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[staceybenjilt]

2019 - decade in review

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[staceybenjilt]

The three comics I’m working on. Lame Bread (this one I devote the most time and energy into) It’s about a girl who falls off a balcony onto a giant talking cat. (First two pictures) Paredolia is about a woman who cannot recognize faces (prosopagnosia) (next two pictures) The Many Fears of Freida (This one I just started) is about a panphobic (fear of everything) woman who at the age of 39 decides to take control of her life with the help of her emotional support ferret. (Last picture, Freida is on the right) My tablet’s pen stopped working so now I’m just sketching drafts of pages. Posting these since I’ll have nothing completed to share for a while.

[staceybenjilt]

Some recent-ish artwork I’ve been doing lately (Outside of my comic) Some of them are unfinished. I’ve barely even touched the background on the oil painting with the guy and the cat. Some day, perhaps years from now. I’ll actually finish that painting.

[staceybenjilt]

Most of these concepts apply to visual art as well. Art For God's Sake discusses the issue of Christian art being predominantly lackluster, and it urges artists to strive to achieve a level of artistic accomplishment that's on par with secular art.

I’m really nervous to write about this but

When I was younger, I read a lot of Christian books. In high school, I wrote a paper on Christian literature, specifically, what it is about Christian literature that makes it often flatter and less compelling than other genres. I’m not saying it all sucks, but I am saying that somehow, I’ve noticed through my life that Christian books suck more than their secular counterparts on average. I found them to often be juvenile, one-dimensional and derivative, and I didn’t think it had to be that way. I didn’t think that being Christian made a book bad, but I observed that the genre was stuffed with a lot of bad books, and the bad books were far worse than bad books outside the category. 

I’m not intending to start a discussion about Christian literature; I’m not alone in feeling this way or noticing this phenomenon if you believe it’s a thing. Online, you can read a lot of articles discussing the same thing: that Christian lit tends to be lower quality. So I wanted to know why. 

To answer the question, I looked at interviews of Christian authors and submission guidelines for Christian publishers. I wished to understand the intent behind writings in the genre and what might lead to the difference in quality. And what I found was very illuminating. 

Essentially, many Christian authors and publishers feel that: 

1. their books have a responsibility to promote morality in their readers, and authors are somewhat responsible for the moral fiber of their readers  

2. there has to be a strong delineation between “moral” and “immoral” behavior in books 

3. many topics either can’t be addressed at all or must be very clearly pointed out as “bad” if they are 

4. certain topics and ideas ought to be brought up in a book and pointed out as good as part of the purpose or meaning of the book

The conclusion I came to was that these ideas were resulting in flat, one-dimensional characters and dull plots. The responsibility of promoting moral integrity, and having to make absolutely sure that nothing you write could condone or promote immoral behavior, was of paramount importance. 

And what that caused was preachiness, one-dimensionality, a lack of compelling moral conflict, flat characters, and intellectually numbing stories. 

Why am I talking about this? 

Because a lot of the ideas I’ve been seeing spread around in writeblr and in the online writing and reading communities as a whole are identical. 

A lot of the posts I see online now about writing are almost exact echoes of the ideas I wrote about in my paper. 

Nowadays, I see posts constantly urging people to think about why they want to write their stories, and whether they are good or helpful or edifying. I see authors being slammed for not condemning characters with disgusting beliefs hard enough. I see people being dragged for liking characters that are not morally and ideologically pure. I see posts telling people to approach any difficult topic with extreme caution and crisp, unmistakable condemnation. Media is widely vilified when its fandom becomes toxic or nasty, assumed to be at fault for the moral fiber of its fans.

I see authors and publishers advertising their books as “feminist”, as if that makes any sense at all (is the author feminist? Does it just handle female characters well? Are the characters feminist? Is it focused on women’s issues?). I open a book and see poorly-integrated lines of dialogue dropping ideas about prejudice or gender that seem like a Tumblr post or part from a nonfiction book on racism inserted directly into a character’s mouth. I don’t think feminism is bad. I think feminism is great. And I don’t think talking about prejudice or gender is bad. I think these things need to be talked about. I definitely don’t think these ideas can’t be expressed in fiction. On the contrary; I think fiction is one of the best ways of expressing important ideas. 

