#incorrect tolkien quotes

[thethirdtreeofvalinor]

[silvantransthranduiltrash]

Ngl, obsessed with the idea that the questers know that legolas is, if not thousands of years, then centuries old, but it not regestering until he mentions having met their ancestor or a historical figure to them. It doesn’t help that legolas looks like a teenager.

Just like that scene with eowyn realizing aragorn is a legit grandpa but with legolas and the rest of the walkers instead.

Legolas: i never had the pleasure of having a conversation with the man, but from the brief glimpses of (insert boromir’s ancestor from 1000 years ago here) that i saw, he was an honorable man.

Boromir, bluescreening: yes, he was known as quite the chivalrous man. But for you to have met him you must be at least a thousand years old!

Legolas: *clicks tongue and doesn’t say anything with an amused smile*

Aragorn, who has gone through all these emotions already: older.

Gimli: Older?? Are you telling me that this beardless, pointy elf with a face of a teenager is, what? 2000?

Aragorn: more.

Gimli: MORE???

Merry: if he is close to 3000 years than he was probably born around the last war for the ring!

Legolas, enjoying this all immensely: i was old enough to fight in it actually.

Pippin: alright, so legolas is 3000 and a few centuries. That’s a lot older than i thought to be honest. He looked like the youngest elf in rivendale.

Legolas: i’m 4000, actually.

Gimli: GODDAMN IT! I knew we shouldn’t trust these babyfaced point ears! You can’t even tell their age!

Legolas: if it makes you feel better, other elves also have a hard time discerning the age of silvans. They’ve routinely thought of mine to be millenia younger that we actually are.

Boromir, having an existential crisis: what the fuck

[incorrect-tolkien-quotes]

Legolas: I kissed Gimli.

Aragorn: Wow.

Aragorn: I owe Gandalf so much money.

[glorfindelridesagain]

Bilbo: You have to apologise to Thranduil.

Thorin: Fine.

Thorin: Unfuck you, or whatever.

[fvck-the-patriarchy]

Thorin, at Y/n: Would you like to stay for dinner?

Fili and Kili, from the kitchen: Would you like to stay forever!?!

[incorrect-lord-of-the-rings]

The Lord of the Rings + Tumblr Text Posts

Part 2

[thranduilswifesblog]

Thranduil : "I'm just curious, do you think with our advanced healing, we could actually drink bleach?"

Celeborn : ....

Legolas : ...

Glorfindel : "well... There's only one way to find-"

Elrond, spraying them all with water : "ABSOLUTELY NOT!"

[aotearoa20]

first trip to dipolmatic trip to Mirkwood

Aragorn: When I woke up this morning, I had a feeling something terrible was going to happen and also that essentially, deep down, I’m quite an evil person.

Thranduil: It’s called a hangover, little king, you're doing fine

[sauronnaise]

Legolas: Merry Christmas!

Gimli: Merry Christmas!

Sam: Merry Christmas!

Frodo: Merry Christmas!

Merry: Merry Christmas!

Pippin: Pippin Christmas!

[vildo]

Fëanor: no one’s dying on my watch

Fëanor: go die somewhere I can’t see you

[maeofthenoldor]

Boromir : I sleep with my sword next to my side

Aragorn : I sleep with a knife

Legolas : Both of you are pathetic

Boromir : Oh yeah? What do you sleep with?

Legolas : Gimli.

[thethirdtreeofvalinor]

me after reanimating the corpse of tolkien: so later on in the show, galadriel’s new bestie, halbrand, is revealed to be sauron, which kind of erases celebrimbor as a character and his contribution to the main conflict

tolkien: that’s what you’re worried about when two of the beatles are still living? go finish the job

[silvantransthranduiltrash]

What most elves thinks it’s like talking to the trees:

Silvan: mighty oak tree, is there some trouble of which you would like to warn us?

Tree: no, my kind silvan. There is no darkness of which that can cause you harm.

What a silvan talking to a tree is actually like:

Legolas, cackling, landing on a tree branch: babe, you’ll never believe what happened!

Tree, lighting up and shaking their leaves: Legolas, my good bitch! I got news!

[incorrect-tolkien-quotes]

Celegorm: dude, you're gonna pull a Caranthir at this point.

Maedhros: posting my brother's credit card number on Reddit because he said I looked tired?

Caranthir, laughing: I forgot I did that.

[maedhrosiseverything2me]

Have you ever wondered if elves comprehend human jokes or sarcasm?, like for example when we are so pissed off we say things out of rage and don't truely mean it..

*plan not going well*.

Human:*pissed* I'm gonna k!ll myself.

Elf:*visibly concerned* why would you do that?!.

[fvck-the-patriarchy]

Kili: Look, I know you think my judgement's clouded because I like Y/n a little bit.

Thorin, holding Kili's notepad: You doodled your wedding invitation.

Kili: No, that's our joint tombstone.

Thorin: My mistake.