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smalltalkentale · 2 years ago

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Summary of: The Courage Habit by Kate Swoboda. Introduction:

Fear is the main hurdle we need to clear before we can manifest our dreams and desires. Being courageous means:

Investigating your fears.

Changing your emotional routines.

Reframing the stories you tell yourself and taking positive actions toward your desires.

Small Talk 1- What role does fear play in your habits and routines?

Acknowledge your fear.

Your fear doesn't always look like fear- avoiding a desire that feels illogical can be one-way fear manifests.

You get rewarded with relaxation when you ignore your fears, instead of engaging with them.

Engage your fear by challenging old fear-based routines.

Small Talk 2- Embrace your true/authentic desires.

Take your desires seriously.

Confront your fears.

And clear away barriers to your most courageous self.

Envision a liberated day and dream big. Write how you imagine living life if there was nothing to fear.

Focus on 3 primary-focus goals. They could be tangible and intangible. What makes me feel curious or excited? What patterns are you tired of? How might changing for the better help others in your life?

Step outside your comfort zone and try new things

Small Talk 3- You can't eliminate fear totally but you can stop it from having power over you and your life choices.

Fear Habits have a Cue-Routine-Reward Cycle.

The reward is the feeling you get when you give in to your fears. Every time you listen to self-doubt and negative self-talk and you give up- you temporarily reward yourself with peace and a silencing of the inner critic. But this comfort is only temporary- depression, lack of fulfillment, and unhappiness soon follow from ignoring your authentic desires.

There are 3 main types of fear routines:

The Perfectionist Fear Routine- the perfectionist is chronically dissatisfied and overwhelmed. She takes on too much, too soon and usually has impossible standards that set her up for failure and disappointment. She is usually suffering from chronic anxiety, stress, and lack of fulfillment.

The Saboteur Routine- the saboteur has commitment phobia; he expects big returns on small investments of energy and time. He often makes slight progress towards a goal and then rewards himself by taking a break which turns into eventually giving up. Bounces from thing to thing, never following through on projects started.

The Martyr Routine- the martyr is a people pleaser and emotionally unavailable to themselves. They put off their own goals and desires to meet the needs of others and then feel resentful when others don't seem to appreciate their efforts and sacrifice sufficiently. Uses the excuse that “people need them” as the reason why they’re too busy to do things that fill their cup. The martyr fails to prioritize their own dreams, desires, and needs in an effort to get love and acceptance- often believing that excessively catering to others is the only way to receive love.

The Pessimist- The pessimist is always thinking negatively. She comes up with reasons why something wouldn't work out or why every new idea or suggestion to make progress is not worth pursuing. The pessimist lives life operating on the assumption that good things can't and won't happen for her because it's "unrealistic". Often bitter and judgmental towards others as a way to mask her lack of fulfillment and fear.

Small Talk 4- Identify Fear and Change The Fear Routine

Access the body and identify when you feel fear. Do body scans from bottom to top. Feeling your body from head to toe. Fear often feels like knots in the stomach or constrictions in the chest area. Notice the sensations that occur in the body when fearful thoughts arise.

Identify the fear beliefs that drive you to avoid your desires/goals. What thoughts are your triggers?

If you have trouble feeling your feelings- practice accessing the body daily through physical activity such as dance, yoga, sex, or running- paying attention to the sensations in your body.

Put a container around the body when you access the body- after feeling your fear for a few minutes in silence/stillness-release the feeling by switching activities, talking a walk, or taking a few deep breaths before you turn your attention elsewhere.

Small Talk 5- Engage with the Inner Critic

Investigate the critic.

Write down your inner critic's actual words verbatim. What does the critic say about your dreams or when you try to pursue your goals?

Ask your critical voice to "Re-Do" please. Tell your inner critic: "I'm listening, but please rephrase your statement respectfully". For example, if your critic says "You're too stupid, you could never run your own business". Ask your inner critic to rephrase what they just said in a nicer, more loving way. Demand that your inner voice speaks to you like a loving friend instead of a hateful voice. A more loving response from your critic could sound like "I'm nervous about my abilities because I’ve never done this before and don't want to make a fool of myself or lose money". Now you understand the real fear behind your critic's mean words and can address your fears directly.