But, I see some kind of preoccupation with the ideas your writing promotes, prominently including the idea that you must promote and you must condemn certain ideas, and that everything you write makes a statement about morality, and you’re responsible for edifying your audience and making them better people. And it’s really, really familiar. 

The conclusion that my paper came to is that you can’t clean up the reality of humanity. You can’t make the messiness of existence crisp and clear so you can feed your readers the ideas you want them to absorb bite by bite. You can’t have light without darkness, and you can’t have either without shades of gray. 

In life, racist people will not always be obviously horrible. (Even though sometimes they are…) Sometimes they will be people who love their spouses and kids and are generally “nice” and adopt dogs and love kittens, and they will still be racist. Sometimes even “good” people will say or do racist things and have to realize their mistakes and then make mistakes again and have to realize THOSE mistakes. Sometimes getting out of ideas you grew up hearing is long and difficult and you have to catch your brain repeating them even years after you tried to change. Racism can be passive, subtle, it can exist in people who are “good” in some ways. Sometimes people make progress toward changing but still have problems. How do we show this in books? Is it an author’s responsibility to solve all this and sort out everything? 

Is it racist for a racist character who is seeking redemption  to not have entirely overcome their prejudices by the end of a book? Is it the author’s responsibility to make sure racist behavior in the book is clearly labeled? Is it a reflection of the author’s views if a character says something racist? 

Note that I’m asking these questions. I’m definitely open to and would like perspectives from other people on this, people of color foremost and especially. The idea I am exploring is, does giving an author the responsibility of making sure their book clearly and unequivocally promotes certain ideas and condemns others impair them? Could it make it more difficult to address the ideas they want to? 

When I analyzed Christian literature, the conclusion I had to reach was that it does. I found christian lit as a whole to be excessively black-and-white, simplistic, shy of tackling anything with complexity, and almost dishonest about human nature. Is there an analogy in this situation? 

In life, relationships aren’t always pure and unproblematic. People don’t fall neatly into “people who have never done anything to hurt their partner” and abusers. People can sometimes have problems in their relationships and have to change their behaviors to preserve their relationships. Relationships have difficulties and arguments. Sometimes a person needs to change or become better in order to have a healthy relationship. Sometimes a relationship can be unhealthy without being abusive, and sometimes relationships are abusive. Must the author draw lines about “toxicity” and “problematicness” in super clear neon spray paint so people know the difference? 

These arguments come up about all sorts of morality-related things in books. And on some level I agree, you shouldn’t promote racism, and you should be careful and sensitive about portraying some things, but I am also extremely apprehensive about certain aspects of this culture that has sprung up. 

It’s really almost totally identical to what I noticed about Christian literature, and imo there it has done a lot of damage. I don’t really believe that authors are totally past being responsible for damage their ideas do, quite the opposite. But there is this expectation of dictating what’s bad and what’s good on a very clear level. 

That was part of the problem i noticed in Christian literature, the teaching of ideas rather than forcing readers to consider them. 

I’m not trying to talk over anybody at all, esp with things about racism, I’m white after all. And I really urge and ask my white followers and people-who-see-this-post to listen to the opinions, ideas and feelings of people of color who reply on the topic of racism. What I really want is everybody to consider this: is it an author’s job to make sure all “bad” and “good” things in their book are clearly delineated? If not, what is the best practice for an author? If not, might this cause problems? The culture I am seeing in the writeblr community seems to hold that it is, and rejection of redemption for villains, morally ambiguous situations and characters, addressing of complicated topics, and portraying anything “bad” without making absolutely certain that it’s clearly wrong is growing. 

Personally, I have a bad feeling about it. 

