shy-scientist

[shy-scientist]

My brother passed away today. He had a lot of problems; drugs, alcohol, mental and personal. We tried so hard to get him help but he never wanted it. Always promised to get better but never did. He made so many mistakes and crossed so many people, they told us to be strict and not to enable him. To tell him that if he didn't change we couldn't be apart of his life and it didn't seem to matter to him. He chose drugs and alcohol. But now I feel regret because he died anyway, even with us trying to save him. I feel that I should have not excluded him like they said to do. But I really thought he would have chosen us. I wish I would have taken you to more concerts, more games and more outing. I wish you hadn't done me so dirty that it was hard to talk to you.

[shy-scientist]

I made myself sad. I was buying tickets to go to concerts and i was like "oh i should invite my brother." I always pay for the tickets and i usually rent a car cause before both our cars were junk cars running on fumes. However he just bought a new car and he still asked me to rent a car. I was like " bro why do i have to rent a car if you have a new car, I bought the tickets you can at least drive there". Mine you, its over an hour drive to the concert hall. He was like fine. But then i realized im always inviting him out to concert and paying for everything and never once has anyone paid for mine. I have invited my sisters, my brothers and my friends and now im realizing no one has ever done that for me.

[shy-scientist]

Dam I need a cigarette!

[shy-scientist]

Do you ever just want your co-worker to just eat their words so bad they apologize. Jesus, my co-worker, acts like she is so high and mighty. She acts like she is better than everyone cause she clocks in early. FUCKEN, pisses me off. Like bitch you are just a number to the company. Cool your shit. No one likes you here. You being here early does not change the fact that everyone hates you.

[shy-scientist]

Delicious!!

[shy-scientist]

Thank you to everyone who got me to 50 likes!

[shy-scientist]

Working in the PACU today has been the best. I dare say i love it!. It been a good day today.

[shy-scientist]

Sometimes I feel a deep sadness for no reason. A lose of everything. Its so hard to describe. I want so badly to destroy my life sometimes and be someone else, something else. But i dont even know how to be anything else. Im so controlling, losing control is my biggest fear and my biggest wish.

[shy-scientist]

My sister only calls me to complain about her life and she expects me to be her little cheerleader. Its really annoying. When i want to vent she somehow always makes it about her. I hate that she does that. Sometimes i just want to be left alone and not be bothered, especially when all she wants to do is complain.

[shy-scientist]

Getting invited to work outings, where no one knows that we are exes is awkward. Good thing I have always said no to outings, so it's not weird when I say no.

My friend L invited me to go out to the casino with a bunch of work friends, however since they all don't know that one of the guys that is going is my exe and it his birthday I really can't go. I'll just blame school and my hectic home life as to why I can't go but I know he'll know why. Oh well, it is what it is.🤷‍♀️

[shy-scientist]

Had to work with my ex yesterday, and it was awkward. I tried to play it off as normal, but he avoided me like the plague. I get it were exes, but it's work. I figure we would act professionally.

[shy-scientist]

Finally, I broke up with the guy I was dating. And now, looking back, I should have done it after date number 1. I knew then that there was no chemistry, but I thought it would grow. But at least I didn't keep it going. We only dated for 2 months and only went on 5 dates. I'm glad I got the courage to break it off. I feel so much lighter now. Guess I'm just not meant for dating. I really love my single life.

[shy-scientist]

I know that I'm being the bitch by continuing this but at the same time I don't know how to leave. I fear hurting someone who has been nothing but kind to me. I wish my heart would love the way you love. I just don't know how to make my heart do that.

[shy-scientist]

Sometimes all I can do is smile and cry.

[shy-scientist]

Don't know how to feel. I just want to run away and not feel anything.

[shy-scientist]

Started dating this guy and I have an avoidant personality. I feel super bad because I know he wants a super cuties, clingy, crushy, girlfriend and I'm over here trying to figure out how to escape and yet not escape.

[shy-scientist]

omg the end!!! 🤧🤧🤧🤧😭😭😭😭