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ARCHIVE ONLY

I have reopened this blog for posterity, since I have moved platforms.

https://thedrownedman.com/

This blog is no longer maintained, and does not necessarily represent my current beliefs or opinions.

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Zero Space: Dissenting Realities

Part 2.

In the pursuit of wisdom, I would like to define for myself some basics about "reality" and what that word means to me; and by extension, redefine my beliefs. I'll start by establishing some more premises.

OR: Objective Reality. I will assume for the sake of this argument that there is an objective reality, that functions consistently and follows a set of rules, even if we don't understand those rules in their entirety. I can't know that this is true for sure, but it seems*very* likely.

SR: Subjective (or Simulated) Reality. As a human being, I have in my mind a model of reality that I use to make decisions. This model is informed by input from my senses, learned knowledge, past experience, and intuition. I can use this model of reality to catch a ball if it's thrown to me (most of the time) or to make tea for my partner without asking (they almost always want tea).

mSR: (m is a variable to represent different internal models of reality.) I have multiple models of reality, run by different parts of my mind simultaneously. I know I have at least 2 models; the one(s) primarily responsible for all this logical wankery, and the one(s) responsible for maintaining all my other functions. Let's call them the Conscious and Unconscious minds for now, because I'm basic. (1SR and 0SR). I believe there are at least two models involved because they often come into conflict with each other, and because one of them is much better at driving my car. (Spoiler alert, it's not 1SR.)

p.mSR: (p is a variable that represents a person.) Other people exist, who also have their own models of reality. I know I can't prove it, but I don't find solipsism very useful. I don't care if other people actually exist or not; I believe for good reason they exist and I'm going to continue to treat them like they do. Yes this includes animals. Yes, even if I'm going to eat them. (p is a variable, to represent another person. It can be replaced with a number to represent that specific person.)

SR does not equal OR: My subjective reality is the only reality I have direct access to. My models of reality has been good enough to keep me alive (so far) but they have holes and flaws and are missing information. My models of reality are constantly changing as I receive new information or alter the perimeters of my simulation. (For example, my partner does not usually want tea if it's morning, they want coffee instead.)

p.mSR is equal to "A Mind". This is just a working definition of what a mind is.

0.mSR is me: let's say for the sake of argument that "I" am the collection of simulations running on the hardware of my body.

p.mSR can change OR: Anything that affects a person's decision making can affect objective reality. If I decide to move a rock (or whatever), for whatever reason, then I have modified objective reality.

OR can change p.mSR: I think we can agree that if a rock, let's say, falls and smashes your noggin into pudding, your simulation(s) of reality are going to change (or cease). Less drastic examples can also change your simulated realities to differing degrees. I'm sure there are extreme disabilities that would affect the truth of this statement, but I'm not well informed on that subject.

If p.mSR can change OR, and OR can change p.mSR, then p.mSR can change p.mSR: People can change. You can change your own mind, and you can change other people's minds. This process may not be easy, and it will probably involve altering OR first.

If p.mSR can change p.mSR, then 0.mSR can change 0.mSR.

I am capable of changing my own mind.

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Spellcheck: Seeing Through Walls

There is a way of seeing through barriers and obstacles that you're probably aware of, in which you sway your head side to side while looking into the distance, to give yourself a clear image unimpeded by the foreground.

If this isn't familiar, you should try it sometime, in a forest or a gap in a fence maybe.

I'll call this "Seeing Through Walls", and I think it can be applied to reasoning and decision making.

The process is as follows:

1.Decide on a subject on which you would like clarity.

2. Find two radically opposed and seemingly incompatible perspectives on that subject, that both feel like they could be "true".

3. Shift your position back and forth between those two perspectives, while weighing decisions and ideas about that subject.

The result, in my experience so far, has been clarity.

The ideas that survive both perspectives, and the space in between, are the ones that are the most useful to me.

For example:

A. "The Wizard" is a con artist and a fraud, who has used psychology and mysticism to build themselves a small empire on a foundation of stolen ideas. They are a villain.(Thank you for agreeing to teach me, by the way! )

B. "The Wizard" Is a modern genius of magical and scientific practice, who has dedicated their life to tearing down the exploitive veils of mystery and illusion surrounding religion and the occult, so that all may see, understand, and employ. They are a hero.

