sometimes-men-need-help-too

[sometimes-men-need-help-too]

If you're a boy, that's okay!

- A white boy. - A black boy. - An Asian boy. - An indigenous boy. - A straight boy. - A gay boy. - A bi boy. - An asexual boy. - A cis boy. - A trans boy. - A masculine boy. - A feminine boy. - A tall boy. - A short boy. - A skinny boy. - A chubby boy. - An able-bodied boy. - A disabled boy. - A mentally healthy boy. - A mentally ill boy.

You are yourself, and that’s all that matters. You are not the sexist stereotypes society says about you. You are a wonderful human being deserving of love and respect. So smile and be happy about who you are!

[sometimes-men-need-help-too]

Reminder that if you want me to respond to your ask then you need to be nice about it

If you're going to be sarcastic and rude I won't bother

[sometimes-men-need-help-too]

Some people misuse the word "boundary"

Some people have a distorted view of what it means for their S/O to respect them and the relationship and are actually controlling/abusive

[sometimes-men-need-help-too]

Don't put off getting that colonoscopy

It's very important to get it taken care of, especially if you're at a higher risk!

[sometimes-men-need-help-too]

[sometimes-men-need-help-too]

It's important to remember that just because you like to hug people, not everyone likes to be hugged

saying "I'm a hugger," isn't an excuse to force one on somebody if they show hesitancy towards it or who have outright said they don't want it

[sometimes-men-need-help-too]

"Your partner is not your therapist!"

Just a little note: this is mainly in the context of male/female relationship, because that's what I usually hear it as, but this goes for any relationship

Anyway,

This is kind of a controversial topic. On one hand, I've seen posts from (some) women saying this, sometimes bringing up how it is emotional labor. On the other hand, I've seen pushback from (some) men because they feel it's unfair since there's this push to talk about their feelings and whatnot

Here are my thoughts:

There needs to be some balance. It's not one way 100%

I do believe there are some people out there who use this as an excuse not to be there for their significant other. They might even expect you to be there for them but can't be bothered to do the same because "it's not their job."

The fact of the matter is, you should be there for each other and you can't be unwilling to do that, especially if you expect it from them when you're feeling down or having a hard time

But we also need to acknowledge that there comes a point when it can be too much for one person to handle on their own. If person A is constantly venting to person B or coming to them with a problem, especially if they have past trauma or are dealing with mental health struggles, person B might start to feel a bit burnt out. This is especially true if person A doesn't reciprocate or person B just doesn't feel equipped to handle it

So here are some important questions to consider before immediately jumping to the conclusion that you're being used as a therapist:

Do you expect them to be there for you? If so, what makes them doing it different?

Are they there for you when you're having a hard time? If not, it's worth communicating about

Do they just want to complain about their problem(s) or do they want solution? Are they trying to work on it?

[sometimes-men-need-help-too]

[sometimes-men-need-help-too]

[sometimes-men-need-help-too]

Happy Easter to those who are celebrating today for nonreligious reasons!

Happy Sunday to those who aren't celebrating at all!

Hope you're enjoying your day! :)

[sometimes-men-need-help-too]

Happy Resurrection Sunday!

[sometimes-men-need-help-too]

"I don't understand why you're taking the fact that I directly insulted you so personally" is really an emotion that knows no political, racial or gender boundaries.

[sometimes-men-need-help-too]

burning your mouth is truly one of the worst things to happen to a person

[sometimes-men-need-help-too]

No matter what your politics are, no matter what kind of group or movement you've got going on, you cannot react poorly to people asking questions out of genuine interest

Don't get sarcastic or angry. Don't make them feel stupid for asking

If you do this, you will achieve nothing- you'll actually push people away because for a lot of them, they don't want to deal with that kind of attitude

And it makes you and your efforts for the cause look insincere

By doing this, you have to ask yourself what it is you really want: people to believe in your cause or blind obedience?

