sometimes-i-falter

[sometimes-i-falter]

[sometimes-i-falter]

[sometimes-i-falter]

If they are fine without you then be fine without them too

[sometimes-i-falter]

[sometimes-i-falter]

"You know, the right guy won't change

you. He won't subtly pressure you. He

won't tell you who you can and can't talk

to about the two of you. He won't hide the

fact that you're hanging out. He's not

gonna tell you you're wrong for feeling.

for being a girl. The right guy will show

you off to his friends. He'll take it as slow

as you want. He'll only go as far as

you're comfortable with. He'll take you

out to places, even if it's just a fast food

place or the store. He'll actually sit

through your stupid girly Disney movies

with you because he wants to watch them

with you. The right guy will come along

someday, you just gotta tough it out and

wait for him. But whatever you do, don't

settle. You deserve so much more.”

[sometimes-i-falter]

Some days,

I feel everything at once.

Other days,

I feel nothing at all.

I don't know what's worse:

Drowning beneath the waves

Or dying from the thirst.

[sometimes-i-falter]

it's all in the details. the way someone

stops smiling the moment you aren't

looking. how their answers become

shorter and their laughter seems a little

bit more forced. you'll sometimes catch

them with a distant look in their eyes, as

if their staring into the deep nothingness

that surrounds them. completely gone.

lost. alone. you might find that they start

distancing themselves from you, making

excuses, feeding you with their little

covering lies. "I'm just tired" they'll say.

they'll laugh it off every single time. you

should pay attention how they start to

cover up their bodies, hiding every inch

of their skin. HATING every inch of their

skin. they won't take your compliments, if

so, you'll only get a simple 'thank you'

and they will take it all for lies. Self hate

could easily be mistaken for self irony

although they say it with a smile on their

face, keep your eyes open for the empty

look that follows. Pay attention, never

look away. because they are almost

nearly impossible to spot, unless you're

one of them.

[sometimes-i-falter]

I think it's time I let you go. And

that's so hard to do because some part

of me will be in love with you for the

rest of my life. But the daydreaming,

the running in place, it's not healthy.

So this is me, cutting the cord. This is

me doing what I should have done

months ago: saying goodbye.

[sometimes-i-falter]

"I hope one day you're

as happy as you're

pretending to be.”

[sometimes-i-falter]

if u feel like u dont know what ur doing

w ur life just remember that venus spins

backwards and we dont even fuckin

know why. just do whatever you wanna

honestly

[sometimes-i-falter]

Ive seen the sparkle in your

eyes. Underneath your

sadness. Ive seen your

innocence hidden away in the

letters of your messages. Ive

seen the amount of love you

possess, in your words to

others. You have been hurt so

bad in the past. And your

walls are so thick and

surrounding Mount Everest

with a little castle on top.

Waiting for someone to save

you from everything. And

here I am standing at the

base. Pick axe in hand trying

to work my way through to

you

[sometimes-i-falter]

"You," he said,

"are a terribly real

thing in a terribly false world, and

that, I believe, is why you are in

so much pain.”

[sometimes-i-falter]

"I'm here for you."

"You're not alone."

"You will always have me.”

Fucking bullshit.

When it's 2.30am

And my self loathing claws its way

Up my throat

And rips itself from my mouth

In a silent scream

I am alone.

When the blade parts my skin,

When the cuts get deeper,

There is no one

I am alone

When the only real thing is

The blood running down my arms

1am alone.

You say you are there, but you're not.

I am alone.

[sometimes-i-falter]

It's 6 am and I want to be lying next to you

with our hands locked together,

and our legs intertwined.

I want your face buried in my neck,

and I want to listen to your breathing.

I want you to wake up and tell me

"I'm so tired"

because I want to whisper

"Go back to sleep"

and I want to hold you tighter when you do.

I want to lie in bed alone with you,

in the comforting quiet of the early morning hours,

and maybe read a book while you sleep.

I want to be simple with you,

and I want to be whatever you need me to be.

[sometimes-i-falter]

Kiss her. Slowly, take your time, there's no place you'd rather be. Kiss her but not like you're waiting for something else, like your hands beneath her shirt or her skirt or tangled up in her bra straps. Nothing like that. Kiss her like you've forgotten any other mouth that your mouth has ever touched. Kiss her with a curious childish delight. Laugh into her mouth, inhale her sighs. Kiss her until she moans. Kiss her with her face in your hands. Or your hands in her hair. Or pulling her closer at the waist. Kiss her like you want to take her dancing. Like you want to spin her into an open arena and watch her look at you like you're the brightest thing she's ever seen. Take your time. Kiss her like the first and only piece of chocolate you're ever going to taste. Kiss her until she forgets how to count. Kiss her silent. Come away, ask her what 2+2 is and listen to her say your name in answer... This is how you keep her

[sometimes-i-falter]

My voice;

Nobody ever talks about how fleeting your voice can be. How it can escape you in the moments that you so desperately need it to be there. And no matter how hard you force something like out, even a scream, you're betrayed by your voice. That silence is what haunts you, that silence sticks with you and makes you hate yourself. I'm not strong enough to fight this off, am I? I blame myself over and over; Why am i this weak? Why can't i fight this off? What did i do to deserve this? The questions flood my head as i lay there feeling the cold fingertips trace up my thigh, sending chills throughout the rest of my body as i discover it's betrayal. I can't move, why can't i move?! Why am i so afraid? Tears fill my eyes as his hand continued on. All i wanted to do was yell. Yell so loud, yell for him to stop, yell for anyone to come save me... but there was only silence. The burning in my lungs as i tried to yell, only for it to be stuck in my throat, rips apart my soul as i knew what was going to happen….. Why me...? I carry this night with me; in my mind, in my soul, in the way I flinch every time someone wakes me for chocolate chip pancakes on a cozy weekend morning. I carry this night like a maze of emotions that i will never understand yet it brings me to me knees when i’m alone. Feeling weak every time i look in the mirror, running my hands over my body. This body. Your body. You took this body from me and i will never be able to accept it. Growing up i always heard, "it's not all men," yet nobody told me it would be Him. Nobody told me it would be someone i was supposed to trust. "It's not all men," and no.. it isn't but how are we supposed to know which one it will be? "No" holds as much meaning as "I'm sorry" in todays world and both of them can tear someone apart no matter how loud you whisper it. He gets to wake up, excited with memories of power. I get to wake up not recognizing my own reflection in the mirror. Hope. Hope is knowing that every 7 to 10 years, all of the cells in my body replace themselves and i will finally have a body that does not recognize your touch.

[sometimes-i-falter]