Thoughts? 

[staceybenjilt]

*releases pack of dads into home depot* go……be free

[staceybenjilt]

Good things to practice. When it comes to criticism I'm open to it but only from people whose opinions I respect.

Ten things I practice as a woman artist:

Thank people who compliment my art.

Agree with people who compliment my art.

Avoid deprecating my own art (for example with self-hating language in hashtags like #mystupidart or #Imsuchtrash).

Avoid apologizing for my art.

Avoid defending my art to people who aren’t interested in helping me grow for my sake.

Do not accept or internalize criticism that comes without my consent.

Share my older art from time to time as a reminder of my growth.

Celebrate accomplishments and milestones.

Write and talk about my art so I’m more aware of my choices.

Take my art seriously, even if I’m being silly. Always respect myself.

[staceybenjilt]

This is so important. I was lucky to be able to drop the mentality that I needed to be with someone fairly young. I spent the next 5 years being single and having the time of my life.

i’m so done with the way girls in twenties are treated. i’m so done with people who literally create timetable for us. 20- 24  find a guy, 24-26 make him propose to you, 27-29 get married. i’m so done. i’m do not want to get 2 a.m texts from my best friend who is freaking out that she is gonna die alone. i do not want see my 20 years old friend wasting her time on some guys who are not even interested in her. i do not want see us falling for every nice guy who does not look creepy. i do not want to see girls get sad or paranoid just bcos they do not fill in the schedule. you are ok. you should enjoy your life at its fullest and one day you will find 10/10 so do not pursue 6 just because you do not want to be single. it is ok and one day you will find someone. do not split your love with people who does not deserve it. keep it for yourself and when time will come you will know. i know it hurts. i know you wish u could just open part of yourself and release the buzzing love. but not every kind of love is romantic. show it to your family, friends, plants, yourself.

[staceybenjilt]

Not sure if it'll help sharing this here, but it's worth a shot. I don't know this person, but I know how hard it is to get away from family that wants to keep you down.

Please consider giving if you can.

[staceybenjilt]

Stupid Dream Diary

Sometimes readers ask if I get a lot of ideas or inspiration for Lackadaisy from dreams.  Well, uhhh…I guess you could say this is an unfortunate glimpse of how the comic would go if I did.  I made these for Patrons last summer while I was traveling and didn’t have a way to make a full sized comic update. There’s a little more to this, but I couldn’t fit it in the post. I’ll share later!

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Lackadaisy is on Patreon - there’s extra stuff!

[staceybenjilt]

This is very similar to my experience with being asexual.

My Asexual Story, 2018.

Another little autobiographical comic I whipped together (this was drawn in like two hours tops so don’t judge the drawings lmao). To clarify, I am in a happy long-term committed relationship with a non-ace girl and we’re both very happy with our relationship, and I have never had bad experiences with relationships because of my asexuality. Being ace isn’t a big deal to me - I barely think about it - but asexuality is something that a lot of people seem to have trouble fully understanding, so I wanted to take some time to describe it the way I see it in my life and from my perspective. Every story is different - here’s mine.

[staceybenjilt]

A drawing I did of a friend's dog.

[staceybenjilt]

I had almost the exact experience with Hey Arnold. I rediscovered it as an adult and loved it more than I ever did as a kid.

I didn't think the Jungle Movie would happen either even though my heart actually ached for it (not an expression I use often). I even had dreams it was made.

Now, Hey Arnold gives me hope that other worthwhile shows could come back.

Okay, now that The Jungle Movie has been made after all these years of uncertainty regarding its fate, there is something I want to confess to all of you, my fellow fans and friends who also love Hey Arnold!

Although I first watched some of Hey Arnold! when I was 12, I rediscovered it and began to make a real contribution to the fandom in late 2009 to early 2010. I started by watching episodes again, many of which I never even got to see before, such as the second half of the fifth season. It was during that time that I also learned about the disappointing results of the first movie, that there was a second film planned, that being The Jungle Movie, and that said film was cancelled, despite the final produced episode “The Journal” being made as a prequel to this movie.