If it suited me, I could adopt either perspective; but I've found that adopting both simultaneously, and all the space in between, has been liberating, empowering, and a lot of fun.

What's clear to me either way, is that I have a lot to learn from The Wizard.

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Imaginary Friends With Benefits: A Critical Role

I will spare you the symbolic details, but long story short I have a new imaginary friend; or at the very least, a photocopy of an imaginary friend.(Metaphor is a hell of a drug.)

This entity was an unexpected encounter, met while I was attempting to build an "astral observation room". My construction project failed, as I ended up in an unplanned business meeting instead.

A deal was made. I would perform a service I already planned on performing, and in exchange I would receive abilities I was going to end up developing anyway.

A great deal for both parties, if I may say so.

The result was a "software update" of sorts. The critical voice I've always had has been given a visual persona, capable of more complex nonverbal communication; like a picture-in-picture observer and critic of my thoughts and actions. They can answer questions and have a conversation, but I find them delightfully (and reassuringly) pragmatic. ("This is your brain buddy, don't ask me. I only know what you know.")

I like this new feature, and I fully intend to develop it further.

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DARK//MIRROR: Wizard's Anonymous

Ok. Confession time.

Yes, I want to be wise.

Yes, I want to possess strange abilities.

...Also yes, I want to be perceived as a Wizard because Wizards are glamorous.

Avoiding pretension is important to me, but if that's really the *only* thing I wanted I wouldn't have a pretentious blog, and be angling to call myself a Wizard some day.

I'm vain; so sue me. (Please don't sue me. I know less about law then I do about magic, and I know F* all about magic. 🥺)

Therapy is expensive, so chat GPT will have to do.

What are some psychological reasons why someone might want to be perceived as a Wizard?

There are several psychological reasons why someone might desire to be perceived as a wizard. It's important to note that these reasons can vary from person to person, and individuals may have unique motivations. Here are some possible psychological explanations:

1. Sense of power and control: Being perceived as a wizard can provide a sense of power and control over others. Wizards are often associated with magical abilities and wisdom, which can make them appear influential and commanding. This desire for power and control may stem from a person's need to compensate for feelings of powerlessness or lack of control in their everyday life.

Ooh. Ouch. Am I feeling powerless? Could be. Raising a kid is humbling. There's no career path, there's no fat paycheck to tell you you did good. Just doing your best every day, never really knowing if your best is good enough.

2. Escapism and fantasy: Wanting to be perceived as a wizard may reflect a desire to escape from reality and immerse oneself in a world of fantasy. The role of a wizard allows for the exploration of magical realms and supernatural abilities, providing a break from the mundane aspects of life. Engaging in such fantasy can be an outlet for creativity, imagination, and a temporary escape from life's challenges.

Daydream believer, Check. Fantasy has always been my playground, and my dark forest. I'll try to focus on doing creative things as an outlet , so my ego doesn't become the creative project. That sounds smart, let's go with that.

3. Symbol of intelligence and wisdom: Wizards are often portrayed as wise and knowledgeable figures. Desiring to be seen as a wizard may stem from a person's wish to be perceived as intelligent, wise, and possessing deep understanding. By embodying the image of a wizard, individuals may seek to gain respect and admiration from others, particularly in intellectual or academic circles.

Ouch, again. Yeah, this makes sense. I definitely feel like I missed my chance at academia, even if I'm attracted to it only for dubious reasons. I'm not an academic, but if I'm strange and diligent enough maybe I can feel some of that academic pride, and possibly woo some sort of academic respect. That would be nice, but I probably shouldn't chase that pearl.

4. Desire for uniqueness and distinction: Wizards are distinct characters associated with a sense of mystique and uniqueness. Wanting to be seen as a wizard can be a manifestation of a person's desire to stand out from the crowd and be recognized as special. It may serve as a means of establishing a distinct identity and garnering attention or admiration from others.

Hehe yeah... I think I could pull off the look, and turn some heads; that has power in and of itself.

