stellar11-blog1

[stellar11-blog1]

"The only way to grow, is by going inwards" - Tom Noonan .. lately I've been called to do just that, go inwards. To be still, calm and peaceful. To reflect, journal & really get in touch with my emotions. This weekend is all about that. I'm so happy it's Friday and tomorrow I'll be heading off to the Blue Mountains for a a full immersion day of #kundalini yoga 🦋 it's just what the Doctor ordered 😘 • • • • • • • #retreat #bluemountains #kundaliniyoga #switchoff #technologyfree #weekend #leaves #winter #techdetox #emotions #winterwithin #inspire #reflect #life #listentoyourheart #freedom #growth #journal #goals #dreams #meditation #spirituality #goinginwards #wellness #slowdown #imagine #relaxation #mindfulness #friday #friyayvibes

[stellar11-blog1]

Drug of choice: FOOD

It took me over 15 years to overcome depression, anxiety, low self-confidence and an eating disorder. Or/ so I thought.

 You see, these things never just go away. My mind is exploding with information, knowledge and tools to overcome destructive behaviours, which impact me in every way possible. Yet, all it took was one significant event to remind me of that ‘comfort zone’ of that sweet spot, of that loving embrace which provides instant gratification and pleasure.

 My drug of choice - food. So readily available, at every corner, at every shopping centre and at every social event possible. Impossible to resist and an essential requirement for life.

 I really thought I had it under control this time, slipping from a size 10 to a size 12 over a couple of months and then from a size 12 to a size 14. I still felt like it was OK. I am never going back to a size 22! I am recovered. I don’t have a problem.

 I am sitting here writing this at a size 16, just about to hit size 18. Disgusted and disappointed with myself. However/ this time it really is different.

 Just like an alcoholic, or a drug addict, I relapsed. I turned to my addiction at a time of hopelessness, of stress and deep grief. I needed someone to hold me and to tell me everything was going to be ok. I needed someone to remind me of my worth, I needed someone to acknowledge me and to assure me that I am not a complete failure. That putting on 18kg’s in 6 months is no big deal.

 I needed that someone … and that someone was ME.

 Even though my mind and my body is in pain, riddled with disappointment of how I could possibly allow this to happen to me again – I am being kind to myself. I am allowing the emotions to flow through and the tears to stream down.

 Those tools I acquired are being placed in to action. I am catching the negative thoughts and replacing them with positive ones. I am not allowing my disorder to dictate my social life and to isolate me from friends and family. I am not embarrassed of the way that I look or the judgement of others.

 This is me, my life.

 And I am allowing the journey to begin once again …

 I am not a failure, I am Love and everything is going to be ok.