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First, thanks for coming back. I was sick last week and didn’t make it on here, but it’s all OK now.

Today, we’re going to look at something a little less personal than what I’ve covered in previous weeks. Prints vs digitals.

Each has its own place. If you’re ordering Save The Dates or Christmas cards or you’re using your images for commercial design (website, brochure, etc), you’re gonna need the digitals. Otherwise, I highly recommend prints. Most of us have a digital camera of some kind, many of us probably just use the digital camera on our phones. Think about all those digital photos you have on your computer. How many times have you sat down and just looked back through those? You know, just to reminisce? Never? I’m not surprised. Now think about those photos you have on your walls ... whether they’re professional or not. They probably spark an emotion of some kind and many likely make you laugh or smile. THAT is why I recommend prints vs digital images and I offer some really high quality prints, books, and photo novelties. It’s also why a session with me is a lot different than a studio session. We will go through a series of unstructured “poses” that will spark emotion during our session so that every time you look at your photo, you will remember how you felt.

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So I went to the doctor this week and I am now among the many coming to grips with mental illness and struggling with the fact that I need medication, at least for a time. Anxiety is a disorder and I can’t just relax or choose to not let things bother me. Much in the same way that someone with depression can’t just cheer up. It’ll get better, I know it will; right now, I just need a little help.

And so begins my journey. Anti-anxiety medicine is interesting; apparently there is a kind of learning curve for your brain as it reprograms and adjusts to the effects (affects?) of the medication. This week I have experienced crazy dreams, sleepiness, issues with focus and concentration, and one episode of complete mental blankness. The sleepiness hits me around 2-3:00, then I get my second wind around 4:00 only to fall asleep on the couch at 8:00 every night. I finally give up and go to bed around 9-9:30. The focus issues are weird though; I struggle to process more than one thing at a time and if I try to change my train of thought too quickly, it details completely. Once this week, I was in the middle of doing something and someone asked me a question about something else. I looked at him and my mind went completely blank. I knew where I was and who was talking to me, but I couldn’t jump from what I was doing to what he was talking about like I used to. Maybe that’s a good thing; I mean, maybe thinking about so many things at once is what fuels the anxiety. I guess we’ll see.

Side note: I got my hair cut. Took off 6-8 inches and I love it!

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How’s it going? Living the dream. ... Really, whose dream?

How are you today? I’m grrrreat. ... Really?

How many times a day do you get asked these questions, and have to fake an answer? Frankly, I’m not fine and I don’t know whose dream this is, but it sure ain’t mine. My dreams are so much bigger and warmer and brighter and more fun. However, I’m certain that the asker doesn’t want to hear the real answer nor do most of them care.  It’s sad, really.  What unspoken rule says we are supposed to ask people how they’re doing if we really aren’t prepared for the answer? And why does that same unspoken rule say we are supposed to lie to people when they ask us a question? Well, I’m not a big fan of lying so let’s all stop pretending. I don’t have to put on that stupid face in this picture and you don’t have to try to come up with an equally fake answer.

There’s a country song about the difference between “love ya” and “I love you”. It’s really true. There’s also a difference between “how’s it going?” and “are you OK?” I’ve thought about this over the last month or so. I’ve been really down; frustrated with my performance at work (although my boss reassures me it’s not as bad as I think), burned out on winter (and we’re only halfway through it), stressed about everything that’s going on in my life (daughters engaged, one has moved out already), worried about my mom (health concerns), trying to balance a full-time job AND run a business AND volunteer. It’s taking its toll on my body: these heart palpitations have returned, my back and neck hurt all the time, I lose focus a LOT, and I’ve been getting more frequent headaches. I try to push it out of mind but I don’t think it’s working. There’s a new guy at work who actually asks me (regularly) if I’m OK, exact words.  He will look me in the eye and ask and there’s something in his eyes that tells me he really wants the answer. “I’m OK.” That’s all I’ve got today, just OK. And you know what? That’s OK because it’s not always gonna be like this.