[sometimes-men-need-help-too]

My gosh, that tornado in Lake City, Arkansas was huge

[sometimes-men-need-help-too]

So I don't watch Chicago Med, really, but I've seen a few clips here and there on facebook. Semi recently, I saw a clip from an episode where there was a male patient who was a victim of sex trafficking, and his pimp was a woman who pretended to be his mother

I haven't watched the four episodes he appears in besides the clip of the first one but I did go and look it up just to see if he was actually a victim or not (and he was). Sometimes medical or crime shows can present a guy as a victim of a crime but he's the perpetrator instead

I'm pretty pleased that they had this storyline just because you don't typically see that. I won't spoil it anymore for anyone that hasn't seen it but wants to it

The episodes he appears in are all in season 2

Episode 4, Brother's Keeper

Episode 6, Alternative Medicine

Episode 7, Inherent Bias

Episode 8, Free Will

[sometimes-men-need-help-too]

So OP is a woman in her 20s. She feels very guilty because she sexually assaulted her boyfriend. She goes on to say that the previous night, she'd been waiting for him to get off his video games so she could initiate sex. After he got off, he took an hour long shower and then went to bed. She cuddled up next to him and wanted to initiate then but he felt asleep and she said she (regretfully) never asked. So a couple hours passed and she just let the arousal take over and she started to kiss his neck and rubbed his penis. So the boyfriend woke up, asked her what had gotten into her and she proceeded to give him oral and it led on from there. Afterwards, he told her he wasn't exactly mad but felt that she was being unfair because if it'd been her that was woken up with sex she'd probably be livid. She added that he essentially told her he felt violated and she feels extremely upset with herself and is considering breaking up with him because of what she'd done.

Now the comments, for the most part, were a dumpster fire. There were a lot of comments from women who were defending her actions, making assumptions about the boyfriend or outright insulting him

There is a lot to unpack here

First and foremost, this is considered sexual assault. You need explicit consent from the other person if this what you're going to do

Waking someone up with sex is sexual assault if you haven’t pre-established that this is OK,” explains Kai Werder, a trauma-informed certified sex educator and author of the upcoming book “Beyond Yes and No: The Intimacy of Consent.”

“When someone is asleep, they can’t actively consent to any sexual activity,” says Werder. And consent is A-L-W-A-Y-S required. “It doesn’t matter if you were having sex hours ago before you fell asleep or if you’ve had morning sex before,” they say. “If this isn’t something you’ve previously discussed and consented to, being woken up in this way is sexual assault.”

Let me also point out that it doesn't matter if you've been in a long term relationship, if you're married or you live together- there is no excuse whatsoever not to get consent. Whether it's sex, cuddling, kissing, whatever. You're not entitled to it because of the relationship you have with that person or the fact that you're cohabiting. So I find it troubling that the second to last commenter completely misses the mark here. It has nothing to do with maturity and everything to do with the fact that she didn't get consent.

Then we have the commenters who believe it couldn't have been sexual assault because he didn't say no or push her away. Just because he went along with it doesn't negate the fact that the initial act wasn't consensual and I'm not understanding why people aren't getting this. It's kind of baffling to me because this is the exact kind of reasoning that we would label as victim blaming. So why is it being used here?

Not to mention, there are some that are badmouthing the boyfriend for being on his games so long and then the long shower. Personally, I find this kind of irrelevant to the overall point. For all we know, it could have just been a rough day and he needed to decompress. No one needs to concoct a whole conspiracy about an affair partner. This is why the stereotype that men always want it can be harmful. Notice that someone else said that that you guys walk around READY and you should be so lucky.

Another one said that he wasn't normal and that she needed a real man. (And this didn't come from a man either. This was from a woman). Take a moment to reread that. Just because he didn't want to be woken up with sex, it's like he's defective or something.

This doesn't treat men like people. It treats them like sex crazed objects. They're allowed to have boundaries and say no and have their consent respected. They're allowed to just not want it and it doesn't have to be a huge deal. It doesn't have to come from a big secret.

You can't have this mindset and ever talk about men needing to respect women when she says no. You can't because it's hypocritical and an all around awful thing to say. You can't expect it one way while essentially saying sexual assault is fine because guys always want it.

I know some of you don't like the gender reversals with how often you might see them. I try not to use these myself but I think in this case it's necessary to think about it happening the other way.

Realistically speaking, if the girlfriend had been playing the games or was on her phone or whatever case may be, then took a long shower, how many of you would actually be bothered by that? How many of you would automatically assume she must be talking to another guy on the side?

I'm sure there might be some. But I don't think quite as many people would be quick to villainize her. It would just be seen as her having some time to herself while the focus would be on the assault that happened to her.

As it should be.

I think, though, what disturbed me the most was the very first one that said and when he approaches you yell rape.

What makes someone think this is remotely okay?

And then to suggest the schedule purely as a punishment, and for what? Why is he not allowed to speak out against it? Why does he have to just accept it without the pitchforks being raised? It's disappointing, to say the least, just how many prevalent the double standards were in the comment section