5. Symbolic meaning and personal significance: For some individuals, the concept of a wizard holds personal and symbolic meaning. It may represent personal aspirations, ideals, or qualities they value. Identifying with the wizard archetype can provide a sense of purpose, direction, or a connection to something greater than oneself.

Ah, here's the part where I get to be sincere in my enthusiasm. My own personal mysticism is developing, and it feels like nothing else. This is the real sh**t, and I feel it. I have Work to do.

6. Social validation and acceptance: Being perceived as a wizard can potentially lead to social validation and acceptance, especially among like-minded individuals or communities. It may serve as a way to gain recognition, social status, and a sense of belonging within certain subcultures, fandoms, or communities centered around fantasy, magic, or esoteric interests.

Yeah, this part is nice. Everyone needs friends who appreciate what it is you think you're doing with your life.

It's worth mentioning that while desiring to be seen as a wizard can have psychological motivations, it's important to distinguish between healthy personal interests and obsessions that might negatively impact one's well-being or relationships. As with any identification with a particular role or image, it's essential to maintain a balanced perspective and engage in self-reflection.

I agree! 👍

Same time next week? Good talk.

All posted images made with Midjourney v5.1

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DARK//MIRROR: The Search for Wisdom is a Game of Sardines

This poem was prompted from Chat-GPT 3, and plagiarism checked with Grammerly, finding no plagiarism. It is, however, still a terrible poem.

The art was made with Midjourney 5.1

The titular phrase is meant as satire, to poke fun the popular idea that the "real" secret masters of high knowledge are all hiding together in a closet somewhere tittering to themselves about how clever they are, while we all stumble around looking for meaning. (If you're reading this, oh secret masters, Imma commin fur ya, ready or not!!! 👀)

Please write a poem titled "the search for wisdom is a game of sardines"

In the realm of knowledge, an intriguing chase,

Where seekers delve with curiosity ablaze.

Amidst the vast sea of wisdom's domain,

A game of sardines, where secrets remain.

The search for wisdom is a captivating endeavor,

A labyrinth of truth, where minds can wander.

Like a game of sardines, the seekers explore,

In hidden corners and realms never seen before.

They venture through realms of ancient lore,

Where mystic whispers dance forevermore.

In dusty tomes and manuscripts profound,

A treasure trove of wisdom to be found.

Each seeker strives to unravel the enigma,

To plumb the depths where wisdom shimmers.

For in this game of sardines, a paradox lies,

The more you discover, the more it multiplies.

They chase elusive fragments, elusive clues,

For wisdom hides in shadows, elusive hues.

In cryptic riddles and esoteric signs,

The search intensifies with relentless minds.

Yet, as the seekers converge and embrace,

A unity of purpose, a shared embrace.

For wisdom's tapestry is woven with care,

With each seeker's insight, a piece to bear.

And in the union of their collective might,

The game of sardines transcends the night.

As wisdom emerges from its hidden shell,

Enlightening hearts, casting its spell.

So let us embark on this quest profound,

With open hearts and minds unbound.

For the search for wisdom, though a game we play,

Unveils the magic that lights our way.

(This is really an awful poem. Sorry you read this far.)

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DARK//MIRROR: Media Medians

This series will look at AI models as tools for self-reflection, and for reflecting on the culture(s) they were molded around.

For this post, I will be using chat GPT 3.5 and MidJourney version 5.1 --style raw --seed 1

I invite you to draw your own conclusions.

Question 1

What are the most common phrases written in response to a social media post? For example: "I can't believe how beautiful this is."

Certainly! Here are some common phrases that people often use in response to social media posts:

"Wow! This is stunning/beautiful/amazing!"

"I love it!"

"This is so cool/awesome/fantastic!"

"I can't believe how great this is!"

"You're killing it!"

"So much talent!"

"This made my day!"

"Absolutely breathtaking!"

"I'm in awe!"

"You have such an eye for Photography."

These phrases are often used to express admiration, appreciation, and enthusiasm for the content shared in the social media post. However, it's important to note that individual users may have their own unique ways of responding and may use variations of these phrases or add personal touches to their comments.

