#relationship troubles

[sometimes-men-need-help-too]

"Your partner is not your therapist!"

Just a little note: this is mainly in the context of male/female relationship, because that's what I usually hear it as, but this goes for any relationship

Anyway,

This is kind of a controversial topic. On one hand, I've seen posts from (some) women saying this, sometimes bringing up how it is emotional labor. On the other hand, I've seen pushback from (some) men because they feel it's unfair since there's this push to talk about their feelings and whatnot

Here are my thoughts:

There needs to be some balance. It's not one way 100%

I do believe there are some people out there who use this as an excuse not to be there for their significant other. They might even expect you to be there for them but can't be bothered to do the same because "it's not their job."

The fact of the matter is, you should be there for each other and you can't be unwilling to do that, especially if you expect it from them when you're feeling down or having a hard time

But we also need to acknowledge that there comes a point when it can be too much for one person to handle on their own. If person A is constantly venting to person B or coming to them with a problem, especially if they have past trauma or are dealing with mental health struggles, person B might start to feel a bit burnt out. This is especially true if person A doesn't reciprocate or person B just doesn't feel equipped to handle it

So here are some important questions to consider before immediately jumping to the conclusion that you're being used as a therapist:

Do you expect them to be there for you? If so, what makes them doing it different?

Are they there for you when you're having a hard time? If not, it's worth communicating about

Do they just want to complain about their problem(s) or do they want solution? Are they trying to work on it?

[karihighman]

I think I’ve seen this film before and I didn’t like the ending…

[libraryledge]

Sorry, I'm Here for Someone Else (A Bikeriders Story Inspired By Benson Boone's Lyrics)

A/N: It's been a bit since I've posted a Bikeriders story. Thank you for the request for this songfic. This story is about Benny running into you, an ex-lover, leading his old feelings to resurface. Enjoy!

Benny's POV:

I was there on a date. Well, it was supposed to be a date, but honestly, it was beginning to feel more like an obligation. I was seeing this girl that I met on one of my many cross country trips on my motorcycle. She was this pretty little thing who immediately took an interest in me when we met at a local pub. We spent the night chatting and bonding over our dismal love lives. Things seemingly went well as we met up a few more times after that. However, she suddenly became distant, and I quickly picked up that she liked the idea of being with a biker more than she liked the idea of me. 

That’s how I ended up here, in a diner, waiting for her to arrive. She was running late for dinner because she was on the south side of town. Our date clearly wasn’t serious enough for her to come on time. This was just one of the many subtle signs that things between us were off balance. Like when I called her at home, she left the phone a little bitter, and I shrugged it off because it was cool for now. We were far from perfect for each other, but we were working it out. I suppose. 

I looked out the window as I sat slumped over at a booth. The view outside was nostalgic because it reminded me of my hometown and the people I used to know who were now a distant memory, or so I thought.

A girl in a waitress uniform, with her hair up in a bun, picks up a platter from the kitchen and heads in my direction. It was you. Suddenly, I was waiting at the diner looking traumatized because you walked up to my table with an order of fries. 

Your eyebrows raised as you asked, “Benny?”

I didn’t know how to respond because I knew you. In fact, I used to love you. You were my first love in high school, but after we broke up, and I became a freewheeling bike rider, I assumed that we’d never see each other again. Clearly, what they say about assumptions is true because there you were, smiling warmly at me.

“Hi!” I said, perhaps a bit too eagerly, because you chuckled. 

Gosh, I loved that sound! However, I dispelled that thought from my head because I needed to focus my attention towards awaiting my date as I internally reminded myself, “I’m here for someone else!”

Instead, I said the stupidest thing imaginable: “It’s good to see your face!”

That only made your smile grow wider, as you replied, “It’s nice to see that you’re still as unfiltered as ever.”

I felt my cheeks grow warm as I quickly added, “Yeah, well old habits die hard,” 

As I looked at her, I believed that more than ever.

“What I really meant was uh… I hope you’re doing well," I added, quickly.

