sorenthestoryteller

[sorenthestoryteller]

"It's hypocrisy to call yourself a Christian and chase away a refugee or someone seeking help, someone who is hungry or thirsty, toss out someone who is in need of my help.

"If I say I am Christian, but do these things, I'm a hypocrite."

- Pope Francis

[sorenthestoryteller]

I Don’t know

“And what am I to do? Just tell me what am I supposed to say? I can't change the world But I can change the world in me” -U2, “Rejoice”

I keep trying to say something but I don’t know what to say. I keep wanting to do something but I don’t know what to do. The only thing I feel more than fear is rage. So much pain and so much suffering. And why? To prop up the egos of spoiled billionaires. No more, no less. What will it take to change things? I don’t know. I just don’t know.

This is an untenable and an unacceptable reality to live in, and so I become paralyzed because there is so much I should do and need to do but I have no idea where to start because I seem to always fall, I seem to be mute, and I seem to never know what to do. 

My fall back position is love people, love God, and try to learn how to love myself. But, it is so hard to remember and to feel that passion and wanting to help. 

I have found it increasingly difficult to write about theology because I see so many Christians being cheerful participants in fascism. They aren’t concerned about following Jesus but following whoever is loudest and most angry. I see them placing their faith in Trump and all I can only think that it’s idolatry. I don’t understand how Christians can look at Trump and see a moral man when is clearly evil.

I suppose you can lead a theologian to water but you can’t make him drink, much less recall the words of Jesus: “ Go and learn what this means, ‘I desire mercy, not sacrifice.’”

-Matthew 9:13

It feels trite to say love will change the world but it’s all I know.

[sorenthestoryteller]

With how TV has become so disjointed and shows taking literal years in between seasons it is kind of wild that I'm getting to watch "Wheel of Time" currently, "Doctor Who" on Saturday, and "Leverage Redemption" on April 17th.

I don't think I've had this many shows I love airing new seasons at the same time since college.

[sorenthestoryteller]

[sorenthestoryteller]

Well.

Damn.

[sorenthestoryteller]

Trying to start channeling all the stress, bad news, and existential dread of our current hellscape into writing.

Instead of giving myself the luxury of despair, I think getting angry and writing is one of the best thing I can do from my corner of the world.

[sorenthestoryteller]

True facts.

I've not paid for a TV or screen since college. I somehow keep getting bigger and better TVs and currently have a monster of one that I actually think is TOO big...

I kind of lost the thread.

Ahem.

I think this TV thing illustrates how easy it is for older generations to simply get out of touch with what is reality.

[sorenthestoryteller]

[sorenthestoryteller]

I mean... if the shoe fits...

[sorenthestoryteller]

At times I genuinely have wondered if the world had lost its mind or if it was just me...

I guess I finally got proof both have always been true.

[sorenthestoryteller]

[sorenthestoryteller]

"Then the day when the sadness comes - then we ask: "Will this sadness which makes me cry - will this sadness that makes my heart cry out - will it ever end?" The answer, of course, is yes. One day the sadness will end."

-Margaret Lanterman, "Twin Peaks" (Episode 3, 'Zen, or the Skill to Catch a Killer')

[sorenthestoryteller]

I think it's beautiful and fitting for Transgender Day of Visibility to fall on Easter Sunday.

A day my faith celebrates resurrection, healing, and the transforming power of Love.

There is no room for hate or bigotry if you want to follow Jesus.

[sorenthestoryteller]

"Beneath the stains of time The feelings disappear You are someone else I am still right here

What have I become My sweetest friend Everyone I know Goes away in the end

And you could have it all My empire of dirt I will let you down I will make you hurt"

-Nine Inch Nails, "Hurt" ('Another Version of the Truth,' 2009

[sorenthestoryteller]

Psalm 15 - A Meditation

"O Lord, who may abide in your tent?     Who may dwell on your holy hill?"

-Psalm 15:1

So, things I struggle with faith wise: 1.) The idea of God referring to themselves in some kind of parental role because of how awful parents can be.

2.) Learning to abide. Having to learn to be patient and not running around and learning how to breath and calm down... are all so freaking frustrating.

So, this struggle means learning to accept love and learning to shut up so I can be loved.

Yay.

Now I just have to figure out how to do that while being kind to myself.

[sorenthestoryteller]

Psalm 14 - A Meditation

"Fools say in their hearts, ‘There is no God.’     They are corrupt, they do abominable deeds;     there is no one who does good."

-Psalm 14:1

So I find this verse interesting for a multitude of reasons.

1.) This is directed at those who have first hand experienced God in a non deniable way.

2.) This verse gets manipulated and used to abuse people who have never had a positive experience related to God, much less religion.

3.) I think I have a larger number of people who are agnostic or atheists I have respect for than I do Christians. Part of it is just so many awful church related experiences, but I can at least appreciate someone who is brave enough to be honest.

4.) Sometimes I wish I could leave this faith thing behind despite what I have seen, felt, and experienced. I don't think God resents any of us who need a break from... this stuff. Not taking breaks leads to burn out and self harm... and I am so tired of that path.

In an ideal world, we could have better dialogue and conversation regardless of beliefs. It would be nice to be able to disagree and show respect and love. It would also be nice if emotion could be taken as is and not taken in the worst way... but it is the internet.

[sorenthestoryteller]

Psalm 13 - A Meditation

"How long..." "How long..." "How long..."

-Psalm 13, 1a, 2a

That is a question I keep asking because I don't know.

I think I know how to pray but I keep finding out that I end up without words. Emotions and thoughts will sometimes spill forward, maybe even resonate but so often it comes down to just not knowing.

It's not enough for me.

It's reality, but when has that stopped me?

Faith isn't just about an end, but how we get there, so maybe I can find...