sineads-thoughts

[sineads-thoughts]

College PT 2

So, I had a meeting with the college the other day about my “behaviour”

They are angry that I stood up for myself (and the other girls) about Sam making us uncomfortable in class. They said that I should’ve told them (I’ve told them twice) and that I should’ve just kept quiet. WTF!!!?

They also brought up the fact that I left a bad google review:

Honestly don’t bother coming here unless you want to be degraded by college staff, especially the foundation department. Even if you are deeply uncomfortable with a student in your class that keeps touching….that area, you are told it’s because he has autism and there is nothing they can do about it so you have to suck it up and be uncomfortable all the time in class.

I genuinely regret coming to this place, please don’t join the foundation department.

Edit:

They will bring up the fact that you wrote a bad (but true) review if you ever have a meeting with them, apparently I said that I hated the place and everyone here. If you read back on my review you can clearly see that I never said that. I don’t hate the place, the grounds are quite beautiful and the college is mostly clean. I don’t hate EVERYONE just the people that think it’s acceptable to make girls feel uncomfortable on a daily.

And when you tell staff, they don’t do anything even tho they claimed that they have. The college just hate the fact that I CAN and WILL say something that isn’t right.

It isn’t right that (I won’t say his name) is allowed to get away with touching his cock and balls, making me and the other girls deeply uncomfortable - plus he only does it when i’m or the other girl is around. It’s not right when another boy doesn’t get spoken too when he is spamming your phone because you didn’t want to talk to him, who then thinks your his best friend and randomly starts touching me without asking.

They don’t do diddly squat then but when I decide to stand up for myself because I am angry that they are not doing anything - they decide to basically kick me out. Not the guy touching himself, not the guy touching me. But me, who is fed up that the college staff aren’t making me feel safe, which is what they are meant to do, they are failing at their job and no body cares because no body cares about autistic people (Especially girls)

They only keep the autistic boys safe because they are the golden children of society.

[sineads-thoughts]

Getting older

Getting older is scary, especially for me. I'm going to be 21 this Sunday. I'm scared of being alone. I still live with my parents, and I fear that I always will. I can't cook and don't know how to wash my clothes. I can thank Tony and Trudy for that one.

It's embarrassing for me to admit, but it's the truth, that's what I want this page to be: to be embarrassingly truthful. I don't understand simple maths, and hygiene is a struggle due to my mental health. But those are thing that I am working on, slowly but surely. Slow progress is better than no progress IMO. I feel as if I am running out of time to do stuff, that if I get too old that I won't be able to do it.

The thing is, I still like a lot of things from my childhood. I like cartoons, kids' toys. its what makes me happy. I like collecting Moshi Monsters and Monster High dolls.

[sineads-thoughts]

Late night Chris

So, back in July 2021, I used to have this online boyfriend called Chris. His parents were very VERY strict (like mine), he wasn't allowed social media or to talk to people online, so he used the Xbox app to text me, I used to stay up until 3am just to talk to him, because his parents shut off his phone at 10pm his time (he is American)

He was so sweet and so loving—until I said something to set him off. Half the time, I didn't even know what it was. It could be the smallest thing. I had to watch what I said so as not to upset him. To this day, I still don't know why I stayed with him for so long.

A few weeks after we started dating, he told me that his parents wanted to send him to this "camp" in Montana for a month. And so we said our goodbyes. Chris was gone for 6 months. At the time, this absolutely broke me as I believed that he was the one, or that he died, because I was reading up on the plane crashes that were happening there at the time.

On January 31st, 2022, he had finally returned. My beloved Chris was back! He was telling me all about his stay in the "camp" I was happy that I finally had my "soulmate" back. But he had to go again because he was moving to Florida. We didn't have to wait long because he was back within a month, with a few extra surprises. Turns out he had time to find two other boyfriends, forcing me into an unwanted poly relationship - He threatened to off himself if I left him, so I obviously stayed.

We lasted 1.6 years before I finally had enough of him. He constantly told me to kill myself, to hurt myself.

It felt good to not be in his grasp; the daily torment was over. I hope to never see you again, toxic fuck

[sineads-thoughts]

Missed childhood. TW!!!

I don't remember most of my childhood, mainly because it was traumatic af (from the little snippets I do remember)

I was taken by a social worker to live with my abusive grandparents when I was 9. Until they kicked me out when I turned 18. I think they hated me because I looked like my mother too much. Let me tell you this: My nan from that side of the family isn't related to me because my grandad cheated on my real nan with this ugly beast. I have disowned them both because of how they treated me, so I don't know why I'm calling them my grandparents. Let's just call them Tony and Trudy from now on.

The first few years of living there were... alright. They got me into a new school I hated because it was so small. My school was just a house, a very small house that could barely hold the students it had. To make it worse, the two girls who were there HATED me for no reason, so I had no one to talk to apart from the teachers, but who wants to talk to them?

