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starktson · 4 years

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What to do after you change your name

So you just changed your name, what now? Well in South Carolina, the first thing after you receive your court order is to go to the Social Security Office and apply for a new social security card. I went pretty early in the morning and I was definitely the youngest person there. I had printed out this form and already fill it out prior to going to the office. I don’t really remember what else but my new one came in the mail a few weeks later.

https://www.ssa.gov/forms/ss-5.pdf

After receiving your new social security card, you will need your birth certificate. I had put in my petition to receive a new one because in SC, they will not give you a new one unless you request to have it amended. The quickest way is to go to the DHEC office in Columbia. You can go to your local or closest one but they will have to mail stuff off to Columbia. Then Columbia has to find and mail things back so that could take up to 6 weeks. I went to my local office and was told all this but I made the decision to go to Columbia. I had my court order and new social security card and I went to the office. They took a my certified copy of my court order and I was not prepared for that. Luckily I had a second official copy not just photocopied but yeah be prepared for that. It also costs $12.

https://www.scdhec.gov/sites/default/files/Library/D-2595.pdf

Next is the DMV, this was actually the easiest one for me. You’ll need your court order, social security card, and birth certificate. Fill out this form and I had to get a new license so I had to pay for that but it was actually the quickest and easiest trip to the DMV ever.

http://www.scdmvonline.com/-/media/Forms/4057.ashx?la=en&hash=0EB9103C93678B33F0FB3CD45E171B582A6A50CD

After getting all of those you’re set as to your government identifications but even a year and a half later I am finding things I would not have thought about so here’s a list of things to get changed after you have all of the above:

(Also I recommend scanning your court order, license, birth certificate, and social security card and keeping them in your files on your phone (if you have an iPhone) because you will be sending a lot of emails and need them)

-BANK (I went in person and they changed the name on the account but I ended up having issues with it not being changed with paying people because it was a separate system. It could have just been my bank but make sure that not only is your account name changed and new card applied for but to send money to a friend and see if it’s under your new name or not. I had to play phone tag for a few weeks to get it fixed)

-Depending on how important it is to you, your diploma(s). I personally wanted my name on mine and so I had to call and they won’t give you a new one unless you say you changed genders. I guess it is all based on your school district too. It also cost some money so it’s not really necessary if you don’t want it

-I am going into college so I had to get my test scores all changed. So I reached out to College Board via email and that took about a week. My school district is dumb and won’t actually let me change it on my transcript but I am trying.

-YOUR CREDIT!!! I am having so many issues with this right now. I had to mail TransUnion a copy of everything to get it changed and I probably will have to with Experian and Equifax. Credit Karma still does not believe it is me and I have been fighting with them for almost 6 months. So after I changed it with Trans Union and Credit Karma didn’t work Credit Sesame is a good alternative.

-Email, you might wanna make a new one with your new name because even if you change your name on your email, whatever name you set up your account as is what it will say whenever you send someone an email

-Landlords, employers/HR, coworkers, friends, doctor’s offices, social media

-PHARMACY!!! INSURANCE!!! My pharmacy is a local family owned one and they were great but I’m sure big chains are probably a pain. Insurance luckily enough my mom had just got us new insurance a few months after my name change so I just had to apply as my new name.

I will continue to update the list as I remember things but yeah. Those are the big ones and I still randomly get spam emails addressed to my birth name and it is very awkward. So yeah...send me any questions if you have any :D

#trans #name change #transgender #ftm #mtf #gender marker #south carolina

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starktson · 4 years

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How to Legally Change Your Name in South Carolina

Hello! I legally changed my name in January of 2019 so here’s the steps I took along with a story time:

This link has a lot of helpful information: http://serioussurvivor.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/02/SCNameChangePacket-small.pdf

I just found this and this did not exist when I was changing my name so yeah have this as well lol

https://eforms.com/name-change/sc/

Step 1: Request name change documents from SLED--- you call them and they send you an envelope with stuff in it. I don’t remember what is exactly in it but you will need to type some stuff up and it does not have everything in it you need.

Step 2: Get fingerprinted at local police station. Prices vary place to place mine cost $12. (This is for the background check)

Step 3: Fill out the SLED document and get $25 money order and mail to SLED.--- This took about two months for it to come back to me.

