If one more person makes an autism joke I will go from stemming to stabbing
1 note
·
View note
The thing they don't tell you about fried egg runny yolk is that if you put it in a sandwich it will be the best most delicious thing and you can mop up the egg with the bread, but in exchange you Will get so so messy and covered in egg yolk
90K notes
·
View notes
And at this moment, at 11:46 at night in mid-October, I choose to give humanity another chance.
Tell me a soft memory
231K notes
·
View notes
Starscream taking a joyride
20K notes
·
View notes
Old men
Part of getting older is realizing how absolutely insane it is that basically every form of media is constantly trying to convince us that the most interesting moments of the lived human experience are happening in HIGH SCHOOL…… girl who gives a flying fuck what 16 year olds are doing.
95K notes
·
View notes
You win my friend
Do not complain to me about how hard it is to navigate ao3 on mobile, young one. I hid under the bleachers and read Spirk fanfics on a BlackBerry during gym class. We are not the same.
605 notes
·
View notes
Do not complain to me about how hard it is to navigate ao3 on mobile, young one. I hid under the bleachers and read Spirk fanfics on a BlackBerry during gym class. We are not the same.
605 notes
·
View notes
the concept of 'sperm whale' is so fucking funny. these prudish victorians found a gigantic, terrifying sea-beast, and, discovering it was full of a thick, oily substance, immediately went 'is this fucking Cum???' and started fueling everything with it. they thought their whole sexually repressed society was running on the monstrous cum harvested by deadly expeditions to the black, icy sea. what kind of immaculate neuroses they must have had.
50K notes
·
View notes
“Five Hundred. Must be a…peach of a hand.” - Val Kilmer as Doc Holiday in Tombstone (1993)
326 notes
·
View notes
Jaw dropped
Eyes popped out of sockets and turned into hearts
Jaw is on the floor
Inhuman scream
Lung capacity tested
Heart Rate stopped
Palms are sweaty
Mom’s spaghetti
Mouth foaming
Medical attention needed
228 notes
·
View notes
Really could use that found family trope in my life right now.
1 note
·
View note