I was getting bullied by them daily, and I became depressed. I shouldn't have done this, but I self-harmed for the very first time when I was 11/12. Of course, Tony and Trudy decided it was best to yell at me instead of talking to me, but that wasn't the end of it. As I grew into my teenage years, my depression got worse and worse, and so did the never-ending scar collection I was gathering on my wrist and thighs. Eventually, the two girls left my school, so I was finally safe from their words.

But I wasn't safe from them. Obviously, I still lived with them. The yelling the torment were a daily occurrence in our house; they were always comparing me to my younger cousins. How I didn't act like them, talk like them, have the same social skills as them. stupid, I know. Everyone is different, but they wanted me to be just as perfect as they are. Around this time, I began to speculate that I was autistic (because I had the traits), but they are old-fashioned. "autism isn't real, we didn't have autism back in my day"

You did, they were just sent away because people didn't know how to deal with them. My family even started begging them to get me tested because they all saw how I acted. One of my aunts works with autistic people, and even she said that I have most of the traits.

Then came the shit show of late 2019. The year I got graped and they blamed it on me. I won't go into detail bc, quite frankly, I don't wanna.

Then obviously Covid happened, then the UK went into lockdown down so that meant I was stuck with them inside for 3/6 months. What a hell that was. But to be honest, I don't really remember much from that year. But I do remember getting into Portal (thanks JSE for saving me, oh and ACNH!)

--

I unfortunately have tried to take my life more than once, and they knew this but refused to get me help. until I was 16. They thought it was a good idea to get me into bereavement counselling for my mother, who died when I was 4. I was stuck in a room of 7-year-olds, and this one random 14-year-old. I did no talking so it was basically an arts and craft hour for me, until it ended (I got a free McDonald's)

--

Then came the day I finally walked out, I had had enough of their bullying, lies. They were yelling at me because they wanted my birth certificate for something but I didn't have it, my nan did. But she denied the fact and said that she had given it back (she didn't, she found it in her bedside drawer lmao)

They were trashing my room, pulling out drawers and spilling the contents onto my bed/the floor. My room was a mess. They had finally broken me. I packed up my bags and left. June 2022 was the last time I spoke to them. I don't regret what I did that day, if I didn't leave. I would be dead.

I am now very happy living with my other grandparents (the nan that tony cheated on) They don't restrict me, they don't yell at me. AND I HAVE PETS

That's Sparx and Poppy, i also have another dog but I cant find a picture of her!

[sineads-thoughts]

Animal crossing

I have been playing animal crossing since June 14th 2013, yes, I got it release day because I saw the ads on TV and BEGGED my parents to buy me it. I was young so I didn’t quite grasp the point of the game, all I saw were cute animals.

But now I’m older, I love the game. I love the art style, the music, the soul. Some people may find this odd but AC:NL is my soul game, I’ll never get tired of it.

I have played the other AC games (WW, NH) but they don’t hit quite as hard as New leaf. I’ll attach some pictures of my current AC:NL save for you to enjoy!

(My town is called Starfish!)

[sineads-thoughts]

College, protecting pedophiles

I don't like throwing the word pedophile out there unless I know the facts. And for this, I do. Because I saw it first-hand.

Sam is a 23-year-old student in my college class, and I swear he likes kids. I kid you not when I say the following;

Sam has full on touched another class-mates penis. That classmate was 16 at the time. Sam continues to keep touching himself, me and Amelia keep reporting him every time he does it but we keep being told that "he doesn't know what he is doing, he is autistic"

And what I say to that is "I'm autistic too, but you don't see me touching myself?"

They never reply to that. But here is the kicker. One boy got suspended because he was caught texting underage girls on the college's teams. If he can face repercussions, so can Sam. So can every autistic male/female.

[sineads-thoughts]

Grandad: Calm down, please

Andy is my grandfather. He turned 60 this year. And he is incredibly angry, all of the time. I genuinely can't think of a day that he hasn't yelled at anything. He gets angrier when things don't go his way.

Example one:

Literally TODAY, he got angry at me because I didn't know HOW TO CALL FRANCE. I was just sitting next to him. side eyeing him as he was yelling at me to call France. He made it even worse when he pushed the dog away (The dog is fine, btw!!)

So i obviously told him not to throw the dog....all he said was "shut the fuck up" as any person would, I removed myself from the situation ASAP.

It's not just me he yells at, it's everybody. I'm getting sick of him.

Example two:

So, we have this table in our living room that my grandad shoves all of his stuff onto, as you can imagine, it gets messy quickly. He starts yelling at us (me, my nan) to clean it for him. HELL NO. You are a grown adult, clean it yourself. It's your mess to begin with.

[sineads-thoughts]

I made this account as medium to speak my truth, thoughts, and feelings. It can get crazy, so be warned.