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dude i love how chill and selfless you are 😄 by any chance is your wildest fantasy to be Useful?

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Realizing I never posted this here uhhh uhhhhh

Genderbent patrochilles from a bit ago ignore the lazy background and muddy colors

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Excerpt from "Boot Theory" by Richard Siken

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we’re all boring to someone, annoying to someone, ugly to someone, but it’s not that deep

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– Jamie Oliveira | from "Erosion"

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y’all ever read a fanfic that you cannot believe an author just wrote for free?? what an honor it is to read a piece of someone’s soul they shared out of nothing but love for a piece of media. what a privilege it is to be allowed their talent because you share an interest!!

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Godlike Patroclus

“Godlike Achilles, Greatest of the Greeks, closest one to my heart, I have a task for you that only one as skilled as you could possibly handle.”

Achilles narrowed his eyes. Patroclus’s own eyes were closed, so he did not see this for certain, but he felt it in the cold silence that preceded his reply. His Achilles was sizing him up, which did not take long given that Patroclus was curled up on their bed.

“You know I do not care for flattery, but I will do whatever it is for you.”

“How lucky am I to have the greatest swordsman of the Greeks at my disposal, because I am in desperate need of his services. Please, fetch your sword, bring it to this room, and use your talents to take a swing that is both mighty enough to cleave wood and precise enough to hit the exact grain you were targeting and no other.”

Achilles did not immediately leave the room and fetch his sword. “What is it in this room you want destroyed?”

“Not destroyed,” Patroclus corrected him, “Cleaved, but only just. The two pieces should not be flung away from each other violently, but barely separated.”

Eyes still closed, he demonstrated with his hands, pressing his palms together flat than then slowly opening them until they only just touched.

“What is it, then?” There was a smile in Achilles’ voice. “Do you want your own bed? Shall I cut mine in two?”

There was a second bed in their room, though Patroclus had never used it. “Never. Bring your sword here and I will tell you your target.”

Strictly speaking, it was Patroclus’s job to equip Achilles’ sword to him, but Achilles obeyed like the good demigod he was, and brought his sword back to where Patroclus lay on their bed with a hand flung over his face.

“Is it sharp?” Patroclus asked when he heard his return.

Achilles laughed nervously. “You would know best.”

“Then the answer is yes. Alright. Here is your target.”

He pointed at the spot.

Achilles huffed.

“No.”

“Please, my prince. You said you would help.”

“No.” Instead of striking Patroclus’s forehead just over his right eyebrow and cracking open his skull and thus relieving him of throbbing pain he is in, Achilles stormed over to the window and shut the curtain. “You should have just said you had a headache.”

“It worked for Zeus,” Patroclus whined piteously.

“Oh? Did it work for a deathless god? Do you think you are so powerful as Zeus? Or my hand so steady as the great smith’s?”

“How do we know unless we try? I really think it could work.”

Achilles closed another curtain while sighing, then moved to his array of hundreds of little vials filled with oils, his fingers clinking around them in the relative darkness of the room.

“Zeus can also turn himself into a goose when he sees a beautiful woman he wants to seduce and���

“A swan.”

“What?”

“It was a swan, not a goose.”

“Fine, Zeus can turn himself into a swan, and you have never once managed this, no matter how pressing your desire.”

He closed the last curtain in their room, then sat by the head of their bed.  

“Would you love me better if I were a swan?” Patroclus asked.

“I doubt it, but I would very much like to have the opportunity to find out. And if you accomplished this, I would consider helping you with my sword. For now, my oils will have to suffice.”

The smell of roses turned Patroclus’s stomach, but he managed not to retch as Achilles gently worked the olive oil into his forehead. He covered his nose.

“Are you saying if a swan asked you to strike its head, you would do it?”

Achilles did not even stop to consider. “Yes. If a swan spoke to me and asked me to strike its head, I would.”

“But not me?”

“No, not you.”

“So you would love me better as a swan,” he accused.  

Achilles’ fingers moved from his forehead to Patroclus’s scalp. His stomach was settling a little as he acclimated to the smell. Suddenly, Achilles’ hands were covering his ears.

“Briseis?” he called.

Their door opened, though Patroclus was in no state to look in that direction or move at all, really.

“Will you make a barley mash? No seasoning other than salt. Oh, and bring us a bucket when you can, just in case.”

The door closed, and Achilles removed his hands. He gently got up and left Patroclus lying on the pillow.

“Isn’t there a meeting today?” Patroclus asked. “Don’t you have to go?”

“I assume it’ll be rained out soon enough.”

By the sound of it, Achilles was mixing another potion over there. Patroclus hoped it was a less pungent one.

“Was it stormy out?” He hadn’t seen any clouds during the brief moments his eyes had been open today. He hadn’t heard any rain, either.

“Not yet.”

“Then why do you think so?”

“Because you only fall to pieces like this before a thunderstorm.”

“I do?”

Achilles said a short prayer to the god of thunder and dumped a cup of wine out on their floor. He filled another, took a drink, then brought the cup to Patroclus.

“You think I have the gift of prophecy?”

“It seems more like a curse to me, but yes. Zeus has granted you a type of foretelling.”

He knew he should drink the cup. There was probably medicine in there. And he should not further insult Zeus who saw fit to give him his godlike headaches but not his godlike way of resolving them. But to drink it, he’d have to move from his curled position, and he didn’t think he had that in him.

“Just a little,” Achilles ordered him.

“Are you sure about the sword thing?” Patroclus tried one last time. He dug his knuckle into the spot as hard as he could. He really thought it could work.

“Yes.”

No choice, then. With a groan, Patroclus moved the smallest amount he could to drink without spilling it everywhere.

Achilles resettled himself by Patroclus’s head and resumed his slow and light massage. For a time, there was silence other than Achilles’ occasional soft humming and Patroclus’s occasional groans until a loud crack boomed across the sky and the room filled with the sound of rain drumming on their roof.

Under Achilles’ gentle ministrations, Patroclus eventually dozed a little, dreaming of Achilles cracking his head open like a ripe pomegranate, or Ajax taking an ax to him, or even a Trojan hitting him with a really weakly shot arrow that pierced his skull but not the brain below.

It definitely could have worked.

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Excerpt from "Boot Theory" by Richard Siken

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“Do you ship...” Buddy I will ship almost anything if I think about it too long. I love love and situations

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mens thighs!!!!! in slutty shorts!!!!!!!!!!

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How I feel in my late 20’s

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TIL the reason you don’t find much Lyme’s Disease in California is not because we don’t have Ticks, or Lyme Disease Vectors; but rather: because the Western Fence Lizard (if you live anywhere in California this is your regular Garden Variety Lizard) has adapted a passive immune response that makes their blood lethal to Lyme Disease Bacteria. Any Tick that feeds on one gets its gut cleansed of Lyme Disease as a side effect.

Fucking neat.

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mostly lw doodle dump

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"Pietà" study with mama || Thetis and Achilles

i'm not too happy with this but it's been a day so i'm gonna post it anyway. ngl i'm half sorry for keep drawing angsty stuff. little drabble i made while drawing this that might turn into a comic one day

shoutout to my friend who graciously puts up with this

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tumblr is for putting your stuff somewhere that's not secret but also not for anyone particular to see so it's true neutral in a really nice way

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the ao3 ship list discourse is annoying this year because it puts me in a position to defend arcane s2. i didn't even like arcane s2