ssaassbitches

[ssaassbitches]

Amelie, on the phone: Hey, Hailie, do you remember when you told me Santa wasn’t real?

Amelie: Well jokes on you, because I’m at the mall right now and guess who’s fucking here.

[ssaassbitches]

Hailie: Wanna see a trick?

Breann: The last time you showed me a trick, it took two weeks for my eyebrows to grow back.

[ssaassbitches]

Hailie: (props feet on table) So, I heard you like bad boys.

Amelie: What? No?

Hailie: (immediately takes feet off table) Oh thank God, that felt horrible.

[ssaassbitches]

Amelie: I lost Hailie!

Julia: You lost Hailie?!

Amelie: Give me a break. She’s like two inches tall.

[ssaassbitches]

Amelie: (mumbling in Latin)

Hailie: Listen, for the last time, I’m not a demon and you can’t exorcise me

Amelie, crossing number 5 off of the list: It was worth a try

[ssaassbitches]

Amelie: I hope they appreciate the work we put into this.

Amelie: Lets have a moment to reflect the work we did.

Both Hailie and Amelie: (close eyes and reflect)

Hailie: Yeah, we didn’t do much

[ssaassbitches]

(Demon hunting)

Amelie: (pulls out a vial) I have my vial of holy water? What do you have for protection?

Hailie: (laughs)

Hailie: myself

[ssaassbitches]

Breann: Amelie passed out on the ping pong table. It was depressing until Hailie started singing Shakira an hour later and we heard her muffled voice singing along.

[ssaassbitches]

Amelie: whoops

Hailie: whoops? WHOOPS? this is not a “whoops” situation. we are far past whoops. whoops is a distant speck in the rearview mirror. we are solidly in “oh fuck” territory, and i expect you to act like it

[ssaassbitches]

Azaiza: You two need to stop doing weird things. Going out might help.

Amelie: We went to the park today

Azaiza: There you go! I hope you got something from that

Amelie: Yeah we did

Hailie: (opens her bag) this duck

[ssaassbitches]

Hailie: Murder is like potato chips. You can’t stop with just one.

[ssaassbitches]

Amelie: Hey, I have kind of crazy idea.

Hailie: Those are never comforting words coming from you.

[ssaassbitches]

Hailie’s Brother, looking outside: What time is it?

Hailie, upset: A terrible time.

Hailie’s Mom: 6 o’clock

[ssaassbitches]

Hailie: My mama didn't raise a quitter, but she did raise a fool, and it turns out those two things are a terrible combination

[ssaassbitches]

Hailie: Every conversation I have with you people gets more and more absurd!

Amelie: You say “you people” like you’re not a part of the family. Well, I’ve got news for you, Bromeo. You’re already on the Christmas card.

[ssaassbitches]

Amelie: Ok! I have a plan! But first, I have to ask; how much do you like your kneecaps?

Hailie: …

Hailie: Well they’re certainly fucking useful! What kind of question is that?!

[ssaassbitches]

Amelie: For whatever reason, you suddenly gain godlike powers of control over the universe. What’s the first thing you do?

Hailie: I straight up get rid of all the carbon.

Amelie: Carbon, as in the chemical element upon which all life forms are based?

Hailie: Thats the bitch.