soiarsys - Tumblr blog

[soiarsys]

Hello? Sorry if I'm bothering you but I kinda wanted to ask something, usually at least for what I have seen a lot of systems use "txt" to indicate who is fronting I think? And I was wondering if using it in general its only for systems or if is only most commonly used by systems

I have multiple kin blogs and I use the name then txt at the end to indicate who I kinshifted to so I'm kinda wondering if that's alright?

Sorry if my question is too confusing my head is all over the place :"D have a nice day!

.txt is just any text file!! like .png or .jpeg but with a text file. we just use [alter].txt to show who wrote the post. nothing system specific and using it for your kins is totally okay dw :]

[soiarsys]

please do not let online system spaces convince you that you need to label and have every single thing in your system figured out. that’s an extremely unrealistic goal and you’re not any sort of faker for not knowing every single thing.

just be.

[soiarsys]

some alters hold trauma/memories that they didn’t exist to experience / didn’t front during.

some alters have amnesia for moments they were there for.

like that’s really common. you have a dissociative disorder. you aren’t faking if you remember something you didn’t front for and you aren’t faking if you forgot something that you yourself literally did. our brains are trying to protect us. sometimes it does a good job with the amnesia thing and often times it doesn’t. there’s no real way to make amnesia convenient. like a lot of systems only get amnesia from switches, but a lot of us forget the day prior even if no switch occurred.

and although this post is about amnesiac systems, you’re valid if you don’t have amnesia either, or not very much. everyone is different. every system is different.

[soiarsys]

evidence of us being aware of being a system dates back to 2020 but because we lack introjects we constantly spiral into denial episodes. do you have any idea what could help?

having lots of introjects can be common, especially in neurodivergent systems, but it is just as common to have no introjects. a lot of well known systems (as well known as a system can be!) both on social media and documented by therapists have no introjects.

it’s kind of hard to give advice because being in denial is apart of systemhood. we are in denial a Lot. something that does help is reflecting on things that absolutely cannot be a singlet experience, like times when you blacked out, or weren’t in control of your body, or talked clearly with a headmate in cofront, etc. i know some systems make lists of things that really feel validating in the moment to look back on when in denial. i’ve also found research to be really helpful for us, because it reminds me that every system is different. we’ve done tons of research on osddid, and we’ve also looked at a lot of system blogs over on tumblr. looking at other systems’ experiences can help. you will never see 2 alike systems.

i hope at least some of this is helpful ! if anyone wants to reblog with more tips, feel free to :]

[soiarsys]

hey, reminder that thinking you’re faking is literally part of the diagnostic criteria for systemhood. all systems doubt themselves, or have before. it’s annoying and frustrating but it’s completely normal. you aren’t faking, you’re just experiencing normal systemhood.

[soiarsys]

i sometimes see people say things like, “nobody has a role in my system. we dont fit into any because we’re more like, “guy who is sad” and “girl who is productive”.” or even, “i can’t be [role] because sometimes im weak/sad/self destructive/etc etc”

firstly i want to say, this is okay!! don’t use roles if you don’t want to! make up your own, even!

but i also want to remind everyone that fully formed alters (as in, not fragments) are full, multidimensional people, and people aren’t always consistent. we’re also all traumatized, and that shows sometimes no matter who is fronting. protectors can be scared. trauma holders can be happy. persecutors can be kind to their system. the definition of the role doesn’t have to be the definition of you as an alter. protectors are just alters who feel protective over, and sometimes physically protect their system. that doesn’t mean they can’t be scared sometimes, that doesn’t mean they automatically can handle a traumatic situation well, that doesn’t mean they never feel depressed. same goes for any other role.

also, there absolutely are roles for things that are more complicated too, if you want to use them. some people like being “guy who is sad” while others like being “trauma holder” or “depression holder”, even if it might mean the same thing to them. roles don’t have rules, they’re created by us, and what is making you [role] can be anything, depending on how you interpret it. and you can still have one even if you don’t feel like you are any of the “common” roles. even if what you do in the system is hyperspecific and uncommon, you can still find/make a role for it. but you don’t have to. it’s also just a descriptor.

this is getting long and im not entirely sure this gets my point across, but i have been seeing more and more stuff like this, and i think people shouldn’t be scared away by roles just because they’re so broad and there can be so many. just like nobody should have to identify with roles, nobody should be intimidated or scared away if it might be beneficial or fun for their system.

also if you are looking for roles, there’s pluralpedia (keep in mind this is an endo friendly website, whether that keeps you away or pulls you in to the website isn’t what this is about i just know it’s commonly mentioned). there are also lots of instagram accounts and tumblr blogs who coin (create) roles! you’re bound to find some if you look under the tags or even scroll through a system blog long enough. if anyone coins roles on their blog or knows any other role lists/carrds/docs/etc plss reblog with them!

[soiarsys]

[Text: This alter doesn't know anything, they just work here.]

Like/Reblog if you save or use!

