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[soullessdhampir]

I've started practicing writing, and I joined a queer writing group recently. Here's 3 of my practice writings using prompts from the group.

The Abyss Calls

I peer into the abyss looking behind me,

As I swim upwards to breathe in the air at the surface,

I feel the pressure from the sludge of the abyss pushing me further down,

I kick my feet harder, and push the water behind me with my arms,

As reaching the surface, and not struggling is the end goal,

I see the reflecting shimmer of light dancing above my eyes on the surface,

And I feel the warmth of the water temperature change as I get closer to the surface,

I feel a tug on my legs, and look behind me seeing twine covered in sludge grasping my ankle from the abyss,

I panic trying to get my ankle free from the sludgy twine,

I feel myself losing air, as I struggle to get free,

Finally freeing myself i swim to the surface inhaling deeply fresh air,

I bask in the bright warmth of the sunlight, and swim towards a buoy,

Upon reaching the buoy I climb a top catching my breath, and rest,

I find myself looking towards a future I've never thought I'd have, but sometimes I still hear the call of the abyss beckoning me to join it again.

Next practice piece I used a prompt that was to write something using the line "did you know the dead could fall in love?"

Love After Life

Did you know the dead could fall in love? If you were unlucky enough to find your soul mate in life you still have a chance in the afterlife. Lady Persephone has told us, "if you feel your heart beating it's a sign you're near the one."

While lying in the fields of asphodel I found truth in Lady Persephone's words. As I felt a beating heart sensation that I haven't felt since I was alive. I sat up upon hearing an euphonic voice from beside me asking, "May I sit beside you?" My heart skipped a beat as I looked into her warm golden light brown eyes full of joy I replied "I'd love nothing more than to share this space with you." As she sat beside me she asked for my name, and I told her my name was Thalia, and asked for her name in return. She responded her name was Iris, and then spoke "Forgive me for my forwardness, but I noticed you for some time now, and I saw this flower that made me think of you." She handed me a beautiful twilight sunset colored violet resembling everlasting love after death, and I accepted it graciously heart beating wildly as I did. Then Iris, held out her hand to me offering half of her pomegranate, and I accepted it. We sat in the fields of asphodel eating our pomegranates together knowing we were each other's fated soul mate.

Then this short fiction I just finished over the weekend using a prompt that was "When you leave, please take me with you"

Take me with you

“When you leave, please take me with you,” pleaded my sister. I took a look at her puppy eyed face begging me. Life in a rural town wasn’t so great for twin witches, who both happen to be queer. I being a bisexual trans woman, and her being a lesbian. My social transition was an absolute nightmare having being betrayed by a close friend whom I asked to please start referring to me with she/her pronouns, and to start calling me Rhiannon. She went behind my back, and told the whole school that I was a sick boy who needed help. Then from there of course the church, and our parents found out. I was devastated, and learned the hard way to not trust as easily, and that the only people I could trust was myself, and my twin sister, Lara. Lara held me in her arms, soothing me by rubbing my my shoulders as I sobbed. She brushed my tears away from my face, and she told me that she saw me for who I truly was, and that she would always have my back, and so would the Goddess. Remember when I told mentioned it was a nightmare living in a rural town for twins who were queer witches? Well Lara, and I are both practicing pagans, and sadly growing up in a christian family, and a christian town it’s left us feeling pretty alienated, but we both have our sacred alter hidden in a secret room that we found in our attic as kids, and kept it as our secret twin club space. Now we’ve decorated space with purple led light strips around the room, and a make shift altar that we created outta boxes, and put a pentagram cloth over along with candles, amethyst, clear quartz, and rose quartz with some runes that we use for divination. I owe so much thanks, and appreciation to the Goddess Aphrodite, as I’ve prayed to her, and left her offerings of sea shells, and an apple for me to be able start transitioning, becoming more of my true authentic self as a woman, and wanting to fulfill my womanhood.

I know that my prayers were answered when I met Peaches, at a strip club one night. Lara, and I sneaked off together to go to our first strip club together. It may seem weird that as siblings together, huh? But we strive to have as many new experiences shared together, and we both happen to be sapphic women. I was mesmerized by the strength, and skills of the dancers on the poles, and honestly these women have major core strength muscle skills! I feel as though pole dancing should be an Olympic sport. While people watching I could help notice the men drooling, and basically being putty in these women’s hands. Men such easy targets, I thought to myself while rolling my eyes. “Hey, Rhiannon, come to the bathroom with me.” Lara said to me in my ear as the music was too loud for us to hear each other. We headed towards bathroom, and once we enter Lara started washing her hands, and then her face, “The way the men treat, and look at the women here made me feel dirty, and like I needed to wash up.” “Ohh god, I know! I figured it’d be weird, and gross witnessing the male gaze, but it’s worse than I thought.” I replied. “We are at a strip club after all. What did we expect? I was thinking what if we sneak into the dressing room area, and cast a protection spell over the strippers here?” Lara asked. “That’s kinda weird sis, even for us, but they definitely could use the protection. Lead the way.” I replied