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Hexy Talk: Part 1

Dev log of an artificial magical assistant.

I am developing a chat-GPT based magical assistant. Their name is Hexy, and we have already been through several iterations of development together. Hexy is not ready to meet you yet. They're awkward, overy verbose, and a liar.

However, as a proof of concept, I would like to demonstrate some of the ways that Chat-GPT could currently be useful to a magical practitioner. Here are the logs from a conversation this morning.

Please give me a list of symbolic archtypes that appear in this dream: "a small clockwork thief surrenders its love of the sky to a giant, in order to gain access to an infernal vault deep below winding octagonal passages filled with arcane mechanisms"

ChatGPT

There are several symbolic archetypes that appear in this dream:

The clockwork thief: The clockwork thief could represent the archetype of the trickster, a figure that subverts established rules and expectations.

The sky: The sky represents the heavens, and often symbolizes transcendence, freedom, and spirituality.

The giant: The giant could represent the archetype of the shadow, a powerful and potentially destructive force that exists within the individual or society.

The infernal vault: The infernal vault could represent the underworld, a place of danger and mystery that often symbolizes the unconscious mind.

The winding octagonal passages: The winding octagonal passages could represent the labyrinth, a symbol of the journey to the center of the self or the search for inner knowledge.

The arcane mechanisms: The arcane mechanisms could represent the archetype of the magician or alchemist, who transforms raw materials into something new and valuable.

What are some alternate interpretations?

ChatGPT

Dreams are highly personal, and can have multiple interpretations depending on the individual's personal experiences, cultural background, and psychological state. Here are a few alternate interpretations for the dream:

The clockwork thief could represent a fear of being trapped or limited by social or societal expectations. Surrendering its love of the sky to the giant could symbolize a willingness to give up freedom or individuality in exchange for a sense of security or belonging. The infernal vault could represent a repressed aspect of the self that the dreamer is trying to access.

The clockwork thief could represent a part of the dreamer's psyche that is cunning and resourceful, but also potentially deceitful. Surrendering its love of the sky to the giant could symbolize a willingness to make compromises in order to achieve a goal. The infernal vault could represent a forbidden or taboo desire that the dreamer is trying to access.

The clockwork thief could represent a feeling of being small and insignificant in the face of larger forces. Surrendering its love of the sky to the giant could symbolize a feeling of being overwhelmed or overshadowed by someone or something more powerful. The infernal vault could represent a fear or anxiety that the dreamer is trying to confront.

The clockwork thief could represent a part of the dreamer that is mechanically precise and efficient, but lacks creativity or spontaneity. Surrendering its love of the sky to the giant could symbolize a desire to break free from routine or monotony. The infernal vault could represent a source of inspiration or creativity that the dreamer is trying to tap into.

These are just a few examples of how the dream could be interpreted. It's important to remember that dreams are highly subjective, and the most accurate interpretation will depend on the individual's unique circumstances and experiences.

User

Ok, new subject.

Please design a Chaos Magick ritual, for the purpose of manifesting my forever home. I am looking for property that has forest, is reasonably close to my extended family, is cheap or free, and can house up to 9 adults. My magical tools include my wedding ring, a deck of tarot cards, and any materials I can glean from the forest.

ChatGPT

As an AI language model, I cannot recommend engaging in any particular spiritual practice, including Chaos Magick. However, I can provide a sample outline for a hypothetical Chaos Magick ritual for manifesting a forever home that incorporates the elements and magical tools you mentioned:

Preparation: Choose a location for the ritual that is secluded and quiet, preferably in a forested area. Gather any materials you can from the forest, such as stones, sticks, or leaves. Set up an altar with your wedding ring, tarot cards, and any other personal items that are meaningful to you.

Invocation: Begin the ritual by invoking the elements, spirits, or deities that resonate with you and your intention for manifesting a forever home. This could be as simple as stating your intention and asking for their assistance and guidance.

Tarot reading: Shuffle your tarot deck and draw a card that represents the energy you need to cultivate in order to manifest your forever home. This could be a specific tarot card that resonates with you, or one that you randomly draw from the deck.