[soiarsys]

why is it that, whenever i focus on an alter, i feel like my head is splitting in two? what could it be? more dissociation? 🤔 it's not usually painful but it is very unpleasant, and by focus i mean 'looking' at them with my mind's eye or like acknowledging their existence (giving them 100% of my attention), i hope that makes sense.

sorry im getting to this a few days late!! and dont worry, you make sense.

this could be lots of things so take everything i say with a grain of salt, everyone is different and we don’t know everything.

anyway, my first guess would be that it’s because it’s something new. discovering an alter and beginning to talk/focus on them can often be really taxing on the brain if it’s been conditioned all its life to never acknowledge the system/never make it obvious to the alters that they’re plural. lots of people get very dissociated and/or headachey when learning things about systemhood or trauma. this alter might not want to be noticed by you or your brain may be concerned that you’ve noticed. this could also be a trauma holder who holds memories you aren’t supposed to have, and your brain is trying to raise the dissociative barriers for your safety.

it could also just be normal dissociation. maybe you have high barriers between this alter for no particular or clear reason. if anything, i can say you probably are dissociating for one reason or another. i don’t know how long this alter has been around, or how long you’ve been discovering your system, etc, so if none of this applies, im sorry! thanks for sending an ask :]

[soiarsys]

sometimes you split for no reason. sometimes there’s a reason that you don’t know. but sometimes it’s just for no reason. sometimes you experience the slightest bit of stress and your brain copes the way it’s always coped: splitting, especially if you’re polyfragmented. sometimes these alters don’t fix the problems or even help them. sometimes you split for no reason. wanting to know everything about your system is normal, but sometimes things just happen because they do.

[soiarsys]

"system joy" comic from an OSDD-1b system

i'm sorry if there is any noticeable art style changes throughout the comic. it was worked on across several days, and usually our comics are completed within one. our comic style isn't always 100% consistent depending on who is fronting or co-fronting :') but we tried to keep it similar enough so that it hopefully wouldn't be too disorienting.

[soiarsys]

a ton of our introjects are also brainmade, it doesn’t take away from being an introject!! and we just use them to find friends with similar interests or to be able to talk about memories. even if ours don’t line up, it can be nice to talk to someone who Gets It. it’s sometimes hard to make friends with a fan of somethign we like that isn’t part of a system because it’s almost awkward. like yes i am the guy.. 😬 . idk. but everyone is different, some people don’t want to meet sourcemates, or they don’t mind sourcemates but would never do a sourcecall. everyone has different things they do to feel better about their own existence and i don’t think anyone should feel bad abt that :3

mmh.

as a system with semi introjects (& therefore no real sourcemates, bc semi brain made) i don't particularly understand source calls?

like i get it Overall™, the desire to talk to others from your source is good and soft and nice, but when that's all you have in common and the conversation just boils down to 'hi how are you' 'good' levels of small talk, what's the point. i'd rather have non-sourcemate friends i actually get along with at that point?

i dunno. im brain foggy and thinking real hard. introjects feel free to weigh in!

[soiarsys]

Simplyplural wrapped

[soiarsys]

Plurality Wrapped

This year you:

Fakeclaimed yourself 5,729 times

Accidentally discovered 92 trauma memories

Immediately forgot 92 trauma memories

Contradicted something a different headmate said 288 times

Almost outed yourself 45 times

Had littles spend all your money 67 times

Forgot what you were doing 2,890 times

Failed to mask as the host 176 times

Split who knows how many new headmates

Repeated the same story 39 times

Got jumpscared by your reflection 103 times

Your top moods this year:

Who the fuck am I

What if I’m secretly faking it

How long have I been standing here dissociating

I suddenly hate (current activity)

When did we split (headmate)???

[soiarsys]

symptom holders don't have to be constantly, miserably affected by their symptoms (same goes for trauma holders and memories)

protectors don't have to be constantly on edge and hostile

caretakers don't have to constantly be gentle and patient

persecutors don't have to constantly hate & hurt

socializers can be bad at or avoid socializing

we are complex, we are not always the way our roles are viewed, we are also not JUST our roles in a system, we are allowed to be contradictory.

[soiarsys]

shout out to all the systems that formed from “unusual” trauma or trauma that's never talked about in this community - being bullied, sibling abuse or abuse from someone that's not your parent, near death experience(s), medical abuse, and anything and everything else

you're all valid. the child's brain is incredibly fragile and everyone is traumatized differently. just because your trauma wasn't from a parent, doesn't make you any less valid.

i wish more people spoke about the other sources of trauma

[soiarsys]

i hope it’s okay to add to your post, but i wanted to share my thoughts.

this, this is it. living someone else’s life. and sometimes it’s another alter’s life, and sometimes it’s nobody’s. sometimes it becomes your life, because it had to, because you forced it, and sometimes it doesn’t.

but there are still things that can be yours even if the life isn’t. you can learn to like things, you can find small things all of your own, you can have a life even if the life isn’t the one you’re supposed to have. and it’s always easier said than done, always, but i dont think anyone should feel hopeless because there will be good things even if they’re small, even if they’re not yours, even if it’s the simplest thing ever.

sometimes you’ll never feel like you belong anywhere, but you can still breathe the air, you can still put on fluffy socks, you can still wear cozy sweatshirts, you can still draw pictures, you can still make friends, you can still find little trinkets, you can still have your system to lean on.

So much more than "I feel like I'm someone else" , DID is so often "I feel like I'm in someone else's life". Like, this is not my house, these are not my clothes, that is not my cat, you are not my friends, but I've got to carry on anyway as though they're all mine and just hope that no-one notices that I'm walking in someone else's skin

[soiarsys]

me: why does it feel like someone else has taken over my body and im just watching

me, remembering I have “people take over your body” disorder: 🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