“It’s nice to see you too. Are you waiting for someone?” you asked with an unwavering smile.

“Um…yeah. I’m sorry. I'm here with someone else.” I replied.

You raised an eyebrow as you studied the obviously empty space in front of me.

“Really?” you asked, leaning in close enough to make my heart race with the scent of your floral perfume. “Do they know that?”

I grinned awkwardly. “She’s on her way. My um...date has the habit of running late.”

“Mmm.” you say, as you place the basket of fries on the table. “Here. They’re on the house. I’m still not convinced that you're on a date, but in case you are, you won’t starve to death until she shows up.”

As you walked off, I felt a pang of sadness and wished that you could stay, so we would talk at the bar all by ourselves. Like old times, when we chatted about our futures without a care in the world, but now things were different because I was there with someone else. 

What happened next was unbelievable. My date finally walked into the restaurant. I had the urge to get up and pretend that I never arrived. I didn’t want to ditch her, and I hated to say it, but I knew it: mentally, I was already gone because my mind was somewhere else. In the diner's kitchen to be specific. With you.

My conscience told me Benny, don’t do it. Benny, don’t do it, but I needed to go. It wasn’t personal, and I knew that she would eventually understand. After all, she didn’t seem too keen on meeting up with me in the first place.

I quickly ducked out of sight, and barely avoided being spotted by her as I made a run for it. My heart was racing because it felt good to see your face after all those years. I always hoped that you were doing well. Even though I was there for someone else, I wanted you to stay. We could talk over a drink at the bar all by ourselves. We could share what we’d been up to for the past few years. We could do anything at all, but all I knew was that I was still in love with you.

I was going out of my mind, and I couldn’t take it anymore. The next thing I knew, I was running for the kitchen doors. The chef shot me a dirty look as I ran past him towards you.

“Benny! What’s the matter?” you asked, staring at me in utter disbelief.

“I need to tell you something,” I said, out of breath.

You studied me with a mixture of surprise and amusement upon your face as you asked, “What? Did your date finally show up?”

I nodded, and took a second to catch my breath. “Yes."

“Oh?” you replied, raising an eyebrow. “I guess all that waiting paid off, but that still doesn’t explain why you barged through the kitchen.”

“Honestly, things between her and I were never going to work out. You were the one I should’ve waited for,” I said, feeling my face grow warm as I admitted it, especially since the entire diner staff was curiously watching the scene unfold.

“Me? Benny, we haven’t seen each other in years!” you said in bewilderment.

“I know, but all this time, I thought that I could move on, and be happy with someone else. It turns out I was wrong. You can’t be replaced. I don’t know if you’re seeing anyone or if I’ve made a fool of myself, but I can’t lose you again," I admitted, as I looked into your eyes, which were as mesmerizing as ever.

“Wow! That’s a lot to process,” you said with a nervous chuckle. “You’re right. That was a foolish thing to do, and it will probably get you banned from this diner for life.”

I squirmed, realizing that the chef was staring angrily at me, which made me want to run in the other direction and forget I’d made that impulsive decision.

“But, I am not seeing anyone at the moment, so if your heart can wait another 30 minutes until I’m done with my shift, then perhaps we can meet up at the bar across the street and discuss the matter further,” you replied with a playful look.

I grinned, not believing how she could still read my mind after all this time.

“I’d love that,” I replied earnestly.

“Good, now get out of here before you get me fired,” you said matter of factly.

I chuckled sheepishly and said, “Sorry.”

As you picked up a tray of milkshakes, I suddenly remembered that there was someone in the dining area that I didn’t want to face at the moment. 

“Uh…just one more question. Is there a door in the back that I can exit through?” I asked, cringing internally.

You rolled your eyes good-naturedly, and pointed to the staff exit. Then, you placed your hand on my shoulder and whispered in my ear, “You’re not going to run off again, are you?”

As I took in your close proximity, my heart skipped a beat, a definite sign that I’d learned from my mistakes of the past and was here to stay.