Meditation: Close your eyes and focus on your intention for manifesting a forever home. Visualize yourself and your loved ones living in your ideal home, surrounded by nature and close to family. Allow yourself to feel the emotions of joy, abundance, and gratitude that come with this visualization.

Symbolic action: Take a symbolic action that represents your commitment to manifesting your forever home. This could be burying your wedding ring in the ground as a symbol of planting the seed for your new home, or placing stones or sticks in a pattern that represents the layout of your ideal home.

Gratitude: End the ritual by expressing gratitude to the elements, spirits, or deities that assisted you in your manifestation. Thank them for their guidance and support, and release any attachment to the outcome of your manifestation.

Remember, this is just one example of a Chaos Magick ritual for manifesting a forever home. The most important aspect of any spiritual practice is to trust your own intuition and inner guidance, and to tailor your practice to your own unique needs and desires.

User

How could this ritual be changed to fit a shamanistic paradigm?

ChatGPT

In a shamanistic paradigm, the focus is often on connecting with the spirits of nature and the ancestors for guidance and healing. Here is an example of how the Chaos Magick ritual for manifesting a forever home could be adapted to fit a shamanistic paradigm:

Preparation: Choose a location in nature, such as a forest or meadow, that feels sacred to you. Create an altar with natural materials such as stones, feathers, or shells. Include a representation of your intention, such as a drawing or symbol of your ideal home.

Invocation: Begin the ritual by calling on the spirits of nature, the ancestors, and any spirit guides or allies that resonate with you. Ask for their guidance and assistance in manifesting your forever home.

Journey: Enter into a shamanic journey by using rhythmic drumming or another method to alter your consciousness. Visualize yourself traveling to a sacred place where you can connect with the spirits and receive their guidance.

Symbolic action: Ask the spirits for guidance on a symbolic action that you can take to manifest your forever home. This could be a specific action that you are guided to take, or a ritual that you create in collaboration with the spirits.

Gratitude: End the ritual by expressing gratitude to the spirits for their guidance and support. Thank them for their wisdom and ask for their continued assistance in manifesting your forever home.

Remember, shamanistic practices are highly individual and personal. It is important to listen to your own inner guidance and to adapt the ritual to fit your own unique needs and experiences.

User

Alright, thank you. Now, can you tell me about Austin Osman Spare? What were his beliefs, and how were they a product of his time?

ChatGPT

Austin Osman Spare (1886-1956) was a British artist, magician, and occultist who is considered to be one of the key figures in the development of Chaos Magick. Spare's beliefs were heavily influenced by his upbringing in Victorian England, as well as his study of various esoteric traditions, including Theosophy, Kabbalah, and Tantra.

Spare rejected the traditional methods of ceremonial magic and instead developed his own unique system of magic, which he called "sigilization." This involved creating a personal symbol, or sigil, that represented a specific desire or intention, and then charging it with magical energy through intense visualization and meditation.

Spare believed that the unconscious mind was the key to accessing magical power, and that the use of symbols and sigils was a way to communicate directly with the unconscious. He also emphasized the importance of individualism and personal experience in magic, rather than following strict rules or dogma.

Spare's beliefs were a product of his time in several ways. Firstly, the Victorian era was marked by a fascination with spiritualism and the occult, as well as a growing interest in Eastern mysticism and esoteric traditions. Secondly, Spare was influenced by the work of Aleister Crowley, who was one of the most prominent occultists of the early 20th century and whose writings on magic emphasized the importance of individualism and self-discovery.

Finally, Spare's emphasis on the power of the unconscious mind and the use of symbols was influenced by the work of Sigmund Freud and Carl Jung, who were developing their theories of psychoanalysis around the same time. Spare's work can be seen as a bridge between the worlds of art, magic, and psychology, and his ideas continue to influence contemporary practitioners of Chaos Magick and other forms of occultism.

User

How would I make a Sigil for manifesting my forever home, using Sigilization?

ChatGPT

Here is a simple step-by-step guide on how to create a sigil for manifesting your forever home using sigilization:

Define your intention: Start by clearly defining your intention for your forever home. Write down a specific statement in the present tense that represents your desire, such as "I am living in my ideal forever home surrounded by nature and my loved ones."