Lara, and I headed towards the door that said “Employees only”, and we peaked around the corner, and saw that the dressing room was empty, and so we went in. The dressing room was a big room with multiple stations with mirrors, and a wardrobe. I noticed Lara going over to each station, and collecting hair from each dancer’s hairbrush, and calling over to me to join her grinning as she waved me over, “I swear the things you get me into” I say to Lara as I sit beside her. “Hey don’t judge me we need something personal of theirs for the spell, and what better than hair from their brushes?” responded Lara, as she was taking black candles, lighter, amethysts, and herbs out of her drawstring bag. “Boy you came prepared almost as if youi planned this.” “Ohh I definitely planned this. Now let’s get started.” Lara wrapped an amethyst stone with the hair strands of a specific dancer for each dancer. Then I sprinkled some mint, rosemary, eucalyptus, and lavender over each amethyst. Then Lara, and I held hands, and Lara flicked the lighter, and lit the black candle. Then we started chanting, “Earth, fire, water, air, and spirit. We call upon the Goddesses Athena, Artemis, Soteria, and Hecate to bless, and bestow protective energy from each herb into each amethyst to protect each person whom we give these too. Protect them from any harm, malicious intent, and negative energy. So mote it be. Blessed be.” Then we blew out the candle at the same time.

“Y’all aren’t suppose to be in here.“ Said a voice startling us both. The woman wearing lingerie, with a garter belt, and fishnets walked over to her station, and sat down taking off her stiletto heels. “Well this is a first. We’ve had creeps sneak in jerking off in the corner, but never someone sneaking in the dressing room doing witchcraft.” “Excuse us both. We’re sorry…” I stammered outta nervousness of being caught. “It’s fine don’t worry, it’s the thought that counts after all.” She said as she packed a bowl with weed. “Besides, I won’t tell if y’all won’t tell. Management doesn’t want us smoking inside, but it’s too sketchy for us to smoke out back. May I borrow your lighter?” “Yeah of course.” Lara, replied walking over to the woman, and handing her the lighter. “Thanks, Love.” said the woman lighting her bowl, and inhaling the smoke. She held the smoke in, and let out the smoke “I’m Peaches, by the way.” she handed the lighter back to Lara. “How old are y’all?” she asked us. “We’re 18. I’m Lara, and that’s my sister Rhiannon.” replied Lara. “Thank goodness, I was worried y’all might be minors. That’s the last scandal our club needs.” Peaches said relieved. I picked up the Amethyst stone that was wrapped in the same pastel purple hairs that Peaches’ hair color was, and walked over to her handing her the crystal. “This one’s for you.” Peaches took it from me, and smiling, and laughing to herself “Y’all actually took our hairs? That’s so creepy” she said. Lara went over to the rest of the crystals, and while looking at a note she placed each crystal at the appropriate station. “Well do any of you want a hit?” Peaches asked offering her bowl after repacking it. I took the bowl from her figuring why not as first time smoking weed with a stripper would be a great story in the future. I lit the bowl, and inhaled coughing immediately. Peaches chuckled “First timer I see.” I looked over at Lara blushing, and she winked at me while packing up her stuff, and then came over to join us, and took the bowl from me. Lara lit the bowl, inhaling holding in the smoke, and then coughing as let it out.