Anyway, my confession is…when I first learned about TJM and why it was cancelled in the first place, I didn’t have much, if any, faith or belief at all that the film still had a chance of being made one day. 😔

Yes, it’s true. Unlike Arnold, I have just never been an optimist, and I thought in all the years that had passed since the show was cancelled and “The Journal” had aired on TV, the chances of getting the film made now were very slim. Basically, the increasing amount of time that passed since the show ended was leading to other factors that seemed to reduce the chances of the film getting green-lit and subsequently produced. For one thing, it had been over half a decade since the series ended, and Nickelodeon seemed to have abandoned the idea of producing TJM entirely. So I didn’t think we could get Nickelodeon to listen to us now, no matter what we did to try and make them listen. For a second thing, all of the actors who voiced the children on the show had grown up and would most likely have to be replaced. But it seemed hard to picture some of them being voiced by anyone else, such as Francesca Marie Smith being replaced as the voice of Helga. For a third thing, I also thought Craig Bartlett might have forgotten most of his ideas for how the film would have played out and how much he would have to remember or start from scratch to make the film in the first place.

Now just because I didn’t have much faith or optimism about the fate of TJM doesn’t mean that I didn’t want it to ever be made; on the contrary, I was all for it! Since 2009, I signed any and all petitions I found about TJM so I could do my part in helping to have the film made. At the same time, however, I just couldn’t help believing that the chances kept getting slimmer as more time went on for reasons I gave above. A few years after my rediscovery of Hey Arnold!, I still wanted to help, but I rarely heard about any new developments about the fans’ progress with getting TJM. So it just gave me the pessimism and sole belief that we would never get the film, no matter what we did. It was also a major point where I had to move on because of other things happening in my life, and I knew that I couldn’t make this fandom my entire life. I never once stopped being a huge fan of Hey Arnold!, but I was no longer as active as I used to be, so I decided to step away for a while and see what fate could offer us.

Long story short (yeah, I know, it’s too late 😆), all I can say now is…I am SO thrilled to have been proven wrong about it all! 😁  I never thought being wrong could make you feel so wonderful! In fact, I’m not merely happy that The Jungle Movie has been made at long last; I am in complete awe and amazement at how much the effort we fans put into making it happen for all these years has managed to pay off at last! So maybe from now on, I’ll try to be more optimistic like our favorite football-headed friend Arnold!

Congratulations, everyone! We SAVED The Jungle Movie! 😄

[staceybenjilt]

On one hand, it's embarrassing looking at all this old, ugly-as-sin art, but on the other hand it highlights how much better I've gotten.

I have mixed feelings about this one.

Remember in The Black Cube when Wander said never hurts to help and Sylvia replied with, “Do you know how often you say that immediately before WE ACTUALLY GET HURT!?”

Good times.

Excessively literal jokes aside, I’ve always interpreted “Never hurts to help” in a broader sense, I guess. More like, a world where people help each other tends to hurt a lot less than one where people are indifferent.

Anyway, I’ve never been great at articulating these things.

Also, I’m pretty sure this is all a huge misunderstanding and Wander and Sylvia are frolicking through the galaxy somewhere completely oblivious that many people believe them to be dead.

[staceybenjilt]

Sketchy doodle of my favorite We Bare Bears ship.

[staceybenjilt]

I found some old sketchbook doodles. These are maybe 2 years old.

[staceybenjilt]

COMMISSIONS ARE OPEN FOR 2018 

PayPal [USD] 

 message me here or at kingsleepyhead@gmail if interested! 

 or if you’d rather just lend a hand i take donations thru ko-fi! https://ko-fi.com/kingsleepyhead

[staceybenjilt]

Portrait I drew of Dr. Oliver Sacks. I loved his book The Mind's Eye. I'm currently reading both On the Move and The Island of the Colorblind.