Step 4: Fill out this form from DSS but WAIT before you get it notarized, you have several things so if you want to make several trips do so but fill it out.(It should be in the SLED pack as well) You’ll also need $8 money order or something like it. (money order is easiest)

https://dss.sc.gov/resource-library/forms_brochures/files/3072.pdf

Step 5: Also in the link at the top is a sample affidavit stating you are not under any court order to pay child support or alimony. Type out your own and put in your necessary information. --- You can find your counties court district usually on the counties courthouse website or just call your courthouse.

Step 6: Type out another affidavit about being convicted.

https://eforms.com/images/2017/12/South-Carolina-Name-Change-Affidavit-1.pdf

Step 7: Take the affidavit AND DSS form you filled out to get notarized.--- I am not sure how else to get it notarized but I went to my local UPS store and it cost $10 per one

Step 8: Mail the DSS form and they will mail it back it takes a few weeks.

Step 9: You will need an official copy of your birth certificate. If you do not have one you can request one from DHEC.

https://www.vitalchek.com/order_main.aspx?eventtype=BIRTH

Step 10: Wait for SLED and DSS stuff to get back to you. While you wait you can type up your petition. A sample is in the top link and you can find other sample petitions online as well.

Step 11: Fill out a request for a hearing

https://eforms.com/images/2017/12/South-Carolina-Name-Change-Request-For-Hearing-Form.pdf

Step 13: You will also need a coversheet

https://eforms.com/images/2017/12/South-Carolina-Name-Change-Family-Court-Coversheet.pdf

EVERYTHING YOU SHOULD HAVE:

Petition (1 or 2 pages)

DSS Consent Form

SLED Background Check

Conviction Affidavit

Child Support/Alimony Affidavit

An official copy of your birth certificate

Request for hearing

Family Court Coversheet

OPTIONAL: Doctor’s note about gender marker change. Just make sure it is also in your petition if you have this as well or you can file at a different time. (I did not have surgery beforehand. My letter just said all the affects of hormones were permanent and treatment will be life long but everything should be changed to other gender)

STEP 13: Take all of that and take it to the court house with $150 money order (or something similar) to file. You take it to family court and you will probably have to go through metal detectors.

Step 14: Wait for court date and get name changed :D

What happened with me was I filed on October 24th and I got a date for November 7th. When I got to the court I was waiting and apparently there is some law now about having to notify DHEC of your name change or something. So it was not denied but my name did not get changed that day. I found a lawyer and paid for her and she ended up not having to notify DHEC but had to do something else. Anywho, after that was fixed with DHEC I got another court date and got my name changed on January 7th. Now changing everything else was a hassle and I’ll make a post about that too. DHEC doesn’t technically have to be notified it’s some new thing and it is not on any other place about getting your name changed. So don’t freak out if it happens to you but just be aware it could happen and the best bet is to get a lawyer. I Know money wise that probably is not feasible for most people. Without the lawyer I probably spent $208. If you have any questions please feel free to ask but I hope this helped. I know there was never a full document of what everything I need to do when I was doing this in late 2018.

#transgender #ftm #trans #name change #south carolina #mtf #gender marker #testosterone

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starktson · 4 years

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starktson · 4 years

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How I got on T at 17

How I got on hormones is a very unconventional story and absolutely hope no one has to go through what I went through. So this is more a warning story more than anything. Firstly, my mom after the initial “AH YOU’RE TRANS?!?!” year or so she has been my biggest supporter. I would not be here if it was not for her.

So at 16, my primary care physician referred me to a children’s endocrinologist about 2 hours away. I went to that appointment and I didn’t get on hormones. I don’t remember the appointment honestly. I remember taking a photo out the big window in the office and the really tight blood pressure cuff but that was about it. My mom at the time was still very wary of me going on hormones and I was really trying to more get on blockers because my “time of month” aka Tom, was horrid. I was scared to go on birth control because I did not want to put more female hormones in my body. I did end up going on birth control though because Tom was so bad.

After that endocrinologist appointment, I kind of just gave up and thought I wouldn’t get on hormones until I was 18. I had recently lost my insurance (thanks asshole of a father) so I was going to this healthcare clinic that had everything under the sun there. It had Adult Medicine, Pediatrics, Dentist, OBGYN, Pharmacy, Eyedoctor...etc. I went there for an eye exam because I needed new glasses. I sitting in an exam room with my mom and the nurse was asking just normal questions. We brought up I was trans because I went by a different name. My mom happens to ask if a doctor there dealt with trans people and the nurse said yes. So we made an appointment with Dr Jones.

