silvantransthranduiltrash

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When Legolas comes to valinor he hates the forests there.

Tbf, it’s not bc the forests are bad, it’s the opposite in fact. It’s too good. There are no issues or scars. It’s to perfect, uncanny valley vibes, and not the ones he is used to.

See Greenwood has always been a bit of a murder forest, even before sauron’s bs, that’s just the cherry on top. Greenwood has always been the home to things that shouldn’t be but are.

He would like his hell forest back please.

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Legolas realizing he accidentally ate all of luthien’s snacks: RUN FOR YOUR LIVES

Luthien, approaching at mach 20: DROWN IN YOUR SORROWS AND FEARS~CHOKE ON YOUR BLOOD AND YOUR TEARS- FLEE TILL YOU RUN OUT OF YEARS- WE MUST DO WHAT IT TAKES TO SURVIVE!!!!!!

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Legolas: never thought we’d be in this position.

Luthien: maybe not, but you gotta admit i make a sexy grandma!

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What about Legolas playing along whenever Thranduil denies his relationship to him?

Legolas once used “you’re not my dad!” In an argument when they were in private and both of them just paused before bursting out laughing bc they were so deep into the bit they forgot.

Legolas absolutely denies any and all relation to Thranduil even when he’s in full prince attire.

“So Thranduil is your dad?”

“No”

“What- you’re dressed like a prince”

“What, this? I stole it from their rooms”

“-?!”

“They should’ve locked their doors.”

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I love Thranduil denying his relationship with Legolas so much XD Thranduil: Legolas? Don't know him. Random Elf: Ah okay so where are his parents because the healer needs to ask some question-- Thranduil: !?!

Cue Thranduil “going to get them” only to show up exactly the same but with a very unconvincing mustache saying he’s Dandruil, here for his son and arduously denying being the king of the greenwoods (he still has his crown on, btw).

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Idk idk i really dk

But thranduil denying his relation to legolas will always be peek humor to me bc 1. Everyone believes it bc thranduil has a resting bitch face and 2. He doesn’t not treat legolas like his son.

Thranduil, scooping food onto legolas’s plate: this is just sucha random elf

Everyone else:??????

Thranduil: twisting legolas’s ear after he pulls a prank: i have never met this elf before in my life!

Everyone else:????????????

Legolas:

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Y’know, the longer you spend thinking about the whole “celegorm and curufin kidnapped Luthien and tried to force her into marriage(or worse)” the more the fact that the sinda didn’t declare war on them becomes extremely baffling.

Like, did luthien just not tell anyone or smth?

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Ok, but am i tripping or is he not wearing any pants?!?

I'm just saying if people can simp for Doflamingo I better hear no one say nuthin' about Shamrock getting the same treatment! He's hot ok!! He quite literally is just a cleaner & more polished version of Shanks who historically is considered to be one of the most attractive characters in the franchise. Thinking his evil twin brother is sexy has nothing to do with people's opinions on the CD's nor does it automatically mean his actions will be condoned. They don't call it hate fucking for nothing!

Now excuse me while I mourn the fact that this isn't his canon design. He could've been twinsies with Gunko *sobs*

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You know, I'm a huge fan of mirkwood elves being considered creepy and downright terrifying by almost everyone on Middle Earth, even by other elves. Your headcanons of them being nocturnal and eating the fuckin spawn of ungoliant of all things add on to this, sooo, can I have some incorrect quotes about some scary elves?

As asked for, some incorrect quotes:

Legolas: *starting to gut the spider carcasses after a skirmish*

The twins, who are visiting: what are you doing?!

Legolas: look, we can share if you want-

~~~~~

*in Imlardis*

The twins: *throw the curtains wide open* good morning!

Legolas: *hisses* wHAT DEVILISH CONTRAPTION-

~~~~~~~~~

Elrond: *talking about how food is scarce atm in Imlardis*

Thranduil: *pauses* you kill dozens of orcs on the regular, and you still don’t have enough food?

~~~~~~~~~

Faramir: I heard that those elves of Mirkwood will eat anyone and anything they deem an enemy.

Aragorn: oh, that’s an exaggeration-

Legolas:......

Aragorn: that’s an exaggeration, right legolas-

~~~~~~~~~~

Legolas: you two are like the sun

The twins: awww, thank you-

Legolas: a nuisance.

~~~~~~~~~~

Legolas: look if you’re stupid enough to challenge my people, you get eaten if you loose. That’s the rules of engagement.

~~~~~~~~~~

Thranduil: nighttime is Funtime

*silvans cackling in the distance as they slaughter all who cross their path*

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thranduil: of course I would never hurt a tree! They are Eru’s gift to the universe!

