shhh420

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So often I forget that finding my way back to love will take time. Healing will take time. I expect myself to change thought patterns and behavioural patterns immediately. This is not possible. It will take time and I deserve to take that time.

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You sail the heavens  in a boat full of dreams and  dipp you hand  in a river full of stars. I reach up toward the sky and touch the tips of your stardust-covered fingers  and smile.

e.v.e.

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@ gaialects

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@ creationtrip

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if you live with chronic pain you are the baddest bitch on earth. literally badass as fuck. also you are cool and mysterious and everyone thinks ur sexy. every day u wake up in pain u wake up hotter and cooler than the day before. trust me thats how it works.

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choosing to forgive myself, choosing to return to love and compassion, choosing to let go of unhealthy coping mechanisms and move to healthier ones, choosing to stay alive. over and over and over again. as many times as it takes.

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Heading into the new year, it’s important to take a moment to be grateful for what you have, and where you’re at as you set goals for 2023.

Don’t forget the present while pining for the future 🤍

Art by @madebynelson on IG and Twitter

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Gorilla Gas by TasteBudz

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yo…

life update

i’m no longer sober. currently tipsy.

pretty manager is back. there’s a positive. too bad so is the rest of the old crew, so i barely get to hang out with her… selfish but i missed her. she’s so much more than a manager to me.

work crush is going…. idek. he has sexual feelings for me, but not romantic. and idk if i wanna sit and wait for him to be ready. fuck.

i’m feeling so many emotions tonight i already cried twice while i was sober. let’s see how many times i cry while drunk. fuck i’m so pathetic…

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i’m backkkkk haha

update ig? if you care lol

work crush and i are doing great 😌🥹 he still doesn’t know if he has feelings for me yet but i’m gunna let things flow as they should. he currently has covid and will be out for the whole week so i miss him like crazy

and pretty manager is still gone 😭 so i get to go thru this next week at work without my comfort ppl. it’s been… interesting 😅

granted i went home early today bc my health issues flared. they think i need my gallbladder out, but typical american health care, im getting the run around from every dr i talk to. it’s been a month and the clinic still hasn’t gotten the orders for my ultrasound. gotta love it.

oh 🐳 i’m gunna get this figured out. hopefully before it ruptures 😅 jesus

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yeah so update that didn’t happen 💀 i trusted someone i shouldn’t and she ended up telling him that i had feelings for him. thankfully, pretty manager came in the next day and helped me sort everything out. we’ve been flirting nonstop since he found out pretty much haha it’s wonderful but he’s not ready for a relationship atm. he says he’s sexually interested in me, just not in a relationship atm. i’m confused but hey, at least i know i’m still hot 😅💀

i’m planning to talk with pretty manager abt my coworker on sunday. they’ll both be at the crew thanksgiving party so i’m hoping she’ll give me the courage to ask him out 😌 i have drafted a whole letter in my notes app telling him how i don’t want to ruin our friendship but i won’t spend the rest of my life wondering what could’ve happened. not this time. i’m scurrrrrreeeeeeddddd haha

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TRIGGER WARNING

my moms chosen today to complain abt the fact that she’s no where near her kids.

news flash you rotting bitch: you chose to side a your daughters r*p*st. you chose to side with a family that does not care about you purely bc you didn’t want to be alone. well guess what, now you’re alone in a diff state. enjoy karma cunt.

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16 days sober no more. this was a planned relapse tho. i’ve contacted everyone i needed to to tell them so i could stay safe and i’m with safe ish ppl. safe in the context that i won’t do anything to harm myself bc i’m with family.

being w family is why i drank tho haha i needed a coping mechanism and i turned to a “bad” one but one that has served me time and time again and allowed me to keep my head above water long enough to get to a healthy coping mechanism. idk.

okkkkkk byeeeee happy needless turkey murder day!

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oh and i’ve hit double digits in my sobriety time 😌 today marks 10 days. granted i had a year before all this, but i’m aware that beating myself up over it is not going to change the fact that it happened.

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i’m planning to talk with pretty manager abt my coworker on sunday. they’ll both be at the crew thanksgiving party so i’m hoping she’ll give me the courage to ask him out 😌 i have drafted a whole letter in my notes app telling him how i don’t want to ruin our friendship but i won’t spend the rest of my life wondering what could’ve happened. not this time. i’m scurrrrrreeeeeeddddd haha