“No, not again. Not again,” I replied, and I meant it.

A/N: Thank you for reading! I'd love to hear what other songs and characters you want me to write about next. Check out my Masterlist for inspiration.

[citruswriter]

broken hearts

are like broken ribs

thats what they told me

but broken hearts

are so much worse

because my broken heart

has fallen

out of its chest cavity

only to lodge itself

into my lungs

i breath in

and it hurts

i breath out

and it stings

i feel like

im slowly dying

unable to stop

the inevitable

as my heart

still beats

hollow and slow

im desperate

to stay alive

so i shove seeds

down my lungs

in hopes that flowers

will grow

and the oxygen

from their petals

keep me alive

for just one more day

[moony-buckets]

just broke up with my partner. I feel like shit but its whats best for both of us

I fcking hate myself...

[warpedlegacywrites]

Chapter 20: Treading Water

They're both drowning, pulling each other down.

“Theresa?” His voice – his whole body – trembles as he stares at her and repeats, “We’ll be alright, won’t we?”  “I hope so.”  He sucks in a sharp breath, looking at her as if seeing her for the first time. She doesn’t blame him – she hardly recognises herself anymore.  “We will,” he says, once again more to himself than to her. Calling on that unwavering faith of his she has always admired and never understood. “We’ve been through the crucible before. The Maker would not have set us on this path if we couldn’t find our way out.” She flashes her teeth in a feral, humourless laugh. “The same Maker that templar probably prayed to? Just stop, Cullen. Stop trying to mythologise it. There’s no grand purpose in this. No rhyme or reason. My pain is not simply a means to an end. It happened . To me . It's not divine. In fact, it's perfectly banal. His hatred… your faith… the fanatics who idolise me… it all comes from the same place.” “You can’t believe that.”  “Of course I do!”  “No. You would never have me if you really thought this way. You wouldn’t have married me if you truly thought I…” He stares down at his hands, but what he sees in them, Theresa cannot say. “...Would you?”  “I’ve told you before, Cullen, that I can’t be your absolution.” 

DAFF tag list: @rakshadow, @rosella-writes, @effelants, @bluewren, @breninarthur, @ar-lath-ma-cully, @dreadfutures, @ir0n-angel, @inquisimer, @crackinglamb, @theluckywizard, @nirikeehan, @oxygenforthewicked, @exalted-dawn-drabbles, @melisusthewee, @blarrghe, @agentkatie, @delicatefade, @leggywillow, @about2dance, @plisuu

[horse-rights-activist]

Finally changed all the account passwords for Netflix, Hulu, and the joint bank account so my ex can’t access them anymore. April Fool’s, scott. 😼

[ihdfk]

Why every time that we are so good together I do something to fuck it up in a matter of seconds

I feel like someone not capable of loving you they way you should be

[0trashyp0]

I love them so much it hurts, why they can't love me the same way, why for them their world is most important why I can't be loved they way I love

[karihighman]

I didn’t really know if I articulated my thoughts properly or not on the podcast regarding Chenford’s argument/fight scene vs. the breakup scene, so here it goes (abbreviated version on twitter already):

Chenford’s argument scene hit different in my opinion because of how Eric and Melissa’s acting skills made it come across so real and relatable, just like an actual intense convo would go between a couple who were emotionally charged.

There would be voices breaking, hands gesturing, and they would talk over each other at times, which is exactly what happened in their argument scene.

I wish I could find a gif that had the specific moment within the scene that really encapsulates this well, but I can’t. It’s the one part where they’re both talking at the same time almost about Angela vs. Lucy and what they have to lose (if that makes sense!) and it just really elevated the impact of the scene for me.

Not to say that their breakup scene was emotionally powerful too because it totally was! I was teary eyed during my second watch of it. Their breakup scene had me more emotional, but the argument scene was more impactful (if I had to pick a word), in my opinion, that is.

