silver-raiyne - Tumblr blog

[silver-raiyne]

Them: "Omg, dumb transphobes, no one is forcing children to take hormones! 🙄"

Me, an intersex individual who was coercively forced into HRT as a teenager: 🤨 ummm... do I just not fucking exist or something?

intersex people are just as fucked over as trans people are when transphobia comes into play, and failing to address this is actively harming our community. when we only pretend that there is a social problem with using binary terminology and not an erasure of an entire group of people, of an identity, of a status, is a failure. when we say "silly transphobes! no one is mutilating babies' genitals" when intersex babies are constantly having their genitals surgically modified without their consent is a failure. when we don't acknowledge there are ways to being trans outside of AFAB/AMAB -> other gender, that is a failure. when we believe AFAB ="person who primarily produces estrogen and has ovaries" and AMAB = "person who primarily produces testosterone and has testies" that is a failure.

intersex people are not puppets we get to use as our mouth piece. intersex people are not a bullet point in a list of arguments against transphobes. they are part of our community, their rights are our rights, and we need to be fighting next to them. if your transgender activism doesn't include intersex people, you will inevitably serve to the same binary we are trying to deconstruct.

[silver-raiyne]

[silver-raiyne]

What is a boundary (what isn't a boundary)?

It's infuriating the way people misuse the concept of boundaries to whitewash controlling behavior. Boundaries are about how YOU choose to engage with others and you enforce boundaries through your own actions. If enforcing your boundaries means dictating the behavior of others, then that's not a boundary, it's a demand. You may be able to restate a demand as a boundary by simply changing the phrasing, for example (paraphrased from a question on r/polyamory):

Demand: "One of my partner's boundaries is that I'm not allowed to date other men." Not a boundary because it's about what "I" am allowed to do rather than their choices.

Boundary: "One of their boundaries is that they don't date people who date other men." This is a boundary. It puts the onus on them to choose who they date, rather than on their partner to change.

The first is controlling (you must x), while the second is explicit about the cost of dating other men (not being in a relationship), while still leaving room for both people to decide how to proceed. I retain the choice of whether to date other men and that choice affects whether they want to date me.

[silver-raiyne]

[silver-raiyne]

Compersion explained in nerdy gamer terms

[silver-raiyne]

here’s your daily reminder from an intersex person that being intersex isnt inheritely lgbt and to stop including the i 😚😙

[silver-raiyne]

[silver-raiyne]

*laughs in polyamory*

[silver-raiyne]

IDK why unicorn hunters can't possibly imagine that women in polyamory, even those not coupled up in primary relationships (like us solo polyam folks), wouldn't be "single" - whhhyyyyy are they looking for single people in the polyam community, like, polyamory is specifically about being "not single" but instead having multiple relationships.

[silver-raiyne]

ClickyClacky Cleaning System - good for anyone with depression, neurodivergence, executive function disorders.

I use this system to keep me on task and keep my house clean when my depression has gotten bad or when my PTSD/trauma brain causes me to zone out/forget to do normal daily tasks.

The bins are separated into day, night, weekly tasks and color coded for easy reference.

Bracelets are made out of spiral hair ties, task tags are from the craft section.

Pick a few from each bin and wear them on my wrist, the constant noise of them click-clacking reminds me to do the task - I remove each bracelet when I'm done.

It's a great system for anyone with executive function issues caused by neurodivergence, trauma brain, CPTSD, etc.

[silver-raiyne]

[silver-raiyne]

Ah, nice guys vs bad boys.

I've been thinking about this a lot lately. I used to always think “I'm just not attracted to nice guys” or “I've got a bad picker; I always pick the assholes” but really, I think it's the way I think about and view relationships, it's based on my own expectations. I'm so used to being in unhealthy, chaotic relationships that my brain thinks that's what model relationships look like. So, when I see what the nice guy is offering my mind doesn't think of that as being an ideal relationship…it wants the chaos because that's my default setting; I'm realizing I'm just slightly skewed. But I'm working on that, I'm working on myself and fixing those things about my psyche that tell my brain that's it’s ok to be in toxic relationships with guys that treat me like crap, and I'm going to fix those things. So now, when I see a guy that I'm attracted to that starts setting off those red flag warning signs, instead of focusing on how to get with that guy I instead take a close look to see what he represents that is unhealthy that I need to work on in my own life.

So listen up, if you're one of those nice guys out there…have some patience…I'm a work in progress...and if you're a bad guy...well, I'm a slow learner ;-)

[silver-raiyne]

This!!! I am not disordered or defective. I'm an intersex individual.

psa as an intersex person: do not listen to anyone who refers to us as “people with DSDs” or anything besides intersex people.

they are usually “gender critical” people who refuse to use the word intersex because it goes against their binary world view.

[silver-raiyne]

Here, seems like this is needed, a little crash course in polyamory terminology 101:

Hierarchy is when a couple chooses to prioritize one another and gives one another the ability to disempower other relationships. Examples include veto power, rules that limit/restrict other relationships, and choosing that partner/relationship over others.

Couples privilege is the automatic assumption *from society* that a primary/nesting couple is prioritized and deserves rights and privileges. Examples include the assumption that your nesting/primary partner will be your +1 to events, that your NP/primary have rights to make medical decisions on your behalf, and financial benefits of enmeshed finances/shared costs of living.

While these two things often go hand in hand, they are not the same thing and the two terms are not interchangeable.

[silver-raiyne]

[silver-raiyne]

[silver-raiyne]

Be the one who loves with all they've got!