bombs

keep killing kids

keep watching, hopeless

focus vids of cats

react to this

reblog, retag, remiss

resist the call of dawning goodness

flood our colleges with kids

then beat them down

or kill with debt

as long as corporations live

we are just slaves

even trillionaires must justify to boards

there is no freedom anymore

just hoardes of future orphaned kids

the price goes up

the healthy fall to all this preventable shit

our doctors cost so much because

we can't confront what's wrong with this

entire system

no one listens

only pointless points are argued

while the ardently at risk

are swept under a bloody carpet

bombing hospitals and kids

keep calling it a hostage fix

you fucking monsters

i don't want to be a pawn or part of it

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Here's a website where Palestine GoFundMes are vetted and shared that you can send out to people. The url is gazafunds.com

Easy to use and simple. Just share the site whenever someone asks for GFMs for Palestine.