While my Chenford heart hurt watching both of those scenes, The Rookie fan is me was very proud of how well Eric and Melissa acted together and how it truly was on another level of talent for them!! I can totally see why Melissa referred to the argument scene when talking of Lucy going through something different/more vulnerable.

Also, while I did say this clearly on the podcast, I will reiterate here that while I can understand Tim’s reasons for breaking up with Lucy from a psychological standpoint, it doesn’t make it any less frustrating — poor Lucy! It truly did seem to be out of the blue to her & she’s already been through a lot this season professionally, it’s just like, BAM! Here’s a personal issue now. Although now she and Tim will be dealing with personal and professional issues this season! So that’ll be interesting to see how it all plays out.

I have total faith Tim and Lucy will get back together and be stronger than ever. It’ll just take time to get through this & I’m looking forward to seeing how they navigate things as individuals again instead of solely as a couple.

[pininginthegroves]

I see the way you look at him, and it breaks me

Because you used to look at me that way

Now you can barely look at me at all

And i have no one to blame but myself

What happens if I can’t fix myself fast enough for you?

What happens when you get tired of waiting for the days to get easier?

I couldn’t blame you

I would leave me if I could, too

[libraryledge]

Can you please do another Bikeriders songfic with the song, "I'm Sorry I'm Here for Someone Else" by Benson Boone? Since that song mentions the name Benny, I think it fits so well.

Hi! Thank you for the request. I love Benson Boone and The Bikeriders, so this is perfect! Your story request has been granted.

[frankenberries]

I think I’m going to use this blog to post about the guys I dated, both as a reminder for myself and potential diary, and as a potential lesson for people to learn.

I will preface this by saying that a good chunk of the men I’ve dated are musicians and artists. There was cheating, there was abuse. I don’t want to reveal who they are for obvious reasons. But I need to get it out of my system.

I’ll have anons on.

[guudmourning]

Happy Anniversary… you haven’t said it yet, but I’m sure you remember..

[warpedlegacywrites]

Chapter 21: Perfect Storm

Weeks of suffering and turmoil have all built up to this moment, and Theresa and Cullen may have reached a point of no return.

Theresa stands on the precipice, and looks down.  Her dreams of late keep returning her to her favourite view from her balcony at Skyhold. Her whole life, circling the same point of reference. As steady an anchor as the Black City that floats on the horizon.  She feels it the instant Cullen’s mind enters the Fade. The shift in the flow of thought is unmistakable. Her awareness has been trained on that empty pocket where he normally manifests, perched like a hawk scanning the horizon. Deliberating with herself.  The air around her ripples with worry. A slow-building fear has been taking shape in her mind despite her best efforts. Fear that he’s keeping something from her. Fear that she knows what. And that fear turns her thoughts inexorably toward an imprudent notion.  Theresa stands on the precipice, and looks down. Down into darkness and decay. Into the festering blackness of Kirkwall laid out below.  She shouldn’t. It’s wrong to enter another’s dream without permission. The ultimate transgression. The very thing most feared about Dreamers. Never before has she crossed that threshold, and especially not Cullen’s. Only guarded from the outside with wards, or pulled him into her dream. To protect. To shield.  Is that not what she would be doing here? If he won’t tell her the truth of it… She cannot let him linger in pain. If she’s to help him, she has to know.  Theresa stands on the precipice, looks down, and takes the leap. 

DAFF tag list: @rakshadow, @rosella-writes, @effelants, @bluewren, @breninarthur, @ar-lath-ma-cully, @dreadfutures, @ir0n-angel, @inquisimer, @crackinglamb, @theluckywizard, @nirikeehan, @oxygenforthewicked, @exalted-dawn-drabbles, @melisusthewee, @blarrghe, @agentkatie, @delicatefade, @leggywillow, @about2dance, @plisuu

[horse-rights-activist]

Not to be a selfish bitch but scott didn’t even bother to call or text me today, and yeah. Yeah whatever we’re getting a divorce and we haven’t been on speaking terms since I tried to lock the bank account. I’m drafting a letter to his attorney to assert that his lack of communication is in fact harassment.