Your critic is here to help you and protect you from pain but it's angry and scared. Be loving and compassionate towards your critic. It just wants to be heard. Assure your critic that you hear its concerns and will be doing your best to avoid pain and negative outcomes- which is the only concern of the critic.

Small Talk 6- Reframe Limiting Stories

What does your critic say about your progress toward a goal? Reframe it in a positive direction. eg: if your critic thinks making a commitment to a job will weigh you down, reframe that message as "The commitments I'm making to this job will give me the financial freedom I need to pursue my desires"

Have empathy for your own struggle and pain.

Small Talk 7- Surround yourself with supportive people

Finding a courageous community.

Consider the people you already know who seem courageous-displaying vulnerability, trying to solve problems, listening and offering empathy, and showing kindness and compassion to others.

Pick a practice person- do a "reaching out behavior" - share the truth about your life and feelings with a friend instead of skipping over vulnerability.

If someone is disrespectful - tell them how you feel and if they remain unreceptive or rude- set a boundary if necessary and find someone else to talk to.

Initiate "reaching out" behaviors- ask people to share honestly about their life and then listen to their true feelings. Offering empathy and support.

Work through insecurity by demanding better self-talk from your critic.

Final Tips:

Look for a courageous community in person or online.

Scan the body for positive feelings as you do this work to overcome your fears and inner critic. Positive emotion often feels like openness, expansiveness, lightness, excitement, or relaxation.

Reflect on your progress regularly in a courage journal. Thank you for reading this Small Talk by ENTALE! Let us know what you thought of this summary at [email protected] or send me an ask. Comment below on what aspect most resonated with you and what books you'd like to see in the next Small Talk. I’d love to hear from you! Bye.

#the courage habit #book summary #small talk #entale #book blog #bookish #bookworm #personal development #psychology #self care #self help #self improvement #courage

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smalltalkentale · 2 years ago

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The One Thing: The Surprisingly Simple Truth Behind Extraordinary Results (Authors: Gary Keller, With Jay Papasan)

Small Talk 1: If you don’t think BIG you put a cap on what you can achieve

Prioritize your to-do list. All items are not equally important. The Pareto principle states- 80% of the defects comes from 20% of the flaws.

Ask FOCUS questions

The secret to getting ahead is to getting started.

The secret to getting started is knowing what to do and focus on

What’s the ONE thing you can do such that by doing it everything else becomes easy or unnecessary.

Find the direction and choose the action.

Small Talk 2: The secret to a disciplined life is sequential habit forming.

Use discipline selectively to form enduring good habits.

Channel all of your discipline into ONE habit that will anchor you.

Once you establish one habit, move onto another.

Build positive habits by selectively applying discipline.

Small Talk 3: Multi-talking is inefficient. Pick ONE thing.

Humans can’t focus on two things at once

Task switching enacts a time penalty. Every time you stop, you have to remember where you were and what you were doing.

Small Talk 4: Your will-power is like a fuel tank. Choose carefully where you use it.

Willpower drains throughout the day, depending on what activities you engage in.

When you focus attention, suppress emotion- depletes your emotion.

For examples- did you know research shows judges much more likely to give "no parole "to offenders at the end of a long work day at court? With energy is depleted- people are more likely to follow the path of least resistance.

Small Talk 5: Saying No to unimportant tasks is vital to focus on important one

Say NO to low priority requests.

Take a page from Apple's book- they went from 350 products to just 10.

Focusing is about saying NO.

Put in systems to cut down on the requests you get.

Small Talk 6: Living with purpose and visualizing goals sets you on the path to success.

Must have concrete goals to work towards to be able to know what you’re doing, why, directing your actions

Visualize each step.

What’s the ONE thing you want to do and achieve in life

Small Talk 7: Never compromise your personal life for professional goals, prioritize your work-time ruthlessly

Work is made of rubber- the others are make up glass.

Prioritize work time to focus on professional goals.

Small Talk 8- To focus on ONE thing you need time management strategies. And to embrace some chaos.

Chaos always builds but keep focus on your ONE thing.

Schedule blocks of time to work on your ONE thing and ruthlessly defend those blocks.

#the one thing #personal development #productivity #self help #self improvement #self care #psychology #book blog #book summaries #entale #small talk #small talk summary

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