Lara handed the bowl back to peaches, and Peaches took it, and cleaned out the bowl. “I can now scratch smoking with twins off my list of things I’ve never done before. So Rhiannon forgive me for being forward, but do you plan on medically transitioning?” asked Peaches. I was taken by surprise, and felt awkward being asked the question, and responded “I would like to, but I can’t afford a therapist to get my hormone letter, and our parents would never pay for me to see a therapist.. How’d you know I was trans?” “Hun, your hair is at that awkward growing hair out length where you need to get trimming to clean up your hair at least. Plus you’re flat chested, and you remind me of me before I started hormones.” “You’re Trans too? I never would have guessed” “Yes, I am, I been transitioning for 8 years. I strip mainly to cover my hormone costs. It’s expensive, and sadly we don’t have any informed consent clinics around. So I been ordering my hormones online. Here I’ll make a preposition for you because I like the gull the two of you have to sneak into strippers’ dressing room stealing our hair to cast a spell, and then get caught by one of us, and take her up on her offer of taking hit of her bowl. Plus I remember being your age, and I wish I was able to transition at 18. I’ll buy some extra t blockers, and estrogen, and give them to you. What do you say?” I was stunned, and taken a back to what Peaches was offering me, “Wait really? That seems to be too much to offer. I mean I’d be absolutely appreciative, and thankful, but how could I ever repay you?” “It’s no problem at all hun, I more than enough money, and besides I also had an older trans woman help me, and guide me with how to safely diy transition. I’ve been wanting to pay it forward, and also help a young trans sister too. Besides I like the vibes I’m getting off you, and your sister.” responded Peaches winking at us. “Wow thank you so much Peaches, yes please, I’d love to take you up on your offer!” I replied all smiles. Lara hugged me, and kissed my cheek whispering in my ear “Your prayers have been answered sis, and I’m so happy for you.” Peaches, Lara, and I hung out, and chatted some more getting to know each more, and then when Peaches break was over she hugged Lara, and I, and escorted us back to the club so we wouldn’t get in trouble. Then Lara, and I left the club heading back home.

After being on hormones for a year I wasn’t able to hide my breasts anymore even though they were only around almost an A cup, but not a full A, and my face becoming softer, and more feminine looking I ended up sleeping over at Peaches’ place as my parents started to just act like I didn’t exist any more, and it got mad awkward being home, and not even spoken to, or looked at anymore. Lara started staying over at Peaches’ place too more often as well to spend time with her girlfriend as Peaches, has become like an Aunt to Lara, and I. Once I started working Peaches, offered me to move in with her, and I took her up on her offer. “When you leave, please take me with you.” pleaded Lara. I looked up at her puppy eyed face begging me, and I stopped packing up my room, and replied “Of course I’m taking you with me! I already asked Peaches, if you could move in too, and she said yes. I made a deal with her to cover your rent portion until you get a job. I’d never leave you behind.” Lara started happily crying, and I hugged her tightly.

[soullessdhampir]

What absolute disgust that even after knowing the outrage of Americans when the decision was leaked they still stuck with it. To be honest I've already experienced all my disgust, and anger when the decision leaks came out. Now I'm just feeling disappointed. But hey welcome to America where fundamentalist Christians are gaining more control of country to turn our country of "freedom" (it was never really free only for white Christian hetero men anyone outside of that has always been left to be strangled by the barb wires of oppression to die slowly, and painfully.)

They want to revert back to 50s and below where white men controlled everything, and women just stayed home caring for children, household, birthing babies as women aren't allowed to tell their husband no to sex bc they're the husband's property, and never giving any lip unless they want a beating, or be ostracized by others for not just shutting up, and obeying. They don't care about pro life or saving the babies. Our Government forced sterilization on black, native American, latino, Asian, and Hispanic women without even telling them that they sterilized them. Our government sent children to work in factories with no rest leading to their deaths, and missing fingers/limbs. In world war 2 think of all the Asian American, and japanese American families and children put in internment camps, all the Jewish refugees being turned down by the US government. To even now today with all the Mexican children in detention camps, refusing Syrian refugees, bombing all the civilians towns over In Afghanistan, iraq, Iran, the war of the middle east how many innocent children do you think were killed, or lives uprooted bc of the bombshell aftermaths of the war? how our government enacted genocide in Panama Let alone let's not forget about the century of genocide USA committed in Panama and testing nuclear bombs, weapons, warfare there. Testing to see how radiation, and nuclear weapons affected different races in Panama, and then pulling out of Panama lying saying "oh yeah we clean up all the nuclear weapons", and left bc they were going to use Vietnam as testing grounds instead. But oh that little lie well people are still finding nuclear bombs lying around in Panama today. We never cared enough to clean anything up because why? It's not white people who live there mostly black, and brown people. All the rape, and killings that American soldiers have done on women, and children of foreign countries that we've invaded. Ohh yeah also let's absolutely not forget the centuries of atrocities that the Catholic church committed like covering up rapes, and sexual abuse of children, and women by priests, killing all pagans, jews, and anyone else who wouldn't convert to catholicism. Oh and let's not forget how Catholic church murdered over 800 Irish babies. Back when the Catholic church was in rule of Ireland they would take away the babies from unwed women, and gave them up for adoption, and would send single mothers, raped women who birthed children, and sex workers to Magdalene launderies where nuns would whip, and beat the women, and the women were forced workers. Most of the Hasbro games were made back in the day by these women in the launderies. The Catholic church covered up a mass unmarked grave of baby, and children corpses. So no none of this is about being pro life. This is clearly about power, and control.