Maybe I’ll start changing my answers... How’s it going? Chasing the dream.  How are you today? I’m just OK. Or maybe we should either change the questions or actually mean them. I mean, what if we cared about each other? What would that be like?

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Patty Lashbrook Photography has selected St. Joseph Pregnancy Resource Center as my non-profit spotlight for 2019. Especially in light of the recent decision by the state of New York, I want to draw attention to what the PRC is doing for women who feel like they don’t have any other options. I don’t believe legislation is the answer, I believe education is. Personally, I think maybe I am pro-choice, but I also think a lot of women make a snap decision without really understanding they HAVE choices. As a business, I will be working with PRC to provide photography services and I will be offering a promotion as well. For every paid maternity, birth, and/or newborn session in 2019, Patty Lashbrook Photography will be offering the same session for free to a client of PRC. I am still in the planning stages, but I’m thinking I can do newborn sessions for babies who are adopted also. I’m very excited to work with PRC and I can’t wait to capture these memories for these women!

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That handsome young man on the left is my only son, Joshua. He is 13 and actually still likes me. I realize this is not normal and I cherish every moment of togetherness with him. I’m not a big fan of baseball but I LOVE to watch him play. He likes to hike with us and enjoys taking photos alongside his mama and comparing our perspectives when we get home. Today, he is learning photo editing (eeek!!) and I can’t wait to see what he creates. He has a great eye!

That guy on the right: that’s my oldest child, Scott. I adopted him first, way back in 1997 when he was much smaller and his hair was much redder. We’ve been through a lot together, moved 7 times, traveled, built things, and there’s so much more on our list. I feel like we’ve only just begun! Here’s to 50 more, babe. 🥂🥰

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This is Hannah, our middle child. Poor child: anyone who knew me at her age swears she is my clone. They are not wrong, in SOOOOO many ways. She is a senior in high school, working full time, and doing a pretty good job of growing up (most of the time). That dude on the left, that’s Will, her new fiancé. He’s not all that new, though, he’s been around for the last 3 and a half years and a part of Hannah’s life for the last 5. I’m pretty proud of that guy and super happy to hand over this beautiful handful to his care in a year and a half.

Hannah came into this world rather dramatically and hasn’t really calmed down much since. She’s been trying to be her own woman since about 14 and has spent the last (almost) 4 years rather resistant to our parenting. I think she’s just been looking forward to that transition from mom to friend. I’ve been forcing her to do adult stuff for about a year now, like making her own doctor / dentist appointments, mainly because I don’t know her work schedule but also because she needs to be able to do that. I love her dearly, even though we argue about a lot of things, probably because she’s so much like me. She’s gonna change a lot in the next two years; I can’t wait to see what she has in store for the world and I hope that invitation into her life stays open.

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I have 3 children, unless you count my husband ... oh, and my dad who lives next door, but I share custody with my mom so.... I definitely have 4 and the oldest is the one who gives me the most trouble. (I love you, honey.)  You will probably hear me talk about them all over the years on my blogs so you may as well get to know them.  It will take me a few entries to introduce everybody so stick around and keep coming back.  

Madilyn, the oldest of our offspring, is twenty and recently engaged (yikes). She is a workaholic and frugal, but when she puts her mind to it, that girl can shop like nobody's business. She is proud when she saves more than she spends (I love that spot on my receipt!), except in the department of INK.  She has several tattoos, including most of a sleeve, but she wears them beautifully.  AND, in 3 hours, she and I will be meeting with a dress designer about redesigning my 1993 wedding dress!  (And in case you just did the math, that dress is from a different wedding that we won't talk about.)  I can't wait to see this!

It's a wild ride having adult children, for them and for us.  Madilyn still lives at home (did I mention she is frugal?) and sometimes still asks permission to do things, which I love because it shows the respect she has for us.  Over the last couple of years, as she has left her childhood behind and dabbled in adulting, it has been great transitioning from being her mom/boss to being her friend/advisor.  I love that she still comes to me and I hope she never stops, even when her last name changes.