I remember this day vividly, I was my final day of junior year and I was so excited. (Little did I know it would be hell for two years). My mom picked me up after school and we went to the clinic. I signed in and they called me back. We sat in the exam room for almost an hour without seeing anyone. Finally after my mom complained a nurse came in saying, “You’re still 17 so you need to go to pediatrics downstairs.” We explained we were here to see Dr Jones because he dealt with trans people. So we waited again in the exam room for another hour. Finally we had enough and went to complain to management. No one had been in to help us. As we were complaining, an awkward and tall man came in and apologized. So we went back and Dr Jones said that he would prescribe me hormones as long as I got a therapist’s letter. He gave me an organization about an hour away that could help with that. I am not even sure what he said but he wanted me to come back tomorrow to meet the pediatric guy downstairs because I guess he was “an ally.”

I came back the next day even though it still felt really weird and anxiety provoking. This man, Dr H was an extremely creepy man. He immediately started calling himself LGBT but then said he was not gay or anything just an ally. I honestly do not remember the timeline exactly because this whole thing was very traumatic but basically the organization that Dr Jones referred me to could not write me a letter and Dr H ended up becoming my therapist for 3 very uncomfortable and inappropriate sessions.

Upon hearing his last name, I immediately looked up Dr H. The last name was my stepmom and she was in social work too. Her last name come to find out was from her previous husband and Dr H were not related but they did know each other and were friends on Facebook. So the first time meeting him in his actual office for a therapy appointment, I went by myself and there was a weird lady there too. I do not remember why she was there but I remember her telling me before he came to his office that she was on Testosterone at one point for some reason and when she was “her clit got bigger. Did I want that to happen to me? That’s so weird hehehe”

First of all, what the actual fuck? I met you five minutes ago and you’re asking me about my genitals. I love how people think that is an appropriate question when finding out I am trans. Anywho, she left and Dr H and I talked asking normal questions and at the end I did bring up my stepmom. He just said “oh you’re *deadbeat dad’s name* kid” yeah sadly.He said he believed I was trans and would write me the letter. I shook his hand and his response was “your hands are so soft. to be a man you need callous’s. go rub your hand on some concrete.” and we left.

I saw him before my first appointment upstairs to get my prescription for T. Then the following week, the final appointment with Dr H, I saw him before my check up with Dr Jones upstairs. This is where shit hits the fan. My mom came with me because I was uncomfortable. He without my mom in the room yet, told me he had a crush on my stepmom and how she always called him for advice. (Found out later my stepmom hated him and he was not a very good doctor and in general just a creep). My mom came in the room and I was fuming from that. How do I react? She was saying how I thought it was weird my stepmom and him knew each other and he then tells her what he just told me. He then starts making up shit about how I don’t have any trans friends. I then I reminded him of my friend that I was jealous of at the time because he was younger than me and on hormones but I felt bad for him because his mom still called him his birth name. He then asks me “What’s his birth name?” Um IDK. He then tries to get me to tell him this other trans guys birth name. I honestly have no clue nor do I care. Dr H then tells me, “I don’t know you by your *chosen name* I see your chart under *birth name* and that’s your name.” My mom sees how upset I am starting to get and I finally break. I called him an asshole and how much he reminded of my abusive father. He got weirdly calm and asked me to step out so he could talk to my mom privately.

Do I think that was the appropriate response now? Probably not but if that hadn’t happened to me I would not be who I am today. I was just learning that I can fight for myself then and that’s what I was going to do. I was not going to be manipulated any more. He told my mom that I needed to apologize and set up an appointment for the following week. I told my mom I was not going to go to that appointment. We go upstairs for the check up appointment and we have to wait a stupid long time like always and we tell Dr Jones what happened because they are friends. He steps outside and we hear him flip a table outside. A nurse comes in and says he will be a few minutes. So he had a temper tantrum and when he came back said I did not have to see him anymore.