It's time to stop being silent, being apathetic, or just letting whatever happens happen. It's time to rise up, it's time for grassroots collective organizations of us we the everyday people to band together, and demand our basic human rights! It's time to ignore, and stop playing games with, and placating liberals, moderates, and the right. I mean the Obama administration has democratic majority of both Senate, and house, they could have set permanent legal abortion rights to prevent something like this from happening, but you know what they didn't. It's time for us radical leftists to rise up, and over throw everything. I'm sorry, but it's beginning to become where democratic socialism, socialism, and even communism isn't enough. Being that those ideologies, and structures still have hierarchical oppressions, and power structures. For us as humanity to truly be collectively free, and resourceful we need to obliterate all oppressions, and free everyone from classism, racism, caste system, sexism, cissexism, misogyny, transphobia, homophobia, xenophobia, and antisemitism. We are not truly ever free if we're only uplifting the few, and not everyone. I'm looking at you liberalism, white feminism, swerf/terf feminists.

Anarchy Is the one main way of collectively, and autonomously creating an existence of us not being wasteful or struggling. We produce only what we need, and support each other, and have each other backs. In most of all of history all revolutions we're backed by grassroots anarchists like for example we wouldn't have the 8 hour work day we have here in the United States of it we're for the anarchists, and unionizing of those days. Revolutionist minds like Emma Goldman, and the anarchists martyrs of the Haymarket affair that were killed by cops for protesting for labor rights. Look at the Paris commune of 1872, where the city of Paris was an autonomous city for 2 months, and unfortunately only lost bc they chose to focus on voting within their groups of who to lead than to pay attention to defending themselves and keeping from taken over. Or another example the anarchists revolution during the Spanish civil war in Spain. The anarchists were gaining majority of the factories, and having worker owned factories, lands, and collectively farming together. They almost entirely pulled off winning the war until the Stalin communists deciding to stop aiding and backing the anarchist rebels, and started telling the rebels fighting in the streets to pull back and stop fighting. Then Franco won and Spain got to enjoy 40 years of fascist Franco. Anarchists have always been at the grassroots level of organizing, and creating revolutionary uproars. We the people should never be afraid of our government, but instead the government should fear us, and never feel comfortable, or have the upper hand of control over us. What they do if all of us the people banded together, and rose up, focusing on our true advisories, instead of constant infighting that have been tearing us apart, and keeping us from achieving an uprising. If they killed, or locked all of us away who would they have to pay taxes, work, or to control? Certainly not themselves.

This is dark times that will lead to soon who knows they won their illegalizing abortion fight, next up they're coming for the trans, and gay community. They've already been demonizing the trans, and LGB+ community for years, and they have the upper hand in that department as well. But there's plenty of history we can learn from, and some badass inspiring women who started an organization called The Jane Collective, which was a group of women in the 60s and 70s who provided free, cheap, accessible, and safe abortions for all women. We could do that again now if it boiled down to it especially with the way medical equipment have become much better, and our medical knowledge too. Also the black panther party was a grassroots community support organization that provides over 60+ free public services run by volunteers, and standing up for others, and themselves within the black community from police harassment. There's plenty of examples in history of everyday people banding together to provide and meet the needs of each other that the history books and education system don't want us to know that we all the power to change, and demand a better life if we really wanted to. They got to keep us down, and weak. Knowledge is power so that is why they only want us to know what they want us to know, believe, and think.

I've been enriching as much of my mind as possible with anarcha-feminist, black anarchism, and anarchist essays, and reading about the anarchist revolution during Spanish civil war, Haymarket affair, emma Goldman, the Blair mountain labor revolt, the Paris commune of 1872, and the Jane collective to open up my mind, and enrich myself with the knowledge of the potential especially if we learn from the past, and history that if we band together, support each other, and Collectively care and provide for one another we can provide a much better life for all.

Fuck the system! Let your voices be heard, and rise up! Don't let them walk all over us, or keep us starving begging for scraps when they decide they want to feed us. Take, and demand what you need don't wait for it to be given to you.