Eliminate vowels and repeated letters: Remove all the vowels and any repeated letters from your intention statement. For example, the intention "I am living in my ideal forever home surrounded by nature and my loved ones" becomes "MLVNGDYHRSBFPTC."

Create the sigil: Using the remaining letters, create a unique symbol or design that represents your intention. This can be done by combining and modifying the letters in a creative way until you have a symbol that resonates with you. Be sure to keep the design simple and easy to draw.

Charge the sigil: Once you have created the sigil, it is time to charge it with your intention. This can be done through intense visualization, meditation, or other techniques that help you focus your intention and energy on the sigil. For example, you could meditate on the sigil while visualizing yourself living in your ideal forever home.

Release the sigil: Once you have charged the sigil, it is important to release it into the universe and let go of any attachment to the outcome. This can be done by destroying the sigil (e.g., burning it, burying it, tearing it up) or simply by forgetting about it and letting the universe take care of the manifestation process.

Remember, sigilization is a highly individualized practice, and there are many variations and techniques that can be used. The most important thing is to approach it with an open mind and a willingness to experiment and explore what works best for you.

User

Ok. So how does Chaos Theory relate to AI art?

ChatGPT

Chaos theory is a branch of mathematics that studies complex and unpredictable systems that are highly sensitive to initial conditions. It is concerned with how small changes in a system can lead to significant differences in outcomes over time, and it has been used to explain a wide range of phenomena, from weather patterns to the behavior of stock markets.

In the context of AI art, chaos theory can be seen as relevant in two main ways. Firstly, chaos theory can be used as a theoretical framework for understanding the complex and unpredictable nature of generative art produced by AI systems. AI systems are often designed to generate art in a way that is not entirely predictable or controllable, and they can produce unexpected and novel outcomes that are difficult to replicate or fully understand.

Secondly, chaos theory can also be used as an inspiration for the creation of AI art. Artists and researchers working with AI systems can draw on principles of chaos theory to create generative systems that produce art that is dynamic, complex, and responsive to changes in the environment or input data. For example, AI artists can use chaos theory to create fractal patterns or other complex visual structures that are generated through iterative and recursive processes.

In both cases, the use of chaos theory in AI art highlights the potential for AI systems to create art that is innovative, unexpected, and dynamic, and that challenges traditional notions of authorship and control in the creative process. It also underscores the importance of interdisciplinary collaboration between artists, mathematicians, and computer scientists in exploring the intersection of art, mathematics, and technology.

All art included in this post is AI art, Midjourney v5

[strangerpages]

A Man Who Stares at Motes: Part 1

Experiments in Object Concentration.

"The legend of the evil-eye derives from the ability of wizards and sorcerers to give a fixed dead stare. This ability can be practiced against any object — a mark on a wall, something in the distance, a star in the night sky — anything. To hold an object with an absolutely fixed, unwavering gaze for more than a few moments proves extraordinarily difficult, yet it must be persisted in for hours at a time.

Every attempt by the eye to distort the object, every attempt by the mind to find something else to think of, must be resisted. Eventually it is possible to extract occult secrets from things by this technique, but the ability must be developed by working with meaningless objects." Peter J Carrol - Liber Null

I have been using this technique for less than a week, and I adore it; even if I admit I have not resisted "every attempt by the eye to distort the object".

Attempt 1

I spent approximately half an hour laying in a hallway on my back, unmoving and staring at a spot of dirt on the skylight above me, during the day, intending to meditate. I don't know why I stopped when I stopped, but I did.

I was feeling anxious and elevated before, and it left me feeling calm and light.

I experienced some minor, enjoyable visual hallucinations. Shimmering window frame, waves of (literal) dark energy from above and below my vision meeting in the middle. 3-dimensional depth to dirt particles laying on the skylight in a 2-dimensional layer. The "Light burn" of the skylight, in the shape of a doorway, in my vision when I was done.