That is the Dr H story but the Dr Jones story is not much better. When I had to come back the next day to initially meet Dr H. He introduced me to another one of his patients, an older trans woman. Come to find out Dr Jones had only really ever dealt with older trans women and I was his first trans man. I am saying this very loudly YOU SHOULD NOT HAVE TO EDUCATE A DOCTOR ABOUT YOUR CONDITIONS!!! So here is a list of inappropriate things he did:

-Immediately after giving me my T prescription, “Now it’s time to get yourself a strap-on” (I had literally never had a conversation about literally anything with this man and he thinks I am sex crazed or something)

-His staff always would ask would I like a pap smear done every time I came into the office.

-The blood work lady would repeatedly sing my birth name because it was pretty and every time I tried to say that I don’t go by that she would say “well that’s what is on my paper work”

-Tried to hug me and/or weird bro handshake thing every time (I am not a touchy person)

-Gave me a ninja turtle McDonald’s toy because “You’re a boy now”

-One hurricane we had he laughed and said “oh it’s hurricane you” (i mean yeah it sounded like my name but it was spelled wrong) (not really inappropriate but like serious spell people’s name correctly)

I always felt uncomfortable going to see him and I continued to see him for a year because “yay I was on Testosterone.” He kept telling me that I needed to be more social or he would take my testosterone away. Hello I grew up in a household that I was punished for even asking to go to the store with my father. How the hell do you think I am just casually going to go to LGBT events you keep shoving down my throat. Even then I was not very comfortable being out. He wanted me to be this “flaming queer” and I just wanted to be a teenage boy worried about getting his license. When I graduated it turned into “Do you have a job yet?” And don’t get me started with how upset he was that I was taking a gap year.

I remember walking up those step each time feeling like my heart was going to fall out of my body. I literally have PTSD from this place. He did sign a letter saying “my body had changed enough and was not going to go back” so I could get my gender marker changed. I had an appointment the day after my name got changed and I was so excited. He literally could not give a shit. I brought my court order and they supposedly changed everything in their system (they didn’t).

So next time I saw him was six months after that appointment and that would be the last time I saw him. I came in, my name wasn’t changed, I was pissed. I showed my changed license, social, insurance, everything and they STILL DID NOT CHANGE IT. (I still get mail from them in my birth name). This was the first appointment I had to drive separately from my mom. I still made her come with me because I hated that place so very much and was so anxious every time I had to go there.

So we wait a long time like always and go back. He was finally like “oh you got your name changed” nah really? I had no clue At this time I did have a job and he was like “cool where?” I knew I need to keep some sort of something to myself. So I responded, “The mall.” I mean it’s technically not wrong. He said, “No what store?” I said, “It *in city that’s 30 minutes away*” and he asked a few more times what store and I kept saying it was at the mall. He finally asked, “Why won’t you tell me?” I said, “I don’t have to tell you. I am allowed to keep somethings to myself.” He got weirdly quiet calm too and said go get your blood work done. So my mom and I went and sat waiting for the weird blood lady like always and I feel proud of myself. I stood up for myself. My mom is uncomfortable and Dr Jones walks in and asks my mom (not me MY MOM) am I seeing a therapist. And I wasn’t and he said, “He needs to work on his attitude issues before he sees me again. He needs a therapist before his next appointment or no more Testosterone.”

I finally felt like my own fucking person. My mom and I waited 5ish more minutes for the weird blood lady. We had talked for months and several occasions of how uncomfortable he made me and how I wanted to find another doctor. I turned to her and said, “I don’t want to come back so why do I have to get my blood drawn?” So we walked down the stairs and for once my anxiety was slipping away. We parked close to each other but I turned around and screamed “FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU!” at the building and my voice went numb and it was one of those out of body experiences that just NEEDED to happen.

I have never felt so liberated doing that. Driving home in separate cars with my mom was really awkward because I knew she was upset with how I handled that but as more and more time goes on from these events I feel better. I am very grateful I am on Testosterone but I would not wish this experience onto anyone. Maybe it was just me mixed with my already existing trauma that made it so bad. I was doing my best and the more I was being forced the more I pushed back. Everyone has their own timeline for milestones and just because you aren’t “normal” doesn’t mean anyone should force you into a normal box.

Please even if you are going on hormones or anything your sanity is not worth the trauma please find a doctor that understands and doesn’t manipulate you. I feel bad because “others have it worse” or “you got on T” it is still trauma. You don’t control what is traumatic to your brain. Just please be careful and if you are uncomfortable, you are allowed to find another doctor

#trans #hormones #ftm #hrt #testosterone #transgender #name change #therapy #bad experience

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