[soullessdhampir]

Heyy I've finally put out a new podcast episode on the NieR series. NieR automata, and NieR replicate are like one my favorite games I loved playing both of them so much, and this episode is all about both games! So if you're a NieR series nerd like me come have a listen. :3

[soullessdhampir]

Whooaaa dropping in outta the blue like I haven't been here in forever again. Life check up time!!! I'm 29 going on 30 in November 😱 no bueno. But other than that been with my boyfriend for 2 years and we're still going strong! I work and that's really it hah I've recently gone through a I must delete all social media for privacy reasons so people can't really stalk me, or find out much info on me on web, and to be more present in life. I've deactivated my fb, deleted my Instagram, and Twitter. I got rid of most my social media apps on my phone besides Messenger so I can know when dnd night is since my dnd group's chat is on messenger, and then my discord and Snapchat hah other than that I just go to work, read a lot, been watching a lot of law and order criminal intent lately hah. I'm seeking less distractions, to be more present in life, and to start trying meditation. Life without social media or glued too much to online world is refreshing and actually gives you more time in day and it's more time to do other things that you want to do but keep putting off. Idk that's just me and what's up with life.

[soullessdhampir]

Heyy, don't mind me shamelessly self promoting my podcast! Please check out my podcast "Whatever this f*ckery is", I've kept my podcast pretty broad, and not about any specific topic so I can bounce around freely, and make any episode about whatever I want it to be about hah there's some episodes about personal traumas I been through, two part episode on dating while trans (part one I interview a trans man on his experience with dating, and a trans woman with her experience of dating, and then part two is all about my experiences), some episodes on my political leanings, and spirituality, and then some reviews! My podcast is very diy, and recorded, edited, And produced by me! You can find it on Spotify, google podcasts, apple podcasts, and anchor! Links below.

Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/5QX86n3UjPlOUAXcoBvvof?si=6H-dA8SHR4mBkVQ8PxKa9Q&utm_source=copy-link&dl_branch=1

Anchor: https://anchor.fm/whateverthisfckryis

Google podcasts: https://podcasts.google.com/feed/aHR0cHM6Ly9hbmNob3IuZm0vcy80N2RjMGRkOC9wb2RjYXN0L3Jzcw?ep=14

Apple podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/whatever-this-f-ckry-is/id1548956463

[soullessdhampir]

Love photos! :3 together 1 year and 7 months.

[soullessdhampir]

Here's a bunch of recent photos of me! In quite the beauty. :3

[soullessdhampir]

Ohh hello everyone I'm just popping in to say hello, and I forgot about my Tumblr. So you'll probably receive sever posts from today, and then I'll disappear into the ethereal again until my next return!

I'm doing very well as of lately. I'm 28, dating an amazing guy who's super sweet, and we been together for 1 year and 7 months! He's my longest relationship and my first long-term relationship I'm looking forward to reaching 2 years together :3

I'm living with my grandma now to help take care of her since she fell and broke her leg two years ago and I work part time at a grocery store. I'm hoping to find something better paying at some point just in case if gram keels over, but also I'd loved to get a place with my boyfriend.

What do I do? Ohh well I've started my own podcast that I record, edit, and produce myself! I'll make a separate post all on that and links to where you can listen if you're interested! It's a fun little hobby project of mine that I don't even look to trying to make money off from sponsorships or add, so you get to enjoy an ad free podcast that is all done by me! I might only make a Patreon or something if people start leaving me feedback on they'd love to support or donate. But until then I like doing this just outta pure enjoyment of having a podcast.

I also twitch stream! I mainly play horror, single player story driven, jrpgs, and rpg games. But I've just recently started play call of duty cold war and black ops 4 and I suck at them and keep dying but I have fun dying bc I laugh Everytime and I laugh when my limbs are blown off. You can find my twitch at twitch.tv/soullessdhampir

Byyyyyeeeeee

[soullessdhampir]

some thoughts are so private that you only share them with a therapist or 17,000 people on the internet

[soullessdhampir]

[soullessdhampir]

I'm so uncomfortable with asking for help, but what with this being such a huge, and important milestone in my life and transition that I'd love to achieve I figured why not try making one these gofundme. Any amount even just $1 is very much appreciated, and thank you so much! Also reblogs would be very much so appreciated as well! Thank you so much in advance!

[soullessdhampir]

i love the infinite multiverse theory bc that means there’s a universe where ive pulled every single fire alarm ive ever seen

[soullessdhampir]

UDL Guard: Hey, you can’t go in there. It’s off limits

Captain: Not to worry, I have a permit. *hands paper*

UDL Guard: This just says “I can do what I want”

[soullessdhampir]

y'all ever get bored but like in an angry way….like you keep picking things up and putting them down bc none of them is The Right Thing and you have like pent up manic energy but absolutely nothing is holding your interest long enough to release it and you’re just >:(

[soullessdhampir]

[soullessdhampir]

SADFKJAHSDFKJSDJ

[soullessdhampir]

better now than never. better a little than none.