Thranduil: you, however-

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Galion: oh, the noldor are always like “oh no! The darkness! By god what will we do when there are no farms! The night is so scary”

Galion: bitch, what do you think life was like before ya’ll came?

~~~~~~~~~~~

Legolas: Eru may judge me, but honestly, fuck him.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Legolas: *dragging a spider corpse* life’s too short to care about other people’s opinions-

Aragorn: you’re immortal!

Legolas: fine, life’s too long to care about other people’s opinions. Happy?

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Glorfindel: alright, looks like- wHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?

Arwen:*snacking on a spider leg* this is really good!

Legolas, vibrating with excitement: I know, right!?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

*in valinor post lotr*

Gandalf: ok, Thranduil has finally sailed, which means I need to get out of here before he catches me because he will definitely eat me for endangering his son-

Thranduil: hello, Gandalf!

Gandalf: *incoherent screaming*

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Hc that finwe, ingwe, elwe, and olwe look really different if they’re wearing casual clothes (aka the clothes that they wore before they became royalty) and they absolutely take advantage of this to sneak wway from their royal lives/interact with their people bc hey, they weren’t actually born into the fancy life.

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You know what i regret? Not taking a gap year between highschool and college bc 95% of the issues i have right now would have been solved if i had just taken that one gap year, goddamn it.

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Personally finding extreme amusement in the idea that Luthien’s fame as the most beautiful elleth was so hyped up that her image became dystorted and now she can actually have a full conversation with any elf that’s never met her and they’d have no clue who she is.

Bc she’s known as such a beutiful elleth, elves subconsciously started describing her as what they think is attractive/beutifull and now the image her descendants have of her is not compatible with ehr actual looks.

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To build on this (also bit of an au)

Legolas comes across the walkers right as Boromir gets shot and the hobbits break apart from the group. He (somehow) manages to save boromir’s ass.

Why was he there? He was tracking the gigantic hoard of orcs bc he and his people wanted to know wtf was up.

N e ways, he joins them, and Boromir lives though he does have to be carried for a lil bc wounds.

And then Legolas goes with Aragorn and gimli and Boromir and they get to foghorn forest and Gandalf appears- and amongst the tearful reunion Legolas has the most resting bitch face to ever bitch face.

“I hoped you were dead”

“Tales of my death had been greatly exaggerated”

“But you did die though”

Idk idk, just the amusement of Legolas jointing the question with even less of a fuck to give than he does in canon

Oh my god,

Guys, guys, guys:

Au in which the silvans never sent a messanger to imlardis and as a result, legolas didn’t join the quest!

Idk where i’m going with this, but suggestions go!

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Oh my god,

Guys, guys, guys:

Au in which the silvans never sent a messanger to imlardis and as a result, legolas didn’t join the quest!

Idk where i’m going with this, but suggestions go!

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Au in which the feanorians time travel back to the past (feanor + his sons) and they are sent back to right after they burned the boats. And they have all thees plans to fix things, to make things better-

Only for Luthien to show, banging her head on a wall bc “jfc, guys, when will people stop acting like time travel is the magical, ultimate fix it!”

There have been so many time travelers for so many different things that there’s a whole division between the ME elves set up to deal with time travelers.

Luthien hands the feanorians a stack of paper each.

“What is this”

“Dumbass like ya’ll are a dime a dozen, at least have the decency to fill out the corresponding paperwork if you’re that convinced that your issue could only be solved by time travel.”

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Yeah, it’s mentioned twice in lotr, the first time being when legolas is introduced as the messenger from mirkwood and “his father, king thranduil”.

But beyond that, it’s hardly ever mentioned, and his relationship with his father isn’t really a plot point, so i’m not surprised that some people would question if he’s canonically thranduil’s son or if we all collectively convinced ourselves of it.

So i know we all like to hc that legolas knew at least aragorn before the quest, or the elves of imlardis.

But honestly, au in which legolas is genuinely just some random elf that showed up to deliver a message, was roped into the council and saw the most amazing oppurtunity to fuck with everyone and took the elf spot in the party?

Like, no-one knows who tf he is, he’s just a messenger (no one knows he’s thranduil’s son) and elrond gave him a seat at the council out of indulgence. And then this one motherfucker no one knows ends up joining one of, if not the most, important quest in ME.

Legolas, knowing damn well no one’s got a clue who tf he is: hold on, i sense an opportunity to do the funniest shit ever.

And after he volunteered himself, it’s not like elrond can just go: no, wait a minute.

Legolas has got the audacity. He’s sensing all the imlardis elves’ daggers in their eyes and is full on cackling in his head.

They are having a horrible time and legolas is thriving!

The walkers themselves don’t know untill after the quest.

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Hc that elves are very active and driven for the first 2-4 thousand years of their lives but then they... slow down. become calmer. retire.

it's not that they're all of a sudden more incapable of leading people and accomplishing feats, nor are they less passionate.

they simple don't have the same drive to conquer the worlds as they did before.

hence why cuivienen elves like finwe doné have the same gusto as when they made the journey to valinor.