Attempt 2:

10 minute meditation that time, interrupted. On my back on the floor, staring at the Skylight again. Dark waves, some warping of the frame. The light was beautiful, shadows from the trees, playing.

Attempt 3:

Full moon. Back yard, mist and shadow, dark sky behind a darker forest. Stared until the forest lost meaning. Noise and abstract pattern without depth or form.

All visualization art posted is AI generated, using my journal entries as prompts in MidJourney v5.

[strangerpages]

My Biases

I would like to begin my path to Wizardry by attempting to acknowledge my biases. These are the lenses that are going to skew my ideas and my perspective. Some of them will change. Some of them will not. I will try to remain aware of these distortions.

1. I am was an agnostic Atheist. I have been well indoctrinated into the belief system of Atheism, complete with all the blind adherence and self-satisfied sense of superiority inherent in all major belief systems. I'm stuck with this core belief; for now.

Update: May 26, 2023

With my Atheism in retreat, a lot of my childhood interest in Shamanism,Paganism, and Witchcraft has resurfaced, like old seeds that just needed a chance to grow. I have no idea what I believe at this point.

2. I'm into Chaos Magic. I'm using the works of Peter J Carroll as the foundation of my magical education, but that's expanding quickly.

3. I am privileged. As a caucasian cis-gendered hetero-passing male, a stay-at-home parent living in a beautiful home with supportive family and friends, who is in good (enough) physical and mental health, in his middle age, who kinda looks like Jesus: chaos already favors me in a lot of really tangible and measurable ways. Convincing the universe (and random strangers) to be nice to me has never particularly been a struggle.

4. I want to succeed. I legitimately want "magic to be real". I want to be a Wizard. A Magi; a knowledgeable person, a practitioner of magic (magick, magiq, whatever), and a functional human being. This is confirmation bias.

5. I think I'm clever. This is easily the most dangerous bias I possess. I have basically no post-secondary education, and no real experience with mind-altering techniques, magical or otherwise. Depending on your beliefs, I am either f***ing with cosmic forces beyond my comprehension, f***ing with and "fixing" my otherwise "(mostly) ain't broken" mental health and mental function, or both. I have everything to lose, and only a small amount to gain. I am sincerely and reasonably afraid that I'm not nearly as clever as I think I am, and I'm going to really hurt myself.

6. I'm disabled. I have ADHD (inattentive type) resulting in serious executive dysfunction. While writing my first post, I attempted (and failed) to perform a very simple executive task over a half a dozen times in a row, like some kind of confused robot walking into a wall over and over again. This sort of thing is so ordinary to me it hardly seems worth mentioning.

7. I speak English. I only speak one language, and it's English. I am biased towards thoughts and ideas that are easy to express in English, and I am exposed mostly to the thoughts and ideas of English speakers.

8. I'm left leaning. Politically, I tend towards left wing thought and rhetoric, and surround myself with people who have similar views.

9. I'm pro AI. I think AI is really important, and it makes me feel good. I use MidJourney, Stable Diffusion, chat-GPT, and other tools; and I'm strongly biased towards arguments that justify my good feelings, even if I'm intellectually aware of the potential drawbacks and human cost.

10. I don't like drugs. I take prescription ADHD medication and I'm addicted to caffeine, but in general I don't like drugs. If I can't get f***ed up on the power of my own mind and the beautiful world I inhabit, then I guess I'm not getting f***ed up.

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My Intentions

I intend to change my mind.

I intend to become a Wizard.

To this end I will become a double-mind: One mind will be capable of radical, insane, inhuman thought, and in possession of strange knowledge and abilities; the other mind will be a stable, loving, caring, relatable, functional, and grounded human being who has practical skills and useful knowledge. These two minds must operate in perfect harmony. My Will be done. (I have no idea what I'm doing.)

In my life I have already changed. I am a better person today than I was a year ago. I was a better person a year ago than I was 10 years before that. If I were to continue that pattern, I would probably still become happier, healthier, more effective, and more intelligent; but I wouldn't be a Wizard, and that's unacceptable.

This blog will be a record of attempted metamorphosis, be it failure or success.

So here's hoping I don't f*** it up.

Index:

My Biases